The Age Old Question

[diapered96]

Ok, I know that this question has been asked 1000 times before but here it goes again. I am currently pretty frustrated on the dating scene which has led me to the question: Will I every find someone who understands this lifestyle? The more and more I go around in my head the answer that I keep coming up with is NO. This is also something that I don't want to give up but I'd like to have a "regular" relationship as well without diapers. I currently don't wear because of my living situation and I would much rather have a girlfriend into diapers than me wearing them myself. So here is the big question: When you told your significant other that you like to wear diapers or you want them to wear diapers what was their reaction? I'd love to hear from everybody. Good stories and bad.

Thank you everyone.

Diapered96

[Brudda Voodu]

I can tell you first hand that you can definatly have a normal relationship and still enjoy this fetish. Its Saturday morning and my wife is making her breakfast and I am diapered on the computer. I didn't meet her online or in some fetish group club or anything like that, we do everything a normal couple would do on any given day. Only difference is when our son goes to bed and we have some free time we put on diapers and have a little fun. When I first told her we had been together for about 3 months and we were very much in love, I had playfully suggested she would look cute in a diaper but she thought I was joking and thought it was a little odd, aside from that I never said anything and she was in the dark about my interests. When I finally told her I was terrified of losing her but I was also fairly certain of her reaction, I knew she loved me and we both pretty well knew we wanted to be married. She was overwhelmed at first and worried that I had been hiding more from her then just this, because it was such an odd thing to spring on her. We took it slow and once in awhile she would diaper me on a weekend, I always maintained that we were a normal loving couple and this would not change anything between us. In fact I assured her that this would bring us even closer together. I told her as much as I knew about why I was like this, I told her my likes and dislikes about diapers and this fetish, and I told her that this was something I have carried since I can remember and it would stay with me until I rest in a pine box. Find out what she is comfortable doing and don't push her boundaries too soon. At first our diaper play was limited but once her comfort zone was larger I could introduce another step into our diaper play. I would always try to reciprocate too, not just sexually but do nice things to show I loved her and appreciated what she did for me. This fetish can make you feel torn apart inside and lonely, this I know first hand. But I also know first hand that this does not limit your ability to have a normal relationship. Good luck man if you need any advice or anything like that just give me PM

Brudda Voodu

[Guest]

I've told every girlfriend i've ever had, and only one freaked out, but she was a psyco to begin with, and i only wanted a booty call, or as it's called on craigslist, a "casual encounter". my advice is stop worrying about finding "the one" and concentrate on your big goals first, get an education, get that dream job, get a better living situation, and then worry about a relationship. when you do tell her, be mature about it, and if she dosn't freak out, ease into it, don't just come running out of your room with a diaper and a paci. let her know it's part of your life, and not what controlls it.

and for more advice, try this link www.blowmeuptom.com , he's helped me out many times

Good luck

[RMS401]

Hi, Diapered. Okay, I guess I'll be the downer here.

I got married when I was 30, and I guess I'm unusual in that my love of diapers has come and gone over the years. While dating my wife, and even shortly after marriage, I didn't give diapers a thought. I remembered that I used to have a thing for them, but it wasn't until I began traveling for work, spending time in hotel rooms in strange cities that I rediscovered diapers. Then I had to decide what to tell the wife.

It was probably two years into the marriage that I decided that this was probably not going to go away this time, and I had to tell her. I finally, after trying to muster up the courage several times, got up the nerve and just flat-out told her that I had a fetish. For diapers. Yes, I was serious.

Now, my wife is fairly conservative about these things and was completely stunned. The next few days and even weeks were so tense that I finally told her that I'd give them up just so I could have my marriage back. I meant it, and I really did try, but I think we all know how that story ends, and I found myself sneaking around behind her back again.

Again I decided that I couldn't keep this inside anymore, so I told her that I had been unable to change. Again, she was very upset and so I told her I'd go see a psychologist. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure why I was there, and he was worse than useless. That ended badly, and so I just told my wife I'd try again to quit on my own. But this time she said that SHE would be the one to try and change, to accept this about me.

Well, that was a couple years ago now. She still wants nothing to do with my diapers, and has never even seen one, let alone me in one, but there is a delicate truce in our home. I don't talk about it and we basically pretend it's not there. For me it's the elephant that's always in the room, but I honestly don't know about her. She has told me in the past that she thinks about it and that it crosses her mind when she thinks about getting baby powder and then chooses not to because she's afraid it will arouse me (it doesn't).

So, my diaper saga is a sad one. My marriage is strong, and I love my wife more than anything in the world, but revealing myself to her has put a strain on our relationship, and we're just a little more distant as a result. The problem here is that I don't have a choice and neither do you. Diapers are not who we are, but our attraction to them is not going to go away, ever. The right woman will love you, whether because of your imperfections or in spite of them, but she will love you.

-RMS

[wishing for diapers]

I've only told two people outside of my parents (and that wasn't so much "tell" as "found out and flipped" ).

The first is now my wife who I love beyond reason some times. I don't really remember clearly anymore, but I told a few months after we got together. We knew each other in high school (friends of friends kinda thing) but she didn't like me at all really. We got a bit closer (read, she tolerated me ) after we all got out of school, then when I moved out and got my own apartment she started sneaking off her over night job to crash at my place (kinda freaky to wake up in the middle of the night and there is a person in your bed ).

After she started staying over regularly (even when she wasn't working) and a few close calls with y stash, I decided to tell her. I don't remember her reaction, but she accepted it and participated for many years (so her reaction must not have been too bad). You can read my "My Week" thread to get a current state.

The second person I told was a co-worker/friend about 2 years ago now. I'm still not sure why I told her as I don't consider her a friend out side of work (i'm not one that goes out and hangs out or does things with people, so I really don't have many (any right now) of what I think of as friends). It was a hard time with the problems going on between my wife and I, so I guess I just wanted someone to talk to and it kinda came out along with a bunch of other stuff. She took it in stride and still likes to kid me about Hello Kitty from time to time (told her about my HK plastic pants ). I am upset with myself that I haven't really made her a close friend though

I would suggest that you not rush into telling anyone if you aren't comfortable with the whole world knowing. But also don't wait too long if you are serious about someone. If it were me being told, i'd probably take it a lot better earlier than later as I wouldn't feel like the other person has been hiding something from me.

-d

[Mlz]

Well, I figured I'd post simply as the view of the partner who's being told:

It was... about 13 months into our relationship. Which, if I had been older then I was at the time, would've made me kind of angry that he waited so long. But we had taken things very slow. We didn't begin fooling around until month 8, and didn't have sex until month 14 (the month after he told me). So I was okay with the fact he waited.

But, if you do plan on telling your partner at some point in the relationship... I do suggest doing it in the first 6 months. No matter now hard that may be, an honest relationship is the key to any healthy relationship.

When my partner first told me that he wanted me to wear a diaper. I was- for lack of a better word- horrified. I was babysitting one of my neighbours children at the time and he had come over to keep me company. I asked all kinds of questions at first, and we basically, didn't talk about it for the few weeks following. Occasionally he would work up the courage to ask me to wear one, and I would just shoot himk a death glare and say. "No". He would sort of... shrink a little inside. I of course, didn't understand. And really didn't know it was hurting him.

We finally did decide we really needed to talk about it though, having shed a little understanding on it, I became more and more comfortable with it. Eventually, comfortable enough to wear one for him on special occasions.

Occasionally, I still get that, "This feels weird" feeling, when I wear one for him. So I've joined this forum to try and get even more comfortable with it.

If your girlfriend loves you, she'll accept you for who you are. It doesn't mean she'll wear one, but it means she'll love you regardless.

My best advice, is tell her. And make sure you talk about it so she can try and understand where it comes from.

[Saladin1976]

I dated my wife for 6 years, and had been married for 2 more, when I told her. It was terrifying; I hadn't told anyone before, and I had no idea what her reaction would be. I started off with a conversation about fetishes, and asked her if she had any she hadn't told me about (she said she didn't), and of course, she asked me if I had anything... I told her I did, but was too embarassed about it. I let her fish it out of me over the next hour or so.

She reacted (mostly) positively. She asked a lot of questions (including the 'are you attracted to children' one), asked about my history with them, etc. And in the end she said it was okay. She's worn for me a couple of times, on special occasions, and she's told me she wouldn't mind me wearing around her... but I can tell she's still a little uncomfortable with it, so I don't.

I get the feeling that a lot of girls look to their men to be big strong protectors for them, and seeing a guy wearing a diaper for fun sort of runs counter to that, so I try to stay sensitive to those needs. I wear only when she's not around, and don't push her to wear for me- I let her make the suggestion. It's a pretty good arrangement. Sure, I'd like for her to be more active, but I'm thankful for what I've got.

[quabbaby]

Hi, Diapered. Okay, I guess I'll be the downer here.

I got married when I was 30, and I guess I'm unusual in that my love of diapers has come and gone over the years. While dating my wife, and even shortly after marriage, I didn't give diapers a thought. I remembered that I used to have a thing for them, but it wasn't until I began traveling for work, spending time in hotel rooms in strange cities that I rediscovered diapers. Then I had to decide what to tell the wife.

It was probably two years into the marriage that I decided that this was probably not going to go away this time, and I had to tell her. I finally, after trying to muster up the courage several times, got up the nerve and just flat-out told her that I had a fetish. For diapers. Yes, I was serious.

Now, my wife is fairly conservative about these things and was completely stunned. The next few days and even weeks were so tense that I finally told her that I'd give them up just so I could have my marriage back. I meant it, and I really did try, but I think we all know how that story ends, and I found myself sneaking around behind her back again.

Again I decided that I couldn't keep this inside anymore, so I told her that I had been unable to change. Again, she was very upset and so I told her I'd go see a psychologist. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure why I was there, and he was worse than useless. That ended badly, and so I just told my wife I'd try again to quit on my own. But this time she said that SHE would be the one to try and change, to accept this about me.

Well, that was a couple years ago now. She still wants nothing to do with my diapers, and has never even seen one, let alone me in one, but there is a delicate truce in our home. I don't talk about it and we basically pretend it's not there. For me it's the elephant that's always in the room, but I honestly don't know about her. She has told me in the past that she thinks about it and that it crosses her mind when she thinks about getting baby powder and then chooses not to because she's afraid it will arouse me (it doesn't).

So, my diaper saga is a sad one. My marriage is strong, and I love my wife more than anything in the world, but revealing myself to her has put a strain on our relationship, and we're just a little more distant as a result. The problem here is that I don't have a choice and neither do you. Diapers are not who we are, but our attraction to them is not going to go away, ever. The right woman will love you, whether because of your imperfections or in spite of them, but she will love you.

-RMS

I'm in the same boat as you RMS. My wife is TOTALLY AGAINST my diapers and everything AB/DL. Wether or not my marrage will survive is a question these days. I was replying to someone else on this matter and stated that I've been married for about 18 yrs. now. She found out about a yr. and a half ago when she found all of my diapers, baby print plastic pants, onesies, etc. and totally freaked. I do have a weak bladder due to some medical problems but now shes not even believing that anymore. I wish that I had been able to tell her up front in the beginning but just didn't know how I guess. She said that she would have dumped me right then if I had told her. I wish now that she had in which case I would'nt be suffering a painful relationship now. Oh well life goes on as they say. I just live one day at a time. Good luck to you RMS and take care. Quabbaby.

[RMS401]

Wow, quabbaby, I'm so sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you. Saying that she would have dumped you if she'd known is pretty harsh and was designed to hurt. Target destroyed.

My wife is exceptional at being able to compartmentalize. She knows it's there, but is able to block it out completely. I keep my diapers in my closet, and I think she knows what's in those boxes, but hasn't said a word. She has even joked about diapers a time or two. I once looked into her eyes and told her very earnestly that there was something I wanted to buy. She immediately said, "Is it soft and absorbent?" You could have knocked me over with a feather, honestly.

Diapers remain a point of tension between us, and I can sure understand why. As someone said here a few posts ago, my wife does look to me as her big, strong protector, and picturing me in diapers does nothing for that image.

Regardless, I wish you and the missus all the luck in the world as you find your way though this. I'm sure in the end she'll make some level of peace with it.

-RMS

[quabbaby]

Wow, quabbaby, I'm so sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you. Saying that she would have dumped you if she'd known is pretty harsh and was designed to hurt. Target destroyed.

My wife is exceptional at being able to compartmentalize. She knows it's there, but is able to block it out completely. I keep my diapers in my closet, and I think she knows what's in those boxes, but hasn't said a word. She has even joked about diapers a time or two. I once looked into her eyes and told her very earnestly that there was something I wanted to buy. She immediately said, "Is it soft and absorbent?" You could have knocked me over with a feather, honestly.

Diapers remain a point of tension between us, and I can sure understand why. As someone said here a few posts ago, my wife does look to me as her big, strong protector, and picturing me in diapers does nothing for that image.

Regardless, I wish you and the missus all the luck in the world as you find your way though this. I'm sure in the end she'll make some level of peace with it.

-RMS

Thank you so much RMS for your support. I live life one day at a time and everything else is out of my control. This past yr. I made the big mistake of telling one of my nieces that I need to wear diapers due to some control issues I have. "BIG MISTAKE" she went and blabbed it to others and they all think that I'm a freak or something. Oh well, life goes on. I'm not close to her anymore as a result of it. Even my wife heard about it and gave me hell about mentioning it. I'm at that point in my life where I DON'T CARE about what others think or their opinion of me because I wear diapers. Because of that attitude, life is alot more enjoyable. I recently told my wife that what I wear for underwear is my OWN DAMN BUISNESS!!!! Shes been not talking to me since but hope that she'll get over it. Take care RMS. Quabbaby

[enfant]

Here's a bit of advice from my wife's perspective: Be confident. Believe in yourself. Feel good about yourself and your fetish.

When I was 20, and the two of us were engaged, I told her my Big Secret. She was the first person I had ever told. I'd been deeply ashamed of my fetish for years, terrified that someone would find out and then I'd be shunned by society or perhaps committed to a mental institution--really crazy, irrational fears. But one day I decided I had to open up, and so I confessed: shamefully, full of self-loathing, acting like I was admitting I liked to eat puppies.

She said years afterward that if I'd had a different attitude--if I'd simply said, "Hey, I have this totally kinky fantasy--I like to wear diapers and act like a baby..." she would have said, "Huh, that's weird, but okay, sounds like fun." But the way I acted made her think: "This doesn't sound so bad, but clearly there's something creepy about it, or why would he be so guilty?"

It worked out fine eventually--wonderfully, in fact--but her first impression was definitely less positive than it could've been.

[nappyloon]

I completely hid my love for Nappies and would only have a very rare test run with something that I made up for the occassion.

Until the Over Active Bladder struck !

Then I started to have wet nights and had to do something about it, my wife being ex nursing proffession insisted I wear a cloth Nappy and Plastic Pants at night, and I remember her coming home one day with a set of Baby Nappies (in store with mum in law) and a pair of Plastic Pants-OMG=Heaven had arrived,

although I have never revealed the D/L side of me she is accepting that I have to wear a Nappy 24/7 regardless of any wish or desire to do so.

I love my misses much much more for her acceptance of my Nappies (such as it is) as the house is full of stashes everywhere and she just tidies them up as if they were everyday items for an entire family.

She has never seen me wearing and if I can help it never will-too shy

Nappies are no longer a great turn on for me as when I discovered the wife she was all that was needed.

[Lil_Miss_Ruffles]

Diapers remain a point of tension between us, and I can sure understand why. As someone said here a few posts ago, my wife does look to me as her big, strong protector, and picturing me in diapers does nothing for that image.

Reading your posts consistently reminds me to be very thankful for the wife that I have.

This issue of the diaper thing taking away from the image of a man being strong and protective may be true, but in image only. I don't know why they can't understand that.

I have 12 years of military experience, 8 of those in a combative role. I assure you, and my wife knows it as well, that should necessity arise, wearing diapers has done nothing to take away from my abilities to defend myself, my family, or my property.

They don't change who you are or what you know. I just don't know why they can't understand that. You're still the same person they fell in love with 'before' they knew about the diaper issue.

I really feel for you guys and hope that someday your significant others will realize this.

Sincerest regards,

[crys_138]

My girlfriend/Mommy doesn't care one way or another about the diapers, since I actually need them some nights, and they're non-sexual for me. Also, as I said before, for me, there's no fetish involved, simply a psychological dependence that doesn't interfere with day-to-day life, so she doesn't judge me for that.

[tris]

Wow. You guys make me wanna put a gun in my mouth. So sad that over the generations what you 'oldies' see as America falling apart also makes the country you protected in its time of need, more tolerant and peaceful. (did I say that right?) I guess what I'm getting at is a generational thing; we have so many different ways to communicate with our fellow humans these days, and so many different and anonymous mediums to do so, we've learned much in a short period of time about the private things in human existence that used to be deeply guarded. My mother is about as old as most of you posting the sad wives' tales, and I understand exactly what you're saying. But, your generation wasn't intended to be tolerant and understanding, it was all about thriving in normality. As I sit typing away, I'm wearing a very cute white starry thermal, diaper fully exposed. My girlfriend is right here with me, reading the posts, just as interested in the sad songs as I am.

I'm attempting to write a "howto" guide on "coming out" ala ABDL style, and I'll post it up here once it's proofed and finished. (as you can tell, I'm awful verbose) I hope that it'll help others avoid the pain of what you all are describing.

[enfant]

I look forward to reading it, tris!