Why The Trouble Introducing It Into The Relationship?

[Mostest Anonomi]

Okay, I wrote a whole bunch of stuff in my other posts but I think I discovered what my real question is:

Why are people having so much trouble getting a SO into the diaper fetish???

For people having trouble, please tell me how you've gone about getting a partner into your diaper fetish. Are you straightforward about it; do you leave little hints; do you test the waters to see how 'curious' they are about fetishes; do you try to mix it in with other fetishes; do you keep your mouth shut entirely?

I'm very curious. Please let me know exactly what your experiences are and exactly what you said or did that worked or didn't work.

[pctrasher]

The way I introduced it was online since I feel more comfortable talking about private issues online than in person since there's no face to face contact and I don't have to worry about voice pitch or 'how' I say it.

I started it with a guessing game saying that I basically have a fetish (assuming they know what a fetish is...some ppl don't even know what a fetish is, in my case, she didn't). And in the guessing game I gave hints as to what it was. Eg: "It's over an item" "It's white and crinkles" "It starts with a 'D'".

After she got it, I was hesitent to agree with her answer and said 'maybe' in which case most of my 'maybe's are a positive embarassed 'YES'. So then she paused to accept it, and said that she had questions about it and that she didn't get it.

Then I covered another very important topic: That it had nothing to do with children and it's strictly just about me wearing diapers or finding it hot seeing other ADULT women in diapers.

Then I said that acceptance over this is very important to me and that she doesn't have to participate or do anything doesn't want to do involving it...but that didn't prevent me from trying to coax her into it, which actually resulted in her trying it and being ok with it, she likes the Ab side more than the dl side though. Now she's just working on accepting and getting used to it so she doesn't think it's wierd anymore.

And it all started with me sending her an IM saying "Wanna play a guessing game?" and it rolls step after step after that. Virtually no effort is required.

[tris]

For everyone it's different. I've been in the process of writing a 'how-to' guide on coming-out to friends, family and SOs, but the roadblock has basically been due to the interpersonal dynamics. There's no 'right' way to tell someone, because nearly every scenario is different. The existing relationship between two people can be any number of things, measured in widgets we can't accurately gauge, so it's really unpredictable territory.

I'd love nothing more than to show other AB/DLs how to live like I do, but, in reality, it's just a nearly impossible task because of our uniquities.

[diapermommie]

There is no right way. People have trouble because if it doesn't work out, that person can tell whoever they want about all your secrets. Some secrets you don't want sneaking out. Not to mention the relationship might be going along nicely, why risk something that's pretty good? Personally I think it's worth the risk but I understand the logic.

What works depends far too much on the dynamics of a relationship, how long it's been established, how much you can really trust the person. With us we joked around about it for about a year. Once we figured it out, we laughed about how many signs there were we never dared to ask the other about. What blew it up and into the open was me having a dream about powdering his butt. I laughed and told him about it, it turned him on and I noticed. I bought some baby powder to see his reaction, he told me about his diaper lovin self and 2 days later we were lounging in diapers with paci's together and I was happily cleaning his messy butt.

So we stumbled into it but there was alot of joking and feeling around about it before, and he had a pretty good idea that I'd be ok with it even if he wasn't sure I'd participate. Not sure either of us expected to jump right into poo cleaning so fast, but once it was on the table, we were off and running and it opened alot of new doors for us to explore.

I don't think it coulda happened in a better way for us. But that's us.

[just_here]

I too have noticed that people are really hesitant to tell their SO's and well, thats probably due to the stigma that liking diapers has. For people unfamiliar with the lifestyle (like I was once upon a time) its a big thing to grasp what exactly that person sees in a diaper and the implications it has on a relationship. I mean...its a different dynamic having a relationship that has AB in it. But if the person loves you and has an open mind its all about just putting on your big boy/girl pants (only for a lil while) and just saying it. I know it must be totally scary. This is something that is deeply personal for some people. Other people might see it as a character flaw, and for others it is a way to find comfort. Either way, speak about it only when you're comfortable. But its always a good thing in a relationship to be open and honest...sets a good precedent. Thats just my 2 cents...

[Mworth]

I know I am rather lucky, I am engaged to a girl who is not only understanding and accepting but is happy to fulfill my fantasies. I remember clearly sharing my thoughts with her and feeling my voice get weaker and the fear rise up inside, it was so painful to take such a risk - I was crazy about her and we had been going out only 2 months, why would I want to destroy a relationship that had beeen so good with my silly desires? It only took a few seconds but it was the longest moment of my life.

To my eternal relief and gratefullness she didn't slap me and call me a sicko but instead asked if I would like to play baby with her some time. The next day while she was at work I ran out to the local pharmacy and bought some depends. It wasn't easy but the reward was worth it.

She has tried them a few times, though more for practicality than anything else. And even though she won't use them for their inteded purpose, yet, seeing her bum in a nappy is scrummy.

Its pretty clear that there are not many females who actively engage in age play and easily 90% of this community is male. You are not likely to find a partner by chance who is already into it and even if you can not everyone else could. The only way we can all be happily diapered is if we find partners who have their own tastes and twists, who love you for who you are and will share in your fantasies as willingly as you will share in theirs.

I think that if you share your own story openly and honestly, let them play a part in one of your fantasies, even if it is just being changed and cuddled that eventually they may become a bit curious and try them, but getting some one else to wet is not going to be easy and you should be happy if they are happy with what you do

[lynniehyde]

"But its always a good thing in a relationship to be open and honest..."

Absolutely! Besides, the opening up gives your partner the opportunity to open up as well. Thereby creating a world of trust between the two of you. It can be a beautiful thing. And, may lead to a lifetime of happiness.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[boy ricky]

Okay, I wrote a whole bunch of stuff in my other posts but I think I discovered what my real question is:

Why are people having so much trouble getting a SO into the diaper fetish???

For people having trouble, please tell me how you've gone about getting a partner into your diaper fetish. Are you straightforward about it; do you leave little hints; do you test the waters to see how 'curious' they are about fetishes; do you try to mix it in with other fetishes; do you keep your mouth shut entirely?

I'm very curious. Please let me know exactly what your experiences are and exactly what you said or did that worked or didn't work.

Good questions. In my work i deal with people that are coming out or in the fetish community. I often speak at conventions on relationships and fetishes.

The absolute best time to discuss your fetishes or desires and needs is when you start seeing each other. The longer one puts it off the harder it becomes. The other person then thinks you have been hiding stuff or worse lying to them. They jump to "your not the person i met."

If you get to that then you're in trouble and it takes a lot to get by it. This is especially difficult for people that are AB's. Adult Babies have a tougher time of it because generally it is a emotional and mental state they need or desire. This desire is going to come as a shock to a significant other.

Depending on the need to act out or be an AB, one can be under a great deal of stress if those needs and or wants are not being met. In the end it has little to do with the Fetish or infantilism. It has more to do with who we are. All relationships exist to support something in each other. If there is not enough support then the relationship is failing. It may continue but at significant strain on ones mental health. The "other" person(s) can't help you if they don't know you are missing something.

The BIG secret becomes a barrier to good mental health, the longer it is a secret the bigger it gets. Many people have shown they can "deal" with keeping it a secret but at a cost with varying degrees of depressed mental states.

There are ways to deal with it. Meet others secretly and play away. This option can be good for some, there is of course the ability to do this time wise, (you dont have to explain your absences) and you wont be found out. Another is to do it on your own when you have the opportunity. That can be difficult but not impossible. The next option is to open up the fetish stuff with your partner and tell them everything or slowly introduce it.

You can slowly introduce it by talking about spicing things up, if you're into watersports already, then diapers could be introduced as a fun quirk. If you want to play D/s stuff then it could begin as a humiliation thing. you pretend to be humiliated and that over time it could become more.

In the end it becomes "what's important for me too be happy?" If you can live without the AB stuff happening between the two or more of you, thats okay. If you want or need to involve them, then begin planning how you will do it.

Good luck!

boy ricky

http://daddy-boyricky.blogspot.com/

[Spone]

I've had two girlfriends who diapered me in the past. It's not something I would throw out on the first date. I think you need the feel your significant other out and when you guys are talking about kinky stuff that turns you on then you might as well let them know what's up. Basically, try to get with someone who's gonna be open-minded, not someone who has a stick up their ass.