Allie_

That’s very interesting and I think you’re on to something. I started testosterone blockers and estrogen injections in college and now that I think about it I would say that my desire to wear diapers went down a little?? Like based on how much I wore during and after college my actual diaper wearing didn’t go down, but I think the compulsiveness of it went away, if that makes sense. Like before that I felt this very strong need to wear diapers, there was binging and purging like you mentioned a lot of ABDLs went through. But after I started hormone therapy there wasn’t as much a need to wear, it was more controllable and based on when I really wanted to wear and not just some compulsion. To use your word it was much more mellow. I guess now that I don’t have any testosterone maybe it’s mellowed out fully? Like I said I don’t hate my diaper stash or addl stuff, I don’t have any shame associated with abdl like I did at one time, I’m just kind of neutral or indifferent about it. Oh gosh you’re so brave for talking with your psychologist about it! I kinda skirted around it when my therapist and I were talking about sex life stuff. I just said I wasn’t vanilla and was sort of into older guys and that power dynamic. Which I guess isn’t a lie, and since she was also a couples and sex therapist she probably wouldn’t have minded if I brought up the ABDL stuff, but I didn’t want to risk anything when really all I wanted was a surgery letter. Also maybe off topic, but speaking of sexual stuff changing with hormones, that totally happened to me. I was really just into guys growing up, I was out as a gay dude in high school, and wasn’t attracted to women at all. But when I started hormones I kept my attraction to men but also started being attracted to women sometimes, and now would say I’m bi/pan. My therapist said usually it goes the other way, but it’s not unheard of. But when it comes to ABDL stuff my interest is still only with men, not women. I don’t have any desire to have a mommy or a little who’s a woman, even though when it comes to non abdl stuff and relationships I would be open to dating a woman. Anyway, back to what you were saying about diapers and genitals, I didn’t want to bring it up because it’s maybe a little embarrassing lol, but I think you’re right. Like at least for me, the equipment I had before made diaper wearing much more enjoyable. There were lots of other reasons I didn’t like what I had, but wearing diapers was not one of them. Especially after you’d been in a diaper for a while, it just felt good. And on the few occasions I’ve worn diapers since my surgery, it certainly hasn’t felt bad, but it doesn’t feel nearly as nice as it did. And you’re probably right that a lot of that comes down to having more external genitalia. I hate to think that a lot of my Abdl desires could basically be chalked up to “it felt good in that area to wear diapers”, but at least physically I think that was a lot of it. I don’t know if it explains everything, but I think it’s a very interesting thought. I also definitely liked diapers because it hid that area! That was very much a reason I was attracted to them growing up. I also thought it was easier to get girl diapers than it was women’s clothing. Like in my mind buying a package of girl’s goodnite’s as a “boy” was easier than buying women’s clothing, at least it seemed less suspicious to me lol. So I think I liked diapers because it gave me a way to have some gender affirming things during a time when that might have been more difficult. Like I don’t think ever once in my life have I bought boy’s style goodnites, even when I was pre transition. but I’ve gotten a bunch of girl’s goodnites, they were one of my go to diapers, I think I have about 4 packs on my diaper shelf right now lol.

It’s been about 8 months at this point. And maybe I am just purging, but I felt like I got over that a while ago, I haven’t purged in a long time. I think the biggest thing to me is switching from wanting to be more of a little to more of a mommy? Like I don’t hate diapers, I’m still attracted to diapers, just not on me, or at least not very much on me. But like if I dated a guy who was randomly into diapers I would love to take care of him, although I don’t think I’d seek it out. And that’s not something I ever really wanted before. It just feels like my whole attraction to Abdl stuff has been reoriented. I do think wearing diapers was a major stress reliever for me at a time in my life when I wasn’t very happy, and maybe I don’t need that as much anymore. Kind of a shame though, diapers were very convenient lol. I’ll probably keep them around for a while, at least until I move or something. I don’t really see a reason to get rid of them. And ironically my bladder has actually gotten a little weaker after my surgery, and I’ve had a few actual accidents since then. So on a couple occasions I’ve worn goodnites out of pure need, when I was worried about a plane ride and a long drive. So the occasional diaper might have to continue to be part of my life.

Thanks, but I don’t think it’s that. I binged and purged for years, and this feels very different. It’s also been several months, and my longest purge before was a few weeks at most. I also have no desire to get rid of all my stuff. I still have it all, just sitting there.

Hi Everyone, I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone else. I’ve considered myself an ABDL of some form or another for a long time, since I was in high school. With that came the usual tendencies, sneaking diapers when I was younger, buying my own when I could. I started out as mostly just interested in diapers, but over time I became more interested in AB stuff too. I really liked the cuteness of DD/LG, stuffed animals, cute clothes, etc. But my main interest was always wearing diapers, I loved it. By the time I was an adult and living on my own I was wearing diapers regularly, sometimes 24/7 for a week at a time or more, and wearing diapers almost every night. I’ve always had a small bladder, so it was very common for me to wear diapers or at least goodnites anytime I was worried about finding a bathroom, going to the movies, long car rides, even just running errands. Safe to say they’ve been a big part of my life for a while. This is probably where I should say that I’m trans, male to female. I knew this even when my abdl interests were first starting, and I’ve been transitioned since my early twenties, for several years now. I only bring this up because I’ve noticed something. I recently had gender confirmation surgery, aka a sex change operation. It’s great and very affirming, and I’m very happy I had it. But I’ve noticed that since the procedure my desire to engage in abdl activities, and especially to wear diapers, has drastically decreased, or at the very least dramatically evolved. At first I just kind of chalked this up to having major surgery, and kind of figured it would happen. Plus diapers and surgery in that area don’t mix, and I knew I’d be taking a break for quite a while during my healing phase. With this in mind, I wore diapers so much in the months before my surgery. I figured it would suck to not have them for so long, so I wanted to make the most of still being able to wear. I wore close to 24/7 for several weeks and it was great. After surgery I expected to really be craving to get back into diapers, but that wasn’t the case. I had no desire to wear diapers at all, and even now that I’m fully healed and could wear diapers, I don’t really want to. And that’s just so odd to me. It’s not like I have a low sex drive, that’s totally returned since surgery and If anything is higher now that I’m more comfortable with my body. I’ve heard of people trying to get rid of their abdl desires, I definitely tried when I was younger, but I just had this overwhelming urge to wear and I always went back to diapers. But like that’s gone now. That’s not to say that I hate diapers, I’ve worn them recently and didn’t mind it, and I wouldn’t freak out if I had to wear one like the average person probably would. But that rush, and comfort and sense of safety that I used to get isn’t there, it was just a diaper, not terrible, but not special either. And the biggest change is I know now If I got rid of all my diapers (and trust me there are a lot lol) I wouldn’t mind. I don’t feel like I need them anymore. I could have a partner who’s vanilla and never bring up my past Abdl interests and I’d be fine. But here’s the really weird thing, ever since my surgery my desire to take care of someone in diapers or be a mommy to a little or DL has greatly increased. Like now if I think about diapers I prefer thinking about someone else in diapers, or changing someone’s diaper, doing diaper checks etc. This is totally the opposite of how I was before, I’d never had any desire to take on any role but the little or DL or LG. I only ever wanted to be the one in diapers and be the one taken care of. I guess my question is, has this happened to anyone else? What are the communities general thoughts? And for anyone who switched from little to caregiver, does any of this sound familiar? I just don’t know how I go from loving diapers to being indifferent at best.