The Happy Rainbow Nursery

[SpiderBaby]

46 minutes ago, Spatula Raccoon said:

I have no idea what that means......

But that HUGE wall of text is just unreadable!!!!

But if you started a new paragraph every time someone speaks it's an easy thing to remember AND it makes the story a hell of a lot easier to read. 

LIKE THIS FOR EXAMPLE

"Honey, it's not that bad..." Margot turned to her mother, her eyes full of frustration.

"Mom, it's diapers again! I'm a teenager! This is punishment for fighting at school, isn't it?" Lizzy, sensing the tension, interjected,

"It's not like that, Margot. Listen..." Madeline took a deep breath, trying to remain calm.

"No, honey, this is not a punishment. I've looked at every possible option, but there was no other solution. I swear." Margot crossed her arms, looking at the floor.

"But why diapers? Couldn't it be a normal room with normal children?" Madeline stepped forward, trying to sound reassuring.

"I've done everything I could to avoid this, my love. But this daycare is the only option available. Still, I've been told that if there's an opening in the potty training room, you can transfer and forget about diapers. I promise." Margot was silent, but her thoughts were racing.

"It doesn't sound 100% bad... but it's still really bad." She continued to pace, as if moving around would help her gather her thoughts. Finally, she stopped and looked at Madeline.

"But, Mom... will I still have to wear diapers? Pee and... poop in them?" Madeline took a deep breath.

"Yes, you'll have to act like a child in this room. I know it sounds terrible, but I'll be with you every step of the way. And it's only for a little while, I promise." The thought of wearing a messy diaper made Margot feel horrible. She was a teenager, not a baby. But the calmness in Madeline's voice, while not erasing her frustration, made Margot hesitate. Madeline tried to lighten the situation.

"Let's give it a try, honey. If it doesn't work, we can try something else. But if you go to daycare, it will give me the freedom to move things along with the principal. I promise I will do everything I can to get you back to school as soon as possible ETC ETC ETC

Hi Ashy! Glad to have you back. Missed you a lot. Big hugs!🤗♥️

[Dirty Boy]

Guys, it's normal that he doesn't write perfectly, English is not his native language. As it is not for me, by the way.

[parkintochter]

21 minutes ago, Dirty Boy said:

Guys, it's normal that he doesn't write perfectly, English is not his native language. As it is not for me, by the way.

Racoon's tone was maybe a bit harsh, but he also gave him an advise to improve his writing.

[Babypants]

29 minutes ago, Dirty Boy said:

Guys, it's normal that he doesn't write perfectly, English is not his native language. As it is not for me, by the way.

You're missing the point.  This is about the basic architecture of a fictional story.  The rules don't vary from one language to the next.  

[lolabunny]

On 1/19/2025 at 1:42 PM, Spatula Raccoon said:

But that HUGE wall of text is just unreadable!!!!

But if you started a new paragraph every time someone speaks it's an easy thing to remember AND it makes the story a hell of a lot easier to read. 

LIKE THIS FOR EXAMPLE

Hi, I understand that, but I don't know if it looks good that way, I think the reader gets lost that easily.

Em 19/01/2025 às 14h14, littlebopeeper disse:

Sinto muito, mas do jeito que está, essa história é basicamente incompreensível. Spatula Raccoon acertou no maior problema, que é a completa falta de estrutura da história. Toda vez que você muda a perspectiva de um personagem para outro, você tem que começar um novo parágrafo. Isso é mais óbvio quando os personagens estão falando, mas também é o caso quando eles estão pensando.

 

I understand what you said about the lack of structure in the story. Every time you change the perspective from one character to another” but I think it's more appropriate to keep the same part of the conversation in the same paragraph.

 

[lolabunny]

I want to thank you for interacting and talking about points for improvement in writing and especially babysophia for giving me feedback and suggestions, keep commenting

Chapter 05 - Shopping

Margot was still uneasy. The idea of wearing diapers and acting like a three-year-old was humiliating. Going upstairs to get changed felt like the first step toward a reality she didn’t want to accept. Still, there was a small part of her that saw this break from school as a break. 

‘Maybe it won’t be so bad to be away from all the mean stares and drama at school… but something about going to daycare feels wrong!’

*******

Downstairs, Madeline sighed, trying to relax.“It wasn’t that bad,” she said, more to herself than to Lizzy.

Lizzy, leaning back on the couch, gave a small smile. “Yeah, but I don’t know how much she’ll cooperate with us yet.”

Madeline was still visibly tense, her gaze lost in thought. Lizzy noticed and leaned forward. "What's got you so worried? Is it about the daycare? Or the Blue-Ocean case?" 

Madeline looked at Lizzy, her eyes narrowed. "My problem now is you. You're hiding something." 

Lizzy gasped, surprised. "Sis, me? I'm not hiding anything." 

Madeline crossed her arms. "You're not fooling me. Maybe we'll talk about this later." 

Before Lizzy could protest, Margot came down the stairs. She was wearing a pair of pink Converse, white socks with rabbits that went up to her knees, a black pleated skirt and a pink sweatshirt. Despite the discomfort she felt, the casual and comfortable outfit made her feel a little more in control.

Soon, they left for the mall. The drive was quick, but filled with tense silence. Madeline, trying to lighten the mood, said, "If you cooperate with us, you can get an ice cream and pick out something for yourself."

Margot nodded, but not very enthusiastically as she stayed silent.

When they arrived, Madeline tried to prepare her for what was to come. She looked at her and said, "The daycare has a small list of school supplies. We need to buy diapers, a bib, wipes, powder, a changing pad, and a few changes ofclothes."

Margot shivered at the list. "Mommy, can I go buy a book at the bookstore nearby while you buy these things?" Madeline looked at her and nodded. "Yes, but I need you to be here when we go shopping for clothes."

Margot wrinkled her nose. "What's wrong with my clothes?"

"It's not that they're wrong, honey," Madeline explained. "But they need to be more childish. Something like clothes for a typical three or four year old would wear."

Margot rolled her eyes and left without saying anything else, preferring to avoid another argument. Madeline, accompanied by Lizzy, entered the pharmacy. When she came across the colorful shelves of diapers and other baby items, she felt a tightness in her chest. It had been years since she had bought such childish things, and the act made her question everything they were doing.

She picked up a pack of Frozen diapers. The packaging showed Anna and Elsa smiling with snow in the background, while the diapers had drawings of the characters and snowflakes scattered around. Next to it was another pack of Bluey diapers, with the adorable blue dog and her family cheerfully printed in vibrant colors. Madeline added to the basket pastel-colored wet wipes with bears and rainbows, a pink bib with delicate flower embroidery, and a light blue pacifier with a clip decorated with small gold stars. As she placed the items in the basket, her soul felt heavy. Purchasing these items brought back old memories and presented her with difficult decisions that she wasn’t sure were the best ones.

“I really hope this works out,” she muttered to herself as she walked toward the checkout.

Margot strolled through the bookstore, trying to take her mind off the humiliating situation she was about to face. She picked up a copy of Fahrenheit 451. She wasn’t a voracious reader, but stories about resistance and change had always intrigued her. As she walked toward the checkout, a familiar voice startled her.

“Hey, Margot!”

She turned quickly and saw a girl from her school. She was a student who had often been isolated, one of many who had suffered from the constant bullying Margot had faced over the past week.

“I know you’re fighting for us,” the girl said with a shy smile. “That punch you gave that girl… she deserved it.”

Margot was momentarily speechless, her face flushing. She hadn’t expected anyone, especially from her school, to say something like that.

“Everyone at school is saying it was a brave act. Those of us who are bullied are banding together, creating a blog to expose everything. We’re rooting for you to come back soon.”

Margot felt a wave of surprise and relief. It was unexpected, but somehow it lessened the weight of the whole situation. Even though she was on her way to daycare, diapers and all, it felt like her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. She was doing the right thing, giving her mother time to sort things out.

Madeline watched Margot approach, a slight smile on her face. It was a good sign. Lizzy looked uneasy, though, and Madeline couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this about Blue-Ocean? Or is it about daycare? Lizzy, what are you up to?’ But she decided to put those thoughts aside for now. 

They made their way into the large, well-lit department store. They went straight to the children’s section. After a few minutes, they had picked out four solid-colored leggings—lilac, pink, light blue, and gray—as well as two soft sweatpants, one in a pastel green and the other in baby pink. They also picked out several shirts with Disney characters on them, like Elsa and Anna, Simba and Nala, and one with a teddy bear pattern. To top it off, they picked out a pair of white Velcro sneakers with little rainbow designs on the sides and a shiny silver toe. 

Margot accepted the clothes well, even though they were childish. At least they weren't as over the top as she had feared. 

As she looked at the clothes, Madeline made a request that made Margot freeze for a moment: "Margot, I have a request. Let's try on the clothes before we buy them... and the diapers too, to see if they fit.”

Margot felt her face heat up. Wearing a diaper in public?! It was too embarrassing. But at the same time, she knew she had no other choice. There was no way out. At daycare, she would have to wear them anyway. Taking a deep breath, Margot nodded. "Okay, Mom." 

They walked to the changing room. It was a larger space, with a baby changing table set up in the back. Margot climbed onto the changing table, trying not to think too much about the situation. Madeline picked up the package of Frozen diapers. Each diaper had the characters Anna and Elsa printed on a blue background with glittery snowflakes, and a small elastic band on the sides that made it clear how childish they were. 

"Honey, if you want, you can look up at the ceiling," Madeline said gently. "Mommy will try to be quick." 

Margot, flushed with embarrassment, turned her face away and fixed her eyes on the ceiling. Madeline carefully unzipped the diaper, feeling a mix of emotions. It had been years since she’d done anything like this, and the idea of putting a teenager back into diapers seemed absurd. But it was necessary, and she had to be practical.

“There you go, honey. This will be quick.”

Madeline slid the diaper under Margot and adjusted the side tabs, making sure it was snug and secure. The sound of the Velcro seemed to echo in the awkward silence of the dressing room. When she was done, she took a small step back, looking at her daughter lying on the changing table, now wearing the Frozen diaper. Madeline’s heart sank, but at the same time, there was something oddly cute about the scene.

“There you go,” she said, helping Margot down from the changing table.

Margot looked down and noticed the different feeling between her legs. It was a soft, cushiony texture, but completely foreign. Her mother picked up a pair of the lilac leggings and put them on her daughter. When Margot stood up, Madeline turned her around to check how everything fit.

In the mirror, Margot saw that the diaper was showing through the leggings. A small part even showed in the back, but she knew three-year-olds didn't worry about that.

Madeline, with a sinking heart, asked, "Do you want to take them off now? We've seen that they fit."

Margot, to her mother's surprise, shook her head. "Mom, can I keep them? I want to practice a little... and maybe wear one of the shirts we picked out."

Madeline was surprised by Margot's surprisingly changed attitude attitude, but nodded, picking up a Frozen shirt and helping her daughter put it on. When Margot looked at herself in the mirror, she saw that she really did look like a three-year-old.

She took a deep breath and, for the first time, accepted it wholeheartedly. It wasn't about appearing childish.

[Dirty Boy]

Who knows what Lizzy is hiding, maybe she wants to use Margot as bait? Will nursery be a cover for criminals?

[BabySofia]

15 minutes ago, lolabunny said:

attitude attitude

Double word from the edit here.

 

Much improved chapter, looking forward to more! 🙂

[lolabunny]

3 hours ago, Dirty Boy said:

Who knows what Lizzy is hiding, maybe she wants to use Margot as bait? Will nursery be a cover for criminals?

my suspense is working

[littlebopeeper]

3 hours ago, lolabunny said:

Margot shivered at the list. "Mommy, can I go buy a book at the bookstore nearby while you buy these things?" Madeline looked at her and nodded. "Yes, but I need you to be here when we go shopping for clothes."

This should be in 2 paragraphs, Margot gets the first, and Madeline the second.  You also need to find a better way to show when a character is engaged in thought.  But overall, this text is a lot easier to follow.  Just keep plugging away.

[lolabunny]

1 hour ago, littlebopeeper said:

This should be in 2 paragraphs, Margot gets the first, and Madeline the second.  You also need to find a better way to show when a character is engaged in thought.  But overall, this text is a lot easier to follow.  Just keep plugging away.

I have two options in mind: use bold or italics

[BabySofia]

Just now, lolabunny said:

use bold or italics

Italics is the better answer; bold looks like you're screaming at the reader.

[littlebopeeper]

3 hours ago, BabySofia said:

Italics is the better answer; bold looks like you're screaming at the reader.

I agree with Sofia.  Go with italics.  Be careful not to put thought in quotation marks.

There are several professional writers on this site, Baby Sofia being one of them.  As the old saying goes, "take it from the pros ..."

[lolabunny]

12 hours ago, littlebopeeper said:

There are several professional writers on this site, Baby Sofia being one of them.  As the old saying goes, "take it from the pros ..."

I'm glad she helped me and that you're all commenting

[lolabunny]

Our story develops even more, I hope it's good, so tell me what you think of the story.

Chapter 06: reveletion

Margot walked out of the locker room next to Madeline, the diaper under her tight leggings causing a slight feeling of discomfort and strangeness, but she knew she would have to get used to it. With each step, the soft noise of the plastic material seemed to echo louder in her ears than it actually was, and it made her waddle a little as she walked. She could hear some voices as they passed other people in the mall. Phrases like "What a cute kid!" reached her ears, making her face blush intensely. Despite this, Margot tried hard not to react.They headed towards the food court. Madeline went to get milkshakes, while Lizzy stayed next to her niece. Sitting at the table, Lizzy watched Margot with a proud smile.

"You know, Margot, I'm so proud of you. You're very strong. Can I make you a request?"

Margot, surprised by the compliment, blinked a few times before answering:

"A request? Of course!"

"Pick something you want."

Margot's face lit up at the suggestion. She loved her aunt and knew she could ask for something special.

"How about cannolis?" Margot said with a small smile. "

Lizzy laughed and selected”

"Good choice. Cannolis it is!"

When Madeline returned with the milkshakes, Lizzy got up to get the candy. Madeline sat down next to her daughter and watched her sip her strawberry milkshake.

“Margot, we have a daycare visit tomorrow. I know it might be uncomfortable, so if you don’t want to go, that’s okay.”

Margot nodded decisively.

“I want to go, Mom. I’m going to be there for a while, so it’s best to get to know the place first.”

Madeline was surprised by her daughter’s maturity and, at the same time, proud.

“Okay… but you’ll have to wear a diaper to go there.”

Margot hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“I know, Mom. It can’t be helped.”

Madeline was impressed by her daughter’s attitude, but before she could say anything else, Margot, still visibly embarrassed, murmured:

“Mom… I know you bought a pacifier.” I think it would be good to try it now, since I'll probably have to use it at daycare.

Madeline was silent for a second, surprised by the suggestion. Without saying anything, she picked up the pacifier and clip. Margot put it in her mouth and clipped the accessory to her clothes. To her surprise, the pacifier actually felt comforting, helping to ease her anxiety.After a few more laps around the mall, they decided to go home. When they got there, they put away their groceries and Margot, relieved, took off her diaper and clothes to relax. Before going to bed, she placed the pacifier on the side of her bed, as a reminder of what was to come.

Later that night, Lizzy arrived with two boxes of cannolis. As she went upstairs to take the sweets to her niece, Madeline called out to her:

"Lizzy, we need to talk."

Lizzy hesitated for a moment, looking at the boxes in her hands.

"I'll take the cannolis to Margot, and we'll talk later." A little later, the two sat in the kitchen with cups of coffee and a few remaining cannolis on the table. Madeline's gaze was serious.

"What's going on, Lizzy? You've been acting weird all day."

Lizzy sighed deeply.

"Sister..."

"Don't say it's an FBI secret, because I'm also FBI," Madeline interrupted, crossing her arms.

Lizzy took another deep breath, realizing she couldn't escape.

"Okay. Right now, we have a pretty big lead on Blue-Ocean and its connection to child abductions."

Madeline leaned forward, her eyes fixed on her sister.

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"Most of the children who disappear go to two specific daycares..." Lizzy began.

Madeline interrupted her, her voice full of tension:

"Happy Rainbow."

Lizzy nodded.

"Exactly." Madeline crossed her arms, feeling her anger bubbling up.

“And why didn’t you tell me before? My daughter is going there!”

Lizzy tried to argue, but her voice faltered for a moment.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t want to involve you. It’s a good opportunity for us to get an idea of what’s going on in there, but…”

“So you want to put my daughter at risk?” Madeline’s voice grew louder, with a mixture of indignation and concern.

Lizzy didn’t answer. She knew that any justification would sound insensitive.

Madeline took a deep breath, trying to control her anger.

“I want time to think about it.”

Without waiting for an answer, Madeline got up and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. But, as she stirred the pan, her thoughts wouldn’t leave her alone. The idea of exposing Margot to any kind of danger was unbearable, but she knew that maybe it was the only way to understand what was happening to those children.

[Dirty Boy]

Lizzy loves her granddaughter so much that she sends child kidnappers to the nursery 😅

[lolabunny]

15 minutes ago, Dirty Boy said:

izzy loves her granddaughter so much that she sends child kidnappers to the nursery 😅

Every trio of brothers has a crazy one and Lizzy is that one

[BabySofia]

3 hours ago, lolabunny said:

” I think it would be good to try it now, since I'll probably have to use it at daycare.

 

I would make your quotations on the outside of this, you could also add a description of an action in between possibly. 

3 hours ago, lolabunny said:

Later that night, Lizzy arrived with two boxes of cannolis. As she went upstairs to take the sweets to her niece, Madeline called out to her:

Put some sort of indication this is a new scene. Either an extra return carriage, ****************, or something to help the reader out. It was kind of jarring here. 

Good to see another chapter.

[littlebopeeper]

12 hours ago, BabySofia said:

Put some sort of indication this is a new scene. Either an extra return carriage, ****************, or something to help the reader out. It was kind of jarring here. 

I agree with Baby Sofia here.  And there are several places where the quotation marks are either missing or wrongly inserted.  Careful proofreading should catch this.

As for the basic premise of the story that has been revealed here, it's hard to see how a daycare could be tied to the loss of even one child and stay in business.  So, not sure that this will work, but we shall see how it goes.

[mushy bottom]

This is not the first story to send a teenager back to daycare, and like parkintochter, I'm having trouble with it.  There's simply no way that an adolescent could pull this off, so I'm hoping for the story's sake that this stunt blows up in their faces.

 

 

 

[lolabunny]

Guys, I'm very grateful that you were commenting on the story. I'm learning a lot from you. Read my other stories. My writing is evolving.

Chapter: more talk

Madeline was in the kitchen, the smell of steak frying filling the air, but her mind was elsewhere. The idea that Lizzy had presented about Margot infiltrating the daycare center kept hammering at her head. The dilemma consumed her, and feeling unable to make a decision on her own, she picked up the phone and called the one person she had always trusted in difficult times: her mother, Lilian, a fierce former prosecutor from New York.

Lilian, who was enjoying a vacation in Italy with her husband, Khan, answered the phone with an excited voice:

“Buongiorno!”

Madeline sighed.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it there, Mom.”

“It’s been wonderful, daughter. Resting is something you do very well. But you don’t call me during the holidays if you don’t have something on your mind. What happened?”

Madeline hesitated for a moment before answering.

“ I'll tell you everything…”

She began to tell the story of the daycare, Lizzy's revelation about the Blue Ocean and Margot's plan to infiltrate as part of the investigation. On the other end of the line, Lilian listened attentively, but when Madeline finished speaking, her mother spoke directly:

“ First of all, I want to kick that daycare director's ass.”

Madeline smiled slightly. She knew her mother had a fiery temper when it came to protecting her family.

“ How sad for my granddaughter... having to go to a daycare. I wish I was there to take care of her! “

“ I know, Mom. “ Madeline sighed. “ But what do you think of this Blue-Ocean story and what Lizzy suggested? ”

There was a brief silence before Lilian answered:

“ Daughter, this is all very strange. But in truth, it is an opportunity. But you can't, under any circumstances, put your daughter in danger.”

Madeline knew her mother was right. Lilian had always been a sensible woman, even if she had a hot temper. They continued talking about life, family, and how Margot was dealing with all the recent changes. Lilian gave advice on how to stay calm and promised that she would be by Madeline's side in any decision she made.

After hanging up, Madeline felt more grounded. She needed more answers. It was time to confront Lizzy again.

As she flipped the steaks in the pan, Madeline shouted:

"Lizzy, come here!"

Lizzy appeared in the kitchen, attracted by the delicious aroma of the frying meat.

"What is it, sister?"

Madeline crossed her arms, staring at her sister.

"First, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Lizzy looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

"Because I didn't want to worry you."

"And you thought leaving me in the dark would make me less worried?"

Lizzy lowered her head, silent. The sound of the oil sizzling in the pan filled the kitchen until Madeline broke the silence again:

"Tell me more about this new lead you have."

Lizzy took a deep breath, as if preparing for a confession.

"Right. We already had some suspicions about how the kidnappings were happening. It wasn't something random. The children were handpicked, and that caught our attention.

“How did you get to Happy Rainbow?” Madeline asked, without taking her eyes off her sister.

Lizzy fixed her hair before continuing:

" We discovered that these children studied in several different schools and daycares, but more than one child never disappeared from the same place. It seemed planned, controlled. When we investigated further, we realized that many of these daycares were run by a single company: Zimer Inc.

Madeline frowned.

"And you went after that company?

Lizzy shook her head.

"We haven’t found it yet. The information we have about them is very superficial.

Madeline let out a frustrated sigh.

"And that’s why you want to use my daughter as bait?

"That’s not exactly it, Madeline. " Lizzy tried to justify herself. " But we need someone on the inside. If something happens or some suspicious conversation emerges, Margot could pick it up. We’ll put a bug on her. It won’t be a problem, I promise.

Madeline was silent for a few seconds, thinking about what her sister had said. She knew it was a logical plan, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was putting Margot in a potentially dangerous situation, even if it was just a wiretap. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “Okay. Let’s try that. But I want Margot to be completely protected.” 

Lizzy nodded, relieved. Madeline went back to frying the steaks, but her mind was still racing. She knew the decision she had made was risky, but it might be the only way to find out the truth behind Blue-Ocean and protect other children from the same fate.

[lolabunny]

Hi guys, I wanted to talk about a rant about a profile of a friend of mine. I help post stories. We were posting these stories on Wattpad and it didn't take 3 or 4 hours for them to be deleted. I don't know if there are complaints or what's going on. the profile in question is abdl_barbie and it belongs to a friend of mine, I help her What is your opinion on this topic?

[BabySofia]

3 hours ago, lolabunny said:

 What is your opinion on this topic?

WattPad is a private company who can host the content they want to. It's within their terms of service. I chose to pull the rest of my works when a couple were deleted without warning. 

To be fair right now they're watching the winds blow and with some of the current laws requiring verification of age to show 'adult content' to prevent minors from seeing it, I suspect that's in their minds. I examined some of the laws myself and decided that posting in the open there may actually have a small potential of an issue. Traditionally written word has been a 1st Amendment item and you're protected, but with the way politics are going right now I worry that's going to end soon.

My advice is use other platforms. Here, maybe AO3, InkItt, SubscribeStar, and Ream seem to be okay with the content.

[lolabunny]

23 hours ago, BabySofia said:

My advice is use other platforms. Here, maybe AO3, InkItt, SubscribeStar, and Ream seem to be okay with the content.

I told this friend of mine about these possibilities, she told me that she's afraid that the content won't please her and won't have an audience. I understand her.

 

23 hours ago, BabySofia said:

I chose to pull the rest of my works when a couple were deleted without warning. 

It hurts a lot to have a story that you dedicate time and effort to make and then get deleted. I'll see if I can ask him to post his story. I think they're good.