drgdl

I run into this a lot myself, and I'm pretty particular, although I understand my body pretty well, so it is rare that when I'm diapered and ready to deal with #2, that the wrong thing comes out.... I'm at the extent now where it's 1-2 times a week or so... can't really beat it if it's a good one. The wave of emotions and good feelings are unstoppable. Living alone makes it much easier. When I had my ex and her two kids from her previous marriage in my house, full on diaper pooping was a rare event.

I ran into the same problem tonight- hit 3 different CVS stores in the space of 2 days, nothing... just that weaksauce clothlike-backed crap. I know I should buy better diapers but the CVS Depends or whatever were at least good for a cheap "fix". They were at least crinkly and smooshy enough that if you stacked a few of them you could trick yourself into believing you had a "real" diaper on. Not good for real hard core AB/DL use but good enough to work for a diaper fix during a nap or whatever. Or good enough when you have nothing else! Now these stores are just filled with crap that's basically created to try to fool insecure people into believing they're not wearing a diaper. Actually even calling the things diapers is sort of insulting to diapers, they're just pad-like things. Ugh.

Lol, you're in a section of this site where people are talking about pooping their pants and enjoying it. Maybe you're in the wrong place? no? There are other posts in this section that might make my head spin, but who am I to judge? I know I'm not the only person who has had an experience like what I described, either.

Title says it all. I probably only do it a few times a year, maybe once or twice now... because of the aftermath. Cleaning up sucks. The problem is there's no getting around the fact that if you ever have had the perfect poop, it's hard to deny how awesome it is. I remember one time for some reason I got home from work and I was bursting at the seams (I ate too much that day or something, I forget) and I made the decision that diapers were going to be soiled that night. I amazed myself, I basically filled my diaper- Somehow or another, it was enormous.... filling the diaper even felt really, really good. My tight diaper (at the time, I think it was a triple layered store brand) was bulging in the rear from it all. It was perfect- not to soft, not too firm.I could tell I pooped myself, but it wasn't overpowering. It was enough to make you feel naughty but not nauseous. I rolled around in bed for a bit, amazed. Then I had to wet, and that started happening. I felt really super- babyish (although I'm not really an AB) excited, then relaxed, almost all at the same time. Then I more or less teased myself rubbing my diaper... and eventually I came by the bucketloads, or so it seemed. It felt like an hour long orgasm, of sorts. It was that rush of shame, excitement, baby-like feel.... everything. Its the kind of experience that makes you love being in diapers just that much more. Cleaning up sucked, but I'll never forget everything that happened before that. That's why I can't give it up totally, but on the same token its hard to deny that cleaning up sucks. It was easier when I was alone, of course... because cleaning up was always followed by fresh, clean, new diapers! I'm sure im not the only one who feels conflicted. It's like "I would poop but I REALLY dont want to clean it up" and then sometimes you are just "omg I want to poop my diaper so badly..."

It is because for every 100,000 AB/DLs that don't bother anyone, there is one sicko, pedophile, etc, that the media will latch onto and then turn that POS into the "face" of the community. " even if that POS is nothing like nearly any of us. This problem is amplified by the fact that in mass media there is NEVER a positive portrayal of someone with any one of our fetishes. The only media airtime we get is jerry springer or whoever depicting us as freaks. John or Jane Q public is not going to turn on their TV and see a sitcom/series where one of the recurring characters has an AB/DL side. I can think of a million ways you could make a funny, positive subplot about it, and people would not view it negatively. You could make a likeable diaper wearing haracter. I just don't think most directors/producers are that quirky, though. Other fetishes suffer from the same problems, although there is at least wider knowledge/acceptance... even then the exposure is only shallow, which sucks. (For example, BDSM gets a lot of exposure, but viewers are generally not exposed to the "how" and "why" etc.

The only way this will ever work is if you REALLY want to quit. If someone really wants to, they just will.. it's that simple. The thing is most of us don't. I used to try to convince myself I wanted to or that I should or whatever, but then I eventually realized I was just full of crap. (no pun intended). I think a problem many AB/DLs have is they just don't want to be honest with themselves. If you LIKE diapers, SOMETHING is bringing you back... and denying that is often MORE unhealthy than simply accepting it as part of your existence. Unless your AB/DL existence is somehow destroying the rest of your life I think for many its better to try to embrace that existence than reject it.... rejecting it will only make you unhappy. Having been there and done that having a "love/hate' relationship with diapers sucks. It takes a lot of mental wrangling, but IMO loving them, and just admitting to yourself that you love them, and that its OK to love wearing them, makes things a lot easier. Another thing that is a sign... if you keep going back, and the first thing you think of after hopping into that first diaper from the "new" batch, is "why did I ever give this up?" then your heart is trying to tell you something... might be a good idea to listen to it, if it's not asking for too much.

Basically, I'm curious if others here have done the same. I bet I'm not the only one. I started out as just a DL, and then, on a lark, decided to add some AB components to it; eg, using a bottle, cuddling with a teddy bear while diapered, etc, and found that I enjoyed it a LOT more than I thought I would. I don't seem to have any desire to "fully" act like a baby, but I find some aspects of the whole AB thing comforting. Now I'm thinking of possibly getting into some other things, like some aspects of being a "sissy"; I find myself attracted to some dresses and skirts and incorporating diaper time with this seems like it might add some fun.

I couldn't do it, nor even be a DL 24/7. For me the whole thing is something I indulge in from time to time; and I think it would lose some of its appeal if I had to be immersed in it constantly. It's kinda like someone saying "We'll give you an infinite supply of chocolate, f or the rest of your life... with the condition that chocolate is 95% of your diet." Sounds neat for 5 seconds then doesn't pan out well in reality.

While we're on the topic... what is it with ravers and baby gear? Are they "AB/DL curious" or something?

I agree with what SquareDuck and many of the others have said. FWIW, I've gone on and off diapers a bunch of times, but I always end up coming back eventually. Sometimes it might be weeks; sometimes it might be months. In the past year I've only gotten to wear them once, and at that something which I don't even consider a real diaper (I had a pack of depends underwear that I regretted buying but refused to throw away on principle, so a couple months ago I wore one for the day for the hell of it ) Sometimes it happens different ways. Last time it was because I ran out of diapers so I just stopped for awhile because most of the offerings from stores where I live are terrible (I don't really like the CVS brand cloth-cover type diapers- they just don't do it for me. I think even if someone decides to stop for awhile they should maintain a stash and set it aside for a rainy day, you never know when the urge will come back. Don't ever throw anything away, its wasting money and you'll find that the urge to wear them will come back at a time when it is difficult for you to get them, or something to that effect. In the old days I used to beat myself up over it trying to pat myself on the back for "quitting" but I was only deluding myself. I would quit only to go back and the first words to myself after diapering up were always the same- "Why did I ever consider "quitting"? I like this too much" Now, whenever I "stop" I simply have stopped deluding myself into believing I won't go back... and it's made life a lot easier. One question- does your GF know that you wear? What does she think? This is an important question because if you end up living with her, and then that urge comes back... ouch... Some of what I'm hearing sounds like you want to "quit", or make yourself not like them anymore. It's very hard to do that if you've ever had a pleasant experience in a diaper- because we tend to remember things that feel good to us and, at least, from time to time, crave them if they are accessible. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Telling your parents you like diapers is not much different from telling them your sexual habits, orientation, etc... they simply don't really need to know any of that, especially if you're 18! Depending on the parents this sort of thing can end very badly. I would avoid doing it at all costs unless I was 110% sure my parents wouldn't care, but I doubt that's the case for most people. I am not normally one for clichees, but "begging for forgiveness" is WAY better than asking for permission in this case. Further, if they "catch" you, and they're responding badly, you can make up any myriad of excuses if you need to... whereas, if you just come out and say "I wear diapers because I like to wear them" you've just closed that escape hatch. There are some things parents don't really need to know, and frankly being an AB/DL is one of them, even if it is pretty harmless overall.

I don't know if you are still reading this thread, but I just have a few comments to make. If you've been thinking about it, on and off for awhile, eventually you should just give in, otherwise it will just bother the hell out of you. For years growing up I had urges to wear diapers and I tried to suppress them for a very long time- I told myself it was wrong, etc, etc, etc.... then I just stopped being in denial and gave in. "Giving in" was about the best thing I ever did. Initially it wasn't all that wonderful but once I got into better diapers I found the experience to be incredible and everything I had hoped it to be and then some. Will it "cause" AB tendencies? Maybe, maybe not. You might find some things from AB that you like and others that you don't really have a use for. For example, I'm mostly a DL but I find comfort in sleeping with a teddy bear and have even slept with a bottle nearby while diapered. I don't have any desire to play with baby toys, pacifiers, or act like a baby, though.... everyone is different, though. Will you become "addicted"? That I don't know. I think it is different for everyone, it depends on what they want out of diapers, if you get my drift. For some people diapers are just about the way they feel when you wear them, the sounds they make, the smell of a diaper or baby powder, etc. For some people it's using the diaper, for lots of people its probably a combination of things. Further, some people like to wear them constantly, others from time to time, others only when they sleep, etc. Everyone is different and also has different feelings about how often they want to be diapered, etc. The only way to find this out is to experiment and see what you like and don't like. Sometimes you might even find that your need for diapers will come and go. Whatever you do, if you enter a "no diaper" phase, don't throw away you stuff... I think eventually, the urge does come back. If you discover you do like diapers, whatever you do, don't try to beat yourself up about it. The sooner you can accept it the better off you are. I think a lot of people spend too much time hating themselves for it and that doesn't accomplish much of anything. I also did that when I started out but eventually I figured out that hating myself for it was stupid, and just accept t as something I like.

IMO unloading into a diaper can be a wonderful experience but the aftermath/cleanup is a pain. I find that pooping in a diaper requires a certain kind of mood, feeling, etc. Strangely enough some of it has to do with knowing your body and knowing what kind of poop you are going to "make". There is a -huge- difference between a "good" poop in a diaper and a bad poop. A bad poop makes you regret it the moment you do it; a good poop on the other hand can be an amazing experience. I don't like the cleanup as much as the next guy but I still have the urge to do it once in awhile- mainly because most of the times I have done it, the memories of it all have been amazing.

I've never had trouble falling asleep in a diaper. If anything it makes it that much easier to go to sleep because it relaxes me so much. There is nothing quite like the feeling of wearing nothing but a big thick, squishy diaper to bed, snuggled under the sheets.

IMO it might be possible to quit if one is making huge life changes, etc, etc... the thing is, you have to WANT to. That being said, I think the people who quit 2/3/4 times or whatever and keep coming back should stop fooling themselves. You're probably putting yourself through more emotional anguish and pain by beating yourself up over the issue rather than just accepting that you love diapers and that is part of who you are. The only reason, IMO, that anyone should give up diapers is if, somehow, their "relationship" with diapers is interfering with something that is way more important to you (like a relationship, etc.) or if they're interfering with something that makes you a lot happier than diapers. Otherwise, if wearing diapers brings you pleasure and your only real problem is some guilt over wearing them (because of the "taboo" factor) then you should try your best to give in and accept that you like them. The sooner you do this the easier things will be. I've tried to "quit" a few times because of that stupid reason and now I realize the whole idea of quitting for such a menial reason is counterproductive. I may go in and out of periods of not wearing them, but I refuse to delude myself anymore into thinking that I'm going to "quit forever". I feel a lot better since I've just accepted that I love wearing the things, and simply stopped beating myself up over it.

Another thing to remember is that a given diaper will be WAY less prone to leak if you can just wet as you feel even a slight urge as opposed to letting a ton out at once. "Flooding" without leaking will require a way better setup than simply letting a bit trickle out here and there. If you can "wet periodically as needed" you will discover that you may not need as much of a diaper. Of course it all depends on the person, etc. Think about it for a second- this is how companies like "depends" stay in business. Most of their "target market" isn't "flooding" so they can get away with making a mediocre diaper. -Mikey

A bit of an update.... I talked with my GF about this, and while she was a little disturbed at first, it ended up not really being that big of a deal, after we got to talking about it. I explained to her a little bit about AB and DLs and how many different people it means different things, and how that relates to me, etc. (eg, how I like to use diapers, etc). After this she seemed to "get it" more and was at least willing to let me wear them when I felt a need to. I probed her a bit to make sure she was -REALLY- ok with it, and she reassured me that she was, so that felt good overall. So, it looks like in a few weeks or less I will be able to have a stash of diapers going again- I am thinking about getting some Bambinos. While I'm not that enamored with the baby print on them they seem to be a high quality diaper. I am elated, to put it mildly. -Mikey

Pooping is a "messy enterprise" unless it involves a toilet. I can't imagine doing it in anything other than a toilet or at least a full size diaper. Otherwise it is going to get into places that it -really- isn't supposed to, which is nasty. (I know it sounds hypocritical, but if one must poop in a diaper I think that something designed for the job is a lot less nasty than something like a goodnights, which was never meant for that kind of abuse, lol ) One thing to think about- if you like being that messy/nasty why even bother wasting a diaper? For me part of the allure of having a diaper on was that they would at least do their job. Maybe I'm in the minority but I like diapers that work correctly. Mikey

Are those the plastic backed or cloth type? The newer cloth type diapers CVS sells aren't as good as the old ones, at least in terms of the "squishy feel" factor. They are quiet though and the tapes stay put. I think some of the sizes they still have the plastic ones but I know the XL-super paduper overnight ones are cloth now... FWIW, I live out near Worcester. Funny how there are AB/DLs just about everywhere. I'm sure in reality there are tons that don't even show up on the net, either. Mikey

I'd say none of the above. I'd rather be continent altogether and only pee/poop when I want to, whether it's in a diaper or otherwise. I wouldn't wish incontinence on anyone.... besides, if you really want to wet/soil yourself, even on purpose, its not that hard to do it. And you're still going to feel the same feelings of guilt/shame/whatever if that's what makes you feel good, lol. And strangely enough, I think that being incontinent might actually be more boring than having control; eg, you don't get to regulate the amount of stuff that goes in your diaper at once, etc. EG, for some types of incontinence it just happens on its own.... I can't imagine, for instance, -wanting- to go and not being able to, and then just have it occur by itself. Mikey

The old style huge CVS XL diapers used to be pretty good for what they were, although they were very thin, but I would wear several at once. They're good for what they are but are easily outclassed by "real" adult diapers. Years ago I got a molicare sample and it was heavenly in comparison to any of the cheap store brands. The bad thing now is the CVS product we're talking about, at least in XL size appears to have been replaced by some kinda cloth type product, that while comfortable (and has great tapes) makes no noise and has zero plastic feel to it at all. I had a pack of the newer ones and I saved a few of the older ones to wear OVER those just to get the plastic feel back. I haven't been wearing for awhile but if I ever go back I won't be touching the store brands. Mikey

I think eventually I will tell her. It's not that I think she will freak out or anything I just don't think now is the time to tell her- she is dealing with other problems right now, that have nothing to do with me. If things were otherwise a little calmer I would have told her about it already. It's only a matter of time- I've already told her things about me that I've never told anyone else, so it's not as if I can't trust her. The only thing thats holding me back is not wanting to give her an emotional overload with all the other things she has going on. (it doesn't help that her exes new GF is a C**t of epic proportions and makes shared custody stuff a nightmare) As far as the kids go? I'm not worried about them, even if I did start wearing again (obviously, with approval from my GF) it's not like I would be doing it while they were around. It's not a matter of getting caught, because there's currently nothing to get "caught" with, so to speak. I'm not wearing them behind her back, or anything like that. I haven't really been in diapers since long before she moved in. Actually, in the past two years or so I've only used diapers as much as I can count on maybe two hands, because during most of that time I had a friend renting a bedroom from me, and I could really only wear them when he was gone on vacations, etc. It's just one of those things, that every once in awhile, I miss it..... so overall I was just venting a little bit, that's all. Mikey

I imagine I'm not the only one with this problem... due to life changes recently (new girlfriend and her children living in my house) I can't wear diapers anymore. She doesn't know, although I've briefly tested the waters in an offhand way but I didn't get a good response. She is pretty tolerant and accepting of one of my other fetishes, so I haven't felt like pushing my luck. I generally like my life overall even without diapers but sometimes I miss and having cravings for them. In the past when I was alone I felt the need to wear them more often, but now it is just a matter of familiarity. Its one of those things that even if I didn't wear them for awhile, I would always find myself going back. I remember the feelings of my first good, thick diaper and can't let go. Mikey

I think part of it is that the AB/DL thing is many different things to many different people. I am mostly a DL, but I find some "babylike" aspects nice, like being able to curl up with a stuffed animal in bed while diapered, etc. Then later I might pleasure myself while in the diaper, and pee/poop (rarely) before or after that... As to whether its sexual or not.... IMO it can be, and I think for most people it is, to some degree or another, although it may not be in the same category of "sexual" as masturbation or sex is, per se, although many AB/DL combine things. For me it is a comforting thing but it also can be a little bit sexual, as well... diapers and diaper wearing can be pleasing to someone in more than one way, if that makes any sense. One thing with AB/DL is its also common that one person will like one aspect that another person is totally turned off by, or they only partially like it, etc. For instance, the big divide between people that wear diapers for the heck of it and then those that use them to pee, those that use them for pee and poop, etc. Some may look at the "others" activities as disgusting or odd. EG- the "no use" crowd thinks that the pee and or pee/poop folks are simply disgusting, meanwhile people in the latter categories are going "well, thats what a diaper is for, isn't it!?!??!" I think it takes a REALLY open mind for people to be able to understand and tolerate the subcategories... and then there is the whole issue of BDSM/S+M, etc. I mean when you start looking at it, "sexual" can mean a whole bunch of things. It can mean simply getting -excited- by being in a diaper, or it can mean pleasure via masturbation, or other feelings encountered during whatever your activities are. I think its important to understand that everyone is a bit different, and that we have to try our hardest to respect each other. Mikey (drgdl)

I think there are a lot of female AB/DLs out there, but there are a few things which make them more apt to be "silent".... -They feel more "shame" about them wanting to be an AB or DL, and talking with others about it. -They like having something which is an "exclusive secret" Some of them simply don't want to share their love for diapers with someone else. -Many of them lead "double lives". The sexy new office manager down the hall at work might curl up with a diaper and teddy bear every night, but they might still be "normal" otherwise, date men they consider attractive, etc. -When they do get on the net, they end up being the minority, and they often get pummeled with requests to meet or chat or whatever, and it just creeps them out. I can't say that I blame them. (I agree with what mooglelove said about this) Further, a lot of them that come online are already in a relationship, are someone's "slave" or whatever. Which brings about another point- SOME females who are AB/DL want someone, preferably a non-diaper wearer, to "dominate" them, either in S/M fashion or something lighter than that, eg, mommy, daddy, etc. Most of them don't want to meet another AB/DL, maybe it just doesn't do anything for them; if you think about it it kinda makes sense.... although I am SURE there are a lot of AB/DL couples out there that understand each other and that is enough, but some want more. -This is just a guess, but I think a lot of them may trend to being more "casual" in this lifestyle than "hard core" and they might actually just get creeped out by those more involved, even if it is a little hypocritical- eg, the girl that wears a diaper and might pee in it once in awhile might get grossed out by a guy that wears and uses diapers 24/7.. There might also be a divide between AB/DL segments, etc. -WRT the above, I think the lifestyle means different things to different people- and the feelings that females derive may be entirely different than males. Granted this is true even within genders but there may be elements that females and males more commonly prefer, etc. I may be off base with some of this stuff, but it's based on what I've seen, having been in different boards, chat rooms, etc. I've also talked to a few real female DL's here and there, too.