ever feel like you are damned if you do, damned if you dont?

[feralfreak]

excuse me for venting again,

 

ever feel like you are damned if you do, damned if you dont, and cant tell anyone because they might not understand where you are coming from? or they might say they cant get involved or give bad advice?

tonight mom(a cardiac patient, and since she got her TAVR has had FREQUENT chest pains after eating) asked for ice cream, now you might think "well thats nothing whats the problem?" the problem is i have to try to help her cut out acidic foods, hoping that the chest pains are GERD and not her heart, its all new adventures of stress and fear EVERY FUCKING TIME she gets chest pain, worse when she has to take a 2nd hit of nitro because she was told "if you need more than 2 hits get to the er" and the closest er is garbage as i said before. if i dont give her what she wants i hear "if i cant have anything i want i might as well be dead", and i am TRYING TO KEEP HER ALIVE!!!! its like im connected to electrodes, bolted to me so nothing i can do, and forced to push 1 of 2 buttons, both shock me, if i dont push i get shocked anyway! i wish i was strong enough to step out infront of a bus or something, but im too much of a coward. she gives me chest pain, i dont tell her because then she will make me go to the damn hospital and a whole bunch of shit that i dont want, i dont want anything keeping me from when my time to leave this meatsuit and hang with Jesus comes, i wish he would take me sooner. what the fuck am i suppose to do? give her shit that will plug her arteries and see her in the hospital until one of us (me, please God, me) dies? or tell her "no, you cant take acidic food anymore, it gives you chest pain" and have her getting pissed at me and possibly causing her stress that she gets another (4th) HEART ATTACK anyway? i told her before, in no uncertain terms, the exact words "you are going to give me a heart attack", one of the times she was in for chest pain before her last bypass, she laughed, i told her "im serious" and she said "i know"

[BabyJune]

Only around tax time.

[TammyG]

Usually in connexion with dealing with people who aren't autistic to whom often there's so many "hidden" rules and "real" meanings in how you talk and act that it's worse than trying to play a part in performance!

It just eats up all my energy at times.