Hannah YMS

You say, "Doctor, I'd like to wear catheters permanently." And you go from there. It might be a little embarrassing but how else are they going to know that you want to wear catheters permanently if you don't directly tell them?

I just took the survey. Hopefully others have too after a year. If there's a significant increase is survey results, can we get updated results?

Fair enough

I won't disagree about bowel incontinence is what sucks the most. I am untraining to become bladder incontinent. Regarding someone that cuts their legs off so they can be in a wheelchair just because "they hate walking," I've never heard of anyone wanting that because they hate walking. Those in the BIID community who want to amputate their legs or arms (want to) do so because to them the limb feels foreign to them. Like it shouldn't exist on them, and it gives them a ton of anxiety because it's there. There is a theory about this. I think it's called "brain mapping" where the brain isn't mapping that limb properly for some reason. There are other reasons, too. Similarly, those who wish to become incontinent aren't doing so because going to the toilet sucks, it's usually deeper than that (see my previous replies as an example). But as you said, "however for some people the pros heavily outweigh the cons and that's fine." So, thank you for your support! I never meant to imply that people aren't welcoming on here. I'm just wondering why there's a general lack of support for ABDLs who want to become incontinent, from the incontinent community. Like, what's the underlying reason? Though, it's not without its benefits. Like you, I'm glad I could read the negative feedback for those who wish to become incontinent. It gives us all an idea of what it can be like. And if you accept those consequences, I feel you should get that support on here or anywhere. To each their own, right? Jon

This seems to be a double edged sword, at least for me. On one hand you're told to keep everything relaxed, which requires focus and mental control. On the other hand you're told to not pay attention and focus on it all the time. How can we do both?

Yeah, but why wouldn't victims of a mandatory amputation not be supportive? Is it because they feel justified in their amputation? There are people out there who actually do amputate their legs (or arms, etc) so they can feel normal. Why is this not a good enough reason? (Read up on BIID, to which this discussion can easily be applied.) These are all fair points, but they are just warnings. This is what I mean: I respect your opinion on your own experiences with incontinence, and I get that it's a negative thing for you, but that doesn't mean it will be a negative thing for others. There are many ABDLs who become incontinent who actually enjoy it. There are even incontinents on this forum who actually enjoy it. What about those folks and their experiences? I'm sorry life dealt you a crappy hand. I hope you find a way to regain your continence some day. Jon

I guess I don't really understand why people would get upset. I have ADHD, bipolar disorder, and am on the autistic spectrum. Why should I be upset if anyone wants to have ADHD, bipolar disorder, or autism? To me, that's more amusing than anything else. Bipolar is by far the worst of all of those, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I would have to ask, "Why?" but I would in no way be upset if someone wanted to be bipolar. Heh, I say go for it if you can do it, but you'll be miserable though. Why do I want to be incontinent? Partly because I would have a legitimate "excuse" to be open to my friends and family about wearing diapers (I suppose I still have some shame aspect regarding this...), and partly because I would gain some peace of mind. I've had life long bathroom issues and a bladder that doesn't want to cooperate with me when I tell it to "go" sometimes. Not having to worry about where the bathrooms are or not having to worry about bathrooms at all would give me a lot of peace of mind. Do these reasons count? If not, why? Hope that helps. Thanks! Jon

Same here. Good luck Bettypooh ?

Hi all, long time lurker here. I was browsing the Incontinence - Medical subforum today and I got to thinking... But first, some disclosure: I've been a DL ever since I can remember, but not officially until I was in my teens. I am also now untraining my bladder for UI. I've had incontinence desires for many years, and until recently, have only been speculating on doing it. Until now. I've been thinking about the various aspects of being ABDL vs being incontinent. Here in the Incontinent-Desires subforum, you see time and time again when someone posts here about wanting to become incontinent, or how to become incontinent, etc., there are a ton of naysayers warning the poster about the consequences of being incontinent. (And with all due respect, it gets old, but that's another topic for another day.) However, today I've been trying to connect some dots and was wondering what you all had to say about it. This post might get a little long, so bear with me... Why is it when an incontinent (non-ABDL) person finds the ABDL community and becomes ABDL themselves, for one reason or another, that ABDLs tend to respond (very) favorably by welcoming that person into the club? This seems obvious, right? No one questions this transition and every ABDL that I know of will always respond favorably to this. Because, who doesn't want to share this wonderful community and lifestyle with everyone else? Now a reciprocal question: Why is it when an ABDL (non-incontinent) person finds the incontinent community and becomes (or tries, or desires, or wishes, or fantasizes to be) incontinent themselves, for one reason or another, that incontinents tend to respond (very) poorly by trying to dissuade that person from joining the club? Why does it appear to be a one-way street? Arguably, there's more stigma attached to being ABDL than there is to being incontinent. The ABDL community is often used by incontinents as a support group and sometimes (but not always) incontinents become ABDL themselves. Among other reasons, the ABDL members who wish to be incontinent are looking for the same support that ABDLs provide for the incontinent community, but rarely get it. If an incontinent person becomes ABDL themselves, it's often used as a coping mechanism for something they can't control in their lives. From what I read, this is a good thing for that incontinent person and generally makes their mental health about their situation better. Why can't it be the same in reverse? Why is there a stigma within our own community for ABDLs who wish to become incontinent for one reason or another? Shouldn't incontinent people be more reciprocal about letting an ABDL into their community? If not, why not? Why is there a difference between want and need? Doesn't it occur to people that some ABDLs need to be incontinent (whether or not you agree with that statement) for the betterment of their own mental health? Sure, an incontinent person generally can't change their situation and from their experience, incontinence is a burden, but surely incontinent people can realize that being ABDL is also a burden, but in a different way? Both ABDLs and incontinents need acceptance and understanding. How many ABDLs stop being ABDL because the burden is too high? (To my knowledge, none! One can't not be ABDL once they are ABDL...) In a way, this can be boiled down to ableism. Or disableism, if you will. Because one has a physical medical necessity to wear diapers, one has the right, so to speak, to feel justified for being placed into that camp against their will. As a life-long ABDL myself, I never had the choice to become ABDL. It just happened that way. ABDLs physically need to wear diapers just as much as incontinents do, but for different reasons. Why do those different reasons matter when it comes down to it? Why does the question of permanence seem to divide our two camps? (I.e., incontinents generally have to wear 24/7 but ABDLs don't have to.) To be fair, my statements are just generalizations, but I think they are fair generalizations. Maybe there are some ABDLs out there that don't want incontinent people joining the club? And there are definitely some incontinents out there who are okay with ABDLs joining their ranks. But that's where it seems to end. Why aren't ABDLs naysaying the incontinent people from becoming an ABDL, when it clearly is a far more secretive thing to be ABDL in our society? Society already accepts that some people need to wear diapers for medical reasons, but society has yet to make that leap for ABDLs. Not only are we stigmatized by society, but we stigmatize ourselves. Why is it not okay to become incontinent in order to have that final justification that will equalize the playing field for the both of us? I mean, c'mon, we're all playing the same game here, why not just finally accept the situation both ways and be done with it? Put another way: Why is it okay for incontinents to become ABDL (a switch from a socially acceptable situation to socially unacceptable behavior) but not for ABDLs to become incontinent (a switch from socially unaccepted behavior to a socially acceptable situation)? I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why this one-way street situation exists. Wouldn't it be better if we can both support each other both ways? I could keep going, but I think I'll leave it at that. I hope this becomes a useful discussion. Thanks! Jon