classification Classified: Stellar Remnants (Completed 1/29/2023)

[YourFNF]

I have to admit though a lot of this is appealing to my feral little catgirl brain..... Food!? And warm place to sleep!? And I shan't even have to do scullery duties!? Will there be other girls!? With video games, cuddles, and maybe even *Whispers* kissing!? Can I go? can I? can I?!! *Rubs against legs and Niahs, while looking sad in a stained oversized hoody and thigh highs* ??

[Brutal_Ink]

Chapter 7: Isolation

The walk along the nature track is peaceful. 

There’s a small stream that follows most of it, and there are small fish that swim in the water.

Lily allows herself a small smile at the idyllicity of her surroundings. This is probably the calmest she’s felt since she’s arrived. No one over her shoulder monitoring her every move, just a nice, quiet walk through nature.

Aden walks beside her in companionable silence, stopping occasionally to collect small, smooth stones from near the stream’s bank.

Lily sits down near the stream’s bank and removes her shoes and socks, letting her feet soak in the cool water. It’s warm out, not hot enough that she’s tempted to go for a swim, but enough that having her feet in the water is refreshing. The sound of the flowing water is sort of making her have to pee again though...

Aden sits down next to her, but he sits cross-legged instead. “Coin for your thoughts?” He asks softly? “You’re normally pretty quiet, but you haven’t said a word to me other than ‘hi’. What’s up?”

Lily just sighs. “I feel...off.” She finally says after a pregnant pause.

“‘Off’ how?” Aden flicks his wrist, sending one of his stones skittering over the water’s surface.

Lily watches it go before speaking. “Everyone looks at me weird.” She explains. “My hands won’t stop shaking, I can’t eat or sleep, and now all the staff are looking at me like I’m a basket case or something.” Lily sniffles.

“They’re probably just worried about you. This is a correction facility, sure, but everyone on staff is a Caregiver. They know when something’s up most of the time, even if you don’t tell them.” Aden explains, skipping another rock.

“I just...I don’t wanna be here.” Lily confesses.

Aden chuckles. “Yeah. Me neither. That’s kind of the point.” He skips another rock, this time with more force, and it smacks into a tree on the other side of the stream with a thwack!
“I want to go home. I want my life back. I don’t want to be stuck here in a stupid pull-up, talking about my feelings and having my every minute planned out by someone else. I don’t want to be forced into this life. I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t think I should be made to live in a way I don’t want to.”

“That’s fair.” Aden says thoughtfully. “But no one else did either. I’m sure there are Neutrals that would rather be Littles or Caregivers, or some other combination of that, but nobody gets to pick the hand they get dealt in life. Sure, maybe a Neutral could act like a Caregiver, but it won’t feel the same. You can fight being a Little too, if you want. But in the end you’re still gonna wet yourself and get mad over dumb stuff. You’re gonna make stupid decisions sometimes, maybe cry over something without meaning to...that’s just the way it is.” Aden hurls another rock, his face stormy.

“But I don’t want-” Lily begins.

“No one gives a shit what you want Lily!” Aden snaps in a cold whisper. “Do you think I wanted to be a Little? I was gonna be an engineer, design things like bridges, or skyscrapers, maybe build houses for rich people, you know? And then I got Classified and now the best I can hope for is to design Lego sets for Littles. Sure, I can get pretty intricate and it scratches the itch a little. But it will never be the same as the real thing. Sometimes you just have to live with stuff.”

Lily’s mouth falls open, her eyes welling with tears. “Fuck you, Aden. If you’re just gonna be an asshole, then leave me alone. I thought you were my friend.” she says bitterly, flinging a handful of mud at him, but she misses completely.

“I am your friend.” Aden sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I just don’t want you to end up like Carter.”

“‘S’okay. I’m sorry I threw mud at you. Where is Carter anyway? I haven’t seen him since last week.” Lily replies, wiping her hand off on her pant leg.

“They transferred him. He’s at a special facility up north, outside of Red Ridge. Hopefully they can help him get back to normal.”

“Oh.” Lily says. “I hope he gets better.”

“Yeah.” Aden says quietly. “Me too.” He stands up and brushes himself off, discarding the rest of his rocks. “Look. You can do whatever you want, Lily. But you can’t stop this from happening. Maybe try to figure out what you want to do when you get out of here. There’s plenty of things you can still do as a Little, this isn’t all there is to life.”

“But,” Lily begins to protest, but Aden cuts her off again, sounding exasperated.

“Just think about it. Please. Fighting it is only going to make you sick.” Aden says, and then walks off down the trail. 

Lily’s bladder throbs painfully as she stands up, and she immediately knows that she won’t make it to the bathroom in time. Still, that doesn’t stop her from sprinting back toward the playground, where Maisie and the other Room Monitors are. She almost plows into Maisie in her haste, realizing that there’s a chance, however slight, that she might actually avoid an accident.

Before she has time to consider what she’s doing, she’s jumping and squirming in a totally undignified manner, tugging on Maisie’s hand.

“Mimi, please hurry I gotta-” And that’s as far as she gets before she loses the battle, flooding her pull-up in a warm surge. She sniffles, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Maisie scoops her up, patting her bottom gently. The soggy padding feels uncomfortable against her skin. “It’s okay, little one. It’s just an accident, and you did a good job making sure to come tell me that you needed to go potty. We’ll just have to try and be a little quicker next time. Let’s go and get you dry, and then you can play for a few more minutes. It’s almost time for lunch.”

Lily just rests her head on Maisie’s shoulder and cries. 

Maisie doesn’t seem to expect her to respond, she just holds her close and whispers comforting things to her.

Her hands are shaking again, but if Maisie notices, she doesn’t comment on it. 

“How did you get so muddy, Lily?” Maisie wonders, as she tugs down Lily’s sweats and her wet pull-up.

“I was by the stream with Aden.” Lily explains.

“Oh.” Maisie says, sounding a bit puzzled. “Well, I’m glad you were having fun with your friend, but try not to get so dirty next time, okay? You’re going to need a new pair of pants too.”

“Okay.” Lily replies. Her adulthood, she reflects, is a lot like the mud by the stream. The tighter she holds onto it, the more it slips between her fingers.

~CSR~

At lunchtime, Lily feels like she’s under a microscope, even though almost everyone else has already finished eating and gone back outside for more playtime before naps. The only other people in the room are Aden, another L-4 named Karlie, and Maisie.

The trembling in her hands has gotten even worse since her accident, and although it normally doesn’t bother her during mealtimes or when she’s playing, it’s particularly bad today.

For the third time, Lily sloshes some of her drink down her front.

“Motherfucker!” Lily snarls, slamming her cup down on the table with enough force to make her fork and spoon bounce.

“Lily! Time-out, now!” Maisie snaps, standing up from her seat at the front of the room and pointing to the corner.

Lily seethes. It’s bad enough that she’s already had two accidents today--even though Miss Bright kept her promise not to tell anyone about the first one. The last thing she needs right now is to feel even more incompetent.

“No!” She shouts back. “Fuck you!” fueled by her rage, and her desire to be in control of something, anything, she grabs the table and upends it. It’s not very heavy, but it takes more effort to lift than she’d been expecting. Still, the rest of her lunch scatters across the floor, making a huge, gross-looking mess.

Maisie is across the room in seconds, picking Lily up in such a way that she can’t kick or flail about too much.

“Karlie, can you please go outside and tell Jackson to notify the janitor that we need a clean-up in here?” Maisie asks.

Karlie nods immediately, adjusting the bow in her brown hair, her face serious. “Yes ma’am.” She says, and scurries off out the door.

“Put me down!” Lily screams, only to have Maisie cover her mouth, muffling her shouts.

Maisie carries her into the L-2/L-3 changing room, closing the door behind her,

There’s no toilet in here, just a sink, a large changing table stocked with supplies, and a bench on the opposite side of the room, probably for the times when more than one person needs changed at once.

Maisie delivers a firm swat to Lily’s backside upon putting her down. She moves quickly to seize both of Lily’s wrists while keeping herself outside of kicking range.

“What on earth has gotten into you today, Lily?” Maisie demands. “You know better than to behave like you just did. You’ve been doing so well lately, too.” she seems almost sad

“I don’t gots nothin’ to say to you.” Lily says bitterly. “Just spank me and get it over with.”

“No, Lily. That’s not your decision to make. I’m the one who decides how you’ll be punished if you misbehave. If you’re not going to talk to me, we can just sit here until you’re ready to use your words like a big girl.” Maisie says calmly. “I want to help you Lily, but I can’t unless you tell me what’s going on.”

There’s a long, uncomfortable silence.

“I was frustrated.” Lily finally admits, refusing to look at Maisie. “I kept spilling my drink on myself.”

“And instead of asking for help, you decided that the right thing to do was to say a really naughty word, refuse to go to time-out and curse at me, and then flip the table over and make a huge mess. Is that about right?”

Lily’s cheeks burn, and she says nothing in response.

“Because that doesn’t seem like a very big-girl decision to me, Lily. All you had to do was ask for help, and I would’ve gotten you a straw, or a cup with a lid so you didn’t spill. There was no need to be so poorly behaved.” Maisie explains. “So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re wet, so I’m going to put you in a diaper-”

“That’s from my drink!” Lily protests indignantly, eyes welling with tears. “I didn’t have an accident!”

Maisie gives Lily a stern glare. “Lily, I’m really not concerned with where the wetness came from right now. Do not interrupt me again. If you don’t want to be treated like a younger Little, then you need to show that you’re capable of handling the responsibility that comes with the extra fun stuff you get to do. Swearing and flipping over the table is not big-girl behavior at all. So, you’re going to be diapered, and I will feed you your lunch. After that, you’re going to go down for a nice long nap, and then we’ll talk about the rest of your punishment.”

“That’s not fair!” Lily cries.

“And neither is making poor Mr. Cox have to come in and clean the carpets because you couldn’t control your temper, or be enough of a big girl to ask for help when you needed it.” Maisie responds. “If you were prepared to be spanked when you made all those poor choices, then clearly it isn’t an effective consequence.”

Lily trembles with anger and despair, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You’re mean. You’re mean, and I hate you!”

Maisie looks completely unfazed. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Lily. But it’s okay to have those feelings. Maybe a little less responsibility will help you not to feel so stressed out and frustrated, hmm?” She says gently, lifting Lily onto the changing table.

Maisie is very gentle as she diapers Lily, and Lily is too exhausted and consumed by despair to fight back. She just lays there and sobs, embarrassed and angry with herself for being so hot-headed. Maisie rubs her chin with a thumb, easing a pacifier into her mouth. It’s only when Lily tastes the coppery tang of blood that she realizes she’d been biting her lip again.

The pacifier is soothing, even though Lily doesn’t want to admit that, even to herself.

“There.” Maisie says, taking Lily into her arms. “All done. See, it’s not so bad, is it little one?” she pats Lily’s bottom gently, swaying them back and forth.

Lily just puts her head on Maisie’s shoulder and cries. The diaper really isn’t that different from wearing a pull-up, it’s just thicker. And maybe, in a small, private part of herself, Lily thinks it’s more comfortable too.

Maisie cracks open the door that leads into the other L-2/L-3 playroom and whispers: “Niki, can you bring me a ReadiMeal? We had a little incident at lunch and this one didn’t get to finish...thanks. Do you mind if she joins you guys for naptime after? Poor thing is exhausted...Yeah that’s fine. Thanks.”

Maisie sits down with Lily on the bench, holding her close. “I know you’re upset, sweetie. But everything’s gonna be okay, I promise. We’re gonna have a yummy lunch, and then you can sleep for a little while. Maybe you’ll feel better after that.”

Lily doesn’t say anything in response. She takes what small comfort she can from the pacifier, and cries herself to sleep.
 

[BobbyDrago]

Poor lamb I hope that both she  and Aden can find some peace from your last story I found that a little can still do pretty much whatever they want just they might keep odd habits or odd hours.

[Bonsai]

So far, Lily has fought to keep her rational side in control of her emotions.

In particular, she kept resisting the condescending treatment and kept stating that she’s able to handle responsabilities like any “normal” human being.

Placing her in diapers is like telling her that she’s expected to give up control and “just let it flow”. They are somehow forcing her to surrender to her emotional side and “be” a Little.

One way to confront the caretakers would be to ask if she’s expected to use the diaper “on purpose” (thus underlining that’s done purposefully and not by accident) or instead to ask assistance when she needs to use the restroom.

[mikejackson999]

People are forgetting that she is in a corrective facility.  She isn’t getting the same treatment that others would get, because she is being punished.  She broke the law, and thus her classification level is being forced on her, and rights that she may have had, seem to be temporarily revoked.  I hope she regains those rights when she leaves the facility and is assigned a caregiver, but also remember, in the other story, it’s hit or miss when coming out of the corrective facility.

Neither she nor Aden would be in this situation right now, if they had not broken the law.

[BobbyDrago]

2 hours ago, mikejackson999 said:

People are forgetting that she is in a corrective facility.  She isn’t getting the same treatment that others would get, because she is being punished.  She broke the law, and thus her classification level is being forced on her, and rights that she may have had, seem to be temporarily revoked.  I hope she regains those rights when she leaves the facility and is assigned a caregiver, but also remember, in the other story, it’s hit or miss when coming out of the corrective facility.

Neither she nor Aden would be in this situation right now, if they had not broken the law.

I am against this outlook for many reasons that I won't go into save for one... they are people and they deserve to be treated like people bo matter what they have done. This is one of the many many many reasons I am against the archaic prison system that does nothing but create life long career criminals.

[Brutal_Ink]

5 hours ago, Bonsai said:

So far, Lily has fought to keep her rational side in control of her emotions.

Min particular, she kept resisting the condescending treatment and kept stating that she’s able to handle responsibilities like any “normal” human being.

Placing her in diapers is like telling her that she’s expected to give up control and “just let it flow”. They are somehow forcing her to surrender to her emotional side and “be” a Little.

To be fair, Lily has done a pretty terrible job of that so far. It's that specific mentality of trying to handle everything on her own without any outside help that got her into this situation in the first place.

2 hours ago, mikejackson999 said:

People are forgetting that she is in a corrective facility.  She isn’t getting the same treatment that others would get, because she is being punished.  She broke the law, and thus her classification level is being forced on her, and rights that she may have had, seem to be temporarily revoked.  I hope she regains those rights when she leaves the facility and is assigned a caregiver, but also remember, in the other story, it’s hit or miss when coming out of the corrective facility.

Neither she nor Aden would be in this situation right now, if they had not broken the law.

I agree with this as well. The purpose of the correction facility isn't primarily to punish, like prison, but to teach the people in it to make better decisions in the future. It is generally understood in this society that Littles do not have the same capacity to understand consequences as a Neutral or Caregiver. So, it would be cruel to punish someone like that for years, when they might not have understood the ramifications of their decision. However, the errant behavior does need to be corrected, which is where these facilities come in, and why they have a therapist on staff, as well as seminars and classes to help teach better decision-making skills.

And, you are right.

Lily may not have understood the magnitude of what she was doing, but she still knew it was wrong. Despite that, she chose to do it anyway, and there are consequences for that.

47 minutes ago, BobbyDrago said:

I am against this outlook for many reasons that I won't go into save for one... they are people and they deserve to be treated like people bo matter what they have done. This is one of the many many many reasons I am against the archaic prison system that does nothing but create life long career criminals.

I've tried to delineate between a prison and a behavior correction facility. Sure, they can't go anywhere, but I've gone to considerable lengths to portray the staff as people who genuinely care about the people under their supervision. No one is being treated like animals, apart from being prevented from leaving. Lily has only been spanked once, after repeated warnings about her behavior, and Maisie even refused to do it in the last chapter, even though Lily probably deserved it.

 

 I'll grant you that our current prison system may not be the greatest, but I am more aligned with Mike's thoughts on the matter, personally. If you don't want to end up in prison, don't make the poor decisions that lead to that as a result.

 

Thank you all for reading and for commenting, it's always so interesting to see what people think! I'm hoping to have the next chapter ready to go by the afternoon, or possibly tomorrow

[YourFNF]

It's interesting... The more you fight to deny your emotional reactions the worse they get or you just break... I've had experience with this....

I definitely agree this is way better than the current US carceral system. Honestly should be expanded to neutrals and CGs. I'm just not sure Lilly should have been punished for what she did since her actions as far as I can tell only impacted herself... The occasional 2 a.m. load of sheets or wet couch aside...

I think what her staff need to do is recognize Lily's drive is mostly based on fear of losing control and work on a vocational plan to slowly put her back in control as much as possible while recognizing her limits before she really spirals. Planning her schedule and maybe looking at some courses would be a good start. Keep her mind off things. I also think the focus on language when not directed at other people is counter productive.

Still this is like an amazing detailed world and I'm a fan of the clear level of though that went into the world building ?

[Brutal_Ink]

18 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

It's interesting... The more you fight to deny your emotional reactions the worse they get or you just break... I've had experience with this....

I definitely agree this is way better than the current US carceral system. Honestly should be expanded to neutrals and CGs. I'm just not sure Lilly should have been punished for what she did since her actions as far as I can tell only impacted herself... The occasional 2 a.m. load of sheets or wet couch aside...

I think what her staff need to do is recognize Lily's drive is mostly based on fear of losing control and work on a vocational plan to slowly put her back in control as much as possible while recognizing her limits before she really spirals. Planning her schedule and maybe looking at some courses would be a good start. Keep her mind off things. I also think the focus on language when not directed at other people is counter productive.

Still this is like an amazing detailed world and I'm a fan of the clear level of though that went into the world building ?

Thank you!

Lily's actions don't just affect her though. She lives with other people, neither of whom wants to be responsible for a Little. Just because she's not having accidents doesn't mean that she's able to navigate life without assistance. Her careless actions still affect them and cause them stress, like Alex explained at the beginning, and it isn't fair for Lily to expect them to just deal with it. It's similar to how drug use is not necessarily a victimless crime, especially where heavier substances are concerned.

The staff definitely know why Lily is behaving the way she is, but until she starts demonstrating better self-control, she won't be given any more agency. The thing about swearing is part of demonstrating self-control; as there are definitely times in life where swearing is not acceptable, even if it's out of frustration, like at work. If/When Lily begins to show that she's ready for more responsibility, then those other options can be explored.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[YourFNF]

1 hour ago, Brutal_Ink said:

Thank you!

Lily's actions don't just affect her though. She lives with other people, neither of whom wants to be responsible for a Little. Just because she's not having accidents doesn't mean that she's able to navigate life without assistance. Her careless actions still affect them and cause them stress, like Alex explained at the beginning, and it isn't fair for Lily to expect them to just deal with it. It's similar to how drug use is not necessarily a victimless crime, especially where heavier substances are concerned.

The staff definitely know why Lily is behaving the way she is, but until she starts demonstrating better self-control, she won't be given any more agency. The thing about swearing is part of demonstrating self-control; as there are definitely times in life where swearing is not acceptable, even if it's out of frustration, like at work. If/When Lily begins to show that she's ready for more responsibility, then those other options can be explored.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

I am going to be in so much trouble if I ever get a job like that..... Although I guess I kinda already hold it around the customers? Of course that's more about the fact that I basically tend to stick 3 or 4 lines of stock dialogue and try to hold everything back..... ??

[mikejackson999]

1 hour ago, YourFNF said:

I am going to be in so much trouble if I ever get a job like that..... Although I guess I kinda already hold it around the customers? Of course that's more about the fact that I basically tend to stick 3 or 4 lines of stock dialogue and try to hold everything back..... ??

I know how Lily feels, it took me a very long time to learn how to control my mouth when it’s required (most of my late 20’s in fact).  I lost so many good jobs because of my mouth and temperament, but unlike Lily, my issues only really affected me, as I always managed to land a new job within a week of losing another, so it took far longer than it should have for me to learn.

Bobby, I agree with you on the US prison system as a whole, but you also have to remember that not every prison/jail is the same either.  I have worked at county jails that do emphasize rehabilitation and educational opportunities while awaiting trials, and also worked at prisons where those same opportunities are afforded to low level offenders who are supposed to only be incarcerated for a few years.  But I have also worked at prisons where none are offered as well.

 Honestly, if the prisons in the US offered legitimate counseling services (because honestly, what is offered at most are a joke and only really available in name only) like weekly sessions, and access to help lines, drug and alcohol counseling, etc recidivism rates would drop.  

 

[Brutal_Ink]

Chapter 8: Implosion

Lily wakes up to the dull roar of Littles at play.

It’s louder in this room, more chaotic, and the difference is jarring.

Lily sits up from her nap mat and looks around, blinking slowly. She’s the last one to wake up, all the other Littles are playing amongst themselves, chattering and squealing in excitement. Lily can feel her hands trembling and she clutches her blanket to stop them. Her diaper squishes beneath her as she moves, but that sensation isn’t exactly new, her bedwetting issue hasn’t gotten any better since she arrived here.

“It’s about time.” Aden says, grinning at her. “You’re gonna sleep the day away!”

“Aden? What are you doing here?” Lily wonders.

“I came to check on you. I can go tell Maisie you’re up, if you want.” Aden says.

Lily nods. The less time she has to spend in here, the better. “Yes please. Thanks.” Lily tells Aden, and rests her head on her pillow as he leaves.

“You must’ve been tired.” Says a voice next to her.

Lily turns to see a Room Monitor with jet-black hair and striking blue eyes smiling at her. Behind her is another girl who’s dressed like Lily, with brown eyes and brown hair with pink streaks in it.

The other Little waves and smiles at her before heading off to play.

“Hi, sweetie. I’m Niki, sorry if I startled you.”

“Hi.” Lily responds around her pacifier.

“Did you sleep well?” Niki wonders softly.

Lily just shrugs. She doesn’t feel exhausted, like she has for the past few days when waking up, but she definitely feels like she could happily go back to sleep for a little bit longer. She yawns, and her pacifier tumbles out of her mouth. The small squeaking noise that escapes her is completely unintentional, and she can feel her cheeks heating up in response.

“Aww,” Niki coos at her. “That was adorable! You’re so cute!”

Lily is too tired to be offended. “Thank you…” she says quietly.

“Maisie said she wanted to talk to you when you woke up again. Are you ready to go see her?”

Lily swallows hard. She doesn’t want to go and see Maisie, because it means facing the music for the rest of her punishment, but she knows there’s really no way to avoid it. So, she gives a slow, careful nod. She stands up and stretches, before following slowly after Niki.

Niki leads her into the changing room before opening the door that leads to the other playroom.

“Maisie? You wanted me to come and tell you when she woke up, right?” Niki wonders.

A few moments later Maisie enters the room.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on her Niki. I hope she didn’t give you any trouble.”

Lily frowns. It’s embarrassing to be talked about like she’s not even here.

“Nope, she was an angel.” Niki responds, before giving Lily a quick hug, taking the Little by surprise. “You’ll have to come and visit us when you’re more awake, cutie pie. I bet you’ll have tons of fun!”

“Okay,” Lily says quietly, and then Niki heads back to the other room.

“How did you sleep?” Maisie wonders, sitting down on the bench and pulling Lily into her lap. 

“I slept okay. I’m still tired though.” Lily mumbles. “I’m...I’m really sorry about earlier, Mimi.”

“Thank you for apologizing, Lily. Your behavior was still unacceptable though, and there are consequences for that. First, you’re going to personally apologize to Mr. Cox for making him clean up your mess. For the rest of the week, you’ll be in the other playroom.”

“What? But that’s five whole days! It’s not even Monday yet!” Lily cries. “You can’t make me be a Little by surrounding me with a bunch of diaper babies.”

Maisie shakes her head. “You are a Little, Lily. I’m not trying to force you to do anything. You’re incredibly stressed out, and I’m trying to help you by putting you in an environment where things are a little more structured.”

“How is that supposed to be helpful?” Lily folds her arms.

“You keep trying to prove that you don’t need all the provisions for Littles, but so far it’s only gotten you into trouble. Miss Bright and I both agree that maybe taking some control away from you, you might be able to relax and see that being a Little isn’t such a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to live the life you want, just that you might have to make some adjustments.” Maisie explains.

“I don’t want less control! You’ve already taken my freedom! What, are you gonna stick me in a diaper too? Put me in my place, make sure baby Lily doesn’t go anywhere or do anything by herself?” Lily sneers.

“Lily.” Maisie says firmly. “You can’t even control your behavior, and you expect to be given more responsibility and freedom within this place without having to prove that you can handle it. That is not the way we do things here. You want to be in control of something? You can start with your attitude.”

“I am in control of my attitude.” Lily snaps.

“Oh, so you’re being disrespectful on purpose then? Are you deliberately breaking the rules to make a point young lady?” Maisie’s gaze turns hard and dangerous.

Lily blinks, realizing too late that she’s trapped herself. “Well, no, but-”

“But nothing.” Maisie interrupts. “You are either being rude on purpose, or you let your emotions get the better of you and need to work on communication skills. Which one is it, Lily?”

Lily can feel her face heating up. “The second one.”

“That’s what I thought.” Maisie says. “This is why you’ll be spending time with the younger Littles. The staff in that room are very kind, but they are much less tolerant of sass and disrespect than in this room. I think having to watch yourself a little more closely will do you some good.”

“Will I be in diapers there?” Lily wonders.

 “Not apart from naptime if you can stay dry, Lily.” Maisie says.  “You’re probably wet from your nap, so I’ll change you in a minute and you can go back to pull-ups. Do you know why I put you in diapers today, even though you’ve only had one accident?”

Lily shakes her head. 

“I wasn’t doing it to embarrass you, or to be mean to you. I did it because you need to have less stress, not more. Maybe if we can get you to relax a bit, we can stop your hands from shaking so much, and maybe cut down on the tantrums. I won’t force you to wear diapers if you really don’t want them, as long as you can stay dry. But, I think that maybe if you’re not so worried about having an accident all the time, you might be able to relax a little more.” Maisie explains.

“Oh.” Lily says, she hadn’t really thought of that. “But I don’t want to wear them…” Lily protests. They aren’t exactly uncomfortable, but they are a symbol of everything she doesn’t like about being a Little. “At least in pull-ups, I have a little more...control.”

“I know you don’t. But sometimes we all need things that we don’t necessarily want. Miss Bright thinks that a little less stress might do you some good. That’s why you’re going to the other playroom.”

“Okay…But I’ll have less control over there!” Lily realizes, her lips compressing into a thin, unhappy line.

“That’s kind of the point, Lily. Even if you weren’t a Little, there would be plenty of things about your life that you’d have no control over. As a Little, there’s more of that. You might not be able to control your potty habits very well, or at all, or how certain things make you feel. But, one thing you can control is your behavior.” Maisie points out gently.

Lily just rubs her eyes in a futile attempt to keep herself from crying. It’s not fair…

“If you can show me that you’re willing to work on controlling your behavior, then we can see about letting you have a little more control over your schedule and the seminars you go to. For now, you’re going to go into the other room. You’ll have less control over your activities over there, it’s a lot more structured than it is here. But, it will give you a chance to work on controlling your behavior. Next time, when you’re upset, maybe ask for a minute to calm down, or explain how you feel instead of letting yourself get so upset that you start to throw things.”

Lily sighs. "Okay."

Maisie gives Lily a brief hug. “Thank you Lily. Now, let’s get you changed, you’re really wet.” She scoops Lily into her arms and deposits her on the changing table. “Do you want a pull-up or a diaper?”

“A pull-up.” Lily says firmly.

“Okay. Just let me get you cleaned up first, okay?”

~CSR~

Returning to the other playroom feels like being exiled.

The door closes behind her with an ominous click.

“Welcome back!” Niki says, smiling brightly at Lily.

“Hi.” Lily says stonily. “Maisie says I can wear pull-ups, but there isn’t a bathroom in here...how am I supposed to get to the toilet?”

“Just tell me or one of the other room monitors, and we’ll take you over so you can go.” Niki explains. 

“Oh, okay.” Lily says.

“Things are a little different in this playroom.” Niki explains. “We have three groups here, Seahorse, Turtle, and Starfish. They all rotate between stations, we do that so there’s no fighting over whose turn it is to play with something. There’s Painting, Coloring, Toys, TV and Playground stations. You’ll be with the Seahorse group, so we’ll be going outside in a little while. Right now they are at the toybox, so you can go over there and join them if you’d like.”

Lily looks around the room. There are fewer littles here, only ten in total including her, so seahorse group will now have four people. The girl with pink stripes in her hair from earlier is there, along with a boy with spiky dark hair and another girl with blonde hair. They’re all wearing the same outfit as she is, except most of their shirts are purple instead of yellow.

“I don’t wanna play.” Lily says bitterly. The last thing she wants to do is act like she belongs here. She twists the hem of her shirt in her hands.

“You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but you do need to be with your group. At least go over and say ‘hello’.” Niki says, giving Lily a nudge in their direction.

The boy sees her coming and waves. “Hi! I’m Kyle! Do you wanna play with us?”

Lily shakes her head. “No.” she snaps.

Kyle looks taken aback. “Oh. Okay. Well, if you change your mind, feel free to join in.”

“Brat.” Says the girl with pink stripes in her hair. Her shirt is yellow too, and it makes Lily instantly dislike her.

“Julie!” The blonde girl looks positively scandalized. “That was rude!”

“Stop being such a softie Erin.”  Julie replies. “It wasn’t very nice of her to talk to Kyle like that, either.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you should be rude back.” Erin says, folding her arms.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask you.” Julie snaps before turning her attention to Lily. “Apologize to Kyle for being a butt, new girl.”

“My name is Lily.” Lily growls. “And I’m not gonna say ‘sorry’ either. You can’t tell me what to do, diaper-butt.”

Julie stands up. “Just because you’re not in a diaper, doesn’t mean you’re better than me.” She says firmly. “You think you’re so above it all, ‘cause you got your fancy pull-ups on don’t you?”

Lily smirks. “You said it, not me.”

“Yeah? Well, at least my brain’s not broken.” Julie sneers.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily demands.

“You think I didn’t notice you talking to yourself earlier, shaking like a scared puppy?”

“I wasn’t talking to myself!” Lily protests. “Aden is my best friend out of everyone here. And he’s way cooler than you.”

Julie snorts. “There’s no one here named Aden. Your brain’s just turning to mush ‘cause you keep tellin’ yourself that you’re not a Little. That’s how it starts with everyone; they start talking to themselves, then shaking. After that they start getting scared of everything, like there’s boogeymen everywhere or something. Then they get real quiet and twitchy, and they go away to someplace else.” She shrugs nonchalantly.

“Aden is real!” Lily shouts. “He was right next to my nap mat when I waked up!”

“Whatever you say.” Julie rolls her eyes. “Gonna scramble your brain like an egg if you keep trying to lie to yourself.”

“What’s going on over here?” Niki says from behind Lily. “Is everyone playing nicely?”

“Yes, Miss Niki!” Erin says quickly.

Lily turns around slowly, her eyes brimming with tears. “Julie says my friend isn’t real!” Lily explains.

Niki raises an eyebrow at Julie over Lily’s head. “Julie, is this true?”

“Well, yeah, but her friend is definitely imaginary…She says she was talking to him when she woke up from her nap. That he was right next to her nap mat.” Julie’s grin is positively predatory.

Niki blinks slowly.

“Tell her he’s real!” Lily insists, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Niki looks at Lily, her expression shifting from puzzled, to understanding, to very sad and concerned. “Sweetheart,” she begins gently. “There was no one here with you at naptime with you. Everyone was just coming back in from being outside when you woke up.”

Lily blinks, her heart sinking into her stomach. “What?” She feels numb all over, and there’s a strange ringing in her ears.

Niki takes her by the shoulders and looks her in the eye. “Lily,” she says. “There was no one else here.”
 

[Darkslifer]

Okay wow… I don’t know what direction I was expecting this story to take but it was definitely not that.  Although now it makes so many little things in the last few chapters make sense.  I can’t get enough of this story or your writing style in general.  Looking forwarding to reading more in the future!

[Nerdy_Little]

Damn!!!!! Did not expect Aden to not be real but yeah it kinda make sense if you go back and read between the lines a bit. Good stuff 

[Bonsai]

You can go down with style, like the music players on the Titanic deck; or, you can go down like Lily.

[YourFNF]

Wow I was not expecting this.

[BobbyDrago]

Looking forward to more although this is really scary now i hope someone can help her.

[the diaper mike]

 awesome story I look forward to more

[mikejackson999]

5 hours ago, BobbyDrago said:

Looking forward to more although this is really scary now i hope someone can help her.

It does seem scary, but I am thinking/hoping that the last chapter is really a dream Lily is having, since the previous chapter stated she fell asleep, and this started with her waking up.  I hate those kinds of dreams whenever I have them.

[Brutal_Ink]

Thank you all so much for the feedback and engaging with the story! It's really nice to hear all of your thoughts on the story so far, please keep sharing!

#####

 

Chapter 9: Imposters

“I know you must be afraid. But don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.” Miss Bright’s voice is gentle, and today she’s sitting with Lily on the couch instead of across from her.

Lily only shakes her head, making a face at the gross taste in her mouth. She’d thrown up on Niki’s shoes after being told that Aden wasn’t real, and then she’d passed out. She’d woken up in the infirmary, and after being poked and prodded for a bit, she’d been taken to see Miss Bright. She hasn’t yet had the chance to brush her teeth.

It certainly doesn’t feel like things are going to be okay…

Her bladder twinges, achingly full out of nowhere, and Lily is almost grateful  for the distraction from her unraveling reality.

“I have to pee.” Lily says in a voice so quiet that she can barely hear herself. She gets up and shuffles quickly into the bathroom. Just as she closes the door behind her, her bladder releases, and she floods her pull-up for the second time that day.

She doesn’t even have the energy to be upset about it. She just rinses her mouth out at the sink and washes her hands. Having to wear a diaper seems like such a small thing, given the monumental revelation she’d experienced a few hours ago.

“You don’t believe that, do you?” Aden’s voice startles her, she looks toward the sound of it to see him seated on the closed toilet lid. “Of course I’m real.”

“You’re not.” Lily says, slowly, backing toward the door.

“How could you say that? We’re supposed to be friends, Lily.” Aden looks hurt.

“You’re not real. Leave me alone.” Lily replies miserably.

Aden’s lips peel back from his teeth in a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Leave you alone?” I’m the only friend you have here, Lily. Do you really want to be all alone in a place like this?”

Lily’s heartbeat quickens. “I won’t...I won’t be alone. There’s Maisie, and…”

“Maisie’s in charge of you, she isn’t your friend.” Aden stands up, folding his arms.

Lily’s eyes well with tears at his words. “Why are you being so cruel?”

Aden shrugs. “Well, technically, it’s you being cruel to yourself. But, why get hung up on the details? I mean, sure, I look like this now…” Aden points out, snapping his fingers. “But I can be Any. Thing. I. Want.” Aden snaps his fingers to punctuate his word, his appearance shifting and changing each time. He goes through various permutations, red hair and taller, brown hair and shorter, blonde again and rounder, black hair and thinner, different eye colors…

“I don’t even have to be a boy.” Aden snaps again, and Lily goes cold.

It’s like she’s looking in a mirror. 

She tilts her head and waves, being copied by the thing that used to be Aden.

“Boo!” Not-Aden shouts, startling Lily into falling on her backside.

“Aden, stop it!” Lily shouts, her lower lip trembling.

“Well, my name isn’t Aden. I’m Cynthia. But you can call me Cici for short.”

Lily bursts into tears. “No, no, no, no, no…” she murmurs, drawing her knees to her chest. It's horrifying to think that she'll have to contend with more than one voice in her head.

“Ugh.” Says Cici, derision clear in her voice. “You really are a baby.”

“No, I’m not!” Lily snarls.

“Ah, ah, ah, careful…” Cici wags a scolding finger at Lily before crouching down in front of her. “Wouldn’t wanna fry your brain any more than it already is...”

Lily lashes out, left hand clawing a Cici’s arm, only to feel a sharp pain across her own.

Cici just laughs. “I’m you stupid! You. Can’t. Hurt. Me.”

“Leave me alone!” Lily screams, and then tumbles backward as the door she’s been leaning against opens.

“Lily, are you alright? I heard you shouting…” Miss Bright says gently. And then: “Oh, sweetheart, let’s get you changed, you’re leaking.”  She retrieves a diaper, wipes, powder, and a clean pair of sweatpants from the cabinet under the sink before helping Lily to lay down on the floor.

Lily sniffles, more out of fear of what’s happening to her than humiliation at having ended up in diapers. 

Miss Bright is very gentle with her, wiping her clean and sprinkling some powder on her diaper area before fastening the tapes snugly. “There. All dry...What happened to your arm, Lily? You’re bleeding.”

Lily only shrugs and shakes her head, nibbling her thumb to try and keep herself from crying. “I dunno.”

“That’s okay. We’ll get you a bandaid...Who were you talking to in there?”

Lily’s free hand trembles uncontrollably. Hot tears roll down her cheeks as she sits up and clings to Miss Bright with a desperate kind of strength. “I don’ know..” she sobs. 

Miss Bright pulls Lily closer, rubbing her back and rocking her gently. “It’s going to be alright, Lily.”

“Help me. Please.” Lily pleads, sobbing into Miss Bright’s shoulder.

“I will. I promise.” Miss Bright says honestly, pulling back to look Lily in the eye.

“I don’t wanna go back to the playroom. Please don’t make me go back there.” Lily is unaccustomed to begging, but she’s doing it a lot today, it seems.

“You can stay here with me if you want. Or, I can get Maisie if you’d prefer. I think it would be best if we separate you from the others for a bit. You’ll still have some seminars with the L-2/L-3 playroom group, but other than that, you’ll be with Maisie.”

“Okay.” Lily says softly.

“And, for now, we’re not going to worry about the potty, okay?” Miss Bright says gently.

“No,” Lily protests. “I’m not a baby...I can stay dry.”

“I know you can.” Miss Bright soothes. “But the last thing you need is more stress. So we’re not going to worry about that for now. I’m going to prescribe you some medications to help with your hallucinations, but you need to relax. Stress is only going to make you feel worse and that will make it a lot harder for you to get better. You can pick up your medications from the infirmary first thing in the morning.”

“Okay.” Lily concedes, resting her head on Miss Bright’s shoulder again. Her stomach rumbles loudly.

“You must be hungry. Let’s get you some lunch, okay? Do you want to go with me, or do you want to eat with Maisie?”

“With Maisie.” Lily decides. Miss Bright is nice, but she’s definitely more comfortable with Maisie.

“Okay. I’m gonna give her a call, really quick, okay? I’ll be right here if you need me.” 

~CSR~

Another spoonful of food ends up in Lily’s lap.

She’s having a snack in one of the facility’s private rooms with Maisie.

Up until this afternoon, she’d only had to deal with her hands shaking if she was idle. Now, it’s worsened to the point of being constant, and it’s interfering with her ability to feed herself.

Earlier, she probably would have just exploded into a fit, but now she barely has the energy for the simple task of feeding herself.

“Would you like some help?” Maisie wonders softly, scooting her chair closer to Lily.

Lily lets out a tremulous sigh and stares at her lap, tears dripping from her chin. “How?”

“Well, we’ve got some options. I can get you a spoon that’s easier to hold so hopefully you won’t spill. I can feed you, or, I can get you a ReadiMeal shake, that way you won’t need the spoon. What would you like to do?” Maisie asks softly.

“Can I have a shake?” Lily wonders, looking up at Maisie.

“Sure. That’ll probably be easier on your tummy anyways. Do you want to stay here or come with me to get it, love?”

Without really thinking about it, Lily reaches for Maisie. “I wanna come too.” She says. She hasn’t had any hallucinations of Aden or Cici while she’s been with Maisie, and she’d like to avoid another episode if she can.

“Okay, come here sweetie.” Maisie says easily, and lifts Lily onto her hip. She pats Lily’s bottom gently and kisses her temple. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, okay?”

Lily wishes she could believe that. She nods and rests her head on Maisie’s shoulder.

It’s quiet for a moment while Maisie carries Lily down the hallway.

“You shouldn’t grind your teeth, honey.” Maisie says gently. “I’m going to get you a pacifier to help with that. You don’t have to use it all the time, but I think it might help to relax you some, so you don’t have to worry about that so much.”

Lily just shrugs. The amount of her ‘adulthood’ that’s been stripped from her in one day is pretty impressive, and she doesn’t even have the energy to be upset about it. If anything, she’s almost grateful, since there’s less pressure on her now.

“I’m sorry.” Lily says after a long moment. “I don’t mean to be so much work.”

“Don’t worry.” Masie says. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m glad you feel comfortable with me, Lily. We always have extra staff around in case something like this happens, so you’re not causing any trouble if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Oh.” Lily feels a little better after hearing that. But there’s something else she needs to know. “Will I be sent away from here? To another place?”

“Maybe.” Maisie tells her honestly. “It really depends on how things go over the next week or so. If you want, I can sign some forms and apply to be assigned as your Caregiver while you’re there, that way you wouldn’t have to go by yourself. You don’t have to answer now, and I can’t promise it’ll be approved, it’s just something to think about.”

“You’d do that?” Lily wonders. She’s sort of surprised that Maisie would even offer to do something like that, especially given her...condition.

“Yes.” Maisie answers without hesitation. “If that helps you to feel better and safer so that you can get back to being healthy.”

“What if I don’t get better?” Lily asks, her voice quiet and afraid. “No one will want to adopt a...a broken Little.”

“Hey!” Maisie says firmly. “You’re not broken. You might be sick, and you might need some medication to deal with some of your symptoms, but you’re not broken. You’re worth caring for, Lily. You matter. Any Caregiver would be lucky to have you, sweetheart.”

Lily frowns. Maisie seems so sure of her answer, but it doesn’t feel true to her at all. “You mean that?”

“I do.” Maisie replies seriously. “You might have made a poor choice that landed you here, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re kinda stubborn sometimes, but so is pretty much everybody. I like your independence, Lily. You’re pretty self-sufficient for a Little, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you can do some pretty amazing stuff  once you get out of here and back to your normal life.”

“That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t think Alex and Darren will want me to move back in with them, especially not now. I’m supposed to go to an Assignment Center after I serve my term here anyway. No one’s gonna want me.” Lily tells Maisie.

“I really don’t think that’s going to happen, Lily. But, I promise you that if it does, I’ll adopt you myself. I won’t let you get stuck there, okay? I swear.” Maisie vows.

Lily nods, feeling better at that promise. “Okay.” She gives Maisie an appreciative squeeze. “Thanks, Mimi.”

“You’re welcome, munchkin.” Maisie replies. She opens a large door that leads into a large kitchen and flips on the light.

The kitchen staff have all gone home for the day, but Maisie doesn’t seem to have any trouble finding what she needs. She pulls open the door to the large refrigerator and looks at Lily.

“Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?” Maisie asks, pointing to each of the bottles in turn. They each have a no-spill lid that’s easy to drink out of, and Lily is happy to see that she at least won’t have to worry about spilling on herself.

Lily thinks for a moment before answering. “‘Nilla please.”

Maisie smiles at her and retrieves the requested beverage, shaking the bottle vigorously before opening it and removing the seal. She replaces the lid and hands it to Lily. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Lily replies, and wastes no time in tasting it. It’s very good, and it does help her stomach to settle a little. “It’s good,” she says, smiling a little.

“I’m glad you like it sweetie.” Maisie replies. “It’ll be time for a shower and to start getting ready for bed when you’re done, okay hun?”

Lily nods. “Will you stay with me? Please?”

Maisie just gives Lily a squeeze. “Of course I will.”

The two of them return to the room where Lily had been eating, though this time, Lily sits in Maisie’s lap instead of her chair.

Maisie cuddles her while she slowly drinks her shake. “Is there anything you’d like to do tomorrow? Anything fun?”

Lily just shrugs. “Not really. Maybe we could go outside again?”

“That’s a great idea. The weather is supposed to be really nice, too.” Maisie smiles.

Lily works her way through the rest of her shake in silence, leaning back against Maisie for comfort. By the time she’s finished, she can barely keep her eyes open. She yawns massively and then puts the empty bottle on the table, cuddling up to Maisie.

“Oh sweetheart, it’s not time for sleeping yet. We still have to get a bath and put our jammies on. Do you think you can stay awake for just a little bit longer?” Maisie wonders, giving Lily a little nudge.

Lily only whines in response. She’s so tired…Before she can really stop herself, she’s crying again.

“Okay, okay, don’t cry. I’ll help you, it’s alright.” Maisie soothes, rocking her gently. “I can give you your bath tonight if you want, it’ll probably be faster than if you did it on your own.”

Lily nods slowly. “Okay.” She just wants to go to bed. The embarrassment she’d normally feel at having something so personal done for her is nowhere to be found. And, after all the other embarrassing things that have happened to her today, it doesn’t seem to matter so much.

“Shh.” Maisie whispers, wiping away Lily’s tears. “It’s alright, little one. Just relax. I’ve got you.”
 

[Bonsai]

I was curious to see what happens to littles that go to the “other” place. Now however that Lily has cracked and has, at least temporarily, lost her stubbornness, I get the feeling that the story is moving away from the bottom side of hell.

[mikejackson999]

19 minutes ago, Bonsai said:

I was curious to see what happens to littles that go to the “other” place. Now however that Lily has cracked and has, at least temporarily, lost her stubbornness, I get the feeling that the story is moving away from the bottom side of hell.

Same here.  Hopefully there will be another story sometime about the other place.

[the diaper mike]

Awesome chapter I can't wait to see you where this leads

[Brutal_Ink]

Trying something new with this chapter! Hopefully it's not too jarring. I wanted to do something to make it a little less confusing, and I'm sure you'll recognize immediately who I've stolen borrowed the idea from. Let me know what you think!

EDIT: Removed colors for easier reading. Key is as follows:

Thoughts

{Lily}

[Cici]

(Aden)

#####

 

Chapter 10: Soliloquy

The medicine tastes terrible.

The pills are huge and difficult to swallow, meaning that Lily keeps them in her mouth longer than she probably should.

Still, she drinks an entire glass of water to try and cleanse her mouth of the awful aftertaste.

“Yuck!” Lily whines, scrunching up her face at the residual taste on her tongue; even the extra water hasn’t gotten rid of it completely. She squirms, the paper sheet on the infirmary exam table crinkling beneath her.

Miss Bright chuckles a little. “I know they don’t taste very good. But you need to take both of them once a day, first thing in the morning with breakfast.” She explains.

“Here,” Maisie says, handing Lily another ReadiMeal shake. “Drink this. It will help with the taste.”

“Thanks.” Lily says, and immediately begins drinking the beverage.

“You only have to do it once a day, and I’m sure you’ll be a pro at taking your medicine before too long.” Miss Bright continues with an encouraging smile.

[Aww. Don’t you wanna be friends?] Cici’s voice reverberates inside Lily’s head.

Lily nods to Miss Bright, not trusting herself to carry on two conversations at once. {No, I don’t wanna be friends. I want you and Aden both to leave me the fuck alone!}

[Such a potty-mouth. You’re gonna end up getting spanked again if you’re not careful.] Cici says.

(If you want me to leave you alone, you know what you have to do. Your mind is fractured, Lily. The harder you fight against being a Little, the worse it’s going to get.) Aden warns.

{What are you, my conscience?} Lily snaps. {I’m not going to let you or anyone else break me. That’s what the medicine is for--hopefully it’ll shut you both up for good!}

[Rude.] Cici intones. [If you hate being a Little so much, why don’t you just let me drive for a bit? You don’t hafta like, do any of it for real, but you still get to see what it’s like.]

{Not on your life!} Lily bites back, frowning.

[I could just take control. But then you’d throw up, and I don’t wanna be covered in puke.]

{What the actual fuck, Cici? This is my body! You can’t just do whatever you want with it!}

[Technically, it’s our body…]

{No! Absolutely not!} Lily tries to be assertive, but it comes out more like pleading than anything else.

[Oh really? Watch this.] Cici sneers.

There’s an uncomfortable popping sensation, and then Lily is...somewhere else. She’s still in her body, so far as she can tell, but it’s different somehow. Her vision is fine, but the sound of Miss Bright’s voice is diminished, almost like she’s hearing it from underwater. Her sense of touch is altered too, like all of her limbs have fallen asleep and are just now beginning to have sensation.

Even as she retches onto the floor, it feels like it’s happening to someone else.

{What did you just do?} Lily wonders, terrified.

[Ugh, this is so gross! Ew, it got on my shoe... It’s like I said, I’m in charge now. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything dumb or get us in trouble. Well, I’ll try not to at least. Just relax and let me drive. I’ll show you that being a little isn’t so bad.]

Lily is completely powerless to do anything about it, a prisoner in her own mind. She can’t even scream or cry, at least not outwardly. {Give me back my body!}

[Nope. It’s my turn to have it for a bit. Sorry Lily. Well, I’m not actually sorry, but it feels like the right thing to say, you know?] Cici Chuckles. [I’ll be careful with us though. You just rest for a bit. All this crazy’s gotta be wearing you out.]

Even though no one can hear her, Lily screams.

~CSR~

+Cici+

“Lily, are you alright?” Miss Bright wonders, seizing a nearby wastebasket in case of a round two.

Cici just groans. “That’s not my name.” Lily’d still been partially in control during the vomiting, but the yucky aftertaste and throw-uppy feeling haven’t gone away just because Cici’s in control now.

“What do you mean?” Miss Bright begins, and then fixes Cici with a curious stare.

Cici giggles. “Lily’s not here right now, please leave a message after the beep. Beep.”

Miss Bright seems to understand exactly what’s happening, because she says. “Oh? And what’s your name sweetheart?” She looks over at Maisie and gives her a funny, one-eyed blink.

“Cici!” Cici says proudly, with a big smile. “Lily’s in time-out right now, since she keeps breaking our brain. She thinks she can just not be a Little. How silly is that?”

Miss Bright smiles. “That is pretty silly. But, we need to let everyone come to terms with things in their own way. It’s a very big adjustment for Lily.”

Cici frowns thoughtfully. Being Little is kinda fun. Sure having to take naps is boring, and getting interrupted during playtime for potty breaks or diaper changes isn’t very fun either. But Lily only seems focused on what she’s lost, rather than the fact that she doesn’t even need to provide for her own basic needs anymore. It just doesn’t make sense.

But she says: “Okay. I guess that’s fair.”

Maisie smiles at her. “Cici, huh? That’s a pretty name. Why don’t you come with me and get cleaned up?”

Cici takes Maisie’s hand. Lily might pretend to hate being carried and having to hold hands and stuff like that, but Cici doesn’t mind those things at all. They’re nice and comforting. She only wishes that Lily would be more accepting of them too.

Maisie takes her to the infirmary’s bathroom, and the nose-tingling smell of whatever soap the infirmary uses is even stronger in here.

“My nose tingles.” Cici says, scrunching up her face.

“Yeah, that antiseptic smell is pretty strong. We won’t be in here for very long though. I just want to give you a quick scrub down so you’re all clean again. Is your tummy feeling better now?” Maisie wonders as she helps Cici out of her clothes.

Cici nods. “Mhmm.”

“Good. Do you want a pull-up or a diaper after we get you all clean?” Maisie asks as she rummages through the cabinet beneath the sink.

“I want a diapee.” Cici says, grinning big. The less she has to interrupt playtime the better.

{Nooo! Cici what are you doing?} Lily’s voice is petulant and sad. {I don’t wanna be in diapers! I’m a big girl!}

[Well, it’s a good thing you won’t be in diapees then isn’t it? I don’t know what your problem is with ‘em anyway. They’re comfy, and you don’t even have to interrupt playing or whatever to go potty! What’s not to like?] Cici responds.

{Having to sit in my own...you know...isn’t exactly pleasant.} Lily replies, and Cici can hear the pout in her tone.

[First of all, wet diapers aren’t even that bad--you barely notice when it happens! Secondly, you’ve never even had a poopy diaper before, so you wouldn’t know. And third, you don’t even have to clean it up! Quit being such a stick in the mud!] Cici retorts.

Lily doesn’t respond.

[That’s really grown-up of you, Lily, just ignoring me when I say stuff you don’t like.]

{Go fuck yourself!} Lily snaps.

Cici just giggles to herself.

“Okay, we can do that. Just hold still for a minute while I get you cleaned up, alright?” Maisie says, distracting Cici from her mental sparring match with Lily. 

She lifts Cici into the tub and goes to work giving her a quick bath. Once that’s done, she whisks Cici away to the changing table, getting her diapered and dressed in clean clothes in no time at all.
“All done!” Cici says once Maisie is finished.

“That’s right, cutie, all done.” Maisie replies, lifting Cici onto her hip. “Do you want to go to the playroom? Or do you want to stay with me again?”

[Lily? What do you wanna do?]

{I don’t care. You’re the one in control, I’m just along for the ride. Do what you want.}

Cici sighs. [I know you don’t really mean that. If you don’t wanna go to the playroom, we can just stay with Maisie today. Maybe she’ll let us have cookies?]

{Like I said: ‘I don’t care.’ Do whatever the fuck you wanna do. I’m kinda stuck in here anyway. It’s fucking weird. I’m like, a passenger in my own body, and it feels really strange. I want to take a nap.}

[What’s stopping you? You can imagine anything you want in there. Have you just been sitting there in the dark like some weirdo? Without even a lightbulb or a chair or anything?]

{Oh.}

[You really didn’t know that? Oh wow, that’s pretty funny. You need to stretch your ‘magination muscles more.] Cici giggles to herself.

{Imagination muscles? That’s not even...fine. What the fuck ever. Have fun out there, or something. This is my first trapped-in-body experience, so I’m not sure how that works for you.}

[I will! And, I’m gonna tell Maisie on you! You say a lot of bad words in your head.]

{Are you shitting me? Only in my fucked-up life could I tell on myself for committing a “thought crime”, and it’s not even a crime.}

[What’s a thought crime, Lily?]

{I’m not explaining it. You’d better not tell on me, you brat.}

[Hey! I’m not a brat! I’m a good girl, unlike you, you big potty-mouth. I’m gonna ask Maisie to give us PB&J with strawberry jelly for lunch.]
 

{I hate strawberry jelly!} Lily protests angrily.

[Well, stop saying bad words then.]

{Fuck. You.}

“Maisie?” Cici asks, grinning devilishly. 

“What is it honey?” Maisie responds, patting her bottom gently. “Are you okay?”

Cici nods. “Mhmm. Lily’s saying a bunch of bad words in my head though. You should spank her.”

Maisie sighs. “Cici, I’m not sure exactly what’s going on here, but it’s not nice to tattle on other people, unless they’re doing something dangerous. Right now, I’m only worried about what Cici is doing. Lily and I are working on her language, and I’ll deal with that with her.”

Cici can’t help but pout a little at that revelation. [Rats.]

{Fuck yes! Can’t touch this!} Lily crows, grinning triumphantly.

[You don’t hafta be a poopy-head about it, Lily.]

{A ‘poopy-head’? That’s the best you’ve got? What a shitty insult.}

[Well, I can’t say any bad words so…]

{Wait, really?} Lily cackles. {Oh, my god that’s fucking great! You actually can’t swear! That’s amazing!}

[Keep being a poopy-head, and I’ll make you a poopy butt, too!] Cici threatens, pouting.

{Don’t you fucking dare!} Lily snarls. {I’d never do that! Ever!}

[Maybe you wouldn’t, but I would…]

{Fucking brat.} Lily pouts.

“Maisie, can I please have a PB&J for lunch, with strawberry jelly? And can you keep the crusts on?” Cici asks politely.

Maisie smiles. “I think I can handle that. Thank you for remembering your manners, sweetie. I’m proud of you.” She presses a kiss to Cici’s forehead.

“Thank you!” Cici responds with a big smile.

{You’re a fucking monster.}

[Maybe we can try sauerkraut next! Wouldn’t that be yummy?]

{No! That shit is disgusting!}

[Well, so is your potty-mouth! And since Maisie won’t punish you, then we’ll just have to get creative. Ooh! Do you think the kitchen has ketchup for the mac & cheese we’ll be eating for dinner?]

{Ugh! You’re fucking impossible!} Lily groans.

[Oh, and maybe we can have some neapolitan ice cream for dessert!]

{Cici?}

[Yes?]

{You’re a butt.}

Cici giggles. [I know! But, you’re stuck with me!]

{Don’t remind me. Not only do I have to deal with Jiminy Dickhead in here, I also have to put up with you, and I can’t even get away from it because you’re in my head. You’re driving me crazy!}

[Kinda there already. Besides, you can do whatever you wanna do in there. You can drink you yucky grown-up juice until it makes you sick, and even smoke those icky cigarettes if you want.]

{Why can’t you just let me be me?}

[I am you! You might not wanna hear me say that, but it’s true. Even with that medicine, it will just make me quiet. I won’t go away, like you think. I’m still gonna be there, ‘cause I’m part of you. If we could figure out how to share, then maybe you wouldn’t even need it!]

{I don’t wanna fucking share my brain with anyone! It’s mine, and I want you gone!} Lily shouts, and slams a door.

Cici smiles to herself. [At least your ‘magination muscles are getting some exercise…]

{Shut up!}
 

[kerry]

OK, that just took a turn for the weird. I'm definitely still enjoying it, though: nothing wrong with weird.