How to explain...

[ohiobabygirl]

My husband isn't into the ab/dl lifestyle. He is whatever about it. I can't get it thru his head that being an abdl is more about the emotional aspect than a sexual one. It can be sexual for me but I would still 100% be into this lifestyle if the sexual aspect was removed. How can I better explain that I get more out of the emotional aspect than the sexual aspect. I honestly would be ok never having sex again. He on the other hand would probably die. He knows I'm not happy and actually told me to go out and talk to someone (like in a ddlg way) and go to my husband for sex. I think emotional relationships are way more important and damaging than a sexual one and he doesn't see it. If you got this far thanks for reading. 

[DailyDi]

Sorry for your situation. All you can do is be open and honest with him and hope he comes to understand.

[Little Sherri]

There is a lot to unpack here, but I think I understand where you are coming from and what you are getting at. It sounds like he's conflating "kink" with sex, which is not an uncommon phenomenon - a lot of kinks find their primary outlet in sexual activity. But that certainly doesn't have to be the rule, and for you, in this case, you're saying that it isn't. 

It's interesting that he'd be fine with you seeking to indulge that aspect of your needs with someone else - I see that as fraught with peril, from a relationship point of view - BUT, it's worth noting that some people here have been very successful bringing a mommy or daddy or big (or whatever the preferred term is) into their relationship. It can work. But if this new "dd" figure in your life is now satisfying all of your needs, there might not be a lot left for your husband, so it might be worth his effort to see if he could meet you part way, just as you might meet him part way if he were, say, really into the NFL - you might watch a game with him even if it's not your faviourite way to spend an afternoon. On the other hand, if he requires you to get a team logo as a tattoo, in order to meet his needs, that might be asking to much. 

As to how to explain it, you might liken it to what it feels like to, for example, put on a good movie and eat some chips, or, watch football, and eat wings, or curl up with the cat on a rainy night... that dressing or acting in an ABDL manner is something you find deeply relaxing and satisfying, in ways that are not primarily erotic - that wearing diapers etc acts like an antianxiety medication, an antidepressant, or like soothing background music or a good book, to you. I 100% understand this aspect of it - that's me in a nutshell, too. I wear diapers 24/7 but I am not turned on all the time, everywhere. It's not a sex thing, primarily, for me. 

At the same time you have to be cognizant of the reality that a lot of us were raised to "grow up and be big" as soon as we could, to be ashamed of wearing diapers and to outgrow them as quickly as possible, and to generally abhor the bodily functions associated with protective underwear, so, it could be a bit of a journey for him to try meeting you where you are, if he has standardized notions of what it is to be an adult, and suspicions about what it means to want to be childish again. You have to give him time to adjust, and you should welcome and show appreciation for any openness on his part that develops. But, you should also expect some consideration for your needs, if he cares about you and values the relationship. 

[ohiobabygirl]

@Little Sherri thank you so much! We have been married since 2008. He used to put a pull up and pjs on me and cuddle and watch a movie but then he would get very handsy so I have just started wearing when he isn't around. He tells me that he doubts I can wear and not get turned on. I had no way of figuring out how to explain it and you did so wonderfully. I just don't get how he would think me having an emotional relationship would be ok. I feel its way more dangerous especially that im not as into sex as he is (given the chance he would do it multiple times a day every day). 

[7fk1zctos2]

Hmm, let me unpack:

1. He played with you before
2. But he always wants to turn it into sex
3. You're not comfortable with that

Have you considered that he may be unhappy?

It is easy to get into the stance of "If my needs aren't being met, why should I bend over backwards for her needs?"

It's probably hard to imagine for a woman, but as a man it can be physically painful to cuddle a woman if you didn't have sex for too long. The blue balls are real and it can feel like a kick to the balls. Add onto that the humiliation of feeling unwanted.

I would suggest this:

1. Ask him what he wants, sexually
2. Combine the scenario with something you want
3. Do it regularly

One example: If he thinks he doesn't get enough sex, have him put you into a diaper AFTER sex. And make sure to find out the exact way he likes it.
(One thing that's especially important to many men is that the woman is really into him and into the sex. Gotta do that. Or maybe it's something specific like doggystyle or anal.) Cuddling is WAY better for a man AFTER a good orgasm.

Another good idea:

1. Put on a pullup.
2. Blow him. And ask him about the exact way he likes it.

If you blow him every time you put on a pullup, I bet he will start finding the mere sight pullups hot & sexy pretty soon.

 

But if you don't want to indulge him, I can understand why he would resign to asking you to just go elsewhere with your fantasies. 
This could be a critical moment for your relationship.

[Snugglebear_69]

One partner should not have to bend over backwards or indulge the other just to get their physical needs met. The post above feels like "you need to please him so he'll please you" and that is, in my opinion at least, a horrible way to approach a relationship. The last paragraph makes me cringe so hard . . . It just comes across more as a business transaction or almost emotional blackmail. Like if she won't do what he wants (indulge him) then he gets to just turn her away . . . 

To the OP, consider an adult to adult relationship meta talk. It sounds like there's far more going on here than simply sexual indulgence.