questions I always get. so I thought I'd start a thread. how to find a partner

[AwakenEvil]

So I am always asked how did I land such a beautiful woman in my life.

First and foremost ill like to say it's not as difficult as many of you may think. Yes you'll find men and woman simply not interested in dating people with kinks and fetishes. When I was single I had that issue as well when I dated before I found lovely partner in crime!

If all you have to offer is being in a diaper and pissing/shitting yourself in your parents basement odds are you'll be single for a while.

1. I'd like to start off by saying the chance of find an ABDL person in our community is like striking the lottery and odds of you find my wife or someone like myself is rare. We are not behind every single blade of grass. So how can you drag a wider net. Stop looking for ABDL folks in general. I found that having an ageplay Kink opens up so many more avenue for meeting folks. You'll be amazed when I talk to an ageplayer and they never once crossed their mind to try on a diaper... it happens trust me. So my advice is simply start looking at kinksters and not only ABDL folks as a possible partner.

2. Another thing you have to do is get out of your closet. You won't find a partner behind a screen and refusing to go out and meet these folks that themselves are willing to do. I can't stress enough how important being a part of your local community l. Yes you maybe the only ABDL in your circle and that's fine... I can't tell you how many times over the last decade or so I would be at an event or munch, and other established kinkster drag someone up to me and say "Hi Derek(Yes my name)... This is (Insert name Here) and He/She is in ageplay/diapers/little space etc" and I find another kinkster friendship blooming. I hate this website but use Fetlife for these events. If you say there are no events. Either you are not trying or you're lying to yourself. Everyone that has given me a city I've found events and munches within a short drive.

3. Stop assuming that your inability to find gainful employment isn't a reason to not date you. Wrong. For the guys here. If you live in your parents basement and you don't work. Woman are going to overlook you and whatever you may have to offer because woman want relationship that normally in marriage and kids. That's a fact. I'm not here to debate that fact. You can argue it and I'll block you. Not the point of this post.

Woman. You need to really look at how you advertise yourself. Most guys love to toss dollar bills at strippers but how many of those Chad's would marry one? Ask yourself that question honestly. If you have only fans, always asking for hand outs and you think your time is worth $ per minute... you'll have a sad life either 5 cats in your future.

4. Be honest and upfront with your future partner. I can't tell you how often I find someone with a partner for decades hiding this Kink from their partner and wonders why the other feels betrayed. I know it's a risk but this is how I always approach my kinks and bdsm needs with a new partner. It has worked for me and I am sure it can work for you.

Simply approach it from a generic perspective. I explained to my wife while we were dating and honestly before out first date. I explained I was into Fetishes and BDSM. I allowed her to ask me what I was into. If you give them hints without dropping the dreaded diaper word and allow them to digest what you said and what you are looking for you will find a better experience. When and if they are open to the notion. All them to move at their pace. Don't bring a diaper on the first date and demand they wear it till it leaks. That's a great way for failure! When you talk to them be prepared for 2 outcomes. Either nah, that's crazy no thank you or be prepared to go down that rabbit hole. I did with my wife. Give her links, what she/he should suspect and allow them to venture into the world of Kink at their pace.

5. Remember that this journey is about both of you. If you can not reciprocate and give them what they need as well. You are setting yourself up for failure. Your relationship is doomed. How many folks have we seen go onto TV and their ABDL parter is a total shit show while their girlfriend is bending over backwards to give then what they need with getting their needs met. Don't be like that guy or girl.

6. Stop coming off as creepy. A lot of folks asked why my wife doesn't engage on many social media sites anymore. The hard ugly truth is... many of you lonely creepy guys continuously email/DM/messaged her disgusting messages or simply treated her like a diapered piece of meat. STOP THAT BEHAVIOR. It's the most unattractive thing there is about our community and this isn't only a guys issues. I see woman doing it as well but normally it's from the other perspective as mentioned.

 7. My last piece of advise. Don't settle. If you want a Mommy or Daddy type, Little or Big Type etc. Don't settle. Yes that journey can take a while. If you are willing to walk that road you will find what you are looking for. I did. You can as well... many of us have... simply ask anyone with a partner. They will tell you basically what I would tell you.

[Snugglebear_69]

Very sound advice and a lit of it us remarkably similar to advice I've provided many times over the years myself. I have a wonderful Wife who is involved and an amazing Boyfriend/Daddy as well. We certainly didn't build our relationship on just diapers and distrust or from behind a computer screen in a basement.

[AwakenEvil]

5 minutes ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Very sound advice and a lit of it us remarkably similar to advice I've provided many times over the years myself. I have a wonderful Wife who is involved and an amazing Boyfriend/Daddy as well. We certainly didn't build our relationship on just diapers and distrust or from behind a computer screen in a basement.

I said that to numerous folks. If diapers are the only reason you're together it will fail.

For me... what made me decide my wife was the one. It was a few weeks intonour dating where we were also seeing other people. I had a white 99 Mustang GT with a blower. I had a clutch cable snap on my way to work. I was about 45 minutes from home and another hour in another direction to get a clutch cable. I had called everyone of my friends and family and none of them could help me. She was my last person to call and she took that day off to take me to the parts store and stood by me while I changed it out. She probably doesn't know but that night I bailed on 3 of the other woman I was dating for her. Something told me she was the one at that point!

[minachan16]

This is bait, isn't it? The misogyny sprinkled throughout like a rancid dressing, the adoration of yourself, the threat to ban anyone who disagrees with one of your points?

This is bait.

I'm sad for you.

 

[saltedcaramel64]

1 hour ago, minachan16 said:

This is bait, isn't it? The misogyny sprinkled throughout like a rancid dressing, the adoration of yourself, the threat to ban anyone who disagrees with one of your points?

This is bait.

I'm sad for you.

 

If you only have a hammer in your tool box, everything looks like a nail.  You need to expand your world view.   If after reading that all you can think to say is this?  If anything exists outside of your narrow view you want to burn it.

I thought the advice was very good .  I've been married to a supportive and wonderful woman for almost two decades and this advice is exactly what many single people need to hear.  

[AwakenEvil]

It's my point of view. Never once said I would ban anyone. I said this was about people coming to me asking how I found a partner in our community. You can feel how ever you wish. The fact is still all I mentioned was I'm not going to have a debate with someone that feels like you Mina.

[LonesomeLamp]

To be fair to Mina, some of that did come off as a fair bit harsh, but it is still pretty good advice, regardless. The main takeaways are spot-on. Your (potential) partner should know early on what you’re about and you should know them too. If they’re willing to try to meet your desires, you should try to meet theirs. Relationships aren’t one-gives-all. All people involved need to put in equal efforts. That’s where the strength comes from. Even if it doesn’t work out in the end, as long as everyone tried their best (and *actually* tried), you can still keep a strong friendship.

When you mentioned the creepy messages, oml, I cringed, and there was nothing to cringe at! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen creepy interactions online where one person just hops in and gets straight to “being sexy” (?). At least try to make yourself look like you care the slightest about them as a human being! I’ve kinda put myself in a situation where I’m going to be meeting someone soon. We met in a chat room meant purely for 18+ purposes, but he started the dm not by asking for pics, but by asking about me. I will admit that I kinda forced him to act as a temporary therapist for me when we first started messaging, but still. He learned my interests and questions and talked to me about how he’d handle..me.. Anyway, point is, that was a great point. Just general talking to each other first is a much, much better approach than getting directly to the nitty-gritty, even when the nitty-gritty was the sole intent of starting the conversation.

Know what? I’m gonna continue with my previous..thing to go back to the first point I talked about. When we first started talking, I told him that I was new to the entire everything and that I wish to explore myself. I told him everything. His response? He said he would go gentle and take his time. He wouldn’t pressure me to do something I don’t want while pushing the things I do want but need help with. He built up that layer of trust without getting overly sexual; only being sexual enough to cover the topic at hand. Read the room (or in this case, read the other person) and try not to overstep your bounds way early on. In fact, once you feel comfortable enough to take that step, make it a smaller one and keep reading the person. Even when they’re comfortable with you, it’s still easy to make the wrong move. They’ll just be a little more tolerable/forgiving for it.

I will counter your first point tho. Based on not just the abdl community, but others too, there are more abdl out there than you’d think. Many may not be into using them and many are a bit scared to try, but they are out there. Tbh, it should be made easier for us to find each other. Regardless, if you do find a dl who doesn’t use or is afraid to, you can gently nudge them to try it, but only nudge them. Some only need the nudge and some are as planted in their ways as a billion-year-old fossilized tree (this point kinda fell back into trust didn’t it lol).

[Elfy]

10 hours ago, AwakenEvil said:

Woman are going to overlook you and whatever you may have to offer because woman want relationship that normally in marriage and kids. That's a fact. I'm not here to debate that fact. You can argue it and I'll block you. Not the point of this post.

Woman. You need to really look at how you advertise yourself. Most guys love to toss dollar bills at strippers but how many of those Chad's would marry one? Ask yourself that question honestly. If you have only fans, always asking for hand outs and you think your time is worth $ per minute... you'll have a sad life either 5 cats in your future.

This part is pretty yikes.

[KittyMerriweather]

10 hours ago, AwakenEvil said:

.

10 hours ago, AwakenEvil said:

If all you have to offer is being in a diaper and pissing/shitting yourself in your parents basement odds are you'll be single for a while.

6. Stop coming off as creepy

Louder please. There are still a few who don't get it I see

[Babyboyd]

On 3/10/2022 at 10:14 PM, KittyMerriweather said:

Louder please. There are still a few who don't get it I see

I 100% agree!!!! 
 

ps miss you miss kitten ?

[FretaBWet]

On 3/10/2022 at 3:23 PM, minachan16 said:

This is bait, isn't it? The misogyny sprinkled throughout like a rancid dressing, the adoration of yourself, the threat to ban anyone who disagrees with one of your points?

This is bait.

I'm sad for you.

 

I read Awaken's post twice and I don't see how it's misogynistic. I defend your right to express your opinion but I feel the need to express my disagreement. I would like to point out that you didn't give a single example of how or why it's misogynistic. Maybe you're confusing the bluntness of his post as misogyny?

Hugs,

Freta

[AwakenEvil]

2 hours ago, FretaBWet said:

I read Awaken's post twice and I don't see how it's misogynistic. I defend your right to express your opinion but I feel the need to express my disagreement. I would like to point out that you didn't give a single example of how or why it's misogynistic. Maybe you're confusing the bluntness of his post as misogyny?

Hugs,

Freta

Thank Freta. Honestly we all have experiences with relationships. My actual intention of this thread was to actually start a conversation of what to do and not do when looking for a partner. These suggestions are simply my perspective and those that have others I'd encourage them to add them. What I didn't want to happen was bashing one another for their perspectives when seeking out a partner.

[FretaBWet]

I have a partner that participates in AB activities. I met her through FetLife but we are more than our mutual fetish. When we met online I was already a regular at the local Kansas City munches. As you know Awaken, I was active in the littles community with friends both local and at some distance. We are a couple first and diapers are just a part of that.

I'm going to agree with what Awaken said in this thread. He was giving everybody a road map for how to arrive where they want to be. The map he put out there isn't the only way to get there. Others have arrived at the same place through luck or chance or because they knew someone. He was trying to give everybody a map of the most reliable way of getting there. Sort of like saying take the interstate rather than Route 66.

If someone gives you a roadmap but your too scared to drive you're likely never going to get there. You have to drive and that means getting out and actually meeting somebody. Can you do it in the DD chat room? Sure you can but honestly do you really want to leave it to blind luck? Think of it as the lottery, spending time in the chat room is like buying your weekly ticket or two but you wouldn't use that as your means of supporting yourself would you?

I've been to Capcon twice. It's one of the best things I've ever done. I've met people from all over North America and some from overseas. These were real people sharing the littles experience in whatever flavor they loved. There are places and events there for those identifying as middles or tweens. They aren't interested in wearing diapers but they can relate because we all share age play.

There are munches most everywhere through FetLife but they are not going to call you up and beg you to come. You have to take the initiative. You have to join and set up a page. You have to look up the littles groups and events in your vicinity. If you don't see a group or munch within your area then make one yourself. Think of it as your Field of Dreams. If you build it they will come. We're not even talking about investing money to do these things. The munches I went to were in a room in a restaurant and everybody just paid for what they wanted to eat or drink. There were times someone just had water and hung out and that was great.

Hugs,

Freta

[Feliks]

You cannot take experience away from anyone. You can try to deny it or label as misogynistic but. Damn.

I have always seen in interactions with people, a woman is interested in a guy or starts dating, and her friends (man or woman, stop assuming) always ask, what does he do? Where is he from? Does he live alone? 

Part of it is status but also the other part is sniffing out to see if you're a reliable character with priorities in order. Head on straight. Responsible. Capable of creative a good future. 

It's totally true.

Especially in our time, one income is not enough to make it. Unless you're extremely successful. It takes 2 to make it work on average, and if you're not pulling your weight but just like diapers, it's going to be lonely.

[AwakenEvil]

3 minutes ago, Feliks said:

You cannot take experience away from anyone. You can try to deny it or label as misogynistic but. Damn.

I have always seen in interactions with people, a woman is interested in a guy or starts dating, and her friends (man or woman, stop assuming) always ask, what does he do? Where is he from? Does he live alone? 

Part of it is status but also the other part is sniffing out to see if you're a reliable character with priorities in order. Head on straight. Responsible. Capable of creative a good future. 

It's totally true.

Especially in our time, one income is not enough to make it. Unless you're extremely successful. It takes 2 to make it work on average, and if you're not pulling your weight but just like diapers, it's going to be lonely.

Definitely true about duel incomes! Everything today is just expensive!

[Feliks]

And I totally don't want to come off as condescending or make a fetish seem less valid. It's not about that.

But it's reality. Ok, for instance, this, I'm in so much trouble right now I know now isn't the time to date. Last week my vehicle was in the shop getting ridiculously expensive repairs. It's old, but I love it. And I'm not trying to date right now because, well, all the other problems.

But, that week that my car was in the shop, I borrowed a new vehicle. Everyone thought I finally get rid of my old P.O.S. lol

Suddenlyi was treated nicer. People were getting all flirty with me.

A week later I got my car back. First thing I heard when I got out? "Uhg? Why'd he get that thing back?".

It's over lol! It was a nice week though.