Diapers And Feet: When Fetishes Go Sour

[DailyDi]

<H1 class=title>Diapers and feet: when fetishes go sour </H1>Savage Love By Dan Savage Publish Date: December 20, 2007 I'm a 21-year-old female and I know the my-boyfriend-has-a-diaper-fetish thing has been done to death. But…

We've been together for two years. When he mustered up the courage to tell me about his fetish, I was supportive, even though it did seem odd. To be completely honest, he's so good-looking and such a wonderful guy that I was worried about losing him if I seemed less than ecstatic.

Flash forward a year and a half. We're very close, we're in a really good place, and we want to get married. However, his fetish has started to bother me. In the beginning, he wanted me to talk down to him, he'd come in his diaper, and we were done. We'd do that roughly once a week. Now it's all he ever wants to do, and "normal" sex is off the menu. And his fetish has progressed to these elaborate role-play scenarios complete with "sissy outfits". Sometimes it takes a whole day of role-playing to satisfy him, and he makes me feel guilty if I refuse.

I know he's attracted to me–my attractiveness is a significant part of the role-playing–but I feel like he's being selfish. I also don't want him to do what I want just for the sake of doing what I want. I'm getting sick of this inner dialogue. What do you think? And please don't pass me up because you've answered infantilism questions in the past.

> Sick of Diapered Sissy

You're right, SODS–we have done the boyfriend-has-a-diaper-fetish thing to death. In fact, I responded to a woman who signed herself Beyond Annoyed in February; she was married to a diaper-loving adult baby who was neglecting her desire for vanilla sex. Now, normally I wouldn't run a letter from a reader with an identical problem, SODS, but I'm going to make an exception in your case. No need to thank me.

Thank O.J. Wandrisco.

Wandrisco is the director of a Christian youth group in Mt. Lebanon, Pennsylvania, and to "break the ice" at a recent meeting, Mr. Wandrisco sent three teenage boys–14-year-old boys–into a restroom with an older teenager. The boys were given "adult diapers, bibs, and bonnets and directed to take their clothes off and put the diapers, bibs, and bonnets on," the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported. "The boys returned to the group, where they were asked to sit in the laps of three girls. The girls spoon-fed baby food to the boys and then gave them baby bottles filled with soda pop. The first boy to finish was the winner."

Putting horny 14-year-old boys in diapers and plopping them on the laps of teenage girls for a little spoon- and bottle-feeding–thus are lifelong fetishes born. Not that I have anything against fetishes, lifelong or temporary, or the kind of formative life experiences that create 'em. I live in the house that fetishes bought, after all. But can you imagine the uproar from Christian groups if a gay youth group employed similar ice-breaking techniques?

A spokesman for the Christian youth group told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that they've been doing this "skit" for years; they also do a "skit" where girls eat chocolate pudding out of adult diapers. The spokesman also insisted that the boys from Mt. Lebanon "had fun" in those diapers. I'll bet they did–and odds are good that they're going to be having fun in diapers for the rest of their lives.

Okay, SODS, here's the advice I offered Beyond Annoyed: "Cut the brat off; no more baby games until he can successfully wrap his bonnet around this: your pleasure matters as much as his does. He may not be interested in regular sex, but he needs to learn to fake it convincingly. And finally, BA, tell him that his continued failure to meet your vanilla needs is gonna get his diapered ass [dumped], leaving him single and shit out of luck, sex-partnerwise, for the rest of his adult infancy."

I frequently caution vanilla types not to leave folks on account of their kinks. "Dump the honest foot fetishist," goes the Karmic Rule of Kink (KROK), "and you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." So good on you, SODS, for the way you handled your boyfriend's revelation. But KROK applies to kinksters too: a lucky kinkster with an indulgent vanilla partner who fails to joyfully accommodate his partner's desire for "normal" sex is gonna get his ass dumped, and then he's never gonna get his kinky rocks off again without having to pay a pro $500 an hour to put up with his bullshit.

Of course, your boyfriend may not believe that he's neglecting your needs. Concerned about seeming "less than ecstatic" when he broke the news, since he's so good lookingyou were afraid of losing him, your feigned enthusiasm may have led him to believe that you find his kink just as exciting as he does. If that's the case, you're going to have to take it back without making him feel violated. So when you cut him off, SODS, tell him that neither of you will be enjoying his kinks until vanilla sex is back on the menu.

[Eric D]

thanks for sharing...

well the advise given to "SODS" is not a bad one imho... albeit I might have added that should first find a quiet moment and have a honest-down-to-earth chat with her guy telling him what is bothering her and see where this leads to.

I mean we all have our desires in a relationship should try not only to satisfy our own desires but also try to do the same for the partner as long as it's "ok" with you.

the part about the christian youth group though - VERY DISTURBING imho.

damn I'm into diapers, yes, but to "force" such games upon others, especially teens, sounds frankly speaking like a very fucked up thing to do.

I as a kid (not that I ever would have gone into a christian youth group) would never have played along, even though I did like diapers... but I would have hated the baby play. it doesn't matter, but for me something like that is quite beyond "crossing the line", such a camp should be closed or at least have it's staff guys replaced and monitored for a good while. Eating choclat fudge out of an adult diaper??? how sick is that ... sorry, I would find this VERY disgusting.

youth camps, whilst some are really ok, there are just so many bad news about these that if I ever get kids I doubt if I ever would send my kids off to one of those.

I rember being around 5 turning 6 soon when my parents decided to send me off to a pre-school camp thing... well I am sure that my diaper fetish had PARTS of it's root there... as every child below the age of 6 was REQUIRED to wear diapers at night, no matter if you had been dry and potty trained or not.

I didn't really resist... I actually come to like the feeling of it... I never spoke about it though ... but it is a lasting "impression".

[Baby D]

You have to take into consideration that most people know nothing of our lifestyle or this fetish. How can you expect a youth group leader to know about it? I would have felt very awkward and out of place... but that's only becuase I'm into this sort of thing. To someone else, it is just a game, a joke, a laugh. Actually, how different is the game they played, from playing house as kids growing up? Those boys weren't "forced" to do anything they didn't want to do. As far as the fudge in the diapers, again it is just a game and means nothing to anyone not knowledgeable of our lifestyle. Actually a lot of baby showers have games that do similar things. Buy anyways, that's just what I think.

[diapermommie]

i don't think it's bad advice either. I do think she shoulda been more honest with him in the beginning, and her focus on how attractive they both are was a bit odd. I can relate tho not in the same way. We both participate in the abdl fetish to somewhat differing degrees, I'd never change it for the world and I don't want to stop any part of it. I could write paragraphs just on why I like it so much. But occassionally i find myself wondering if my boyfriend is attracted to me or just thinks about diapers so much and I happen to fall into to picture now.I mean I don't think he's not attracted to me, I dunno how to explain it lol. We were together a while before the fetish made an appearance and things were great then too I just had a much higher sex drive than him which then left me feeling not good enough. Now sex is there whenever I can take it except it has more to do with diapers than me. I dunno this prolly makes no sense. I'm not complaining by any means. I guess it's like the one quote that says the desire of man is the woman and the desire of the woman is the desire of the man. Except in this case his sex drive has nothing to do with me Anyhow like I said I wouldn't change anything about our sex life or our relationship in general cuz it's wonderful and I love him more than anything, for more reasons than I could ever put in writing. I just think about things too much, it's a girl thing!

[Creepymouse]

Actually, that sounds a bit like my wife. She's got a drive to beat the band, I made her come for a straight hour once, and she was back for more a bit later. I would love to keep up with that, but the body just won't handle it! I usually end up taking a lot more time to please her than myself, which seems to be a good deal. She likes diapers, but she really only wants to wear them when she's playing, she's much more of a DL than I.

But yes. If the original guy wants his baby time, he'd better find ways to please her as well. What I wonder is how she would react to being the Top in a game of 'I'm in charge, come over here and do me.' Would it really be so bad to include his fetish in their vanilla sex? Most everyone likes something on their ice cream...

[Dill_Pickle]

<H1 class=title>Diapers and feet: when fetishes go sour </H1>Savage Love By Dan Savage Publish Date: December 20, 2007 I'm a 21-year-old female and I know the my-boyfriend-has-a-diaper-fetish thing has been done to death. But…

Daily Di,

I can't figure out when you are talking and when you are quoting....however, I really think that these "first experiences" with diapers were more like straws that broke the camel's back than the entire loads of straw in the first place....

Not that I think that one partner in a relationship neglecting the other partner's needs will ever work for the long run...

And I will admit that in my current relationship, doing sex stuff with myself (generally diapers) has been a very useful tool for dealing with the difference in sex drives between us.

Dill Pickle