My ABDL desires disappeared or almost went away?

[Allie_]

Hi Everyone,

I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone else. I’ve considered myself an ABDL of some form or another for a long time, since I was in high school. With that came the usual tendencies, sneaking diapers when I was younger, buying my own when I could. I started out as mostly just interested in diapers, but over time I became more interested in AB stuff too. I really liked the cuteness of DD/LG, stuffed animals, cute clothes, etc. But my main interest was always wearing diapers, I loved it. By the time I was an adult and living on my own I was wearing diapers regularly, sometimes 24/7 for a week at a time or more, and wearing diapers almost every night. I’ve always had a small bladder, so it was very common for me to wear diapers or at least goodnites anytime I was worried about finding a bathroom, going to the movies, long car rides, even just running errands. Safe to say they’ve been a big part of my life for a while. This is probably where I should say that I’m trans, male to female. I knew this even when my abdl interests were first starting, and I’ve been transitioned since my early twenties, for several years now. I only bring this up because I’ve noticed something. I recently had gender confirmation surgery, aka a sex change operation. It’s great and very affirming, and I’m very happy I had it. But I’ve noticed that since the procedure my desire to engage in abdl activities, and especially to wear diapers, has drastically decreased, or at the very least dramatically evolved. At first I just kind of chalked this up to having major surgery, and kind of figured it would happen. Plus diapers and surgery in that area don’t mix, and I knew I’d be taking a break for quite a while during my healing phase. With this in mind, I wore diapers so much in the months before my surgery. I figured it would suck to not have them for so long, so I wanted to make the most of still being able to wear. I wore close to 24/7 for several weeks and it was great. After surgery I expected to really be craving to get back into diapers, but that wasn’t the case. I had no desire to wear diapers at all, and even now that I’m fully healed and could wear diapers, I don’t really want to. And that’s just so odd to me. It’s not like I have a low sex drive, that’s totally returned since surgery and If anything is higher now that I’m more comfortable with my body. I’ve heard of people trying to get rid of their abdl desires, I definitely tried when I was younger, but I just had this overwhelming urge to wear and I always went back to diapers. But like that’s gone now. That’s not to say that I hate diapers, I’ve worn them recently and didn’t mind it, and I wouldn’t freak out if I had to wear one like the average person probably would. But that rush, and comfort and sense of safety that I used to get isn’t there, it was just a diaper, not terrible,  but not special either. And the biggest change is I know now If I got rid of all my diapers (and trust me there are a lot lol) I wouldn’t mind. I don’t feel like I need them anymore. I could have a partner who’s vanilla and never bring up my past Abdl interests and I’d be fine. But here’s the really weird thing, ever since my surgery my desire to take care of someone in diapers or be a mommy to a little or DL has greatly increased. Like now if I think about diapers I prefer thinking about someone else in diapers, or changing someone’s diaper, doing diaper checks etc. This is totally the opposite of how I was before, I’d never had any desire to take on any role but the little or DL or LG. I only ever wanted to be the one in diapers and be the one taken care of. I guess my question is, has this happened to anyone else? What are the communities general thoughts? And for anyone who switched from little to caregiver, does any of this sound familiar?  I just don’t know how I go from loving diapers to being indifferent at best. 

[Spiderman]

Yep it happens to all of us it is called the good old bing and purge cycle where you wear diapers a long and then one day you just want to purge and get rid of everything.

[Allie_]

11 minutes ago, Spiderman said:

Yep it happens to all of us it is called the good old bing and purge cycle where you wear diapers a long and then one day you just want to purge and get rid of everything.

Thanks, but I don’t think it’s that. I binged and purged for years, and this feels very different. It’s also been several months, and my longest purge before was a few weeks at most. I also have no desire to get rid of all my stuff. I still have it all, just sitting there. 

[spark]

8 minutes ago, Allie_ said:

Thanks, but I don’t think it’s that. I binged and purged for years, and this feels very different. It’s also been several months, and my longest purge before was a few weeks at most. I also have no desire to get rid of all my stuff. I still have it all, just sitting there. 

How long has it been since your surgery?  That could play a role, or it could be that diapers gave you a need that you no longer have.

The nice thing about desires and not being incontinent is that if you don't want to wear- don't wear.

 

[Allie_]

20 minutes ago, spark said:

How long has it been since your surgery?  That could play a role, or it could be that diapers gave you a need that you no longer have.

The nice thing about desires and not being incontinent is that if you don't want to wear- don't wear.

 

It’s been about 8 months at this point. And maybe I am just purging, but I felt like I got over that a while ago, I haven’t purged in a long time. I think the biggest thing to me is switching from wanting to be more of a little to more of a mommy? Like I don’t hate diapers, I’m still attracted to diapers, just not on me, or at least not very much on me.  But like if I dated a guy who was randomly into diapers I would love to take care of him, although I don’t think I’d seek it out. And that’s not something I ever really wanted before. It just feels like my whole attraction to Abdl stuff has been reoriented.  I do think wearing diapers was a major stress reliever for me at a time in my life when I wasn’t very happy, and maybe I don’t need that as much anymore. Kind of a shame though, diapers were very convenient lol. I’ll probably keep them around for a while, at least until I move or something. I don’t really see a reason to get rid of them. And ironically my bladder has actually gotten a little weaker after my surgery, and I’ve had a few actual accidents since then. So on a couple occasions I’ve worn goodnites out of pure need, when I was worried about a plane ride and a long drive. So the occasional diaper might have to continue to be part of my life. 

[spark]

3 hours ago, Allie_ said:

It’s been about 8 months at this point. And maybe I am just purging, but I felt like I got over that a while ago, I haven’t purged in a long time. I think the biggest thing to me is switching from wanting to be more of a little to more of a mommy? Like I don’t hate diapers, I’m still attracted to diapers, just not on me, or at least not very much on me.  But like if I dated a guy who was randomly into diapers I would love to take care of him, although I don’t think I’d seek it out. And that’s not something I ever really wanted before. It just feels like my whole attraction to Abdl stuff has been reoriented.  I do think wearing diapers was a major stress reliever for me at a time in my life when I wasn’t very happy, and maybe I don’t need that as much anymore. Kind of a shame though, diapers were very convenient lol. I’ll probably keep them around for a while, at least until I move or something. I don’t really see a reason to get rid of them. And ironically my bladder has actually gotten a little weaker after my surgery, and I’ve had a few actual accidents since then. So on a couple occasions I’ve worn goodnites out of pure need, when I was worried about a plane ride and a long drive. So the occasional diaper might have to continue to be part of my life. 

I usually think: We've seen this before, but that's not true with you.   You've recently had a big change in your life, and I think it makes sense.  Diapers and AB items feel a need, and if that is no longer present, it goes away.

[Little Cub Pants]

5 hours ago, Spiderman said:

Yep it happens to all of us it is called the good old bing and purge cycle where you wear diapers a long and then one day you just want to purge and get rid of everything.

It hasn't happened to me, I NEVER binge and purge! I love wearing my diapies!???☺️❤️????????

[MegaChar]

There are 3 different types of abdls when is comes to desires:

Binge and Plunge: Pretty common traits among a sizeable about of abdla. Its formed out of potty training and being shamed for regressing during childhood. You can put on that diaper and or suck on that paci for a while then afterwards its makes you feel very bad and you just want to throw it all away. You feel mentally like you did a horrible thing so you throw away all your toddler hood supplies until later when you want to buy it- Hence Binge/ Plunge.

Solution to this is you will have to figure out the potty training methods used then be brave and confront it. You will have to face your fears.

Mellow out: I'm starting to have this. You start out just bonkers craving for toddlerhood supplies to the point that you would steal or do unhealthy things but overtime as you age You "mellow out". Or the desires slowly gets weaker as you age.

Solution for this is that i found that abdl desires can be pegged to your testosterone levels which decreases overtime( you see where im getting at?) I do notice my energy levels are falling too. You can try to keep it up to see if it helps or just live life and let things happen normally. You still will be interested but just not much when your getting up in age

 

The Stable Craving: Not so often but you do read of abdls who are pretty consistent in their wants and cravings. They can't increase or decrease those desires.

[Sailor Snow]

Im also a trans woman i havent had surgery but have been on hormones. I once discussed my dl stuff with my psychologist, i didnt want to at first but she thought it was important becaus with transition a lot can change with sexsual stuff. She also asked if i liked wearing diaper becaus they really helped with covering up that part, i said that wasnt part of it for me. However i can understand that.

So maybe the diaper covering up the genitals was something you liked about it but wasnt something you thought about. But i can also imagine that after grs your preferences for this kind of stuff might change a bit. Especially becaus diapers are pretty much always toutching the genital area. 

I might of course be totally wrong here?. But your story made me think of that conversation. 

 

[saltedcaramel64]

Thats really great that you lost your abdl compulsions!  Maybe your issues were instead about your revulsion about being a man.  Since you are now considered to be 100% woman you can live a new life and drop the abdl stuff forever. Bully for you!

[diaperwearntigger]

I get this way when I am extremely busy and can't focus on the lil because all of my time has to be an adult (just went through this), but once life calms down again, like now, the lil always comes back and usually in full force.

[Allie_]

12 hours ago, MegaChar said:Solution for this is that i found that abdl desires can be pegged to your testosterone levels which decreases overtime( you see where im getting at?) I do notice my energy levels are falling too. You can try to keep it up to see if it helps or just live life and let things happen normally. You still will be interested but just not much when your getting up in age

That’s very interesting and I think you’re on to something. I started testosterone blockers and estrogen injections in college and now that I think about it I would say that my desire to wear diapers went down a little?? Like based on how much I wore during and after college my actual diaper wearing didn’t go down, but I think the compulsiveness of it went away, if that makes sense. Like before that I  felt this very strong need to wear diapers, there was binging and purging like you mentioned a lot of ABDLs went through. But after I started hormone therapy there wasn’t as much a need to wear, it was more controllable and based on when I really wanted to wear and not just some compulsion. To use your word it was much more mellow. I guess now that I don’t have any testosterone maybe it’s mellowed out fully? Like I said I don’t hate my diaper stash or addl stuff, I don’t have any shame associated with abdl like I did at one time, I’m just kind of neutral or indifferent about it. 

12 hours ago, Sailor Snow said:

Im also a trans woman i havent had surgery but have been on hormones. I once discussed my dl stuff with my psychologist, i didnt want to at first but she thought it was important becaus with transition a lot can change with sexsual stuff. She also asked if i liked wearing diaper becaus they really helped with covering up that part, i said that wasnt part of it for me. However i can understand that.

So maybe the diaper covering up the genitals was something you liked about it but wasnt something you thought about. But i can also imagine that after grs your preferences for this kind of stuff might change a bit. Especially becaus diapers are pretty much always toutching the genital area. 

I might of course be totally wrong here?. But your story made me think of that conversation. 

 

 

Oh gosh you’re so brave for talking with your psychologist about it! I kinda skirted around it when my therapist and I were talking about sex life stuff. I just said I wasn’t vanilla and was sort of into older guys and that power dynamic. Which I guess isn’t a lie, and since she was also a couples and sex therapist she probably wouldn’t have minded if I brought up the ABDL stuff, but I didn’t want to risk anything when really all I wanted was a surgery letter. Also maybe off topic, but speaking of sexual stuff changing with hormones, that totally happened to me. I was really just into guys growing up, I was out as a gay dude in high school, and wasn’t attracted to women at all. But when I started hormones I kept my attraction to men but also started being attracted to women sometimes, and now would say I’m bi/pan. My therapist said usually it goes the other way, but it’s not unheard of. But when it comes to ABDL stuff my interest is still only with men, not women. I don’t have any desire to have a mommy or a little who’s a woman, even though when it comes to non abdl stuff and relationships I would be open to dating a woman.
 

Anyway, back to what you were saying about diapers and genitals, I didn’t want to bring it up because it’s maybe a little embarrassing lol, but I think you’re right. Like at least for me, the equipment I had before made diaper wearing much more enjoyable. There were lots of other reasons I didn’t like what I had, but wearing diapers was not one of them. Especially after you’d been in a diaper for a while, it just felt good. And on the few occasions I’ve worn diapers since my surgery, it certainly hasn’t felt bad, but it doesn’t feel nearly as nice as it did. And you’re probably right that a lot of that comes down to having more external genitalia. I hate to think that a lot of my Abdl desires could basically be chalked up to “it felt good in that area to wear diapers”, but at least physically I think that was a lot of it. I don’t know if it explains everything, but I think it’s a very interesting thought. 
 

I also definitely liked diapers because it hid that area! That was very much a reason I was attracted to them growing up. I also thought it was easier to get girl diapers than it was women’s clothing. Like in my mind buying a package of girl’s goodnite’s as a “boy” was easier than buying women’s clothing, at least it seemed less suspicious to me lol. So I think I liked diapers because it gave me a way to have some gender affirming things during a time when that might have been more difficult. Like I don’t think ever once in my life have I bought boy’s style goodnites, even when I was pre transition. but I’ve gotten a bunch of girl’s goodnites, they were one of my go to diapers, I think I have about 4 packs on my diaper shelf right now lol. 

[dl_ashlee]

I'm in similar, but slight different boat. Its actually been about 3 years since I stopped wearing and haven't really thought about it, until I saw an email from bambino the other day. I think more out of nostalgia I can back to check on the forums and such, I have checked out some sites like once or twice a year since stopping, but really didn't feel the need to go back to wearing.

I should say I'm also MtF and my egg cracked about 3 years ago, which is also when I stopped wearing. So there's no question being that transition has pretty much nullified my cravings to wear diapers. Although for some stress relief, role playing a nurturing mommy with me as the baby could be nice, every now then.  Was sucking my girlfriends nipples the other day and it reminded me of that. 

I was wondering if anyone else had posted on this issue. I've been on HRT for a year and 3 months, but started dressing/transitioning pre-HRT about 3 years ago. Got an orchiectomy two weeks ago. Might some day get zero depth SRS, but removal of the testes has made a world of difference. HRT has made me more horny in a vanilla way with my girlfriend (she's 8 months on HRT also MtF). She's certainly totally vanilla, I'm on the "very light BDSM" side of kink. I don't want to ruin the relationship, so I'd never tell her about me being an ABDL in the past, its not who I am now.

No shame to anyone who indulges in this DL fetish or ABDL lifestyle, its just not really necessary for me anymore. It helped me cope over the years a whole lot, so I have no ill feelings towards it. 

[spark]

On 2/10/2022 at 4:49 PM, dl_ashlee said:

I'm in similar, but slight different boat. Its actually been about 3 years since I stopped wearing and haven't really thought about it, until I saw an email from bambino the other day. I think more out of nostalgia I can back to check on the forums and such, I have checked out some sites like once or twice a year since stopping, but really didn't feel the need to go back to wearing.

I should say I'm also MtF and my egg cracked about 3 years ago, which is also when I stopped wearing. So there's no question being that transition has pretty much nullified my cravings to wear diapers. Although for some stress relief, role playing a nurturing mommy with me as the baby could be nice, every now then.  Was sucking my girlfriends nipples the other day and it reminded me of that. 

I was wondering if anyone else had posted on this issue. I've been on HRT for a year and 3 months, but started dressing/transitioning pre-HRT about 3 years ago. Got an orchiectomy two weeks ago. Might some day get zero depth SRS, but removal of the testes has made a world of difference. HRT has made me more horny in a vanilla way with my girlfriend (she's 8 months on HRT also MtF). She's certainly totally vanilla, I'm on the "very light BDSM" side of kink. I don't want to ruin the relationship, so I'd never tell her about me being an ABDL in the past, its not who I am now.

No shame to anyone who indulges in this DL fetish or ABDL lifestyle, its just not really necessary for me anymore. It helped me cope over the years a whole lot, so I have no ill feelings towards it. 

It would be interesting to see if this is long-term, and just being able to be who you really are is enough to hold off.  Obviously I get stress relief and anxiety relief from diapers and regression, but I haven't had the significant that you've had. 

You said that losing your testes made you more horny with traditional sex acts and you have light BSDM.  Does that mean that your desires were more of the sexual nature, as opposed to the comfort level (little)?

[dl_ashlee]

On 2/12/2022 at 3:38 PM, spark said:

It would be interesting to see if this is long-term, and just being able to be who you really are is enough to hold off.  Obviously I get stress relief and anxiety relief from diapers and regression, but I haven't had the significant that you've had. 

You said that losing your testes made you more horny with traditional sex acts and you have light BSDM.  Does that mean that your desires were more of the sexual nature, as opposed to the comfort level (little)?

In my teens it started off as completely sexual. As I got older it became less sexual and more comfort. Pacifiers and onesies and such were comforting to be reminded of those times when you didn't have to worry about anything as you're mom did that all for you. I had fantasies of being held by a mom and being breast fed, also getting my diapers changed. Although I'd not be into her treating me like a baby or me acting like one. 

BDSM is completely separate from this side of me. Some light pain can really intensify sexual experiences, such as being spanked (for pure pleasure, not anything to do with being an ABDL). Along with being tied up and "not having control" over what my partner is doing to me, but its very much "light bdsm", its all about increasing sexual pleasure.

I had the balls removed 3 weeks ago, so things are still in flux. I have waves of sexual intensity. Also the incision is still very much healing, so even though I've orgasmed several times since the surgery, I have to be careful down there still. 

I don't see it so much as holding off as having nostalgia about something that once brought me comfort. Transition has changed me in so many ways that I'm barely the same person I was before transition. So even though I'm nostalgic about it, I don't feel doing it now would even bring the same comfort to me that it did pre-transition.