kidnapping Academy M (Complete)

[Mia Moore]

I'm really sorry for the delay on this one.   I'm just trying to make everything perfect, and this doesn't feel perfect yet.  But I'm probably as close to perfect as I'm going to get.  I know this chapter is really short.  I'll try to have a longer one up by next week, okay?  Anyway...

If you haven't read any Academy Works stories, there are five others in this universe.  They are as follows: 

Academy I (Part 1), Academy B (Part 2),  Academy T (Part 3),  Academy K (Part 4), and Academy A (Part 5). 

You don't have to read any of the other stories to enjoy this one, but there are a lot of references and overlap.  If you're in this for the long haul, and you want to know about the entire universe, I really do recommend reading this one after the other five. 

As always, you can support me at this Patreon link.  Thank you for all the comments and likes over the past year, and I hope to finish this project soon!  

~Mia~

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Academy M
By Mia Moore

 

"The just are blind to love, and the lovers are blind to everything else."

                                                    -The Source

 

Mistake One

I flipped through the dossier. Of all the cases they wanted me to start with...

"So?"

"You're sure she's a candidate?" I asked.

Eli nodded. He was the Academy's problem solver, and his first problem was the hardest one. How do we identify the candidates?

"Judith Levin, age twenty-eight."

"And she's been Touched?" I flipped the page. There was a picture on this one: a brunette with half-closed eyes and a faraway look.

"Yep," Eli said, which was all that he had to say. If she'd been Touched and he was able to compile a dossier, that was proof enough. She didn't disappear.

"So what am I supposed to do," I said sharply, snapping the folder closed. I entwined my fingers in front of me and leaned forward to meet Eli's gaze. He could intimidate anyone, but not me. I'd been working with him for far too long.

"Keep her occupied. She's done her part, but she's still an Arcana. She's dangerous."

Sure, keep her occupied. Eli was asking me to babysit God.

"Why me?" I asked. That was the real question I wanted answered. "There are a thousand other people working here that could handle this."

Eli smiled when he said: "She's into tall women."

"Well, shit..."

"No one is better than you, Maria," Eli went on. He was goading me, but he wasn't wrong.

"Where is she?" I asked, entertaining the offer. "Academy B?"

"M," Eli said flatly.

"Wait, really?"

“——— isn't taking any chances."

"I guess not..." I twirled my hair in thought. If keeping Judith in line was really so important, then I might as well take on the extra responsibility. It would give me more leverage at the end of all this.

"So you'll do it?" Eli asked.

"I'll do it."

"Good." And then Eli dropped the stoicism for just a moment to give me a smile. "You've got this."

"I'm not worried," I said brightly, without a hint of dishonesty.

But I should have been worried. I should have shown an ounce of caution, but my pride never let me make such compromises. Determination and commitment motivated me, and they would motivate me to oblivion. Judith Levin would be my downfall, and that cascade began when I accepted her as my responsibility. She was my first mistake.

[thedman]

Wow, what a tease for a first chapter.  Can't wait to see where this one goes.

[FloridaKid]

Oh. My. Gosh. What a great, pleasant surprise to see your post!! Can’t wait to see what you have up your sleeve this time. 🙂

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Two

Judith didn’t notice me when I entered the house. And it was a house too, with an open floor plan and high ceilings. To my right was a sizable kitchen. Four wooden barstools were tucked into one side of an island countertop, and the floor was made of sandy white tiles. The other half of the room was carpeted. A large sofa was positioned between myself and Judith, and Judith was positioned between the couch and the TV. Behind the TV was a massive mural of a crashing wave, spanning the entire length of the wall.

Judith herself looked a lot like her picture. Wavy brown hair, deep brown eyes. A bit shorter than me, a bit fatter than me, and a bit less attractive than me. Entirely and exceedingly ordinary.

My first word to Judith Levin was "hello", and she turned to me with a start. In retrospect, I wish I had said something more important, more grand. But she was new to me. How was I supposed to know what would happen?

"I'm Maria," I said next. "And you are Judith, correct?"

“Yeah…” She answered with such uncertainty, like she didn’t even remember her own name. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes darted left and right, as though she thought the room around her might come to life. “Why am I here? Or… or how did I get here?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” I asked, pulling out my clipboard.  The form clipped to it looked official, but all the writing was nonsense.

“I… I don’t know.  I was eating ice cream by the shore…”

"Ice cream?" I took a pen out of my breast pocket and wrote something down on the clipboard. It was gibberish - just random scribbles - but if Judith tried to sneak a peek at my notes it would tilt everything in my favor. After writing the note, I returned to her question.

"You were in an accident," I said solemnly. "Could I ask where here is, exactly? Do you know where we are?"

"Where we..." Judith started, then shook her head in annoyance. "My family's beach house."

"A beach house, hm?" Another note on the clipboard.

“What is going on here?” she shouted.

I clicked my pen closed and put on a sympathetic smile. She was so anxious, so uncertain, she would have accepted any answer I gave her. Actually, I was counting on it.

"Don't worry, Judith. There were some... mysterious circumstances surrounding your accident. But we are going to figure this out together, alright?"

"I want to call my dad," Judith said quickly. It was clear that she was starting to panic.

"I'm sorry, but you aren't able to do that right now." In truth, she could never talk to her dad again. If she tried, he wouldn't remember her anyway. "The accident, the thing that happened to you... a lot of other people got hurt. We worry that this accident may not have been an accident at all, that someone deliberately..."

I paused, shook my head, and sighed. I acted like I had said too much, though I hadn't actually said anything at all.

"I'm sorry, but phone calls are too risky right now. A letter may be an option, but I'd need to talk to my supervisor."

I let the silence fall between us. She was working out whether or not to believe my story. She didn't know if I was trustworthy or not. That was fair; I wasn't trustworthy at all.

Finally, she said: "He'll find me. He comes up to the beach house every summer..."

"Judith..." I paused appropriately, like I was giving bad news. The timing was perfect; it was something I had practiced a thousand times. "This isn't your family beach house."

“What?  Yes it is!  How can this not be my beach house?” Judith frowned and looked at the different features of the beach house, at the wall, at the kitchen, at the very sofa she was sitting on, and then back at the woman, at Maria.

“I know this must be difficult to understand," I said with a fake smile. This one was clearly fake; an attempt at making her feel better as I stepped closer to her. She took half a step back and I stopped, to allow her space.

"This is a hospital," I said. I wanted to give her concrete answers; abstraction was dangerous. I had built up her uncertainty as a way to lower her defenses, but I had to be careful. That beach house was no more stable than a house of cards.

"It doesn't look like a hospital," Judith said sharply.

"Well it certainly isn't like any hospital you've been to before," I said. "But I fear that perhaps what you see and what I see are different things."

"What the hell does that mean?" Judith raised her voice. "This is my beach house! That's my dad's room! That's the beach!" Her finger pointed first at a closed door, then to a large door wall on the far side of the room. Sure enough, on the other side of the glass was a sandy beach and a glimmering ocean.

"There's no beach, Judith," I said solemnly. "It's just your imagination. If you try to leave this room, I think you'll find that there's no real exit."

Before I said those words to Judith, they weren't true. She could have opened any door and left that house. She could have gone outside, onto the beach, and anywhere she wanted. But now that I'd put the thought in her head, she was boxed in. She was stuck. Sure enough, Judith hurried to the doorwall. She unlatched the lock on the sliding door and tugged at it, but it didn't open. I waited with a perfectly practiced apologetic smile.

“I’m losing my mind,” Judith muttered. “Or maybe I died, and this is Heaven? I guess the beach house could be my Heaven…”

"I know this is scary," I said gently, setting the clipboard down on the kitchen island and taking a few cautious steps toward the door wall. "I promise, everything is going to be fine."

"You said..." Judith looked up at me with a lost look on her face. It was actually quite charming. "You said... there was an attack or something?"

"We think so," I corrected her.

"What happened? How did..."

"We were hoping you could tell us that," I laughed halfheartedly. "You're the only one who was there that is still conscious."

"If you tell me what happened," Judith started, but I was quick to interrupt.

"I was advised by our psychologists on staff that giving you any information might lead to the creation of false memories. I don't want to keep you in the dark like this, but this is bigger than either of us. Please try to understand..."

Judith was quiet.  Maybe she believed me, or maybe she didn’t and she was playing her hands close to her chest. But either way, it was hard for me to get an accurate read on her.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. I wanted to change the subject, something with a little less introspection. But more than that, I needed to build a rapport with this girl. The start of our relationship put me at a disadvantage, with so many unrealistic assertions. It was time to put on the charm.

"You've been on an IV for a few days," I said when Judith didn’t answer. She gave me that same look of skepticism, so I tapped my arm on the inner side of my elbow. She looked down at her own and saw a needle mark. "Perhaps something gentle on your stomach, like some fruit or crackers?"

She shrugged her shoulders, which I took as a resounding 'yes'.

"Then I'll be right back," I said with a bright smile. "You be good while I'm gone." The look of incredulousness on her face was delightful.

I returned to the front door of the beach house. When I opened it, she tensed. When the door closed behind me, I knew she would be trying the handle.

I stood in the long hall outside Judith's beach house. It had concrete walls with plastic screens embedded into them. I went over to the panel next to Judith's door and turned on the camera. Sure enough, she was pulling at the door I had walked through. So predictable.

It took me no more than an hour to find some food for Judith. The kitchen at Academy M was small, but well-stocked. I put a mix of fruits onto a paper plate and dumped a few spoonfuls of apple sauce into a bowl. I grabbed some crackers too, organizing everything onto a styrofoam tray. Then I made my way back to Judith's room.

I checked the screen next to Judith's door. She was waiting behind the front door, as still as a statue. She thought she would surprise me. So I pressed a few buttons on the screen and changed the entry to the bathroom instead. Then, out of curiosity, I scrubbed through the video history. Judith wandered around the beach house a little bit, but never went upstairs. She went into the bedroom - her father's room - on the first floor, then the bathroom up the hallway. She tried the door wall again, and when that didn't work, she picked up a stool from the kitchen island and slammed it into the glass. I wondered idly if it would give way, but I'd primed her well. The glass held and she was stuck in her cage.

Then she noticed the clipboard I intentionally left on the counter. The camera couldn't capture her expression as she looked down at the nonsensical form, but the turning of the pages was frantic. Not afraid, but maybe confused.

I set the video back to the present and stepped through the door. This time, instead of winding up in the foyer, I wound up in the hall just outside the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and went to meet Judith in the kitchen.

"I brought you some food," I said, which nearly made Judith jump out of her skin. She stared wide-eyed at me, then at the door she was watching. The door I left through. I tilted my head curiously.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"That... you... where did you come from?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you left through this door! And I've been watching it, so how did you get in here?"

"I came in the same way I always do," I said carefully, like Judith wasn't making any sense. Like she was the problem, not the doors.

"No," she said sharply. "You left through the front door, and you came out of the hall!"

There was an intentional pause before I offered a solution, a solution that would only make her less sure of herself.

"Perhaps you should draw me a map? Of what you think this place looks like?"

Judith looked once more at the front door, then back at me. And finally, after a long internal debate to which I wish I could have been privy, she changed the subject.

"Strawberries?" she asked. "I'm allergic to strawberries."

"Oh..." I looked down at the tray, at the pile of assorted fruits, and flashed an embarrassed smile. "I'm so sorry. Let's just stick to the apple sauce and crackers then." I walked around her, through the kitchen, and got a paper plate out of one of the cabinets. I transferred all the crackers onto the other plate and put the bowl of apple sauce on the counter beside it. I set the tray of fruit aside; I'd take it out with me.

"You didn't know I'm allergic to strawberries?" Judith asked, stepping up to the other side of the island so that there was a barrier between us. "You didn't pull my medical records?"

"We didn't want to rouse any suspicion," I lied. The truth was, Judith had no medical records anymore. Or rather, though they very likely still existed in the system, they were unobservable. If the Academy tried to search for her, we wouldn't find anything. Judith Levin had been removed from humanity's collective consciousness, and that had more far-reaching implications than just "we don't remember who she was".

Judith dithered on the cracker. She would hold it, but she wouldn't take a bite. The strawberry thing was an oversight, and I realized all too quickly that I needed to get a medical history. There were so many flaws in our system that we hadn’t been able to see until now. But first, she needed to eat. I picked up a cracker and held it up for her to see. Then I took a bite.

"It's not poison," I said with a laugh.

"I know," Judith said, a little embarrassed. She took a bite of her cracker. For good measure, I took a bite of the apple sauce as well, just to put her mind at ease.

"You seem a little bit more wound-up since I was here last,” I said. “Could you talk me through a little bit of how you're feeling? For your patient record? Could you do that for me?"

I decided that could you do that for me would be six very important words to Judith. I could have chosen any phrase, any word, but this one had some linguistic politeness to it.  It would make her more willing to comply, and association was easy to build in this place.

"I don't know," Judith shrugged, unable to meet my gaze. "I'm just... taking it all in. I can't believe this isn't real. But I went through the closets, the cabinets... none of our stuff is here."

"At least it's a familiar environment?" I offered kindly. But secretly, I was overjoyed. The lack of personal effects meant some part of Judith's mind had accepted she was in a hospital.

"I want to leave," Judith said quietly. "I want to go home..."

"I know," I cooed. "We'll get you home."

"After I remember what happened? How long will that take?"

"We aren't really sure," I sighed. I pushed the plate of crackers toward her and she took another one. "But I have a plan. Ways to help spark your memory."

I watched Judith's eyes light up with curiosity. With possibility. All she had to do was play my games and she might get out of this place. Of course, playing my games would only ensure the opposite.

"But we shouldn't start now," I insisted. "You're still recovering, and you have a lot to process."

"But..."

"Trust me," I said, which was something Judith ought not to do at all. "We can begin tomorrow, but for now I'd like you to rest. Perhaps we can go over your medical history to avoid any further problems."

"I suppose..." Judith sighed and ate her second cracker. Already, she was eager to lean into my plans. But I had to take it slow. I didn't want her to topple; I wanted her to fall gently into my arms.

The two of us went through her medical history. Other than her strawberry allergy and some diagnosed depression, she didn't have a lot of risk factors. I would have to mitigate the depression a little, and I made a mental note - and an illegible physical one - to look into getting her antidepressants. Even a Touch couldn't resolve that problem.

I made no attempt to hide Judith's chart from her, and often I would catch her glancing over at it. After the third or fourth time, I passed it to her. We were sitting on opposite sides of the couch.

"You can read it if you want. I'm not keeping anything secret from you that I don't have to."

"Oh, I..." Judith paused. She'd already tried to read it, and of course she couldn't. I watched a touch of pink fill her cheeks. "No, that's fine..."

I wondered just how long it might take her to admit to me that she couldn't read the gibberish I'd noted down on the paper, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I smiled understandingly, and nodded my head.

"Well when I'm done with all my notes, you are welcome to read them. Some other nurses aren’t as transparent, but I don’t believe in that."

"Other nurses...?" Judith sounded confused. "I just assumed you were a doctor or something..."

"Oh, no.  Doctors never have time for patients, and patients are my favorite part of my job!" That technically wasn't a lie. "But I do assure you, I know what I'm doing and I confer with other professionals on your team."

"Am I going to meet them?" Judith asked.

"Sooner or later," I shrugged. "I'm your head nurse, but you might come across a few others.  Truthfully, we hope you can just go about your life as normal and your memories will gradually come back.  We will stock the kitchen so you can make your own meals, and you can use the TV to entertain yourself.  There's no internet or cable, but we have DVDs.  If I can get you anything else, something you might find at a department store, I'm sure I can make that happen."

"So I'm under house arrest, kind of?" Judith sulked.

"Kind of..." I admitted. "Though I hope you don't see this as a punishment.  You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we want... I want you to be happy." The subject change was intentional.

After a long sigh, Judith nodded. "I know.  I wish I could remember..."

"It will come with time," I smiled.

"It's weird," Judith said. "We grow up watching movies and TV shows about amnesia and stuff, but it's not at all how they make it out to be. I know my name, I know how old I am. I remember stuff like this house, but then there's just this big nothing…”

"The human brain is a wild and untamed frontier,” I sighed. “If only we had it already mapped…”

"It hasn't been long, right?” she asked. “Since... whatever happened?"

I could hear the concern in her voice. If I gave her a longer duration, it could create some dysregulation. It could make her more vulnerable. But she was dealing with enough uncertainty right now. She needed equal parts security, so I told her the truth.

"About a week."

“A week…” I watched Judith's fear leave her body, like a ghost. Those two words brought her so much comfort. Then she said: "But I need to tell my dad I'm okay. You said I could write a letter?"

I did say that. I figured if she wrote letters to her father, I could read them and gain more insight into her mental state. But the letters were a mistake, and one I wouldn't realize for a very long time.

"Of course," I said. "You write a letter and I'll make sure it gets delivered. But please mention in your letter that he can't tell anyone else that he knows you're safe. It could put him in danger."

"I understand," Judith said confidently. Then, almost like an afterthought, she asked: "What was your name again?"

"Maria Porter," I said. "But you can call me Maria."

That night, Judith slept in the downstairs bedroom. I watched her on the monitor as her house was stocked with requested DVDs, some cooking staples, and not a single strawberry. I left a note on the counter for when she woke up, alongside a box of envelopes and lined paper. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to read the note.

[Mia Moore]

Sorry for the delay on this, and not replying to posts and stuff. 😭 I'm gonna try to be a little more on top of things going forward.  I don't want to leave anyone hanging on this story.

[BabyLexie]

On 9/5/2023 at 6:09 PM, Mia Moore said:

If the Academy tried to search for her, we wouldn't find anything. Judith Levin had been removed from humanity's collective consciousness, and that had more far-reaching implications than just "we don't remember who she was".

This whole time I’d been assuming the Academy was a band of rich weirdos luring people into diapers, Most Dangerous Game style. But it looks like there really is some kind of metaphysical nature to the group, and it’s not all elaborate gaslighting…

Or why not both? Is Maria merely working in Academy M, or is she also the subject? It’ll be curious to see the curtain pulled back. 

I love this series so much, might be time for another reread. Thanks Mia!!

[Mia Moore]

On 9/8/2023 at 6:41 PM, BabyLexie said:

But it looks like there really is some kind of metaphysical nature to the group, and it’s not all elaborate gaslighting…

Not ALL elaborate gaslighting. 😉 

I'm so happy you are enjoying this series so much!! 🥺 I really hope to finish it soon, and answer everyone's questions.  It's been a really ambitious project and A:M is the most ambitious of all of them for sure.

More soon!  

~Mia~

[CDfm]

I just finally got caught up on the series.  I read all five of the stories you had out and I did so in a matter of two days.  Like any truly good book, I couldn’t put it down. 
Every time I think I might start to have a handle on exactly what is going on, something changes or some new information comes up that conflicts with my understanding.  So,  I am simply going to keep my thoughts about what I believe is happening to myself and enjoy the story!

Now I know that life happens but please keep in mind I am going to have some withdrawal issues if I have to wait to long for new chapters. You do know I spent the last two days reading. 😉😉

[FloridaKid]

I can tell you’re setting us up for another mind bender. Bring it. 🙂

[Personalias]

So much to love here.  How the Chapters are called "Mistakes".  And for the first time in this series, we're given the point of view of someone who otherwise would firmly be in the camp of "antagonist" and "caregiver".    I also notice, one writer to another, that you're using first person point of view; an excellent narrative tool for getting readers to relate to what otherwise might be a hard to relate character.

Also, just that one line near the opening.  "Eli was asking me to babysit God".  It puts a new spin on past Academy stories in the best way.  It's like watching the Sixth Sense for the second time.  I kind of want to go back and re-read all the other entries and see if there are clues that line up.  

So far, you have given many hints and indications that this Illuminati like group isn't just some group of random people looking to regress folks for "reasons".  This feels like peeling back the curtain.

[Mia Moore]

Thank you all so much for the comments!!  They are so inspiring!! 🥰  I promise there is more coming soon!  I have two chapters to post later this week, and they are longer ones.  

On 11/3/2023 at 6:18 AM, Personalias said:

So much to love here.  How the Chapters are called "Mistakes".  And for the first time in this series, we're given the point of view of someone who otherwise would firmly be in the camp of "antagonist" and "caregiver".    I also notice, one writer to another, that you're using first person point of view; an excellent narrative tool for getting readers to relate to what otherwise might be a hard to relate character.

I really want Academy M to feel different to the other ones, because it's not the same kind of story.  The others are glimpses into a complicated story.  This one is more like glimpses into some complicated people?  I don't know if anybody has pieced it together yet (it'll come up soon!) but Maria Porter has appeared in some other Academy stories already.   I like what you said about switching to first person.  Originally, that was to make it "different" to the others but the more I write the more personalized it feels.  I'm really glad I did first person for this one!!  Also, Mistakes instead of Chapters is another way of humanizing it.  We don't think about our lives in "Chapters", but we do categorize by "before I did X" or "after X happened".

On 11/3/2023 at 6:18 AM, Personalias said:

I kind of want to go back and re-read all the other entries and see if there are clues that line up.  

I feel like, when Academy M is finished, this sentiment will be very popular!  I hope so anyway, because it changes the context of a lot of stuff in previous stories.

On 11/3/2023 at 6:18 AM, Personalias said:

So far, you have given many hints and indications that this Illuminati like group isn't just some group of random people looking to regress folks for "reasons".  This feels like peeling back the curtain.

This is such a high compliment, especially from you!! 😊 I'm hoping that by the end of this story, everything will be explained relatively well, and then people can look forward to a resolution.

ALSO!

I'm sorry I post so infrequently right now, and I'm not replying as often as I'd like.  A lot of stuff has changed in my life this past year, and I'm branching out a little more.  Which means not writing as often.  But this series is very dear to me, and I will 100% be finishing it.  I promise!!!!

Thank you all for your time and commitment.  Look forward to more Academy M next week!

~Mia Moore~

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Three

"Are you doing this on purpose?" Judith asked.  Her voice was full of anger, holding up the note I'd left her the night before. I played dumb, of course; it was early in the morning and I'd only just entered Judith's space for the day.

"And good morning to you too, Judith," I said. "What's the matter?  You seem upset."

"I know this isn't English," Judith said, waving the note. "Whatever you were writing on the clipboard too. You know I can't read this."

"You can't read it?" I asked, perfectly faking concern. "That's... unusual..."

"Cut it out," Judith said a little louder. "I can read other stuff just fine!" She put the note down on the counter, went over to the bags of chips, and picked up the Tostitos. Then she turned it over and started rattling off the ingredients list. She sure was thorough... but I had accounted for that.

"But you can't read this?" I asked, turning the note on the counter to face me.

"Because those aren't letters! Those aren't words!"

"And you couldn't read my form yesterday? Why didn't you say something?"

Judith froze. She was embarrassed, obviously. People don't like not knowing things. But now I'd caught her out on it. After a moment to collect herself, she crossed her arms defensively and glared at me.

"It doesn't matter. It's not readable."

"Good morning," I said, my eyes on the note as if I were reading it. "I've stocked your kitchen with some food and given you the supplies to write your letter. If you finish it today, I can send it out tomorrow. Please try to enjoy yourself until I arrive. Signed, Maria."

Judith was speechless. I looked up at her and she shook her head a little. Then she held herself tighter with her arms over her chest.

"Read it again..." she mumbled. "If it's a real note, you won't mix up any words."

I sighed. "Good morning," I repeated. I'd memorized the fake letter this morning. "I've stocked your kitchen with some food and given you the supplies to write your letter. If you finish it today, I can send it out tomorrow. Please try to enjoy yourself until I arrive." Then I looked back at Judith. "Signed, Maria."

Judith didn't look back at me. She stood there and looked at her feet. It didn't make sense to her, and I could see her unraveling. With a cautious smile, I approached her and put my hand on her shoulder. It was the first time I'd ever touched her. She was warmer than I thought she'd be.

"This doesn't make sense," Judith mumbled. I could hear the frustration in her voice. It quivered.

"Maybe your mind is just trying to protect you from something," I said calmly, rubbing her shoulder.

"But the chips, and... and all the other stuff..."

"Are familiar to you," I finished her sentence. "But I'm new. All this is new. Perhaps you're struggling to interpret new things?"

"Maybe..."

Judith was caving in on herself. It was precious to watch, and it gave me an opening. I reached down and took Judith by the hand. I curled my fingers around hers.

"Let's sit down and talk about this, okay? Don't worry, I'm here."

"Yeah..." Judith let me walk her to the couch. This time I sat next to her, practically touching. We went through some of the alphabet together, but whenever I would write a letter or a word it would be scribbles. In the end, we came to the conclusion together: she couldn't read anymore. At least, not anything I wrote down.  We would test it again later with some other forms from other colleagues.  She would find the same problem.

"I know this is scary," I said, "but I'm here for you, Judith. I am here to support you, and I'm not going to let anything bad happen. We're going to get you through to the other side of this."

Nothing I said was untrue. That was the easiest type of deception to get away with; the sort that you could do entirely with truth. Lying was inevitable, but there was a kind of certainty that only the truth could get across, and that was how you got people to trust you.

"I really hate this," Judith mumbled. She looked away from me, out the large glass door wall, at the waterlogged horizon. I wondered what she was thinking.

"Let's talk about the treatment plan," I urged. "The sooner we start, the sooner we can resolve this whole thing."

"Right... yeah..." That brought Judith's attention back to the present, back to me. It was foreshadowing, in a way: soon, I'd be the most important thing in her life.

"I'd like to start today by asking you how you're feeling."

"I'm feeling... I don't know."

"That's why I'm asking," I smiled. "So we can figure it out."

"I'm feeling... confused. But, not confused. Like..."

"Lost?" I offered.

"I guess so..." Judith sulked.

"Well, you have me to guide you," I said brightly. "Now let's get started."

Judith's treatment plan involved three goals:

One. We wanted to restore Judith's memory of the events that never happened. It was an impossible goal.

Two. Reduce anxiety and uncertainty. These things would interfere with the first impossible goal, but they would allow me to exercise a lot more control over Judith.

Three. She wanted to fix her reading and writing. I didn't care about that, but it did provide me an opportunity to establish a dynamic. Me, her teacher. A position of power.

That day, we worked on the second goal. I needed to establish a relationship with Judith and plant some ideas in her head. Meditation was my means.

"Sit here," I said. "Hold my hands like this."

"Um... sure..." We were both on the floor, legs crossed, and facing each other. She put her hands in mine and I gently brushed the backs of her hands with my thumbs.

A certain degree of intimacy was good for building a connection, and building connections was good for building intimacy.  It was a feedback loop.  So holding Judith's hands was a good place to start.

"We're going to start with a breathing exercise, could you do that for me?"

"Mmhmm..."

Judith and I went through breathing exercises together. I helped her relax her body. I would sometimes open my eyes and glance at her. She looked quiet, serene. Like when she was sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, I stiffed my back and pushed out my chest just in case she decided to open hers.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Alright, I guess..." Judith said quietly.

"I'm going to take you through a guided meditation. Just listen, imagine what I'm telling you... no need to do or think about anything else."

"Okay..."

There wasn't all that much difference between guided meditation and hypnotic suggestion; just the ratio of conscious to subconscious thought when it came to the narration. Hypnosis was never really in our toolkit because it was rudimentary, but guided meditation was an excellent way to make a candidate party to their own downfall.

"So we're going to try and visualize the beach outside your beach house…"

Judith didn't say anything else, but her hands were still softly placed in mine. I peeked at her and I could tell by the concentration on her face that she was doing her best. Wonderful.

"You can feel the sand under your bare feet... you can smell the salt of the ocean... you can hear the waves rolling gently against the shore..."

I had worried that Judith could have been a difficult project, but she listened and obeyed as I spoke.

"This is your beach, this is your safe space. Whenever you feel worried, or upset, or scared, you can always come to your beach, Judith. You can always close your eyes and be here. And nothing can harm you here, not a thing at all."

"There are no storms here," I continued. "There are no tidal waves or bugs or anything scary at all. But I can be here, whenever you need me. I can be here to hold your hand, to reassure you, and to help you overcome anything. I am here."

The meditation went on a while longer. As I described them, I thought about ways I could use the warmth of the sand or the sound of waves or the blue of the sky. But that would come later.

"You can open your eyes now, Judith."

I watched her open her eyes. Her expression was calm and tired. Her eyes were a little shiny with water as her pupils adjusted to the light of the beach house. I got up first and patted her on the head, like it was a normal thing to do. Then I said: "You did so well, Judith. I'm very proud of you."

Proud was such a wonderful word. It was a word a teacher could give to a pupil, or a word a friend could give to another. A boss could give it to a worker, and a wife could say it to her husband. It was also a word a parent could say to a child. I wondered where Judith and I would fall in that vast sea of possibility.

After our lesson, which is what I had begun calling the time working on her goals, I had to go. That was when Judith asked: "Can I go with you? Like, can I see the rest of the hospital?"

I flashed her a pained expression, and then shook my head slowly. "Not yet, Judith; with your mind as fractured as it is, we need to keep the variables to a minimum or else your brain is likely to start filling in gaps with the information it can find. And like sugar and salt poured out on a plate, we might never be able to sort through that mess."

"But..." Judith hesitated. Since she had come to accept so many other truths I had given her, this one seemed almost too logical to argue. So she didn't.

"You're right," she relented.

"Write your letter," I said cheerily. "Put it in an envelope and I'll have it delivered. No one else will read it."

Judith nodded and I left through the front door. I reviewed the case files for a few hours, planning my next steps. That was when I had a visit from Eli.

"It looks like you're taking kindly to this place," he said, taking a seat across from my desk.

"It's very quiet," I sighed. "I have to admit, I miss the chaos..."

"Then you'll be happy to know that we have already tracked down sixty-six other candidates."

"Wow... in a week?" That was impressive, and way ahead of schedule.

"Some of them are easier to get to than others, but Kenzō's tracker is working miracles."

Kenzō was our tech guy. Or, the head of a few dozen tech guys. He hated managing things, but he was damn good at everything else. He was the one that invented the markers, and was instrumental in creating the Memoriam.

Eli nodded at the file on my desk. "May I?"

"Oh, sure." I passed him my notes. While he perused, I checked Judith's security cam. She was exploring the upstairs. Two bedrooms and a bathroom; nothing interesting.

"This reading game you're playing..." Eli critiqued, "why not just use a marker? You wouldn't have to work so hard if you actually took away her ability to read."

"You get how many Touches?" I asked. "Twelve?"

"Experiments are showing closer to nine or ten," Eli said solemnly, which wasn't too different to how he usually spoke. "Rerouting neural pathways takes a greater toll on the brain than we imagined."

"Right. So why would I waste one of those precious advantages on something I can manage myself?"

"You make a good point," Eli admitted. "But I know you, Maria. This isn't a game of pride. Don't gamble when you don't have to."

"I'm not."

"You ordered antidepressants?" he asked. But it wasn't a question.

"Is that why you're here?" I sighed. "It's been two days."

"One Touch," he negotiated. "It doesn't matter what you use it for, but it'll make the higher ups a lot less nervous."

"She's not dangerous," I argued.

"Don't be naïve, Maria. One Touch."

I had everything under control, and playing with Judith's consciousness ran the risk of starting fires. One lie begets another, and another. And, well... I'd never done it before. I'd worked for the Academy for years, plotting and planning and organizing. But now, I had an actual candidate in front of me. Now, I was at a moral crossroads.

The worst part was, no matter what decision I made, it would be the wrong one.

I spent most of that night thinking about the markers. Kenzō built twelve of them from fragments of the Source. One of them belonged to me. One to Eli. One to ———. One to Kenzō, who promptly gave it to Penny. One belonged to Academy M, for safety reasons. One belonged to Academy I, for practical reasons. One belonged to Academy T, for bureaucratic reasons. One was traded between Academies A through E. One was traded between Academies W through Z. Two were traded between all the remaining Academies. And the last one belonged to the Magistrate, as... well, the closest comparison would be a nuclear deterrent.

The markers could alter the neural pathways in a candidate's brain. More than that, they changed the candidate's reality. It wasn't brain surgery so much as creating a new version of the subject. There's a subtle difference between Judith not remembering how to read and not being able to read.

But even the Source has limitations. So too do the markers. They can't change who the candidate is on a fundamental level. In other words, there are some things about a person that are inescapable, no matter what version of themselves they are. Free will is the universal example. The markers can't alter free will.

I couldn't use the marker to alter Judith's reading without also altering her memory of the past two days. That would be two Touches, and likely two wasted ones at that. I had to come up with something else...

Then I remembered why Eli assigned me to this case in the first place. Judith had a thing for tall women. I pulled out my tablet and clicked the marker onto the top of it. It snapped into place. I opened up one of Kenzō's apps and started tuning the dials. The cap on the marker shifted from white to red.

The next morning, I entered the beach house from the upstairs bedroom. Judith was in the kitchen, and she was startled again when I came down the stairs.

"How did..." She shook her head. "Nevermind. You should announce yourself when you come in, since you keep popping up in unexpected places."

"I'm sorry," I laughed. "But that's a good idea. I'll call out next time, okay?"

"Yeah, okay..." Judith put down the spoon into her bowl of cereal and swiped an unmarked envelope off the countertop. She walked over to me and held it out.

"For your dad?" I asked. "Yeah. He lives at—"

"We know," I smiled warmly. "Kensington, right?"

"Yeah..." Judith looked a little awestruck, but she had no reason to be. I'd already proven that our agency was very knowledgeable, and Judith had already given us the information. She just didn't remember it.

She handed me the letter, and then I paused.  I looked at the front, at the word "Dad" in cursive.  Then I turned it over.

"Judith," I said cautiously. "I don't want to worry you, but… does this say something?"

"What?  Yeah!  It says Dad.  Wait… you can't read it?"

I shook my head and Judith looked absolutely baffled.

"So… so it's not just me?" Judith asked, trying to piece the puzzle together. "You can't read either?"

"Perhaps.  Or…"

"Or…?"

"Or you can't write," I suggested, my smile full of pity.

"I… of course I can.  Obviously, I can!  I wrote that whole letter!"

Judith snatched the letter out of my hand and unfolded it.  She handed it to me.  It was short.

 

Dad,

Hey, it's Judith.  I'm so sorry I didn't call.  I can't call right now.  I'm safe, but there's something happening and I can't talk about it.  I don't know what I can say in this letter, but if you give me a few days I'll try to give you more information.  Be safe and maybe check out the beach house?  I know that's a weird request.  Anyway, I love you.  I'll write soon, I promise.

Judith

 

It read like any other letter, but there were tones of uncertainty all through it.  Suspicion.  She didn't trust me yet.  Smart girl.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, holding the letter up for her to see, "but this is just scribbles."

"Bullshit…" She snatched the letter back.

I'd never heard her swear before.  She said hell once, but I wasn't sure that counted.  It was incongruent, and I didn't like it.  Maybe I'd train curse words out of her.  But for now…

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I'll show some of my colleagues if that's okay?  Maybe this is a localized effect… something about you and me?"

"How can I just… I can read it just fine…" Judith wasn't talking to me.  She was trying to understand.  But it wasn't understandable.  She turned the paper over a few times and gave it back.

"You're sure?" she asked. "You're absolutely sure you can't read this?"

She locked eyes with me.  She was trying to tell if I was lying.  But I'd been lying all my life; she didn't have the skills to see through my deceptions.

"I swear, Judith.  I can't read this."

We were both quiet for a moment.  She was halfway between anger and disbelief.  None of her was on board with what was going on, so I thought it best to just change the subject.

"We will work on writing along with your reading, okay?"

"Whatever…"

Then I snapped my fingers. It was the starting point of the program I'd written into the marker. She wouldn't remember anything after that snap, and I had some recon to do.

"Judith? Do you find me attractive?"

Judith blinked. It was a forward question, of course it caught her off guard. And I expected her answer too.

"What? No! I mean... I mean, you are. I mean... you're... you're nice looking. Uh..." She was stumbling over her words and immediately looked away from me.

"It's important to be direct, Judith. Could you do that for me? Let's try one more time: do you find me attractive?" Pushing like this wasn't the best bedside manner, but with the ability to hit an invisible undo button after the conversation, I didn't really mind the risks.

"I guess? I don't know!" She was clearly flustered. "Why does this matter?"

"It doesn't," I said simply. "But if you could have me... if you could throw me down right there on the sofa and rip off my clothes... would you?"

She stood there, awestruck, so I added:

"Or, should I be the one throwing you on the sofa? Should I be ripping your clothes off?"

"This... this is crazy! You're acting crazy!" But Judith's face was warm with embarrassment. She turned on her heel and walked back to the kitchen, just to put distance between her and me. I followed, of course.

"If you want to put your memories back together, the truth is important," I said. "It's how we ground you, your reality, your feelings. Be truthful with me, so you can be truthful with yourself."

"I'm not engaging in this conversation," Judith said sharply, though she was still blushing. "First off, you're my nurse. Second off, isn't there an ethical problem here if I have amnesia or something? And like, what the hell? We met two days ago!"

It seemed like Judith's rational mind was winning over her emotional one. That was good information to have.

"Are you telling me you've ever needed two days to know if you're attracted to someone?" I asked.

"You're extremely unprofessional," Judith said with finality.

"Sometimes," I shrugged and reached into my pocket. I took out the red-capped marker and took a few steps closer to Judith. She shied away, which was expected.

"I'm not going to do anything," I assuaged her. "No matter how attractive I find you, you're right. I should be professional."

I watched her eyes change. Nervousness. Anxiety. Then, to confusion. Uncertainty. And just a bit of flattery. I smiled warmly and took another step closer.

"What are you doing?" she asked, but she didn't shy away this time.

"It's just a test," I said very professionally. I uncapped the marker, but the tip wasn't felt or colored. It was a silver orb held in place with metal coils. I took her hand in mine and touched the tip of the orb to her palm.

Nothing flashy happened. There wasn't a magical light or a spark or a glow. There wasn't a sound like a click or a ring or a chime. But I watched at close range as the curious light in Judith's eyes faded away. Her eyelids fell halfway and her hand went limp in my own. It was like watching someone die.

After that, it was like having a doll. When I moved her, she moved with me, and it was easy to lead her back to the stairs where I had snapped my fingers. I still had her letter in my hand.

When we were in position, I tilted her chin up to look at her. That faraway look in her eyes. That cute little empty head. A part of me felt guilty, having done this to another human being. But Judith was no ordinary human being. Maybe she wasn't a human being at all anymore. And that made me feel powerful.

In retrospect, I wished I had snapped my fingers right then. I wished I hadn't Touched her at all.  If I hadn't used the marker in that moment, maybe I never would have.  Maybe I would have made different choices.  It was just another mistake.

"Judith..." I said her name so softly, like the quiet space between us was fragile. Like she might wake up. But she wouldn't, not until I snapped my fingers again. "What are you most afraid of?" I asked.

"Being alone," she said. Her words were soft and full like a stuffed animal. Being alone. Perfect.

"What is something you find particularly attractive on women?" I asked.

"Lipstick," she whispered. It was like she could speak clearly without making a single sound.

"And what do you think of me?" I asked.

"You're very pretty and kind," she spoke so deliriously, and so articulate. "You're generous and you try to help. You're always... doing your best..."

I hesitated. It sounded like she was buying my performance. It sounded like she found me attractive. Everything was on course. But that last bit... I don't know why, but it felt a little too insightful. Like I wasn't accounting for something, and it would sneak up on me and ruin everything. A leftover variable nobody thought to control for.

I'm overreacting, I told myself at the time. But I wasn't.

I snapped my fingers and Judith's eyes blinked. She looked at me, at the letter in my hand, and nodded her head.

Just like that, her brain reconnected to her mind, her body to her soul, and her self to the present. I, meanwhile, had to pretend that no time had passed at all. I was a pretty good actor.

"Thank you for always being so cooperative and helping to work toward your recovery."

Judith rolled her eyes and returned to the kitchen with a remarkable resemblance to the way she had done just a few moments prior. A small pang of terror shot up my spine, but she went instead to the sink to fill a glass of water. I took a breath and followed her. If the marker had done its job - and I had no reason to believe it hadn't - then Judith would be just a little more attracted to me than before. I wasn't sure how it would manifest yet, but I was eager to find out.

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Four

I thought that would be the only time I'd have to use my marker on her, but the effects were remarkable. I had her swooning over me like a middle school girl, and it made my job a lot easier. Then again, maybe some of that was just Stockholm syndrome; she hadn't even spoken to anyone else all week.

I also got Judith some antidepressants, the same brand and the same dosage she used to take.  There was nothing special about the pills; even when she inspected them, she found only familiarity.  I wanted her to trust me, and starting with something as personal as medication was a good first step.  Every morning, before we started lessons, I'd give her a little plastic cup with one pill in it.  Whether she took it or not was up to her.

The beach house wasn't exactly what I had in mind when coming up with Judith's lessons. Why couldn't she have created a house with an office, or a school? But I was working with what I was given, so the kitchen island became our study spot. I'd even ordered some washable markers for writing on the wall.

Judith set up two pillows in front of the TV for us to meditate; it was often the first thing we did every morning.  At first, she had resisted this part of her routine, as she tended to do with everything I introduced. And just like everything else I introduced, she was also now one of the strongest advocates for it.

"All ready to get started?" I asked, looking down at the pillows.

"Mmhmm."

Judith was already sitting, her elbows on her thighs and her hands outstretched. I sat across from her and let her put her hands in mine. I held them both tightly and loosely, like when you lead a dance. That was what I was doing.

"Close your eyes," I said. She did. I didn't. She never opened her eyes anymore, so I could watch her breathe and relax. I could tell when something I said eased her mind, and I could tell when she was resistant. It's all in the eyebrows, and a little in the lips.

"We're going to take five very long, wonderful, slow, breaths. I'll count, don't you worry. And when we've done all five, we'll go to your safe place together."

Each number brought with it a description. The sounds of the ocean. The smell of the salty air. The feeling of warm sand under her feet. Until finally, the two of us were alone on the beach.

"You feel warm... you feel safe... you feel my hands in yours." I gently brushed my thumbs along the backs of her hands, to remind her that I was there.

"How is the sun today?" I asked. She couldn't have the sun inside of her beach house, so it was always the first thing her mind conjured.

"Warm," she mumbled. Her voice was quiet and far away.

"Good girl," I praised. I'd been using that phrase a lot recently, building up an association. "You feel the warmth of the sun, but no fear of sunburn. Everything around you is bright, but the light doesn't sting your eyes. You slowly bend your knees and gently sit down in the sand. Your head feels heavy, but it doesn't hurt. It's a familiar feeling. Stress in your muscles. Stress in your neck. You want to lie down, so you do. You rest your head on a towel, something I put there for you, to keep the sand out of your hair. You relax your thighs, until all of you is lying flat on the beach. How is the sun today?"

"W..warm..." I could hear Judith struggle for the word in her relaxation. Even her body, which once sat up straight, was beginning to slouch.

"Good girl," I said again. "You listen to the waves. You feel the warm water at your heels, but never any higher. You feel my hand in yours."

When I brought Judith out of her meditation, she looked at me with glossy eyes and a dumb smile. Her gaze was drawn to my soft red lipstick.

"That was nice," she said sleepily.

"It was," I agreed. "I have something for you. This is a gift from me."

"From... you?" The hazy look in Judith's eyes faded and a bit of color came to her cheeks.

"Yes, I hope that's alright?"

"Well... I guess so? If you say it is..." I knew Judith meant that I was her nurse, so I knew what was best, but the reliance on me was palpable. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out an elastic cloth band. A little plush lamb face was sewn onto the front. I gave it to Judith and she looked at it with uncertainty.

"Uh... what is it?"

"It goes on your wrist," I said brightly. "Here, let me show you."

I took her hand in mine and gently slipped the band onto her wrist. It looked like it was made for a toddler, but it wasn't. It was made for a baby.

"Thank you?" she said, more like a question.

"Shake it," I said, shaking my own arm as an example. As confused as ever, she mirrored me. When she shook the wristband, it made a sloshing sound like ocean waves. It had taken me a while to find the right kind of bean to make that particular noise.

"Now you can keep your safe place with you, even when I'm not around," I explained.

"Right, but..." Judith looked at the baby rattle on her arm and then up at me. I could see the conflict in her eyes. I'd given her a baby toy, but it was a thoughtful gift. So she faked a smile and said, with a little more confidence this time: "Thank you."

Her response could have run the entire spectrum of emotions, from outrage to outpouring of tears, but I'd nailed that sweet spot right in the middle.

"Good girl. Manners are important," I encouraged.

I could tell that Judith was unhappy. She kept playing with the rattle on her wrist, picking at it with her other hand. I'm sure treating her like a child wasn't helping, it wouldn't do me any good for her to dwell on that right now.

"Let's start our lessons."

Goal three: she wanted to fix her reading and writing. She took her usual seat at the kitchen island and I got one of my wall markers. We had worked on her alphabet for a few days until she realized the symbols I was using didn't correlate to letters. Even if she tried to copy the symbols, I would read them as gibberish. Now we were working on words.

I scribbled some shapes on the wall by the kitchen counter. I pointed at them with the marker.

"What does this say?" I asked.

"I dunno..." Judith looked away. She hated her lessons, because to her it was a guessing game. She had a one in a million chance of getting it right, and she hadn't gotten one right yet. She never would, because the symbols I was drawing were nonsense.

"Remember what we talked about," I said warmly, like the sun on her beach. "We can't know what's working and what isn't if you don't try. Please, Judith? For me?"

Judith looked up at me and I watched color fill her cheeks. Then she looked at the wall and back down at the empty sheet of lined paper in front of her.

"Laundry," she mumbled.

"Um... not quite..." I looked at the wall and faked a smile. "It says 'Storm', but that was close!"

"It wasn't close at all," Judith said sharply, crossing her arms and causing her rattle to make noise.

"Of course it was," I said. I took a few steps over to her and leaned over the edge of the counter. I had worn a low-cut top just for this purpose. Then I reached forward, put a finger under Judith's chin, and guided her eyes into mine. My painted lips were only a foot from hers. I watched her rate of breathing speed up and her cheeks take on more color.

"Laundry is something you worry about during a storm," I explained softly, only a foot or so away. "Your reading seems somewhat relational, and that's important to know. Isn't that right?"

"I... guess..." Judith tried to look down again, but her eyes only got to my chest before I tilted her chin up again.

"Trust your instincts, Judith," I smiled. Then I traced my fingers up her jaw and cupped her cheek with my hand. And for no reason other than because I could, I kissed her gently on the forehead. It left a tiny bit of lipstick on her skin.

"Let's try again," I said, standing up straight before Judith could say anything at all. I went back over to the wall, erased the word, and wrote another.

Judith was cooperative throughout the lesson. Each time she said a word, I picked a word that was tangentially related. I made sure to emphasize that discovery. Then I wrote a new word on the wall.

"This one?" I asked.

"Uh..." Judith's hesitance was interesting. I tapped the wall with my marker.

"C'mon, Judith. Instincts, remember?"

"Well, I'm not sure," she said quietly, "but... is it your name? Maria?"

It was my name. Not by any standards of the English alphabet, but I'd been practicing all night. The shape of my nonsense formed my name, if you looked at it quickly. And then, when you took a closer look, it seemed like an optical illusion. But I didn't tell Judith any of that. I looked at the wall, back at her, and then away from both of them.

"No," I said slowly, a hint of awkwardness in my voice. "Um... that one was probably a fluke." I waved my hand dismissively.

"A fluke?" Judith blinked. "What does it say?"

I looked at Judith for a moment and faked a smile. I had managed to bring a bit of color to my cheeks by thinking about something embarrassing that happened in high school.

"It says 'Love'," I said awkwardly. Judith looked absolutely mortified, so I quickly added: "Maybe we're barking up the wrong tree with the relational thing."

"Y-yeah... probably..." Judith and I were both silent for another ten seconds, ten of the longest seconds of her life I'd bet. Then I said:

"Well, I think that's all for today. I'll let you relax now."

"Yeah, um. See you tomorrow." Judith got up from the kitchen island, her face as red as a tomato. She quickly made her way to the sofa and turned on the TV. She hit play on whatever DVD was in the player. I victoriously packed up my things. Everything went exactly the way I wanted it to!

But as I was standing in the foyer, with one hand on the door knob, I looked back at the sofa. I could just barely see the back of Judith's head as she slouched down. I should have just left. I don't know what I was thinking. But that story from high school that I thought of to make myself blush... was that how Judith felt? I should have just left, I really should have. But I went over to Judith and sat down next to her instead.

"Hey," I said softly. "I want you to know that it's okay. I'm the only person here that you even get to talk to; of course you like seeing me. It's probably one of the highlights of your day, right?"

Judith didn't answer, but I kept talking anyway.

"If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way. So, don't worry about it. We're good. There won't be any weirdness, I promise."

She silently watched TV.

"Okay?" I asked. I waited a while to see if she'd respond. I hated waiting in that awkward pause. I was supposed to be the one making them for her to stew in, not the other way around! So when I finally got fed up with it, I sighed and stood up. It was probably only thirty seconds or something.

"Okay," Judith muttered just before I turned to leave. "No weirdness."

I smiled, but Judith didn't catch it. She was still pretending to watch the movie.

"See you tomorrow," I said brightly.

[Bonsai]

With each mistake, comes a lesson. The two I got from this are:

1. No matter how good you are at mistifications, truth remains the most powerful weapon.

2. Relationships and emphatic binds go two ways.

[Mia Moore]

Uhhuh!  I don't think every mistake has a lesson tied up in it, but I do think each "mistake" is a chance for growth and learning.  I think that Maria is saying these things are "mistakes" is also really important.  Like, maybe she can grow too??  That's my thoughts anyway.  

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Five

I did some damage with that one. I wanted her to realize she liked me all on her own, but my empathy nudged her onto a different path. As far as Judith was concerned, her affection for me was ordinary for someone in her situation. After trying all week to fix it myself, I had no choice but to use the marker again.

When I opened the door to Judith's space that day, I knew she expected the usual. She was becoming reliant on the normality of routine, even if her frustration bubbled over here and there. And so I also knew that change would bring discomfort. Today's change wouldn't come in the form of different activities, or different settings, or different rules; it would come in the form of a different me. Well, my outfit, anyway.

As I strode across the room to where she sat, I didn't give her the chance to react or respond to my appearance. Instead, I uncapped the marker and touched it to her forehead. Her shoulders deflated like a leaky balloon. Her eyes were glossy, half-closed, unfocused and empty. I knew her mind was the same, like a blinking cursor on a command prompt. Waiting for input. And so I'd give her what her brain needed.

If I used the marker to make Judith hot for me all of a sudden, she might realize something was wrong. It was just too coincidental, too well-timed. Too obvious. But if I helped her unearth a fixation for something she could associate with me… that was a Trojan horse. Make her hot for how I looked, to develop and nurture her feelings for me.

So there I stood, clad in the very image of a "hot nurse" ensemble. The uniform itself was short skirted, with tall boots and lots of white.  It was the kind of thing you'd buy at a Halloween store.  It was the kind of thing I did buy at a Halloween store.

I felt stupid, but I'd worn stupider things before, especially for this job. I could have just set the marker to give her a kink or something; that wasn't so hard. But doubling down and using myself as the example was more efficient. If I only got nine or ten uses out of the marker, I wasn't about to waste another one. And it's not like she'd remember anyway.

I leaned down and tilted Judith's eyes up at me. They were wide, but they were unfocused. It was like she was looking right through me. I took a few steps back and turned in place, showing off every inch of the silly little nurse's outfit. Then I checked my watch. This better work...

When Judith blinked her eyes open, I wasn't there. As far as she knew, I hadn't even come in. She probably assumed she just spaced out for a second. The human mind is so malleable, ready to accept anything.

When I came into the beach house for the second time, I didn't rush. I lulled by the door and set my papers down on the kitchen countertop. Judith looked back at me from her place on the sofa and did a double take. I wasn't wearing that stupid outfit, but I was dressed differently. Today I was in pink scrubs.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Judith. I had a patient to attend to." Not a lie. "How are you feeling today? Should we skip meditation and get straight to business?"

I looked up at Judith, who was still eyeing me from the sofa. I couldn't tell if she was just disconcerted by my change of attire or if she was interested.

"Well?" I asked, and Judith snapped out of it. She stood up quickly and hurried over to the kitchen.

"You look different," she said. Her cheeks were a little pink, so I assumed the marker had done what it was supposed to.

"Oh, this? I'm sorry... I usually try to look presentable for you, but time got away from me."

"Me...?" Judith asked, a little surprised.

"Well, I don't want you to see me as just a nurse, I suppose," I mused, organizing my clipboard. "I mean, I'm your case worker too. I'm your lifeline. I consider you a friend, and I hope the same goes for you."

"I, uh..." Judith nodded her head. "I do."

"So, wearing scrubs to work is a little distancing, you know?"

"Right..." Judith nodded again. She was a little distracted, still looking at my clothes. She didn't take the bait. So I tried again.

"Though, I must admit..." I lamented, "changing clothes is a lot of work... and some of my days are so busy..."

"Oh, uh. Well, you don't have to," Judith said.

There we go.

"I mean, we're friends already, right?" she went on. "And if it's such a hassle..."

"Are you sure?" I asked, tilting my head. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know this is a hospital, but I try to make it feel homey."

"You do! It is!" Judith was flustered. It was kind of cute.

"Well... alright, if you're insisting." I smiled softly. "Thank you for understanding, Judith. I really appreciate you."

"No problem," she said, twirling the tip of her hair. It was something she did when she was nervous, and I hadn't seen it much lately.

Over the next few days, I continued to wear my scrubs to visit her. She would gaze longingly at me when she thought I wasn't looking, and she would get flustered when I got too close. When I reminded her to take her medication, I could see her heart skip a beat.  Everything was back on track. I waited another week to be sure.

Judith's reading was getting better, or at least I was pretending it was. She would sometimes get the first letter right, or she'd pick a word that rhymed with the made up word. Our rhythm was perfect, and we had grown a lot closer. It was time.

I went to her panel and toyed with the climate control. Not every room in the Memoriam was so easy to manipulate, but Judith had chosen a beach house. It had heat and air conditioning. I turned the heat up to 85 and disconnected the thermostat. I set a timer for an hour and went to get some lunch. When I came into Judith's room, it was hot. I'd been training my body for the past few days to make sure I didn't start sweating too. If I did, it would ruin everything.

"Maria?" Judith sat up on the sofa and looked over at me. She was sweating and the collar of her shirt was wet around the neck.

"Oh my goodness, you look flushed - are you feeling okay?" I made sure that my hurried movements towards her seemed full of the compassion expected of a nurse. I immediately placed the back of my hand against her forehead, while my other hand fished around in my pocket for a thermometer.

"I'm fine," Judith whined. "It's just hot in here."

"Really?" I said, tilting my head. "It's actually kind of cold..." I clicked the button on the thermometer and put it to Judith's lips. "Open."

"I'm fine," Judith sulked. "It's the thermostat."

"Open," I said again, sterner this time. She listened. I put the thermometer under her tongue and went to check the thermostat.

"Judith, it's 65 degrees in here!" I quickly turned the dial up to 71, knowing it wouldn't do anything at all.

"It wouldn't go low—"

"Mouth closed," I interrupted. "I want that thing to get an accurate reading."

Judith grumbled and sunk into the couch. The thermometer beeped and I took it from Judith's mouth. I took one look at it then showed her for proof. 101.5, just the way I set it up.

"I feel fine," Judith sulked, but I could see her cheeks were a little redder since I'd come in. I turned off the thermometer and shook my head.

"I'm not taking any chances. We still need to know what happened to you, remember? Maybe this has something to do with that... either way, no lessons until you're healthy. And I'll be taking care of you until then."

"Maria," Judith whined.

"No. Shush. This is best for both of us. Now stay there while I get you some medicine. Would you prefer a shot, or something you swallow?" Both would be appealing to her, after what the marker had done.

"I'm guessing that you won't listen if I say I'm fine again?" Judith said sourly.

"I will not," I smiled.

"Pills, then..." Judith sunk back down into the couch. Despite her protests, I thought she was enjoying herself.

"Okay, you wait right here and I'll be back as quick as I can. You poor thing; I'm going to take good care of you, baby girl." And with that little term of affection, I left through the main door.

I'd planned all this in advance, so the medications I needed were right outside. Two little pills that would make her a lot sicker than she was now. Issues regulating temperature, fuzzy thoughts, a bit of muscle weakness. She'd sleep it off, and tomorrow everything would be back to normal. Unless everything went according to plan. I scheduled the thermostat to go back to normal in 20 minutes. That should be enough time for the meds to kick in.

"You're seriously not hot?" Judith asked when I came back with a plastic cup of two pills and a paper cup of water.

"I think I'm hot sometimes," I teased. "Not as hot as you though."

Judith stared blankly at me and her cheeks took on some color.

"Your temperature," I explained. "Though you are rather attractive too."

"Not right now I'm not..." Judith mumbled, looking at her sweat-soaked shirt.

"On the contrary," I said plainly, "I like taking care of people. That's why I'm a nurse. So you being sick doesn't make you any less attractive to me."

"Thanks... I think..." Judith wouldn't make eye contact with me as she took the pills. She finished the cup of water and I took both of them to the trash can in the kitchen.

"Good girl."

It was so interesting watching a fixation bloom in someone when it wasn't one before. It was like spilling red wine on a white bedsheet and watching it slowly spread and ooze and taint the purity with crimson. So too had I done that to Judith. I could almost see the edges of her identity taking the color from my words.

Half an hour later, the beach house felt a lot better. Or, it did for me anyway. Judith was whimpering on the sofa and sweating through her clothes. I got her some water and tried to keep her distracted, but I knew nothing was going to help her right now.

"You alright?" I asked.

"I'm... maybe sick," Judith finally admitted.

"You don't say," I laughed. But Judith whined a little and I quickly apologized. I could tell her head was already fuzzy from the medicine. So I made a move.

"I should give you a proper examination," I said coolly. "We don't know if your sickness has something to do with what happened to you."

"That was weeks ago," Judith dismissed.

"Trust me," I said. "It's worth checking out."

I watched Judith's eyes dart up at me, then away. Her face was a little pale, but her cheeks were still red.

"What do you mean by examination?" she asked.

"I mean, we're going to go to your room and I'm going to check you out. Come on."

I didn't leave room for argument. I took Judith by the hand, like a child, and led her into the downstairs bedroom she had been using. First point of call: getting her out of those sweat-soaked clothes.

"Arms up, baby girl."

"Wait, what?" Judith did not put her arms up.

"Your clothes are soaked through," I explained. "And I need to examine you."

"You need to take my clothes off to examine me?" she asked, incredulously.

"Have you never been to a doctor?" I teased. She blushed a little deeper.

"This is so unnecessary..." she sighed.

"Better safe than sorry, Judith."

She raised her arms and I pulled the shirt off over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra, and quickly covered her bare chest.

"No need to be shy," I assured her. "I'm a professional." I knew those words would only serve to make her blush more. I was a professional she happened to have a kink for.

"You're such a good patient, you know? Once you get out of your own way. It makes my job much easier." I winked at her, pretending I didn't notice just how pronounced her blushing was, and tossed her shirt over by the door.

"Alright, let's start with your top half before moving on," I said. "I'm going to check your thyroid glands, as well as several places around your chest and neck for swelling or heat. Do you have any questions?"

"I... guess not..."

Her face was hot and her brain was slow. I could have done anything to her in that moment and she probably would have agreed. But I needed her to take the initiative. I needed this to be her fault.

So I sat her on the edge of the bed and started feeling around her jaw and her neck. Then I grabbed my stethoscope from my bag, something I had brought back in with her medicine. I put it in my ears and pressed it to her back.

"Deep breath. Good. One more. Good." Then I moved to her front. "Could you lower your arms for me?"

"No," Judith said confidently, but her cheeks were on fire and she couldn't make eye contact.

"Judith. Let me do my job. I'm your nurse." I could see those last three words ringing in her ears. Echoing. She slowly lowered her arms.

I'd actually never seen Judith naked before. I wasn't there for her intake, and I didn't really scan the video footage of her changing clothes. Though she was a bit younger than me, she wasn't exceptionally beautiful. But undressed, she was much more attractive. Her skin was soft and smooth, and her breasts were round and full and perky.

"Deep breath," I said, pressing the stethoscope above one of her breasts. "Good. One more."

When I was done, Judith covered her chest again. But she wasn't the same. Her breathing was a little shallow, and she wouldn't look up at me. I gave her another "good girl" and pulled her to her feet.

"Pants next," I said.

"You've gotta be joking..." Judith muttered, but she didn't argue any further than that. She slid her pants to her ankles and stood there in just a pair of pink polka dot panties that I'd ordered for her.

"Lay down for me, on your back, arms at your sides."

"What kind of exam is…" Judith feebly mumbled, turning her head to avoid eye contact. But she complied and that part was the important part.

"I'm just going to be putting my hands on your body now, examining you, checking you, just doing my nurse duties. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Do I have a choice?" Judith asked.

"You do not," I smiled. She didn't want me to stop anyway. So I began my examination. I started with her feet.

"Can you feel this?"

"Yes..."

"Which side?"

"Left..."

"And now?"

"Right..."

I moved up to her calves, squeezing them in places and checking the muscles. Truthfully, I was operating on a lot of YouTube videos rather than actual experience. It didn't matter though; Judith wouldn't know the difference. Then I got to her thighs. I ran my fingers up the insides, spreading her legs a little, until I got to her panties. They were a little damp between the legs. I could feel her breaths through every part of her body.

"Have you used the bathroom today?" I asked.

"I... yes? Um... when I got up..."

"Have you been having any accidents?"

"What? No!" Judith almost sat up but my hands on her thighs kept her still.

"Hm, alright. Your underwear seems a little wet, but perhaps that's just the fever."

It wasn't the fever. We both knew it. She was aroused by me being so close to her. With my examination of her body. With my scrubs, my thermometer, my stethoscope. I bent her knees for her and spread her legs, checking her range of motion. Then I stretched each leg above her head, kind of like I was changing her diaper. And when I was done, I prompted her to roll over. She was speechless as I explored her with my hands. Pressure on certain parts. Moving her, like a doll. Tender touches and asking "how does that feel". She was melting into the bedsheets and I could hear the labor of her breaths in the quiet bedroom.

"I suppose while I have you here on your belly, I should take a more accurate reading of your temperature..." I let those words hang in the air and marinate in her brain; I let her soak them up the way her panties soaked up her arousal. But her brain wasn't registering what I was saying, or at least it wasn't until I had her bending her knees under her body with her butt high in the air. I took the rectal thermometer out of my bag and slathered the end in lube. Then, as I pulled down the seat of her underwear, she fell to the side and looked up at me in shock.

"What are you..." Her eyes fell on the thermometer in my gloved hands.

"Taking your temperature?" I said, more like a question. "I told you this."

"Oh no way! Absolutely not!"

"Judith," I said seriously. "I'm your nurse. I feel this is medically necessary. If you don't want me to do this, I won't. But I feel like it's important that I do."

Any sane person would have said no. My logic was flawed, and it fell solely on her trusting me. But there was more to this exchange than just her health. What I was suggesting was med kink personified; a violation of her body for examination purposes. And her brain was too slow to shut down her libido. The conflict in her eyes was palpable. But I waited patiently.

"Is it going to hurt?" she muttered.

"Not at all," I promised. "Just do as you're told and things will be just fine."

I could see the regret on Judith's face. She didn't want to! But she flipped back over onto her knees so her bottom was in the air again.

"Good girl," I praised.

I wondered if Judith had ever had anything up her butt before; after all, she was a healthy and somewhat attractive adult woman.  I wondered if anal was more common with people in the med fet scene.  In another lifetime, I would have done a study on that.  In this lifetime, I gently slid the long, thin, and so cold glass rod into Judith's ass.

Judith shivered and whimpered, so I cooed at her.

"Shh... good girl... you're doing so good for me. Only a little deeper..."

I pushed the thermometer further into her, and I could tell by the way she whined that it wasn't completely unpleasant.

"Just stay like this for a few minutes," I said cheerily, patting her on the lower back.

They were the longest few minutes of Judith's life, I was sure. Probably also because I waited twice as long as I should have. I would sometimes poke at the thermometer or push it a little further in, just to remind her of the state she was in. Then, finally, I slid the thermometer out at the slowest pace any human could. I was the Apple Unboxing of medical play. When the thermometer was out of her bottom, she collapsed onto the bed. She was shivering in place and I held the rod up to the light.

"Yeah, you definitely have a fever."

"Mm..." Judith was face down in the mattress, so I rubbed her back.

"That's a good girl. I'm so proud of you, Judith." We stayed like that for a few minutes, but I didn't want her to come down from her feelings of arousal. Thankfully, as I rolled her back over, I was blessed with a new opportunity.

"Oh no..." I rubbed my finger along the bedsheets, where a small wet patch had darkened the fabric. "It looks like you wet yourself a little."

"What?" Judith struggled to sit up. It looked like her muscles were at their limit. She saw the wet spot and quickly tried to explain. "No, I didn't! That's—"

She froze. I tilted my head curiously.

"That's what?" I asked.

She sat mortified, staring at the spot on the bed, and then down at her soaked panties. She knew what it was, and she certainly hadn't wet herself. But if she admitted that...

"I don't know," she lied. Her cheeks were burning red.

"Well, I can't think of any other explanation. It's probably just because you're sick; I wouldn't be too worried if I were you." After all, it's not like she had any choice, did she now?

"I should change," Judith said dizzily, half overwhelmed with fuzzy sick brain and half overwhelmed with embarrassment.

"I'll take care of it," I said quickly. "You're the patient, after all. I should move you to another bed, but you aren't looking well enough for the stairs. So I'll get a towel."

Judith fell back onto the sheets, but she didn't argue with me. The more she talked about wetting the bed, the more likely it was to come to light what had actually happened. Funnily enough, bedwetting was the least embarrassing option for her.

I left Judith's beach house and went down the corridor to the supply station. Academy M was well and truly stocked with diapers; the perks of running a regression facility. I knew diapers were in Judith's future since before I met her, but this opportunity was serendipitous. I passed over some of the more babyish prints and found a medical diaper someone had ordered from an actual supply store. It had blue lines and a yellow wetness indicator. I wouldn't have used them with anyone else, but Judith was unique.

I brought a stack of five back to the bedroom, along with a waterproof pad, a towel, and a gown. Judith looked at me when I came in, but her eyes were too unfocused to realize what I was doing. I lifted her legs for her, like a baby, and slid the towel under her. Then the waterproof mat.

"My clothes are in the dresser," she explained, pointing at the far side of the room. The fact that she hadn't gotten up and changed herself was telling.

"I brought clothes for you," I said warmly. "But first, I need to put you in some protective underwear, okay? Just in case."

"Protective... what?" Judith didn't understand, not until I started unfolding one of the medical diapers in front of her.

"Wait, hold on!" She tried to sit up again, but this time her muscles failed her. She slipped back into the sheets. Those pills were working wonders.

"It's just a precaution," I said plainly, like this was the most normal thing in the world. "Though, I really don't want you getting out of bed right now so it might come in handy."

Judith quickly shook her head and tried to roll over. She cared so much about keeping her bare breasts covered only minutes ago, but now it was like she didn't even realize she was topless.

"I'm fine," she argued. "It was just a little accident. I can get to... the bathroom... on my own." The longer sentences were exhausting her and she had to take breaths every few words.

"If that's true, then this will be dry when I come to check on you, won't it?"

I loved logic traps. I loved the look in a person's eyes when they knew just how trapped they were.

"But... I don't..." Every single protest from Judith exhausted her, and each notch of exhaustion made my job easier.

"This is standard procedure," I said, trying to add a bit of professionalism to my words. "You had a little accident. As your nurse, I'm going to put you in this protective underwear. Please don't be embarrassed, Judith. These are made for medical problems like this."

Procedure. Nurse. Medical. All words that would appeal to her interests. I didn't say anything humiliating, instead leaning into her arousal. Her cheeks were warm and red.

"I don't like this," she said, but that wasn't an argument. That was a concession.

"Good girl," I said happily. Then I lifted her legs like a baby and slid the diaper under her butt.

I'd sure had enough experience diapering other adults, but Judith was my first real charge. I could have done it fast, but I dragged out the diapering for as long as I could. Each movement was precise, each tape was loud, each tug on the plastic made an audible crinkle. And when I was done, the diaper was perfectly on her hips.

In training, we used to say that an adult always remembers their first diapering, but when it came to the Academy and to candidates, it was hard to say what would ever be remembered or forgotten. I hoped for the rest of her life, Judith remembered that moment.

Diapers weren't my thing. The whole age regression bit we played with at the Academy was practical, not personal. It was in part my idea. But Judith's submission, laying there in just a diaper, was actually kind of hot. But my libido didn't control me like Judith's did.

"How does that feel?" I asked.

"Fine," Judith muttered. She tried to close her legs and failed miserably. I knew diapers weren't Judith's thing either, but it was just a part of her new ensemble. There was a private war going on inside Judith's head, her arousal battling with her pride. But while she fought herself, it meant she had less opportunity to fight with me.

"Let's get you dressed then," I said, unfolding the hospital gown. It wasn't cute or comfortable, but it was the perfect outfit to match her diaper.

I sat Judith up and threaded her arms into the gown. I tied it around her neck in the back and helped her lay down on the bed again. She didn't argue even once, but she couldn't look at me either. I got her a glass of water, which she finished very quickly. She was hot, and I knew she was dehydrated. I got her a second glass, and put it on her bedside. Every ten minutes or so, I'd urge her to drink it. I put a cool, wet rag on Judith's forehead. I'd come in and flip it every so often. I would replace it with a new cool one when that one was too warm.

Judith tried to sleep, but I kept interrupting. I was in and out of her room every five minutes and she was starting to grow uncomfortable. She needed rest to feel better, and I wasn't giving it to her.

Our routine went on for most of the day. She was deliriously tired, but each time I coddled her, her cheeks would get red and warm. I did another examination of her body, never once touching her diaper or making her feel uncomfortable for what she was wearing.

"You should rest," I said again. I'd said it a dozen times already.

"I'm... trying..." she mumbled. Then she tried to sit up, which was spectacularly unsuccessful.

"What do you need, Judith? I'll get it. Anything for my favorite little patient."

Favorite little patient.  I saw the light in her eyes at those words, even in her sleepy delirium. But she shook her head.

"Bathroom..."

"Hm..." I looked at her and gave it serious consideration. Or, I looked like I did. There was no way she was getting out of that diaper. "I really don't think it's good for you to get up right now."

"But... I need…"

"You know that I'd never do anything that isn't in your best interests, don't you?" I lied. "I'd never lead you astray," I lied. "And it is my professional medical opinion that I think you should stay in bed. You can barely sit, let alone stand. I just want what's best for you, Judith." I lied.

Judith whined. She didn't like this, but I could tell that my words had won. I wanted to push a little, but I could tell Judith was at her limit. So I let it be. It was almost an hour later when Judith said my name.

"Maria..."

"Nurse Maria," I corrected. It was a joke, but her cheeks took on a deeper shade of red. And they were already quite red.

"Nurse... Maria..." she repeated, a little breathless.

"Yes, my favorite little patient?"

"Could... you... uh..."

She tried to sit up again, and when it failed, she pointed to the front of her gown. To her crotch. To her diaper.

"Ah, yes. Of course, Judith." I had been taking five minute breaks in the living room for the past hour, giving her time to use her diaper if she needed it. I didn't check her; I let her come to me. And she did.

Neither of us said a word about it as I lifted her gown and untaped her diaper. She was soaked. I was glad the diaper didn't leak; it would have made it harder to rationalize changing her into a fresh one. I balled up the soggy diaper and took out a pack of baby wipes. Slowly, as slowly as I did anything else with Judith's body, I began wiping her clean. I started at the back, under her butt. Then I moved between her legs, exploring each fold of her vagina with the wipe.

"Mmm..." Judith twisted a little on the bed in her haze. She tried to pull away, but she pushed her hips into my hand. I remained oblivious, thoroughly and tenderly cleaning her up as if it was the most normal thing in the world. When I was done, Judith was out of breath. She couldn't even hide it in the state she was in. I unfolded a fresh diaper and lifted her legs again.

I taped her in the fresh diaper and lowered her gown. She was so turned on, that much was obvious. But I needed her mind off the diaper and onto something else. So I grabbed my stethoscope and crawled into bed with her, lying on my side so that I was hovering over her. She looked at me with confusion.

"I'm going to check your lungs again," I said. "I want to make sure nothing has changed."

"Mmm... okay..." I unsnapped the shoulder snaps on Judith's gown, so I could reach my hand underneath and press the cold metal to her bare breast. All the while, I hovered over her, my face only inches from hers. When I turned to face her, loose hairs fell around my face and hers. I was wearing my shiniest lipstick.

"Breathe."

She breathed. It was short.

"Good."

I moved the stethoscope to another part of her chest.

"Breathe."

She breathed, looking up into my eyes.

"Good."

I moved the stethoscope near her nipple. I watched her shiver.

"Breathe," I whispered.

Her breath caught in her throat and she had to do it again. Then I moved the stethoscope to her heart and listened to it race. Her eyes flashed from my eyes to my painted lips. I was so close to her, the stethoscope in my ears, and she was lying there in her medical diaper and her hospital gown. And I knew she was about to do something stupid. After an entire day of teasing and torturing her, after hours of delirious exhaustion and arousal, she was about to act without thinking. This time, it was Judith who made a mistake.

She leaned up and kissed me square on the lips.

[christi]

Yummy, thanks for sharing.

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Six

"Oh... no. I... I'm sorry..." Judith shook her head, but I stopped it with my finger on her chin.

"Don't be sorry," I whispered, and I leaned in to kiss her again.

After a dozen kisses, after she was aching with arousal, I pulled away sheepishly.

"I... shouldn't be doing this..." I mumbled, looking away from Judith. "I just thought you were so cute, and... I've liked you for a while..."

"I've... liked you... too..." Judith said between breaths.

"But I'm your nurse..." I watched Judith's neediness multiply.

"I dun' care," she whined.

"But, if anyone found out..."

"They won't." Judith was the one trying to be reassuring, as if she had any control. She was so out of control that she didn't even realize how eager she was acting. It was adorable.

"Maybe we should wait until you're better before we talk about this," I said nervously. "I don't want to take advantage of you." The irony.

"I... but..." Judith squirmed and whimpered.

Judith looked like she might die of heartbreak. She was so lost in everything that was happening, in the whole scenario I'd so carefully crafted, that getting out of it seemed impossible. So I gave her one final kiss on the forehead and brushed her cheek with my hand.

"Get some rest, Judith. I'll check on you in a little bit."

Then I left Judith alone. I peeked my head in after a few minutes, wondering if maybe she had decided her arousal was too much to ignore, but the girl was sound asleep. I left the remaining diapers on her dresser, packed up my things, and left.

Judith slept through the night. I wasn't surprised; the medication took a long time for the body to process. I decided to wait until our usual meeting time before going to see her again. She needed time for her mind to process too.

When I entered the beach house through the foyer, Judith was sitting at the kitchen island. She was writing something on paper, maybe practicing more notes for her dad. I faked a smile and approached a little less confidently than I usually would.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning," she said back.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Mmhmm... a little tired." She would only glance up at me for a moment before returning to her letter.

"Should we... talk?" I asked, leaning in a little closer.

"If you wanna..." Judith shrugged. So it seemed like she was going to play it cool.

"I do," I said confidently. "Let's go over to the sofa."

Judith nodded her head and got up from the stool at the kitchen. Curiously, Judith waited for me to sit down before she did… maybe waiting for a direction, or an instruction? I couldn't be 100% certain. And that was okay; today was more about active engagement than passive observations anyway.

"So, where to begin..."

"It was a mistake," Judith interrupted. "I was sick and exhausted; I wasn't thinking."

"That's true... but I don't want to lie to you," I lied. "I do like you. I do think you're attractive. And charming. And..." With a deep sigh, I looked down at my hands. She was still standing up.

"Maybe I shouldn't be your nurse anymore," I mumbled.

"No!" Judith shouted. "I'm not... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make this weird, and... last night... I don't know what I was thinking. Fuck."

Huh. I'd never heard Judith say fuck before. It actually caught me a little off guard.

"Hey, it's alright," I reassured her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I kissed you," she said flatly, twirling her hair nervously.

"True... but I'm the professional. You're my patient. I should have better self-control."

"I like that you didn't have self-control," Judith muttered. She looked down at her feet and crossed her arms. We were both quiet for a moment. She didn't know what to do and I was pretending I didn't know what to do. Until finally, I asked:

"What do you want?"

"I... don't want you to leave..." Judith muttered. "Even if that means we have to..."

"Behave?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yeah..." Judith clearly didn't like that idea.

"I have a hard time when I'm around you," I lied again. "I get ahead of myself. I don't do what's best for you."

"You've always done what's best for me."

"Not last night. I knew you were into me, and when I saw the wet spot on the bed..."

Judith froze. Her cheeks took on a new shade of pink.

"Nevermind," I quickly dismissed. "This isn't something I should be talking to a patient about."

"I wanna know," Judith urged. "I want to know everything about you..."

I looked at Judith. She looked back at me. I was a little awestruck by that look in her eye. Her determination was in a league of its own.

"I suppose nothing I say would be as damaging to my reputation as kissing a patient," I sighed. "Can you please sit down though?"

Judith sat down. Then I stood up and crossed my arms. A defensive posture. Then I remembered some stuff that made my cheeks pink. I looked every bit the embarrassed woman with a secret.

"I knew you didn't have an accident, Judith. Last night."

Judith didn't know if she was supposed to be more embarrassed about that, or less embarrassed. So she just sat there watching me.

"I saw that wet spot on the bed, and I thought... I could use that as an excuse..."

"An excuse for what?" Judith asked. She looked so confused.

"I have a bit of a thing... for, like... ageplay."

"Uh... like..."

"Like diapers," I admitted, looking at my feet in mock shame. "I like being in charge. I liked seeing you so needy like that... and I shouldn't have brought my kink into our professional relationship."

Judith was quiet for a long time, trying to process what I'd just said. Truthfully, none of the Academies deployed tactics like this. They were so 'big picture' that the emotional one on one I developed with Judith was out of the question. The most a candidate like her should ever feel for a staff member is deep reliance. Maybe even love, in the form of that reliance. But romance? It had a tiresome upkeep. Too inefficient, too expensive.

"Okay..." Judith was still processing, but I thought maybe it was best to interrupt her.

"I understand if you don't trust me anymore," I said, though I knew without a doubt she still did. I'd built her trust in me deeper than anything else.

"That's not it," Judith said plainly. "I'm just... trying to figure out how I feel about it. Wearing diapers for you."

Wait, what?

"I mean, I like you," Judith shrugged. "You like that. I dunno. It doesn't seem that bad..."

"Uh... right... but..." That wasn't what she was supposed to say. I was floundering.

"I know you're literally the only person in my life right now, so this might seem insincere," Judith said. "But I actually really like you. And if I like you, then I should try to like the things you like. Right?"

"I guess, but... we just met a few weeks ago. We just kissed, like... yesterday." I was actually bewildered. Was she playing me?

"So what?" Judith shrugged again. "I shouldn't have kissed you, but I did. So now we're here, and I like you a lot. That's what matters."

Well, that left me without another dot to connect to. Judith was supposed to be deeply conflicted, debilitatingly ashamed, wantonly needy and needily wanton. But she was speaking confidently, making her own decision. In my carefully built program of steps and checks, she was as out of balance as she could possibly be.

"I know you're my nurse, and I know it's probably wrong for you to... you know." Judith blushed a little. "But you should know that I don't leave room for regrets. If I do something, I do it all the way and I do it right. If something goes wrong, I wanna know I did my best."

This silence was real. Neither of us knew what to say. But when I look back on it, the answer was so obvious. To further my goals, the right answer was to use her determination to my advantage. But in the moment, I felt cautious.

"I want to think about it," I said. I let her put me on the back foot. I let her take control of the situation. And I didn't have an end game for this one. I just needed time to collect my thoughts.

"Okay..." Judith said, a little downtrodden. But she pulled a Maria and faked a smile. "Either way, it's okay. As long as you stay, I can behave. I promise."

"I believe you," I said, and I wasn't lying. When Judith said something, I believed her.

Out in the hallway, I slammed my hand into the wall as hard as I could. It left little red welts on my palm, which would turn into a bruise by the next day. Then I turned around and put my back to the wall.

What a huge misstep. If I tried to salvage the relationship now, it would put us on the same footing. We'd be equals. Girlfriends, or whatever. And if she felt like she had control, she would be dangerous. Not just to me, but to everything the Academy had built. If the Magistrate found out...

I shook my head and fumbled around in my pocket. I took the marker out and clipped it to the top of my tablet. Without a starting point — a finger snap or something — erasing memories had a lot less finesse. But I could use delta waves as the starting point. The cap on the marker turned blue and I slipped the marker back into my pocket. I put the tablet away and went back into Judith's beach house.

"Can you come with me a sec?" I asked.

"Uh..." Judith looked up from the couch and nodded her head. I led her into the downstairs bedroom and had her sit on the side of the bed.

"What's this about?" she asked.

"Nothing, just hold still a sec." I took the marker out, uncapped it, and touched it to her forehead. The confusion on her face quickly faded away and her eyes unfocused. A bit of drool slid out of the corner of her mouth. She was pliable in that state. I could move her around and she was more-or-less cooperative. She couldn't talk or think at all, not with this particular Touch. But I didn't need her to. I just needed to dress her in the hospital gown and a fresh diaper. Then, after tucking her into bed, I picked up the house to make it look the way it had before she'd woken up. I even added another diaper to the stack of diapers on her dresser.

When I was sure I'd replicated her environment correctly, I left the beach house and waited. My hands were shaking and I was sweating a little. I'd never used a Touch so flippantly before, and I worried what side-effects it might have had. But I triple checked my calculations, and they all seemed accurate.

"It'll be fine," I said to myself. But now I had to get to work on what to say to Judith...

When I entered the beach house through the foyer, Judith was sitting at the kitchen island. She was writing something on paper, maybe practicing more notes for her dad. I had thrown the other note away.  I faked a smile and approached a little less confidently than I usually would.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning," she said back.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Mmhmm... well rested." She would only glance up at me for a moment before returning to her letter. I stepped over to Judith and put my hand to her forehead. She stiffened noticeably, but she didn't recoil either.

"You feel okay," I said. "But I'll want to check your temperature after meditation."

"Meditation?" Judith asked. She was a little surprised, probably because I hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday. I could see the confusion in her eyes, as if she wondered if she imagined the whole thing.

"Of course," I said. "That's what we always do. And make sure to take your meds."

"Right..."

After Judith had her antidepressant, I led her through a guided meditation. I emphasized my presence. I made her remember that we were holding hands. I drew her brain to comfortable and familiar things, things between us. When we were done, I started lessons. Neither of us had talked about the kiss yet, and Judith was visibly uncomfortable. She lasted longer than I thought.

When we were done with the lesson for the day, and I was making us both sandwiches, she finally said: "Should we, um... talk?"

"Talk?" I asked, tilting my head.

"About... yesterday... about..."

It was so awkward. Well, for her anyway. I decided to offer her a reprieve.

"You mean, our kiss?" I asked.

"Y-yeah..." She looked down at her hands and kicked her feet on the little barstool.

"Well," I said thoughtfully, "you were quite sick. And you were quite adorable, all helpless like that..."

"Uh..." Judith glanced up at me for a second, then looked back down. Her cheeks took on a little bit of color.

"I will behave more professionally in the future," I said with a smile.

"Oh..." Judith looked at me for real, like she was looking for a clue on my face. But there wasn't one.

"You seem sad," I noticed.

"Well... no. I mean... uh... I'm just embarrassed, I think. That I let that happen..." Judith looked away again and played with her fingers in her lap.

"There's no need," I said warmly. "I really enjoyed it. I love being your nurse."

Judith was floored. I don't know if it was because I mentioned being her nurse, or I mentioned the word love, or I mentioned that I enjoyed kissing her, but she was downright speechless. I cut her sandwich in half and passed it across the counter.

She didn't push the issue any further than that and I didn't bring it up again. It was the perfect place to leave our relationship: uncertain. It opened a lot of doors for me, and only bred eagerness in her. It was a much better outcome than the first time around.

I left her alone in the kitchen of the beach house. It actually seemed like everything was going to work out. But then disaster struck in the form of a notification on my tablet.

E > We need to talk.

Fuck.

We met for coffee early the next morning in the cafeteria. The place was dead, because nobody worked in Academy M. It was self-sustaining, for the most part.

"How are things with #1?" Eli asked, sipping his coffee.

"Judith," I corrected him. "And things are progressing well."

"Pardon me. I've gone through fifteen hundred candidates this month; their names have begun to escape me."

"Wow... that's ahead of schedule." I was actually impressed.

"More good news," Eli said. "I think we have them all rounded up."

"Only fifteen hundred?" I asked, bewildered.

"1508."

"That's all? We'd planned for twice as many. This means..."

"It's a lot easier to find a needle in a haystack only half the size," Eli finished for me.

"So then why are you here?" I asked. "Not that I don't appreciate seeing you, but you've got to be swamped."

"I am," Eli said forlornly. "Which is exactly why I'm here..."

Uh oh.

"I need to assign you a new case," he said.

"Eli, I just got Judith wrapped around my finger. If I leave now, it will unravel all my hard work."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," Eli tried.

"No," I said sourly. "That's just a platitude we say to make it easier to leave things behind. And when Bayly wrote it, he was talking about a place, not a person."

"I can't put out all these fires on my own. Penny is deciphering the prophecies. Kenzō is updating Academy V after one of the candidates burned it to the ground."

"Wait, literally...?"

"Yes, literally."

"Well, fuck," I said. "You guys get to have all the fun, and I'm over here flirting with an angel. What about ———?"

"Don't get me fucking started," Eli said sharply. "She's been meeting with the Magistrate every day for a week."

Then Eli leaned forward and looked serious.

"I need you, Maria."

"Ugh. What's the assignment..."

I couldn't believe I was considering this. But if Judith wasn't a priority, then I shouldn't be wasted on her.

"We're transferring a candidate from Academy V," Eli said. "Penny is sure she's the Magician."

"Fear not the star, but the magician that sets it in the sky," I recited from memory. One of the prophecies.

"She's a magnet for trouble," Eli sighed. "And a magnet for Arcana too. Fate often has ideas of its own."

The prophecies were annoyingly vague. They were a lot like horoscopes - you could read into them any which way you wanted. But they did give us some information. The Magician was a symbol of action and resourcefulness. She would do things we never would have thought of, and show us things we never would have seen. The Magician was a great card to have in our spread. It was also one of the most dangerous.

"Does Penny know who Judith is yet?" I asked.

Without a doubt, Judith was an Arcana. She was the whole reason we could track the candidates, and Arcana were defined by their connections to destiny. There was no one in the world with more connection to destiny than Judith.

"No," Eli sighed. "She has a few ideas, but none of them make complete sense."

"Maybe she hasn't done the important thing yet?" I shrugged.

"What could possibly be more important than starting all this?" Eli asked.

"Ending it?" I offered.

"You think she's the Star?"

"Not a clue. But she continues to surprise me..." I took a long sip from my coffee.

"So what'll it be, Maria? Are you willing to take the assignment?"

"And get out of this graveyard?" I teased. "Yeah, I'm in."

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Seven

Saying goodbye to Judith was an ordeal. She even asked if our kiss was the reason I was leaving, which was something I wanted to avoid. I didn't want her cards on the table, but it felt like I was forcing her hand. Thankfully, she wouldn't remember any of it.

I had to hire a replacement to babysit her while I was away. He would take over her lessons, and I'd given him explicit instructions on how to keep her out of trouble.  All he had to do was stall for time, until I got back. Thankfully, she wouldn't remember any of that either.

I didn't arrive at Academy I until late the following night. I was exhausted, but Eli sent over a filing cabinet with reports on all the candidates - or Candies, I guess - and my curiosity got the best of me. Candies was a clever word; cute enough to identify with, and veiled enough to be misleading. I wished I had been the one to come up with it.

I sure didn't go through 1508 files (the number was printed on a card on the front of the cabinet), but I went through a few that mattered.

Ai Sinclair. Age 25. There was a photo in her file. Asian-American. Brown eyes. Long, dark hair. And that same blank expression every Candy had in their file. That picture was taken after the first Touch.

Next page. #1091. One of the newer ones? And she was already causing so much trouble. Likelihood: 61%. Anything over ten percent was a cause for concern. Penny didn't believe in 100%, not when it came to people. She always said "anything more likely than a coin toss is all but certain sooner or later".

I read on. Transferred from Academy V. Despite our attempts, we are unable to locate the Chariot. #1091 will find it for us.

Ah, right. The Chariot. In less cryptic terms: will. It was the one thing we couldn't control with the markers, so we needed to find the right candidate to be the will of the Academy. Ai might have been an Arcana magnet, but I didn't see how she would help us with that.

The final note in her file was "Watch her, and never let her near #254."

Interesting. I put Ai's file back in the cabinet and went looking for #254. Unfortunately, the whole cabinet was organized alphabetically by last name. It took me an hour to find the right one, in the last drawer.

Kione Williams. Age 27. Black. Brown eyes. Dark, curly hair. She was cute.

I flipped the page. #254. Likelihood: 92%. Fuck.

Transferred from Academy R. History of visual and auditory hallucinations. Disconnect with reality reduces the efficacy of Touches. The markers didn't work on her? Wow, Eli really did have his hands full.

I read on. Transferred from Academy B. Designated: High Priestess.

I didn't know tarot all that well, but Penny gave us all a crash course when the markers were handed out. I knew enough to get by. The High Priestess was the guardian of the subconscious. She was a teacher of hidden truths. The Magician was her counterpart, an embodiment of the tangible world. The power to create something real from nothing at all. If Ai was the Magician, it made sense that she wasn't allowed anywhere near Kione. Everything was really coming together, wasn't it? Everything we worked for... and it all came down to picking the right two people.

The next morning, I dressed in a white coat and put on my reading glasses. I wanted to look smart, like I knew what I was doing. Honestly though? I was just winging it.

"You know the rules?" one of the orderlies asked me.

"I do."

"If you need any help—"

"That won't be necessary," I said simply. The orderly nodded and let me into the warmly lit room. I looked down at the sleeping girl on the bed. She was wearing a pink shirt with puffy sleeves and had a diaper taped around her hips. She looked so helpless. This was going to be fun.

Her eyes flickered open. She saw me first. She looked at her surroundings. Then she tried to say something, but the pacifier between her lips kept her silent. She reached a trembling hand to her lips, but found the pacifier stuck in place.

"Easy there, munchkin," I cooed as her eyes flickered open. "Try not to move too much now, not while you're still coming to."

I watched her tug at the pacifier, but it was full of creamy pink liquid: a helpful little tool the Academy had at its disposal. I wouldn't have used it on Judith, but here things were different. Academy I wasn't about making friends.

"I'll be happy to remove your binkie," I said, watching her eyebrows pull together at the word 'binkie'. "But you need to promise you'll be good for me. Do you promise?"

Ai stared at me. Then she looked down at her outfit. At the diaper between her legs, decorated with baby blocks and teddy bears. When I saw her start to panic, I put my finger to the button of her pacifier and a few drops of that creamy pink liquid dripped into her mouth. Instantly, she calmed down and her eyes glossed over. So. Easy.

"Like any adjustment," I said, "this is going to take time. It's going to be scary at times, but the better you behave, the sooner it's going to become easy, and then normal. You can fight every step of the way, or you can lean into the help provided and be a good girl. Either way, the destination will be the same - only your journey will change."

I watched Ai's face contort with confusion. It didn't matter if she understood what I was saying; she would very soon. But she started to tug on her pacifier again. Such blatant disobedience. So I pushed the pacifier again and her eyes drooped.

"You have quite the resistance," I said, tilting my head. She must have had a lot of pink milk in Academy V - her tolerance was rather high. I snapped my fingers, took out the marker, and touched it to Ai's forehead. Academy I was all about memory and time manipulation; I could use the snap of my fingers to turn her consciousness on or off whenever I needed to. She was putty in my hands. Or so I thought.

I shouldn't have underestimated Ai Sinclair.

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Eight

I spent almost a month with Ai Sinclair. I did everything I could to break her down, to humiliate her, to make her dependent on me. By the end of it, she was. She truly wanted to be a good girl for me, for the Academy. I thought getting rid of her ability to ask a question would be enough. To even think of questions! But she was so fucking curious...

Ai wanted me to use the marker again, to make her helpless. To make her mine. But the markers didn't work like that. I couldn't take away the part of her she wanted to get rid of so desperately: herself.

I swiped the marker along her forehead and her body fell limply to the ground. I put the cap back on the marker and looked down at her lifeless, vacant eyes. That's ten, I thought. Eli was right. Nine or ten uses of the marker, and her consciousness was gone. Lost, drifting in whatever cosmic space consciousnesses goes to when it disconnects from the body.

Maybe I should have felt guilty, but I didn't. I was angry at her. I failed. She made me fail. I didn't want a reminder of that. I wanted her to stay braindead. But then I noticed a light in her eyes. A faint flicker, deep in her pupils. At first, I thought it was just a reflection. But when you work at the Academy long enough, you learn the difference between someone who's there and someone who isn't.

"Miss Porter?" the orderly asked nervously. "Should I put her in the Memoriam?"

Yes. I wanted her as a trophy. I wanted her locked away in one of the other cells, where she could never escape. I wanted to win.

"No..." I sighed, against my better instincts. Ai was the Magician. She still had a purpose to serve. "Start her over, somewhere new."

"Where?" The orderly was a little taken aback.

"I don't care," I said sharply. "She's not my problem anymore."

Eli and I had an argument over text. Resetting someone was easy; they'd done it with Ai once already. I could have stayed on her case, but I said no. I said I'd have her dead in the room next door, or alive on the other side of the world. Eli chose the latter.

When I returned to Academy M, I was met with a nice surprise. The nurse who took my place gave me a whole report on Judith in my absence, but one thing in particular stood out to me. I left three diapers on her dresser when I departed. When I came back, she had none. A shame she wouldn't remember any of it.

The next day, I entered Judith's beach house. When she looked at me, her eyes lit up like a thousand Christmas trees. She got to her feet, but she hesitated to come running over to me. We'd work on that. It was nice to be back in my element.

"I'm back," I said with a smile.

"It's nice to see you," Judith admitted sheepishly. I put my arms out for a hug and she looked at me awkwardly. But she moved toward me and slid into my arms. While I hugged her, I uncapped the marker and touched it to the back of her neck. Then I went about setting up the house the way it had been the month before, restocking the diapers on her dresser. I trimmed her nails and her hair, just a bit, and then did the same to mine. It took most of the day to be sure everything was perfect.

I left Judith alone for the rest of the day. From her perspective, I had only just left after talking about our kiss. The day after she was sick. I was gone an entire month and she would think I'd never left at all.

I watched on the screen as she inspected one of the diapers on her nightstand, as she played with the plastic, and ultimately she put it back. What an adventurous girl.

The next day, I entered Judith's beach house the same as I always did. It felt so momentous to me, but it was so routine for her. None of my progress had been undone.

"Good morning," I said warmly.

"Hey," she said with a small smile. "New glasses?"

Ah, fuck.  What a stupid mistake.

"I use them for reading," I quickly explained.

"Well, they're cute."

Then we were quiet. Awkwardness still hung between us. Uncertainty. Perfect.

Judith got up and went over to the living room, where she started to set up our cushions for meditating.  It was the first thing we did everyday, but she seemed more somber than usual.  Perhaps because it was only the day after our conversation.  Perhaps it was a side-effect of the marker.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked, setting all my stuff down on the counter.

"Uh, yeah. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well." She didn't look at me when she spoke.  Either she was angry at me or embarrassed, and the latter seemed a lot more likely.

By the time I got to the living room, she was already sitting on her cushion, so I sat down on mine.  Before she could think to pull away, I put my hand on her cheek and tilted her face up at me.  I could feel the heat from her blush on the palm of my hand.  She was startled, frozen in place.

Then I put my other hand to her forehead.

"Well, you don't seem warm, but you were sick recently," I said. "Maybe we should postpone your lessons and I'll put you down for a nap. Like last time."

I watched her process my words. Like last time. Like the time I kissed her. The parallels were too much for Judith to pass up. I watched her rationalize, her brain working behind those nervous brown eyes. Then she nodded.

"I guess a nap couldn't hurt…"

"Brilliant," I smiled warmly. "I bet you'll feel a lot better by the time you wake up."

I got to my feet and took Judith's hand. I held it until we got to her room, full of daylight from the window. I sat Judith down on the edge of the bed and explored her dresser for some pajamas. The stack of three diapers was still neatly on her dresser, and when I looked back at Judith she was blushing again.

"I think this pink babydoll is perfect, don't you?" I asked.

"Uh... I guess..."

The pajamas in question were a little childish, but not entirely unattractive from an adult lens. I wondered if she would argue, but it seemed her people-pleasing was in good form today. But when she reached for the nightie, I held it back.

"There's no need for you to dress yourself," I said. She looked awestruck.

"Well... I can do it though..."

She reached again for the nightie. I kept it away from her.

"Or you can let me do my job," I said. "Could you do that for me?"

I watched her mind whirl behind those chocolate brown eyes. When it stopped churning, she put her hand down.

"I guess..." she mumbled.

"I like when a girl can't take care of herself," I admitted. "It makes me feel needed. And it'll make you feel like a princess to be dressed by someone else, won't it? Being doted over, cared for, fussed upon. Isn't that nice?"

"I never cared for princesses," Judith shrugged, but her cheeks were still pink.

"I'm caring for one right now," I teased, reaching down and pulling her shirt up above her head. She covered her bra with her arms and squeezed her thighs together. Every tiny little movement of her body was chronicled in my memory.

"I think you make an excellent princess, for what it's worth," I said as I continued to dress her. "You're cute. You've got a beautiful smile. You look wonderful in pretty things. And you're also very kind."

I reached behind Judith to unclasp her bra, letting my face come close to hers. Letting her feel the breath through my painted lips, while I felt the heat from her cheeks.

"You think so...?" Judith asked. I could hear the hesitation in her voice, but also a curiosity.

"I know so. You're in a strange place with strange things happening, and you still maintain a level head and a kind energy toward me. I really appreciate that."

"Yeah... I guess I do." Judith nodded a little and I could see a smile on the corner of her lips.

Once her bra was off, I pulled the nightie down over her chest. She was still wearing her jeans, but the hem of the nightie would barely cover her underwear.

"I really can dress myself," she argued, but she didn't stop me from unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down. I caught a glimpse of her striped underwear and smiled a little to myself. Honestly, Judith was pretty cute. It was a shame she was a Candy.

"C'mon. Into bed now." I ushered her onto her unkempt bed and untangled the blankets at the foot. As I covered her up, I made a strategic comment, knowing the answer already.

"Do you think you need a diaper?"

"What? No!" Judith was visibly offended, but that expression softened when I added:

"That's a shame. I thought it was cute, seeing you powerless like that."

Judith stared blankly at me as I tucked her in, but neither of us brought up the diapers again. I reached into my pocket and took out the thermometer. I put it to her lips and she opened obediently.

"You're such a good little patient for me, Judith," I commented, putting the thermometer in her mouth.

She didn't say anything, because she still had the thermometer in her mouth. And by the time I took it out, it had been too long to argue. I checked the number.

"Looks like you're okay," I said with a bit of relief. "Get some rest."

Before I left the room, I leaned down and kissed Judith on the forehead.

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Nine

The next few weeks were rather ordinary. Judith was becoming familiar with me again. The kissing incident had come and gone, and it left our relationship with an obvious scar: Judith liked me. I tested that hypothesis at every opportunity, and it always came back the same.

In addition, her reading and writing skills - the imaginative ones - were coming along nicely. I only created that illusion to plant the seeds of our roles, and those seeds had blossomed. I figured there was no reason to keep up that charade any longer, but that was a mistake. Maybe Eli was right; I should have taken away her ability to write when I had the chance.

"Hey, this looks great!" I picked up the paper to read it again.

"I honestly don't know what I'm doing differently," Judith sighed. "I feel like I'm writing the same letters I always have."

"Except these ones are legible," I laughed. Then I pulled Judith in for a half-hug and kissed her on the side of the head. I had littered little tokens of affection like that throughout the past few weeks.

"Thanks," she blushed. "Um. Does this mean I can write a letter to my dad now? You said that I could."

"Of course. Though we should work on your handwriting a little."

The letter to her dad seemed so inconsequential at the time.  How could something so mundane be my undoing?  But I wouldn't realize my mistake for a long time still.

I stood up and walked to the other side of the kitchen island, leaning forward so that my low cut shirt was right in Judith's line of sight. Then I mused: "I suppose, if your lessons are over, I'll have a lot more free time. I'm assigned to you during these hours."

"Oh," Judith said, a little unsure. "I didn't think about that..."

"It's one of those budgetary things; I have a certain amount of hours assigned to you, even if I finish my goals ahead of schedule. So we're going to have quite a bit of time together." And then, the gamble. "I'll do my best to stay out of your way though, so don't you worry."

"Oh, uh... no. It's not any trouble. I like you here..." Judith looked up from my chest, at my face, and then down at the countertop. She drew little circles on it with her finger when she didn't know what to say. I was learning all of her mannerisms.

"Oh, you do? If I'd known, I would have spent more time here, princess!" In other words: had she been more affectionate and forthcoming, she could have had more of me all this time.

"I... I just thought you knew?" Judith faked a laugh. "I mean, you're my only friend here, and... I mean... I dunno... I'd love if we could just hang out."

"Well, I'd love that too. I always relish the chance to know my patients on a more informal level."

"Right..." Judith blushed. For anyone else, the idea of calling someone my patient would probably have pushed them further away from attraction. With Judith, it had the opposite effect.

"How about, tomorrow, after meditation, we watch a movie together?" I asked.

"Alright," Judith smiled.

"You pick the movie. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded immediately.

"Good girl." I gave her one final kiss on the forehead before I left her room.

As I checked in on her on the monitor by her door, she was still looking longingly at the door where I'd left.

The next day, our routine was different. I wanted to cement that difference, even before we got to the movie. So I made some adjustments to our meditation.

"I'd like you to lay on the sofa," I said. "With your head in my lap."

"I... uh. Why?" Judith was holding one of the meditation cushions in her hands, frozen like a deer in headlights.

"I think the change of position can help explore new forms of meditation." The practical, believable reason. "And because I think you're pretty." The reason that would entice her.

"Uh... sure..." Judith was a little put off by the interaction, but she put down the cushion and laid on the sofa instead. Her head landed in my lap and she looked up at me with warm cheeks.

"Eyes closed now," I whispered to her, playing with her hair in my fingers. Judith closed her eyes. Her breathing was a little more shallow than usual. "You know, I was thinking about you in your nightie from the other day. Remind me to talk to you about that when we're done, okay?"

"Uh..." Judith's response was drowned out by my voice.

"Shh... quiet now. Feel the warmth of the sand under your feet. The sound of the waves. It's so easy to come back here now. You used to need whole minutes to be at the beach with me, but now you're here in less than a second. With your hand in mine."

Judith settled after a moment. She listened to my words, and despite her shallow breaths, I could feel the relaxation starting to take her. I could almost sense that beach. I wondered if I should put my hand in hers. So I did.

"I'm next to you on that beach... close to you, warming you against the chilly ocean breeze. My fingers in your hair. My lips... to your..." I lightly took my hand out of her hair and touched her on the forehead. "Head." I watched Judith squirm, just a little. A twist at her hips.

"It's so peaceful, it's so safe, it's so calm. It's just the two of us, Judith. It's the sand between your toes, it's the gentle ocean breeze, it's the smell of my perfume when I lean in close to you. The color of my lipstick. My fingers between your fingers."

Her breathing was a little more labored. I watched her chest rise and fall. This was unlike our usual meditations.

"Everything feels so peaceful, so safe," I repeated. "Listening to my words. Hearing what I say. You melt into my arms, like ice cream in the hot summer sun. You've never felt so... wonderful..."

I wasn't hypnotizing her or anything. Not really. But we'd been doing our guided meditations for so long and so routinely, that I wasn't sure she was even hearing me. But her body did.

"Only happiness finds its way here with the two of us, only calm, only safety and serenity. No judgment, no sickness, no pressure, nothing that hurts... nothing that worries... nothing that you don't want. I'm here with you, which means you want me here with you. I'm holding your hand, because you want me to hold your hand. You might want for other things, and each and every one of them you can have..."

I pulled her out of her safe space with the snap of my fingers. It was jolting, and she sat up like lightning. She was still breathing heavy, and I turned her to face me. She looked at me with unmitigated fear, and unmitigated desire. Well, here goes nothing.

"Judith?" I said clearly.

She nodded her head, trying to get her bearings.

"We are going to watch a movie together now. But for tonight, and tonight only... I will kiss you."

Judith was awestruck, but her awe was struck even harder when I named my terms.

"I'll kiss you, if you wet your pants."

The shock and confusion on Judith's face was indescribable. Like she misheard. But she didn't. It played on loop in her brain; I could see it. Until finally, she shook her head.

"I... what? I don't..."

"Ah ah," I put a finger to her lips. "No need to argue. You don't have to. But if you do, I'll kiss you."

"But..." Judith still couldn't find her words. But she managed to find one: "Why...?"

"Because I want you to," I said simply. "The rest is up to you."

With that, I sat back on the sofa and grabbed the remote. I turned the TV onto the DVD player and started the movie. The Truman Show. Topical.

"I'm not... that's... that's ridiculous," Judith was a full thirty seconds behind the conversation.

"You don't have to. I'm not telling you to. I'm telling you that when you do, I'll kiss you. Shh, the movie is on." When you wet yourself, not if. Shh, you're done talking now. There were so many ways for me to pull on the strings of my little puppet girl without her having the faintest clue that she wasn't in charge of her own decisions anymore. She'd do this, because I wanted her to want to. It was that simple.

"I'm... I'm not!" Judith glared at me; I could see in my peripheral vision. But when I didn't acknowledge her, she fell back into the sofa and crossed her arms angrily. I thought maybe she would storm off or something, but she didn't. She just sat there and watched the movie.

Halfway through, once her temper had simmered a bit, I paused it to get a drink. She took this as an invitation to continue the conversation.

"You're joking, right?" she asked. Her anger had ebbed away into anxiety. I wondered how many times she'd considered it during the first half of the film.

"I'm not," I said plainly.

"Water?"

"Sure, whatever," Judith sighed. Then she asked again: "Why? That's so stupid!"

"I told you. I want you to."

"But why?!"

"You know the answer," I said simply. I'd said it enough times over the past week. As she was cuddled and hugged and touched. I had mentioned again and again: I find it cute when girls are powerless.

"I can't do that," she said quietly. I handed her the glass of water and she took it with both hands.

"Then don't," I said.

"But... ugh..." Judith sat back on the sofa and sipped her water. She looked so torn. So frustrated.

She wasn't at war with me when it came to this: she was at war with herself. The Judith that desperately wanted to do this, that desperately needed to make me happy, that desperately craved my approval and my kisses. And the Judith that existed before she became a Candy, a specter that haunted her even now. I knew which one would win. I think she knew, too.

It was pretty late in the afternoon - relative to the beach house - when the movie was over. Judith was sitting on the other side of the sofa, leaning away from me. Her water was gone. She hadn't gotten up to use the bathroom, and her feet were tucked up under her. Interesting.

"I like that movie a lot," I said brightly. "Not everything is what it seems."

"Yeah..." Judith didn't look at me. She was watching the credits. I couldn't tell if she was angry or embarrassed.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," I said, getting up from the couch. "I'll maintain my professionalism better."

The last time I'd said something like that, we hadn't kissed for weeks. We still hadn't kissed. And I could tell Judith hated the limbo. She wanted out. But she didn't say anything.

"Well, I should go," I said. I was halfway to the door when Judith grabbed my wrist. She still wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Please..." Judith whispered. "Don't go..."

"Oh?" I feigned surprise and tilted my head in curiosity. "Did I forget something?"

There was a pause. A long, quiet pause, and the only thing that moved between us was Judith, awkwardly swaying in place. Was she still dithering on this?

"Judith?" I asked.

"Say I did it…" she mumbled, blushing deeply. "You'd... like that?"

"I think you know the answer to that one, princess. I'd like it very much."

"Ugh, this sucks..." Judith finally let go of my arm, and she stood there with her arms crossed. The way she swayed made it obvious: she had to pee.

"It doesn't have to suck, you know."

"Says the one making outrageous demands," Judith said sharply. She was getting a little willful, so I leaned in and tilted her chin to look up at me. The anger in her eyes faded into embarrassment.

"I can retract my offer, if you're finding it too difficult," I said.

She tried to turn her head, but I held it still. She tried to push my hand away, so I turned on my heel and pressed her to the refrigerator door. Her breaths were heavy and uneven and her cheeks were scarlet. My lips were close to hers, painted in soft red lipstick, and Judith was on edge.

I could tell that pushing her any further was either a really good idea or a really bad one. But, if worse came to worse, I could just rewrite the whole scene and do it again. So I went with my instincts.

"It's okay," I whispered in her ear. "You're safe. All you have to is let go. Can you do that for me?"

Those six words had an almost instinctual response in Judith. Her head nodded and she looked away. Then we were both quiet. I didn't say anything else, because I knew she was trying. Wetting your pants isn't exactly easy, contrary to how often it happens in my line of work. But the magic of wetting yourself isn't in starting; it's that once you start, it's damn near impossible to stop.

I heard Judith's breath catch in her throat, and she tightly closed her eyes. I took half a step away from the fridge, to watch as her tight blue jeans grew dark around her crotch. Steady streams spilled down her inner thighs, and the quiet pitter patter of liquid hitting the tile floor filled the room. A puddle formed at her feet, and when I looked back up at Judith... she was crying.

Her pants were wet. Her eyes were wet. Her cheeks were wet. Without a word, I made her lips wet too. I kissed her. A gentle kiss. Soft. Careful. Compassionate. And I whispered to her, right in her ear, when I finished that kiss:

"You're such a good girl for me. You're such a good little helpless princess, my Judith~"

And then, I kissed her again.

At first, all Judith wanted to do was cry. But after a few kisses, she started kissing back. After a handful more, her tears slowed. I pressed myself into her with absolutely no regard for my own clothes; what did I care if they got wet? Both of my hands were on her face, on her cheek or her neck, until I let one slide down her side to her hip.

The concept of consent in a space where memory is mutable seemed so laughable, but I also prided myself on not being a damn creep. And besides, it was sexier if she asked for it. So with my lips on hers, with one hand tangled in her hand, I let the other one tour her hips. Her jeans. Her waist. Her tummy. Even the fronts of her thighs. But no further. Not yet.

The kissing lasted a while, as long as I needed it to. When I finally stopped, Judith's eyes were glossy and her lip was trembling. She looked up at me like I was a god. The irony.

"Tell me what you did," I teased. "Tell me... and I'll undress you."

I watched Judith's pride argue with her libido, but we both knew which would win. She dropped her gaze to the floor, to the puddle at her feet, and blushed. Her eyes teared up again as she mumbled.

"I... peed my pants..."

"Yes you did, you peed your pants. You showed me that you're helpless, didn't you?"

Judith nodded, because she didn't have a choice. She didn't even understand the implications of my words. So I took her by the hand and led her down the hall to the bathroom. She was crying again when we arrived, but just a little.

"Let's get you changed out of your wet clothes," I said lovingly, shifting my tone a little. She probably needed some comfort, at least until she was naked in front of me.

Judith nodded her head, because what else could she do?

"There's a good girl, Judith, you just let me take care of everything. Arms up."

She didn't need to be entirely naked, that was true, but if she argued I'd tell her she got pee on her top as well. But Judith didn't argue. She still looked close to tears and her cheeks were scarlet with embarrassment. I could tell she was turned on by the way she breathed, but her timidness was overwhelming that lust.

She lifted her arms and I pulled the shirt off over her head. Then I reached for the button on the front of her jeans. She took half a step back, but I kept at it until I slid the cold, wet pants down to her ankles. Her panties were two different colors: a light blue on the top half, and a deep azure between her thighs. She crossed her arms over her bra and tried to close her legs as tight as she could.

"Don't fuss, princess. I'm going to take care of my helpless little girl, and get you properly dressed. And then we're going to kiss all night, and I know how much you want that~"

Judith didn't respond. She didn't look at me. She wasn't in control in this moment, and she probably knew it. She was grappling with the idea of giving up control to me. So I continued to lovingly undress her, stripping her of her bra and then pulling down her panties. I could see the discomfort on her face with each article of clothing I removed, but she still didn't protest.

Maybe she felt like she couldn't. Good.

I dithered on the idea of giving her a bath, but that time of contemplation would only let her gather her thoughts. Instead, I reached into the cabinet under the sink and retrieved a conveniently positioned package of baby wipes and began to clean her skin.

Judith shivered when the wipe touched her skin. I forced her to spread her legs with a light pat on her inner thigh and she did so obediently. Her arms were still crossed over her bare chest, even as I wiped down her most intimate areas. When I was done, she closed her legs again and looked at her feet.

"I can't believe I did that," she muttered.

"It'll become easier to believe each time you do it, Judith. And you will do it again. You're my favorite patient, after all, and I know you like to make me happy."

Those word choices were definitely bold, I'll admit, but she was so vulnerable right now, so… programmable.

I could tell she wanted to argue with me. She wouldn't do it again. But she had already done it once, which was one more time than she ever thought possible. Technically twice, if I counted the diaper when she was sick. It was a slippery slope, and she had already picked up speed.

When I was done, I got back to my feet and took her cheeks in my hands. I made her look up at me, and then I kissed her. I kissed her deeply, tenderly, and lovingly. A few more kisses like that, and her arms had uncrossed. A few more kisses like that, and she was looking up at me with longing and desire.

"You're so cute when you act this way," I whispered, paying with her hair. I specified act, to put a bit of distance between her and her actions. To make it seem like she was doing this for me. I primed her for rationalization.

"You're lucky you're hot," Judith said shyly, looking away.

"I am, aren't I?" I teased. "Would you like me to undress as well?"

Judith looked up at me again, searching my eyes for a trick. Like I was lying about it. Why would I lie? But she didn't want to answer.

It was simple psychology. You don't show your hand until you know what your opponent has. If she said she wanted me to strip naked, then I could say no. I could laugh at her. I could shame her for wanting something. But if I made a promise to give her what she wanted - for a price of course - then she had security. A quid pro quo. A trade. The problem with Lucy and Charlie Brown is that Lucy never got anything out of keeping that football on the ground. Were she to make a deal, both of them could have been happy.

"Beg me to take off my clothes, and I will," I said simply. Judith looked away from my eyes, at my neck. At my chest. At my hips. At my pink scrubs. Her mind was probably imagining what my body was like without them covering it. Then she looked at her own feet.

"Please... take off your clothes..." she mumbled.

"Mmm? What was that, princess? A little louder, because that certainly doesn't sound like a girl who wants to see her sexy nurse naked, does it?"

Judith whined a little and almost stomped her foot. With just a nudge into childishness, she was already acting so immature. Delightful.

"Please... can you take off your clothes? Pretty please... please, for me?"

"For you?" I asked, tilting my head. "Why not undress me yourself?"

"Because..." Judith physically shrunk into herself. Her shoulders hunched and she hugged herself tighter. "Because I'm... helpless... I can't... do anything..."

She got an A+ on that one, my little overachiever!

"That's right, you are helpless. You can't do anything, and you need me to undress myself. You need to see me naked. Isn't that right?"

She nodded, but that wasn't enough.

"Isn't that right?" I repeated.

"Y-yes..." she mumbled. I could see tears in her eyes. So much shame... but this was more important than her pride. She'd been fawning after me for weeks. Everything she wanted was right in front of her.

"And what should I take off first, my helpless princess?"

"I... dunno..." Her uncertainty was consuming her. I could work with that.

"Of course you don't," I said. "You don't get to make choices like that."

I started to strip off my scrubs. Top first, then bottoms. I was wearing a black lingerie set: lacy panties and a push-up bra. I had been planning this day for a while. Her gaze danced from her feet up to my body, and back down again. I smiled as her cheeks turned pinker.

She liked tall girls. She liked girls with lipstick. And she loved nurses, courtesy of me. I was everything she could ever want.

I did as I promised. I unclasped my bra without any trouble and slid it off my shoulders. My breasts were firm and full, the kind you saw on naughty magazine covers. Then I slid my panties down my thighs. They hit the tile floor of the bathroom without a sound and I stepped out of them, approaching Judith completely naked.

"You're a good girl," I told her. "Tell me you're a good girl, and you can touch me anywhere you'd like."

This one was a freebie, just to get her riled up.

"I'm a good girl," she said, without any hesitation. So I took her hands in mine, unfolding them from over her chest, and put one on my breast. Her fingers were soft to the touch.

"Tell me that you want to be my helpless girl, and you can use both hands~" I encouraged.

"I want... to be..." She hesitated, but her hand was still on my chest. I was close to her. My lips were near hers. Her body was warm. It was betraying her. An adult's sex drive was their greatest weakness, and she already had one hand on the prize. It was a sunk cost; she never stood a chance.

"I want to be... your helpless girl..." she muttered. So I took her other hand and set it on my hip, near my bare ass. Then I leaned in and kissed her again.

Cause and effect, one action leading to another. It was how you trained a puppy, and it worked just as well for a baby girl with puppy dog eyes.

I kissed her again, deeper, and her hand moved around to my butt. I stepped her backward until she was pressed up against the wall. My fingers explored her breasts, squeezing softly and playing with her nipples. With my other hand, I made lines on her perfectly soft skin with my fingernails, down her hip and her upper thigh.

She was breathing heavily into my mouth. Her hands were trembling. I moved my hand around to the inside of her thigh and her legs opened automatically for me. She was so desperate, so eager. Instead, I pressed my knee between her legs and let her rest herself on my thigh.

A dozen kisses turned into a hundred. My breasts were pressed against hers, our bare bodies entwined. Her arms were wrapped around me and she broke our kiss. She put her head on my shoulder, whimpering and panting for air. That's when I stopped. She almost fell flat on her ass when I pulled away, bracing herself on the wall for support. She looked up at me with dizzy lust.

"You're helpless," I reminded her.

She eagerly nodded.

"You wet your pants," I reminded her.

She eagerly nodded again.

"Ask me to put you in a diaper," I said, "and I'll make you cum."

Her eyebrows tilted up in confusion. Those two things didn't add up in her head. Even if a diaper was some kind of sex thing for me, if it added to the fantasy of her helplessness, it would outright get in the way of what I was promising.

"I... but..."

"Trust me," I said sweetly. "You won't regret it."

Her eyes looked into mine. Her pride was a long forgotten memory. Her shame was overwhelmed with desire. She just wanted me to fuck her, no matter what, even if she didn't understand how I could. So she nodded her head.

"Please... put me in a diaper..." she said breathlessly.

"Why?" I asked.

There were a few answers, and any of them were acceptable. I thought she would lean back on the accident she'd had, but she surprised me.

"So I can... um..." The final word was so quiet I barely heard it. "Cum..."

From that point on, I wouldn't let Judith cum without a diaper. And since my very presence was a turn on, I had a very effective method of control.

"Come with me," I said. "Into your room, onto your bed~"

I could see the pain in her eyes as she walked past me, out the door of the bathroom, and toward her room. She covered herself up with her arms as she hurried through the hall, in view of the doorwall. The beach outside was sparkling with evening light.

When the two of us were alone in her room, I closed the door. We were both completely naked, but our demeanors couldn't have been more different. She was shy and nervous. I was bold and confident. I went over to the dresser where I'd put the diapers a week ago.

"You're so attractive, Judith," I praised. "But you're never more attractive than when you're in a diaper."

"This is absolutely ridiculous," she said quietly, just quietly enough for me to hear, but not loud enough to make a statement. She wasn't willing to compromise this opportunity right now.

"It only seems that way right now, because you're looking from the outside-in. Give it time; you'll see." I held the diaper out in front of me, like it was a religious relic.

The first time I diapered Judith was professional. I did my best to treat her like any nurse would any patient. That was the point, after all. Today, I made a show of it. I unfolded the diaper in front of her. I laid her tenderly on the bed. I prompted her to lift her butt with a tap on the hip. I spread out the thick padding like smoothing out the creases of a bedsheet. I spread her thighs wide; they had dried, but her sex was glistening with arousal. I sat her back down by pressing on her waistline. Her hips hit the soft lining of the diaper and it crinkled. Her cheeks were crimson.

"There we go," I cooed. "Isn't it familiar and warm? Happy, safe feelings?"

"It's not like that at all," Judith pouted. "It's embarrassing." Her arms were crossed over her bare chest, but any time my fingers ventured between her legs for any reason - like rubbing in the baby powder - she squirmed.

"Oh, it's embarrassing to make the woman you like feel good?"

Judith didn't answer. She sunk into the sheets and looked up at the ceiling. Even if she had the heart to argue with me over what I liked or why I liked it, I never gave her the chance to let her lust simmer down. As I pulled the diaper up between her thighs - stark white with blue and yellow lines of the medical print - she audibly whined. To her, a diaper was something that would only get in the way of sex. I would prove to her that it was the opposite. The first time she wore one, we kissed. This time, she'd cum. Diapers wouldn't be a barrier; they'd be a precursor.

I taped up the wings of her diaper. I was slow and methodical, savoring every crinkle. One tape on the bottom. Then the other. One on the top, and then the other. And just like that, Judith Levin was entombed in a diaper and nothing else.

"You promised," she muttered, still looking up at the ceiling. "If I wore this..."

She was so needy. It was downright adorable!

"Oh, I promised? What did I promise, again? Use your words.”

"Maria," she said flatly, trying to exude some level of maturity. But when I raised an eyebrow, she sighed. There was no victory for her, and she knew what I wanted to hear.

"You promised... you'd make me cum..."

"I promised I'd make you cum, that's true! I promised that I'd make my favorite little patient, my little girl who begged to be put in a diaper, I promised to make her cum. And..." I ran my fingers over the plastic of the diaper, smiling coyly. "I do keep my promises."

Judith shivered a little at my touch. Her modesty forced her to close her thighs in response, and her diaper forced them open again. She couldn't escape my hand as it traced lines up the middle of her diaper. I turned and crawled my way onto the bed, so that I was propped up beside her on my elbow, and my face was impossible to look away from.

"I don't see... how this is going to work..." she mumbled.

But Judith underestimated my commitment. Sure, I'd never truly fucked a woman in a diaper before. This wasn't my kink, not really. But I'd been dressing adults in diapers for the better part of five years, and I'd explored the sensations myself. I studied the weaknesses of having the thick padding between my own thighs, and I'd studied the strengths too. Years of practice led up to this moment. Years of gently and roughly masturbating in diapers.

Judith, like any ordinary adult woman on this planet, knew the obvious weakness of wearing a diaper during sex: I couldn't put anything inside her. But only I - and probably a subset of fetishists - knew the strength: the soft padding had a lot more surface area than a finger or two. Fucking a girl in a diaper had nothing to do with precision; it was about space. It was moving the diaper in ways that every inch of that crinkly padding could caress her in just the right places. I didn't have to be rough. I didn't have to be fast. I had to find a rhythm that worked. I had to allow for empty space, for the moments of taking the padding off her sensitive areas, knowing that it would easily find its way back again.

In a handful of words, diaper sex was a bit of an art form. And I was a damn good artist.

I crawled up onto the bed and leaned against the wall, gesturing to Judith.

"Come sit here between my legs," or in my lap, "and lean back against me."

In this pose, I would have my arms around her, and she would feel small in my embrace.  Kind of like the Reverse Cowgirl of diaper sex.

"This is silly..." But Judith did as she was told.

I leaned back against the wall and opened my legs for her, entirely naked. She looked me up and down, from my bare breasts to the space between my legs she would soon occupy. She could have rolled onto her hands and knees and put her face between my thighs, but she didn't dare take initiative. She didn't want to risk taking any power away from me, lest I become less invested in our play. So she scooted back, crinkling with each movement, until my arms were around her body.

I pulled her in close to me, so her bare skin was against mine. I could reach under her arms and squeeze her bare breasts. My fingers traced down her stomach to the top of the diaper. This position worked well for me; it wasn't too dissimilar from touching myself. I knew what felt good already.

"This is about sense and sensation. It's about listening to the sounds, focusing on the heat, allowing the scents to wash over you. Take it all in, enjoy it, slowly.”

My fingertips crawled down the front of her diaper mischievously while I spoke quietly into her ear.

"It's not a meditation," Judith snapped a little.

"Yes it is," I said firmly. "Just like when we meditate out in the living room. But this time you're in my arms. Just close your eyes and listen to my voice."

"This isn't sexy," she said. Annoyed.

"Then I should stop?" I teased.

"I'm just saying..." she sulked.

"Just trust me, Judith," I whispered in her ear. "Can you do that for me?"

I felt the tension in her body dwindle a little. She laid back into my arms. She was still sulking, but she nodded her head anyway.

"Good girl," I said, and traced the curve of her bare breast with my other hand. "Just listen to my voice and feel what my hands do to you."

"It's not like I'll be able to feel anything through this thing..." Judith pouted. But she didn't know how wrong she was.

Women were a little trickier to manipulate than men. Well, I was generalizing, but it was a fair rule to live by when your job was literally to manipulate people into doing what you wanted. I knew Judith's sexuality wasn't tied exclusively to how I rubbed her off. Thankfully, I'd been building my arsenal for a long time. I had the nurse stuff. I had the lipstick I was wearing. I had her meditations. I could draw on those inspirations and build associations.

I slowly caressed the front of her diaper with my fingers. Soft playing became firmer, more deliberate petting. I whispered into her ear:

"Just think about who I am, and who you are. I'm your favorite nurse, and you're my favorite patient. And today I've stayed a little longer after putting you in your diaper. I've put you on my lap. I've held you like my doll. I've given you baths—"

"You've never given me a bath," Judith argued, but she was quickly shushed.

"Quiet now. Like your safe place, like the beach. Like the gentle hum of the tides, and the heat of the sun on your face. The sand between your toes..."

I physically felt Judith's body relax in my arms. It was such an automatic response now, meditating and relaxing. Falling into my words, like they were the very sun in the sky, bathing her in warmth.

If that hadn't worked, I'd just have told her that she was given an injection that made her unable to talk. Or move. She'd probably have ridden that one all the way to her happy ending, though, and I wanted it to be her diaper that did that. So I continued to rub the front, applying a little more pressure, a mixture of lateral movements to keep her from getting used to it.

"You're so pretty, Judith. You've always been so pretty. You've attracted the gaze of so many women, more than you know. Women who want you.  Women who want to pin your wrists to the bed, to crawl on top of you, to kiss you.  All the girls who want to hold you in place and grope you and fondle you and rub your diaper…"

Judith didn't have a choice but to squirm at my words. The beach brought her visceral imagination, and the fantasy of a woman pinning her to the bed was too much to pass up. I only trickled in the concept of diapers, a drop of food coloring in crystal clear water. All I had to do was let it spread.

"Think of my breasts," I whispered in her ear. "You saw them for the first time, only minutes ago. Round and full and naked. You felt them. The warmth of my skin on your palm. The way they squished as you squeezed them. The way your diaper squishes when I squeeze it."

"Mmm.." Judith let out a quiet sound as I squeezed the front of her diaper. Her hands - which were at her sides - found my knees. She gently touched my skin, up and down my legs, as if to remember what I felt like.

"That's right, princess; that's a sensation for you and you alone to enjoy. The sensation of squeezing my breasts, like I squeeze your diaper… and in both cases, you squirm and moan."

My hand matched the slow rhythm of my words.  I pressed on the padding between her legs, forcing her thighs to spread even wider.

"Do you remember how you got here?" I asked. "When I promised you a kiss, if you wet your pants?"

"Mmm..." Judith's sound that time was a little less pleasant, more of a whimper.

I used my free hand to pull her close to my body, so my breasts were pressed against her bare back. So that we made contact in a hundred different places. So she knew we were naked.

"You gave up control," I continued. "You wet your pants for me, even though you were uncertain. You gave me what I wanted, and didn't it feel good? To be kissed the way I kissed you? For me to press your back to the fridge?"

"Mmm..." Judith's whimper was a little less whiny. A little more affectionate.

"Like when you were sick," I said. "You gave up control. I took care of you, like an excellent nurse. I dressed you. I changed you. You wet yourself then too, do you remember? But didn't it feel good? The kisses I gave you that day?"

I was rewriting history a little; she was the one that kissed me. But Judith's lips parted and the sound that came out was more of an: "Ahh..."

"That's right, you remember it. I had just changed you. My lips crashed down on yours in cascades, more potent than the waves on the beach.  If my hand had been between your thighs, it would have felt like this.  Rubbing, pressing, squeezing your diaper." And like closed caption subtitles, my words accurately described what my hand was doing.

"You've been so anxious to give me power over you," I cooed. "But it always feels so good, doesn't it? The kisses. The touching. Your back to something, your hands on my boobs. My hands on yours."

I punctuated that sentence with a squeeze of her breast. My free hand cupped her chest and massaged it gently. The other, still on her diaper, pulled her even closer to me, so that my bare sex was against the crinkly plastic. I found a rhythm and gently rocked against her like waves onto the shore. I allowed my breathing to become uneven, to surrender to the idea of arousal. I wanted her to think this turned me on. Women were so unconsciously empathic.

Judith began to whimper and squirm in my lap. Maybe her inhibitions weren't entirely washed away, but her logical mind was out to sea. My hand on her diaper continued to whip up a vortex of arousal, to which she would soon fall victim.

"You asked for this," I reminded her, whispering in her ear. We moved in unison, grinding her diaper against my body and my hand. Her composure had broken and she was audibly searching for each breath. Every now and again, a moan would escape her throat. Soft and quiet and embarrassed. I wondered how much sex she'd had in her life. More than none, but obviously not with anyone too experienced. My fingers were working magic between her thighs, using each bend and fold of the padding to my advantage.

"You asked for your nurse to diaper you, so that you could cum. You trusted me to pleasure you the way I saw fit. And now, as I hold you tight in my arms, as I play with your body, as you are helpless to control yourself, you're so happy you did it. You're so happy you gave me this power over you, because I will use this power to make you feel wonderful. Isn't that right, Judith?"

"Y-yes..." she whimpered between pants and moans. She shivered in my arms, but she wasn't cold. On the contrary, there was sweat along her neck and back.

"And that's the wonderful thing about giving something away; you can't ever take it back. You gave this to me, and now it's mine. Now you're mine. My girl, my patient, my diapered little sex doll."

My hand moved faster, with more and more intent. There was no room for her to breathe. My rhythm, my technique, and my words were all perfect. Everything about the moment was perfect. I could tell when she got close, because her head would sag lazily and she'd hold her breath in spurts. She'd done what I asked of her, and now it was time to show her what obedience got her.

"Cum in your diaper, princess. Can you do that for me?"

That final request was all it took. Her body wracked with tremors and I pressed my hand firmly against her diaper. Her fingernails dug into the skin on my thighs and she let out a quiet scream.

"Aahhh!!~"

I held her tighter as she trembled and shook. Her bare toes were curled tight and she couldn't stop squirming against my breasts. I never moved my hand from her diaper, and whenever her fits would begin to slow I'd rub it a little harder, just for a second, to stir her up again like sediment in a pond. She struggled to close her legs or to push me away, but the thick diaper and her weak muscles made sure neither of those things happened.

In the end, she was half-conscious in my lap. I'd positioned her a little differently, so that her body was turned and she was cradled against my chest like a child. I supported her with one arm and traced circles on her knee with my other hand.

"That... was... embarrassing..." Judith muttered. Her orgasm was long since over, but her face was still burning red.

"You liked it," I whispered to her.

"I... did," she admitted. Then she looked up at me with glossy eyes and said: "Did you? You didn't, um... ya know..."

She looked up at me with concern, so I smiled reassuringly.

"I liked this very much. I hope we can play again soon."

"Yeah," Judith blushed. "I'd like that."

I knew Judith would spiral when I left, that all the humiliating things she'd done would catch up to her. But it didn't matter. Everything had gone perfectly, and I had her wrapped around my little finger. For once, it seemed like nothing could go wrong.

[Night Rain]

This is a nice story that you've written here.

[Mia Moore]

On 1/13/2024 at 12:34 PM, Night Rain said:

This is a nice story that you've written here.

Thank you. ❤️ 

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Ten

The next month was strangely calm. I thought Judith would take more convincing to continue our relationship, or that she would need a break to make heads or tails of what had happened. I expected spiraling, but I got back a perfect circle.

After three days, we had sex again. Once again, she wet her jeans and I diapered her. She didn't cry this time. After a week, she'd started to pout and huff to get my attention. After two, she had a pacifier clipped to her shirt at all times. After three, she was calling me Nana. It was a good bridge between Nurse and Mama that I just so happened to enjoy from my stay at Academy I. The word sounded so much sweeter from Judith's lips than Ai's.

After a month, there was a turn of events. She had a letter for me to send to her dad. I had promised to do so a long time ago, but her handwriting had been "sloppy". I figured there was no harm in sending the letter.

"Don't read it, okay?" she asked. The envelope was sealed.

"Of course I won't," I lied. "I'll personally deliver it to the department in charge."

"You promise?" she asked nervously.

"I promise."

I took the letter and put it with the rest of my stuff. Then I looked around the beach house. It had been so long since she'd bothered to try escaping. Earlier in her time here, she would open and close the doors dozens of times just to see if it would magically lead her out. But she'd lost control over her space so long ago. Still, with the mention of her father...

"I'm sorry it's taken us so long to figure out what's going on," I said weakly. "You must really miss your dad."

"I do," Judith said. "But he'll be okay. And it isn't so bad here."

"Mm..." I sat down on the sofa and pulled Judith onto my lap. Little gestures like that were so easy these days. Under the guise of covering my bases, but I asked:

"Are you alright?"

"Huh?" Judith tilted her head. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well..." I paused and thought about it. "Other people in your situation usually want to leave... they fight and argue."

"Do they have you as their Nana?" Judith smirked.

"Some do," I laughed.

"Well... I'm not sure." Judith looked out the door wall, out at the impossible beach and the impossible ocean. "I feel... comfortable here. I've never been comfortable before."

"Never?" I asked.

"Well, maybe sometimes. But not like this. I know I'm not actually at the beach house, but... it feels like home. Like nothing can hurt me here."

"Huh..." A side effect of the Memoriam? Odd...

"Can we play School?" Judith asked, changing the topic.

"We can play School."

School was a game we had only played once before, earlier last week. It was a lot like when I would help her learn her letters again, except most of the lesson plans were made up and designed for her to get them wrong. In other words: it was exactly like when I would help her learn her letters again.

In actuality, it was just an excuse to play power games with her. Teacher and student was a favorite of mine, and I think she picked up on that last time. I was getting sloppy.

"I found a thing we could use," Judith said excitedly. She hurried up the stairs.

For all my times at the beach house - which were innumerable - we'd been upstairs only a handful of them. But when Judith came back, she was carrying something I hadn't seen before. A chair. One of those school-chairs with the desks built into it.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked, actually confused for once.

"It was in the closet in the spare room, under some boxes and stuff," she said.

No, it sure fucking wasn't.

"Right, right..." I nodded. "I remember seeing that."

"We should have used it for School last time," Judith laughed.

Judith set up the seat in the living room, facing the kitchen. I pretended the kitchen counter was my desk. The cabinets were - as they were before - my blackboard. I still had washable markers.

"Today we're going to focus on animal sounds," I said, because I hadn't prepared anything in advance.

"I know my animal sounds," Judith said with a bored sigh. Sometimes she got like this; she would pretend she had control. She would pretend she wasn't helpless. But these games always ended the same way: with her back in diapers.

"Oh, you do? Then you'd be happy to show me just how good you are at it, right? If I name ten animals, you can tell me all the sounds they make?"

"Of course," Judith said confidently. I could see a true determination in her eyes; there was no way she didn't know animal sounds. She thought I had set the bar too low.

"Let's start easy! What sound does a dog make?"

"Bark," Judith said simply. But I shook my head.

"No, not the word. The sound."

Judith blinked. She stared at me like she didn't understand, and then she did. She was supposed to bark like a dog. A blush filled her cheeks and she sunk down in her chair a little.

"B..bark," she said, sounding a little bit like a yappy puppy.

"Oh I think you can do better than that! One more try, can you do that for me?"

Judith gave me a look. She knew I was enjoying this, and she enjoyed me enjoying things. But though she grew more accustomed to the humiliation, she couldn't hide from the feeling of it. With a deep breath, she said: "Rrruph!"

"Good girl! I knew you could do it! I'm so proud of you. So now that's one down. Let's do the next one… let's do… a lion."

"Nana…"

"Ah, ah, ah. Nana is not the sound a lion makes. Do you not know the sound a lion makes? Or are you a dumb little girl?"

Judith's cheeks caught fire. She sunk a little further in her chair and crossed her arms. She had walked into that trap, and she knew it.

"Rawwr..." Judith muttered, mimicking the sound of a lion. Albeit, a quiet one.

"Oh, is that a baby lion? I didn't know you were such a fan of being a baby."

"I'm not a baby," Judith argued. Then she roared again, louder and more aggressively. Of course, it still sounded like a woman making animal sounds, and it still brought heat to her cheeks.

"Those were big kid lion noises. Great job!" I praised.

"Okay, so this next one is a lot harder. What sound does a…" I let the word linger for suspense, "mouse make?"

I watched her think about it. Then she said quietly: "Squeak squeak."

"That's right! That's three down!"

I had her do horse next, which she gave an enthusiastic 'neigh' to, and donkey following that - her heehaw! was right out of a kids cartoon. With five down, and five to go, I decided it was time to up the ante.

"Okay sweet girl, this one is much harder. What sound does a kookaburra make?"

"A... what?"

"A kookaburra," I repeated.

Judith was absolutely floored. I could see the gears working in her head. Then, finally, she said...

"Hehehe..."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" I asked.

"Uh, that old nursery rhyme? It says laugh, kookaburra, laugh. So I figured it sounded like laughter. And I think a kookaburra is a bird? So hehe sounded more likely than haha..."

"Wow..." That was pretty damn smart. I was impressed! I actually felt a little proud of her.

"So... was I right?" she asked.

"Well, the haha would be closer, actually, but I do love your logic. I'll give you credit for that one, because you were so clever about it."

Judith perked up at the notion of being clever. Even though she was still an adult woman, I found her becoming more and more infatuated with my compliments. Such is love, I suppose.

"Now, how about a pig?" I asked.

"Oink!"

"Really?" I said, raising an eyebrow. Pigs didn't really sound like an oink, even when trying to say it through her nose. So Judith tried again, and this time it was a little more of a snort.

"Much better," I praised. That was seven. "How about we try a cow?" Cow was easy, though it brought another blush to Judith's cheeks.

"Muuuurrrrr."

I had to dial my laughter down to a slightly bemused smirk. I wasn't going to ruin the game.

"Alright, number nine. What sound does a... capybara make?"

"Uh... those... big groundhog-like things?"

Groundhog? I guess, a little. I had no idea if she even knew what a capybara was. Either way, it looked like she was stumped.

"They... don't make a sound?" Judith tried. "It's a trick question?"

"It's definitely not a trick question," I said. "Capybara are very very vocal animals. This is a very simple one, sweetheart, I know you'll get it!"

Judith ran through every memory in her head, trying to figure out what a capybara sounded like. She probably skimmed other nursery rhymes, but there weren't any about capybara that I could remember. Then she had to decide whether or not she should just guess and hope for the best, like she had with the kookaburra. But her embarrassment of getting it wrong won out.

"I... I dunno," she admitted, sinking a little further in her seat.

"Oh sweetheart, are you sure? That's okay, girls your age don't know every animal sound. That's why you're in school, after all.  But maybe you're too little to be in big kid panties."

"I can name other animal sounds!" Judith argued. "I can do... a lamb. Or a goat. Or a cat? I'm still a big girl!"

Big girl, not adult. That transition took a while, but she rarely tried to claim she was a grown up anymore.

"Oh sweetie, I know you know those ones. But it wouldn't be fair of me to let you pick the animal now, would it?"

"I know my animals!" Judith said loudly. She was fussing a little more than usual, and I wasn't sure why. Then again, this was probably the most childish game we'd played. And she'd lost.

"Judith," I said coolly.

"No, I know them! You just picked stupid ones!"

"Judith," I said, sharper than I'd ever spoken to her before. I watched her freeze in place. Her eyes scanned mine, trying to figure out if she had gone too far. Maybe it was time to try some more aggressive punishments.

"You can't just throw a tantrum when you don't get your way," I said. "That's very bad behavior.  Are you a bad girl?"

She was quiet for a moment, but she was still blushing. She knew she had acted a little out of character, a little more juvenile. I wondered if she even realized that she was changing herself for me.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, looking away from me.

"I know you are, and that's why it's important for me to remind you not to do this kind of thing. Discipline is important, isn't it, Judith?"

"But..." Judith knew how these games usually went down; I'd take control of her and she would wind up with my hand on the front of her diaper. It was a fair trade. But discipline had never come up before, not in a real way.

She was nervous. I probably should have just pushed her over the edge. It was easy to manipulate her these days. But I didn't want her to be afraid. What purpose would that serve?

"Judith," I said sweetly. "You aren't in real trouble. We are playing School, remember?"

"Right..." Judith nodded and faked a smile.

Something was wrong. So I stepped away from the front of our makeshift classroom and came over to her desk. I knelt down on one knee and took her hand in mine, then used my other to tilt her chin to look at me.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter. Let's just keep playing," she said.

She was right. It didn't matter. I just wanted to push her down deeper into neediness. Into depending on me. Into worshipping me like a goddess. I needed to control her, and hesitance was so easy to exploit. This thing made her uncomfortable, but she would do it for me. Right?

"Let's take a sec and talk," I said, against my better judgment. You lose momentum when you slow down, and I needed to keep pushing forward. I knew I was making a mistake, even as I made it. And I still made it anyway.

"I dunno," Judith shrugged. She tried to look away from me again but I held her chin. "I just got in trouble a lot when I was younger. And I had this... bad feeling. When you said discipline. Like, in my heart..."

An interesting piece of information, supremely useful. A simple harness on that trauma was like putting a saddle and bridle upon a girl. If I compounded on a little bit of her trauma, it would be even easier to regress her. To control her. But that wasn't good for her.

"Well... you aren't in trouble," I said plainly. "You were a good girl and you did your lessons. I didn't expect you to pass."

"I got frustrated," Judith argued.

"Little girls get frustrated." I moved my hand to her cheek and brushed it with my thumb. She didn't even argue with me that she wasn't a little girl.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't know it would upset you. You're a very good girl, and I've been trapping you in corners for fun."

"I'm having fun," she defended.

"I know. But any game that gets too rough can stop being fun, right? I don't think you're naughty, and I shouldn't act like you are. The things you do... they are what make you a good girl. You do what you're told, even though it embarrasses you. And you trust me. Right?"

She nodded.

"Okay then. You aren't in trouble. Simple as that."

"Okay..." I stood up, kissed her once on the forehead, and returned to the front of the classroom.

I had wanted to humiliate her. I had wanted to pull down her jeans and panties and bend her over the kitchen island. I had wanted to spank her until she cried and make her ashamed for acting the way she had acted. But that didn't seem fun anymore. Still, the thought of her red ass as I lowered it onto a diaper...

"Hey, Judith. How about we try something new, okay?"

She nodded.

"I want to make sure you feel looked after. It might seem confusing at first, but I promise you it's going to help you feel closer to me, and open up a lot of really good, really strong feelings."

"Okay...?" Judith looked wary. But I realized it had nothing to do with what I was saying; it was because I was steering us away from playing School and we hadn't finished our game.  So I cleared my throat and tried to pick it back up again, for her sake.

"You've been trying your best to learn your animal sounds, and I've obviously not been giving you enough attention. So I'm going to give you some special attention now, and afterwards you'll feel much better, okay?"

That was pretty much what I just said, but this time it was 'in character'. I knew she'd benefit from that.

"Okay?" Judith looked a little less weary, but a little more curious.

"I think a part of why you are so frustrated by not knowing your animal sounds is that you think you're a big girl who should know them. But you aren't."

"I am," Judith said flatly.

"You're making my case for me," I laughed. "I think you need a reminder that you are my student, my little girl. And I'm your teacher. If you knew all the answers, you wouldn't be here. Isn't that right?"

Judith paused to think about it. If we were playing School, then everything I said added up. So she nodded her head.

"I'm going to sit down, and you're going to come and lay across my lap."

I held out my hand and Judith took it. I helped her up from her desk and led her around to the sofa. When I took a seat, she stayed standing. Then I helped situate her over my lap, with her bottom propped up on my thigh. That's when it clicked.

"Hey, wait, what are we doing?" Judith tried to sit up to talk about it, but I held her down by the small of her back. It was a position I was familiar with, one that gave me a lot of physical power and control.

"This is called a maintenance spanking, princess. It's given not when you've done anything wrong, but because you need reminding of who you are, who you belong to, and that I'm always going to take care of you."

"I didn't do anything wrong!" she said with a bit of panic in her voice. I wondered if she had been spanked before, perhaps when she was younger. But it didn't matter; this was a healing exercise.

"No, you didn't," I said calmly. "You're a little girl who got some answers wrong on her test. As little girls do. You did everything perfectly. But you are upset with yourself. You think you should have done better. Isn't that right?"

"I... sure, but..." Judith hesitated a little and I pressed the advantage.

"You think you should have done better because you think you're a grown woman. But you aren't. You're a little girl in school, who doesn't get answers right. I'm going to spank you, not because you did anything wrong, but because I want you to remember that you aren't that big girl who gets answers right. You're the little girl who doesn't. That's normal, and that's okay. You're perfect the way you are."

"But..." Judith's voice dropped to nearly a whisper. She puzzled out my words to try to figure them out, to look for a loophole, but she came up empty handed.

"I knew you were clever enough to understand it," I said.

With one hand firmly on her back, I used my other to give the first of what would become many swats to her posterior. This first one was light, soft, and exploratory. It was a conversation starter, if the conversation were expressed entirely through impact play. Small talk.

It was another four or five swats before I heard something from Judith. A light whimper. She buried her face into the couch and I could see her body rising and falling with heavy breaths. For good measure, I offered reassurance. I didn't want her to think she was in trouble.

"You're such a good girl," I said, before another spank on the seat of her jeans. "You're a little girl, and your place is over my lap. You're doing everything right."

I knew that she wanted to argue, but arguing with me on any of the points I made would mean accepting the opposite. It would mean arguing that she wasn't a good girl, or that she was doing everything wrong.

"Only good girls get attention, only good girls get their teacher to give them special personal lessons like this."

My next smack was significantly firmer. I felt her body twitch a little on my lap. Once I counted up to ten, I tugged at her waistband and pulled it down, flashing the seat of her panties. I felt her body squirm.

"Nana," she muttered anxiously.

"Shh, Nana knows what's best for you, Judith. Nana is going to make it all better, yes she is~"

It was weird, a little bit, because I had been so dispassionate with Ai; it was all an act to entrap her.  But with Judith, it felt different. Purposeful. I pulled down Judith's panties and I spanked her on her bare ass.

Her skin began to redden. She trembled on my lap with each swat. Her muttering had turned to whimpering, and she was out of breath. I could tell that each spank on her butt hurt more and more. Her feet started to kick and she tried to roll off me. All the while, I kept up the praise.

"Such a good girl. Remember who you are. You're my student. You're little. You're weak and powerless. You can't make mistakes, because I'm responsible for you. Your mistakes aren't your fault. Isn't that right?"

"Mmmmm..."

Judith hadn't said anything but whimpers and whines. Every now and again, I'd get a "Nana", but she never told me to stop. Then I heard a sob. I felt her shake in my lap. It must have been fifty or so spankings, and her bottom was a fiery pink. Even before I spanked her again, she recoiled. Honestly, I was kind of turned on. But why didn't she tell me to stop?

"Judith?" I asked.

"Mmm..."

"Is this too much for you?"

"Mm..." Her whimper didn't sound anything like a yes or a no. It felt contemplative. We were both quiet for a moment until she found some words.

"I trust you..." she said, which was perhaps the stupidest thing she could have said. If she trusted me, I could spank her until she was a sobbing mess in my arms. I could have her do anything to herself or to me, just for my pleasure. And for once, I actually wanted some pleasure.

Trust is so often misplaced. You put your feelings, your concerns, and your instincts aside. You let someone else create truth for you; it's a breeding ground for manipulation. Judith was begging for me to break her in that moment, begging for me to turn her into a little shell of a girl. A soldier for me, her empress.

But trust is also a burden. To depend on me, Judith gave up the keys to her own happiness. I wasn't just culpable for Judith, but responsible for her too. If she was mine, then she was my responsibility.

"Are you a big girl?" I asked kindly.

Judith shook her head.

I gently touched her bottom and she winced, but I didn't spank her again. I gently rubbed it for a moment, then pulled up her panties and her jeans.

"Are you a little girl?" I asked kindly.

Judith nodded her head. I didn't let her off my lap. I held her in place with my hand on the small of her back. She was still shaking, just a little bit.

"You're a good girl," I said kindly. "When you're ready - and there's no hurry - I'd like you to wet yourself. Can you do that for me?"

Judith nodded her head again. Judith had wet herself a lot since that first day. She was getting good at it, despite the position and despite the circumstances. But it still took her a good five minutes to calm down. I continued to rub her back until I felt a warm heat on my thighs.

"Goooood giiiiirl~" I drew those words out, knowing how ambrosial they were to her, especially now, especially in her deep submission. I didn't strictly like being peed on, but as a means to an end it was a worthwhile experience.

"You're doing so good," I cooed. "You're showing Nana that you're more than just words, that you don't just say you're my helpless, dependent girl; you show it too. I'll always absolve you of every single responsibility. I'll always make every single choice. I'll always guide you and shape you and make you and remake you. You're mine, Judith. Aren't you?"

Judith nodded again. She didn't cry when she wet herself anymore. If anything, I think she was starting to find comfort in it. Wetting herself had predictable outcomes. I felt the heat drip through my thighs and onto the sofa under me. I felt it running down my leg. I continued to rub Judith's back until she was done, and then I flipped back into character.

"Looks like you had a bit of an accident, little girl. But I should have expected this, hm?"

Judith nodded her head.

"And why should I have expected this?" I asked.

"Imma little girl," Judith muttered.

"Good girl," I cooed.

Then I helped Judith stand up. Her jeans were wet around the crotch, but her thighs weren't soaked like usual. My pink scrubs on the other hand...

"Let's get you cleaned up," I said, taking her hand and getting up off the wet sofa. I'd take care of that later.

She looked at the sofa as I stood her up. Her eyes lingered at her handiwork for a moment more before she was almost tipped off balance by my pulling her by the hand.

"I should have a bath," Judith muttered quietly. Her voice had slipped into that embarrassed tone I had associated with her submission. Sometimes Judith would argue or protest, but once that tone started it was a lot harder for her to do so.

"I'll clean you up," I said.

We stopped when we got in her bedroom. I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs, along with her panties. She didn't bother to try covering up this time.

"Little girls have accidents," I said. "You'll get used to that, princess; it'll just take some time. Thankfully, I have baby wipes to help with cleaning up."

I often sprinkled terms like that into our talks; 'you'll get used to it' or 'given enough time it'll seem normal'; basic reinforcements of the path she was on. She used to fight me on those concepts, but I didn't think she would today.

It was easy to spread out the diaper and lay Judith on the bed. I hadn't graduated her to baby prints and colored diapers like some of the other Academies, and I probably never would. Her love for medical stuff was still strong, and I could see the twinges of excitement as I lifted her bottom.

I powdered her and taped the diaper on expertly. If she had enough sense, she might wonder why I was so good at that, but I'd just blame my job. Nurses change a lot of diapers, don't they? I didn't know; I wasn't actually a nurse.

I changed out of my wet pants, but I didn't bother putting on new ones. My panties were a bit damp around the backs of my thighs, but I kept them on anyway. Then I went to the drawers to find something for Judith to wear.

Her diapers weren't getting more childish, but the same couldn't be said for her clothes. Of course, I had to keep them reasonable; this was a "hospital" after all.

The nightgown I picked out for her had the aesthetics of a hospital gown, and even fastened in the rear. Of course, it was much more juvenile, much less mature, than anything a legitimate hospital might have on hand. But for Judith? It was perfect.

"This is silly," Judith muttered to herself, looking at the nightgown. She had worn it a few times already, but it was so equally balanced between hospital clothes and little girl sleep dress that her arguments never lasted very long. Today, I ignored them completely.

I buttoned the back of her nightie up, all the way to her neck, so she'd need to ask for help to take it off. Then I turned her around and flattened it. It covered the diaper, but any time she bent over or laid down the plastic underneath was plain as day. I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

"What a good girl you've been. I hope your bottom isn't too sore from the spanking."

"No, it's... it's fine…" She blushed. Then she leaned a little toward the bed, eager to get her reward. It was always a trade: she wore diapers and she got to cum. She'd even promised not to touch herself without them, and from what our video feeds told me, she was sincere. But today I had different plans.

"Let's do your hair," I said. I took her by the hand and led her into the bathroom, where I made her stand in front of the mirror. I took a brush from the drawer and started separating her hair.  While she watched in the mirror, I pulled one side of her hair into a pigtail. Her eyes would flicker from me to herself, to what I was doing to her.

"I got you a present," I said, as I tied up her first pigtail with the hair band. It had little flower beads on it, accentuating her childish attire.

"A present?" I watched her gaze flicker down at her wrist, at the baby rattle I'd given her as a gift a while ago. She used to hide it away in her dresser out of embarrassment, but for the past few days she'd been wearing it nonstop. Per my request, of course.

"Mhm. You've been really good for me, so I think you deserve it." When I was done tying her hair up in pigtails, I patted her diapered bottom.

"Go check your bedroom," I said, which was just outside the en suite.

Judith gave me a skeptical look and went back out into her bedroom.  Sure enough, there was a massive six foot tall teddy bear on her bed, big enough to make anyone feel small.  It sure hadn't been there a moment ago.

"Where the hell did this come from..." Judith said incredulously when she stepped into the bedroom.

"Language," I said sharply.

"Right, sorry, but... but this wasn't here..."

"I had someone bring it in," I said simply. A good explanation, though it wasn't exactly true. I capped the marker while Judith walked around the bed and slipped it into the pocket of my shirt.

"Someone?" Judith asked.

"One of the other nurses."

The truth was, there were no other nurses. Judith had met one - my temporary replacement - then forgot about him. And over the past two weeks, she had been asking a lot of questions about the staff. Her skepticism was growing unwieldy, and her power to make a school desk appear out of nowhere was proof of that. I had to use the marker in that moment, to keep control of the situation.

"Oh. Right." Judith nodded along with what I said. As far as she remembered, the other nurses made regular appearances, but none so often or out of the ordinary that she'd make any mental notes. There were other nurses, and this was a hospital that made sense. She knew these truths now.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"It's... very big," she said with a half smile.

"So you remember how little you are."

"Right..."

"Do you have something to say?" I asked condescendingly. Judith blushed.

"Thank you, Nana..."

"You're very welcome. Why don't you hop up and give your new friend a cuddle?"

Judith reluctantly crawled onto the bed, flashing me her diapered butt, and hugged the large teddy bear around the stomach. Her cheeks were pink.

"Do you have a name for him?" I asked.

"No," Judith said, one half clueless and one half indignant. But that was okay: I had one in mind.

"How 'bout you call him Papa. Since I'm Nana."

"What? No way. That's... that's weird!" Judith stared dumbfounded at me.

"Oh I don't think that's weird at all; he's going to be taking care of you when Nana isn't around, and he keeps you safe, and he's big and soft and fuzzy. Those all seem like logical points for a name like Papa. Think about it, and see if you can like it; can you do that for me?"

Judith sat there, looked at the bear, then looked back at me. With a deep sigh, she surrendered.

"This is so silly... but... fine..."

"Good girl!" I cooed. "Now let's go watch a movie."

Judith blinked in surprise.

"But..."

"But?" I tilted my head.

I was breaking the pattern. Diaper, then sex. But this time it was diaper, then movie. A part of Judith was panicking that she wouldn't get to have sex at all. But saying that she wanted me to rub her diaper until she came was beyond her pride. So she sulked and said:

"Nevermind."

I led Judith out to the living room and filled up her sippy cup with apple juice. I couldn't justify getting an adult baby bottle without it seeming weird, and an infant's baby bottle just didn't do the trick. A child's sippy cup seemed like the best alternative, and Judith had stopped questioning them entirely.

"Are you excited for a movie, princess?" I passed the sippy cup to Judith.

"I guess," she pouted.

The movie was two hours long, and I didn't watch most of it. I was attentive to my charge, refilling her sippy cup a second time, a third time, and a fourth time. The smaller size worked in my favor; I could remind her again and again that I would refill it. In all the time between sippy cup refills, I held her in my arms. I traced my fingers down her sides, I crinkled the plastic on her hips, and I pulled the waistband up so the padding pressed tight between her thighs.

During the second half of the movie, I got more bold. I put my hand between her legs. I crinkled her diaper and pressed it against her skin. She would exhale sharply and try to grind against my hand, but it would go limp and provide no relief. All the while, she didn't dare ask. She didn't dare interrupt the movie. Once or twice I saw her fingers move down to her diaper, but I would take her hand and hold it until she forgot what she was doing.

By the time the credits were rolling, Judith was squirming on the sofa and squeezing my hand between her thighs. She sat up and looked at me hungrily. She looked from me to the bedroom behind me.

"Is there something on your mind, sweetheart? You look a little preoccupied?"

"I... thought..."

"Oh!" I interrupted her. "Do you gotta go potty? You drank an awful lot of juice."

"I..." Judith blushed a little and looked away. "That wasn't what I was saying..."

"But you do?" I asked.

Judith didn't answer, but I didn't need her to.

"I was actually hoping you could hold it for just a bit longer. Could you do that for me?"

Judith quietly nodded, then looked up at me again. She eyed the bedroom.

"C'mon, princess. There's something I want to try."

I offered her my hand and she took it without question. She was in a bit of a daze, stumbling after me.  I led her into the bedroom with all the confidence in the world.

"Does my little girl want her reward now?" I whispered, when the two of us were alone in her room. We were always alone, but being alone in her room felt more intimate.

"Yes Nana," Judith said, practically begging with her eyes. She leaned up to kiss me on the lips, but I pressed my finger to hers first.

"Do you want to make Nana cum?" I asked, and her eyes lit up like a little girl on Christmas. We'd been having sex for a month now, or rather, I'd been rubbing her diapers. Every time, I saw the guilt and uncertainty in her eyes afterward, knowing I never finished. This was her opportunity.

"Yes!" she blurted out. "Yes, for sure!"

"And you'll do what it takes to make that happen?" I asked.

"Yes, of course!"

"Then bring Papa to the living room."

Judith's excitement turned to curiosity, but the promise of pleasuring me was too great to allow her to question anything. She took Papa by the arms and carried the massive bear out into the living room.

Watching her struggle to move the bear gave me reassurance that the size I'd selected was perfectly correct: big enough to make her feel small, light enough to be movable. She was so excited, and all it took was a little bit of orgasm denial and conditioning.

"Set him down there, sweetheart."

Judith put Papa down on the floor in front of the couch. Then she looked up at me expectantly, waiting for her next step.

"Get on Papa," I told her. "Go on, crawl up there."

Judith bit her lip with uncertainty and did as she was told. She mounted the large bear and sat down on him, so her knees barely hit the carpet. Her whole weight pressed against the diaper between her legs and I saw her blush. Meanwhile, I hooked my fingers in the waistband of my panties and slid them down to the ground. Then I sat down on the side of the couch Judith and I had avoided during the movie, with the nearly-dry wet spot. I figured if I was going to have to wash a cushion, it might as well only wash one. I spread my legs for Judith to see, perfectly eye level with her, but she was five or so feet away. I was far outside her reach.

"What's going on...?" Judith finally asked, her confusion getting the best of her.

"You're going to make Nana cum," I answered matter-of-factly. But when she moved to get up, I chided her with the clicking of my tongue. "No no, you don't get to touch me, sweet girl. That wouldn't do. Instead, you're going to inspire me. And I'm going to touch me."

"That's... what? No, but..." Judith shook her head. She didn't like this one bit. "I'm supposed to—"

"You're supposed to do what you're told," I interrupted. "You're a little girl, remember? You have a red bottom and a diaper to prove it. Do you think a little girl has any right to touch me like this?" I punctuated "like this" by running my fingers between my thighs, against my sex.

"But..." I could see the power slipping through Judith's fingertips. I'd backed her into a corner. She not only was dressed like a little girl, but she had admitted to being one. She had been spanked to prove her place, and not to punish her. This was her place.

"Now, I could just go and take care of my needs in private. Or my diapered princess with a red bottom can put on a show for me. Is it really so difficult to understand, baby girl?"

"No, I just thought..." Judith was clearly stuck in limbo. Her reality and her expectations were so completely different that she didn't know what to do. I knew my teasing was good for control, but she needed a bit of a guiding hand first.

"You're powerless, princess. Remember? I make your decisions. You do nothing wrong. Remember?"

"I remember..." Judith muttered, blushing deeper.

"I diaper you. I dress you. I spank you. I clean up when you have accidents. I refill your sippy cup. I bathe you. I nurse you back to health. I touch you. I make you cum."

Each statement made her sink deeper into her teddy bear.

"You don't do anything but what you're told," I continued. "You don't diaper me. You don't dress me. You don't spank me. You don't get me drinks. You don't take care of me. You don't touch me. You don't make me cum."

She couldn't even look up at me. She just stared down at her teddy bear, full of guilt and embarrassment. I decided to alleviate the first one.

"You have nothing to feel bad about, princess. I want this. This is what I asked for. So tell me: are you going to come over here and touch me yourself? Like a big girl? Like someone who doesn't listen? Do you want to be responsible for that mistake?"

"No, Nana..." Judith muttered shyly.

"Good girl. You're not going to make your own decisions. You're going to do what I tell you. That way, you can never ever be wrong, and never ever be in trouble."

Judith nodded her head, but she still wouldn't look at me. No matter how eager she was to cum, or to make me cum, there was a bit of shame she couldn't shake. The bit about not being a big girl, about not being able to pleasure a woman anymore. And it was that shame that I used to control her.

"Now princess, I want you to wet your diaper. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Nana..." Judith blushed.

Even mounted on top of the massive teddy bear, with the crotch of her diaper hidden from view, I knew when Judith wet herself. She would hold her breath, just a little bit, and exhale sharply. Her cheeks would get red, and when she was done, she would be a little out of breath. I also knew that the heat of her wet diapers turned her on, because I'd been training her for weeks. Her orgasms were always more powerful in a wet diaper than a dry one.

"You know how much I love it when you wet your diaper, baby girl, and I think we both know how much you love it, too." I ran my fingers up the inside of my own thigh.

"Mm..." Judith sulked a little bit. She knew there was no victory condition, and she was already squirming on top of her teddy bear.

"Rock forward and back," I commanded. "Rub your diaper against Papa. Feel the arousal building up in your chest, between your legs... how warm and squishy it is..."

"Oh my gosh... shush..." Judith's face was burning red, but she started to rock back and forth all the same. I wasn't even sure her actions were voluntary.

Judith's experience with guided meditation fed into this new activity, guided masturbation. The more I directed her, the more she moved on her teddy bear, the more my fingers explored. It was win/win.

"You're so obedient," I said. "Not everyone is cut out for obedience, but you are. You're such a natural, you're so good at following my directions. So good at obeying me."

"I'm not..." Judith argued. She was leaning forward a little, pressing her diaper into Papa's stomach. She was already out of breath and I slipped a finger deep into myself.

"You're not?" I asked, trying to steady my own breathing. Maybe telling wasn't as powerful as showing. "Look at me, princess. Turn your head. Over here."

She turned her head. She looked at my face, but quickly looked away. She looked at my hand between my legs, at the finger deep inside me.

"This is what sex is like for an adult," I cooed to her. "Filling yourself with your own fingers. Pulling them out, slick and wet. Finding all the wonderful pleasurable parts of yourself, exploring your own sex... are you watching, Judith? Are you looking on in envy?"

Judith's eyes flickered a little, her gaze locked between my legs as I masturbated. As I did all the things to my body that she couldn't do to hers. Her grinding against Papa grew faster and the rattle on her wrist began to shake with the sounds of faraway ocean waves.

"Nana touches herself, and you grind your wet diaper into your stuffed bear," I teased. "We are not alike, but that's okay. You're perfect the way you are." I put one of my fingers to my mouth and pressed the tip to my lips. "Maybe… if you're good, if you're obedient, I'll let you taste me… just as a treat."

The ocean sounds made Judith's eyes glossy, but they followed my finger up to my lips. As I licked it, I saw her exhale. Her grinding on her teddy bear became more rhythmic, more pronounced. She tried to find words, but I knew her mind was distracted.

"I'm... I can... uh..."

"Touch yourself like me?" I asked. My hand returned between my thighs. I pushed two fingers into myself as deeply as I could, in and out, matching the rhythm of Judith's humping of her teddy bear.

"You can't touch yourself like this, princess," I cooed. My breathing was out of sync, and Judith could hear the arousal in my voice. "If you put your hand between your legs, your diaper would get in the way. You'd feel how thick and soggy it is. You'd squish it with your hand. But you couldn't fuck yourself like a grown up."

"Um......" Judith's body rocked forward and back at the speed of my fingers. In and out. Forward and back. Almost like we were having sex. Almost. If she wasn't diapered and humping her teddy bear. If she wasn't such a little girl. But she was.

I knew that once she'd orgasmed, the shame would become walls I would need to penetrate. But right now, the gates were open and she needed me, welcomed me in, and gave me control. She was mine, because she wanted to be.

Once Judith found a rhythm, I took my fingers out of me and found my clit in an instant; my body was not a mystery to me. I rubbed it with my slippery finger as whimpers and moans escaped Judith's lips.

"Just give up, princess," I said sweetly. "It feels so good, doesn't it? Grinding on Papa in your soggy diaper? Isn't it such a wonderful feeling?"

"Y-yes, Nana..." Judith whimpered. The ocean sounds were in time with her rocking and she couldn't take her eyes off me. She couldn't look away from what I did to myself.

"Then why fight it?" I asked, trying not to moan. I was close; I could tell. "Let yourself enjoy it. Give up on these silly ideas of being a big girl. Of touching yourself like me. The only way you can cum anymore is in your diapers. And if you don't do it soon... you'll lose your chance."

Judith's eyebrows rose in panic. The thought of not getting to cum in her wet diaper was too much to bear. She had to. She couldn't lose this chance.

"This is who you are, Judith. Don't let it get away, don't lose it; seal your fate. Rewrite your pretty little mind so you can only cum when you're in diaper, so you can only cum when you're wet, so you can only cum for me."

I came first. I wasn't holding back or trying to wait for the right moment. I wanted to finish, and I did. If Judith didn't, then she could spend the next few days waiting for another try. But as I moaned and trembled on the couch, it was enough to push Judith over the edge. She screamed into Papa's fur and squeezed him as tight as she could. Until finally, she melted into a puddle of a girl. Every now and again, her body would twitch, but her eyes were glossy and far away. Her breaths were quiet and uneven.

"Good girl," I said, when I could speak again.

It was another few minutes before either of us could move. I stood up on wobbly knees and went over to Judith, who was still lying motionless on her teddy bear. But her eyes were on me as I walked.

"That was... good...?" she asked, as I took a seat next to her.

"So good," I cooed, playing with her hair. "Did you have fun?"

"I... think so..." she muttered. She looked so spent.

"Sure looked like you did," I smirked.

"Looks... can be deceiving..." she said quietly. "But... maybe not this time."

Ha. She was kind of funny. And really cute, lying on her teddy bear like that. I wanted to tease her and really drive home the fact that she couldn't come back from this, but... well, I guess the moment was too nice to tamper with. So I kissed her on the forehead instead and brushed the hair from her face.

[Mia Moore]

Mistake Eleven

When I entered the beach house, we were barely through our hellos when I told her to wet herself. She put on a fleeting blush and did as she was told.

For the rest of the week, every time I arrived at the beach house, I told her to pee her pants. It started to become the first thing we did, even before hellos, even before I set down her medicine cup.  Sometimes she would struggle. Sometimes she couldn't do it very much. But always, there was a wet spot between her thighs.

"Wet yourself," I told her. It was the tenth day in a row.

"Nana..."

"Wet yourself," I said again. So she did. Rivulets of dark denim appeared down her inner thighs and a puddle formed beneath her feet.

"Good girl," I cooed.

"Nana," she said again, quieter this time.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Am I gonna... are we gonna... today...?" She still struggled with the word 'sex'. Honestly, she probably didn't consider what we did 'sex' at all. It was a different thing, a thing she didn't have a word for. And she wanted it.

"Does that matter?" I asked.

"Kind of," Judith said sourly. "I've been doing this all week... listening to you, and..."

"You listen to me because that's what good girls do," I said plainly. "And good girls get rewarded."

"Well, I haven't been rewarded," Judith huffed.

She wasn't wrong. In the past ten days, I'd rubbed her diaper once and I let her grind on Papa once. But she'd worn a diaper every single day.

"I can't reward you for just anything," I said.

"I don't think peeing my pants is just anything," she said sharply. She sure was on edge.

"It's part of your routine," I said. "I enter. You wet yourself. There's nothing special about this."

"But..." Judith hesitated. She knew I was right. It was so mundane these days.

"I'm sorry I'm not living up to your needs," I said sadly. "By the time I'm done stripping you of your wet clothes, cleaning up the floors, putting on your laundry... that's a lot of work. I don't always have the energy to jump into pleasuring my little girl."

"I didn't ask for that..." Judith pouted, but I knew she was feeling guilty.

"But that's the problem, isn't it?" I asked. "You want more time with Papa. You want me to rub your diaper more."

"No, um... well..." Judith looked away. She didn't know what to say. Of course that was what she wanted. I'd cultivated that association. It was call and response. But wanting sex had a bad social stigma. Judith fell prey to that.

"I guess we can change our routine," I sighed. "You don't have to have accidents for me."

"No!" Judith almost panicked. It wasn't just the idea of going backward, of taking away something that was intrinsically ours. It was also the implication: fewer accidents, fewer diapers, fewer orgasms.

"Well, I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do," I said.

"You aren't. I... I want to. I just... I didn't realize it was so much work for you."

Judith looked at her feet and bit her lip. She was thinking. She was trying to solve the problem. And the solution was obvious. But I wanted to her to come up with it on her own. She had already accepted so many new things. Was this just another straw of hay in the haystack, or was it the straw that would break the camel's back?

"What if... I was already in a diaper?" she asked, muttering under her breath. "Then you wouldn't have to clean up. Would that ruin the vibe for you…?"

"If you were already in a diaper when I got here?" I raised my eyebrows, in mock surprise.  But a welcome surprise. I put my finger to my lips and theatrically thought for a few more moments, before nodding with all the cautious optimism of a woman trying kombucha for the first time.

"That could work," I said, more to myself than her. "The idea of you wearing diapers for me all the time is kind of sexy. A permanent fixture, a reminder that you're powerless, and that you belong to me. Like a collar."

"Uh..." Judith blushed a little deeper and twirled the end of her hair. "That is... an idea..."

"Oh, you like that, do you? My collared baby girl, only instead of around your neck... it's around your hips."

"Ya know, I wasn't into all this stuff when I met you," Judith said flatly, still blushing.

"But you're into it now?" I asked, catching her past tense.

"Well... I like how happy it makes you. And you get so excited."

Admittedly, that was my intention. I was a lot less aloof, a lot more intimate when she was in a submissive position. I'd cultivated that association. To get my affection, she had to give up her power. But I guess I was just a little surprised with her selflessness. It wasn't just an eagerness to get fucked that led her into the lion's jaws, but a willingness to see me happy. Judith was the perfect mark for manipulating.

"Let's get you changed," I said, taking her hand

"Yes please." Judith said, following after me without a single ounce of hesitation. She used to be so humiliated walking around in wet pants, but now she had nothing more than a light blush on her cheeks. When we were in the en suite bathroom, I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs.

"I thought it was kind of weird, all this baby stuff," Judith admitted. "But through like, a lens of... I dunno. Powerlessness, like you said? Not being allowed to use the bathroom, or touch myself... or when you put the pacifier in my mouth to shut me up. You deciding what I wear, even though it isn't appropriate for a woman my age."

I stripped off her panties next, and she raised her arms when I removed her shirt. She crossed her arms over her bare chest; she hadn't been wearing bras at all the past few days, ever since I mentioned they got in the way of groping her.

"It's like... you aren't treating me like a baby. Babies don't have sex, for one. The baby stuff is just a filter."

"That's true," I said. It was that way for most of the Academy, to be honest. We didn't want any of the Candies to actually be babies. We wanted them to feel helpless, and like we knew best. We wanted them to obey us. Regression was just the perfect filter to get the picture we wanted.

"C'mon." I took her hand again and led her to the bed. I unfolded the diaper and laid her down on top of it. Changing her was so routine now, she didn't even complain. I taped the diaper on expertly and patted the front. Her cheeks were pink.

"Princess dress?" I asked.

"Ugh..."

"Princess dress!" I confirmed, and went over to the closet.

I knew Judith wasn't big into the whole princess aesthetic, but the more I forced it upon her the more she accepted it. It was a part of her, whether she liked it or not. That made my victory all the sweeter.

I put her in a fluffy pink dress and sent her out to the living room to watch TV. I had to clean the kitchen floor and start her laundry again, possibly for the last time.

We didn't have sex. We watched a movie. She hinted at feeling aroused a few times, squirming or leaning up to kiss me. I let her efforts go unnoticed. Eventually, she gave up. She knew I'd had to clean up after her once again, and that I was probably tired. I wasn't.

I kissed her goodbye and left her feeling frustrated and needy. She wasn't allowed near the door when I opened it; protocol or whatever lie I made up. So Judith stood on the far side of her foyer in her diaper and princess dress as I left.

I watched on her monitor as she went to the bedroom. She changed out of the dress and the diaper. She hesitated, looking at the pair of panties in her hand, and then at the bed. I watched her climb onto the mattress and slip her hand between her legs.

After a minute or two of warming herself up, she stopped. She fell back onto the mattress and covered her face with her hands. I knew my words were ringing in her ears. She was a good girl. She shouldn't do that without permission.

Finally, she got up and put on her pajamas, unsatisfied. She wore panties. I went to bed wondering how to play my next card. If I did it right, she would never wear panties again.

The next morning, I watched her on the monitor. She didn't use the bathroom, which was pretty normal. It made it easier for her to wet herself when I arrived. But this time, about ten minutes before I was due to come in, she changed herself into a diaper. Then she put her jeans back on over them. When I came into the foyer, Judith was already on her feet. She hurried over to the same place she always stood, a little blush on her cheeks.

"Wet yourself," I said simply.

A moment passed. A few. I could see the blush on Judith's cheeks getting redder and redder.

"Judith," I said. "I told you to wet yourself."

"I did, Nana..." she muttered under her breath, unable to look at me.

"I don't see a wet spot on your jeans. I don't see a puddle at your feet. I don't hear the dripping sounds of a princess who is so helpless she can't even control her own potty habits."

"I... uh..." Judith's voice dropped a little, from muttering to a near-whisper. "I'm... wearing a diaper..."

My eyes lit up in theatrical joy.

"Oh you are? My goodness, what a good girl! And why are you wearing a diaper, sweetheart?"

"Because..."

I could read the words in Judith's mind: because you told me to. Because it's what you want. But she knew that wasn't what I wanted to hear, and I left her so needy last night.

"Because... I keep having accidents," Judith sighed, looking away. Her cheeks were rosy with embarrassment.

"Oh, that's right! You keep having accidents, and so you shouldn't be trusted in panties anymore. Right?"

"Nana..." Judith whined.

"Right?" I asked again.

"Right..." she sighed. I could have pushed her a little bit more in that moment, but I decided against it. Instead, I stepped up to her and started to unbutton her jeans. She stood there, embarrassed, as I slipped them to the floor. I took one look at her diaper, swollen between her legs, and clicked my tongue, shaking my head side to side.

"Did you put this diaper on yourself? The tapes are so uneven. I'm surprised you didn't leak all over the floor!"

"I... uh..." Judith had probably never once thought about the shame of putting a diaper on wrong. Now she had something to strive toward. A pride of being diapered, a pride of doing it properly.

"You just need more practice, right sweetheart? That's what you were trying to say?"

"I guess..."

"Well, I can't let you stay in this diaper," I sighed. "Let's get you changed."

I led Judith to the bedroom and changed her out of her wet diaper. I'd changed her into diapers dozens of times, but this was only the second time I'd changed her out of a wet one. And, of course, into a new diaper.

Judith didn't argue. She didn't complain. She didn't fight me. But I did catch her watching me as I pulled the diaper up between her legs. Before I pulled one of the tabs up, I paused.

"Would you like to learn how to put on your diaper?" I asked. I was kind and sincere, but the words themselves embarrassed Judith. Her diaper.

"Uh... sure..."

"No, no. You should ask if you want something. Can you do that for me?"

"Nana..." Judith muttered. But then she said: "Can you... please show me how to put on a diaper...?"

"Of course, princess."

I centered her body on the seat and pulled the diaper up between her legs again.

"First step... make sure you're in the middle of your diaper. If you pull up the wings, they should be about the same length on each side. Then, when you pull the front up, make sure it comes up to about here, where your belly button is. Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, Nana..." she mumbled.

"Then you pull one wing up, and tape the bottom one first. You want it to point up a little, toward you. Like this. And then do the same for the other side. Not too tight, okay?"

"Yes, Nana..."

"Then the top ones come across like this. They point a little bit down, and they should feel secure around your waist. Stick it about here, and then the same on the other side. And there you go! All diapered! Now what do you say?"

"Thank you, Nana..."

"Good girl." I helped sit Judith up. She was still wearing her shirt.

"You can keep your top on today," I said, "since you didn't get your clothes all wet. If you get really good at putting on your diapers, maybe you can keep your jeans too!"

"Yes, Nana..." Judith wouldn't look at me. She was blushing furiously. I couldn't tell if she was embarrassed that she had done a bad job, or that she had to ask for help. Either way, it worked in my favor.

"Let's go play a game. You have board games upstairs, right?"

Judith looked at me forlornly. She had obviously hoped to have a more intimate day, but she was so obedient in that moment that she nodded her head.

Judith got Candyland from the upstairs closet. We played a few games, and she never seemed to pull the right cards. I thought that was charming, since she could have pulled whatever card she wanted if she wasn't locked down by her own submission. I won every game because she wanted me to win every game. After we finished the game, I decided to play my own card.

"Princess... I've been thinking. Do you remember yesterday, when we talked about your diaper being like a collar?"

"Uh... yeah, I remember," Judith blushed.

"Well, a pet doesn't take their collar off. They wear it all the time."

"I have to take it off sometimes," Judith said, already anticipating what I was going to say.

"I know, I know. And I'm not always here to change you. But... well, you wear them most of the day anyway, don't you? And you've worn them to bed. So..."

"I have to change sometimes," Judith repeated.

With a sigh, I reached over and took her pacifier from the clip on her shirt. I stuck it in her mouth to shut her up. She pouted and sucked on the teat.

"I want you to wear diapers all the time," I said plainly. "You can change when you need to, and you can still use the bathroom. But no more panties. I want to know that you're always collared. And I want you to remember you belong to me."

Judith was quiet for a moment, not that she had a choice. I waited an appropriate amount of time, for her embarrassment to simmer down. Then I pulled the pacifier from her mouth.

She took a moment to speak, planning her words carefully: "I wanna have sex."

I blinked. Well, that wasn't what I expected...

"If I'm gonna wear diapers all the time," Judith went on, "then I wanna have sex."

"So, what you're saying..." I said slowly, "is that you'll trade away all your underwear, if I make you cum in your diaper?"

It was Judith's turn to blink in surprise. She didn't think about it that way. She didn't think of those words in that order. She didn't think about the meaning of her trade. But what I'd said... I wasn't wrong. That's what Judith wanted.

"I... guess so," Judith blushed. "But not just once! Every few days, or..."

"Five times," I interrupted. Judith stared at me with bewilderment. Just five times. Five orgasms in her diapers, in exchange for the promise to never wear panties again. I wondered if she even considered the option of leaving, that none of my rules would apply if she could get out of the fake hospital. That she could get five orgasms, then the very next day remember everything I needed from her and leave. Did she even want that?

"I... I don't..."

"Five times," I said again. "Five times, whenever you want. At your request. You say the word, I make it happen. Five times, five little moments of control. You'll do things my way, but you'll get to decide when."

Judith drew little circles on the Candyland board. She was thinking. She bit her lip. It had been over a week since she'd had an orgasm. She'd worn so many diapers since that time...

"F-fine..." Judith mumbled, her cheeks rosy like on a winter's night.

"Deal," I said happily. For me, it was a win-win. I could have her in diapers all the time, and I had five more instances of conditioning her. But some things are just too good to be true. I should have bargained for four, because five was a mistake.

"Now," she said flatly.

"Now?" I asked. "You're sure?"

"Now," she said again. So I leaned forward on my knees and pushed her flat against the living room carpet. I crawled on top of her, snaking my hands up her thighs, against the front of her diaper, and up under her shirt. I squeezed her breast as my knee pushed against the padding between her legs. She shivered and let out a moan.

"Good girl," I whispered, leaning down and pressing my lips to hers with the force of a hurricane.

When I pulled away, she looked dizzy and out of breath. I crossed her wrists and pinned them above her head with one hand. The other reached down and bushed the plastic of her diaper. Crinkling echoed through the room. I leaned in close to her face and started to rub the front of her diaper. Already, her arousal was overwhelming her.

She looked up at me with glossy eyes, and I said: "I'm going to make you cum in your diaper, princess. Because you love them so much. And when I'm done, you and I are going to walk into your room, empty out your underwear drawer, and cut each pair up into shreds. Just like your autonomy. Just like your freedom. Into shreds."

Judith's whimpers were a mix of arousal and humiliation.

"You're going to help," I whispered. "You're going to help destroy your adulthood. Can you do that for me?"

Judith nodded her head, lost in the bliss of my hand and the diaper between her legs.

"Yes, Nana..."