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  1. “Abbey honey! We’re going out. Time to put down your toys.” Abbey glanced down at the floor. Between her spread legs was her dolly and pink barbie car. Abbey blinked. A heavy hand fell on her shoulder. “Abbey. I won’t tell you again. We have a salon session, and then you need to see Dr Richards.” Abbey nodded, slowly. Of course, Dr Richards. She put down the toys, and began to stand up. Well, tried. That didn’t work very well. She had to push down on the floor with both hands, and stick her backside out behind her. The way it all crinkled and pressed at her should have been enough to know. But once she was up, Abbey had to lift the front of her pinafore dress. Sure enough, there it was. White and crinkly and bulging out in front of her, before curving down between her legs. She tried to lean forward to see where it went, and almost fell over. It was her diaper. Abbey stood there staring at it, then felt a swat on her bottom. “Put that dress down, you indecent girl.” Abbey blinked, stumbling forward. It was hard to walk in the diaper, and she almost fell, before realizing that she had to spread her leg out wide to compensate. She took two waddling steps before stopping herself. “Now come along.” She was meant to walk? Like this? She turned, and saw a giant hand awaiting her. She followed the arm up, then saw the enormous woman staring down at her. She must have been… three time’s Abbey’s size. Goodness. Since when had… who was… “Don’t keep Mommy waiting Little Miss. The naughty corner stool will be waiting when we get back otherwise.” Abbey blinked, and took the offered hand. A moment later, and she was waddling along at a pace, her eyes wide. But Mommy had her, and wasn’t going to let her fall. Mommy..? They stopped at the door, where Abbey had to lift one foot, and then the other, as her feet were helped into stubby little velcro shoes. Placing hands on Mommy’s shoulders didn’t do much to help when she still had the thickness of the diaper to contend with. She glanced up during the second shoe, and found herself looking down the neckline of Mommy’s dress. Enormous boobs hung there. Abbey gaped in confusion, until the visage lifted away and the woman towered above again. She let her hand be taken again, and they were off. --- The door to the salon chimed. A few people glanced over as Mommy and Abbey entered. Mommy was all smiles. Abbey blinked in clear confusion. She glanced over her shoulder again, as if she’d seen something outside which had surprised her, or perhaps many things. She was distracted until she found herself by the salon chair, missing whatever the grownups were saying. A moment later, two large fingers entered her diaper, declaring her wet. Abbey blinked. Wet? Her? But she- “Oh that’s fine. She can sit on the chair with a plastic cover.” Abbey was whisked from the ground by two strong hands. Mommy’s hands. She landed with a squelch on the plastic-covered chair. She was wet! She considered asking when that had happened. But no, she didn’t want to bring attention to it. Instead she frowned as a big smock was whisked in front of her, blocking her view. A moment later, it was tied behind her neck with velcro. The chair began to go up in short jolts, accompanied by the hisses of pump. She held on tight, bracing at the loud squishes which came from beneath her each time. Abbey glanced at the mirror for the first time, and blinked yet again. It was… her… Yes… Her hair was all in golden ringlets though, with pink little butterfly clips. Had she always had those freckles on her cheeks? “What will it be today?” “Nothing major. I just think she’ll do better a shade lighter. Look at those sweet little cheeks, and imagine them framed in strawberry blonde curls.“ Abbey stared at her reflection. Were her cheeks always that puffy? She opened her mouth to ask a question. Mommy seemed to be ready, and slipped a pacifier into her mouth. Abbey blinked. It was huge! Filling her mouth. She tried to say something, but instead ended up sucking the pacifier. She supposed that she could suck on it for now. When Mommy let her talk, it would probably be a better time. Though, she wasn’t entirely happy about it. Her hair was shampooed. Big hands guided her to lean back into a basin of water. Mommy and a new woman smiled down at her. They told her that it was just a rinse, to not be scared. Mommy waved a toy above her, and Abbey blinked at the colours and shapes. Did they expect that she… She was sat back up, to another squelch. A hairdryer began its loud booming, which drove out her other thoughts. Big hands tossed her hair around. Something was massaged over her scalp. Abbey was told not to touch it. Not like she had a choice, with the big smock covering her, she considered saying. But the pacifier was in her mouth. She would suck it for now. It was kind of nice, though definitely not the best. She noticed a dribble in her diaper, and frowned. That had happened on the walk over too, hadn’t it? When she’d seen… In the park… There’d been giants, and regular sized people… And so many people in diapers… Abbey had seen two people being changed beside each other, on the grass, by a giant man and woman. Their open diapers had had a hint of brown. Abbey made a face, and wriggled her backside. No way was she ever… “Oh don’t squirm you naughty thing.” Abbey winced, and stopped. “You be good Abbey.” It seemed like an eternity. Finally her hair was rinsed again. Then dried again. The smock was whisked away. Abbey faced the mirror, and got a look at what she was wearing. Goodness! The ribbon was almost tied under her armpits. The waistline was so high! It seemed to all be shifted up to end high enough to get a good view of her... She glanced down. Her diaper was clearly wet. It was all ballooned out under the pressure. Goodness, when had that happened? She’d kept going? The stylist noticed too, and poked the thick padding. Abbey wriggled, feeling it as a distant touch beneath the enormous bulge over her crotch. Yet it was still pointy, and wet, and reminded her of the state of her diaper… Her diaper… The stylist and Mommy exchanged some words. Abbey didn’t hear them, she was so baffled. A moment later and she was in a bathroom, on her back on a table. A strap went over her front, and Abbey had some idea of what might be happening. Oh no! Just like those people in the park! She tried to mumble around the pacifier. It was too late. Mommy was pulling the tapes on her diaper, loud enough that surely everybody out in the salon could hear. Oh they would all know! Abbey squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to make sense of things, but was pulled away from any coherent thoughts as the wet wipe touched her. It was so cold, and Mommy pushed so hard. It went on and on. Finally she felt powder sprinkling on her, then big fingers worked it in. A new fresh diaper came up between her legs. Abbey sighed in relief. Not that she’d choose diapers. She… what did she normally.. Oh! She lost that thought as Mommy sealed the final tape, giving a firm push on the centre of the diaper to make sure that it was all in place. Abbey blushed. They re-entered the salon. Abbey was in Mommy’s arms, and kept her gaze on the floor. They’d probably all heard the tape rips, and especially Mommy’s cooing comments. Big hands held her in front of a mirror. Abbey blinked as she saw the full effect. It was her, but… She looked so much like a- Mommy thanked the stylish, and paid at the counter. Abbey was put on the floor, her face red. The new diaper wasn’t as flexible as the old one, stiffer and dryer, though it at least wasn’t sopping wet and sliding against her. “Oh she loves it. Say thank you Abbey.” Abbey blinked, and glanced up. Mommy was pulling the pacifier from her mouth. It left with a loud pop. “Th-Thank you,” she squeaked, startled at her own voice. Was it always so high? They smiled at her. She caught a few other patrons smiling at her in the corners of her eyes. Abbey quickly turned her gaze back to the tiled floor. She had to look past the pinafore skirts, her big bulging diaper, and the little velcroed shoes. It might not have been better than seeing them smiling at her. They left the salon the way they’d come in. Abbey blinked against the sunlight. She didn’t see or hear much from her position. She was held firmly at Mommy’s side, and could sense that she was safe. Occasionally Mommy gave her a little tug to step over things. Abbey blushed, but was thankful. She couldn’t even imagine trying in her diapers. Unfortunately, people also got a good look at them during those large, vertical steps. Vertical was a big word, she supposed. They arrived at an office complex. A pretty woman showed to Dr Richards office. He was all smiles and handsome laughter lines. Abbey blushed, and buried her face in Mommy’s blouse at such thoughts. Dr Richards was a grownup! And Abbey… She… Wait... “How is she doing?” “Oh we’ve been just wonderful. She’s very happy with me. A few wet diapers though.” Dr Richards beamed. He typed some things into his computer, and brought up some files. Abbey was shown a special screen to watch while the grownups talked. She frowned, wanting to discuss this, but was soon distracted by the shapes and pretty cartoon characters. When she came to, she was getting another diaper change. She hoped she didn’t do that thing like those two being changed in the park. Mommy pulled up the diaper, and gave it another of those breathtaking pushes. Abbey had to say thank you. She was left laying there as Mommy discussed something with Dr Richards behind her. Abbey sucked on her thumb, squinting at him. He looked familiar, maybe more familiar from this angle. She had flashes, of being at a computer. Of typing a report. Discussing how she believed that people were being taken into another world, to be put into diapers and kept as adult babies. She hadn’t told anybody. Everybody at the intelligence agency would think that she was crazy. And would wonder why she was even thinking about adults in diapers in the first place. But Abbey was an agent! She- “Oh Abbey is in need of a tickle!” She squealed as Mommy started, rolling around. She gasped, trying to tell the woman to stop, that it was causing her to- The seat of her diaper unfortunately didn’t stay clean for long. With a silent rustle, which perhaps only Abbey heard, the back ballooned out. And oh, she’d just been changed… Mommy wasn’t even checking her right now… And Abbey sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up and bring attention to it… But she was an agent! But she was also a baby. A true Mommy’s girl. She perhaps should have said something as Mommy raised her for a knee bounce, to discuss more things with Dr Richards. Abbey didn’t get a squeak out until well into the first bounce, and by then it was too late. Abbey glanced around desperately, looking for anything which might help her. All she saw were pictures of women and men like her on the walls. There was advertisements for diapers, rattles, toys, outfits, accompanied by a bunch of logos and colourful play writing. Abbey realized that she was in a pediatrician’s office, of sorts. Mommy kept bouncing on and on. She asked something about trying breastfeeding after this, and Abbey moaned, her eyes rolling back. She really wasn't an agent now… Even if she did remember a part of that, as well as her new life and identity… It didn’t matter if she had a boss to return a report to. The only boss which mattered was the one which had two huge boobs and was squishing and crinkling a diaper beneath her backside... The only report Abbey had to deliver was the one emerging out of her backside to fill the diaper further… Making sure that it was at least complete before they checked it...
    4 points
  2. Hello all! ^^ I would like to take the time and tell you a little about myself. I am a 34 y/o healthy, continent male (no history of bladder/bowel issues) that has had an interest in diapers from a very early age. I was around 7 years old when I “borrowed” a plastic backed Pampers diaper from my 2 year old cousin’s diaper bag. The babysitter was my aunt; who is the coolest person ever and knows about my “interests” in diapers. I unfolded it and put it in my underwear. I walked around in it and heard the crinkle and wished I could wear diapers all the time as well instead of my “big boy” undies. Of course, there is a whole lot more to my story but this is a very brief summary to keep from boring you all. I’ve had 24/7 stretches (for up to 6 months) in the past but had to stop due to financial/personal reasons when I was in college. Now, here I am at 34 years old and still wanting to be back in diapers for good. The desire isn’t going away and I’m tired of fighting it. It’s what makes me whole so that’s just the way it is and is going to be for now on. Over the years, my desire to become diaper dependent has not waned in the slightest and no matter how many times I place it on the back burner - they’ve always been there. So I’ve decided to go through with this. I also have a girlfriend, who I love with all my heart who completely supports me in becoming diaper dependent and she actually prefers me in them! I call her “mommy” most of the time which she loves. Having said all of this, she was vaguely familiar with the AB/DL community before we started dating ~7 mo ago. She supports me and loves me for who I am. This is very hard to come by especially since there’s no clear cut answer as to why someone would have the desire to become incontinent and how much our community is misunderstood. I have slight AB tendencies, but I’m not an exhibitionist or advertise the fact I wear diapers out in public. That’s not for me and please DO NOT post anything about ‘showing your diaper off’ etc. I have a very respectful job and conduct myself in a very professional manner dealing with well over 50 clients on average per day in a clinical setting. The bottom line: I value discretion and privacy to maintain my dignity. If (inevitably) my diaper rides up the back exposing it a bit, then 99% of people will assume it's a medical condition and mind their own business. The other 1% can ....well you get the point. **I have a onesie so I will wear it often at work** Reading the other forum posts has given me a lot of insight and motivation to push forward in my journey to diaper dependence. For now, I am only untraining my bladder, so I will try to retain my bowel control. From what I’ve read, some people have experienced a decline in their bowel control during their bladder untraining adventures. This makes perfect sense considering the nerves that are responsible for both bladder and bowel control are interlinked. ie; if you weaken one neural pathway, then there is a natural weakening/desensitization of the other. I will, of course document and report any changes in both my bladder and bowel control. Another thing of note is masturbation. I’m abstaining from it due to risk of exercising the muscles by accident. I have also fallen victim to the feeling you get after you’ve “done the deed” and don’t want to put another diaper on. It’s just not worth it and the fact that it increases DHT in men is more than enough to keep me from doing it. I have a full head of hair and plan to keep it! ^^ I will keep my diaper area shaved clean at all times for obvious reasons. My Current Continence Level A brief note about my current continence level. I am currently completely continent in both bladder and bowels. I wake up completely dry every night, but I love wetting my diaper prior to bed and sleeping in it overnight and waking up pretending I soaked it in my sleep. Eventually, I hope this will happen for real! ^^ If there is any advantage I have coming into this journey, I would have to say that from years of wearing diapers often and the 24/7 stretches in the past - that I notice once I have a diaper on, that I can wet anywhere at anytime with very minimal effort or thought at the slightest urge. Along with many other people and I’m no exception, the hardest position for me to initiate wetting is in a position when my urethra is kinked - esp while driving. It’s weird because in the past, I had “good” days and “bad” days. If I was fluid-loaded, I clenched up and/or it was hard to start peeing. If I sipped fluids throughout the day (3 big gulps of water in 10-15 min intervals) along with practicing the “reverse kegel” of keeping the bladder muscles relaxed as much as possible; then I’ll go immediately without issue. I’ve noticed if I’ve worn 24/7 for a brief period of time (like 1-2 days) and haven't exercised control of my bladder muscles - that I get frequent urges throughout the day (about every 30 min - 1 hr) and will continue for 4-5 days afterwards. This is good news in my book because it means that the muscles are weakening faster than they can gain strength back. ^^ IMO, these constant urges that come about of being out of diapers after a 24/7 shift is enough to motivate me to put a diaper back on. No having to rush to the restroom and interrupt my day at work (medical setting). My current stock of diapers are 2 cases of the Abena M4’s Plastic Backed and one case of the Tena Active Fit Maxi (great discreet daytime diaper!). I plan to keep at least an extra case on hand at all times for those instances when I slack off in ordering diapers, which is few and far between but it happens. To sum all this up: -I’m always diapered 24/7 from this point onward -Keep the bladder muscles relaxed and practice reverse kegeling after I wet -Stay well hydrated throughout the day to practice uncontrolled wetting and 16 oz of water before bed -Keeping bed adequately protected with quality mattress protector and trust my diapers -Listen to hypnosis recording; preferably before bed (this is optional and to help my subconscious adjust) -Expect WEEKLY UPDATES from here on out documenting any changes I experience in my continence, unless I come up with something to mention or ask about that pertains to my personal situation. So that’s it for my gameplan. If anyone has any questions, suggestions, or anything you feel I left out; please feel free to ask them here! I will try my best to answer in a timely manner as I work full time and life just gets in the way. Thank you very much for reading my post and here’s to a new life of being padded 24/7! ^^
    1 point
  3. It’s been quite a while since I actually made of these post, probably over a year. I feel like they only come up with certain issues need to be addressed, and I feel like it’s been about that time again! We have a lot of new members so many people probably haven’t read my original posts on the topics, and I know that my bio doesn’t go into too deep, so I figured, why not. Enough rambling. Let’s get to the juicy stuff. There are 2 things that I want to address here today. First, I get a lot of comments from people who wonder why I’m here if I don’t wear diapers. It’s because I’m a mommy. Duh. Just kidding. I know there are a lot of other doms/switches that wear. There is a simple reason why I don’t wear diapers. They’re humiliating. Let me explain. Diapers mean different things to different people. Some people find it for comfort, some people in need, and some people find them sexual. I look at diapers as a humiliation aspect. Now, that might sound, wrong, but I’m a sadist – so I’m all for humiliating. It’s amazing. However, I myself, do not wish to be humiliated. Why would I want to wear something that makes me feel like that? (As I am a dom, I totally understand people like to feel humiliated, obviously. lol) For every reason that you like to wear diapers – the feelings I would get for wearing would be the exact opposite. Comprehendo? And number two Although for some people, I’m like this rare unicorn they wish they could have. Just keep in mind – that in fact, I think you’re really lucky, and I’m a bit jealous of you. Whoa. Crazy right? How could I be jealous of you?! Easy. Even if having a partner that will indulge you in this lifestyle (in whatever way you want) is your ultimate dream/fantasy, at the end of the day – you can still do stuff with your lifestyle. You can still wear diapers; you can still buy all the baby clothes of your hearts contents. You can pretend and play all you want. Of course, it would be nice to have someone there to care for you, but in the end, you get some satisfaction. But, from a dom mommy who doesn’t wear diapers – I absolutely cannot enjoy this fetish on my own. And even shocker alert. I’ve actually never fully experienced this fetish with anyone else before (I know. Blasphemy, right?) And I hear you “oh, but you have the choice of millions of guys.” But, you know, let’s just for humor sake, we pretend that some people have a preference for a person they want to do ‘fetish’ stuff with So, with that said, this whole post was just basically me complaining (okay not really lol. I’ve grown accustomed to it) I just wanted to show that mommies/daddies and caregivers are just much invested in this fetish as you and it’s not always that glamorous. We’re normal people too! Except me, because I really am a unicorn
    1 point
  4. Ahh well of cause while wearing them. How ever, if if I need to pee and some gentle spurts going into them it's even better. Sometimes I can't hold it and accidently loss the complete bladder content - but the gentle way is much more fun... :-)
    1 point
  5. No offense, but I kind of find that sad. So you're saying if you met someone that fit all your every other want/need, they fully accepted that you wore diapers, but they themselves weren't into it - that would be a deal breaker? Yeah, no. I think that is what alot of people get wrong here. I think they search for the wrong things in a relationship. My sex life doesn't define me who I am. It would also, to me at least, be pretty sad if I let a fetish take over a majority of my life as well. I just feel like there is more to life than just diapers, no matter how amazing they are lol. If I have a partner that loves me for me, accepts me who I am, and is everything else I need or want - then why would I be selfish and crave more?
    1 point
  6. Well it's ok for you, living in sunny Sussex-by-the-sea. It's warm, and your clothes dry quickly.
    1 point
  7. 16.) Her Hypno Session "Come on, snoozy girl." I'd come after breakfast to check on my newest charge, but he lay contently with his head on the table, and groaned when I shook his shoulder. "It's time for your training session, it'll be a fun one today, I'll show you." The other girls had already dispersed from the table long ago. How long had I been here? I wished I had a clock. I rubbed my eyes and shuffled my feet against the tile. Colette took me by the hand and helped me up from the table. We walked into her office. I was still half-asleep. The diaper was wet. That was the first thing I noticed. The milk was over and done with. I guess I slept through it... "Are you feeling a little bit better now? It's nice to be clean, isn't it?" There were so many things this morning he should have been punished for, but I was getting soft. I wanted him to progress through the program, but not to lose his brilliance. It was time to make plans. "Uh huh..." Honestly, I wasn't sure it mattered. And I wasn't clean, since my diaper was wet. But whatever. I didn't really care. I put my head on the back of the sofa and rubbed my eyes again, pushing my glasses out of my face to do so. They were a little bent from the way I was sleeping on the table. It took me a minute to fix them. "What silly card game are we playing today?" "I'd like to play my cards, actually." I pulled myself up on the edge of the desk, sitting atop the surface and took my glasses off to clean them while I watched the boy. "This place can be so much more than it is, Velvet, and I want to make it that. And I want your help, and I think we need to figure out if its achievable." "...I'm not following." I said I'd help. I said I'd fix Annie. I didn't know when I'd fix Annie, because apparently I'm drugged 90% of the time. But hey, I said I'd do it. And I will. What else could she possibly want from me? And if she did, what was she willing to give me in return? "I want Marlow out. You're going to fix Annie, but it's not enough. It's not going to make enough of an impact. Marlow is working on his Light-Induction system, and the Round Table will eat that up because it means they can automate the process. We need something to counter that." I shouldn't have been being so candid, but I'd just had a meeting with Marlow and the Round Table, and I was stressed. "Light induction isn't automated," I said flatly. "That guy doesn't know heads from tails. If your board thinks flashy lights count as automated..." I sighed, rubbing my temples. "You still have to hypnotize. You still need someone who knows what they're doing. It's just a... a cannon. A cannon at a wall. It doesn't mean you can take over the city just by taking down a wall." Idiots. "I know that, but he's got results. Poor results, but if they can replace the need for more hypnotherapists on six figure salaries with machines, they will. I've been wracking my brain all morning figuring out if there's a way we can automate. Automate properly, not with some gimmicky light machine. Maybe with a headset, sensory block-out, I'm not sure. Are you aware of anything in the field? We have a VR headset available to us if we need it." Times like this is when I'd smoke. I'd given that up years ago, but I still longed for it. "...are you a real therapist?" I mean, I'd seen her walls. I saw them now. The degrees. She had a Doctorate. She was twenty-nine by the look of things. She earned her title two years ago. She had so little practice, I was sure. "Hypnosis, I mean. Or did you just take a seminar in college and think that's enough to qualify?" I wasn't being catty. I wanted to know how good she was. What I was working with. "I specialized in the field, and went directly into government black ops for the military in the middle east. Deprogramming and interrogations, helping child soldiers who'd been raised to kill, and bringing back trauma victims from the worst things imaginable." Maybe he didn't expect that. It was deep cover work, not something a civilian would usually be involved in, not something I could print on my wall, not something that made medical periodicals. "...hm." I was impressed. Not to say I believed her. But I was impressed. Even if it wasn't true, it was a fantastic lie. I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms. She was sitting in front of me in her chair. It was closer than we usually were in her office - she liked to stand. "Hypnotize me." There were a few different types of hypnosis I employed in my career, differing mainly in the armor the patient had up. Trauma victims required a softer touch than potential suicide bombers, and I weighted my methodology accordingly. For Velvet, I’d give her my best. He could handle it. I nodded, and stood up, removing the boy’s glasses and setting them on the table. I touched a few buttons under a panel on my desk, and the lights went out, replaced by a star scene that rotated slowly around the roof of my office, and provided enough light for me to be seen, accompanied by soft distant music. We both knew that without proper technique, everything else was just gimmick, though, and I sat back down close to the boy. "I'm going to use an induction method not approved for use by the APA. Or any association of conscionable merit. Do you have any questions?” "...uh... I guess not." She took my glasses off? But I fought off Marlow without my glasses and the milk. She wasn't going to be that difficult. And I already had blockades in my head. She didn't know about my method of hypnosis - the empathetic voice, I called it - and I didn't know about hers. Interesting. The stars and the music was soft, and the glasses no doubt made it difficult for the boy to focus, but those things would be a stark contrast to what was to come. Cold-reading was something few in the industry took seriously — too much margin for error. "Growing up queer, knowing your place in the world would never be as part of the majority. It's hard. Hard knowing that no matter how proud you'll be, you'll never be normal. Never be like the other kids. Never be the one behind the bleachers, never be the high-school sweetheart couple. Never get the boy that you want, never know if you feelings will get you kissed or killed. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Always having to work harder to prove yourself. Always having to fight more than everybody else. Beat up at school, tossed around the locker room, pinned to the floor and treated like meat. It's enough to make you feel like meat. Feel like product for consumption. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Everything a woman is, but the kind and sensitive men that all your lady friends date, they don't want almost a girl. They want a girl. You get the assholes, the pricks, the horrible objectifying monsters. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. A fate you're born into, no fairytale ending, no fairytale beginning. Always second best. Always on the fringe. Always weak. Your own life ruined before it began, you wriggle into the lives of others. Sleeping around. Breaking up relationships, destroying families. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Drifting, floating endlessly, wanting to belong, and finding not a single place you do. No place, no happiness, no home. Nobody understands, nobody cares, nobody wants to help. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Nobody but me... nobody but me... nobody but me....Small. Vulnerable. Weak... and for the first time... safe." ...she was stupid. Stupid because you always lead with an induction, and she didn't. She led with a hypnotism. I was about to call her out on it, but things were a little fuzzy behind my eyes. Stupid glasses. She put her finger to my mouth when it opened. Her words were pointless. I mean, they made my chest hurt. They made me ache all over. But I wasn't hypnotized... I just felt... a little off center... There were signs when a person ached inside, ached because a barrage of shots had landed a hit. The way breathing changed, the way that eyes shined, the way that glances were hidden. If a person was armored, I knew how to deal with that, and Velvet was. He looked away a little, and I began the second phase. "Small.... small in size, small in impact, small inside... " My voice had changed from the shotgun to something so much calmer, steadier, more level. I'd filled his mind with shrapnel, and it made it easier to slip inside. "You're so small, so vulnerable, so precious. Precious. Listen to my words, precious, listen to the way they comfort. Comfort, comfort like embrace, comfort like a blanket, comfort like happiness. Happiness, happiness like the warmth of love, the warmth of my words, the warmth of safety. Safe. So safe. Safe to listen, safe to follow, safe to fall upon the one who cares... the words that protect. Protected... protected and free, free to listen, free to focus, focus on the words as they wrap you up. Small. Precious. Comfort. Happiness. Warmth. Safety. Protected. Free.. focus now, focus on my words, those words that get softer and softer, smaller and smaller, small enough to tumble inside of you..." “This is stupid..." Her words were... strange. Out of focus. Too fast. I couldn't hear any of them. Only when one word was repeated twice, two clauses tumbling together. My head was light. I blinked my eyes a little, trying to stay focused. It was... harder than I wanted to admit... "Tumbling... tumbling. Falling... falling. Words, such pretty words, falling deeper and deeper, burrowing, settling. Happy and home. Your thoughts and the words, the same, the same tones, the same sounds, so close together, so the same. Words the same as thoughts, thoughts the same as words... hard to tell the difference... impossible. The words are your thoughts safe and trustworthy. The words protect you. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Sleep." I nearly fell over. Colette caught me, I think. She helped me lay down on the sofa so my head was propped up right. My eyes were closed, though. The last word... it just made me so drowsy. I wanted to rub my eyes, to wake up, but I didn't. I was so comfortable... I didn't need to accomplish anything, only to prove the concept. Only to show the boy, perhaps for the first time, that I wasn't some inept government employee. I didn't know why I felt the need to prove anything. So he graduated at like 17? Well. He was the one in jail. "It's so easy to sleep, so easy to focus on your thoughts when you sleep. So easy to realize truths you never did. Truths you hadn't considered, thoughts and truths lost to the noise of awakeness. Only now, only in sleep, can you hear them. Hear their truths." Proof of concept. Simple. Very simple. "Truths. Your name is Velvet. Simple truth. Velvet. Lovely. Pretty. Strong. Simple. Velvet. Your name has always been Velvet, so praised for it growing up, so unique, so special. Yours. Something that can never be lost. Velvet." There was red around me. Red curtains, maybe? Or red carpet. I couldn't tell. I just felt quiet and still. Everything was warm and safe. A hypno space. I didn't get what was with all the red curtains, though. I tried to figure it out. I think she was disguising it. I wasn't really going to lose this woman, was I? I could wake up. I snapped my fingers. The red went away. Everything was dark. I opened my eyes. But they didn't open right. Everything was still dark. Ugh... So much of this induction technique disarmed my patient — the cold-read could be cruel, could be mean, could be fictional, but it didn't matter. It left everybody the same: helpless. I could break a person down to the basest elements of their persona, reallocate, shuffle priorities, change levels as simply as a sound engineer with volume sliders. Velvet was very talented, but the boy had never had a load of me before. "Red and beautiful, the way you've always dyed your hair, always played up to the image, always adored the way people smiled when they said your name. Never to tease, just to appreciate. Your pretty eyes, your gorgeous hair, and a name to bring it together. Velvet. Velvet. Velvet. So protective over your name... so quick to defend it. Your name is your truest strength, your favorite thing about yourself." More red curtains. They seemed to wrap around the ceiling, too. I snapped my fingers again, but they only faded in color. Grey curtains. My chest was hurting. I didn't get it. Why curtains? Flowing? Wrinkles? Um... sunlight? Too vague of metaphors. She was working on something, and I couldn't figure out what. The hue returned to the curtains, and I snapped my fingers again. Less color slipped out of them. "In every happy memory, every wonderful moment, you've brought your name with you with pride. Velvet. Velvet. Velvet. The day you graduated high-school, your first kiss, your favorite diner, every happy memory, every highlight of your life... Velvet. Bright red hair and a bright red name." It was time to seal the deal, to press this into reality. "You're wrapped up in your name, Velvet. Thick rich redness that comforts you like your favorite blanket as a child, warms you like cocoa, protects you like warm embrace. Red Velvet. Sweeter than any cupcake." The curtains were too close to me, now. I snapped my fingers, but nothing happened. I tried to close my eyes. Everything was red. Red? Was that it? What was red? The curtains hugged me. Then I got it. Velvet. The name. She was working on my name. But they were already touching me, and they smelled like vanilla, and I snapped my fingers. They were gone. And I was... exhausted. I fell to the dark floor and gasped for air. Sweat trickled down my forehead. Fuck... The boy had tumbled off the sofa, tumbled onto the floor, broken the trance, yes, but I'd won. He knew I'd won. I knew I'd won. And cemented it very simply with a question, one that I knew he'd answer, knew how he'd answer, knew the response he would fell upon answering, and smiled softly. "What is your name, again?" I swallowed. I looked up at the woman behind the fogginess of my vision. I knew what she wanted me to say. I knew it very loudly in my head. But it wasn't the right answer. But finding the right answer... I just... was having trouble. Um... shoot... what was it... I clicked my fingers. Once. Twice. Three times. Post-hypnosis, thought were hard. Trains were easy to detail. 'Quick! Name, what's your name? Don't think, just speak. Oh, I remember, it's Alice, right?" So close to his actual name, but for a girl, he would react. I knew he had. I'd made him proud of the name Velvet. He'd defend it. "Velvet," I said sharply, instinctually, and then I hesitated. I blinked, and I looked away, and I stumbled to my feet. I was a little pissed off. I didn't want her to actually accomplish anything! I just wanted her to shut up. I just wanted to see how far she could go. I pushed past her and fished my glasses off the table, putting them back on my nose. I was obviously upset. As he slipped his glasses on, I tapped the buttons on the desk, and the lights came back up, the music stopped, and he glared at me. I wasn't smug. I was actually quite humble, especially in the presence of a hypnotherapist who had the sort of national renown that my experience ensured I never would. "Now, are you satisfied?"
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  8. #1 Just a WIP from a new series.
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  9. "Being a big boy's not so bad, yeah?" Lili kept her eyes on the road as she pressed down on the gas pedal, weaving in and out of cars. "Yeah." He said softly, slipping his binky out of his pocket and popping it in his mouth. A soothing feeling like a warm wave washed over him and he relaxed into the leather seat, which he could not feel under the thick cushion of his diaper. "Still a baby boy, too." She laughed and he blushed at her teasing. He leaned back in his seat, feeling like he was going to fall without the sides of his carseat boxing him in, the harness holding him in place and pressing the thick padding against his crotch. He clutched the brown paper bag holding their ice cream; it crinkled in his hold with each movement, just like his diaper crinkled. "Such a noisy baby." Liliana changed lanes then brushed her fingers over his soft cheek in a caress before slipping a finger through the ring on his binky and popping it out of his mouth. He blushed and lowered his head, taking her action as a silent reprimand- babies belonged at home in their nurseries, just like Grandma Beatrice said. "Lili?" He asked softly as her fingers traced his lips. "Yeah?""Where we goin? Back home?""Nah, figured we'd go someplace to eat our ice cream since you didn’t wanna go inside. Maybe a park or something. Where there’s no people." No strangers around to make him anxious. "Oh." He fell silent, wondering what she meant. Maybe that's why she took his binky out?Silence fell between them. "Oh? Just oh? No questions? You're allowed to voice your opinion, too, you know." Cameron just shook his head. She was babysitting him, though he had never had a baby sitter before. His nannies just followed the established routine of feed him, change him. With Lili, life was anything but routine. He opened his lips to ask where they were going, but then quickly shut them. She was in charge, just like his grandmother, his teachers, his nannies. They decided what was going to happen; he was used to people making decisions for him; it had been inducted into him during his therapy time in the hospital, and he had lived most of his life abiding by that rule. It's just the way things were. But why not change the way things were? His eyes widened slightly at the thought. Could he really do that? "I-I...L-Lili?" His voice trembled, so soft it was barely a whisper."Yeah?" "Wh-where we going?""Do you really need to know?" She arched an eyebrow, making her tone firm to push him. She wanted to encourage him to push back, to have faith in himself and not back down. He flinched, cringing. "S-sowwy! I-" "Cameron." He curled in on himself at her firm tone, wondering what he had done wrong, shoulders hunching in, the ice cream bag crumpled. He had sat in the car while Lili had gone in to get the ice cream. He had done fine riding out, but had a panic attack the moment she went to open his door. After calming down, he had sat in the parking lot, just watching from the car through the windows while Liliana got their ice cream to-go. He had watched people coming and going, no one paid him any mind aside from the occasional stray glance noting some teen sitting in a car. Mapleton was a well to do area, and that meant that most of the cars here were as nice or nicer than Lili's. Her expensive, flashy was nothing special; just another rich kid with rich grandparents who bought her everything. If he had been a normal boy, or had been able to be mainstreamed, he would have a car like this, too. Hang out with his friends. His girlfriend. He blushed at the thought. Would he have met Lili, had he been in the normal classes? He knew how she behaved in class, but that was when she was 'on her best behavior, scout's honor'. Had he been normal, would she have been his girlfriend? Since he had been mentally un-regressed, he had seen girls his age and a few older he thought were cute. Some of his nannies were very pretty. But that was as far as it went. "Cameron." Lili said again, but he would not look at her. He just shook his head, confused. She sighed and just looked at him, barely keeping her attention on the road. "S-Sorry.." He made sure he talked like a big boy through his stuttering."You apologize too much. You're not a baby. " "Yes, I am." He kept his gaze focused on his feet. His slim body trembled. This was one certainty in his life he knew. She wanted him to be more vocal, to show more spine. Fine. This was one truth in he knew deep down in his bones."Plenty of adults wear diapers, too." He chewed his lip. "Not like mine. I-I like it. I-I don't want to give it up." His tone went even softer. It was true; he liked his diapers, he liked his pacifier. He found comfort on having a rubber nipple in his mouth to suck on. He liked his bottles, the security of his crib with his stuffed animals and blanket and the wooden bars surrounding him. He even liked his high chair and his bibs, his car seat. He would prefer to stay where he knew it was safe, where he felt secure. Too much in the world had hurt him already, and he did not want to experience any more of it. But being with Liliana....it was scary, it was dangerous....but also thrilling and fun. He liked being with her, wanted to spend more time with her. But he also wanted the safety and familiarity of being a baby."What?" She could not look at him to watch his lips move- her eyes flicked back to the road. "N-N-O!" Cameron stuttered out in a quick, stuttering yell as he objected to being a big boy, maybe giving up his babyhood. His eyes widened; he had not meant to be so forceful with his words. His frustration built up and she kept egging him on. Lili flicked her gaze to him for a second, surprised at his outburst, and she smiled. "That's my baby." Just then, a shiny red Lamborghini ran a red light as they approached an intersection. They were headed right towards the car. Lili had been doing the speed limit but was going too fast to stop. She swerved, and tires screeched as the car slid sideways, right off the road and onto the gravel side before sliding to a stop. The force of motion sent the ice cream bag flying to the floor. Cameron's body flung about, the seat belt holding him in, going taut as he flew sideways, the thick nylon strap digging into his neck. Cameron's heart pounded and he was not sure what just happened. Clouds of dust from the disturbed gravel kicked up, enveloping both cars. Lili's grip on the steering wheel was knuckle white. She let out the tense breath she had been holding. "Cameron, baby? You okay?" She looked over at him anxiously, voice filled with concern. He was her first priority. He was shaking from head to toe and really, really wished he was in his car seat. When he was a baby, things like this never happened. He should have stayed home, safe in his nursery. His diaper flooded with warmth as his nerves let loose. She laid a hand on his cheek, turning his head to her. He was still wide-eyed in shock. "Baby?" She could not see any marks or bruises on him, except for a red mark on his neck from the seat belt. She unfastened her seat belt and laid a gentle finger on his red mark; he flinched. "It hurts?" Cameron shook his head, still feeling numb and tingly all over. Her words didn't register in his brain; just so much noise in his ears. He opened his mouth, but the words would not come out. His body was still processing what had happened, reality slowly sinking in through the insulating layer of shock that had temporarily shut his brain off. They narrowly avoided a car crash. They could have died. His trembling increased and he let out a little, terrified whimper. "Shh. Baby. " Lili found herself shaking as well as she undid Cameron's seat belt then slid her arms around his tiny waist, drawing him to her. He quivered in her arms, soft and warm. Alive. She found the warmth of his body reassuring, the soft, quick huffs of his breath brushing against her throat. The movements of his fingers as they twisted into the material of her hoodie. Safe. Alive. That was all that mattered. Over the top of Cameron's head, in the passenger side mirror, she saw a hulking, huge figure approaching the driver's side. The male walked with a particular long-gaited, swaggering stride as if his ego was too big for his huge, linebacker body to contain. Her eyes narrowed. She knew that stride, that figure. She slipped Cameron's binky back into his mouth. She was trying to encourage him to be a big boy and have some fun with her, but after this, surely use of a binky would count. And Beatrice could just go kiss her ass for letting her grandson suck his binky in public. Cameron blinked at the sudden return of his beloved binky, automatically sucking on the rubber nipple that filled his mouth, but found more comfort in the security and warmth of Lili's arms. Warmth that pulled away. Still shaking, he clung to her, gripping her shirt tightly and whimpering in protest. He wanted to stay like that, just a little longer.... "Baby. Shh. I'll be right back. You're safe. It's over." Lili kissed his cheek and pressed her cell phone into his hands. "You know how to dial 911, yeah?" Cameron nodded, though he did not have a cell phone. He was just a big baby- cell phone was not needed nor encouraged. But, when he had been attempted to be mainstreamed, his therapists had taught him to do things like normal big boys did- simple things like use a cell phone. Dialing 911 was simple enough; find key pad on the screen, hit 911, hit send button. But that was only for emergencies; no one had been hurt, there was no crash, so why....? "Lili?" He whimpered. "Shh." Another kiss, this one to his forehead. "Just in case, yeah? Just sit here. If I'm not back in a few minutes, call 911. It’s easy. Just do what I say. You’re a good baby, yeah?" Her eyes bore into his, fervent. He whined, softly, but nodded. Just before she turned, her soft, worried expression hardened into one of blazing anger, full lips pressing together, eyes narrowed. Lili turned to exit the car. Panic flashed through him and he reached out, grabbing her sleeve. "L-Lili." What was going on? Why was she suddenly so angry? Just as angry as his father had been when he had come home in wet pants. As angry as Nanny Isabelle. Exact same expression on the face of someone he loved. Old fear spiked through him, but he swallowed his whine, sucking hard on his binky and trying not to think of those old, haunting demons. Not now. He could not have an episode right now, he had to be a big boy. Stay here, in the present. His hold tightened on Lili's arm. "Baby." Her soft voice, calling him. "You can do this. Trust me, yeah?" Her voice wrapped around him, and he clung to it, to the solidity of her wrist under his hands, using her strength to draw himself back to the present. "I'll be right back. Cameron?" "..k-kay." He lisped behind his binky, his shaking dying down to a fine trembling. A little bit of drool slipped down his chin and plopped onto his hoodie. He should have had a bib on, but he did not even notice. He let her go, hugging himself, clutching her phone to his chest and curling up on the seat. He kept his eyes on her as she turned and walked towards the approaching man. "You stupid bitch! You nearly hit my fucking car!" The man snarled. In his rage, spittle flung from his lips. Cameron's heart leapt into his throat. That was no grown man, despite his size- that was Mad Max, the star quarterback of the football team. Priscilla's ex-boyfriend. The mayor's son. Mapleton High's golden boy, who could do no wrong. Senior and star of the varsity squad. Still not fully grown, and already hulking. Broad shoulders, a walking slab of good looks and muscles. “You fucking cunt!” Max snarled at her. "Kiss your mother with that mouth?" Liliana's face was hard, her gaze ice cold and her voice clipped, full of snark. "L-Liliana!" The rage fell from Max's face in shock, surprised to see her of all people there. The girl he had tried to sleep with several times, had tried to get with after seeing Priscilla. The girl he imagined laying on Priscilla's bed, spreading her legs for him. Their bodily fluids combining on Prissy's old bedsheets, the same bed where he had once taken Priscilla. He almost got to bed her, once. But Lili...her scar freaked him the fuck out. Lili's mocking laughter as she taunted him with that horrid scar until he'd run from her once more. He left her laughing in the bed where he once fucked her cousin. After that night, he had tried to get with her again- she was so casual about shit; she wanted none of that romance garbage the other bitches were into. And he just knew the slut was great in bed. Then, the bitch had rejected him. Repeatedly. He was just a notch in her belt. Fucking whore. "Just Lili. And you ran the red light, ran me right off the road." She crossed her arms under those deliciously plump breasts, their roundness and fullness visible even through the small hoodie she wore. Max stared at them, remembering the weight of them in his hands. She knew where he was staring, but she did not correct him. Not just yet. "The light was yellow, you were the one who ran the light and hit me." His voice was firm, rage tinged down by his awakening sex drive. She had rejected him, and his cock still yearned for her. Any of the pretty girls at school would happily bend over for him, and the one he had chosen wanted nothing to do with him. Who the hell was the slut fucking that could be better than him? Some obnoxious college asshole? Lili shifted, arms under her breasts pushing them up and making them jiggle, taunting him. Max's eyes stayed glued to them... "Liar. Our light was green the whole way." "You'll have to prove it." She smirked. "And so will you. I have a witness." Max's eyes flashed to the car, and he spluttered. He knew that pretty face, knew what horrors hid beneath his clothing. His jaw dropped. "What the fuck? Freddy Kreugar? You're fucking Freddy Kreugar? Seriously? He shits his pants- he's- he's a fucking big baby!" His senses reeled, his universe sideways. Liliana dressed like a freak, but she was so fucking cool, just like Prissy. They even talked alike; on Facebook he couldn't tell which one it was, though he knew it was Lili. She typed just like Prissy and all the other girls he knew. But she never joined their circle, not fully. Sure, she’d come to her senses, ditched that goth shit and dressed normal, but she was still a fucking weird, pierced freak. And here she was, fucking the freak Prissy had loved to make fun of, taught them all how much fun it was. And it was. "Cameron, dickwad. His name is Cameron." Her voice was cool and hard as he raged like an inferno. He snarled, then laughed. "You're fucking Freddy Krueger. Wait 'til I tell everyone. " He stepped past her, heading towards the car and the boy he used to have such fun tormenting. Aside from that ridiculous pacifier, the boy looked almost normal. Maybe he should rip his pants off like he did in gym class once, see if the hideous fucker still wore diapers. He laughed maliciously. Lili blocked his way, her breasts pushing into his chest as she invaded his personal space. In the car, Cameron shook, his eyes huge. Max licked his lips, Liliana forgotten. Here he was, no one around, and given access to his once-favorite punching bag, the perfect thing to take his anger and frustrations out. And said punching bag had stolen his girl. He would make his world right again; kick the pants-shitter's ass, pound him good and teach him a lesson. Make Lili realize who she should be with. "Touch him, and I'll fucking kill you like I did that puppy." She snarled in a deadly soft voice. Max backed up at the sudden challenge to his personal space, even though Lili was shorter and female. She advanced, hips swaying. "What? You said it wasn't true!" She smiled. "And Prissy alway told you it was. Didn't you used to call me 'that fucking little psycho' when you were with her?" Lili challenged him with lies sweet as poisoned honey. "Yeah, I killed that puppy. Fucked it up real good. Poured gasoline on it. Set it on fire." The incident was old, but not forgotten, so scandalous it lingered in the community's collective knowledge and gossip mill like an old winter coat hung out in the closet in summer. She toyed with Max- there had never been any gasoline or fire on the puppy and she was not the one who hurt it, but rumor had blown the incident out of proportion and twisted it sideways. "Knew you were fucked in the head-" Max's snarl was cut off as she came closer to him. He backed up some more. "Just think of what I'll do to a human. What I did to Prissy." Liliana's black lipstick covered lips curved into a sinister, mocking smile and the metal rings on her lower lip glinted in the afternoon sun. She was good at lying; so good her lies sounded like God's gospel truth. "That was an accident. You weren't even here." He took another step back. She sashayed forward so close he could feel the heat of her body. "Sure about that, Maxie-pad? Bet your life on it?" "You're fucking psycho! You should be locked up! Insane bitch!" He burst out, raising his fist to make her back up. Lili did not move. "Go ahead. I'm warning you, mess with me, and I'll fuck you up real good. You might be Daddy's Golden Penis, and most of the adults don't like me much. But it's common knowledge how badly you fucked Cameron up in the past. Your daddy had quite the time sweeping that scandal under the rug. The town's infamous burned boy bullied to the point of suicide. And now, here's the town's star lunk head, at it again. I'm sure you really want to stir up that pot of shit with football scouts from colleges sniffing around to see if you're university football material. " Her words sunk in, penetrating the rage and he lowered his fist. Get into a good college, one with a stellar football team. Make it to the pros. If he screwed that up because of some old scandal, for once he was afraid of what his father would do. Take away his car, throw him out, disown him. Max's father never disciplined him; it was the only thing he ever drove into Max's head. The only thing he was firm on. His father had hollered at him over the incident with Cameron, only when said incident became public knowledge and newspaper articles had been written about it. He had almost lost it then, almost was kicked off the team. Only Mrs. Beatrice's cooperation with his father and Priscilla's grandmother had help stopped the scandal. Lili watched Max's face intently as the emotions flickered over it. "You just stay the hell out of my way and leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. Cameron's my plaything now, not yours. Just forget about him. Understand?" Max's huge hands balled into ham-like fists. "You'd better watch your back, psychotic bitch." Liliana shook her head, heaving a falsely disappointed sigh. " You're just as stupid as you look. Maybe dumber. And you'd better watch all your sides. I'm telling you, mess with me and I'll fuck you up so good. As good as I fucked Pissy Prissy up. Maybe even better." "You threatening me?" His voice shook with rage and he started to raise a fist to swing at her. Lili moved fast. His ham-like fist was only partially extended when pain erupted in his groin, enveloping his entire being, followed by several more waves of pain as her knee, then her booted foot found contact with his genitals. He curled in on himself, falling to the gravel. Lili's boot planted firmly on his chest, forcing him onto his back. She bent low, one hand on his throat, squeezing in just the right place to put pressure on his trachea and make his eyes bulge as his airflow was cut off. He was aware of nothing but the pain washing over him and the psychotic bitch above him, pressing down. Her eyes were deadly intent and serious. Lili smirked down at him. "Listen, Missing Link. Accidents happen. You don't want an accident to happen to you like it did to Prissy, do you?" She bent low, weight on her hands, in turn putting more pressure on his neck. He gurgled, gasping as his breath was cut off. Her free hand fished in his pocket, pulling out his keys. She stood up, releasing him and jumping back in case he tried to lunge, but the pain in his swelling, throbbing groin was too great. He closed his eyes, trying to ride the waves of pain drowning him and gasping, drawing deep ragged breaths into his hungry lungs. Her sharp bark of laughter cut into him, making him open his eyes and look at her. "If you were smart, you'll have learned your lesson. Don't fuck with me. Simple, yeah, stupid? " She turned to go back to her car and the wide-eyed, effeminate boy in it. As she did, she tossed his car keys down the nearby storm pipe. Lili found Cameron curled up on the passenger seat, knees as close to his chest as his titanic diaper would allow. He hugged himself, face buried between his knees. Her cellphone lay on the seat by his feet. He shook all over, looking so fragile and vulnerable it broke her heart. “Cameron? Baby?” Lili touched his shoulder. At the feather-light tap, his head popped up. His eyes were wide and glassy, pupils dilated in fear. His cheeks were dry; at least he hadn’t been crying. Somehow that made it worse, like he was terrified past the point of tears. He suckled noisily on his pacifier; a little drool dribbled down his chin. “Wiwi, yew awive!” Lili, you’re alive. He lisped in baby babble around the rubber nipple filling his mouth. He flung himself into her arms. She kissed the top of his head and held him tight. “Shh. Baby, it’s okay. It’s over.” She cooed reassuringly, rubbing soothing circles on his back while rocking slightly. He buried his face in her neck, wanting to hide from the world. The button of his paci pressed into her skin, moving in and out as he sucked in his agitation. He knew this was a bad idea. He was safer in his nursery. Safer as a baby. “Baby, it’s alright. No one got hurt. Nothing’s broken.” Lili continued to croon in a reassuring mantra. She kept it up as she felt his shaking die down to quivering then to a fine tremble. He was reacting badly to the near accident. Worse than she thought was normal. Part of that was due to Max, his former tormentor. Seeing that bully scared him worse than the almost accident. Despite all his therapy, he still carried deep emotional scars. Lili’s words of reassurance washed over him as garbled noise, but her gentle tone was a soothing balm to his frazzled nerves. Gradually he calmed down. Eventually he pulled back just enough to peer up at her. “Go home, peese?” He lisped. “Yeah. Home. And a warm milky baba for you. Maybe a story, yeah?” Lili thought finishing up with a nice nap for him would help him calm down and recover from his emotional turmoil. She wouldn’t mind some cuddles herself. His soft, warm body in her arms soothed her own raging emotions. Tamed her anger, fear and worry like a flute soothing a savage beast. Focusing on taking care of Cameron forced her to push her own feelings aside, get her priorities in line. Make her think and act instead of an emotional gut-reaction. Cameron just nodded his head in agreement, too drained for words. Fear, worry, and anxiety ebbed, leaving him exhausted. A bottle and cuddling with Lili in the safety of his nursery was all he wanted right now. She eased him back into his seat and he whimpered softly in protest. He wanted to stay in the warm security of her embrace. “Sh. You just need to play big boy a little longer. Until we get home. I know you can do it.” Lili kissed one soft cheek; the metal tips of her spike snakebite piercings tickled. He whimpered again, puppy dog eyes begging to be held for just a little longer. “Baby. Shh.” She gently chided as she fastened his seat belt. The corner of her sweater wiped the drool off his chin. As she sat back into her own seat, her eyes flicked up into the rearview mirror, where she saw Max stumbling about, shakily looking for his keys. He’d be pulling himself back together soon and he’d realize where she’d put his keys. “We really should beat feet.” She started up Prissy’s expensive, sleek sports car and calmly pulled out, leaving Max in her wake. Cameron sighed contentedly with a mouth full of creamy, sweet, warm chocolate milk. Some leaked from the corners of his mouth to dribble down his chin and onto his bib as he nursed the bottle. Lili’s arm cradled and supported his head, his cheek squished up against one of her magnificent breasts. Her other hand held his bottle. He felt as helpless yet safe as an infant cradled in its mother’s arms. He lay sideways across her lap, his legs dangling over the wooden armrest of the rocking chair. His chest rose and fell with his soft breathing as he drifted closer to sleep. Lili hummed a tuneless lullabye while she rocked him. The squeaks of the wooden chair mixed with her off-tune hum. “Such a good baby. You’re feeling better now, yeah? All cozy and sleepy.” Lili cooed. Cameron opened his sleep-heavy eyes half way, the most he could manage. “I remember you asked about the scars on my back.” Lili started but corrected herself when his brows wrinkled in confusion. “My boo-boos? I can tell you a story about them.” His pretty face smoothed out in understanding at her use of boo-boos, showing that in his sleepy state he defaulting to his usual toddler speech. He barely listened to her words; her soft tone combined with the milk filling his belly and the warmth of her body tugged him over closer to sleep. Lili watched his eyes drift shut again. She smiled. “Not very long ago, but far away, a rich old man and his rebellious granddaughter went to Sumatra, a big island in western Indonesia. It’s...in neighborhood of Australia. Sort of. It’s a...very different place from America. They were there to help set up a wildlife reserve for Sumatran tigers. The old man donated a shit load of money and local officials kissed his ass. They threw a party in his honor. Now, the old man’s assistant joined him, and she brought along her grandson. He was the same age as the old man’s granddaughter. He was a wild child, but not as wild as the girl. They were good friends, and they did something bad. Very, very bad by sharia standards.” Lili laughed like she found that funny. Bad. The word popped Cameron’s contented, sleepy bubble and curdled the milk in his tummy. He opened his eyes with a soft whine. He shifted his legs, making his huge diaper crinkle and rustle. Growing up, he’d been told many times by his father, his grandmother, and Nanny Isabel he was bad. He didn’t like where this story was going. This story wasn’t a story at all; Lili was telling him something that had happened to her. “Shh. It’ll be good for you to know this, so let me finish, baby.” Lili softened her reprimand with a kiss to the tip of his head. Cameron closed his eyes and let her continue while he idly toyed with the bottle’s nipple. His tummy was full and he didn’t feel like drinking anymore, so he just chewed the rubber nipple. “So, the boy and girl got caught and punished-” Lili intended to skip over the more brutal aspects. She wasn’t ashamed of what she’d done. Hell, she’d do it again. She felt no need to be ashamed. But revealing that would show Cameron a side of her she didn’t want him to see. She was afraid he’d look at her the same way he looked at Prissy. Like a monster. Cameron was so fragile, so vulnerable; exposing him to the ugly side of her might destroy the relationship she was still trying to nurture. “Whad dey dew?” Cameron lisped around the rubber nipple filling his mouth. Milk trickled down his chin like drool. Lili paused, caught off guard at the unexpected question. “What did we do?” She’d understood his garbled toddler lips; she was just stalling for time. He nodded, head bobbing against her breast. She bit her lip, staring down at him. He was a big baby, but he was also a big boy, too. Knowing what she’d been through might help him come to terms with his own past. Not that she was expecting a miracle or anything. She just wanted to help him as much as she could. Regression Therapy had helped him heal as much as he could from the mental, emotional, and physical trauma he’d been through. Knowing someone who went through something similar might help him feel less alone in the world. Could bring her and Cameron even closer together, like their scars did. “Um. Yeah? Well...we got....things that are okay to do here are really not okay over there. Different cultures and laws, yeah? Alcohol is a big no-no over there. So is sex outside of marriage.” Cameron frowned at her stumbling words. He remembered overhearing the normal kids in class talking about parties and dates, where they drank and had sex. Priscilla drank a lot. And she had sex a lot. Lili was more like the normal kids than he’d ever be. He shivered at the thoughts of Lili getting drunk and having sex. He knew she was bad- she talked back to teachers and got in trouble at school a lot. But this was very bad. Even here in America, Lili was too young to drink. This was not breaking a few parental or school rules, this was breaking the law. Lili smiled down sadly at his horrified look. Her heart lurched in her chest. This was the side of her she didn’t want him to see. He’d asked, and for once in her life, she felt compelled to tell the truth. He’d bared his soul to her the first time he’d let her change him. He’d been so vulnerable when he let her see all his scars, let her touch the intimate parts of his body and his heart. To lie now and cover up her own ugliness felt like a betrayal. Like lying to him would drive a wedge between them and destroy the trust he had in her. But telling him came with its own risk; the truth might change how he saw her. Make him pull away from her. Maybe he’d fear her as he did Prissy. Lili’s tongue toyed with the backs of her lip spikes as she stared down into his wide eyes. He said nothing, just kept chewing on the bottle’s nipple. Chocolate milk speckled his once-clean bib. Cameron stared back up at her as the silence stretched out. She couldn’t look away as her insides twisted up in apprehension. She had to know what he felt, what he was thinking. “Baby?” She prodded in a strained whisper. Seeing the anxiety in her face, Cameron timidly reached up with one trembling hand to touch his fingertips to her cheek. He wanted to reassure her as she’d reassured him so many times. Bold Lili, afraid? That emotion on her face puzzled him. Lili feared nothing- she’d even intimidated Max. Now she looked at him like she was expecting him to bite her. He’d often looked at Max and Prissy like that. He forced a smile and patted her cheek. “Liwi is Wiwi. I wike Wiwi.” Lili was Lili; he still liked her. Lili closed her eyes. “There’s...some more. So..we screwed, yeah? And we kinda….recorded it…” she finished in a small voice. Whore. Slut. Rutting bitch. Lili had been called all those names and worse. She didn’t give a damn; she’d shrugged it all off. Hell, she’d egged the responses on with taunts of her own. But Cameron’s opinion…. Cameron tried to push the nipple out of his mouth with his tongue, but Lili still held the bottle to his lips. He settled back to chewing on the nipple. His hand fell from her cheek. Screw? He remembered hearing that word in normal classes when he’d been mainstreamed. The students used that word a lot. He knew it meant to have sex. Some of the normal students, judging from the conversations he’d overheard, did that a lot, too. Or at least they talked about doing it a lot and lied about how much they did it. He understood the physical concepts of sex, but it was also very confusing and complicated. Adult stuff he wasn’t ready for or interested in. But taping it? That sounded like the porn stuff the normal boys talked about. Just how bad was Lili? Lili watched the confusion on his face clear to apprehension. She closed her eyes, unable to take the look on his face anymore. His timid touches had reassured her that he didn’t completely fear her. But he didn’t completely trust her, either, as evidenced by the look on his face. She had shattered the trust between them, just as she’d feared. “Soo...long story short, we were punished. Asha’s grandson got some baby time so he’d learn to be a good boy. And I got a few souvenirs on my back from the local law. No big deal.” She forced a hollow laugh and smiled. “I was bad, too.” Cameron said softly, finally pulling his head away from the bottle. Turning his head smooshed his face into Lili’s boob. It was soft and warm through her shirt, like snuggling a living pillow. Sometimes Lili reminded Cameron of Prissy. Not just in their similar looks, but in their personalities. In their words and deeds. He also saw the pain Lili was trying and failing to hide. He didn’t understand why she was afraid of what he thought; did she really care about him that much? Lili might be bad, but she was also caring, gentle, strong and brave. Things that he’d never be. “Yeah?” Lili prompted as she gingerly touched the fading yellow bruise under his eye from his ball. He had a similar pacifier shield shaped bruise around his lips from Nanny Isabel pressing his paci down hard when he wouldn’t stop crying. At her touch, Cameron didn’t wince or cringe away. He just stared up at her with his big, dark doe eyes. His skin tingled where she touched. Her fingertips glided down to trace the edges of the pacifier shaped bruise ringing his soft lips. “And what did you do, baby?” “Too noisy. Nanny Isabel was watching TV. She got mad.” His words were very soft. “She should’ve been watching you.” A dark look washed over her face. He closed his eyes, snuggling against her breast and saying nothing. He wouldn’t argue, though he thought Lili was wrong. He was a bad boy for interrupting Nanny Isabel. She was gone now, so either way it didn’t matter. “Well, she should’ve.” Lili snorted her indignation. She saw the doubt on Cameron’s face and knew he blamed himself for the incident. She kissed his forehead. His cheeks grew rosy warm with a pink blush. Lili started humming again, rocking him until he fell asleep. With his eyes closed, he missed the storm clouds rolling in on her face; the same expression she wore when she thought of Prissy. They fell into an easy routine as the weather grew colder. Late fall bled into early winter. Cameron’s nanny for the morning shift took him to school, but Lili picked him up. The first day, she’d startled Ms. Sweeney and Mrs. Vesper. Her new look shocked them so much they momentarily thought she was Priscilla. Not even her snake bite piercings gave her away. Lili played along, poisonously polite until Cameron cried out, “Lili!” and flung himself into her arms for a hug. Ms. Sweeney laughed and shook her head at Lili’s joke. Mrs. Vesper just scowled, looking like she sucked on a lemon. Ms. Sweeney elbowed Mrs. Vesper. “Oh, lighten up, you old grump. She’s just joking.” Lili’s new preppy look was the center of the normal students’ gossip mill. Lili fabricated many stories for her wardrobe change just to feed the frenzy. Deep inside, she missed all her shades of black and skulls. Her behavior improved. Somewhat. She was more careful not to get caught. She spent her afternoons taking care of Cameron instead of in detention. That was the only change she liked; it was what she’d been aiming for. He trusted her so completely, and Asha was off her back. Lili knew Asha was watching; she always was. The incident with Prissy just reaffirmed that she was always watching. But this new breathing room….if Lili was careful, her long ago plan was about to come to fruition. The idea was simply too delicious to resist. She just had to be sure it was Prissy and not Cameron who got hurt. “Lili!” Cameron raced across the regression classroom in a wobbly waddle as fast as his gargantuan, noisy diaper would allow. Today he wore jean overalls with a long sleeve red onesie. A red and blue train decorated the front bib of his overalls. The poppers on his crotch had popped open from the bulky diaper, revealing sagging yellowed plastic padding. His bib was white terry cloth trimmed in red with a brown teddybear in a diaper. His bib flapped with his jerky movements while his pacifier bounced on its clip. He waved a piece of construction paper excitedly. “Hey, Cam. Did you have a good day at school? Lili caught his soft body in her arms, hugging him tight while he buried his face in her shoulder. She poked at his exposed diaper, checking how soggy he was before snapping the poppers on his onesie then his overalls. “Uh-huh. I drew dis for yew!” He lisped in excited toddler babble. He thrust the paper at her with a big smile. A childish sketch in crayon of a girl in a black dress with purple lips and a boy in long-sleeve green shirt and blue pants with an obvious diaper bulge. They stood inside a wood box up in a big, leafy tree. “Dat’s yew and me in my twee house. In summer. I’m not allowed in any more cuz I’m a baby. But when I was in big boy classes I could. It’s waay back in Gwandma’s gawden. Maybe yew take me up dere? Peese?” His eyes shined up at her, full of hope. Ms. Sweney stared at Cameron, taken aback. This was the most out going she’d ever seen the boy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him smile like that. He used a lot of big boy words, too, sprinkled in with his usual lisp. He’d been speaking more and more like a big boy lately. He seemed actually happy, not just faking happy. At school, he was still quiet and obedient, but his smiles were bigger. His whole face lit up at the end of the day when Lili picked him up. He giggled more, too. Towards the end of the day, she’d catch him staring at the clock at fidgeting, his diaper rustling noisily. He couldn’t wait for Lili. “Good job. You worked really hard on this. I can tell.” Lili praised. Cameron nodded his head. “I love it. Thank you.” She kissed his forehead then took his hand. Mrs. Vesper handed her Cameron’s brightly colored, childish backpack with a scowl. Lili just smiled sweetly as she took it. “I carry?” He asked, reaching for the bag. Lili carried her own backpack; he wanted to show her he was a big boy. “You’re silly.” Lili slung his bookbag over her shoulder, on top of her own. Hand in hand, they left the school. Cameron crinkled along at her side. His diaper bulged out a if fighting his pants. There was no hiding all that bulky padding swaddling his thin, tiny frame. Lili buckled him into his carseat, where he felt safe and secure. The incident with Max was the end of his riding up front. He just wasn’t ready for that yet. “Juice, peese?” He lisped as Lili fastened his carseat harness. The soft adding cocooned him just like his diapers and made him feel protected. It was soft and comfortable after sitting on a hard wooden chair practically all day with only his diaper for cushion. He wiggled, getting as situated as much as the restrictive straps would allow. Lili pawed through his diaper bag in search of his bottle. His nannies kept his diaper bag immaculate, but Lili wasn’t nearly as tidy. “Here you go, baby.” “Tank yew.” He reached out for the juice, but as soon as his fingertips brushed the bottle, she pulled it out of his reach with a giggle. He pouted up at her, giving her puppy dog eyes. He knew she was just teasing. She smiled at him, brushing the rubber nipple against his pink lips then pulling it away soon as he opened his mouth. “Wiwi!” He whined, straining against the straps as he reached out. He grunted and felt warm pee spurt into his already swampy diaper. “You’re adorable.” Her lips pressed against his soft cheek, stealing a kiss as she finally slid the nipple into his mouth. His teeth clamped down hard on the nipple so she couldn’t steal his bottle again. He whined in protest, so she stole another kiss. He sucked; cool apple juice filled his mouth. He held it with one hand while picking up his paci that dangled from its clip. He poked the nipple at her lips, making her draw back. “Okay, you win.” He giggled around his bottle. Juice bubbled in the corners of his mouth and trickled down his chin and onto his already stained bib. Lili shut the back door then went to get behind the wheel. She just opened her own door when a shout echoed across the student parking lot “Hey, bitch! We’ve got some unfinished business.” Max snarled. Ever since the near-accident, he’d kept his distance, especially in school and in front of the teachers. Outside of school, their paths hadn’t crossed. “My recruitment fell through because of that diaper-shitting tard. He owes me.” “Fuck off. We owe you jackshit, douchebag.” Lili flipped her middle finger up as she climbed into the car, slamming the door shut on Max’s retaliatory scream. Tires squealed as she pulled out of the lot, forcing Max to jump back. Rubber burn marks smoked on the pavement. “Tch. Stupid asshole. I should chop his dick off.” Lili muttered to herself then glanced in the rearview mirror to check on Cameron. He trembled, whimpering softly as he fought off old memories of all the times Max had bullied him. He bit down hard on the soft nipple of his bottle, eyes scrunched close as he struggled to control his breathing. To calm down. Stay here and now, not get lost in old, painful memories. “Cam-cam? You’re safe. It’s okay, baby.” Her gentle, concerned words washed over him, soothing his anxiety. Twice, Liliana had stood up to Max. He was safe with her; she’d never hurt him. He relaxed slowly, breaths still shaky as he slowly nursed his ba-ba. He peeked up through his thick, inky black eyelashes to see Lili watching him in the mirror. He forced a small smile. “I’m okay.” Lili stared at him for a few more heartbeats then drove on. Lili pulled through the gate and up the long, looping drive to the McLeod mansion. They passed a small, employee parking lot on the side of the house along with an employee entrance. Technically, as the babysitter, she should’ve parked there. But as a fellow blueblood, she parked in the family and visitor’s lot. Prissy’s flashy car would stand out in the employee lot like a sore thumb. Even the well paid maids and chef couldn’t afford the overpriced luxury cars the upper crust of Mapleton drove. The employee cars were nice, most of them newer models popular with the middle class. No rust buckets or clunkers on their last legs. Yet the vehicles seemed small and sad in comparison to the family lot, representing the very different worlds the rich and their employees lived in. The servants were paid well, but they were still servants. Lili’s life in India hadn’t been the lap of luxury it was in America. Like everyone else on the conservation, she’d had chores. Grandpa Jack had house servants that cooked and cleaned, but Lili still woke up before dawn to feed the tigers, clean cages and enclosures, shovel tiger shit- and all of that before her own breakfast and studies. “We’re the rulers of the world. Flawed and vain. We deserve what we get.” She snorted in disgust as she parked in the family lot and slammed the driver door shut. Cameron had calmed down by now and his bottle was empty. He still held the bottle, chewing on the rubber nipple. Saliva bubbled in the corners of his mouth, dribbled down his chin, and spattered his teddy bear bib. His smile was shaky as Lili opened his car door. “Not you, sweetheart. Never you.” She muttered to herself as she took the bottle off him and replaced it in the diaper bag. “What? Lili?” Cameron glanced at her face and frowned at the dark expression. Instantly, he wondered if he’d done something to upset her. “I sowwy.” Feeling insecure, he slipped into his toddler lisp. “What?” LIli shook her head to clear her thoughts, pressing the red release button on his carseat’s harness. “No, baby. You didn’t do anything. You’re a good boy. Such a good boy.” She cooed reassuringly, using her sleeve to tenderly wipe away drool from his pink lips. Instead of feeling placated, Cameron continued to frown. She’d looked very upset when she’d opened the door. Even if he hadn't done anything wrong, he still wanted to know what was wrong with her. Maybe he could help her feel better? “What wong, Wiwi?” She smiled and shook her head. “Nothing, baby. Just contemplating the unfairness of the world. Philosophy really goes down better with alcohol.” She laughed sadly and tugged on his soft hand. “Ah, forget it. I’m being stupid. Let’s go get an after-school snack, yeah?” Cameron let her help him out of the car. His soggy diaper barely crinkled. He gazed down at his red velcro sneakers. His diaper swelled as he peed; a few crotch snaps popped open and yellow, saggy plastic peeped out. He didn’t bat an eye; he was now used to Lili changing his diapers and seeing all the ugly, burned bits of him. “The world’s never been fair. I don’t know where people get that idea from.” He spoke like a big boy, voice so soft Lili barely heard him. “Hm? Cameron? Baby?” Lili was so shocked at his soft words, she wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. Cameron shook his head, staring at his shoes. The swollen bulk of his ginormous diaper kept his legs splayed and prevented his toes from touching. He popped his thumb in his mouth, wishing for his pacifier. He couldn’t repeat himself. The bravery to voice an opinion out loud fled just as sudden as it came. “I sowwy.” Lili gently pulled his thumb out and slipped his pacifier into his mouth. “You’re right, baby. You’re right. The world’s never been a fair place. Maybe it’s humanity’s hope, our arrogance, that makes us believe we can change it. Make the world fair.” She snorted. “We really are a stupid species.” She looked at him, smiled, and gave his hand a little squeeze. Behind the plastic shield, Cameron smiled back. He let Lili lead him inside, to the kitchen for a snack.
    1 point
  10. “Come on, Cameron-baby. Let’s go out for icecream after I check your diaper. .” "Not wike dis!" He took a waddling, crinkly step back as fear spiked through him. He could not go out dressed in his normal baby clothes. He needed big boy clothes. Grandma Beatrice had been very clear about that ever since he first came home from the hospital. He was a big baby, and big babies stayed in the nursery where they belonged. Staring at the same walls everyday- nanny got him ready for school, escorted him to the car where the chauffeur dropped him off at school, picked him back up and it was right back to the nursery. The routine was boring. Safe. He was safe in his regression classroom and his nursery. No one would make fun of him. No one would hurt him. Yet, Lili...she had a scar just like him, but she did not curl up and hide like he did. He wished he could be brave like her, face the cold world. Going out for ice cream- something so simple, thrilled him. He could stay covered, his scars hidden so no one would know or stare and he would cause no trouble. Lili would be there, so everything would be alright. Not dressed as a big baby though. He shook his head, motioning to himself. "Baby." Lili closed the space between them. "Shhh. We'll change you, get you some big boy clothes. It's alright. " She slid her hands around his tiny waist, pulling him flush against her. Cameron's eyes widened as the soft mounds of her breasts smooshed against his chest. His heart beat fast and his eyes widened. He looked up at her. She smiled down at him, her head lowering to his. His heart pounded and he felt light headed. Was she going to kiss him? His first kiss. His stomach flipped-flopped and he panicked. He shoved his binky into his mouth, sucking nervously on it. This time, for the first time, it failed to soothe him. She was still so intoxicatingly, terrifyingly close. Lili paused, her eyes half lidded, partially open. "You're so shy." She grinned as if that delighted her and drew even closer still. He could see the indents on her skin where the piercing pushed through her skin. His face felt like it was on fire. He looked into her eyes, saw the passion blazing there. She wanted him- like-like- he didn’t know. The heat in her gaze overwhelmed him, scorched him. Liliana was a wild creature of passion and emotion, and he was her polar opposite; quiet, demure, shy. He had been content in his little diapered world, even if he was lonely there. He squeaked as she closed the remaining distance between them. Her teeth grabbed the ring of his binky and popped it out of his mouth. He whimpered and instinctively took a step backwards. Her arms still held him captive, so he could not move very far. His heel landed on a rattle that had fallen out of his playpen earlier that morning. The hard plastic slipped on the carpet, sending him tumbling backwards. Because of her hold on him, Liliana went with him. They landed with a thump on the carpet. "Ouch!" "Oof!" The rattle dug into Cameron's back. His thick diaper cushioned his bottom, but Lili's elbow dug into his side. She landed on top of him, her legs splayed on either side of him. He lay stunned. His first instinct was to start crying like an infant, but the feeling of Liliana's weight on top of him soothed him. Her scent surrounded him. His feelings for her confused him, but for the first time in a long time, he felt the desire to be a big boy. Big boys did not cry when they fell down. Lili had cried out in surprise, not expecting to fall. She quickly recovered, popping back up immediately. In India, she had helped her grandfather and Asha out with the tigers. Most of that was watching and caring for the tiger cubs, but she had worked with the bigger, older animals, too. She had been tackled a few times by huge, still growing cubs who did not know their own strength, so getting knocked over was nothing new to her. She straddled Cameron, sitting on his stomach. His huge diaper poofed out, giving her a cushion to sit on as she pinned him, catching his wrists and pinning him down. Just like she had pinned Priscilla. Pin her down and take what she wanted. No, not like Priscilla at all. She had wanted to hurt her cousin, intimidate her. She could not imagine hurting Cameron. He shared her feelings- she could see it when she looked into his eyes. She saw the uncertainty, the hesitancy when she got close. But she also saw the warmth and longing. He wanted her, but he was afraid to get close. Even now, his eyes were shut and his breathing was ragged; she could feel the fast rise and fall of his chest under her. Her own breathing was even but her pulse pounded in her veins. Shame washed over Cameron. Lili's weight pinned him down, so he could not crawl away. Trapped. His first instinct was to flee. Was she upset with him? Disgusted? But she wasn't pulling away...she was holding him in place. He opened his eyes to see her smirking down at him. "Falling for someone isn't meant to be taken literally." She joked and he blushed. "Silly baby." Her head lowered and he froze, having nowhere to go, unable to squirm away. As her lips inched closer, he panicked once more and squirmed, diaper rustling noisily. Her weight held him trapped. He thought his heart was going to break his ribs with all that frantic pounding. "My baby." She whispered, voice low, her breath washing over him. He froze, eyes widening as her teeth clamped onto his paci ring, gently holding it still. Cameron nervously tried to suck on the rubber nipple, but she started to pull it out of his mouth. He whined in protest and she stopped just before the nipple slipped out of his lips. Her eyes twinkled mischievously down at him, and she gently slipped it back in. He stared up at her and heat washed over him, making him dizzy. He yielded under her, soft and sweet in her arms as he surrendered to her, trusting her. Fear and panic faded, melting away under the warmth of her body pressing down on his. His body turned to jelly. He was lost in sensation, drowning under her touch. He never felt the front of his soggy diaper grow warm again, or the soggy back of his diaper push out as his bowels suddenly released. The mushy mess squished against the hard floor, trapped with nowhere to go but up between his legs. He squirmed a little at the sensation of the mess smooshing around in his diaper, but was too distracted as Liliana moved. The warm rubber of the nipple glided over his lips as she pulled it almost out again, teasing him. He closed his eyes as his mind went hazy. Was kissing like this? All these swirling emotions...they were confusing but felt so good, so right. Like it was meant to be. Fate written in the stars...that’s what Nanny Isabelle’s soap operas said. Maybe this was why unregressed boys loved kissing so much? It felt so good. Her butt pressed down on his soggy diaper, smooshing it. Her hands let go of his slim wrists, and she shifted again, placing them on his tiny waist. He was so soft and sweet she almost felt like she had a girl under her. She wanted to pull Cameron’s binky out and kiss him. She could feel his delicate body shivering under her and held herself back. She didn’t want to push him too hard or too far. She imagined kissing him would be much like kissing a girl. The idea of kissing a girl had never bothered Lili, and she had gotten to try it out quite a few times at various concerts. She had gone far in her brief bouts of experimenting. Spending most of her time on her grandfather's tiger conservatory, she did not get to socialize with others her own age very often; only when she accompanied Jack and Asha to the States did she get let loose off her proverbial leash. Babysitting Rajesh wasn’t the same as hanging out with a peer. And when she was off her leash, she ran wild. Thoughts of past one-night stands fled far from her mind. All that existed for her right now were the emotions swirling in his big doe eyes. She teased his binky some more, gently pressing the shield into his lips. Right over his nearly faded bruises from the last time Nanny Isabelle watched him. The pressure sparked memories of the angry nanny looming over him, smashing his pacifier down. He immediately stiffened, eyes screwing tight shut as his breathing became fast and shallow. Lili immediately dropped the ring and sat up. “Cameron? Baby, what’s wrong?” She touched his cheek, voice full of concern. Cameron barely heard her as he fought against the memories. This was Lili, and she wouldn’t hurt him. He clung to his trust in her as he struggled against the fear the memories dredged up. Moments passed in silence as he struggled to calm down. He wriggled a little under her, his diaper crinkling noisily. The thick diaper pushed up into Lily as Cameron squirmed beneath. He shivered, eyes tightly closed and never wanted the moment to end. Lili shifted, smooshing Cameron’s puffy diaper down and he did not even notice the mess inside squishing against him. He cracked open one eye to peek up at her. She was still so close, but instead of making him nervous, he enjoyed it. Wanted to open up to her. He wanted to say something savy and cool or romantic and sweet but words failed him. All he could manage was a clumsy nod. It was all the confirmation Lili needed. "Knew you would." She rubbed his stomach for a while until she judged he was comfortable enough. Her hands slipped under his sweater, rubbing the design on his onesie. Beneath the cloth, she could feel the uneven bumps of his burn scars. Old and healed, his flesh forever mutilated. Forever a reminder of the nightmare his father put him through. Just like Lili’s scars would always be a memento carved into her flesh from the tiger, and her dance with Indonesian law. Her hands roamed lower. Instead of burned skin she found the soft, crinkly padding of his diaper. A little lower her roaming fingers encountered the elastic waistband of his pants. Her fingertips dipped in, the onesie still covering his diaper, keeping her from getting to it. Cameron suddenly pulled away, head lolling against the floor as he panted, needing oxygen. She could feel the desperate rise and fall of his thin chest. Her breathing had increased but not like his had. She smiled crookedly. "You forgot to breathe." Cameron peered up at her, his eyes hazy. She was teasing him, and he blushed in response. He automatically opened his mouth to apologize. "Such a shy baby." Lili purred. His innocence enchanted her, reminding her of a fairytale princess. she tickled his sides. He squirmed, diaper crinkling but his face stayed covered. He struggled to say something, to retort, but all that came out was a strangled squeak. He coughed, clearing his throat and drew unsteady breaths, trying to get himself back under control. "Cameron. Baby boy. Look at me." Her tone was gentle but firm. A command. Cameron hesitated then spread his fingers, peeking out at her. She gently grabbed his thin wrists and lowered his hands. "Baby. Do you want to be a big boy? A big baby?." He said nothing but looked up at her doubtfully. She rubbed his kiss swollen lips. "You liked it, yeah?" His blush spread all over his face and he lowered his eyes. All the answer she needed. "It felt good.". He nervously licked his lips, his tongue licking her finger. She grinned. "You want to do it some more." He did not meet her eyes but nodded his head. "Baby that doesn't make you a bad boy. It makes you a big boy. My big diaper baby." She teased then started tickling him, hands under his sweater once more. Cameron writhed and thrashed as he was tickled, laughing loudly. Lili had no trouble keeping him pinned. In one swift movement, she pulled his infantile sweater over his head. His bib tore off with the loud sound of Velcro ripping open, and his paci clip stayed firmly attached to his sweater collar. He lay before her in just his long sleeved onesie and pants. Lili tugged on his waistband, tugging his pants down a few inches over the thick bulge of his diaper. Cameron froze, grabbing at his pants. She tugged on his waistband, tugging his pants down a few inches over the thick bulge of his diaper. Cameron froze, grabbing at his pants. "No, please!" Cameron froze, grabbing at his pants. "No, please!" She would see his ugly scars, his diaper. He felt exposed enough in just his onesie. In his panic, and wanting to be a big boy, his usual toddler lisp was gone. In its place, he spoke like a big boy. "Cameron." Lili softened her voice, seeing the absolute terror in his eyes as he gazed pleadingly at her. She felt him shake as he gripped her wrists tightly. She could yank free, tear his pants off, but that would destroy their relationship. He would never trust her again. "Baby." She let go of his pants, and he released her wrists as she scooted back up on him, sitting on his stomach and the upper part of his diaper. She reached up past his head, where his sweater lay in a jumbled ball. She tugged his binky free from its ribbon and clip, then slipped it between his lips. Cameron instinctively sucked on the rubber nipple as Lili rolled to her side, laying next to him on the nursery carpet. He grabbed one of her hands, entwining his slim fingers with hers and squeezing gently, trying to tell her he was sorry, it was too much too fast for him. She lay on her side, head propped up on one arm, staring down at him. She waited until he had calmed down, then lowered her head next to his ear. "Baby. I've already seen you get your diapee changed, remember? At school?" He nodded. Oh, he remembered. He had never forgotten. "Dis- diffwent." He explained, lisping once again. Her lips twitched, but not in a smile. She was much closer to him this time, would be up close and personal. Very hands on. Intimate. Intimidating. "Oh? How so?" She asked, like she already knew the answer but just wanted to hear it from his mouth. He whined softly behind his binky. "Cuz. It is." He shrugged, unable to find the words to tell her the jumbled mess of emotions he was feeling. "Lili touch. Change mah diapee." She nodded. "Yes, sweetie. I'm going to change your diapee. You can't stay in that diapee all day, and I promised I'd take you for ice cream." His eyes grew big as saucers. Diaper changes, he didn't mind. But for Lili to touch him there, to see those horrid, ugly scars, the disfiguration covering most of his body...yes, Lili had a scar, but it was small compared to his. Just a little blight on her beauty, whereas his...his only stroke of luck, aside from surviving, had been his fingers and face had been spared. "Is this about your boo-boos? Your scars?" Lili slipped into the speech Ms. Sweeney and Mrs. Vesper had used, but corrected herself. Cameron nodded but managed to look up at Lili; she saw the pain reflected in his eyes. If she saw how extensive his scars were, saw how ugly they were up close, he feared she would turn away in disgust, would leave him. He could not blame her if she did. He was a freak. A misshapen monster. "Dey ugwy." He lisped softly, tears brimming in his eyes. "Hey. Shh. Don't cry, yeah?" Lili sat up, pulling her pearl pink shirt up over her head, revealing a white lace bra with with tiny rhinestones on each nipple. His face flushed, but it was not her pert, generously endowed breasts that drew his attention. It was the scarred half of her torso, where the huge animal had torn into her. "See? Here's my scar." She captured one of his trembling hands and guided it to her stomach. The normal part of her stomach was smooth and flat. She guided him over to the scarred side of her torso. He felt each bump, each deep groove of her missing flesh. She shivered though he kept his touch light as a bird's wing. Was this what someone felt when they touched his scars? Cameron's flesh had been burned, melted, blistered and popped, but none of it was missing. In some ways, Liliana's mutilation, though not as widespread over her body, was worse than his own. The red, pink, and white colors of the scar were similar to his own, but the deep grooves in her flesh both fascinated and repulsed him as he rubbed a finger in it. "Ah." She gasped when he hit a particular deep and sensitive spot. She panted lightly and took his hand in her own again. "Pretty gross, huh?" His eyes flew up to her. Did she really think her scar made her ugly? "N-no!" He shook his head in denial. "Does my scar make me ugly?" She asked, amusement in her voice. Again, he shook his head, and let his binky fall out of his mouth. "Lili pretty." He said it vehemently, as if willing her to believe it. She grinned in triumph. "Cameron's pretty, too. My pretty baby." Cameron stilled in surprise. Pretty. No one called him pretty once they saw his scars. No one except Liliana. Warmth stirred in his heart, faintly, along with the brief thought, that maybe, just maybe, his scars really weren't that bad?' He shook his head. His scars had brought him nothing but cruelty, rejection, teasing from his normal peers. "Ugwy. Fweddy Kweugar." He whispered softly, a tear trickling down his cheek as he turned his head away from her. Just saying that name made him cringe. Lili lowered her head, tongue darting out, licking his cheek and catching his tear. The metal tips of her snake bite spikes brushed over his soft skin. He drew in a sharp breath at the contact. "It's not true." For once, Lili's voice was fierce, dead serious. "Pissy's the one who gave you that nick name." Cameron curled in on himself, cringing at the anger in Lili's voice. He nodded in confirmation, even though she did not ask. Pretty, popular Priscilla. How Cameron had tried to give her a wide berth, and how she had zoned in on him like a shark scenting blood in the water. How could Priscilla and Liliana be from the same family tree? He could see it, vaguely- they were both terrifying when they were angry. "S-sowwy." He whispered, apologizing automatically. Lili's arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him against her. Her breasts squashed into his back. "You've nothing to be sorry for. But Pissy's plenty sorry. She'll be even sorrier." Liliana grumbled to herself. Her mind slipped back to the fear in Prissy’s eyes as she loomed over her and diapered her. She remembered Prissy’s garbled screams as she helplessly, noisily shit herself in front of Max. The old anger and hatred burned hot in her veins, but the memory of her conversation with Asha doused the fire. Just what had Asha meant? Silence fell between them as they both calmed down, reigning their emotions in. Cameron quietly sucked his paci. The hard floor was starting to hurt his back and make him uncomfortable. He shifted, diaper crinkling. He felt the front grow warm as he peed, and finally became aware of the mess he was sitting in. He stilled. Lili would *have* to change his diaper now; there was no getting around it. He needed a clean diaper before he leaked and flared up his diaper rash. He started at the sudden poke in his side, the finger pushing in on the top of the back of his diaper. "Hey, baby?" Lili called softly, testing his emotional state. "Yeah?" He answered just as quietly. "Who do you think's smarter- me or Pissy Prissy?" Her tone was full of her old arrogance and joviality. His lips turned in a little smile. "Yew." "Damn straight I am. So, if I say you're pretty and Pissy's an idiot, then you're pretty. Yeah?" Cameron hesitated, his old fears holding him back. He wanted to believe her; she was the first one to call him pretty. Cute. Even with his scars. A warm candle glow flickered in his heart. She poked him; his diaper crinkled as her finger pushed into the soggy padding. "Y-yeah." He stuttered. "I don't believe you. ." "Y-yeah!" He forced out shakily. "Yeah, what?" "L-Lili smart!" "Yes, and what else? What did Lili say?" The finger did not move from his back, ready to jab him again. "I-I pwetty!" "Yes, you are." Lili cooed and stole a quick kiss on his cheek. 'Now, you got to see my scar, so it’s only fair I get to see yours. I need to check your diaper, anyway." She was going to change his diaper. See his scars. She wouldn’t think he was pretty then. Cameron’s lower lip trembled as panic and fear knotted in his chest. His eyes burned with suppressed tears. He bit lip lip, wanting his binky, to curl up and hide in his crib under his blanky. He shifted, trying to find a more comfortable spot on the hard floor. The mess in his diaper squished, cooling off and starting to feel unpleasant. It itched with the faint stinging tinge of a blossoming diaper rash. He would rather have a bad diaper rash than for Lili to see his scars and reject him, repulsed by their ugliness. Would she reject him? He looked up into her eyes. Her gaze was deep, sincere. He but his lip, teeth digging into the soft flesh, hesitated a moment, and nodded. She rewarded him with a grin and a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. He blushed. "That's my brave baby." Lili pulled his pants off, revealing his bare legs. They were long and slender, almost girly looking just like the rest of him. Instead of creamy porcelain fair skin of a fairytale princess, his legs were covered in puckered swirls of red, pink and white. The burned skin was puffy in places and shallower in others, melted and swirled together. Lili gently stroked the burn scars. The burns went down his entire length of his legs. She took off his socks. The burns ended in the middle of his foot. Above the melted skin was the smooth princess skin Lili so admired on him. The burns ended oddly in a straight line. Lili tilted her head to one side, gently tracing the line with one finger. "It’s true then. This was no accident." She spoke more to herself than to him. Cameron lay stiff as a board, letting Lili explore his mutilated flesh. He just whimpered softly in acknowledgement, not wanting to talk about it. He squirmed, wriggling his toes and making his huge diaper rustle. "Ah. I need to check your diaper." She could tell by how stiff his limbs felt, his posture and expression that he did not want to talk about it. Could barely tolerate her touching him. She ran her hands up his scarred legs to the tremendous bulge of his diaper. Cameron stilled, tension flowing out of his body. She had not recoiled from him. She popped open his onesie, revealing his diaper. It sagged, the white plastic tinged yellow and brown, heavy with his urine and poop. She poked at his diaper, the same way she had jabbed his side. "I see some baby really needs a new diapee." She teased, one finger pushing on the smooth plastic covering his soggy crotch some more. He could barely feel the jabs through the thick padding encasing him. "Lili." He protested, blushing and squirming. "Okay, okay." She tugged his onesie up and examined the monstrously thick diaper. "It’s Winnie the pooh!" She poked at the diapers front panel. "Some baby really likes pooh bear, yeah?" She glanced around at the nursery decorations. She looked at him; he blushed, nodding. When he had been regressed in the hospital, he had taken a shine to Winnie the pooh. "I'll have to remember that." Lili said more to herself. She lifted his onesie and he sat up, diaper crinkling noisily. He raised his hands and she pulled the material over his head, tossing it aside by his sweater. He lay back, naked except for his well used diaper, scars fully exposed to Lili. She stared down at her baby boy. Cameron shivered, feeling chilly and vulnerable. Nothing was hidden from her, and he was afraid to look at her. She sat back on her heels, just staring down at him, at the mementos of the violence done to him by his father. The burn started just below his collarbone and ended half way down his feet. The bottom part of his palms were burned, too, leaving his fingers and toes undamaged. The clear burn lines intrigued her; he had been dipped into the near-boiling water. She had learned this from one of Jill's gossipy housemaids. Lili stared down at the burn line. She bent low, kissing his chest. Right on his ugly scars. Over his heart. The burned skin was mottled, lumpy and bumpy under her lips. "Baby, you're beautiful to me." Cameron gasped, eyes flying open to look up at her. "L-Lili!" She smiled and kissed his nose again. "Never be ashamed. It's part of who you are. It shows the shit you survived. You're stronger than you know, pretty baby." She loomed over him, her generously endowed breasts almost popping out of her lace bra. One of her knees slipped between his splayed legs, accidentally brushing against his inner thigh. His breath caught in his chest and his head buzzed. For once he noticed the sensation of his mess and soggy padding pressing into him. She just thought he was being shy about his scars again. Their scarred sides touched, her gouged flesh melding to his burned skin. "Look at that, they match." She joked. Cameron raised his head to peer down at their torsos. He hated looking at his body, but with Lili he felt almost beautiful. The front of his soggy padding grew warm as he wet some more. His saturated padding was dangerously close to leaking. She ran her hands over his scars, rubbing along the scar line and lower until she came to the top of his massive diaper. A giggle escaped him when her fingers brushed his scarred sides, hitting his ticklish spots. “Oh? Is baby ticklish?” A wicked grin spread across her face. Before Cameron could respond, her fingers danced all over his sides, tickling him and causing him to giggle madly. Her fingers explored all over, searching out new tickling spots. One hand traveled down to his thighs. Her eyes widened when she felt something warm and wet by the diaper's leg gatherers. She looked down in surprise, sitting up. "Uh oh. Looks like a baby sprung a leak." She wrinkled her nose, realizing there was pee on her palm. Discretely, she wiped her hand on the carpet. Changing diapers was part and parcel of being with a baby boy, and changing Cameron would be a lot more pleasant than changing Prissy. She smoothed her face, biting back her reluctance. She didn’t like this, but if it meant being with Cameron, she would have to accept it. Cameron gasped for breath, face red as he giggled and panted. He blinked, realizing his diaper had leaked. "Oh. S-sowwy." He mumbled in embarrassment. What a big baby he was- he could not even tell when his diaper had leaked. Hell, he had not even realized it was messy right away. He was just too used to his diapers, and to others taking responsibility for changing them. Maybe he should start being a big boy and take care of his own diapees? At least tell people when he was wet or messy? Liliana snorted at his automatically mumbled sorry. She wondered how many times he had been guilt tripped him into saying that. "It's just a bit of water. Come on, let’s get this pretty baby into a clean diapee." She held her hands out to him. Cameron blushed, the word pretty still felt strange when applied to him. Many people told him he had a pretty face. Those same people recoiled in horror at his scars. Only crazy, wild Liliana would call a boy covered in burns pretty. He knew he was not pretty, would never be, but it was nice to pretend. To not have to hide anything. To not disgust someone with just the sight of his mutilated flesh. It was why he wore so many layers, even in the hot summer months. So no one would have to look at his horrid scars. The scars Lili called pretty. He placed both his soft princess hands in hers. Her long fingers wrapped around his and he felt the strength in her hold as she hauled him to his feet, pulling his slight weight up with ease. He rocked forward, slightly off balance from the force of her pull. She caught him, stepping close so he leaned against her shoulder. "You're as unsteady as a toddler." She joked and he blushed, burying his face in her bare shoulder. Her skin was milky white and flawless, like a princess with the heart of a prince. Lili patted his diapered rump. His diaper sagged between his legs without his onesie to hold it up, dragged down by gravity and the weight of his urine and poop. She made a face at the squishy sensation, then started poking at his backside, feeling the telltale lumps of mess. She pulled the waistband of his diaper back, peering down into it. "Oh. Yuck. Damn." She said upon viewing the mess that had been smooshed around. "Sowwy." He pressed his face into her neck, trying to hide. He was used to messy diapers; he was not used to Lili changing them. She accepted his scars, so his soiled diapers wouldn’t drive her away. He hoped. His heart sped up. "Shush. Don't worry, baby. It's what babysitters like me are for." Her tone was overly smug as she tried to relax him. Cameron blushed and Lili laughed. "Well, that sounds better than nanny. " He just grunted in reply, and she playfully swatted his behind. He didn’t react as she squished his mess around; she was the one who winced. “Diapee icky?” He asked softly. "Ugh. Understatement of the year, baby boy. Well, let’s get this over with.” She bit back a groan and took his hand then led him to the changing table. Cameron crinkled and waddled, his legs spread far apart. He really, really wanted a clean diaper more than anything else right now. Messy diapers didn’t bother him, but Lili would be more comfortable once he was in a clean diaper. Then she’d put his clothes back on, hiding his scars again. Making him more comfortable. He waddled as fast as he could, pulling on her hand. “Geez, you’re even more eager than me.” She laughed and tugged, holding him back. He whined and tugged. "Peese." He lisped. "Icky diapee." She just shrugged and let him tug her on, amazed at how her big baby could toddle so fast. Once at the table, he hopped up and laid down, spreading his legs just like he always did. "Diaper change. Right. I got this. Yeah?" Lili talked more to herself, squatting down and pulling a diaper out from one of the many stacks under the changing table. "Just like changing Prissy." Except she had left changing Priscilla to the home care workers. She had attempted to change her a time or two, taunting her with those baby diapers, but each time a home care worker had arrived and unknowingly ended her fun, or Asha would interrupt when she decided Liliana had enough fun and Priscilla enough torment for one day. Even with Asha’s grandnephew, Lili had rarely changed him. Just enough to learn how to do it right. When diapering Prissy, anger had overridden her uncertainty. If Prissy’s diaper leaked from not being taped on correctly, who cared? Now, with Cameron, she wanted to do it right. Cameron smiled a little. Liliana was always so sure of herself, so bold and decisive. Now, she hesitated over a simple thing like a diaper change. "Diapee. Wipes. Powder." He called helpfully. She looked more closely at the stacks of diapers, grabbing one. She fumbled around with the different tubs of wipes, finding one that was open and setting it up on top of the changing mat between Cameron's splayed legs. "Got it. Powder...here we go." She found the open powder bottle and stood up, looking down at him and checking the supplies. "Something's missing..." The metal spikes of her snakebites moved as her tongue toyed with them inside her mouth. Cameron raised himself up, looking down his scarred torso and past the thick bulge of his dirty diaper to see what she had laid out. His diaper, wipes, and powder...."Diapee cweam?" He suggested helpfully in his usual toddler lisp. "Yeah. That's it. Thanks, baby." She patted his red and pink mottled scar covered knee, then bent down for one last rummage under the changing table. "Here we go." She popped back up with a tube of diaper rash cream. "I don't know how long you've been in that poopy diapee." She said it with implication, looking at him. Cameron smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders. He was not sure when he had pooped, but he had a vague idea. Maybe when he was distracted by her teasing him with his binky? He blushed at the memory, and at the knowledge he had pooped himself while she was so close. He was very, very glad his grandmother had him on the odor-neutralizing pills. Otherwise, that would have been a disaster; shitting himself and stinking up the room with a dirty diaper while being so close to Lili. What a shitty situation. He smiled a little at the pun. He felt so brazen and bold for using a naughty no-no swear word, even if it was just inside his head. "What's so amusing?" Lili asked as she reached for the diaper tapes. She hadn’t expected him to become so relaxed with her seeing his scars and cleaning poop off his butt. It showed his level of trust in her, melted the monster lurking in her heart. Cameron just smiled and shook his head, teasing her. "I wanna know." She poked his soggy diaper. He twitched, squeaking in surprise. She smirked. "Lili not know diapee changing." He smiled, teasing her with his baby lisp. "Oh? And that's funny?" He nodded. "Uh-huh." She jabbed the front panel of his diaper, right by his belly button; he squeaked again. Her smirk widened into a smile. "Now, that's funny." He pouted at her getting the last word, then she ripped open his diaper tapes, pulling the diaper front down and revealing the mess inside. He shivered as cool air washed over his warm, wet and messy privates. Even mutilated with disfiguring burn scars, his diaper area was hyper sensitive to temperature. He laid back and closed his eyes, relaxing. If she could touch his mutilated flesh and not recoil, surely she could handle changing his diaper. Could she handle this? Lili nodded to herself. The only way to do it was to...well, do it. She curled her upper lip in distaste as she gazed down at the mess coating his scarred privates. She grit her teeth and got on with it, using the front of the diaper to wipe the majority of the mess off. She tapped his thigh. He automatically pushed up with his heels, lifting his bottom up. "Lift your bummy - good boy." His messy bottom was already up in the air before the words left her mouth. "You're more familiar with this than I am, yeah?" She teased as she pulled the dirty diaper out from under him. She took the first of many big sized baby wipes, wiping him down, front to back. Once she got the majority of the mess off, cleaning in every swirled, melted nook and cranny, she set the used wipes down on the dirty diaper then balled it up, setting it aside. His now clean diaper area was as burned as the majority of his body. The skin was mottled, ridged and swirled in various shades of white, red and pink. His diaper rash blended into his disfigured scars. She fumbled with the new diaper, flapping it open and unfolding it, then laying under him. "Okay, down baby." Cameron lowered his bottom onto the soft, thick padding of the awaiting diaper. It felt like he was laying on a cushion. It was a sensation he was used to. He wriggled his bottom, snuggling into his new diaper. "Don't get too comfy just yet." She squeezed a big dollop of diaper ointment onto her fingers and started with his backside. Instead of pushing up with his heels to raise his bottom up, Cameron pulled his knees into his chest, spreading his burned buttcheeks apart. "Good baby." She spread the cream in a thick layer, rubbing it into his scarred skin, all along his crack, then slapped his bare bottom playfully. He jumped and a small spurt of pee arced out, just missing her. "Well. You really don't get that changing girls." She said lightly, pushing back her disgust. She didn’t feel the biting anger she did when Prissy peed on her. Disgust, yes, but even that was milder. Neither Prissy nor Cameron had control when they peed, yet she was more accepting of Cameron’s accidents. Maybe...her hatred of her cousin blinded her to what Prissy had become? Cameron blinked. "What happened?" "You peed when I spanked your tushy." "Oh. Sowwies." He blushed a little; he had not even felt himself pee. “Shit happens. Or, piss, in this case." She laughed a little, dabbed him with the front of the clean diaper to mop up any drops of lingering urine, then spread another glob of cream on his front. Cameron was relaxed; he was used to having different people change his diapers, from the nurses in the hospital to the different nannies the agency sent. Having Lili touch his scars was far more intimate to him than a diaper change, so now he was fully comfortable with her changing his diapers. Touching his scarred privates. She wiped the cream off her hands with a wipe, then fussed with the diaper, making sure it was positioned right. She took longer than his nannies and teachers at school did; they were all very efficient diaper changers. "Now, the piece de resistance." She crooned in a very phony French accent as she held the baby powder bottle above his crotch, turned it upside down and thwacked it. Baby powder poured out, dumping down on his crotch. A sweet scented cloud swirled up, making both of them cough. Lili waved her hand, taking a step back to clear the airborne powder while Cameron just lay on the table, coughing and coughing. Hearing his coughing, she stepped close and waved the cloud away from his face. Once the powder settled, Cameron still coughed, thin chest heaving before finally clearing the dust out. Lili stepped back to the bottom of the changing table. A fine layer of white lay over Cameron's mottled belly like a dusting of snow. His crotch was completely covered in white like the North Pole. "Lili!" His voice warbled with a bold reprimand, annoyed at her antics. Surely it had been an accident, but in the heat of the moment he did not stop to think. He just reacted to being smothered in baby powder. Lili chuckled then noticed the scrunched up, pouty expression on his pretty face. "What?" she asked innocently, reaching down to pat the cool powder into his skin. He twitched, opening his mouth but his reply turned into a garbled squeak as she grabbed his sensitive bits and rubbed. His privates were so heavily coated with rash cream all she did was combine the powder and cream into a thick paste that clung to him in a heavy layer, fully covering his burn scars. Cameron squirmed on the open diaper, his cheeks sticking together. “Too much. Feels icky.” It felt like he was still coated in poop. She finished cleaning her hands with another wipe and pulled the front of the diaper tight up between his legs, fussing with getting the panel placed just right. "Well, you won't need to worry about a rash, yeah?" She seemed pleased with the outcome; she had expected it to go far worse. Cameron sighed in resignation. There just was no winning with her. Not that he had enough spine to butt heads against her. But his nannies were much better at diaper changes. She wasn’t a nanny or a teacher. He should cut her some slack; at least she put his diaper on the right way. She pulled the tapes tight, tugging here and there. She stuck them in place, checked his leg gathers, then finished with a slap to his diapered crotch. The fluffy, thick padding cushioned it to a gentle pat. "That wasn't so bad. Yeah?" Cameron gave her a beady eyed look. She might not be as professional as his nannies, but she was much more fun. He smiled a little. "Not bad." He held out his hands to her like a toddler asking to be picked up. Lili took them; he hauled himself up, her hands keeping him steady as he sat up on the padded changing table. He looked down at his diaper. Red fire trucks decorated the front panel, partly covered up by the sturdy tapes. He poked at the leg gathers; they felt and looked just like when his nannies did it. He wondered if she had more experience than she was letting on. "Baby loves a nice clean diapee, yeah?" Lili cooed with just a touch of malice to her voice as her mind drifted to the last time she’d fastened a diaper on her cousin. Cameron froze, glancing up into her sneering face. He was shocked by the sudden, unexpected hostility. Was he imagining it? He had to be. With that expression on her face, she looked so, so much like Priscilla. The tone in her voice was just like Priscilla’s when she had taunted him in the halls, when the school attempted to mainstream him. He whimpered softly, old terror of his old bully bubbling up. He tried to fight it. Lili was not like her cousin. She was not a monster like Priscilla was. Lili was a monster. Grandma Jill was right. Lili realized her slip up at the dashed, wounded look on Cameron’s face. Fear flashed as he stared at her, looking as stricken as if she had physically slapped him. It was quickly gone, replaced with a look of disbelief and confusion. This was a side of her he had never seen. She had forgotten herself, let that dark part of herself out. She had meant those words, but had not meant to direct them at Cameron. It was her tone. She had meant to go for a light, teasing tone to make him blush, and instead a patronizing sneer fell from poisoned lips. “Cameron! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was thinking of someone else. Not you. Never you. Baby, I’m so sorry.” She poured out her remorse, eyes begging him to forgive her. “It’s...okay?” He asked softly, staring unsurely at her. He bit his lower lip. Had he made her mad? “It’s okay. I’m sorry. You forgive me? I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry.” Cameron blinked, taken aback at the desperation in her voice. Usually he was the one saying how sorry he was. A tentative, wavering smile curled the corners of his mouth. “I fowgive. Forgive.” He corrected his default lisp. “I really am sorry.” She looked at him, as if she was afraid to touch him, afraid she’d break him. “I forgive you.” He spoke softly then tentatively poked her shoulder, just like she’d poked him earlier. He smiled tentatively. Realizing she really was forgiven, Lili grinned back. “Thank you, Cameron.” She immediately stepped close, arms slipping around his tiny, thin waist in a hug, drawing him to her warmth, her body. His burned flesh felt bumpy and misshapen against her bare skin. Just like her own scar on her side felt, and the ones on her back. "I’d never hurt you.” She whispered, voice serious as if she was making a promise she meant to keep. Reassured, he hugged her back, laying his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes and inhaling her scent deep into his lungs, trying to memorize it. Her perfume mingled with his own baby powder fresh scent. Lili gave his soft cheek a quick peck then stepped away. "Now, let's find the baby some big boy clothes to wear." She left to rummage through his closet, leaving him sitting up on the changing table, naked except for his diaper. He was not sure now what he was. A big baby? A big boy in diapers? He had been content and safe as a baby. He needed his diapers, that much was certain. He loved his nursery, his bibs and binky and his crib. He also liked being with Lili. Did he want her as a babysitter, or a friend? Maybe both? The feelings she stirred in him confused him. He wanted to sit up front with her in her car. Be a big boy. He slid off the changing table, fresh diaper crinkling, the smell of baby powder clinging to him as he toddled after her. He frowned as he passed the wet spot on the carpet, where his diaper had leaked. The heater kicked on, sending warm air into the nursery. Cameron crinkled and waddled into his walk in closet, following Lili. A childish, silly urge came upon him as he spied her at the very back of the closet, bent over and digging deep through some storage shelves. He waddled up noisily behind her, as quiet as could be with bare feet on the carpet, only the rustling of his diaper to give him away. Ms. Sweeney and Mrs. Vesper would be shocked if they knew what he was up to. The other regression students did this a lot, squealing, laughing and scaring one another. Not Cameron. He'd jump and giggle when Leroy snuck up on him, but he never did it to others. He was the baby content to quietly play in the corner, off by himself. He stealthily waddled until he was so close to Lili he could smell her perfume. "Boo!" he called, almost shouting. Lili did not so much as twitch or give any indication she had heard him. He waited several heartbeats, face scrunched up in confusion. "Boo?" he asked, quieter. She did not move. He crinkled closer, able to reach out and touch her. Any closer and the thick bulk of his huge diaper would brush up against her. She was heavier than him- he was a scrawny boy, but his monstrous diaper gave him a much bigger butt than hers. His butt was all diaper padding. "Lili?" he called even softer, uncertainty lacing his tone. Was she okay? Was she mad at him? He bit his lip. He should have just been a good baby and waited for her on the changing table. When she still did not move, he hesitantly reached forward to touch her. His fingertip was less than a centimeter from her backside when- "BOO!" Lili leapt up like a tiger springing from a crouch, grabbing his waist. Cameron shrieked, voice high and shrill as a girl’s. Liliana laughed, her grip on him keeping him in place. "Gotcha baby." "Lili!" He whined as her laugh died down to chuckles. "Hey, you were gonna do it to me." She replied cheekily. He just pouted and impulsively stuck his tongue out at her. "Is that an invitation?" He blinked in confusion. "I'm tempted to steal a kiss, pretty boy." Her tone was light and joking. He gulped, blushing, eyes wide and she laughed again. "Oh, I love teasing you. You're so pretty when you blush." He whined softly in protest. "Okay, okay. I've had enough fun for now. Here, step in this." She bent down, picking up the pair of baby blue corduroy pants she had dropped as she spun around. Warm pee spurted into his fresh diaper; the absorbent, thick padding quickly whisked it away. She held out the pants for him to step into. "Onesie?" He asked uncertainly. He always wore a onesie over his diapers to help hide his scars. She straightened. "Thought you wanted to play big boy today, yeah?” She raised an eyebrow. He nodded. He did. But..."Onesie, please?" he asked softly. "I always wear. Hides diapee. Hides boo-boos." He wanted to be a big boy, but in baby steps. More importantly, his scars needed covered. Lili surveyed him for a long moment. "Oh, alright. Onesie it is." She gave in but he knew from her tone she was reluctant about it. He smiled and looked up at her. "Thank yew." He started off in big boy speech then slipped into his usual toddler lisp. She melted under that soft, imploring look, knowing she could force him to not wear one. She took his hand and guided him back out of the closed, slinging the pants and a hooded sweatshirt she yanked blindly off a hanger in passing. Cameron pointed out his onesie drawer and she dug through it. "Okay baby." Lili held up a yellow onesie with a fluffy white sheep embroidered on the front, and a frilly Peter pan collar edged in white lace, and white lace on the cuffs. “Kinda girly, but cute, yeah?” Cameron blushed and nodded his agreement it was cute. He didn’t think it was that girly, just infantile. Maybe the lace made it girly? "Gwandpa got it. Christmas last year." He sighed a little. He had only seen his grandpa a few times; the old man spent most of his time in Paris. With his pretty, young male personal assistant. "Gwandma says his secwa- secretary picked it out..." He started off in his habitual toddler lisp, then switched to big boy words. His voice grew softer as he spoke, voicing aloud thoughts he had never shared with anyone, not even his therapist or doctors. He was quite sure his grandfather had just tossed his credit card to his personal assistant and offhandedly told him to buy some Christmas presents for his grandchild. When asked what to buy, Grandpa would shrug and say "How the hell should I know? Just get whatever" and go back to his precious reports. Lili unsnapped the shoulder lapel. "Hey, at least the old man's side piece got the color right. Points for trying, yeah? Arms up!" Cameron reached up so she could slide the girly garment over his head. “Uh oh, where did Cameron go?" She cooed in a sing song voice then pulled the onesie all the way down while he struggled to get his arms in the holes. "There he is!" she praised when his head popped out, playing an impromptu game of peek a boo. He giggled, amused at her silly antics. She knelt, grunting as she fought to tug the onesie down past the ridiculous bulge of his thick diaper, struggling to snap it closed. He wobbled slightly as she yanked and pulled on the onesie bottom. He pulled at the lace on the collar, sighing softly once his scars were safely out of sight. Lili told him he was pretty; she’d even kissed his scars. He blushed, both pleased and ashamed. So many people over so many years had been horrified of his monstrous scars. Bullies at school saddled him with his Freddy Kreugar nickname. He’d been conditioned to hide his scars, to always keep them covered. Even when he was alone, he felt safer with them hidden from view. Cameron fidgeted,tugging on his sleeves. Snap. Snap. Snap. He heard the onesie crotch snap into place. "Hah. Totally knew it would fit." Lili congratulated herself then stood up and held out the pants once more. He placed his hands on her shoulders for balance and stepped in one foot at a time. Tiny snaps ran along the inseam with a generous, diaper accommodating crotch. The metal snaps were painted baby blue, blending in with the cloth. Baby blue pants with a frilly yellow onesie. He looked more like a baby girl with a prominent diaper bulge than a big boy. "Hell’s bells, you look like a baby girl. So much for being a big boy, yeah?" Lili laughed. Cameron blushed and shifted, diaper crinkling. The soft padding clung to him from the powder and rash paste coating him. "I'm not a girl...I like being a boy..." He voiced his opinion hesitantly. What he wanted or liked was not often taken into consideration by those in charge of him. Lili eyed the hoodie she had grabbed. It was from Disneyland in France. Cream with Winnie the Pooh on it, zip front so Cameron's lacey Peter pan collar would pop out on top. She held the hoodie up and Cameron obediently slid his arms in. She tugged here and there, adjusting it, pulling his onesie collar out then zipping it up. She stepped back to admire his outfit. His pretty face only made him look more girly. A big girl, not a grown up. Hell, not even teenager. He went from baby boy to little girl, and even that image was destroyed by the bulge of his titanic diaper straining against his pants. There was simply no hiding something that massive and noisy. "That’s not much of an improvement, is it?" Lili appraised. “Even your big boy clothes aren’t very big.” She cut herself off before she almost added, ‘no wonder the other kids picked on you.’ Cameron shrunk shyly under her scrutiny. He looked down. His outfit was kinda babyish, maybe, but he felt like a big boy in it. How did Lili see it as girly? No dress, and no pink. Pastel blue and yellow and cream; those were baby colors. Big girls could wear pastels. Boys weren’t supposed to? But he’d seen normal teen boys wearing them. It had to be the lace on the onesie collar. He peeked questioningly up at Lili and almost felt like he was under his grandmother’s judgemental glare. Beatrice would be very upset if she knew he had gone out in public. Good babies stayed inside where they belonged. "Cameron? Baby?" Lili watched his face fall and he lowered his head again, closing himself off from her. She took his hand and gave it a little squeeze. “You look cute! Really cute. I’m just being weird and oversensitive cuz of this crap Asha has me wearing.” She gestured to her own outfit. "...Maybe...we just stay here? No ice cream?" His voice was soft, sad, reluctant to make the suggestion. "Why?" Lili’s eyebrows shot up, not expecting that reaction. He winced. "Cuz...gwamma-grandma- won't l-like it. I....should be..a good boy." He mumbled, almost slipping into a toddler lisp. "Bullshit." At the harsh swear, his head flew up in shock. Lili gave a sharp nod of her head for emphasis. "You’re a good baby. You're also a big boy. We're just going for ice cream. It's not a crime, and I've got your diaper bag right... here. Somewhere. Well, I had it." She’d found the one his nannies kept packed and ready to go inside his closet. That showed how often he got to go anywhere. “B-but-” “No buts. I’m the babysitter. I’m calling the shots. I’ll handle the old bat if she says anything. So, we’re going.” Lili spoke with all the finality and easy confidence as she had in school, when she’d promised Cameron she’d become his babysitter. Cameron stared at her dubiously. She was his babysitter, but she felt more like a friend and caregiver rolled into one. The babysitting thing hadn’t gone as smoothly as she’d promised. Somehow, she was being punished for something with her own horridly preppy outfit. Deep in his bones, he knew she was overestimating this little jaunt, too. “I’ll protect you. You’ll be safe. Everything will be fine. The old bird won’t even know we were out. It’s just a little bit of ice cream, not a federal crime. What could possibly go wrong?” He continued to stare and chewed his lower lip. He wanted his binky, but he was trying to be a big boy, and big boys didn’t use binkies. He fingered the paci Lili had put in the pocket of his hoodi. “Maybe…” He wavered. He could practically taste the cold, sweet treat right now. He’d be out with Lili, just the two of them. Lots of people went out for ice cream every day. His babysitter said it was okay, so he really wasn’t being a bad boy, was he? Maybe Grandma wouldn’t mind, just this once? “O-okay…” “Yay. We’re going to have so much fun!” Lili’s head swiveled as she cheered, looking for the diaper bag. She found it by the closet door where she’d tossed it. Before Cameron could change his mind, she slung it over one shoulder then grabbed his hand firmly and marched out if the nursery. He waddled frantically to keep up with her long stride. The rustling of his noisy diaper echoed in the vast hallways. Priscilla writhed against the soft, squishy mattress. The monstrosity of a diaper strapped to her crinkled and rustled with every little movement. How things had changed since Liliana waltzed into her room several weeks ago. The old hatred and rage were there, burning bright as ever. Her limbs flopped around as she flailed uselessly, struggling to go nowhere. She could not even roll over. One of her padded booties kicked into a hard metal bars that surrounded her. Prissy opened her mouth, screaming her displeasure and drooling down her chin, onto her bib. One padded, smitten covered hand bonked herself in the head, making her wail more in frustration. The door opened and a smiling face peered about her crib as a new home care worker bustled in. "Aww, sweetie. I heard you fussing on the monitor, yes I did." She cooed as if Priscilla was a baby, and not a disabled young woman with a functioning brain. How Prissy hated this bitch. She growled her displeasure at the demeaning coo. She’d been going through a string of caregivers. Most of them lasted a week or two before they refused her case, due to her habits of biting, spitting, and screaming. A couple of times she’d managed a few good hair pulls. Due to the traumatic injury of her brain, she couldn’t even speak coherently anymore. She had no way to communicate. Sure, therapists had tried multiple times to teach her some new ways, had brought in different devices for her to try. She couldn’t control her hands enough to work the buttons, so they’d given her a stick to hold in her mouth, to type out letter by letter. She wanted none of that; she wanted to talk normally, to be normal and healthy and whole once more. Nothing else would do. The caregiver lowered one protective side railing of her hospital bed. Instead of the professional white scrubs of a home caregiver, this lady dressed like a Mary Poppins knock off in her old fashioned nanny uniform. "What's wrong, princess? Did you make poppies?" She cooed and Prissy cringed on the inside, grunting on the outside as the nanny poked at at the humongous diaper bulge. Cases of those horrible, awful clown diapers Lili had put her in sat stacked in one corner of the room. Unlike her old briefs, these damn diapers kept her try and lasted for hours. She hated them, but the caregivers loved them. Prissy wanted her old life back. At least most of the home care workers were professional and courteous, still calling the clown diapers briefs and talking to her on an equal level. The day after Lily's visit and many spectacular tantrums by Prissy, several of the home care workers stopped coming. Lili filled in, which only prompted more screaming and biting from Priscilla. Substitute workers filled in, only to refuse her case the next day. This went on for a while, then *she* came. The bitch that took her case on full-time. Isabelle. Oh, how Prissy hated that whore and her Spanish soap operas. The woman was a former regression therapy nanny. Her training overlapped enough with home care that she could cross over the professions. But she didn’t act like any healthcare worker Prissy had met before. She acted more like a nanny, talking down to Prissy, cooing at her, treating her like a baby. Ignoring her most of the time to watch those stupid soap operas. Adult respect, body integrity, autonomy were all gone. Thrown away like a dirty diaper. Diaper, not brief. Bibs. She had spat at Isabelle on the first day. Isabelle merely wiped it off and left Prissy in a dirty diaper until she got a nasty rash. Prissy had shrieked and hollered until her throat was sore, but no one had paid attention due to all her previous tantrums. They wrote it off as just another screaming fit like all the rest had been. Grandma Jill hadn’t been in to visit her once. Grandpa Jack popped in once, stared at her as if he wasn’t sure who she was or what he was looking at, then just as quickly he was gone. Lili came round just to tease her, sometimes poke at her diaper, but her torment was toned down. That freaky bitch of a cousin rubbed salt into her wounds as she raided her closet, taking her clothes out and parading around in them like everyday was Halloween. Mocking Prissy, trying to prove she was better than her. Prissy was surprised Lili hadn’t tried out for the cheerleading team. The only constant visitor she had was her grandfather’s whore. Asha scared her even more than psychotic Lili did. The woman wore the latest fashions, bought for her no doubt by Jack. She glided around like a queen, like she belonged in Priscilla’s world. Like she was an equal to Jill. She didn’t talk down to Priscilla; she talked to her as if Prissy were any normal young woman with a functioning brain. Prissy appreciated that, but that whore still slept in her married grandfather’s bed. This was the woman who raised the abomination that was Liliana. Asha read classic poetry aloud to Prissy. Asha was kind and soft spoken, gentle and well bred in her mannerisms. But there was something lurking in her eyes that chilled Priscilla to the bone. A dark, cold monster lurked in there. During all that poetry and sweet talking, Prissy felt like Asha was studying her. Dissecting her, learning what made her tick. Asha’s words and voice were as gentle as a butterfly, but her eyes held the gaze of a hungry predator. Prissy shuddered just thinking of that dead gaze. She squealed when she felt a finger poking inside a leg gathering of her diaper. “Aww, you’re just a little damp. That big diapee can hold a lot more pee-pee. You’re just beng a fussy buttons, yes you are!” Isabelle cooed, patting Prissy’s diapered crotch. The plastic crinkled loudly under her touch. “Uh-oh, somebody’s making more tinkles right now!” The sugary sweet coos churned Prissy’s blood. Her growl died in her throat as she realized what Nanny Cuntcakes was saying. She was peeing herself, and she didn’t even realize it. Prissy’s eyes widened as inside she howled in helpless rage.
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