A lot on my shoulders

[hippyman]

Hi guys, I had never seen this part of the forum and when I found it I pretty much just needed to vent.  The past 10 months feel like they are doing my family under.  My dad took his own life in May, after a long battle with pain, between my mom and I we lost 2 dogs and a cat before the end of '21, and in January we lost my sister-in-law.  Add on top of that my pre-existing trauma, and the fact that everything that has been going on has been causing me to have flashbacks, so I'm doing anything I can to avoid any news at all.  It just seems like every once in awhile things build up. I feel like I'm going crazy every so often!

[DailyDi]

So very sorry to hear about your losses. That's a lot of pain in a short amount of time. Hugs!

[~Brian~]

@hippyman

I also am saddened to hear of your losses. These last two years have been hell, and I equate that to almost as bad as what would happen during wartime, or during the great depression. When we were talking about Covid for example, I told my dad, who was a Vietnam veteran, that to me COVID-19 was the equivalent of the World War II rationing and things of that nature. Before that, and because of my history classes, I had never heard of anything close to this, I never thought I would see it again.

Then 2020 hit: we ended up having something really bad happened, virus, that killed people, and put other people at Severe disadvantage.  We were told to stay home, we were told to lock down, we were told not to go anywhere other than to certain places, or with doctors consent only. We spent most of the time that we had at home, and we didn’t go anywhere, or see very many people. It was a dark black hole, one that I have never experienced in my life. If it wasn’t for a lot of other people including DDI would be , Or would have been a hot mess, because I felt as if somebody had cut off almost every bit of my communication, and if it wasn’t for my Internet connection I would’ve been severely hampered.

Losing someone you love, or losing several people or animals that you loved is very hard to deal with. Depression is also something that you don’t want to mess with. I’ve learned from experience that if something feels funny, and you don’t feel right, to get your butt up to the doctor immediately and let the doctor in on exactly what is going on. If you don’t do that, or you don’t alert someone that you trust, you could run yourself into a situation where you feel that there is a problem, but you’re not sure why. Depression is nothing to mess with, and I empathize with you, because there is a lot of times that I felt the same way: depressed, angry, withdrawn, you name it it hit me: when you can’t get out, and you don’t have access to those you love, or you don’t get a chance to do the simple things, it makes a difference: I even told my doctor that I was craving the one thing that I could not have: I wanted to give my mom a hug, or at least hug somebody: 2020 is one of the years that I will never forget, and I hope that I never see you again, but you never know with the types of things that can happen, and I am eternally grateful to Mikey and his admin team for keeping this place a safe zone, away from all of the ridiculousness, the fighting, the bickering, and the negative crap that we see all around us. I know that when I dealt with 2020, I was here almost 24 hours a day seven days a week for at least 3 1/2 months. This is because I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t see anyone, and there was a lot of things that were on my mind.

you are not alone my friend: I have lost several of my family members, and I’ve also lost a few friends due to the virus. I never thought I’d see a virus this bad, and now I understand that when someone says for example “you can die of the common cold“, now I equate that statement, two other illnesses that people think won’t kill you, but have in the past. Losing things that you love or people that are close to you really hurt, and I can tell you that there were times that I bawled:  your emotions are intricate thing, and you don’t really understand some of them, but they are what they are, and they can cause weird reactions, and make you think different things, and they can cause issues: Mikey is right when he says That you have dealt with a lot of pain, for that I am extremely sorry, as I have also dealt with pain myself, and it is no fun. I even went back on my depression medicine during the pandemic because I didn’t know what the heck else was going to happen, because I’ve lost it a few times and was able to deal with it, but I needed some sort of assistance to keep myself together.

please know that you’re not alone, we are here to support one another, and depression is something that you don’t mess with: I’ve learned that from experience: if you end up not taking care of the problem, it can come back and hit you really hard, and all it would take would be something that would set you off.

Hang in there!
 

Brian

[hippyman]

Thanks for offering the support guys, it really means a lot.  I think one of my biggest issues right now is that I don't really have anyone to talk to.  Things have been pretty isolating.