Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss

[BabyGirlSJ]

So after looking at my original story, I felt like I ran into a roadblock and it wasn't going to be able to be carried like I hoped it would, and I really foresaw it hitting a mountain. I've reworked it, and I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed re-writing it!

Part I

“Wake up baby girl, today’s your big day,” a sing-song Southern-twanged voice floated me awake, “it’s your 2nd birthday, and there’s so much to do with such a short amount of time! This is such a big day for you, hon, Mommy is juuuust so excited!”

I groggily awoke, taking in my surroundings. I lay in state in a large crib with sky scraping white bars. My room was decorated in a flowery motif with pink and white stripes, and a giant “Princess Jaclyn” hung from wooden letters above a closet. There were a few dressers, including a larger table with diapering supplies slinked on the top shelf. Next to my crib was a red haired woman with sultry looks...I was so lucky to belong to her...

I was snapped out of my daze by the drawl of the red head. “Cmon baby, you are really wet, Mommy Beth needs to change your icky panties, your guests are going to be here soon!”

Mommy Beth? Guests? A birthday party? I casually sucked on my pink pacifier, taking this all in for another day in a row. Mommy Beth took me out of my crib, led me to the changing table on the corner and began to change my diaper...everything came flowing back to me as I regained my footing for the daytime...it had been a long time, given the simple complexities of each day, I had begun to lose track, but I could not forget how it had all started and how I had gotten to this point...this was my 10th “second” in a row. As I had my legs raised and my diaper slipped under me, I began to daydream off in my own space. 

I was put into a white sundress decorated with large splotches of pink polka dots. I had tights on over my legs and diaper, Mary Jane shoes, and, to top the look off, Mommy put my hair into cute pig tails with little pink bows. My thick diaper held serve underneath, obvious to anyone who saw me waddling. 

I held Mommy’s hand in a bit of a death grip; even though I’d been in this state for the better part of a decade plus, I was still modest. Mommy always told me that “Babies don’t care who sees them, you’re only there to be cute and cuddly,” but I still got worried about it.  To help with this, Mommy always gave me a binky to suck on, just to help ease my nerves. Today’s was my favorite, it was purple with Rarity from My Little Pony on it. It was my recent favorite show, I really believe in Friendship bring magic, plus Mommy got me all the dolls.

As we walked down the stairs, I was amazed at the sight that welcomed me; Mommy had really gone all out for this birthday. Even though I’d seemingly had a perpetual 2nd birthday each year dating back awhile, I always had to give it to Mommy, she really made it special every year. 

This year was no different. The living room was adorned with balloons and streamers in pink, white, and purple, all with this year’s My Little Pony theme. I wet my diaper a little just in the ensuing excitement. 

There was a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACLYN!” in big block letters strung in several places around the room. The tables had My Little Pony all over it. I was overwhelmed at the beauty of the whole setup, I really had the best Mommy in the world. 

“Mommy!” I exclaimed, “You made this sooo pwetty, fank you!” I spoke, my binky blocking my voice. 

Mommy wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. “Of course Princess, you know how much Mommy loves you?”

“A wot”, I spoke.

“Mmmmmhmmm, and you are just the prettiest little princess either!” Mommy beamed with delight. 

“Now hon, your guests will be here soon, let’s go over to the couch and I’ll give you some lunch before they get here,” Mommy mentioned, motioning me to our plush leather couch, “and ooo they’re going to be just sooo excited to spend your happy day with you, little Princess Pie!”

I was excited; if this were like any of my previous parties, I’d get to see Aunt Claudia and her girls, Nana and Papa, some of Mommy’s work friends, and maybe some friends from day care. Most of all, I was most excited to see my older sister Samantha, who’d been away at college, but who Mommy said would be making a special trip for this; we’d even put off the party until the weekend to accommodate her dates, she was always so busy. Presents! I also couldn’t stop thinking about those either, I’m sure it would be another wonderful haul. 

I followed Mommy over, and climbed on her lap, my legs draped across it. Mommy took my binky out and unbuttoned her blouse, then clipped open the nursing bra that sat across her breasts. I moved quickly, beginning to suckle as she supported my head in one arm, and patting my bottom rhythmically with the other. 

My eyes closed a bit as the warm milk came flowing into my mouth, and my mind went back again to how I found myself in this wonderful woman’s grasp. I think I heard the door knock, but I was too on to Mommy’s milk to notice, or care. Besides, here I was, just a girl drinking her Mommy’s milk. Everyone visiting knew the drill anyway; we’d all known each other a long time. I began to daydream again, wetting my diaper as I relaxed...Mommy was so wonderful...the thoughts in my head merged into one....

As I snuggled on Mommy’s lap suckling the warm milkies from her luscious booby, my thoughts were interrupted by an all-too familiar rumbling in my tummy; it was all too often that this happened when I was on Mommy’s milk. I didn’t stop suckling because it was all going to go into the diaper anyway, and besides, I didn’t want to get up just yet because I was just so comfy in Mommy’s lap and on her boobs at the moment

“Mmmmm,” I somewhat audibly uttered, my protest somewhat timid, before grunting loudly and slowly pushing out the warm and sticky mess into the seat of my already wet diaper. 

Mommy stopped stroking my hair; she knew something was amiss. The stench of my mess began to waft up to both of our noses; as much as Mommy had tried to mitigate the smell, it still never was pleasant. 

“Baby girl, did you just do what I think you did?” Mommy asked me directly, taking me off her boob to look at me. It was a rhetorical question, we both knew the answer. 

I looked at her meekly; all I could do was nod sheepishly. I’d been in countless poopy diapers over the years, and although I’d become somewhat numb to it all, having gone through the motions as much as I had during the time, I still felt embarrassed every time I did it. 

Mommy sighed. “Well hon, we’re going to have to get you changed before the guests arrive, I thought your didee could have held up for a lot longer, I guess you had other plans, but that’s ok, because you’re just sooo cute, even when you’re poopy!” 

Mommy then sat me up, and had me sit on the couch while she went and got my diapering supplies. A few minutes later, Mommy reappeared, this time armed with a new diaper, wipes, and a changing pad. 

“Let’s just get you cleaned up here, Princess,” Mommy went on, “you know the drill.” 

I got up and waddled with my poop-filled diaper to where Mommy was kneeling; I instinctively and obediently layed down and assumed the position. 

Mommy pulled down my tights and lifted the bottom of my dress up. “Wouldn’t want to get this all grossy before your party, would we?”

Mommy asked. I shook my head in agreement. 

Mommy opened my diaper, fully exposing my poopy bottom to the world, and unleashing the smell on the whole room. Mommy, for her part, started to laugh. 

“Honey, you did a number on this, it’s a good thing your party hasn’t started, or you’d have ended it by this smell,” she said teasingly. 

Just then, the door began to knock. Before I could object, Mommy called out, “You can come in!” 

I began blushing, but as if Mommy could read my thoughts, she interjected. 

“Hon, I can’t keep people waiting outside because you don’t want to have them see your poopy bottom getting clean. It’s not like anyone here has never seen it before. “

Fair point, I supposed. Most of the people coming to the party had, at some point, the honors of changing one of my dirty diapers before, or had bore witness to it on one occasion or the other; it’s not like they were complete strangers. Before I could get any last bits of objection out, my plans were thwarted by the door opening. I did wonder who it was, and I was really hoping for Samantha. When I saw who it was, I was still excited; it was Aunt Claudia and my cousins! 

She came in with a few boxes wrapped in pretty paper. She was the spitting image of her sister, although they had different hair colors, but was a radiant beauty nonetheless. She was followed by my two cousins who brought several more. 

I looked up at Auntie Claudia, smiling, even in my pretty naked, poop-covered state. For their credit, they took it in stride; it was something they were pretty used to by now, and something they’d seen quite a few times. Aunt Claudia and the girls generally watched me when Mommy was working, and as a result, had changed me quite a few times, so this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them 

“Aww, is the birthday girl being a little stinky for her Mommy?” Claudia asked, bending down and playfully holding her nose. 

“Hey sis,” Mommy smiled, “we’re just finishing here, your niece decided to give back and give her Mommy a present on her birthday,” she said laughingly, “you’ve got a really excited little girl to see you, she’s been asking for you all week!”

As I looked up at Claudia, and my cousins Caitlin and Cassidy,I couldn’t help but feel loved. Both girls were chronologically younger than me in physical age, but were much older from a mental standpoint, and I had never been looked at by them as anything other than their baby cousin Jaclyn. They were always so kind and loving, I always felt entirely lucky that I had landed in this family that I now called my own. 

The cool wipe from Mommy’s dirty job reached deep in the crack of my bottom and up the delicate regions of my smoothly-shaved kitten (as Mommy lovingly referred to it as), and before long, Mommy had me clean, lifting up my bottom for a fresh diaper, and was pulling up my tights. She then popped my paci back in my mouth and started to clean up. 

Mommy got up to put everything away, and I ran over and jumped in Aunt Claudia’s lap. I gave her a giant hug, and then gave baby hugs and kisses to each of my cousins. 

“Tank you fow comin!” I spoke up, entirely overwhelmed by excitement, running over and hugging both of my cousins and my aunt. 

“Of course little Princess, we wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Caitlin replied. 

“Do you want us to take you up to your room to play before everyone else gets here?” Cassidy asked, motioning her hand towards mine. 

Mommy returned, overhearing this, and I looked up at her.

“That is such a great idea Cassidy, why don’t you and your sister take Princess Poopy Pants upstairs to play, which I’m sure she’ll adore, and I can finish arranging the rest of the decorations with your mom,” Mommy answered.

I was bursting with excitement. “Yay! Pomies!” I squealed behind my pacifier. 

I took Caitlin and Cassidy’s hand and walked upstairs with them. I was really the luckiest girl in the world.

Playing with my cousins was one of my favorite pastimes that I currently had going. Being regressed to the level of a baby meant that there were a lot of things that I used to do (or be able to do) that no longer existed or were permitted. As Mommy eloquently put it, “babies are to be cute and quiet, not ugly and loud.” I was ok with that, because even though I had admittedly lost a lot (given it up really), I’d also gained quite a bit in regard to what my desires had driven me to. Was it a case of being careful what I wished for? Absolutely, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  

Caitlin and Cassidy were high school aged, separated by a mere 18 months. Even though I was technically “older” than them both, they, in all reality had surpassed me mentally a long time ago. We’d known each other running a decade, and over that decade, we’d gotten close, having a lot of fun times with both them and Samantha, my older sister. They were usually Mommy’s go-to sitters when she was at work and Aunt Claudia was occupied with her own work or social life. From a young age, they were involved with helping the adults feed, change, and other activities with “the baby”. 

They both were spitting images of their mom; it seemed to be a genetic thing that all of the women in the family looked alike. I was the outlier for obvious reasons, but was well-loved and never treated any differently. For that, I was extremely grateful. 

Today, I was super excited to play My Little Pony with the two of them. I’d probably made them watch Friendship is Magic more times than they’d care for, but to their credit, they always humored me with it. Mommy had gotten me the complete set; I was truly a spoiled princess, but I never let it go to my head.

We reached the door to my nursery, Caitlin in front holding one hand, Cassidy bringing up the back holding my other. We went and sat down on the beanbag collection in the corner; it also happened to be where my toy chest was. 

Sitting on a beanbag in a diaper is definitely a uniquely great feeling; it’s like having two pillows under your butt. Mommy made sure to get thicker diapers for “my big messies”, and it definitely made things, like beanbags, a different feeling than they had been in my previous life. It all seemed so far away when I used to take bong rips on a beanbag, and my only interaction with them now was playing ponies with my cousins. It was different, there really was no freedom to speak of, but you know what? I loved every bit of this all. 

“Cuzzy wuzzy, what are we going to play today? “ Cassidy inquired. 

“Wawity! I wan Wawity!” I yelped, pointing to my beloved Rarity doll on the corner of my dresser. 

Caitlin walked over and grabbed it, while also grabbing a Rainbow Dash for herself and a Fluttershy for Cassidy.

“Here you go cutie pie,” she handed it to me, brandishing a smile. 

“So pretty pants, are you excited for today? I heard SAMANTHA is coming..the three of us may have a surprise for your little tushie!” Cassidy started laughing. 

I wondered what it was, dribbling a little pee into my thirsty and waiting diaper while I did so. 

“Wha is it Caffidy?” I inquired, “Caitwin?”

They both laughed, “It’s a surprise Jacy, you’ll just have to wait and see! It wouldn’t be a surprise if either of us told!” Caitlin spoke up. 

I raised my hands out, “Huggy?” 

“OFFFF COURRRRSE” they both laughed.

They both came close and we all huddled close in a group hug. I felt so loved. 

We continued playing upstairs; there was noise downstairs that made it sound like more guests had arrived. We didn’t stop for a long time, having a grand adventure in Ponyville solving a friendship mystery. The girls were great story tellers and we had a blast. 

Finally we were interrupted by Aunt Claudia, who arrived into the room amidst a cacophony of laughter over some silly adventure taking place between the three of us. 

“Girls, I hate to break this up, but everyone’s almost here, and they want to see the baby too! Do you mind bringing her down? We are going to be getting started soon!” 

“Of course Mom, we’ll get this picked up and bring the baby down when we’re done, it shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.” Cassidy spoke up. 

The baby. That was me. I’d heard it a million times, but it never got old. It truly brought a blissful feeling to my little self. I couldn’t wait to see everyone else and see what the older girls had planned. It was going to be a special day for sure.

I sat on the floor of my nursery while Cassidy and Caitlin hurriedly moved about the room, putting away my toys. After they were done, Cassidy walked over and hiked up my dress. 

“Now little girl, everyone is almost here, let’s check your didee before we take you downstairs; we wouldn’t want a wet little Princess before her big party, would we?”

Cassidy looked so much like Aunt Claudia and had her motherly quality, it was uncanny. She and Caitlin had changed me plenty of times before, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary. And, I was wet, having gone a few times since my last poopy mess, so, it probably was necessary. At this point, I had zero (if any control) and constantly dribbled in my diapers, whether I knew I was going or not. Even when I’d knowingly flooded my diapers, they were still probably significantly wet by the time that flooding came around; I needed changed around the clock like a newborn basically, a testament to Mommy Beth’s diaper training techniques over the years. I didn’t mind, it was what I wanted.

“No Caffuhdy,” I replied with a lispy response from behind my binky. 

“Good girl, I knew you’d see if my way, let’s check you then!” Cassidy exclaimed happily. 

She kept my dress hiked up, pulled down my tights, and squeezed the front of my diaper, then stuck two fingers inside.

“Mmmhmmm, just what I expected, you were just so excited to be playing with your favorite cousins that it just happened, huh Princess?” 

“Yettthhhh,” I replied, almost giggling. 

“It’s ok little Princess, we know babies can’t help where they go, that’s why you have such cute little didees!” Caitlin added, teasingly playing with my hair. 

“Well little girl, your Mommy wouldn’t want a wet girl, and you wouldn’t want to have to stop having a fun time together with everyone to get a silly diaper change, so head up to your changing table, and we’ll get you all clean!” Cassidy laughed. 

She helped me up to the top of my table, taking out a new pink diaper, wipes, powder, and every thing to make me clean. 

She carefully slid down my tights, unveiling an already-soaked diaper. I knew that I’d gone, but I didn’t realize I’d gone as much as I did. Good thing I had a diaper on, I thought. 

Cassidy made quick work of my diaper, whisking up my skinny legs, pulling out the used ones, wiping me, lifting me up again and putting a new one under me, taping it all back up. Before she pulled my tights back up, she handed my used diaper to Caitlin to throw away. 

“See Caity, not just the birthday girl gets presents today! I get to do a change, you get a peepee diaper!” She laughed. 

Caitlin took it in stride, laughing all the while. By the time she had tossed it in my diaper genie, my change was done and I was all dressed up. 

“Awwwright baby girl, it’s party time!” They both exclaimed in unison. 

They both grabbed my hand, and we headed down to the party, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

We walked down the stairs, my hand each in one of my cousin’s. I’d been so excited for this day to come, it was hard to believe another year had come and gone at this wonderful place. 

As I came down the stairs, I heard voices. Familiar ones. They were laughing and carrying on like it was completely normal to be at yet another birthday that had a never-changing number. About the only thing that changed at these parties were my dirty diapers, and I was perfectly fine with that. In any case, Mommy and Auntie Claudia had done an amazing job on the final decorations, the day was going to be perfect. 

The room was full of love; I saw my Mommy, my Auntie Claudia, my Nana, my Papa, Mommy’s friends Meg, Rachael, and Dana (who basically were my Aunties anyway). There were a few friends from Auntie Dana’s daycare that I played with regularly, including Dana’s two toddlers. It all seemed like the most natural thing in the world. 

Everyone was there. Except Samantha. Where was she? Mommy said she would! Where was she? My infantile emotions began to get the best of me, and I began to cry. Soon it broke into an all-out drainage of tears. I couldn’t stop them. 

“WHEA...IS....SAMANTHWAAA????” I could hardly be consoled. I wiggled myself out of my cousins’ hands, threw myself down, kicking my legs up and down; luckily, my diaper broke my fall. 

Mommy rushed over, I think halfway embarrassed, but mostly in a consoling manner. She took me and held me close. 

“Honey, it’s ok, it’s ok, she’s going to be here a little later, she’s getting your present ready, shhhh it’s ok Hon, it’s ok, everybody’s here, they’re all so happy to see you, please don’t cry...” she kissed me on the forehead. 

I felt a little better. I’d been missing Samantha so much, I’d felt abandoned by her since she went off to college. I just hoped she would be here, Cassidy and Cait said the three of them did have something. My tears subsided at that happy thought. Besides, a lot of great people were here, and well, I needed to be a good little girl. It was my party, and I could cry if I wanted to, but Samantha would be here, she had to be. 

I grabbed Mommy’s hand and stayed close. I’d just embarrassed myself crying about something that probably shouldn’t have been cried about, but I just felt like I needed my Mommy at that moment. Her hand holding mine gave me all the security I needed. As we went from guest to guest, I was so happy I was hers, she had truly given me a most wonderful life. My journey to being Mommy Beth’s baby girl had started over a decade before. I was fully conscious now and as my wet diaper was mercifully changed into something dry, I looked at my Mommy’s radiant smile, sucked on my pacifier and began to daze back onto how it had all began...
 

Falling in Reverse, Part II

TEN YEARS PRIOR

The journey to where I eventually found myself wasn’t the easiest, nor was it entirely what I’d fully planned on doing with the rest of my life; it just kind of happened. 

I had been a first year college freshman, away at school and away from the overbearing glares of my parental units. Freedom. Liberty. All that was awesome. This was finally afforded to me. I could hang out with who I wanted, i could stay up as late as I wanted, it was all at my fingertips. 

I took this newfound freedom to join groups online that would have been looked at as taboo and quite off putting by those around me; they’d certainly open me up to a large amount of ridicule at the very least. 

I’d grown up in a small conservative town in a rural environment hostile to change and free-thinking. So when I had the chance to bolt for greener pastures, I jumped on it and never looked back. It was finally an honest attempt at being able to finally distance myself from my past, no matter how twisted things may get in the future, for better or worse. 

I’d always had an interest in things that weren’t necessarily mainstream. Between my penchant for marihuana ingesting and love of ancient rock albums, I didn’t fit in with the popular groupings at school or within my own peer group. I was okay with that though, as I didn’t want to fit in, I yearned for more in my life than surrounding myself with a sad sass of sycophants ready to whoop it up over the woebegone tales of many a basketball game gone by. 

So when I’d been accepted into a school a million miles away from my throttled existence, I jumped at the chance to go. Sure, my family feigned sadness over my departure, but it was a necessary break for all of us. Little did I know, of course, that my break would be permanent. 

With the freedom now in front of me, I could finally utilize it to explore some inner voices in me that had been yearning to be out for some time, particularly in the sexual relations department. I’d long been interested in quite a few things, but I’d never gotten a chance to really explore them, other than spending scattered shots of time reading about them on an ancient dial up computer using AOL CDs as rocket fuel to the dark corners of the Interwebs. 

Soon, I was off to my new locale; I’d been accepted into the University of Hawaii, a place I could finally branch out in. I could finally be myself, meet a new crowd, and could finally explore what really made me tick. I flew out from my rural habitat to Honolulu a week before classes started, so I could acclimate to my new surroundings. 

When I got to my dorm, I finally had an outlet, and a place for privacy. Being antisocial as I was, I’d requested that I be placed in a single unit. I had something private all to my own, my own bathroom and everything. Even though I often looked at myself as sort of a worldly person, I was always apprehensive about using bathrooms in public, especially if I had to poop. The same went for shared living; I was always petrified about sitting on a foreign surface and was always paranoid about sitting on someone’s pee, or something. When there was a chance to move into something private, I jumped at it. 

Setting up shop in my new living room, I felt like I’d entered some sort of alien futurist paradise. The Internet wasn’t dial up, I had free cable. I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven. 

That night, I set up my computer and went out for food. I’d even bought a few decorations for my room, including a lacquered porcupine fish, which I’d planned to hang from my ceiling. After I’d gotten back in, I decided to surf the Internet before I fell asleep. 

It wasn’t long before I’d hit on my vices again. One thing led to another, and I’d soon found my way to a listing of AOL chats, particularly one titled “Personals” and featured a host of people seeking, apparently, play partners, whatever those were. I decided to take a scattershot approach, and began IMing friend requests on a blanket scale, many to no avail. 

I’d given up, becoming disheartened by the results of my seemingly delusional adventure. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, I kept telling myself. 

As I’d changed into reading something non-fetish related, I received an alert. BethyBubbles9 had accepted my friend request and was now online. My heart jumped. It seemed a new adventure had begun...

As the notification raised up and then down on the lower corner of my screen, I froze. Adrenaline flowed through me, even though this could be a bot. My thoughts went a million miles a minute. I didn’t know what to say, what should I type, and how long should I wait...and...

My thoughts were interrupted by a message box shooting on to my screen. 

“Hello hon” was all the text box contained. 

I was paralyzed. I’d never been exactly great with talking to girls before, especially ones that  potentially held the keys to my ultimate fantasy. I’d had girlfriends in the past, sure, but nothing serious than a possibly rushed one night stand at prom, and the awkwardness that followed after that. Nothing had prepared me for the sheer terror and excitement that currently engulfed my neuronic senses at this point and time. As if guided by some unknown force, my hands descended on the keyboard. 

“Hi” was all I could type out in a reply, I hoped I hadn’t sounded too meek. 

“I’m Beth,” the initial message said. 

Before I could type anything, I was subjected to a barrage of a text wall. “Why did you send me a request? You’re not another horny desperate guy looking for camming or sex, are you? Because if you are, please leave, I don’t have the time, nor the patience to deal with another one of you.”

My jig was up. I’d already angered this woman, and all of my effort, minuscule as it was, was going to be completely for naught. I had to play it cool, maybe I’d get somewhere. 

“I’m not interested in any of that...I just liked the look of your profile...I want to get to know you.” I meekly typed. 

Shit. I’d blown it with a canned response. It was going to be back to the drawing board, it seemed. My little ruse had been destroyed. Time for another long walk on the beach, pondering where I’d gone wrong. 

Just then, much to my surprise, another message popped up. 

“Well that’s good to know then hon, who are you? Tell me about you...why did you add me? We’re complete strangers, that’s not necessarily good judgement on your part, I could be an axe murderer for all you know! ;)”

The “;)” lightened my spirits a bit, clearly she couldn’t have been too mad at me. I had a very bad habit of overthinking things, often drawing conclusions with very little to base those conclusions on. 

So I spilled my guts. “I’m Chase,” I started, and then I went on from there. I told her how I’d left everything behind in my previous abode, and how I wanted a new start from where I was originally, that the University of Hawaii was where I was studying. It was a new adventure, I’d told her, and I was somewhat uneasy by the drasticness of which I’d changed my life. I didn’t know anyone here yet, other than a few random RA’s, and being from a fairly rural environment originally, I was how you’d say, a bit overwhelmed. Being as introverted as I was, I felt more comfortable meeting people on the Internet, rather than going and actually, you know, talking to people around me. I’m sure that I would at some point meet a few people to consider friends, but at this point, becoming acclimated to the area, I was more at-home meeting strangers on cyberspace rather than in my own private Honolulu. 

It turned out to be a very pleasant conversation; Beth had seemed to understand quite well.  It turned out she was an attorney in San Francisco who had aspirations of buying a small farm, she was a single mom, and had a lot of interests in art and the like that I similarly shared. We must have talked for at least two hours. Finally it was time for her to go; she said she had some previous engagement, but then promised that she’d be back on later, or maybe tomorrow. 

I was hooked, almost smitten with this woman, and I’d barely known her. From the sounds of it, she was probably quite a bit older than me, but we did seem to connect well on a personal level, as short of a time as it had been. Maybe I’d be hooking up with an older woman? How old was her child? Was I ready to be a teenage step-father? I didn’t quite know. She had a warm quality about her, almost mother-like, and in a way that I really wasn’t used to. Maybe she took pity on me, maybe she really did like me. In any case, she encompassed a nice-ness that had almost been lacking in my life up to that point. No longer was I just some random asshat who smoked weed and listened to ancient rock music; she made me felt like I mattered, at least so long as we’d talked. I was happy that she was at least willing to listen to me. I did, though, wonder why. 

As I would come to find out later on, the truth was indeed stranger than fiction. 

Later on that night, I’d seen that Beth had signed on. Once again, completely smitten, I sent a short little note, “Hi!” was all that I said. 

Once again, she started replying back, and once again, the nervousness got the best of me. I couldn’t look. I figured I’d blow this again, just like I’d blown so many other previous possible romantic interludes so many times in the past; my life behind me seemed to be a minefield. I guess they say that experience comes from bad decisions, and I’d certainly made more than a few. Looking back on those only made me shudder a little bit. 

“Hey hon, how are you?” Beth replied. 

We talked some more about school and work; I was due to start classes in a few days, and I’d told her that I was interested in going into business and finance. It turned out that Beth represented a juice company in the area, and told me that there would be a chance for internships for the following summer if I wanted to look into something like that. To be honest, it wasn’t something that I’d ever really thought of, but I guess it was something that I’d probably consider; I had to see what the following year brought. I’d dreamt of spending a summer working for a surfboard company, like Tokoro Surfboards, or even a bank, like First Hawaiian. A drink company wasn’t even in the same stratosphere at the time. I humored her though, and told her I’d at least consider it. Beth told me she’d “sweeten the deal” by sending me a case of the drinks, and if I really did like it, to at least consider it. It felt like she was pushing me towards that direction, but being as stubborn as I was, I wasn’t really having any of it. Not taking it at all seriously, I gave her my address and told her to send me a case if she was so inclined. She said she would, although I very much wondered if it was just a caee of an empty promise. 

We talked some more for the rest of the night. Eventually, the time difference took its toll; there was a three hour difference, and when it was winding up as dinner time for me, it was bed time for Beth, and we parted ways. She told me she’d send a case of the juice her company made, and we made plans to talk again in the next few days. While it was an odd series of events, something about it nevertheless felt kind of, right, I guess? We parted ways. She presumably went to bed, and I headed out for food. 

Several weeks had passed, and I eventually found myself into a bit of a groove. I’d started classes, made a few friends, one of whom I’d become especially close with. Her name was Alanna, and she was from a neighboring island. We weren’t necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, but somewhat friends with benefits, and we spent a lot of time listening to old music, hitting the beach, smoking marijuana, going to some football games and watching people out on Waikiki and the Ala Moana Center. It really hadn’t been too bad of a start. What was even nicer to me is that I’d really obtained a break from the static environment I’d come from; it seemed that since I was no longer engrossed in the daily activities of the neanderthals I’d previously associated with, there was no longer any interest with involving me in the details of those same ones. As a result, my own communication with my already-distant family became even more of a distance, almost resembling the seemingly-infiniteness of the setting sun on the horizon from the beach. I can’t say that I was too broken up about it; it was something I’d sought for a considerable amount of time. 

Classes were going well, and I’d really taken to them; I did something very unnatural (for me, anyway) and decided to declare a major. I really enjoyed reading about business, markets, and the like, so I decided to major in Business Administration. As a result, I was able to take some courses in Economics and Business sprinkled in with the rest of the general education curriculum that I’d found myself in. One class that I really enjoyed was the Legal Environment of Business, which only served to remind me of my conversations with Beth the Bay Area Business Attorney. 

I hadn’t stopped talking with Beth, though our conversations had somewhat trickled to a bit of a halt, owing to some pending litigation that she told me she had to take care of. I figured she was busy enough, and went about my own thing. One day, out of the blue, she messaged me and told me to “Be on the lookout for a box of surprises.”

I had no idea what to expect. I thought maybe she was sending me an email or something. A few days later, on my way back from a day at the beach with Alanna, I was greeted with a box sitting in front of my door. 

“Expecting some shipment? Are you in the drug trade now?” Alanna laughed. She had a way of laughing at everything we seemingly encountered; perhaps some of that was the stuff we ingested, probably more of it had to do with her laid-back attitude towards almost everything. In many ways, she was the ultimate partner-in-crime; there was nothing that she wasn’t too willing to do, whether it was taking drugs, skipping class, or having sex in almost too many inappropriate social situations. She was a bit of an Amazon, towering over my 5’6 frame at almost 6’3, and she’d been recruited to play basketball at Manoa but really wasn’t too interested in actually doing it, so she liked to party and the such instead. 

“Uh, maybe something from back home, I guess, but it’s not covered in dust, so maybe not,” I laughed back. 

I looked at the box, it was addressed to me, and it was from…Beth Porter, San Rafael, CA. There was a street address, too, but I didn’t really pay attention. I guess Beth wasn’t joking around; there really was something headed my way. I’d gotten so used to being constantly on the outside looking in, that I figured I wasn’t special to anyone. 

“Hmmm Chase-y, you got an admirer? Girlfriend back home?” Alanna teased. 

“Just a friend, I think,” I kind of stuttered in a reply. “Let’s go open it, and see what’s inside,” I motioned with my hand and opened up the front door. 

We went inside of my apartment. It wasn’t much to look at, I suppose. Pretty much all concrete inside with a tattered series of carpets, and a bunch of posters I’d hung up on the walls, along with some of my own artwork. I loved music, artwork, and I loved posters, so my house had that sort of a bent. It wasn’t the most lavish existence, but I felt like I had ownership of it. 

We went inside and put the box on the coffee table in the living room. I was more of a toking sort, so this should have been called the Cannabis Table, or something similar. There was a bong that could have doubled for a flower vase, and a few surfing magazines. Nothing too extravagant. I moved them away, took a pair of scissors, and sliced through the tape. I wondered what would be inside. 

I opened the box, with great excitement, a little apprehension as to what I’d get from the strange siren of the Internets, and what I found was….

A case of bottles with different color liquids, titled “Super Juice”, a SF Giants t-shirt, and a little Buddha statue. All things I’d talked to Beth about liking, although she did most of the talking (and liking apparently) of the super juice. There was a note on the top; it was handwritten. 

“To my lovely Chase, enjoy the goodies, think about ‘Summer in SF’! – Beth” 

Alanna peered over my shoulder. “Lovely Chase huh? You must really be getting around, and a summer in San Francisco? You’d better pack something warm, my cousin lives there and always is bitching about the cold there during the summer.”

“I really wasn’t planning on it, Lana,” I bounced back, chuckling. 

“Hmm, that seems to suggest differently. It’s ok, I don’t mind,” Alanna laughed. 

So we went and got some weed, put it in the bong, and smoked ourselves silly in my fan-filled bathroom. We laughed and stumbled out into the living room, and put on VH1. “Best Week Ever” was on, followed by “I Love the 80s”. We sat there and laughed, and sometime after, I got what you’d consider to be…cottonmouth. It was the scourge of my stoned existence up to this point, and unlike most times, I was plum out of anything to drink. I could have drank tap water, I guess, but I never trusted it,  owing back to my rural existence, where the water had resembled more rust than anything else. 

There was the juice in the box, I supposed. It was supposed to be good, but what people said and what I often thought were generally diametrically opposed. In any case, anything sounded good at this point, and I decided to crack open one of the bottles. It was a blue, somewhat thick liquid and tasted like blueberries and other fruity things. To be honest, it was amazing beyond my wildest dreams. I couldn’t help but drink more and more. 

“Lana…you’ve got to try this, it’s absolutely amazing!” I shouted with ecstasy. 

“Ummm…no thanks, I don’t take treats from strangers, my parents always told me it was unwise,” Alanna laughed. “But you go right ahead, I’ll pretend I’m with you in spirit.”

So I went ahead and drank the rest of it. I wanted to drink more, but I thought that I’d best leave them be. I went ahead and moved them into the fridge, walked back, and sat back on the couch next to Alanna. We laughed some more, and she put her arm around me, and I snuggled onto her chest, my face firmly nestled on her giant boobs. I put my legs over top of hers, and my eyes started to drowsily move. One of the worst habits I had lately was falling asleep after I smoked, but luckily I had someone that I could fall asleep with. Alanna and I often fell asleep like this on the couch, either at my place or hers. Sometimes we did more, but sometimes we were just content like…this. 

My eyes closed and I drifted off. I was immediately sent to a dream world that resembled the North Shore, and I decided to get in the water from the beach. There was a warm feeling that was submerging me, and I excitedly began to swim around, with the feelings of fish between my toes, my white body moving through the water and…..

“Jesus Chase, what the fuck?” I heard Alanna yell. I was startled because I’d never heard her use that tone before, at least on the very rare occasions. “You pissed all over me! Why? Why?”

What? Pissed all over? I hadn’t peed in my sleep since…well…I couldn’t ever remember. Even on some of my most infamous blackouts and the like, I never lost control of that kind of stuff, so this was all a bit concerning. 

“Shit! I’m sorry Lana! I didn’t know! I just had a dream I was in the ocean!”

“Well, now you’re going to have to do my laundry, I’m going to go take a shower and get your pee…off of me!” Lana got up and walked towards my bathroom. 

I didn’t usually like to do laundry, much less that for someone else, but I figured that in this moment, it was the least I could do. There was the question of my own clothes too; they were also covered in warm pee. I decided I’d just do that all at once. 

I got the washer started while Lana was in the bathroom, and took her clothes, stripped down, and put mine in with hers. I went back to my room, got a new shirt, shorts, and underwear, put those on, put the clothes in the washer, and went out and cleaned up the mess on the couch. This was really unusual, and to be honest, It made me feel a little uneasy. Maybe it was anxiety or something, maybe it was something new, I didn’t really know. I did know that I didn’t like it, and hoped it wouldn’t happen again. 

Alanna came out, her hair in a towel, clad only in a bra and panties. “Let’s get a blanket there, Pissy,” she motioned to the couch. “I had some plans for tonight, but I’m out of clothes, and don’t have any here, so well, you’re stuck with me for awhile, I hope you don’t mind,” she kind of laughed. 

I went and set up the Super Nintendo and we played an endless series of Mario Kart. She was quite good at it, and usually ended up kicking my ass at it. I could play a lot of games on there with the utmost of ease, but controlling the kart generally went as well as how I controlled my bladder in the last hour on the couch. 

After a bit, I got up and switched the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and came out and got back on the SNES. 

“I should just make you my little house servant,” Alanna joked, “I had no idea you could clean and do laundry so well…”

“Aw shit, I would, but it only goes in spurts,” I laughed. 

We played Mario Kart for a little longer, then a little Mario World, and finally, the laundry was done. I went and got it and brought it out to Alanna. She got dressed right in the living room, her curves were so beautiful. She was as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. 

“Wanna go get some food? Then I gotta jet, I didn’t expect to layover this long, I got a little…rained out.” Alanna laughed. I was never going to live this down. 

“Yeah, but we got to do the most important thing first,” I replied. “Let’s go to the airport…”

It wasn’t the real airport, but the proverbial one. We went and “flew airplanes” with the fan on, and then headed out. Something good sounded great right now. 

We went to Buca Di Beppo and got a ton of food. Besides cotton mouth, I was always amazed at the largesse of food I could eat when I was high on this stuff. We laughed, and ate, and laughed at all the strange shit on the walls. It was a great time. 

After we were done, Alanna drove me back home. “Now Chase, don’t go chasin’ waterfalls, just stick to the dry land you’re used to…that goes for rivers and lakes too!” she laughed and winked. “I’ll try and make it by tomorrow, if not, let’s go to the beach this weekend!” and she drove off. 

She was really amazing, but I was always afraid to take it to the next level, romantically. I valued her so much as a friend, and sure, we had sex and all, but I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I could possibly lose her. It was very un-Buddha of me, I guess, but I wasn’t a Buddhist. 

I went inside and logged onto my computer, Beth was on. 

“Hey stranger,” I typed out, “I got your box!”

“Mmmhmmm,” Beth replied, “How did you like it hon?”

“I really liked the presents,” I told her. “You were right, that juice was really good! Very very tasty!”

“Well, good, be sure to drink the whole case and let me know how you like it, I can send more when you’re done if you really like it, my treat :)”

 “You can work there in the summer as an intern, we’re always looking for new people!” 

“I’ll have to think about it, if the internship is half as good as the juice, then it HAS to be a great place to work :)” I typed out.

“Oh hon, you don’t know the half of it” Beth replied. 

We talked some more that night, she told me what she could about the stuff she was doing, and I told her about all of my trips to the beach. I didn’t tell her about my wetting episode, because, well, it was embarrassing, and I was trying to impress this lady, and didn’t want her to think I was strange or anything like that. We chatted some more, and finally, she was drifting off to sleep. 

I decided to play some more video games, but wound up reading a giant conspiracy about the Denver Airport and the New World Order. It was fascinating, to say the least, if not completely improbable. I got thirsty again, and decided to crack open another one of those juices that Beth had sent. This one tasted like strawberry-banana, and was just as delicious as the first one. I’d never had juice like this; it tasted so vividly fresh, and very much differed from what I’d previously gotten at the store. If this was what food and drink were like outside of the rural realm I’d been accustomed to, I certainly figured I’d made the right decision. I drank it as fast as I could open it; I never felt like I wanted to put it down. 

The hours passed, and I decided to go to bed. I’d read enough about conspiracies and seen enough banana peels fly across the screen for the night. Outside of the one incident, I’d had a fantastic day with Alanna, enjoying the beach, good food, and her friendship. I went back to my room, climbed on the bed, covered up and drifted off to sleep. 

Once again, just like earlier, I was back at this warm beach, and once again, I’d decided to jump back into the water. Warmness surrounded me; I was having a completely amazing time in the surf. Without warning, a wave roared through and pounded me into the sandy bottom below. It was startling, and the saltwater flowed through my nostrils, creating a burning situation. I was falling in reverse through the water it seemed, the sun becoming a distant memory and an ever shrinking ball of white flames above. As I felt like I was falling and drowning, I shot myself awake, bringing up an all-too familiar feeling from earlier. 

It had happened again. I had wet myself. What was happening to me?
 

[BabyGirlSJ]

III. 

Since the first and subsequent accident, I had grown increasingly anxious, as I didn’t know what to expect from night-to-night. The accident that night wasn’t my first, and it definitely wasn’t my last. I’d tried hiding it as best I could, which was one of the perks of living alone; it did however, make my sleepovers with Alanna a bit more of a trouble. Over the subsequent few weeks, I used every excuse in the book to get out of staying over at her place, or having her stay over at mine. It was getting to be more and more of a burden, both on my time, and really weighing on my psyche; it was taking a toll on my school work, my social life, and most importantly (and unfortunately), my friendship with Alanna. I think that she thought I’d suddenly found something more or less unappealing and/or appalling about her, and as a result, things were a little, strained. 

I didn’t want to really tell her the nature of things, if only because it was so embarrassing. I’d taken to sleeping on the tile floor of my bedroom, if only to make my wettings easier to clean up in the morning. I’d gone to the doctors at student health, and despite a wide battery of tests, they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. I was at a loss. I felt alone in all of this, but I didn’t know who else to talk to. I guess I could have talked to Beth about it, but like Alanna, I was apprehensive to, as I thought she’d also consider me a freak. We’d been talking quite a lot lately, and I’d gotten another few boxes of that wonderful tasting juice. 

The whole goings on had really convinced me to branch out and keep more of an open mind about the potential summer internship in San Francisco. I’d never been there before, and my only knowledge of it was from watching baseball and football games on TV, along with a few movies set there. I was nearing the end of the first semester, and in doing so, I’d been sending out interests for internships, mostly in and around Honolulu. I’d really hoped to land something at a surfing company, as I had a real interest in the design process and really wanted to get some hands-on experience. Just for kicks and giggles, I’d decided to send one to that juice company in the Bay Area too, if only to get Beth to stop pestering me about it when we talked. I had no real interest; I really liked it out on the islands, and I figured I had a really great shot to land something out there. Outside of the funk I found myself currently mired in, I had made some good connections with my professors and really thought that I’d be able to turn that into something productive. 

 A few mornings later, I’d gotten a text message from Alanna; all it said was “We need to talk”.

My heart dropped. Maybe this was the end of everything; I’d made a great friend, and now in the throes of my current anxiety-filled existence, I’d tossed it all away. I had a penchant for being self-destrucitve in the past, and it only seemed natural that it would rear its ugly head again, albeit in a different locale. 

I sent a text back “Come by this morning?”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes”

My anxiety took hold of me, and I decided that this was the end. As much as I’d like to cut the tension by toking up, lately it had only caused me nothing but paranoia, and I’d had a huge surplus build up as a result. I picked up a copy of The Economist and decided to get lost in an article for a few minutes; I felt like I was going to my own funeral. 

After an agonizing wait that seemed more like 15 years than 15 minutes, there was finally a knock at my door. I opened it, and it was Alanna. 

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, definitely,” I replied, motioning to the couch. 

Alanna went over and sat on the couch, patting the cushion next to her. I followed her direction and went and sat on the couch. She looked a little distraught and like she had at least a little bit of things on her mind. 

“Chase, what’s exactly going on with you lately? You haven’t wanted to go to the beach, you haven’t wanted to get high, you haven’t wanted to do well…anything! Is there something I said? Something I did?” 

“Um…well…I’ve just had a lot on my plate with classes, and um…”

“Oh shit, that’s never stopped you before! There were always classes and everything, you never cared before! What was it? What is it? WHAT DID I DO?”

At this moment, I realized my half-assed reply was worth nothing, and really amounted to my only spinning my wheels over and over in a lame attempt to deflect my real issues. 

“Look, can I tell you something Lana?”

“Chase, we’re friends, I don’t judge you, I’m more concerned that you wouldn’t tell me something, do you even trust me?”

“It’s just…embarrassing.”

“Well, c’mon then, just tell me, I promise, I absolutely promise I won’t tease, make fun of you, or anything harmful…I’m a judgement free zone.”

I gulped. “Well…” I started. 

So then I spilled my guts out what had been bothering me the last few weeks. The wet sheets, the ruined mattress, the resorting to sleeping on the floor, the failed doctor’s appointments, and everything else in between. 

“…so you see, I just couldn’t tell you, or I didn’t want to tell you because, well, I’ve been really ashamed of myself.” I finished. 

Alanna gave me a look of disbelief. “You mean to tell me, you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder, all over…wet sheets? C’mon, you could have told me that. I could have at least tried to help. My little sister wet her bed for a long time…I used to help my mom deal with it. I can help, you, too…if you want.”

“Well look, it’s just never happened before. I don’t know what’s been going wrong with me.”

“Let’s just get something for your mattress, like maybe a mattress protector, they’re cheap and you can buy them over at Target. I’ll take you down there this afternoon. Jesus Chase, here I thought that I’d said something to piss you off, or you just wanted nothing to do with me, and this is all it is…you’re unbelievable.” There was kind of a jovial undertone, but it was still mixed with a bit of concern. 

“Sounds good to me, I just want to be able to sleep on a bed again.”

So we went down to Target. We found something that would fit my bed, and I bought it. To say the least, I was very embarrassed as the clerk rang it up. I felt like a timid child who couldn’t control their functions, and it felt like Alanna was an older sibling, watching over me. Of course, she and I both knew that not to be the case, but to the casual onlooker, I supposed it could be a lot different. I was a very modest person, and really, these sorts of things always made me uncomfortable; I was even uncomfortable buying a plunger to sort out a backed up toilet I had earlier on in the semester. I paid for it and we left. 

“See, now was it all that bad? You should have come to me sooner…you wouldn’t have needed the stress,” Alanna chided. 

So we went back to my house, Alanna helped me put the sheet on the bed, and we went and smoked some of Kauai’s Finest. It was nice to have some normalcy again, even if there was the nagging thought I kept having of that noisy sheet on my bed. 

We made out a bit on the couch, watched some fun stuff, and had a really great time. We made plans to meet up again in the next day or so, and I went back to studying. I finally felt, content? My friendship with Alanna was repaired, I’d had some great applications for internships, and even better to top it off? I had some of that amazing juice that Beth kept supplying me with. 

Beth. Things had been going well with her, as I’d noted. We weren’t like, romantic, or anything, but really, she was someone I’d talked to every night. She’d become more like my family than anything, almost like a motherly figure that I’d really never experienced. My own mother was always too far involved with my other family to really care about my own endeavors, and as my relationship with Beth grew and flourished, my own relationship with my family had seemingly dropped in a bit of a reversal. Not that I really could complain; I had ventured out here to get away from them all. She still kept trying to sell me on that internship, and told me to let her know when I’d submitted that application. I’ll admit that I was really quite hesitant; if she was an attorney there, they always seemingly had a lot of pull, and I worried that I’d actually, you know, get it. I really wanted to stay out here, and I had a few good things lined up, I thought, and really, I wanted to go forward with those. I had to get them. I thought I was one of the best candidates; my grades were solid, and I thought I had great references. I worried that if I got the juice internship that I was going to be subjected to an all-out pressure campaign that would influence me to taking it and I’d miss out on something really cool around here. All over an Internet relationship. 

In many ways, I was conflicted, I supposed. It would be a new experience, but where would I live? That place was expensive, I’d read and I’d been told. There wasn’t a place that would take under $2,000 dollars a month for a rental I thought, and even then, that was only if you took a long-term lease. I was looking for something that was just a few months, something like that was high in price, and only then, something big. Something big that I couldn’t afford. I told that to Beth that night on a conversation we had. Like everything else, she had an answer for it, too. 

“Well, if you get that internship, why don’t you just stay at my house? I have an extra room, and I don’t think it’d be too much of a hassle; I’m usually so busy I’m not at home, and my daughter is going to be with her dad for most of the summer. You wouldn’t be any problem at all! :)” 

Again, she made it very tempting. I didn’t know though. We had only known each other from IMs, and well, I was always wary of strangers, even if they did seem fairly pleasant. You never could be too sure about the other person on the other side of the screen. 

“Well, if I get it, it’ll definitely give me something to think about…I have some other irons in the fire out here too that I have to see about.”

“Keep it in mind hon, I think you’d really like it.”

I told her I definitely would. We talked some more that night, and pretty soon, the nights turned into days, and those days turned into weeks. I’d finally hit the end of the semester, and was in the winter break. I still hadn’t heard from any of the places I’d applied to, but the person at Career Services assured me that I should be hearing back anytime soon. “These things take time,” they always assured me. 

I still had the wet bed problem, but for the most part, the sheets seemingly took care of it. If Alanna stayed over, she’d just sleep on the couch, or we’d figure out something else. My bladder seemed like it was getting smaller and smaller, though, which was concerning. I often found myself running to the bathroom more and more, and just barely making it, with a cascade of pee generally coming out each time that I found myself there. Once again I went to the doctor, as I thought maybe I had early-onset diabetes, and once again, I was turned away with an “I don’t know what’s wrong, maybe try more stress relief exercises, or some of this anti-anxiety medication.” I didn’t like feeling like a zombie though, so I always stuck to my Vitamin Green. I didn’t have anxiety, but I felt like I didn’t have much of a bladder, either. Alanna for the most part gave me a ton of shit about it, in a joking matter of course, saying I’d have to be back in pull-ups like her potty training cousin if I kept this up. She was only joking of course, but I always was a little self-conscious.

I kept getting more of the juice, and kept getting more requests to “keep that internship at the juice company in mind” from Beth. I really wanted to work at a surf company though. The days came and went, and what followed could best be described as an extreme exercise in futility. I was generally greeted with “We thank you for your interest, and we’ve had a lot of extremely great candidates, but you have not made the cut for the next round.” It was one, after another. I whined about it to Alanna, who kept assuring me that something would probably take root at some way or the other, and maybe I could work a front desk at the Waikiki Grand or something over the summer. There’d be something out there, she’d assure me. I hoped that she was right; she really was proving to be my rock at this point. I hated failing at anything, and so far, I found myself drowning in it. For once in my life I had really started to waver and lose confidence, and I really didn’t enjoy that. I told Beth about this too, who also encouraged me and told me confidently that something would work out. I didn’t know what the problem was, I’d gotten a 3.75 my first semester, and in some pretty challenging classes, too. There had to be something out there, right?

Just as it seemed that everything would come to a grinding halt, and I’d be forced to once again cast my wide net out there, something came in the mail. I’d gone to the beach with Alanna one afternoon, and after she’d dropped me off, I went and checked the mailbox. I didn’t know it then, but it was something that would wind up changing my life forever, for better or worse. 

I’d gotten a collection of envelopes; I had some more rejections, a credit card advertisement, and at the bottom, there was a letter from the juice company I’d applied to on a whim. Thinking it was another rejection letter, I casually opened it up, and read through the letter. Just as I was expecting a “Thank you for your interest”, I got a “We would like you to interview, please call us at your earliest convenience, (415) ….” I was a bit shocked, to say the least. I’d been getting this non-stop barrage of rejection letters, and here I now had something concrete. Not really thinking of any consequences, I called the number and set an interview up; I had a phone interview set up for the next day at 10:30. 

I called Alanna and told her the news. Suprisingly, she was pretty excited for me. She told me that she usually went out to see her cousins over there in the summer, and if I did get it and went there, we could probably meet up and have some fun. There were a lot of great things to see, and we could go up north to see the Redwood forest, for instance, or down to Big Sur. There was a lot of natural beauty there, it sounded like, and although she’d be sorry to see me leave for the summer, we’d find some ways to have fun with each other even if it wasn’t as much as we’d originally hoped. 

Next, in an almost deliriously excited phase, I logged on to tell Beth that I’d gotten an interview, and naturally, she was excited. She gave me a few tips, and peppered in a few “I told you so’s” about me being worried about landing something, and then gave me her work phone number to call her after my interview to let her know how things had gone. She didn’t use IM’s at work, and since she was very interested in how things would go, she wanted to know as soon as possible. I think I was more excited to hear her voice than I was about the interview, but I digress. 

Maybe I was too excited because I’d actually gotten a bite, and maybe this wasn’t something I should have been jumping into, but I was really jacked for that interview the next day. At the very least, they could tell me “No”, and you know what? I was ok with that. If I didn’t take a shot, well, I’d never have a chance. 

The phone interview went fairly well, I thought. They asked a lot of general questions, and basic things I think they got out of a stock folder somewhere in a labyrinth in a warehouse somewhere in the hinterlands. I didn’t know what to think, but I did give it my all. I had a lot to offer, I thought, and I figured I’d either get a “Yes” or “No” answer. It was out of my hands at this point, and there was nothing I could really do. 

The next thing I did was call the number Beth had given me. It rang, and with each ring, it gave me more and more anxiety. What if it was some random guy on the other line? What if it was a prank? What if any of this…

My thoughts were interrupted. “Hay-lo?” the sultry voice on the other line answered. It was a voice as sweet as sugar. 

“Uh…Beth?”

“Chase-y, is that you? Oh hon! How are you doing? How was the interview?”

I told her about how it’d gone, but I didn’t know whether or not I’d get it. These things had a way of never working out, I’d told her, and I expected the worse. 

“Well, you do know a higher up, you know that, right hon?” Beth said, laughing. 

“Uh, well, I guess you’re right,” I stammered. “Throw in a good word for me please?” I asked. I was desperate for anything at this point, I might as well grasp at a few straws. 

“I juuust might be able to do that, is that a pretty please?” Beth responded. 

“You bet! If you could, it’d be so amazing!” I told her. 

“Well hon, keep your fingers crossed!” Beth sing-songed back. She really did have a sweet voice, it was like the voice of angels. Very comforting, I thought. 

We talked for a few minutes more, and she gave me her home phone number before taking mine. It was really nice to talk to her, she sounded so sweet, so genuine. 

A few days later, I got a phone call back from my interviewer. “We would like you to join our team this summer; we’ll be sending you something in the mail here for you to sign. Are you interested?”

My hands shook. For once, in this giant theatre of life, it seemed like I’d succeeded at something. Sure, I’d gotten great grades all semester, but really, those were just grades. I was ecstatic that I’d not only gotten an interview, but actually succeeded at that interview, and actually had landed something concrete. I didn’t think I’d look anymore, I’d just take this. My summer was going to be in San Francisco. 
I immediately called Beth with the news, who shared in my excitement. “We’ll get everything situated here, I’ll set up your room for you, and we can make arrangements for you to fly over here. I’m sure you don’t have a lot of money, so I’ll fly you out here, don’t worry about it.”

“Um, sounds good, let’s wait til we get a little closer.”

“Mmmmmhmmmm, well you’ll be really happy with this, I can definitely assure you. I’ll take you and show you all over the place. You’re going to have a really good time.”

To be honest, I was really excited. It would be a new adventure. Things had been really different since I moved out to Honolulu, and it seemed like my island adventure would be taking another twist and turn. I couldn’t complain; I’d waited a long time for some excitement in my life, and this decision had turned out to be quite fulfilling in this regard. 

Alanna was equally excited for me. “You’ve got a place to stay too? I hope you figure out your night issues between now and then, I don’t know if they’ll be happy with having to do your laundry every day!” she joked. 

She was right. I didn’t know how to even begin to broach that topic with Beth, but I figured I’d eventually do what I had to. I was going to be staying at her house, and really, she probably had a need to know. I didn’t want to do it now; she’d probably tell me to go pound sand, and I’d be back where I started. I’d been having an issue with constantly running to the bathroom too, so I hoped that when I started at work, I could be close. They probably wouldn’t want someone who was peeing themselves. It was a juice company, not a pee company, after all. 

In any case, there was a lot to be excited about. I got invited to Alanna’s for Christmas, but I always felt out of place at those things, so I decided to stay home and go surfing. I’d catch up with Alanna when she got back. 

4 MONTHS LATER

The next semester went by in a flash. It started in January, and even though there were new classes, there was a lot going on between football, basketball, baseball, smoking marijuana, beach going, and everything else. Alanna had found a love interest, which, to my dismay, meant that we’d seen each other less and less. I had no one else but myself to blame, I suppose, I never really advanced it past the friends with benefits stage, purely for likely selfish reasons, and now it’d come back to bite me. We still had our smoke sessions of course, but now we were just friends without benefits. I used my extra time to throw myself into school work and doing research on the juice industry to get a jump start on my new position. Time flew by though, and pretty soon, I was on the phone making arrangements with Beth for the summer.

She bought me a ticket on Hawaiian Airlines, flying first class, because, as she put it “No intern of my company flies coach.”

Alanna and I spent a day together one day before I left, reminiscing about our year together, and making plans for the year after, and for the summer ahead. She was really sad to see me go, and figured I was taking after Ashton Kutcher and making a play at Demi Moore, although I’d assured her this was only a place to stay, since I’d be working, and it’s not like I really would have ever had a chance with Beth anyway. She was just someone I knew, and who was nice enough to open her doors to me, I told her. We had a toke, and a bunch of laughs, and the next day she drove me to the airport. 

“I’ll see you later this summer, I have your number there, so I will be calling! Oh and Chase, safe travels and clean sheets!” she laughed as she drove off. 

I’d gone to the ticket counter and had asked for a seat by the bathroom. The guy working there gave me a strange look but gave me my request anyway. I walked through security, and pretty soon, it was time to board. As I boarded my plane and took my seat, I thought about all of the strangeness that had enveloped my life to this point. Truth was definitely stranger than fiction, and it definitely held true in my case here. I’d brought a few books to read with me, and a Gameboy Color with Zelda: Oracle of Seasons on it. I figured I could kill a lot of time with that, and most importantly, I wouldn’t fall asleep. I dreaded falling asleep because of the issues I’d been having, and I wanted to keep myself awake as much as humanly possible. 

As we flew over the Pacific Ocean, I couldn’t help but think about the strange thing I’d just gotten myself into. Surely this would be alright? Right? The more I thought, the more I got anxiety. Maybe I was walking into a trap, maybe it was going to be something terrible, but then I’d assure myself that this was all perfectly normal when getting into a new situation. As I flipped between my screen and the window, I dozed off. 

“WE ARE NOW BEGINNING OUR DESCENT INTO SAN FRANCISCO” the intercom yelled. I was jolted awake. Shit! I’d peed myself…again! I had no clothes to change into other than the bag that was currently sitting beneath the plane…a bag I wouldn’t be able to collect until the baggage claim. 

Beth was going to be waiting for me down there too, she’d told me…how was I ever going to explain this?
 

[BabyGirlSJ]

IV.

As the plane landed, I was a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, I was pretty excited to have gotten to a new destination. On the other hand, though, I was having a bout of anxiety. Not only was I meeting a new person for the first time (and staying at their house), but I also had the problem of soaked pants and wondered just how I was going to explain my way out of this. 

I could have avoided this all by telling Beth about my problem before I started on my journey over here, or any time prior to that. Of course, my chronic elusiveness with those sorts of things reared its ugly head on many such occasions, and as a result, she was being kept in the dark with those things. Had I not been actually, you know, going to visit her, I probably wouldn’t have felt as guilty as I currently did about the goings on right now. There were a lot of times in my life where I felt like I was able to really talk my way out of something through a series of fast-talking; I really felt like I was able to think on my feet in a way that rivaled anyone else in the world. Right now would be one of those times; I didn’t want to embarrass myself more than I already had, and I really could picture myself being sent back through security after Beth saw my soaked self. She brought me over because I was a mature, top-rated student, after all, and this would only be eroding any trust she may have had in me. Looking back, I probably should have come clean at that point, but you know, hindsight is 20/20. 

The aircraft landed and I sat in place while everyone else stood up and went for their baggage. I had something up in the overhead container, but I’d feel really guilty if I gave someone an “in your face” view of my pee-stained crotch as I stood up to grab the bag. I decided I’d wait until it was at least cleared in front of me. After what seemed like a complete eternity, the row in front of me cleared, and I figured now was as good a time as any to get up and grab my bag, then take the walk of shame through the terminal to baggage claim. As I got up though, something caught my eye. There was a bottle of water. 

The bottle of water, at first glance, shouldn’t have been anything too crazy, but it sparked an idea in my head.  I’d just tell Beth that I spilled water on myself. It’d at least buy me a little time, even if it made me look like a complete klutz. I walked off, my darkened pants clear for anyone to see, with my head down to try and avoid seeing any quizzical looks. At least I didn’t have to be the person who had to clean that seat, I guess. 

The first thing I did when I got off the flight was to find a bathroom. I figured that I’d go in there, sprinkle some water on my pants, and make it more easy to pass off. As I walked down the dingy halls of the terminal building, I felt like I’d been transported from the sunny tropics to a downtrodden, fog-filled depression set on the West Coast. It wasn’t what I’d expected when I’d first read “Welcome to the Greatest City in the World” on my old NFL Quarterback Club games for my Nintendo 64. The skies were dreary outside; the air in between the jet bridge and the aircraft felt cool to the touch. It was definitely different than what I’d been used to for the last nine months or so. I hoped that the transition wouldn’t be too different. This was a big metropolitan area, after all, so it wasn’t like I was heading back to the sticks. I just hoped the experience wouldn’t be as dreary as the weather would be. 

Walking a few hundred yards from my arrival gate, I found a bathroom and quickly slipped in. It said it was a “family restroom”, so I locked the door behind me. I thought if I’d gone in another, the sight of me sitting and whipping water on my pants would make even the most open-minded person shudder in disbelief, so the more privacy that I could find, the better it would be for my case. As I walked in, I looked at myself in the mirror. The stain wasn’t too noticeable on my pants, but if someone cared to look, they’d see it; I couldn’t simply walk around like nothing had happened. I turned on the sink, cupped my hands, and flung several handfuls of water on the same area. Satisfied with my work, I turned the sink off, unlocked the bathroom door, and continued down my journey to the baggage claim. 

I’d never been in a place this big before. Honolulu’s airport was pretty nice, wide-open and airy; it was a really nice setting to walk around in. In particular, there was an outdoor garden with a set of koi ponds that I’d really enjoyed looking at prior to leaving there. I’d always had a great interest in fish and aquariums, and any chance I got to check out something related to that, I often didn’t hesitate to take that opportunity. There was nothing of the sort in this building; it was one giant long dreary hallway full of dreary newsstands, a few scattered restaurants, and an aged interior that seemed more fit for standards twenty years ago, not a present day. I was amazed at the stark contrasts between the buildings I’d flown out of in the last year, and this was definitely not on my list of favorite places to be. There were a few cool displays pocketed here and there, some from the various museums in the area, as well as art displays. There was a little bit of an effort made here, but in my opinion, it wasn’t enough. I’d hoped that this airport wasn’t an actual reflection on the area itself. If it was, I’d have been much better off just winging it as a hotel clerk this summer. 

I continued my journey down the hallway, following the signs for “Baggage Claim” and using those arrows to keep me pointed down my intended path. During this time, a sense of nervousness had begun to creep up. I’d talked to Beth on the phone, I’d seen pictures, but I didn’t know if this was really the route that I wanted to take. I could have had a really easy job working as a desk clerk this summer; I still had several summers to perform an internship at places with. Maybe I was just getting too impatient, maybe I was being too hasty. I’d been very impulsive and had taken this job without second glance, and here I was, walking down the hallway, completely full of anxiety and pee-soaked pants. What a sight I was. What an experience and ordeal this was turning out to be. What was she going to think? Did I still have time to escape out another area, abandon my suitcase at the baggage claim, and try to get Alanna to just wire me some money so I could buy a one-way back? It seemed too complicated. Maybe Beth would be repulsed and do it on her own? I didn’t know what to expect. This was all such a new experience for me. I didn’t know what to expect. There was no turning back, I thought. I just needed to see what was going to be entailed. 

Finally, after what seemed to be a complete odyssey through the terminal building that I’d found myself in, I finally reached the last escalator that indicated that baggage claim was just past the other side. This was it. I’d reached my full conclusion. My anxiety hit a fever pitch; what was going to happen? If I’d had dry pants, I don’t think I’d have been nearly as nervous, but that added a whole new layer that I didn’t necessarily know if I was ready to addressed. I’d gone over in my head what I was going to say, but things in your head often sounded better than how they came out; that was generally my own case, anyway. As I went down the escalator, I began to look around. It was a giant room with a number of conveyer belts located across it, each with a giant computer screen indicating the destination that the bags were arriving from. I scanned the hall and looked for Beth, but so far, I hadn’t found anyone who had met the description, nor who matched with the photos she had previously sent me. Of course, I still hadn’t found my particular baggage claim area, either, so there was still a chance that she was waiting for me there. 

Throughout this, my anxiety crept in as the immediacy of my meeting was delayed. What if this was all a clever ruse, and I was going to be taking part on some sort of ridiculous Candid Camera show? What if I’d been made a pawn in some sort of narco-trafficking scheme and was going to be promptly wrestled down by Federal Narcotics agents? I did have a penchant for marijuana, of course, but I would have never brought it across the ocean with me. That all would seem entirely too risky and I definitely would have had a hard time explaining it to anyone. My bags were clean, my record was clean, but my head was not. Where was Beth at? 

I walked through the room, looking at all the screens. There were incoming baggage arrivals from places like Chicago, Fresno, Seattle, Las Vegas, and….finally, Honolulu. There was a crowd of people standing around it, which wasn’t surprising as the flight was fairly full on the way over. I continued to look around the area, and there wasn’t a sign of Beth to be found anywhere. I decided to wait for my bag, grab it, and then figure out what to do with everything once I’d crossed that bridge. 

The conveyer belt wasn’t moving; the people around were just standing around with aimless conversations about their vacations, the weather, sports, and everything else in between. I was never much of a social person, especially around people that were complete strangers, so I stood awkwardly on one side of the belt. As I continued to look around the dreary hall, I spied something that stood out; there was a beautiful head of firey red flowing hair that was walking past several of the conveyer belts and headed towards the Honolulu claim. Could it be? I decided to get out of the group of people I was standing amongst, if only for a better look. 

She stood about 6’1’’ with an athletic build. She wore a set of black leggings, white shoes, a grey top, and a denim jacket. There was a set of sunglasses perched upon her head and she carried a tan bag draped across her shoulder. From her looks, she appeared to be in her late 30s-early 40s. If I wasn’t awake, I’d be convinced I was seeing a goddess in my own dreams. I’d never seen someone that beautiful before; she even made Alanna look average. From her face, I could see who I believed to be Beth. It had to be her, she had the same facial features from the pictures and absolutely the same color of hair. I didn’t know what to do at this point, should I walk up and introduce myself, or let her come and try to find me? Not wanting to keep a twisted cat-and-mouse game going, I decided to go and inquire for myself. The worst thing that could happen is that she wasn’t who I thought. Sure, I might be a little embarrassed, but I didn’t know any of these people, so it wouldn’t follow me around for very long. I walked over and got into her view. Our eyes locked. This had to be who I was looking for. 

“Beth?” I softly spoke, “Are you Beth?”

The stone-faced look on her face turned to a smile. “Chase? Chase? Is that youuuu?”

We ran towards each other, and she reached her arms out wide for a hug. We embraced for a long time, her dwarfing me with her height. My face cradled into her somewhat well-endowed chest, and I must remark that the pillow-like feature of this chest was only accentuated by the sweet-smelling-ness of whatever perfume that she was wearing. I guess she wasn’t made up; she actually had turned out to be more impressive than what I had originally considered when making the trip over here. Maybe I’d actually made a good choice this time. My anxiety did seem to subside. She held me for what seemed like an eternity, and finally she let go, kind of giving me a quizzical look. 

“Uh, Chase? Did something happen?” she noticed, looking down at my pants. 

Shit. She must have felt it through her leggings. I didn’t think it was that bad. 

“Oh, um, yeah, I had a water bottle on the flight over and I was being clumsy and well, we hit turbulence landing, and it wound up landing all over my pants,” I kind of stammered. I guess it sounded alright, but it wasn’t the most convincing. 

“Those things happen, you really got to watch out for that turbulence!” Beth chuckled. She sounded like Alanna giving me a hard time.

“Yeah, I tend to not be the most coordinated person at times, it seems like that kind of stuff just has a tendency to follow me around.” I tried to sound convincing again. 

“Those things happen hon, don’t worry about it, do you have something dry you can change into?” Beth asked.

“They’re in my suitcase, I’m just waiting for it to come around,” I told her. 

Beth seemed to buy it, at least I hoped she did. There was the issue with the bed wetting that I’d probably need to figure out, but for now, I just wanted to live in the moment, or something like that. 

We went over and stood by the baggage claim, and after a short bit of time, which seemed like an eternity, my bag finally came around the corner. I went and grabbed it. 

“I hope you don’t mind, I have a bit of a wardrobe change to do!” I mentioned, almost laughing. .
“Do what you need to do, I’ll be here,” Beth chuckled back. 

I walked through the room, my suitcase rolling behind. No one gave me any funny looks; if they did, I didn’t notice, but I had a case of tunnel vision, so maybe they did. I didn’t think so, though, and even if they did, it was what it was. I finally got into the bathroom, found a spacious stall, opened up my bag, and changed my pants. I put new underwear on, a new pair of jeans, and wrapped the other two up and put them into a Target bag I’d been planning on putting my used clothes into, it made them easier to organize to wash that way. 

Emerging back from the bathroom, I found Beth standing again near the arrival/departure screens near one of the doors. 

“Finished? You look stylin’,” Beth remarked. 

“Uh, thanks, I guess?” I stumbled. 

I was never the best with actually making conversation, even though like I’d said, Beth and I had talked for quite a long time leading up to this point. Maybe it was just the awkwardness of actually meeting in person. I was determined to warm this all up, though. I didn’t want it to be awkward for long. 

We walked out and into the parking garage, winding around before finally finding Beth’s car. It was a nice one; I think it was a BMW X5. I’d never known someone to have something so nice, much less being able to be riding in one. I felt like a visiting dignitary. Beth opened the back door of the car, and I put my bag in. I went around to the passenger front seat and got in. The seats were nice; they seemed to be leather and it looked like they could be heated or cooled. Not bad for a car, I thought. 

“If you don’t mind, on the way back, I’ll take you and drive you around a bit to show you your new city,” Beth told me, looking over at me.  

“Absolutely! Sounds great to me!” I cheerfully replied. 

We began to drive. From the time we left the airport, I felt more and more overwhelmed. Not at the fact that I was in a woman’s SUV whom I’d made an internet connection with; no, the real overwhelming thing was the sheer size of where Beth lived. There were cars everywhere, and it felt like there wasn’t an inch where you could actually move freely, let alone breathe. I was glad that I wasn’t the one driving.  

We wound up north of the airport on the 101 Freeway; it seemed like there were more cars on this stretch of road than I’d seen in the entirety of my short life on the planet. It was definitely an eye-opening moment.  

The only thing about San Francisco that I knew about (besides Beth  mentioning a few places she’d gone around to during our conversations) was from what I’d seen on TV, the sign from NFL Quarterback Club and basically “Full House”. I think I may have deluded myself into thinking that there was going to be an endless green grassy field filled with identical boxy bay-windowed houses peeking over it. I probably was setting myself up for disappointment; that generally was the case. I had similar thoughts in Honolulu, too, I guess, and thought that turned out well. I pictured it being a giant beach filled with palm trees and hula dancers, but it was far much more than that, and for that, I was extremely grateful.  

San Francisco was no different. The skyline was awe-inspring. Beth took an exit off of the freeway and we entered into an area that I’d almost describe as a giant concrete canyon. It wasn’t a bad thing, either; there were a lot of the buildings that just seemed to stretch up towards the sky. I think I may have crunched up my neck from trying to look up at the seemingly-endless stretches of glass panes rising as high as the heavenly blue skies overhead.  

We drove all over the place; we saw the TransAmerica Pyramid, the Ferry Building, Chinatown, and everything in-between. We wound around by the newish baseball stadium that had been built a few years earlier. Beth was a big baseball fan, and promised that we’d be able to take in a few games there, as she got tickets from her company. I’d never been to a game before, so it was definitely something that I thought that I’d really be excited about going to. The Giants had been my favorite team forever, plus I’d get to see Barry Bonds play in person. This trip would be worth it for that alone. 

“Hon, are you hungry at all? I’m sure you haven’t had a whole lot, seeing as you’ve been flying all day, and airplane food is the pits, so you can pick something out to eat, I won’t mind,” Beth said with a wink.  

Airplane food had never really appealed to me, and that Subway I’d had was really far off. It was my first “real” meal in a while, so I figured I’d take Beth up on her offer; it was really nice of her to do so, after all.  

“That sounds great, Beth, I’m really hungry” 

“Oh I thought so. what would you like?” 

Honestly, it took me a bit aback. I’d rarely, if ever, been asked to choose a place to eat. I had a lot of different foods that I liked, but I was almost always tagging along and usually got stuck going to places that everyone else wanted. This, as a result, was actually really nice on Beth’s part. She could have drilled me into something she thought I needed, or what she wanted, but she really wanted to make me a part of things, I supposed.  

“Mexican food? Aren’t there supposed to be lots of good Mexican restaurants out here I’m told?” 

“Oh hon, you have no idea. There’s a great place on every corner…I’ll take you to one of my favorites; and…please, get whatever you want.  

I’ll be honest, I’d grown up in an area derived of what one would consider “passing” Mexican food, much less the “good stuff”, so I was really excited to be able to try something authentic for once.  

We drove around an endless sea of mid-rise buildings until we finally stopped where Beth was looking for; it had a big sign called “LA CORNETA” on the front of it. There was no place to park, but they had valet parking on the front of it. Beth got out and gave money to the valet. I looked over, following her lead, and jumped out of the car, standing out on the sidewalk.  

This neighborhood seemed to have some soul to it, and it really felt like I’d made a great connection with Beth. In many ways, it made me feel like I…belonged? Was part of something? In any case, it gave me some butterflies and feelings of warmth and happiness that had been otherwise lacking inside of me for quite a long time prior, even with my previous runarounds with Alanna.  

Beth walked by, and I followed her inside. The restaurant had an exceptionally bright interior; it was full of yellow with a bunch of, what I thought, very neat artwork of plants, animals, and a few people mixed in. I always liked to think of myself as a bit cultured, and I always appreciated artwork, no matter the medium that it found itself in. This was no different.  

The menu at this place? It was outstanding. There were so many options to choose from. Tacos, burritos, fajitas, shrimp cocktail, and many others. If there was something that you’d think would be in there, it was there. I had so many potential decisions to make, but I knew I could only make one.  

“So Chase, what are you going to have?” Beth asked, interrupting my thoughts, “make it count!”

I was never great at making decisions, and really, if there had been an Olympic sport of procrastination, I’d have been up near the top of the list for gold-winning participants. I overthought everything, or would get anxiety thinking about contingencies that were never likely to happen, and it really paralyzed me. This, picking food, was no different. 

“Burrito I guess, I’ll get a Veggie Burrito, Beth, that sounds amazing.” I finally decided to put one thing out there. The lady working at the counter looked a little taken aback at me using the term Beth to refer to Beth, but again, I wasn’t sure that I actually cared.  

“Veggie Burrito it is,” Beth said to the woman working, before turning to me to ask, “Do you want something to drink, too?”

I’d had a hankering for a Coke or something similar, and I saw something that piqued my interest. In the cooler by the counter, there were rows of glass-bottled Coca-Cola. 

“That right there,” I stated, pointing to the cooler, “I’ll have one of those Cokes.” 

The lady nodded, walking back to grab one, handing it to Beth, and then gave us some chips and salsa. Beth motioned me to follow and led me back to a booth in the back, other stuff carrying along in her other hand. I was happy she was really being accommodating, something she seemed more than happy to do.  

We got to the booth, and I sat across from Beth. She handed me a straw to put in my glass bottle, and I  start sipping on it. In the meantime, she got up and walked to the salsa bar, grabbing some for herself, and (hopefully) me. 

Beth sat back down, putting a few of the salsa containers in front of me.  

“Here, have some chips, you’ll really like them, they’re some of my absolute favorites!” 

I dug in; they had an intense saltiness that I cannot describe, and the taste of the salsa was just so delectable. I’d never had anything that had tasted like it before, the spices were just dancing on my tongue.  

We finished the chips and spent the better part of waiting for our regular food just making small talk. Beth was telling me about some of the activities around the area, and told me about the zoo and the two main aquariums, and all of the art galleries in town that she was going to be taking me to visit in the near future. As she sat there and talked, I sat there and stared. I couldn’t believe that someone so beautiful was happy having *me* around. Me. The anti-social ruralite who’d gone on an adventure to escape the boredom of everyday life, and wound up finding an even bigger adventure along that road. I never thought of myself as that special, but it seemed like Beth did.  

Finally, the food got there. It was the biggest burrito I’d ever seen, it seemed bigger than my head! I was so used to stuff from Taco Bell, I had no idea that burritos came in sizes this big. I think my eyes were as big as saucers.  

“I’d say that you’ve never seen anything like that before!” Beth chuckled. 

“No, no, not in a long time,” I laughed back. 

 “I really hope you enjoy it, I love this place,” Beth mentioned. 

I dug into the food, it was amazing. The flavors all played a nice song on my tastebuds. It was really the right way to end the trip through this beautiful city. 

We talked the whole time just about random things, some about the new job, some about the city, and some about the Giants’ ongoing season. It was incredibly pleasant, and I have to say, I’d never really talked much with someone that much older than me, who I really felt  *got* me, if that makes sense. After a bit of time, we finally started winding things down. I went and got some more chips and salsa; I’d never had anything so good before in my life. Finally, Beth mentioned that we’d better be heading out to go check out the rest of the area and finally head back to her house. Sounded good to me. 

I followed after Beth as we went through the dining room of the restaurant and out onto the street. She handed the valet her ticket and pretty soon, he was back with the car. Beth opened up my door as she went around. I got in and buckled my seatbelt, ready for whatever awaited; I couldn’t wait to see some more of the area around.

“I live across the Bay in San Rafael, so it’ll be a little bit, I hope you don’t mind,” Beth informed me.

“Not a problem at all Beth,” I told her.  

As I stared out across the city, and gazed over the Bay, my eyes seemed to get a lot heavier. The day had worn me out, and I’d just gone through a long day. I was overwhelmed, but in a good way; I felt like I’d won some lottery. We’d be to my new summer spot soon, I thought, beginning to doze off and having dreams of whatever there was that awaited me on the other side of the Bay. 

Looking back, it was one of the most fateful cat-naps of my entire life. 
 

[BabyGirlSJ]

V.

I was back on the beach again, flailing happily in the waves, my feet being caressed by boundless amounts of colorful fish, and a warm breeze flowing through my hair, the sun beating down on my face. It was another amazing time in the water, and…oh no… 

It had happened again. This time, I had a lot of explaining to do. I’d gone and peed on Beth’s seat in my sleep. Damn my tired eyes! What was I going to do?  

My eyes opened, and Beth was looking at me, we were driving on a freeway through a cityscape. “Look who decided to wake up finally,” she chuckled, “we’re almost home, I need to stop and get some gas, and then we’ll head over.” 

“Oh um, sounds good!” I stammered.  

I didn’t know what to do. I was dead to rights. If Beth had noticed, she didn’t mention anything, which, I guess I was grateful for at this juncture in the road.  

We meandered through a giant wall of traffic on one of the many freeways in the region, with seemingly endless amounts of cars floating through the landscape. The hills on the side of the freeway were beautiful though, glowing an almost electric green color that I’d never seen in the Continental US before.  

“The hills, they’re so green,” I told Beth. 

“Oh they’ll be like this for a few weeks, and then the brown will settle in again, it’s just a vicious cycle; a beautiful cycle, but definitely a vicious one,” she told me.  

I guess I’d be able to get to see the whole thing in its glory. Soon enough, we took an exit from an off-ramp and headed underneath. We pulled into a Chevron station and Beth stopped at one of the pumps.  

“Go in and get something to drink if you want, maybe stretch your legs; I need to go in and give them my money,” she motioned towards the station.  

“I’d rather stay in here, if that’s all the better with you,” I retorted.  

“Nonsense, just go in. It’s my treat,” Beth added.  

She was very insistent that I go in to the station with her. Rather than sit here and argue with my new friend, I decided I’d rather just comply and go in. As I got up, I looked down; the leather seat had clear moisture marks on it. Beth apparently noticed it to. She probably had noticed my wet jeans, come to think of it.  

“Uh, Chase, what is that?” Beth quizzed me. 

“What is what?” I acted incredulous.  

“My seats, they look like they’re wet,” she added, “Your pants, they’re a little…dark, too, did you have an…accident?” 

My face turned as red as the bottom part of the Chevron logo.  

“Uh, yeah, I guess I did,” I sheepishly replied. 

“That wasn’t water bottle accident earlier, was it?” Beth asked.  

Shit, she was sharp, I guess it was a lawyer thing. She had me dead to rights.  

“No, it wasn’t,” I softly spoke. Tears started forming in my eyes.  

I broke down. I tearfully told her everything that had been going on the last few months, and told her that I just really didn’t know WHAT was happening to me, and everything else. I repeatedly apologized for lying to her about my pants at the airport, but I told her I just couldn’t tell her, that I didn’t want her to think of me as a freak, and I worried she’d have them rescind my offer for the internship because of it. I really hoped that she wouldn’t come unglued because of the lying, and thankfully, she didn’t. In fact, she did completely the opposite.  

“Hon, it’s ok, it’s really ok. You could have told me, and I wouldn’t have cared. Let’s schedule you a doctor’s appointment at UCSF and we’ll go from there,” Beth told me.  

Sounded good I guess. But I’d already been to a bunch.  

“I’ve already been to a bunch, but they haven’t found anything wrong,” I told her. 

“UCSF has a world-class hospital, hon, if they can’t figure it out, no one can,” Beth confidently told me, then added “Besides, it may just all be stress, you’re in a new place, you were taking a lot of tough classes, and stuff like that; I promise I’ll do everything that I can to make sure that it’s a lot less stressful for you here, you might really enjoy it!” 

That sounded good I guess. “Thanks Beth, I really appreciate it.” 

“Of course. What kind of monster would I be if I threw you out in the cold? You’ll really like it here, I’ll see to it,” Beth smiled. 

She finished her thought, “What would you like to drink? Go ahead and wait in here, and I’ll grab it for you.” 

“Cream Soda, please?” I asked.  

“Cream soda it is!” Beth noddingly said. She went into the store, leaving me alone with only my thoughts.  

I found myself in an even stranger place than where I’d been when I’d arrived here. Here I sat, wet pants and all, wondering what I was going to do. All I could think of was Alanna saying, “…you’ll just need to be back in pull-ups like my potty training cousin” over and over. I really hoped not; I didn’t need a thing like that. I was a functioning adult, who may have had an issue here or there, but I’d find my way out of this, just like everything else I’d found my way out of over the course of my life. I didn’t need pull-ups, or anything like that, that’s for sure. I knew I could figure my way out of this, I just needed more time. 

Beth finally re-emerged from the store with a few loose containers of drinks, and handed me one when she got back in. She handed it to me, and I cracked open the bottle, taking a few drinks of it.  

“Needed to reload your liquids after your little discharge there?” she laughingly asked.  

I turned red. “I just like the taste,” I replied. 

“Oh hon, I was just joking, I won’t do it again, I didn’t mean to embarrass you, I’m sorry,” she said. 

Before we went back to her house, she drove me around the town a bit. We saw the downtown by 4^thStreet, she showed me some of her favorite spots she liked to go to when she wasn’t working, like art galleries and the like. She took me to show me the Marin Civic Center, which she told me had been designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, who happened to be one of my favorite architects (I was a unique individual). She also showed me the Northgate Mall, which she told me had a ton of great stores in it. If it was anything at all like the Ala Moana, I was sure I would have no shortage of fun wandering around a place like it.  

Finally, after driving around, we headed out to her house. It sat in the hills, surrounded by trees, and there was a steep driveway to the base of her house. I’d never seen a house that nice before.  It was a mid-century modern home built on a hillside and surrounded by medium height redwood trees. There were several decks off the side and a hot tub on the lowest deck. The middle of the house was several stories high and, from the looks of it, was quite atrium-like. There were plants growing around the deck, which set off my plant-nerd tendencies. There were philodendrons, a few passion flower plants, and several pots of sedum. Towards the back setting off into what appeared to be a back yard, complete with an idyllic swimming pool surrounded by large plants, there also was a pomegranate tree. The house looked like something from an HGTV model home; apparently being an attorney made you a lot of money. Beth certainly had done well for herself, I was very impressed. Maybe I could strive for something like this.  

Beth parked the car, and I opened the door and got outside. The air smelled so clean outside; it had a crisp smell that kind of resembled Pine-Sol, but in a nice, non-abrasive way. It was just so beautiful; up until the last school year, I’d never really experienced any sort of form of anything that resembled this. I was used to dusty skies, mobile homes, and desolate hills; I hadn’t prepared myself for something resembling this sort of beauty. It was amazing, just absolutely awe-inducing and amazing.  I’d never seen a setting so beautiful; I was hooked on this place. I figured that I had made a good decision.  

I followed Beth up the steps of the front of the house, before finally getting to the entrance to the house. It was truly palatial, and I couldn’t wait to see what awaited inside. Beth opened the door and motioned me inside.  

“I’ll give you a tour of this place,” she told me.  

The main floor was filled with various exotic statues, paintings, and various other decorations. Beth seemed like she must have been an extensive world traveler, and must have really taken an interest in each place that she’d gone to. As someone who was really interested in art myself, I took a particular interest in it; it’s something that I’d always hoped to do at some point, to go to a bunch of far off places that I’d only so far read about in books.  

Next, we took a walk through the kitchen, which looked like something a professional chef would have set up at their house. The countertops meshed so well with the flooring inside of the kitchen; Beth definitely had some great taste. Like I said, it was something you’d see on a high-end home remodel show. My kitchen back home had faded carpet throughout it, this had beautiful dark wood that played a beautiful medley with the cabinets and countertops and backsplashes.  

After showing me through the picturesque kitchen, Beth took me to a room off the back of the it, which is what I assumed to be the living room. The room was enormous and had a baby grand piano on one side, and a giant couch on the other side, facing a built-in fireplace with a set of giant windows opening up a great view onto the trees behind the house. I assumed that it probably made for good wildlife viewing, to be sure.  We walked through the rest of the main floor and Mommy showed me her office, Samantha’s room the laundry room, the bathrooms and down through the basement, which was set up as a home theatre setup, with various exotic trinkets from various places that I probably hadn’t heard of. 

“Now let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you where you’ll be staying,” Beth directed me upstairs.  

I have to say, I was a little excited. If the room was anything like the rest of Beth’s house, I was going to have a great place to settle down this summer. We walked up two flights of stairs before finally getting to the top. At the top of the stairs, Beth’s room was off to one side. I didn’t go in, because, well, there was no real reason for me to. There was also a catwalk with a telescope sitting on it. I’d always been interested in astronomy, and space greatly interested me, so I was giddy to see something like that.  

“That telescope, can we use it sometime?” I asked Beth.  

“Oh absolutely hon, I love looking at the stars, do you?” Beth replied.  

“I do, but I have no idea where to find the constellations, or anything like that,” I said, almost remorsefully.  

“Well, I’m a bit of a ‘nerd’ on that, so I’ll be able to show you a bunch of them, we can even take a trip to the Planetarium over in Golden Gate Park sometime,” Beth added.  

“That sounds…amazing!” I told Beth. 

Beth chuckled, “Let’s go see your room, I think you’ll like the space in there.” 

We walked around a corner, and there was a bathroom, and at the end of a small hallway, was where I was going to be staying at. I opened the door with great anticipation, and I found a room colored in…pastel pink.  

The look on my face must have relayed my thoughts. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the color pink, I really, kind of secretly did, but I really wasn’t expecting it; it was so out of character with the rest of the house.  

“Is it the pink walls? This used to be Samantha’s room when she was younger, and I guess I never got around to changing the décor much in here, it’s always been a reminder of how cute she was at that age…I hope you don’t mind,” Beth told me. 

“No, no, it’s really great, I like the furniture in here though, it’s really a nice space!” I added, feigning what little excitement that I could.  

“Well I’m glad you like it, if we get around to it, maybe we can re-paint the walls in here, something to look forward to,” Beth told me.  

“Sounds good to me,” I told her.  

We went back downstairs, I got my stuff and set it up in my new room, and then Beth and I and spent the rest of the afternoon sitting outside by the pool and talking. It was pretty low-key, and really, it was pretty entertaining. Beth was extremely intelligent, well-read, and well-traveled. I marveled listening to her stories about travels to other countries and the various cultures that she experienced while she was there. She took me around the wooded grounds by her house, and we talked about our shared experiences with being plant-lovers, and the like. It was a very good experience.  

That night, she ordered us pizza from a place called Gaspare’s, and to say that it was fantastic was an understatement. The pizza was hot and melted in my mouth; I’d never had anything this good before. I felt like my previous life as a ruralite was just that, a lifetime ago. I really felt like I was the guest of some royal family somewhere; it felt like I hit the jackpot somewhere. On top of the great pizza, I got to have even more of the juice from Beth’s company; it might have been some of the sweetest tasting stuff that I’d ever had. Beth shared in my indulgence with the pizza, but not the juice, telling me she’d had enough of it over the years, and it was all for me. Considering where I was the previous summer, and where I’d wound up over the school year and this subsequent summer, it really felt like I was in a really great place. We went outside and sat on the deck, taking in the cool air and the beautiful scenery and lights of the city in the background. It was very picturesque.  

Finally, the clock ran around to getting pretty late; I think it was around 11pm when Beth finally turned over to me while we were out on the chairs.  

“I’m going to turn in for the night; you’re free to stay out here as long as you want, if you want to use the computer, you can use that too, just act like this place is yours,” she told me, before adding, “it may not be my place, but, you might want to try and go potty before you go to bed tonight, just in case.” 

“Ok, sounds good,” I told her.  

Her juvenile use of the term “potty” particularly struck me; I wasn’t a baby, she could have called it a toilet, or even told me to go to the bathroom. Still, I figured, I had just peed in her car and in my pants on the flight over. Maybe she wasn’t too far off-base. Interrupting those thoughts, I told myself I was still an adult, and was just going through a rough patch. Now that the stress of finals and being in a new place was over, maybe I could actually get a hold of this thing.  

I stayed outside for a little bit, and then went and logged on to the computer. I saw that Alanna was on AOL IM, and so I talked to her and told her about my first day over here. I neglected to tell her about my two accidents, as I really didn’t feel like any razzing from her at this point. The night had been going too well to spoil it with any commentary from the peanut gallery on the islands. All in all, it was a really pleasant conversation. Lana was a great friend, and I always felt lucky that we’d met each other when we did. She was definitely someone to lean on, and always seemed to be there when I needed her.  After we’d talked for a bit, my eyes were getting tired, and I decided to go to sleep.  

I walked upstairs, took a shower, and just to make sure, I decided I’d pee before I got into bed. Not a lot came out, but enough did that I thought maybe I wouldn’t actually have an accident tonight. Between the peeing before bed and the now lifting of a stress bubble on me, I thought maybe I’d actually be able to beat the whole issue that I’d been dealing with. I was deluding myself, of course. I had tried basically anything and everything to stop the problem, but there wasn’t a single thing that worked for it. In any case, I moved the blanket, snuggled under the plush comforter, and closed my eyes. For the first time in a long time, I felt relieved and relaxed, and hoped that I wouldn’t awaken with any unpleasant surprises.  

Just like I’d been having regularly, I once again had another dream where I was in the beach, imbibing in the warm sun, only this time, I was snorkeling underneath the ocean waves. There was kelp, there were fish, and the water was…warm….shit, not again. This couldn’t be happening, not here, not in a new place, not in my own place, not in a place without a protective sheet, oh no. I jolted myself awake. My worst suspicions were confirmed; it had, indeed happened again. I had wet my bed. I didn’t have the luxury of being in my own student apartment now, though. I was at someone else’s house.  

This wasn’t good.  

I looked over at the clock in the room, it read 6:30. There weren’t any lights on under my door, so I figured if I were smart, I could go, toss my wet clothes and the sheets in the washing machine downstairs, and still make it up. If I was clever enough, I could pass it off as “wanting to do my laundry” or something. Beth would believe that, right? 

I stripped the bed, changed my clothes, put on some sweatpants and a new shirt, and headed downstairs with my armful of wet laundry. I hoped that I wouldn’t make any noise;  I really wanted to avoid an awkward encounter at this juncture in the road. I slunk down the stairs, trying to avoid any creaking noises. I thought I’d done a great job at it, until I stepped on the last one. My foot slipped, and I wound up crashing to the floor. Completely stunned, yet somewhat spooked, I flipped around to look upstairs; no lights had turned on. I must have been in the clear. Regaining my composure, I stood back up and walked to the laundry room in order to deposit my dirty sheets. I opened the washer, and put everything in, and then clanged the door (perhaps a little too loud) and hit the button. Just as I was turning around to walk out, I realized I wasn’t alone in the room. There was a silhouette. Shit. It was Beth.  

“Uh hon, why are you up so early? Have you been to sleep at all?” She asked me.  

“Oh yeah, I guess I’m just keeping early hours, and wanted to get some laundry done,” I sheepishly told her.  

“Is that why your bed is stripped upstairs? You left your light on, and I saw that it was down to the mattress…with a wet spot,” she told me.  

I’d been had. I turned dark red.  

“I um, had another, um, accident,” I told her.  

“Did you go potty like I advised?” she asked me, sounding a bit annoyed.  

“Yeah, right after my shower, and *literally* right before bed,” I assured her.  

“Hmmm. Well, that’s not good, is it?” she spoke. 

“No, it’s not,”I blushed.  

Beth sighed, “Well, if this continues, we’re going to have to do something about it I guess.” 

I had no idea what she meant by that, but I didn’t think it sounded good. It sounded rather ominous. All the while, Alanna’s words, “you’ll be in pull-ups like my potty training cousin” kept going round and round in my head. I really hoped that Beth would let me sort out my own affairs, as I didn’t really want to make this a bigger deal than it already was.  

“Well, I’m going to go back to sleep, feel free to make yourself at home, use the computer, or anything else, even go back to sleep if you want,” Beth told me before departing upstairs.  

I could have gone back to sleep, but to be honest, I was more scared to do so than anything else. I couldn’t have another pee accident; it seemed like Beth had a spider sense about her that she knew these things; maybe it was her being a parent, I didn’t know. I decided to stay up and just looked over stuff on the Internet. I looked up things to do in San Francisco, things to do in the area, and the like. There was a park called Olompali nearby that seemed like it’d be a great place to go hiking. I decided I’d go out there for the day and would go hiking around, and try some photography. I left a note for Beth, found a bus, and headed up there for the day. It’d be great to spend in the outdoors.  

I spent the entirety of the day out there hiking around, and taking pictures with the camera I’d brought. The area was full of live oak trees and was full of beauty, and I found the whole thing to be really appealing. I probably walked longer that day than I had in the last 6 months, going from one hillside to another across an entire host of trails. It was great to get the exercise, and it was very invigorating to be back outside. As I moved through the hills and into the late afternoon, I decided it was a good time to go back to Beth’s. I got back on the bus, and headed back into San Rafael. I made it back towards the early evening, and caught a taxi back up to Beth’s house. She was waiting there for me when I arrived.  

“How was your hike outside today? Did you have fun?” she asked. The awkwardness from earlier seemed to have evaporated. Maybe it was good that I didn’t stick around today.  

“It was great!” I told her, and filled her in on the rest of my day, showed her my pictures I’d taken. 

“I’m so glad you could take advantage of the beauty around here! I had work today, so I’m exhausted,” she told me, “do you want to go get dinner somewhere?” 

“Sure!” I told her.  

“I’ll take you up north of here, there’s a great Thai place that’s really unique that I think you’d like,” she told me.  

“Can I take a shower before we go?” I asked her. 

“Of course!” 

I went up to my room, took a shower, and got into some nicer clothes than the plain t-shirt and shorts that I’d take up to the park. We got in the car and drove up to Santa Rosa. It was a nice town, seemed a little bit like a less hilly, less pretty San Rafael, and we headed to what you’d probably consider to be “downtown” there. We parked down there and went into a building with a giant staircase inside. There was a sign that said “Thai House” that hung on the door.  

We walked inside a door that opened into a spacious room. There was a lack of tables, and I looked around quizzically.  

“You sit on the floor to eat in here,” Beth told me, “I told you it’s unique!” 

Unique it definitely was. We had a great meal, I tried their red curry and I entertained Beth with more stories of hiking through the day. It was a great time. We finished and headed back down to San Rafael, with Beth pointing out different things along the way. I was really happy she’d decided to take me up there.  

We sat outside her fire pit after we got home, and she was pointing out some of the stars that you could make out, despite the best efforts of the surrounding lights. It was an enjoyable evening, almost majestic. Finally, she turned to me, telling me that she was going to bed, and that I probably should turn in to. I was pretty tired owing to my early morning and my long hike, so it was a very reasonable request.  

As we walked up the stairs, instead of turning towards her room, she walked to my room, before finally turning to me.  

 

“Hon, we need to talk.” 

[BabyGirlSJ]

VI. 

“Hon, we need to talk.” 

I shuddered at that sentence; my mind ran with endless possibilities as to what the ramifications of that exact sentiment would be. I had a feeling I knew what this about, but in reality, I wasn’t ready to confront it. It’d been lingering for a decent amount of time now, and though I knew a day of reckoning was likely to eventually come, I wasn’t ready for it to come at just this minute. In many ways, I thought it’d simply disappear and I’d just chalk it up to one more of the many strange experiences in my life. At this time, I had no idea how strange or the twists and turns my life would soon take, changing quite drastically, and probably for the better. At this time though, it was a bit of a shocking experience.  

“OK,” was all I could muster. I blushed a little; I think that I’d blushed more in these last few days than I had in the last ten years.  

“Look, it’s probably none of my business, well, now it actually is, but what do you think we should do about your accidents you’ve been having?” Beth asked me, getting right to the point.  

“Well, I…um…” all I could do was stammer. 

“Here’s what I’m going to propose, and you may not like it, but it seems like the only logical solution at this point…have you thought of wearing, protection, at night?” Beth asked.  

“I can’t do that, that’s kid stuff,” I told her.  

“Well, there seems to be only one person here who has peed on my seats, and peed on my sheets, “ Beth interrupted, “It’s not ‘kid’s stuff’ if you’re being responsible, and well, wearing protection would seem to be responsible,” she finished.  

I began to object, but she interrupted, “So I’ve gone ahead and gone to the store today while you were out, and I’ve bought you something for when you’re sleeping. It works out well for both of us; you won’t have to worry about waking up wet, and I won’t have to worry about getting woken up at 6 AM hearing you clang around the washing machine, I think that’s great, don’t you?” 

All I could do was nod. She was right, something did need to give, and even with the mattress protection back home, it still created a lot of work.  

“Now don’t think of this as permanent, hon, if you stop, then you don’t have to do this anymore, doesn’t that sound good?” 

“Sure, I guess,” I muttered. 

“You’ll be thanking me when you aren’t having to run to the washing machine or waking up in a cold puddle of pee, now all you’ll have to do is just take off your stuff in the morning, toss it, and go on with the day, it should be really easy,” Beth told me, “I’ve gone ahead and gotten you something to throw them into, too, it’s over there,” she pointed in the corner.  

It looked like a….diaper genie, or at least that’s what I thought it was. Great. I move for a summer across the ocean, and all I have to show for it is a new bag of diapers and a diaper genie. Some adult I was. What was I going to do? I guess I had to comply with it.  

“I’ve gone ahead and put them in a drawer for you to use, just use them before you go to bed, it’s been a long day for you, so maybe you should get some rest, I’m going to take you over to get your paperwork and everything done tomorrow, so it’s a big day, take a shower and get some sleep,” Beth told me.  

“I am tired, so I think you’re right,” I told Beth, trying to muster a little bit of a nervous laugh, “I’m sorry to have put you through this, and well…thanks for the protection.” 

“Oh of course Hon, I think it’ll work out for you, you’ll see,” she told me, sounding rather ominous. 

“I’m going downstairs, let me know if you need anything, if not, I’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well kiddo,” she told me.  

Kiddo? What was this all coming to? 

I went and took a shower, and just stood there, pondering where everything had gone horribly wrong. What was happening? I had never peed my bed before I’d gone out to college, and here I was, back in pull-ups at a stranger’s house. What was I going to do? I guess Alanna was right, maybe she could give me the lottery numbers next. As the water poured down my neck, all I could do was contemplate what was going to happen next.  

I hopped out of the shower, dried myself off, wrapped the towel around me, and walked into my room. It felt like I was taking a final walk down death row, for some reason. It felt like the death of something, but I wasn’t sure what. My independence? My control? Maybe a mix of the above? In any case, it was a strange feeling that overtook me at that instant. Crossing into my room, a previously innocuous experience, now felt like I was transporting myself across a vortex to a new venture in time and space. It was a bit ridiculous, I know, as there wasn’t much that had changed, except my expected underwear at night. Still, I’d be remiss if I said that the whole thing didn’t worry me a bit.  

I walked over to the dresser, opening up the top drawer, and it greeted me. There were three neat stacks of white pull-ups staring right back at me, with a container of Huggies baby wipes sitting next to them. I guess those were to…clean with in the morning? I didn’t know, and though I really didn’t want to find out, I’m sure Beth would explain their presence to me sooner or later. I was just glad that I could be fairly discreet about all of this stuff. I pulled one out and popped the sides out. It seemed fairly innocent. I sat on the bed, put my feet through the leg holes, and pulled it up my legs. After the shower, my legs were still a little wet, and though there was a little resistance to getting the garment up, it finally firmly planted itself around my waist, securing everything in its plastic shell.  

It really was a strange sensation. I hadn’t worn anything like this since I was probably, 2 and a half? Even though you could obviously tell it was there from wearing it, it wasn’t too bulky as to affect my walking or anything else. It honestly wasn’t that bad, and if it didn’t really represent my status falling in reverse, I probably would have enjoyed the feeling more. After I slipped it on, I put a t-shirt and shorts on over it, and climbed under the blanket on my bed. I probably spent an inordinate amount of time that night touching the sides, gliding my hand across the back, and over the front. It wasn’t anything sexual to me, but it was a new sensation that I was more or less fairly curious about. After a bit of time, I finally fell asleep and drifted off into the realm of the dream world.  

It was really just a blankness of darkness that night. There were no dreams, I must have been feeling super relaxed in my suddenly-changed situation.  Light pouring in the next day woke me up from my relaxed state. Nothing felt wet, not the sheets, not the blanket, not the…pull-up! It wasn’t even wet. Maybe this whole thing was just a long, drawn-out bad dream that had whittled its way into my reality. Maybe I’d reached the pinnacle, and maybe I wouldn’t need these things! I couldn’t wait to tell Beth.  

I slipped off my pull-up and put it into the diaper genie in the side of the corner. It was dry, but I didn’t want to remind myself of what I was currently needing to wear to bed, so I figured I’d put it as far out of place and mind that I possibly could, which meant sentencing it to a dark spot in the bottom of my diaper genie in the corner. I didn’t think I’d be needing this stuff much more anyway if the rest of the mornings were like this one. I put on some new clothes and hurridly ran downstairs; today was going to be a great day for several reasons; I got to see my new internship, maybe see more of San Francisco and I also got to be proud of my sleeping situation and tell Beth all about it.  

I walked downstairs towards the main part of the floor; there was a delectable smell that was coming out of the kitchen. I figured that Beth must have been making breakfast this morning. As I walked into that part of the house, my suspicions were confirmed. Beth was standing at the front of the stove with a few pans going at once. She must have seen me out of the corner of her eye and looked over at me. 

“Well good morning there, how did you sleep?” She asked.  

“Really good actually, but guess what? I wasn’t wet!” I told her, rather excitedly.  

“Well that’s great news hon, maybe this will all just be a passing phase, but I want you to keep wearing your protection for at least a week, just to make sure that we’re out of the woods, is that ok with you?” She asked, rather matter-of-factly.  

“Um…sure. I can do that,” I told her. It was true, she had opened her house to me, so not ruining her bed or anything was probably the least I could do. 

“Now hon, I’m making breakfast, do you want an omelet?” She asked, putting a spatula in the air in a sort of questioning motion.  

“Yeah, that sounds great, make it however you’re making yours, it smells absolutely delicious,” I told her.  

“Sounds good. I’ve got you some juice to go with it, take the glass and have a seat out in the dining room, and I’ll meet you there in just a second,” she told me.  

I went and sat down in the dining room. It was quite an impressive space. There were giant windows on probably two of the walls that stood at least two stories. It was almost an atrium-like space and had a number of plants, paintings, and other statues scattered throughout it. The floors were dark hardwood, and the table was a giant table that could be lengthened or shortened depending on the amounts of people there. I wondered if Beth liked to entertain at this house. Sitting at this table, I felt like I was some sort of visiting dignitary. Like most everything about the woman and her house, it was pretty impressive. At least, I was impressed. I’d never been around these sorts of things, and while this was a little overwhelming, I still thought that Beth’s house was about the coolest thing I’d ever seen in my life. I hoped that I could wind up having a house this cool when I was older and out of college.  

It wasn’t too much longer before Beth reappeared in the dining room with two plates and seemingly identical omelets. They both looked delectable, and I definitely couldn’t wait to eat them. She placed the plate in front of me, and then put hers at a place across the table. She went back into the kitchen, re-emerging with a coffee for her, and a glass of juice for me.  

“Hey, thanks so much Beth,” I told her before continuing, “the food looks great, and that juice is just amazing, what’s it made out of?” 

There was almost a twinkle in her eye. “Well, it’s just a lot of fresh fruit, and other natural stuff, I brought some home yesterday from work since I know how much you like it.” 

“Thanks so much!” Jesus. I sounded like a complete idiot. Why did I have to be so exuberant? It was just juice, after all.  

“Of course, I’m so glad you like it!”  

At least she was humoring me, I thought. The rest of the breakfast went really well. We kind of avoided the nighttime stuff, and just talked about things related to work, life, and goings-on in the area. It was a very pleasant conversation, and definitely a stark difference from the scene that took place in roughly the same area yesterday morning. I was grateful for it; I just had needed to heed Beth’s advice, and everything turned out well, I guess. We sat and talked a while after we had eaten; I got another glass of juice and drank it, and then helped Beth wash the dishes, it was the least I could do.  

“Well look, we’ve got a busy day ahead of us, we’re going to go head down to the office, so why don’t you go potty before we go, and meet me out at the car, sound good?” She asked.  

This was the second time she used the term “go potty” with me, and I really couldn’t figure out why she would treat me like an adult at most junctures, but like a little kid at the rest. I mean, I guess I was back to wearing pull-ups at night and had peed on several of her things at other points, so maybe she had a good…no…I needed to get things back together. I wasn’t a baby; I was just going through something.  

I wasn’t going to argue with Beth; she was too nice and had opened up her home to me, and was really treating me quite nicely. I went to the bathroom and found my way outside to her waiting in her car. I got in the passenger seat and we began to drive.  

“Now hon, my friend Megan is going to be your supervisor while you work. She’s been doing this a long time, and it’d be best to listen to everything she has to say. She’ll be reporting back to me on how you’re doing, and if you get out of line, you’re going to have some explaining to do when you get home, so, just be good, listen, take lots of notes, and you should be fine,” Beth informed me.  

Now I was officially nervous. I hoped that Megan wasn’t going to be too bad of a boss; I really wanted to learn from someone, but at the same time, I didn’t want to be driven into the ground as a simple intern, either. I’d hoped to get something out of this summer’s experience that I could bring back to my coursework in the Fall. I’d already registered for my Fall classes, and I’d hoped that a lot of this would make it more…relevant? My biggest problem with a few of my classes is that there wasn’t a real-world component to it all, and I’d hoped that this internship with a higher-up could actually jumpstart that feeling into something that was real and chock-full of relevance.  

We drove through the winding freeways and out across the Golden Gate Bridge and I got to really take in the serene views that took place off and around it. San Francisco sat in the background, its various points and lines standing beautifully as a backdrop to what was shaping up to be a gorgeous day on the coast. We headed downtown.  

The drive downtown was just awe-inspiring. It felt like going through a concrete canyon with trees made of concrete and glass; to say I was impressed would have been an understatement. The highlight of the drive was a jaunt by the TransAmerica Pyramid, which I’d only seen on postcards and only in the distance. There was a really cool park nearby that had the appearance of a relaxing setting nearby; there were fountains and other running water that seemed like it’d make the perfect place to kill a hard afternoon.  

As we slung through the intricate mazes of downtown, we finally hit a parking garage beneath a towering high-rise downtown. I assumed that this was where the company’s offices were at; after getting out and getting into a relatively faceless elevator, those assumptions were solidified when I saw the name for the company on the elevator. As the elevator climbed the structure, my anxiety set in. I had no idea what to expect; I thought it would go well, but at the same time, new things like this, especially with complete strangers, always led me to have a knot in my stomach. That I’d regressed a bit back at Beth’s only served to add fuel to that anxiety fire.  

The elevator finally opened up, revealing a glass entryway with the company’s logo on the background in well-lit, very impactful large lettering. Beneath that sign, sat a desk with a fairly attractive young woman, likely in her early-to-mid 20s, manning the desk. She looked up at Beth as we went in, her emotionless expression suddenly turning into a smile.  

“Beth! Hello! How are you today?” she asked.  

“Things are going good Rebecca, the new intern is here today, and I’m just showing him around and am going to get him situated, is Megan around?” Beth replied.

“She’s over in her office, I’ll call and let her know you’re here, she’s been waiting for you!” Rebecca replied.  

Before we left, Beth interrupted. “Oh Rebecca, I almost forgot, this is Chase, he’ll be around here this summer.”

I stuck my hand up in an awkward wave, and all I could do was say “Hi.” 

“Nice to meet you, Chase, I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other this summer, I hope you have a great time!” Rebecca told me.  

“Thanks, nice to meet you too!” I awkwardly sent behind me as I continued walking. I didn’t come across as the most smooth.  

Rebecca was very attractive; she had dark hair and light eyes, and a beautiful radiance that really reverberated from her smile. She seemed like she’d been a babysitter in another life; really carried that ambiance. I’d have to see if we could hang out at some point, or at least maybe make a new friend out of it. Maybe this wouldn’t be such an anxiety-inducing experience, after all.  

I found the whole office to be quite an aesthetically pleasing place. There was a fountain on the wall behind Rebecca’s desk,  with a cascade of water going down the wall. Watching the cascading water made me feel like I had to pee more than I probably did, but not wanting to rudely interrupt any meeting I was about to find myself in by announcing I needed to take a potty break. Potty break? Why was I suddenly thinking like that? It was a bathroom, not a potty. I needed to keep that in my mind.  

I snapped out of my thought process and continued concentrating on the office around me. It must have been a relatively new set up, at the very least, it was incredibly modern. There was a lot of glass and a lot of nice offices all around. We snaked through the floor, going through several sets of doors before we finally reached a set of main offices.  

My suspicions were confirmed. “Now this is Megan’s office, she’ll probably have you working a lot in here and all over the place, let’s go in,” Beth told me. So we went into the office.  

It was spacious, full of light, and reeked with power. Like Beth’s house, the office was full of statues, diplomas, and anything else. There was a light hue over everything; the back of the office was a giant window that looked forth over the other accompanying skyscrapers around the area.

Megan (or who I assumed was Megan) sat at her desk when we walked in. She wore a maroon blouse with a grey skirt. Her hair was dark brown and tied up in a bun, and she had incredibly striking eyes. She wore dark-framed glasses and looked like she could have been a librarian in a previous life.  

“Beth! You’ve brought our new intern!” she exclaimed. Whatever rigidity she initially projected melted off immediately with her somewhat happy, warm, and welcoming tone.

“Megan, this is Chase, he’s going to be here this summer,” Beth kind of nudged me forward.  

“Oh Chase, I’ve heard so much about you, Beth has raved about you to me so much!” Megan told me. 

“Nice to meet you too,” I told Megan, “Thanks again for hiring me!” was all I could muster. What was wrong with me? I liked to think of myself as a people person, but it always seemed like I was perennially awkward at encounters such as these. I figured I’d loosen up. 

Beth waved to us, “I’ll just let you two get acquainted, I have a bunch of stuff of my own to do,” and she left. I was all alone with the Titaness of the Juice World now.  

As Beth left, Megan began talking again, “Take a seat, let’s fill you in on what you’ll be doing this summer, I’m sure you’re probably curious.” 

I nodded, and she continued.  

“I was going to have you working with Brian, our head of marketing, but he’s been sent across the country for the rest of the month, so I’m going to have you working here as my assistant for the time being. I haven’t been able to find one of my likings and given Beth’s praise for you, it seems like a natural fit.”

I wondered what, if any experience I’d be getting now. I imagined a personal assistant to be something of a glorified secretary, and I think that was Rebecca’s job. 

“Does this mean I’ll just be answering phones all day?” I meekly asked.  

“Oh no, this means you’ll get to sit in on all of my important meetings, and yeah, you’ll probably be answering phones a lot but there’s a ton of great things you’ll get to have experience in too,” Megan reassured me.  

Sounded good I guess. I figured some experience was better than no experience, and who was I kidding? This wasn’t like I’d graduated at the top of my class from an Ivy League school and was doing this; I was just going after my first year, after all. I shouldn’t carry unrealistic expectations, though it was generally a fault of mine.  

“So let me take you over to your workspace,” Megan told me before chauffeuring me over to a nearby desk that was nearby her office.  It was a pretty modern desk with a nice leather rolling chair behind it; in many respects, it was pretty much a blank canvas.  

Megan continued, “Feel free to decorate it how you like, re-arrange things and put them in places where it’s going to be easiest for you to work during the day, I have no set standards.” 

Sounded good, I guess. There was a problem with the pressure building in my bladder, and I really didn’t want to interrupt this to run to the bathroom, I thought it’d be rather uncouth.  

“I’ve got some stuff for you to start organizing, do you know Microsoft Excel?” Megan asked me.  

“I do quite a bit, actually,” I told her. 

“Well good, I’ll be bringing over a company laptop and you can start putting things in. It should be a bit of trial and error, so be sure to bring over your progress to me and I’ll get you straightened out if you get lost. Sound good?” 

“Yeah, that works.” 

 She brought over a set of files, and I started to try and get my brain wrapped around them. There were quite a few, I’d have to figure out organizing them and then figuring out how to put them onto the Excel file I was going to start. I figured Megan would correct me if I did anything terribly outlandish, so I wasn’t too worried there. After a bit, I’d finally hit a groove and was moving steadily through the files when the pressure on my bladder finally hit a fever pitch and the floodgates opened.  

Oh no. It’d happened again, I’d peed my pants. Why hadn’t I just gone sooner? What was I going to do? 

[BabyGirlSJ]

VII. 

I sat at the desk, frozen, my thoughts moving a million miles a minute. I’d just started my new job, and here I had…peed my pants. What was I thinking? Why did I wait so long? I’d been having this issue for a while now, and instead of addressing it, I once again found myself on the wrong side of the potential outcome. I needed to figure a way out of this, but so far, I didn’t see any viable alternatives. 

Making things worse was the fact that I was wearing khakis at work this morning; the mess that I’d made on the front of my underwear had made quite a bit of visible evidence that would show to the world just what exactly I’d done. I took a glance around the room; there was a water cooler up in one of the corners, but I’d have to walk by several other people, and they’d know what I’d do. Maybe I could just sit here and hope that it dried out enough that I could feign an accident, or…

“Chase! How are things coming along?” Megan stood over me.

“Uh, I’m doing good, just being hard at work…” I tried to play it cool. 

 “Well that’s great, how do you feel about going and walking through downtown a bit for me? I need you to go get some stuff down the street for me for me.”

I sat there awkwardly. As if on cue, here I had made a mess of myself and here was my immediate supervisor, ready to have me go out and do something. It wasn’t her fault I’d peed my pants; that was all me. She’d done nothing wrong, and my ire at this point was only with my own fault. How should I respond? I couldn’t tell her no; this was my first day on the job, and well, I didn’t really want to create a bad impression. Of course, I had pee soaked khakis on too, and well, that probably wasn’t going to create much of a great impression either. I was in a bit of a pickle here. 

“Uh sure, yeah, I can do that,” I told her. I supposed I was lying a bit, but outside of my pants situation, I really could do what she was asking; I wasn’t an invalid, after all. 

“Well, you’ll need to go down to drop a deposit off at the bank down the street, I’ve put on all the account information that you’ll need to show the teller, just so they know you’re with us,” she told me, rather matter-of-factly. 

“Now why don’t you head on down there so you can get back to doing what you’re doing, if that’s alright with you.”

I just kind of sat there. I didn’t know what to do. 

“C’mon Chase, we haven’t got all day.”

I stood up, ultimately revealing the mess of my pants to Megan and anyone else around. 

“Oh my, what happened? Did you spill something?” Megan asked. 

There was no use in lying about it. There wasn’t a container of liquid anywhere to be found; I really couldn’t hide it. Damn being an intern!

“I peed my pants,” I mumbled, hoping that maybe she’d hear it, but I wasn’t too keen on announcing it to the rest of the office. 

“What happened? I didn’t hear you, I’m sorry,” Megan asked. 

“I WET MYSELF!” All I could do was be embarrassed and yell out. 

“How? The bathroom is just around the corner? Did you not know where it was?” Megan interrogated me with all of the charm of the Saddam’s secret police. 

“I’m sorry, it just kind of happened, I couldn’t get up in time!” I whined. Jesus, I really was losing composure here. 

“Well, look, there’s a store down the street, go buy yourself some new pants before you come back; I’d probably do it before you take the deposit over, too,” Megan instructed me. 

“You aren’t going to be able to get out of your duties today just because of a peed in pair of panties,” she added. 

Panties? What was this about? I decided not to fight it, but I figured I’d best be heading down that way. 

It was a true walk of shame. Some in the office had heard the commotion and had peaked their heads up to look. All I could do was head down and out, even past my new crush, Rebecca. I hoped, almost prayed to some deity, that she wouldn’t look up as I walked past. As I got within a clear view of her desk, I saw that she was distracted at her desk; finally! I was in the clear! 

As I got within feet of freedom to avoid the awkwardness that a conversation with Rebecca would encounter at this time, my beeline was interrupted by a voice. It was Beth’s. 

“CHASE! Wait up!” 

I stopped cold. I turned around to see Beth coming my way. How had she known? Was Megan that quick? Rebecca casually looked up to see what was going on.

“Megan told me that you had an accident?”

I nodded. 

“Hon, that’s got to be at least a little concerning, right? Not only are you having them at home at night, but they’re happening here too?”

I blushed. I looked over to see Rebecca continuing her glance. This was not the way I wanted things to be going right now. 

“I’m…I’m sorry…I should have gone when I got here to work, my bad.”

“My bad? Honey, you just peed your pants in front of an entire office. I’d say that’s more than a ‘My bad’, it’s rather embarrassing, don’t you think hmm?”

“You’re right. I’ll go buy some new clothes.”

Beth handed me two twenty-dollar bills, “There’s a store right down the street, go there and pick something up.”

I put my head down and darted out the door. I could hear Beth telling Rebecca in the background, “Oh I’m sorry you had to hear that…first day nerves I guess?”

I walked to the elevator, almost pretending that it didn’t happen. What a terrible way to start the day off. My face was beet red, and I continued to hide it as I got in the elevator. I hit the first floor and pounded the key to close the door, completely flummoxed as to what I should do next. 

As I got down to the first floor, I immediately headed outside. I looked around; no one was paying any considerable amount of attention, so I figured I could slip through without being too noticed. There was a Banana Republic nearby; I decided I’d go in there. It always seemed like a bit of a pricey place to me, I’d thought, but in these times, beggars couldn’t be choosers, you know? I went in and was met by a sales associate, I think her name tag said her name was Alyx, or something similar; it was a very unique spelling. 

“Can I help you today?” she quizzed me. 

“Yeah, I, uh, started a new job today, and uh, I uh, spilled some uh, coffee, on my pants, so I need something new,” I told her. 

“Sure thing, let’s just go right this way,” she told me.

I followed her towards the right section in the store, and quickly found a pair of pants that really fit the bill. Just to really touch my bases, I picked up a new pair of underwear for good measure. 

Alyx rang me up, and before I left, I asked if I could put my new clothes on in the back. 

“Sure thing, just go right towards the back, there’s a bathroom or a fitting room, whichever you prefer,” she told me with a smile. 

I decided to go to the bathroom. As I got in there, I quickly changed out of my soaked clothes, put my new ones on, and threw my old clothes in the BR bag that I’d just gotten up front. I finally felt a little refreshed, and at least cleaner, and thankfully, the itchiness that I had was finally subsiding. 

I went and took care of the rest of the stuff, running the errands for Megan that she needed me to. I may have peed my pants earlier, but I wanted to show Megan that she could trust me, no matter if I could trust my bladder control or not. I still wondered what had been going on; this wasn’t normal for me, and even though these urges to pee had been happening fairly frequently in the last few months, I really didn’t expect anything harmful to be happening. Beth told me that she had scheduled an appointment with a doctor at UCSF, so maybe we’d be able to get to the bottom of this, finally. 

I finally made it back to the office. I figured I’d been gone long enough that maybe this morning’s incident would be forgotten, swept under the rug, or something else. 

I was wrong. As soon as the elevator opened up, Rebecca was sitting at her desk, looking at me with a Cheshire Cat-esque grin. 

“Where’d ya go Chase? Out buying an umbrella? You never know when it’s going to rain at your desk!” she snickered. 

All I could do was blush and say, “Hi Rebecca,” and kept walking by. I’d really gotten myself into something again. 

I walked to Megan’s office and brought her the deposit envelope. 

“Oh thanks Chase, how was everything? Did it go well?” she asked. 

“Yeah, went off without a hitch,” I told her. I handed her back the envelope, “Do you want me to go back to what I was doing earlier?”

“Sounds good,” Megan told me before adding, “Oh and Chase, if you need to go potty, just go, we don’t penalize for potty breaks in the office here!” 

I blushed again, “Oh ok, sounds good, thanks.”

I’d probably blushed more times in the last few days than I had for the entirety of my life. The bathroom being called a “potty” only served to knock down my status further. 

The rest of the day went surprisingly well, I got a lot of work done, and I managed to get to the bathroom without actually peeing myself in the process. After the last few days that I’d had, I really considered it a success. Work went pretty well; I managed to get through a few things, and even though the last one was a bit of a slog, I still felt like I had a lot to do on it for the rest of the week. As long as I was busy, it was all I could ask for. 

5pm rolled around, and Beth came to grab me at my desk. As much as I enjoyed my new work surroundings and the new people I’d come into contact with, it was still great to see a familiar face. 

“Ready to go get some food?” she asked me. 

“Definitely,” I told her. 

“Let’s go say goodbye to Megan before we leave,” she told me, directing me towards my new overlord’s office. 

We approached Megan’s office and she was sitting at her desk, intently looking over something on her computer. She glanced up when we walked in.

“All done for the day?” Megan asked. 

“We are, we’ll see you again tomorrow,” Beth told her.

“Thanks for everything today,” I told Megan before continuing, “and sorry again about this morning.”

“It’s ok, accidents happen, you got to the potty when you needed to afterwards though, so that’s a success,” she told me with a smile.

I nodded. “Uh-huh, well, thanks and see you tomorrow,” I waved. 

“Bye, see you tomorrow!” she called out as we walked out. 

As we walked through the office, I saw Rebecca on the way out. She looked at me with a smile, and waved goodbye. 

“See ya tomorrow Chase, maybe bring an umbrella tomorrow!” Rebecca laughed. 

“See you tomorrow Rebecca,” was all I could do back. I couldn’t come back with anything witty. 

“Have a good one Becky,” Beth waved goodbye. 

As we walked out the door, I looked at Beth and asked, “I’m not going to live this down for awhile, am I?”

She smiled and replied, “Probably not.”

We went down to the car in the garage, and set off across the Bay. We made casual conversation about the day’s goings-on; I told Beth all that I had worked on, and she told me some of the legal compliance stuff that she’d been doing for the company. There wasn’t a mention about the little accident that had occurred earlier, though if I knew Beth, it’d probably be a conversation point later on. 

We wound up eating at a place called Taqueria San Jose, not too far from Beth’s house. I’d seen it a few times, and it looked pretty great from the outside, and really, the food didn’t disappoint. I wound up getting a burrito (seemed to be a bad habit at this point) that was really amazing. My favorite part of the meal was the Coke from the glass bottles; I’d only had them a few times in my life to that point, but I was convinced that it was one of the most amazing things I’d ever drank. We talked for a little while, each enjoying our meals.

The sun was still out, and the heat was still going strong, hitting around the 80s. We went back to Beth’s house and I went out to swim in her pool while she got some work done. It was a really relaxing time; one of my favorite things to do was swim. It was probably something trivial, but being where I was from, finding a pool was a luxury and generally was one that I always enjoyed when I could find it. I spent a long time jumping cannonballs into the water, running up the side and doing back flips, front flips in the water, handstands, and everything else that I could think of. Before long, the sun started to set and I decided it was time to go inside. 

When I went in, Beth was in her office, typing furiously away. I peeked my head in and told her I’d come back inside (I don’t know why I did, it’s not like she was my mom..must have been a force of habit, I guess). Beth looked up at me, smiling as I came in. 

“Did you enjoy your time out there? I heard you splashing up a storm!” she told me. 

“It was fantastic, I’d have been in earlier, but I guess I lost track of time,” I told her.
“Why don’t you take a shower and then come down and I’ll put on the Giants game that we can watch? I’m almost done here, I’ll wrap it up while you’re in the shower,” she told me. 

“Sounds good,” I told her. 

I went upstairs, took my board shorts off, and jumped into the shower. As I sat in the shower, the warm water caressing my chlorine-covered body, I remembered that I’d forgotten to bring my new clothes in. I figured I’d just head out over there when I was done; it was just down the hall, after all. 

Finally done with the shower, I got out, dried off, wrapped my towel up for modesty (I was an extremely modest person), and skulked back to my room, hoping I’d avoid Beth. I really liked her, but I wasn’t that comfortable being naked around ANYONE; it took me a long time to build up any courage around Alanna, even. I got to the door, and walked inside, and it looked like Beth must have been in there; on the bed was a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, and on top of that, one of my pull-ups. After today, I guess she really wasn’t taking chances. I guess she expected me to go to bed after the game was over. It had been a long day, so I could definitely see the logic. 

I put on my clothes, slipped on the pull-up and put on my pair of shorts. The shorts did well to hide it, but I felt like I could hear it rustle with every step that I took. I walked downstairs, across the short walk, and into Beth’s gargantuan living room, where she was waiting on one of the couches; the game was on TV. She saw me and started patting the seat next to her. 

“Come sit over here, I got you some juice to drink; I wouldn’t want you getting dehydrated after being outside tonight, you have to stay hydrated!” 

She was right, I figured. I went and sat next to her and leaned back on the couch. 

“Hon, I hope you didn’t mind me laying out your clothes for bed; I saw you go in without any thing, and I just wanted to be helpful. You had a kind of stressful day, so I wanted to make things easier for you, I hope you didn’t mind,” she told me. 

“Oh, not at all..thanks for thinking of me,” I told her. 

“I was thinking of going to the game this weekend if you wanted to; my friend Dana was going to bring a couple of her girls, who are kind of little, to the game, and asked if I wanted to go. I know you like baseball, so I figured you might want to come,” Beth told me.

“Really? Oh that’d be so amazing, yes yes yes, I’d love to go! Isn’t it the Bay Bridge Series this weekend?” I asked Beth. 

“Yes, they’re playing Oakland,” she told me, “I’ll call Dana tomorrow and tell her that we’ll be joining them at the game.”

I was tickled pink. I’d never been to an actual MLB game before, and this was something that I thought was going to be a great time. 

The game we watched was a great game; the Giants had a ton of offense and wound up beating Arizona something like 8-3. I went up and grabbed a few more glasses of juice, and by the time the game was over, it was hitting around 11pm. 

“Hon, I’m going to bed,” Beth told me, “I know you have protection on, but you probably should go potty before bed; it might help you stay dry again.”

“Sure, you always know what’s best,” I told her, being completely sincere. 

I went up to the bathroom, peed a bit, and then climbed into bed. It was a strange day, kind of a little stressful, somewhat exciting, and very much relaxing at the end. I fell asleep with a smile on my face; the day may have had its ups and downs, but I felt relaxed, and I had a great end to the night, and definitely something great to look forward to over the weekend. 

I had the dream again about being on the beach; I was sitting in the water, floating around in surf, back and forth, back and forth. It was so relaxing. I kept looking at the bright sun shining down, and it got into my eyes, and…I woke up, it was morning out. The bed wasn’t wet, that was good, and well, what would you know? My pull-up wasn’t either. 

I slipped off the pull-up, and threw it in the diaper pail. It was good to have it off, even if I really didn’t hate wearing it. There was a certain feel of security I had when I had it tight around my waist, but I really couldn’t explain it. I didn’t want to dwell on it, since I felt like I was weird if I felt like it was something I actually wanted to do. As much as I wanted to hate it and my new status, I really had to say I didn’t, but I didn’t like it all the way either; it was more a feeling of ultimate neutrality. 

I put on my new clothes for the day. They were pretty professional, I thought. I had another pair of khakis and a nice neutral polo shirt. I brushed my teeth, and looked at myself in the mirror, straightening my hair out, and getting myself ready for the day. I went downstairs, where I found Beth waiting. 

“Beth! Guess what? I’m dry again!” I told her. I was a little too excited, I thought, but it was something to celebrate, especially in light of the events yesterday. 

“That’s fantastic!” Beth told me, before continuing, “ let’s just get coffee and something at a little place downtown, I’m in a bit of a hurry this morning, and well, I also have a request for you,” Beth told me. 

A request? What was this going to be?

“I was talking with Megan last night after work and you were out swimming. I hope you didn’t mind, but I told her about your little problem you’ve been having here, and there, and well, I think we both came to the conclusion that you should be wearing protection at work, at least for the time being,” she told me.

My heart dropped. “Why?” I asked. 

“Because, if you accidentally go potty at work, well, then you’re going to have to drop what you’re doing, and I don’t want to be worrying about buying a pair of pants every day for you to change into.”

Made sense I guess. Beth had a great way of being logical. 

“Now look, it’s only for your protection. Think of it as a safety net; it’s there, just in case. You’ll still need to be using the potty as you normally would,” she continued, “is that ok?”

“Sure, I guess,” I was a little distraught, “If you think it’s for the best,” I told her. 

Secretly? I didn’t mind it. Like I said, there was a certain comfort level that I had with the thing on my waist. I didn’t plan on using it, but well, Beth was right, I had been having a lot of accidents lately, and it was a good safety net. At the very least, it would save me from any potential embarrassment. 

I went up to my room, got a new pull-up out, pulled my pants off, stripped down below the waist, slid the new pull-up on, pulled my pants up, and headed back downstairs. Beth was waiting for me.

“Shall we go? We’re going to have a great day, no one will even be able to tell,” she told me. I thought it was a nice reassurance, but I was skeptical of whether or not she was actually telling me the truth. 

We headed out the door. It was going to be a very interesting day. 
 

[aldl4811]

Fantastic new chapter. 

[alf852]

Pěkný příběh

[BabyGirlSJ]

VIII.

As we drove across the Bay towards the City, I didn’t make a ton of small-talk; I was too jittery thinking about what the day would have in store for me. I had a pull-up on, “for my own protection” and even though Beth had told me that no one could notice, I was still paranoid beyond belief. I was normally talkative this time of the morning, especially with Beth; she was extremely easy to talk to, was very well-read, and was really just pleasant to talk to. She was also very perceptive; I think it was her mom-sense.  

“Hon, what’s wrong? You haven’t said anything this whole drive.” 

“I don’t know, just a little nervous is all,” I told her.  

“Well no one’s going to know. Megan knows, but she won’t say anything, and I promise that I won’t say anything to anyone either, that includes Rebecca.” 

Rebecca. I had such a crush on her. Just thinking about her made me blush. Sure, Alanna and I were friends, but we really weren’t much more than that. She already had a new boyfriend, so… 

“Oh do you have a crush? You blush every time I mention her name,” Beth laughed. 

“She’s pretty, I guess, and kind of funny…” I tried to play it cool. Who was I trying to kid? Of course I did. I wasn’t actually going to tell anyone, though.  

“Well..I think she likes you, she had nothing but good things to say about you, your pee pee pants and all yesterday, I’d say that’s a good thing,” Beth told me.  

“Hopefully that’s a one off thing, I don’t plan on it happening again,” I assured Beth.  

“Well, you have your pull-up on, so I’d hope that it wouldn’t,” she retorted, “now just in case, I brought an extra one in my purse…just in case. If you actually go, and I hope you don’t, just come find me, and I’ll get you the extra one.” 

“Ok, sounds good, but I don’t think we’ll need to,” I told her.  

“Well, you never know,” Beth replied.   

The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful. There was some traffic on the road, but nothing crazy. I felt like I needed to pee, but I figured I could hold it, we weren’t too terribly long. There was the extra pull-up, and I could probably go, but I didn’t think it’d look too good on me if I went so early after getting in the car. It was mildly concerning at how fast my pee urges were happening here; I really hoped that I could get them under control.  

We made it to the office, I waved to Rebecca as I went through and Beth and I soon departed ways. I really wanted to stay and make small talk with Rebecca, but my bladder was itching at me that it was time to go. I sprinted through the office and made it to the bathroom, pulling down my pull-up at just the time pee started coming out. I’d barely made it.  

Finishing up, I walked back to my desk, where I found Megan waiting for me.  

“Hey Chase, ready to get things started today?” she asked.  

“Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be,” I told her. 

“Beth told me that you’ve taken some good steps, I’m glad to hear about it, hopefully we won’t have any repeat performances, right?”  

She was kind of snarky about it, but I guess I couldn’t blame her, I had made a bit of a spectacle yesterday.  

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Well that’s good to hear, try to check in during the day on the progress you’re making with those files, thanks Chase!” she said before departing back to her office. 

The rest of the day went pretty uneventful until the very end. I made it to the bathroom a few times, and hadn’t had any “repeat performances” from yesterday. I got some work done, and I think I had some approval from Megan on the job that I was doing. At the very least, it gave me a certain amount of a self-esteem building that I may not have otherwise had before. I was actually working somewhere, and actually doing a decent job about it. Before the end of the day though, disaster struck. Thankfully, I had that protection around my waist that Beth had apparently foreseen. So what happened? I had a tendency to really “lock-in” when it came to things. A lot of times, I could be a complete spaz, but when it came to things that I really wanted to impress people on, well, I really tried to block everything out. That meant conversations, drawing, or even using the bathroom; I just wanted to put it all by the wayside. Towards the end of the afternoon, well, that was one of those times.  

I was working on some filework fairly diligently, and I really felt like I’d made some decent headway within that whole thing. I’d had the urge to pee, but really, it was something that I kept putting off. Again, I probably shouldn’t have kept putting it off, but well, it was something I just wasn’t giving any thought to. And well, it wound up costing me. I’d felt some pressure, and it definitely had built up, but I thought I’d have some time, and just wanted to finish the last little bit I was working on. I could be done with it, and be able to relax for the rest of the day; there wasn’t a ton left, and I just didn’t see the point in interrupting myself for a bathroom break and breaking my groove. My groove was broken, albeit in a different manner.  

As I got to being allllmost done, the pressure finally broke through, and I started flooding my pull-up. I stood up immediately, trying to catch myself, but I could feel that the damage was already done, and rather than high-tailing it to the bathroom, I kind of shrugged my shoulders, and finished doing the deed in the pull-up. I had one on, it was supposed to be for this stuff right? Beth told me as much. I was just doing what I (assumed) was expected. I sat back down, the fairly thin garment became really squishy. I had a worry that it was going to leak, so I decided I’d go find Beth; she had an extra packed, after all.  

As wet as I felt like I was, it wasn’t really noticeable on the front of my pants. I felt like I was walking with a wet balloon between my legs, but once again, I probably was just living in my own head. Not wanting to just up and disappear, I thought I’d go over and tell Megan that I’d be gone for just a few minutes. I wasn’t planning on telling her why, just that if she needed me for anything, I had to run across the office for a quick bit.  

I went into Megan’s office, where she was sitting at her desk, looking as immaculate as ever. She didn’t look up as I went in; I admit, I felt a little awkward going in there.  

“Hey uh..Megan? I..uh…need to run and ask Beth something real quick, so if you’re looking for me, I’ll just be over there,” I told her, about as smoothly as a clunky dirt road.  

Not even batting her concentration, she didn’t look up and asked me, “Oh why, did you pee your pull-up and you need a new one?” and made eye contact with me behind her dark-framed glasses.  

“Oh, uh…well…” I started.  

“Don’t worry, she told me that it might happen. Hey, it beats having to go out and buy new clothes, right?” she said, halfway joking.  

“Uh yeah, absolutely..” was all I could muster back. 

“Yeah, just run on ahead, be back before we leave though, ok?”  

So I did. I walked across the hall, and went across the front of the lobby. I passed Rebecca on my way over.  

“Hey Chase, you’re heading somewhere fast? There can’t be ANYTHING that pressing over there, can it?” she asked.  

“Oh well, I just needed to confirm something with Beth, that’s all,” I told her. 

“Oh really? Why couldn’t you have just called her office phone?” she was obviously prying.  

“I don’t know, it’s just something that is better to ask in person, is all,” I tried to stonewall her.  

Then I decided to throw her a curve. 

“Hey, do you want to go out and do something one of these days after work?” I asked.  

She looked at me, somewhat taken aback. “Well, yeah, that could be fun. There’s a ton we could go do, let’s talk some more later,” she told me.  

It was an honest question I had, but it also served as a nice distraction as I continued to make my way towards where Beth worked at. Strangely enough, I don’t think I ever had actually seen Beth’s office; all of my adventures (or misadventures) had taken place on my side of the building, never hers. I guess this was as great a time as any.  

The area over where I was going seemed to be more stone-cold than the fairly-lighthearted area where I was working at. I had an idea of where I was going, and as I wandered around the desks, I encountered a few unfamiliar faces. Finally, I encountered a fairly surly administrative assistant, very likely my counterpart from the other side.  

“Can I help you?” he asked, fairly rudely. 

“I’m looking for Beth,” I told him. 

“Oh, she’s just down the hall, a few doors to your right,” he told me. His tone shifted, for no real reason I guess, other than maybe he thought I wasn’t just some random person in there. I’d have to bring it up to Beth at some point, I thought, but I had more pressing needs at this point.  

Finally, I made it to Beth’s office. It was as immaculate as her home was, with a very minimalistic approach, which also projected a fair amount of power. She was filling out some forms when I came in.  

“Oh hey Beth, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” I told her.  

“Hon, you’ll never be doing any such thing on me? Here to change your pants? Megan called and filled me in.”

I should have figured. I think there was a non-stop phone line between the two friends.  

“I’m sorry, it just kind of happened,” I told her. 

“Well, it looks like I was right when I decided to bring another few of these, wouldn’t you say?” she asked, reaching into her purse.  

She pulled out a new pull-up, and a travel pack of wipes.  

“Hon, the bathroom is a ways away, there aren’t any windows to the rest of the office, from here, so why don’t you just go over there and change real quick?” she said, in more of a direction rather than a question, and handed out the pull-up and wipes to me across the desk, “don’t worry, I’m not going to look,” she laughed.  

It was somewhat embarrassing, I thought, but at the same time, I didn’t really want to run into the surly assistant outside brandishing a pull-up and wipes. How would I really explain my way out of that one?  

I took the pull-up and wipes from her, moving ot a corner of the room, where I took my pants off, popped the sides of the pull-up, used a few wipes, wiped myself down before putting them into the pull-up, and then putting a new one on, and ultimately pulling my pants up.  

Beth looked up, “Are you done?”

“Yeah, wasn’t too big of a deal.” 

“Well, just toss that in the trash here, I’ll cover it up so it can be our little secret,” she told me.  

“Thanks Beth, I really owe you,” I told her. 

“Hey it beats wet pants right?” she asked.  

“Of course,” I told Beth. 

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. I didn’t pee my pants again, and I got the arduous assignment done that I’d been working on, while also getting some new stuff from Megan to work on. We didn’t speak of the earlier events, but at the same time, it felt like the giant elephant in the room. I had to admit, it was getting worrisome, but I didn’t know what else to do other than to follow the course I had been on. I wasn’t peeing my bed, but I was peeing my pants at work, and it really shouldn’t have been happening.  

We drove home that night, and we stopped off at the Safeway to buy some groceries; Beth was going to make dinner that night. It was a similar routine from the night before; I got out of my plastic-backed containment and into my board shorts, and went out to Beth’s pool for some fun in the sun before dinner. After a bit of time had passed, Beth called me in; I told her that I’d go run in and take a shower and then meet her down. Once again, the shower was uneventful, and once again, I came back to my room to find my clothes laid out on the bed, including another pull-up. I didn’t think that this was really necessary in the house at this time of the day, but I figured Beth must have wanted it; otherwise she wouldn’t have laid it out. Once again, I put that on with a shirt and shorts and went to enjoy dinner.  

Dinner time was great that night; Beth made a great dish of stuffed peppers, artichokes, and a nice little salad to go with it, she was an excellent cook. We went back and watched another Giants game that night, I had some of that lovely juice from the company, and I wound up falling asleep, slumped over on Beth’s shoulder. I’d awoken halfway through, not even thinking about it, and probably from my previous experiences with Alanna, and I’d, almost instinctually, draped my legs across her lap, and nuzzled my head on her chest. For her part, she took it in stride (I guess), and put her arm around me, almost facilitating the whole exchange. I don’t know how much longer that I spent like that for the rest of that night, because I’d drifted back off to sleep shortly thereafter.  

At one point, I felt like I was having a dream, a very vivid one in fact. In this dream, I could have felt like I was being carried up the stairs, and after that, I could have sworn that Beth was tearing off the sides of my pull-up, wiping me all over with a baby wipe, and then sliding a new one on my legs that I was kind of helping her with. That couldn’t be right, could it? It all seemed like a strange dream, and one that I really felt traversed the line between a dream state and reality. The next morning, strangely enough, I woke up in my bed, and not the couch where I’d fallen asleep at the previous evening. Much unlike the last few mornings,  I woke up wet. I was not happy about that, and I changed out of it before I went downstairs to find Beth making breakfast. She looked at me and smiled.  

“Did you sleep well last night? You were out like a light!” 

“Yeah, I really did, it must be all of the work I’ve been doing catching up to me or something,” I told her.  

I continued, “I had the strangest dream last night, I could have sworn that I was being carried up the stairs, and…” 

Beth cut me off.  

“Well, I took you back up to bed, it reminded me of taking Samantha back to bed when she was younger,” she laughed before continuing, “You also wet quite a bit in your pull-up out on the couch, so I took the liberty of changing your diaper before I went to sleep for the night, I hope you didn’t mind…with the poofiness that your little tushie was, I didn’t want to take the chance that you’d wet even more and ruin my mattress.” 

I kind of stared in disbelief. That all had happened, it wasn’t a dream. I was really embarrassed; I was supposed to be a functioning adult, and here I was, well…peeing my pants at work, having my pants changed by the lady I was staying with, and well….I can honestly say that it…didn’t feel really good right now.  

Beth seemed like she could sense my embarrassment. “Now hon, it’s better than waking up in a wet bed, right?” 

She was right, what could I say? I had woken up wet this morning, and she was probably right that I’d have leaked. I probably should have been thanking her for actually taking care of it: I don’t think she really signed up for this when I came over.  

“Well..um…thank you Beth, I hope that I don’t make a habit out of it,” I told her.  

“It’s not too big of a deal; I used to do the same thing for Samantha when she was a baby, I’ve always been a bit of a stickler about that stuff, always looking out, you could definitely say,” she told me.  

“But I’m not a baby,” I protested.  

“Well you get my point,” she replied, “You had a problem, and I took care of it, and now it’s not a problem,” she told me. 

Damn her and her logic. She always seemed to know the right things to say.  

“Now why don’t you get dressed into another one before we go to work, I’ll bring extras just in case again, hopefully you won’t need them, but let’s not take a chance.”

I nodded and went upstairs, putting on my new plastic padding. I’d thought it before, but they really were comfortable, and really, they were pretty convenient, given my new issues.  

I came back down and off we went to work. Hopefully it’d be a nondescript day.  

The day of work was uneventful, and actually, so was the rest of the week. I think looking forward to the baseball game on Friday was making everything go by fast, and I had been worried that it’d go by slow. At work, I’d had a few more accidents here and there, which I was grateful for Beth bringing the extra pull-ups to work. It wasn’t terrible to change out of, and really never inconvenienced me, as I’d always change on my lunch break or any other time break that I might have; this also helped me having to explain myself to Megan. I’d just say that I was having lunch with Beth, and I’d change in her office. She’d already seen me naked that one time, so it’s not like there was anything going on. Whatever dry nights that I’d had at first, the peeing kicked up the intensity, thankfully, I was able to change myself. Despite all of this white noise, I felt like I was really making headway at work.  

Finally, after a long week, the day was finally here! We had work, and then a baseball game with Beth, her friend, and her friend’s kids. I was super excited to watch the game, and well, kind of excited to meet Dana. I was really kind of a quiet person, and it always took a lot for me to actually go out and meet people. My whole life seemed like a paradox; I almost enjoyed being antisocial, but I really liked to meet new people at the same time. To this point, I guess I was glad that Beth was getting me out of my comfort zone a bit.  

We were going to go from work over to dinner with Beth’s friend Dana that night, and weren’t going to go back home. I thought that I might ask Beth if I could get out of pull-ups for the game tonight; maybe I could bring a pair of underwear. Now that I’d thought of it, it seemed like my underwear had been replaced in the drawer by the pull-ups Beth had bought/been buying. Nevertheless, before we left that day for work, I thought I’d ask.  

“Beth, do I um…have to wear pull-ups to the game?” I sheepishly asked.  

“Well, if you ask me, I really think you should. It’s a big place, and given your proclivities for potty accidents this week, are you sure that you’d actually be able to get to the potty in time? You might really get into the game, and forget to, and by the time you realize you had to go, well, you’d probably have wet pants, and we’d have to go. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” 

I’ve mentioned it before, but she had this real way of breaking things down in a way that really made a lot of sense.  

“Well, no, but…”  

I must have had worry on my face, because it seemed Beth picked up on it (she had real good way of reading people it seemed). 

“Before you ask, no, I haven’t told Dana about your problem, because it’s not her business. Megan only knows because she would have wondered why you might be taking time out of the day to go somewhere, and you didn’t need to be having accidents at the office she supervises. Dana, well, I don’t need to tell her, because it’s your issue. I don’t think she’d care, but really, I’m not going to share your padded laundry with everyone. “ 

“And besides, if you have to go, just go to the potty hon, I’m not telling you that you need to use your pull-ups, they’re just there, just in case.” 

She could trademark “Just in Case,” and would make a fortune doing it, I thought.  

Beth was right though, I thought. I really didn’t want to make my first impression on her friend having pee pants. Besides, it’s not like anyone could actually tell I was wearing them. I’d just have to make sure that I made it to the bathroom on time, and maybe I could get out of these “restrictions”.  

The day at work went well. I really tried to focus on my bathroom habits, and actually made it to the bathroom every time that day. I still had lunch with Beth, but thankfully, changing my pull-up in the corner of her office wasn’t part of the day’s festivities. I sat and watched the clock, and thought it seemed like there were periods of time where it actually stopped, or slowed to a near halt, the minutes finally mercifully ticked by and before I knew it at the end of the day, 5PM finally, finally rolled around. I was stoked.  

Beth came and got me at my desk. “Are you ready to go?”  

“Absolutely! I can’t wait!” I told her. 

“Well, let’s go say bye to Megan, and we’ll head out.” 

We went over, and I told Megan bye. Beth must have told her where we were going tonight, because she told us to have fun at the game. After that, we made our way out of the office, where I waved goodbye to Rebecca. 

“Bye Chase, don’t get too soaked at the game!” she teasingly laughed.  

I blushed, but took it in stride, and we kept walking out. One day I was going to get up the courage to ask Rebecca out. I’d already kind of prodded, but well, in my typical fashion, I never closed the deal. I really was hoping that I wouldn’t have to wear pull-ups on one of those occasions. We finally made our way down to the parking garage and into Beth’s car.  

“This is a silly question hon, but do you like burgers? We’re going to meet Dana at a little place over by the ballpark, they have the most excellent food in the world,” she informed me.  

“Oh yeah, of course,” I told her, “that sounds absolutely amazing, actually.” 

What I neglected to tell her was that I seemed to be somewhat susceptible to grease and gluten, but I’d always thought it was in my head. This seemed to be a place that she and Dana had specifically picked out, so I didn’t want to be a downer on the whole thing.  

Off we went, moving through the labyrinth that was downtown San Francisco. The view of these towering buildings never got old. I’d always been so used to so many wide-open spaces, that the turn into a sudden concrete canyon was a welcome reprieve. I’d always gotten used to things never changing, and it seemed like there was something new going on around here every day. I could really get used to this.  

After a short bit of time had gone by, we finally found parking in a random lot somewhere downtown. We got out of the car and headed over to the restaurant. It was a small hole in the wall, nestled into a brick wall of what appeared to be a repurposed building.  

“Dana’s already inside with her daughters, they’re really excited to meet you,” Beth told me.  

We walked inside. The restaurant had a warehouse-esque type of feeling, with an exposed brick wall on two sides. There were a bunch of baseball bobbleheads on one side, and all sorts of memorabilia stretched across the corner. There were booths on one side, and a bar on the other; in the back there looked like there was a salad bar; an odd companion to the rest of this place, I thought. I’ll admit, I was kind of nervous; meeting new people always sounded nice in my head, but in practice, I could never shake the anxiety that I’d undoubtedly get when that particular time approached.  

I looked around, and in a corner booth near the back sat three individuals, one woman and two children. It must have been Dana, I figured. My suspicions were confirmed as Beth grew a smile on her face and walked fairly quickly towards that table. I dutifully followed behind, I was excited yet a little terrified at the same time.  

As we got closer, I got a better look at Dana. She had a fairly light complexion with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. There were a set of sunglasses perched upon her head, and she was wearing a black and orange Giants shirt. Next to her were two girls, one looked several years older than the other. They looked like mini versions of their mother, albeit a lot younger. Dana looked like she must have been in her mid 30s and very much looked like someone typical of a suburban area. She had a very friendly face though, and her eyes lit up when she saw Beth and I approaching.  

“Beth! How. Are. You?” she beamed.  

“Oh you know, the same old thing, just working myself to death, I have this little intern in tow today though, he’s been picking up a lot of slack at work,” she told Dana.  

“Well, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced, I’m Dana,” she told me, “and this is Natalie, who is 8, and Amelia, who is 2.” 

“Hi, nice to meet all three of you,” I awkwardly started, “I’m Chase.”  

It was a very basic introduction on my part. Dana had such a forward, yet comforting way of talking. I was very impressed.  

“Beth and I go back a long time,” she started, “we worked together before Beth took her new job, and I’ve taken a bit of a detour with these two,” she finished, pointing at each of the two girls.” 

“We’re kids,” Natalie laughed. “I’m the big sister,” she informed me as well. 

“Wow, that’s…really cool,” I told her.  

As nervous as I got talking to adults, I was equally or more nervous talking to kids. I never felt like I had anything to really talk to them about. I mean, I didn’t mind playing toys with them to entertain them, but really, I was never raised around a ton of kids, so I didn’t have a lot to go off of.  

“Will you be our friend Chase?” Natalie asked.  

“Yeah, I think I can arrange that,” I told them.  

The rest of dinner went off without a hitch. We made a lot of small talk. For food, I wound up getting a burger with mushrooms, swiss cheese, bacon, jalapenos, and hot sauce. For whatever reason, I always had to have things with a lot of spice in them. My stomach was never the happiest about it, but wow if I really didn’t like it going in. Beth and Dana did a lot of talking, and I did my best to tell Dana about myself and make small talk, while also trying to entertain the little kids. It was surprisingly a pretty good time, whatever anxiety that I’d previously had really had evaporated.  

As the clock got to around 615 or so, Beth and Dana decided it was time to go over to the ballpark. 

“If you hold on, I need to take this one to the potty and change her little sister’s wet butt,” Dana told Beth.  

Beth looked at me. “Chase, you probably should go potty too.” 

I turned about as red as the Budweiser sign by the bar. “Ok, I will,” was all I could muster.  

I made a quick trip in and out of the bathroom, and met Beth outside while we waited for Dana to re-emerge with her girls. Once they did, we all made our way to the ballpark, which was just a few blocks away. I’d only seen it on TV, and it had been a dream of mine to actually go there. It was more spectacular than what I’d pictured on TV. We made our way through the gates, up an escalator, and finally down a giant concourse lined with food places. Everything smelled amazing, if I hadn’t just eaten, I’d be chomping at the bit to get something here.  

We finally found our seats out up near the lower side of the seats off the first base line. The cool air poured into the stadium.  

Beth looked at me. “Do you want me to go buy you something warm like a hoodie? It’ll be my treat, I know you probably don’t have any of that coming from where you came from in Hawaii.” 

“That’d be great,” I told her.  

“Great! I’ll go up and grab something for you, I’ll be right back,” she told me.  

“Don’t worry Beth, we’ll keep him good company,” Dana told her.  

There was the problem of a creeping feeling in my stomach. Like I said earlier, it was a little sensitive to grease and gluten, and well, putting jalapenos and hot sauce into the equation along with some fries didn’t help much better. I didn’t think it was necessarily a big deal, I’d probably have to go to the bathroom sooner or later, but I figured it wasn’t a pressing issue for the most part. Thankfully, I no longer had to pee, since I’d gone in the restaurant before we made our way over here.  

Dana and I made small talk, I told her about the rural area I’d moved to Hawaii from, what I thought about Hawaii, and what I thought of the Bay Area. She was really friendly and really easy to talk to. Beth seemed to do a really good job at picking out friends; it was a nice circle of people that she seemed to know.  

All the while I talked with Dana, I was trying to avoid the sinking feeling in my stomach that something was amiss. I’d had this feeling on plenty of occasions before; it felt like there was pressure, and then I could relieve it by passing gas. I didn’t think this time would be any different. I figured I could put it off until we at least got home; I didn’t think that it was too pressing, but I had a great way of underestimating things. Dana and I kept talking, and finally Beth reappeared with a grey hoodie with the Giants script across the front. It was really attractive; Beth had done a great job picking it out.  

“Go ahead and put it on,” Beth told me, handing me the hoodie.  

I stood up and started to put it on. As I reached up to put it over my head, the pressure on my stomach reached a fever pitch. I figured I’d just be able to fart and it would go away. Not thinking anything else, I just decided to let it rip. No big deal right? Well, it actually was.  

In what was a culmination of my bad bathroom habits over the last week, the brown cherry on top, as soon as I farted, a tidal wave of warm liquid shot out of my bottom, caking my butt and spreading all across the bottom of the pull-up I had on. At first, I worried that I’d leaked, and though my butt felt really hot and wet, I didn’t think there was anything out of the ordinary. Somewhat unfazed, really surprisingly unfazed, I continued to put on the hoodie, before falling back and collapsing on my seat, spreading the mess around even further. It went up my butt, it went around my crotch, it felt like it was all over. What was I thinking with the food I’d ordered? Once again, in a series of bad mistakes, this one was probably the worst. Worst yet, I didn’t know what I was going to do. It’s not like I could just skulk around in poop-filled pants. If someone didn’t notice it now, it would be noticed on the way home.  

As if on cue, Dana looked around.  

“What is that smell? Amelia? Did you make a poopy for Mommy?”  

I hoped like crazy that Amelia would have deposited something in her diaper.  

“No Mommy I awll cwean,” Amelia told her.  

“Come over here and let Mommy check,” Dana instructed, “Yep! You’re all clean.”

Beth whispered in my ear, “is there something you’d like to tell me, hon?”  

I turned dark red. No words were needed.  

“Dana, I think I found the source of the assault on your nostrils,” Beth told her, pointing at me, “This one needs to clean up, do you mind if I get some wipes from you?” 

Dana kind of looked at her strangely, “Um sure Beth, why don’t you just take the whole diaper bag?” 

“Thanks Dana, I’ll explain everything when I get back, c’mon Chase, let’s go,” she instructed me.  

I literally felt like the most embarrassed person on the planet. If I could have shot myself out of my seat and to the bottom of the Bay on the other side of the brick wall right now, I would have. What had I done.  

Beth offered her hand to me, “Let’s go get you cleaned up hon.” 

I gulped and followed her, taking her hand and following her. I hoped that I didn’t gag too many people on my way across; I did get some strange looks. 

Beth led me up the stairs and into the concourse, looking around with the intensity of a hawk. Diaper bag slung across her shoulder, holding my hand with a bad stench following, it would be fairly obvious as to what was going on here. Finally, seeing what she wanted, she led me into a room labeled “Family Restroom” and closed the door behind us.  

“Hon, if it looks anything like it smells coming out of you, just let me take care of this, ok? I promise that I’ll make it short and easy, you’re just going to need to lay down over here,” and took a vinyl changing mat out of the bag and laid it on the ground.  

It was too small for me to completely fit of course, but my bottom fit nicely on it. Beth took my shoes off, before unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down, exposing the sodden diaper. She made quick work of the sides, popping them open (“I guess this is why they have these sides!”) and opening up the pull-up. She lifted my legs and slid it from underneath me, holding my bottom up in the air. Expertly, she wiped in a quick motion, using quite a few from the sounds of it.  

“Wow hon, you really did a number on this, did you know it was even coming?” she commented while cleaning.  

“No, it just kind of happened,” I told her.  

“Well, this is why I told you to wear one of these.”

“You really were right,” I told her. 

This got a look from her I’d never seen before, “Hon, I’m always right,” she kind of chuckled, trying to make the best of a bad and stinky situation, “You’d better keep this next one clean, because all of your other ones are at the house,” she finished.  

Finally, the wiping came to a merciful end, and she took a pull-up out of her purse. 

“Legs out hon,” she instructed me. I did as she told me. 

She slid up the pull-up on my legs, before having me lift so she could finish sliding it up over my bottom.  

“There we go, all clean,” she told me, using another few wipes to clean some scattered poop off of the changing mat, “now it’s baseball time!”  

She washed her hands, threw the poopy pull-up away and offered me her hand. As we got up to go, she took me by the hand, looking at me as we walked, and telling me, “Hon, we’re going to need to discuss some things when we get home tonight.” 

 

I gulped at that time. I had a feeling things were never going to be the same. What was happening to me?

 

[BabyGirlSJ]

IX.

We returned back to the seats, me taking a really, truly, walk of shame back to there. Dana got her diaper bag back, nothing else was really said about the whole ordeal, other than Beth making the ominous statement that she’d explain it all to Dana later. For me, it was completely embarrassing. Peeing my pants was one thing, but actually pooping my pants in front of someone that I really barely knew, well, that was something altogether different. It was awkward, and really, I didn’t know what to say. I tried to make the best of what had turned into a pretty messy situation. 

My bathroom habits didn’t do so well for the rest of the game, either. Disheartened by it all, I just figured I’d might as well use the pull-up for what it was intended to do. Rather than get up to go, I just peed in my pull-up during the middle of the game. The game itself was pretty entertaining, and I figured I’d probably lost any chance at going back to my underwear anyway, after my last little incident. Why not, I thought. I sat there, kind of in a lulled out haze for the duration of the game. What had happened to me? The whole thing had kind of caught me off-guard. I never had these pee problems before, and while the poopiness was more or less just a bad accident, I’d never in my wildest dreams have thought that I would have wound up sitting in a baseball stadium with poop covering my bottom. I had no idea what was going to happen, no idea what Beth was going to say later in our “discussion,” but I figured nothing from it could turn out well. 

The game was good I guess, but it ended with a Giants loss; normally, I would have cared, but I was in such a daze right now, it didn’t matter. I’d pooped my pants, been changed like a baby for that, and now I’d peed my pants, and I foresaw a similar fate happening before we were leaving. I didn’t know what to do anymore. As the final out hit the outfielder’s glove, people had started to get up and head towards the exits; we were primed to do the same. Beth and I got up, followed by Dana and her girls. We walked up the steep steps to the concourse, and started heading down. Soon we approached a set of restrooms. 

“I’m going to go change this one, and take the other one to the potty, if you’re not in a hurry, I’ll meet you back out here when we’re done,” Dana told Beth. 

“I think we’re going to do the same,” Beth told her, “do you mind if I borrow some of your wipes?” she asked Dana.  
“Sure, I have some extra ones, don’t worry about giving them back, just keep them,” Dana told Beth, rustling through her diaper bag and pulling out a travel pack of baby wipes, handing them to Beth.

“Thanks,” Beth told her.

“No problem, see you in a few,” Dana told her, disappearing into the women’s restroom.

“Do we need to use these or can you use the potty?” Beth asked me. 

I turned red, and somewhat sheepishly told her, “We’ll need to use those.”

Beth sighed, “Ok, let’s go and take care of this, then.”

We walked in the room, with Beth closing the door. I went to take the wipes from her hand, but she shallowly pulled them away.

“Hon, you might miss some spots, I’ll just go ahead and take care of this again, ok?”

“Um, sure, if you want to,” I told her. 

She had me drop my pants, revealing a pee-soaked pull-up. 

“Hon, you should have said something, you really didn’t need to go in this, you know,” Beth remarked.

“Yeah,” was about all that I could reply. 

Truthfully, I was just too out of it to really fight it, or even try anything. I’d been on this steady downhill slide since the middle of last school year, and it’d reached its peak here, or all-time low, depending on how you looked at it. I didn’t think things could get any worse. 

She had me lay on a table on the corner, putting down some paper for me to lay on it on. I complied. I wasn’t going to fight it; what good would it really do? What could I really say? “Hey, I know I just peed my pants and pooped my pants earlier, but I’m really a functioning adult! Honest!” I couldn’t. There was no point. 

Beth efficiently changed my pull-up, wiping me down, pulling a new one out of her purse, and helping it up my legs. She was pretty good at it, I thought, but this wasn’t something I wanted to make a habit. 

Beth put the used wipes in the sodden pull-up, balled it up, and threw it away, taking time to wash her hands while I pulled my pants up and buttoned them. 

We met Dana outside of the area, with the two women exchanging looks. 

“Everything good?” Dana asked. 

“Just a little wet,” Beth told her, before turning to me “But nothing we couldn’t take care of, right?” 

“Um yeah,” was all I said. 

We walked out of the stadium before saying our goodbyes. I hugged Dana, telling her how glad I was to meet her. 

“We’ll have to have you and Beth over one of these days,” Dana told me, before Natalie added, “Maybe you’ll be potty trained by then!” 

Dana shot her eldest daughter a death glare. “Hey, you don’t need to say that, it wasn’t too long ago that you were having accidents yourself!” 

“I’m sorry…” was all that Natalie could say to me.

“No worries, it was great meeting you all,” I told them. It did bother me, but what was I going to say? She *was* right, I hadn’t been able to reliably control my bathroom habits for a bit of time now, not that she really knew that, but still. 

“We’ll get together, maybe next weekend, we’ve just got to sort out a few things on our end,” Beth told them. 

“No worries, you know how and where to find me!” Dana laughed as she and her clan took off. 

Soon, we waved our goodbyes, and I went towards Beth’s car with Beth. Dana and her girls were really nice, and I really wanted to be able to spend more time with them; I really thought that I’d blown any chance of a normal perception with my incident at the stadium, though. I hoped they wouldn’t judge me for it. 

For her part, and despite having to change what basically amounted to two diapers at the stadium, Beth didn’t seem perturbed or angry or even upset by the whole thing at all. It had been her idea to bring extras with her, I guess, so maybe it wasn’t all that expected to her. Maybe she figured this might happen, well, I guess she probably did. 

We got in the car and started driving. It was a bit of an awkward silence, and about halfway through, Beth turned on the radio a bit. We didn’t really say anything to each other, it was kind of to be expected, I guess. Finally, with something seemingly on her mind, Beth turned down the radio and started to talk. I figured it must have been important. 

“Hon, look, we need to go take you to the doctor on Monday. It isn’t normal to be pooping and peeing your pants, and if there is something wrong, we need to be getting down to the root of it,” she began. 

I started to get a little nervous; I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, “I’m sorry,” was about all that I could think of to say. 

“Don’t apologize, accidents happen, and really, I didn’t mind changing you, even though it was probably embarrassing to you. Beats sitting around in a dirty diaper, you know?”

I cringed at the use of the word “diaper”, but I did have to agree with her. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” I told her, “and um…thanks for doing that,”

“Hon, I’m a mom, I may be a lawyer, but I’m a mom. I’ve changed more than my share of dirty diapers over the years, either my kids’, my nieces, and even Dana’s girls, it’s second nature, and I do apologize for taking charge, but it’s just innate,” she told me. 

I was shocked that she apologized, but if I was being honest, I was glad she did it and not me. 

“So look hon, I’m going to take you to the doctor on Monday, I’ll call and let the office know we won’t be coming in. In the meantime, let’s just keep you in your pull-ups the whole time, I reallllly don’t want stuff getting ruined because you can’t make it to the potty in time. You can try to go to the potty if you have to, but if you don’t make it, it won’t be a big deal,” she explained. 

I started to talk, but she interrupted again, “No, I won’t be changing you unless you want me to, I don’t mind doing it, like I said, but it’s not like I’m going to be checking you constantly, just…make sure you try to make the potty,” she finished. 

I thought I’d try my hardest to make the pott-er…bathroom, and I really didn’t want to be changed by Beth, it was just really, um, embarrassing, and something that hadn’t happened to me in close to 16 years. 

It really made me feel down. We finally got home that night, and I went upstairs and instead of my nightly shower, I just took my pants off and crashed on the blanket. It had been really quite an experience of the day, and it was something that I really just wanted to be over. At least in my sleep I could get away from things for awhile, even if it was only a few hours that felt like a few minutes. 

I woke up the next morning, my whole area around me soaked; my pull-up had leaked over the course of the night. This was truly the gift that kept on giving, what was going to happen next? Was a giant kraken going to come out of the Bay and pull me under to be some sort of water-logged servant of the damned? 
Embarrassed, I took my pull-up off, wiped myself off, and threw it away in the diaper genie in my room. I put a new one on, and put some new clothes on. Then, I stripped my bed, took my shirt that even had a ring of pee around it, put it in a giant ball, and carried it downstairs. Something smelled good; Beth must have been cooking. 

I walked down the stairs, and turned the corner to the laundry room, just as Beth was coming out from her kitchen. She had a smile that suddenly turned to a look of concern. 

“Oh Hon, what happened last night? Is everything ok?” she asked. 

“Yeah, um, I just leaked, I guess. I probably had too much to drink before bed or something, “ I told her. 

“Well you just go ahead and throw that in there, and let’s go have breakfast, I made you an omelette, I hope you don’t mind, I got you some of the juice you like too” Beth told me. 

“Yeah, that’d be great,” I told her.

We had a really pleasant conversation, non-pee related, and it was a great start to the day. I really didn’t want to be around anyone today, though, so I decided it’d be another great day to head out into the hills, which I’d neglected to tell Beth I was doing, Additionally, I’d completely forgotten about the laundry in the washer when I made the decision to go, and to complete the trifecta of stupid on my part, I forgot to bring an additional pull-up, in-case, well, you know, the repeat of the recency had happened; I just didn’t seem to think of it. 

I walked out of the house and went to the bus stop, making my way back towards Mt. Tam and the surrounding hikeable areas. It was a pretty nice day out, and really had given me some nice perspective and some time to just clear my head, away from everything. I’ll admit, I was nervous about the upcoming doctor’s appointment; something wasn’t right, but I had an underlying fear that the thing that wasn’t right was going to be a really bad thing that wasn’t right. I was eternally a pessimist, so I naturally assumed things were going to turn up bad. 

The day went pretty well; I’d brought a bottle of water and a camera with me, and had taken some really cool pictures off of the top of Mt. Tam. I’d even managed to use the bathroom (albeit outside away from any form of civilization) and make it to one on my way up the mountain. At the end of the hike though, disaster struck once again. I was about halfway down the mountain when I felt a rumbling in my stomach. It must have been the breakfast mixed with the anxiety; I’d had this propensity to have sudden pooping problems whenever I got anxiety, and well, with that upcoming doctor’s appointment coming, combined with everything else lately outside of work, my anxiety had hit a peak level high. It was only natural that this would happen now, and of all the times not to either have a bathroom around or an extra pull-up (that I’d carelessly forgotten to bring), I didn’t know what to do. I decided I’d high-tail it back, hopefully being able to find relief near the end of the trail, by the bus, or somewhere, just anywhere. I had to make it, I just had to. 
As much as I liked to be optimistic in times like these, well, it wasn’t to be. As I ran down the hill, holding everything back as best that I could, I tripped on a tree branch, sending me tumbling down to the ground, faceplanting in the process. The impact broke my concentration, and soon the entire back of my pull-up was filled with hot, runny mush, with a color similar to the dirt I had on my face from the hit on the ground. All I could do was lay there and cry; after a day that had seemed to start so well, I found myself laying with dirt on my face, poop in my pants, and an endless set of tears tying it all together. It wasn’t good, and I didn’t know what I’d do next. 

At this point, I wished I’d brought an extra pull-up. At the very least, I could get out of this, and pretend that it had never happened, shown back up at the house all clean and dry, and could have at least given the illusion to Beth that I had everything under control. Now? I had dirt on my face, mixed with snot, poop in my pants, and really, I couldn’t have gone anywhere now, not looking and feeling like the mess I currently was. I looked for an upcoming bus, and despite some strange looks from people, I got on it and wandered back to the house. I was in a daze, I didn’t expect to get anything productive done, and I just wanted to be back home, wherever that was. Part of me wanted to just be back in Hawaii and pretending this whole thing didn’t happen. Part of me just wanted to be back in Beth’s house and have her warm embrace, telling me everything was going to be ok. I just didn’t know. I just didn’t know. 

As I rode the bus, I stared outside the window as I got closer and closer to Beth’s neighborhood. The stench coming out of my bottom was absolutely awful, I’d cleared an entire area to myself by people avoiding me, which was good, I guess. I looked like I’d wandered out of the forest and was half-wild at this point, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to get back.  

Finally, I got back to Beth’s house, I was relieved. As I climbed the steps to the front door, it opened, revealing a not-so-happy-looking Beth, who had a look of equal shock (likely at my appearance and smell) and anger on her face. 

“Chase! Where have you been?” she demanded.

“I uh, went out hiking,” I told her. I wasn’t lying; it was the truth, I just hadn’t let her know…I guess I didn’t know I had to. 

“It looks like you had something fun out there,” she told me, halfway sarcastically. 

“Did you even think of letting me know? What about the laundry you left? Did you even consider that? Hmm? Was it just up to me to do your laundry now too?” she raged. 

“Well…I…um…” was all I could sputter at this point. I really had been super inconsiderate, but it wasn’t like she was really my mother; I figured I could come and go as I please, so that’s what I told her. 

“…I thought I could just go and didn’t have to tell you,” I finished, somewhat confidently. My confidence was usually my undoing with some of these. 

“Well it’d be one thing if you didn’t leave me with your soiled bedsheets to clean up, mister, but you did, you left, and…did you do what it smells like you did?” she inquired.

I guess I could have told her I fell in some deer droppings or something, but I didn’t think even they smelled like the sewer I had going on in my pull-up at this point. 

My blushing gave me away, I went to speak, but Beth interrupted.

“You pooped your pants again, didn’t you? And you didn’t even bother to change? I don’t know what’s worse…the fact that you didn’t even bother to go potty like an adult, that you went in your pants, and rolled around in dirt, and then walked all the way back home like that, it’s just…inexplicable!” she was very upset with me. 

She grabbed my hand, “Let’s go inside, we need to get you cleaned up. I guess I’ll be taking care of this like everything else lately.”

I honestly felt terrible. I hadn’t given any thought about my laundry, and really, I’d made a mess of myself and basically everything around it. I resigned myself to whatever fate awaited me. 

Beth drug me by my hand inside and upstairs. She turned on the shower. 

“Take your clothes off,” she instructed me. I pulled them all the way down to the completely destroyed pull-up. 

Beth popped the sides and it made a sickening plop onto the tile floor, revealing a nasty collection of yellow-ish brown mush that had previously been caking my bottom. 

“Now get in,” she opened up the side door and pushed me in, right under some somewhat scalding water. All I could really do was just start sobbing from the embarrassment, the poop being run off my body from the oncoming hot water. I washed my hair, and ran some more water over myself. Finally, I shut the water off, and walked out to find Beth waiting for me with a towel.

“Hon, you’ve made a big mess today, I don’t think that I can trust you effectively right now to take care of things. You not only left some responsibilities, but you also came back a completely dirty mess. I’m going to handle your diapers for now until we figure out what is going on, and well, there’s going to be some new ways of things going on around here, too.”

Bam. Just like that, my freedom had been eroded away into something of more supervision. I really was falling in reverse here. 

Beth wrapped me in the towel and took me back to my room. There was something new sitting on the bed, it looked a little bulkier than the pull-ups I’d been used to wearing. 

“Go lay down on the bed,” Beth informed me.

I wasn’t about to cross her right now; I’d had enough problems. 

She unfolded the item on the bed, laying it out as an hourglass shape. It was a diaper, an honest to god diaper! What was she doing?

I began to object, but was caught off-guard by my ankles being pulled into the air for several seconds, and then plopped down onto a cushiony fabric. 

“Oh honey, you have a bad rash, just wait right here,” Beth told me before she left. 

Here I was laying here, on a diaper, after I’d gone out and pooped my pants. What else was this going to bring?

Beth soon reappeared with a tube of what I assumed was rash cream, and began rubbing it on my bottom. What had previously felt like a slight burning sensation now felt cool. I was glad Beth was here to look at it. After it had been rubbed into my bottom, she pulled the front of the diaper up, taping two tabs on either side. 

“Now, let’s go over a few things,” she told me. 

“I can’t have you being irresponsible around the house. I was willing to give you some leeway with the pull-ups, but you haven’t proven responsible for that. Until we figure out what is going wrong with your bladder and now your bowels, you’re going to be in diapers and I’m going to be taking care of them for you.”

“But..” I tried to interject.

“Look, you’re free to go out and wander around and I can pack all of your stuff up and put them out on the street, you can go find a place and work from there, you’re free to go out peeing your pants on the streets, I don’t care, but as long as you’re here, you have to be in protection, I can’t keep doing this.”

She made a good point and really, where could I go? Back to Honolulu? Alanna was with someone else, probably was at her family’s house, and my student housing was only going to be available starting in August. It’s not like I had any money that I could go out and rent anything with, and really, I didn’t want to go back to my parents. So in spite of my misgivings, I just gave in. 

“Ok, I accept it,” I told her. 
“Since it seems to be so stressful to look for a potty lately, just go in your diapers, and let me know when you do, and I’ll change them for you, please don’t try to do it yourself. HOPEFULLY, we’ll be able to figure a way out of this on Monday,” she told me, “hopefully this will just be a temporary arrangement until then.”

I had so many questions. What if we were out somewhere? What if we were at Dana’s or Megan’s? What about…well, it was just for a day or so, hopefully things would go back to normal soon. 

“Let’s just get a pizza and stay in today, you can go swimming if you like, but let’s just have a quiet day, I’m really tired after the last few days,” Beth told me. 

“Sounds good to me, and Beth?” 

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry to have put you through all of this, I know it’s definitely not what you expected when I came over here and when you invited me,” I told her. 

“Hon, it’s ok, it’s something that’s out of your control, and really, just let me take care of things for a few days, I’ll figure something out.”

She walked out of the room. I sat there in my own sort of shock. I’d really gotten myself into something this time, and I’d hoped that everything would be righting itself soon. 

The rest of the day went well, and was pretty quiet. I went out swimming and had a pretty good day. Beth was true to her word and changed me twice, and during my last one, she told me that she’d ordered a pizza. 

“Don’t bother covering up, it’s probably better that way to see if I need to change you again,” she told me. 

So I went downstairs, clad in a shirt and a diaper. I went to the living room, and sat on the couch. It was actually a nice feeling, the leather was cool on my legs, and it was a really comfortable place to sit. Beth joined me soon after, and we put on the Giants game. It was really cool that Beth was such a baseball fan; it was a surprisingly nice way to move through the night. 

Soon the pizza showed up, and Beth got some plates, and we enjoyed it. Despite the really really rocky start to the day, things were looking up. 

At around 11:30, after the game had ended, and after I’d dozed off, Beth gently woke me and told me that it was time to go to bed. I’d peed in my diaper through the course of the game to the point that I definitely would need a change before the night was over. 
We went upstairs to my room, and Beth told me to sit on the bed. She grabbed a diaper and the box of wipes out of the dresser and went and sat them down next to me. 

“Go ahead and lay back, this will take just a minute, and then we’ll get you off to bed, sound good?”

I nodded. 

She untaped my diaper, and as she wiped me, she looked down with a gentle smile. 

“Hon, I’m sorry I got upset at you today, but it was a lot to take in at once, I hope you understand,” she continued as she kept wiping me, ”I just want to let you know that I really enjoy having you here, and I’m really really glad that you decided to come over here to spend the summer.”

She finished wiping, lifted my bottom and slid a new diaper under me, taping it up, and helping me get covered up, 

“Good night hon, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told me as she threw my old diaper away, turned off the lights and gently closed the door behind her.

I began to drift off. Despite all of the negatives, and despite all of my anxieties, I fell asleep warm and with a smile on my face as a little bit of pee trickled into my diaper. It was nice to feel cared for by someone, even if it was as strange a circumstance as I currently found myself in. I was nervous, yet anxious to see what the next few days would bring. 

Little did I know it would change my life forever. 
 

[SallyKAT]

Great story. Using the first chapter to describe Chase’s permanent babified state was an excellent idea. We now move through the story knowing what Chase doesn’t. 
 

im really looking forward to more of this story.

[syphon]

Good story !

But why didn't he try stopping the juice when he first wet his bed lmao ?

[SallyKAT]

Maybe he is a bit slow to make the connection. 

(Hiya, Syph!)

Sal

[BabyGirlSJ]

I awoke on Monday with the light in my room being turned on. Beth had opened the door, and while I tried to catch my bearings, was opening up my dresser with a new diaper and some wipes. As had typically been, I had wet myself again during the night, and we went through the typical routine of the last few days. Beth set both down on the edge of the bed, as I got out from underneath of the blanket, assuming the position. As she changed me, we talked a bit.

“Well hopefully this is one of the last times this has to happen, I hope we get good news today, don’t you?” she asked me as she wiped.

 

“I’m just tired of the uncertainty,” I told her, “I’m hoping for one concrete answer one way or the other, just to have *something* to go off of.”

 

Beth finished the change, threw the used diaper away and left me to get dressed. The appointment was around 10, so she told me we’d just get something to eat after it, eschewing the usual routine of having breakfast in the morning. She told me we’d go do something fun this afternoon instead of going into work; she’d already informed Megan what was happening today, and apparently Megan was cool with it.

 

I got dressed and headed downstairs. I was thirsty this morning, so I got some more juice out of the fridge and waited to go to my appointment. I figured it’d just end up in my pants anyway, so there was no point in restricting my liquid intake these days, especially in light of Beth’s new edict a few days ago. 

 

It was finally time to go and we got into Beth’s car and headed towards the doctor’s office on the UCSF campus. I guess she was a good friend of Beth’s, and Beth, for her part, promised me that everything would go smoothly and that I didn’t have anything to worry about with the visit, that I was in the “best hands possible,” and that this doctor “really knew her stuff”. It was reassuring I guess, but still, I was reallllly nervous for this whole new undertaking.

 

We drove down to the campus, which was a fairly pretty view from the outside; there were a lot of cool architectural examples of various houses, and we even got to see the fringes of Golden Gate Park. I was nervous, but taking the time to look at things around the city on the way over helped to calm my nerves, at least for only a little bit. The medical center was a series of buildings covered in panes of glass. It was located on a hill overlooking that part of the city, and had an almost aesthetically pleasing, yet very sterile appearance. As a kid, I’d been in hospitals for various aliments, be it pneumonia, staph, or other ailments, and the places I spent time in looked nothing like this, this all looked about 1000 years in the future compared to those places.

 

Beth found a place to park, and soon we were headed inside, winding through a various maze of blank hallways, elevators, before finally reaching our destination, which looked to be another labyrinth of medical facilities behind a series of desks and glass walls.

 

Beth went and checked me in, making whatever payment arrangements were necessary at the time. She came back, bringing me some forms to fill out, all while flashing a somewhat halfway smile, as if to try and assure me that things were going to be ok. She sat down, put her hand on mine, and we started to wait,

 

“Hon, I can wait out here for you, I don’t need to be in there with you, after all, this is a kind of personal thing,” she told me.

 

As nervous as I was, I’ll admit that I really didn’t want to go in alone, so I looked up at her,

 

“I’d actually rather, well, you be in there too, I’m just a giant ball of nerves right now,” I told her.

 

She patted my hand as if to reassure me, “I can do that then.”

 

So we waited a bit. I continued to fill out the forms, which were basically about past medical conditions, current and ongoing ones, family histories, and all of that kind of stuff. I kind of guessed on a few things, as I really didn’t know the answer to them, so I just checked “No” on more than I probably should have. Once I was done, I turned in the forms at the desk, came back and sat next to Beth.

 

Pretty soon, a nurse came out and called my name, I got up to go, and Beth stood up to follow me. The nurse was a middle aged woman, about 5’2’’ and with steely blue eyes.

 

As we got to the entry, I told the nurse that I’d asked Beth to come with me for support, and the nurse seemingly rolled her eyes a bit, but nevertheless led us to the back. The routine things were went through; weight, height, blood pressure, heart rate, and all of that fun stuff. My BP was high, but since I was a ball of anxiety at this point in the day, I wasn’t all that surprised; everything else seemingly checked out well.

 

“It says here you’re in here for bladder incontinence issues?” the nurse asked.

 

I blushed, “Um yeah.”

 

“How long have the issues gone on for?”

 

“Over six months,” I told her, as she jotted it down. She wrote a few more things down, finally completing the battery of forms it seemed like she had to fill out.

 

“Are you doing anything for it?” 

 

“Just wearing protection, I guess,” I told her, somewhat sheepishly. 

 

“Do you mind stripping down to it?” she asked. I complied, probably somewhat reluctantly I guess. One thing was true, this ongoing ordeal and all of the recent events had served to shred any modesty I may have otherwise had before.

 

I had peed a bit in the drive over, and the stripe on the front had discolored just a bit.

 

The nurse took a look, jotted down a few things, and that was that. 

 

Finally she got up, “Dr. Miller will be in here in a few minutes,” she told us before leaving.

 

“Hon, I’ve known Brit a long time, she’s a consummate professional and is really good at her job, you’re in really good hands.”

 

I’ll admit I felt a little awkward sitting there, only in a shirt and diaper. Sure, it’d been my regular bedtime attire for a short time now, but being out somewhere besides Beth’s house? I definitely didn’t feel the most comfortable doing so. I suppose I could have put my pants back on, but if the nurse wanted to see it, I’m sure Dr. Miller would as well, so I decided to keep the pants-off policy going.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, there was finally the tell-tale double knock on the door, and the knob turned to open. I’ll admit that it made me jump a bit, although I know I really didn’t have anything to worry about, it was just a doctor, after all. 

 

Dr. Miller finally emerged. She was about 5’8, black hair, and a slender build, all of which was somewhat obscured by a long white lab coat with “Dr. Miller” on it. She had a smile on her face that diffused any potential tension that might have otherwise been floating around the room. 

 

“Chase?” she asked. 

 

“That’s me,” I told her with some confidence, well, at least as much confidence as someone could have sitting in a wet diaper on an exam table.

 

“Well so nice to meet you, it’s a pity that it’s under these circumstances,” she told me in a light-hearted manner, “and Beth, it’s always good to see you,” she told her, smiling.

 

“You too Brit, I hope you’ve been well,” Beth told her.

 

“It’s always an adventure around here,” Brit told her, hallway laughing, before finally turning her attention to me again.

 

“So what brings you in here today?” she asked. 

 

“I, well, I…” I started.

 

“He’s having bladder issues,” Beth told her, speaking over me and for me. I blushed a little, she took charge so fast, “he’s been wetting the bed, his pants, and everything else, and it’s a little concerning.”

 

“Hmm, I see, and from the looks of it, you’re using protection?” Brit asked me.

 

“Yeah,” I told her, “pretty much around the clock these days.”

 

“How long has this been going on?”

 

“Over six months now,” I told her.

 

“Well, if you’re ok with it, I’m going to run some tests, some are a little invasive, and we’ll see if we can’t tell what’s going on here.”

 

“Sure,” I told her, not really realizing what I’d signed up for, “anything to get some concrete idea of what’s going on.”

 

“I can tell from the line on your protection that you’ve already gone?” she asked.

 

“I, well, I guess I did,” I told her.

 

“Do you know when it’s happening?”

 

“Sometimes, sometimes not,” I told her.

 

“Let’s get you out of that, cleaned up a bit, and we’ll get started on the tests, go ahead and lay back for me,” she instructed.

 

I did as I was told, laying back on the table. Brit untaped my diaper, and using some wipes, cleaned off the urine off of me, rolling up the diaper and tossing it in a trashcan. She then left me laying there, completely naked from the waist down. It was somewhat embarrassing, though it wasn’t anything Beth hadn’t seen, and I’m sure definitely something Brit was used to.

 

“Now then, let’s get started on some tests.”

 

Over what seemed like an eternity, I was subjected to tests, first urine tests, pressure tests, and finally an ultrasound. After what seemed like forever, and something I was never going to get out of, they finally ended.

 

“I’m going to go and get the results,” Brit told us, before leaving. 

 

I was sitting there, bare bottom and all exposed to the world for quite some time. Beth finally noticed; we didn’t really speak.

 

“Hon, let’s get you into something so you don’t make pee pee all over the table and the office, that’d be really embarrassing, don’t you think?”

 

I wasn’t too keen on her using the term “pee pee”, but I did have to agree, it probably was necessary.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Lay down and I’ll put it on you, just to make sure no leaks over everywhere,” she told me.

 

I obediently laid back and watched as Beth pulled a new diaper out from her purse, and walking over to the table. As she approached, she grabbed my ankles and pulled me in the air, taking me by surprise. While my bottom was in the air, Beth unfurled the diaper underneath me, placing it down, and…

 

Knock knock. There was the tell-tale knock again. It must have been Brit back with the results of her tests. She opened the door just as I was being lowered back onto the diaper by Beth, and she taped it up, before smiling at Brit and sitting down herself.

 

“Back in protection, I see,” Brit spoke aloud.

 

“Um, yeah,” I told her. 

 

“Well, I’ve got results here, and though we’ve ruled out anything serious, there are still some things a little concerning.”

 

I got hot, anxiety flowing into me. 

 

“What kind of concerns?” I asked. 

 

“Well, you don’t have anything that would lead me to think that there’s cancer or anything like that, but your bladder muscles, they’re really atrophied,” she told me.

 

“How could that be?” I asked, somewhat flustered. I was only 18! This shouldn’t be happening!

 

“Well, it could be the environment, something going into your body that wasn’t there before, medication mixing wrongly, there are a lot of reasons,” she told me.

 

“I really can’t think of anything off the top of my head that would be different than what I had done before,” I told her, “what can I do about this?”

 

“Well, for one, I’d keep using the protection you’re currently in,” she told me, “there’s pull-up types that might work well, and they’re fairly discreet.”

 

She continued, “Secondly, there are bladder exercises you could try, and could get set up for some physical therapy, some stuff like that.”

 

Most importantly, I asked, “Well, how long is it going to be like this?” 

 

“I’m not really sure, it could be a week, it could be a year, it could be five years,” she told me, “it all depends on how your body reacts, and what, if any, improvements, you may see.”

 

“I’ll set an appointment up for three months from now, and we can check what, if any, progress you’ve made then,” she told me.

 

“I won’t be here, though, I’m only here for the summer,” I told her.

 

“Oh? I thought this was more of a long-term arrangement,” she looked quizzically at Beth, which I found odd, but didn’t think anything of at the time.

 

“Well, when you get back home, go to a doctor there, and you can have my office send all of your records there, and it’ll be all set, sound good?”

 

“That does,” I told her. 

 

“Well, you have a great rest of the day, get set up for PT, and hopefully things work out,” she spoke, almost in a clinical manner.

 

“And Beth, it’s always good to see you, we’ll have to get together soon and catch up, don’t be a stranger!” she smile before leaving, closing the door behind her.

 

Beth looked at me. “Well, we’ll have to go get you some more supplies, and unless you want to be cold, I’d suggest putting your pants back on,” she chuckled.

 

I of course did, not wanting to make a spectacle of myself, and dejectedly followed Beth down the hallway and out to her SUV, waiting for her to unlock it and then getting in.

 

Beth got in, and started the car and then headed out. 

 

“Look hon, this isn’t ideal for anyone, and I know that it’s got to be extra hard on you. I can set up the PT appointments that Brit suggested, and we can move from there,” she told me.

 

“I’m not a baby, Beth, and I don’t want you to have your thoughts on me clouded because of all of this,” I told her.

 

“Of course hon, I know you’re not. Look, if it’s anything, I’ll buy the pull-ups that Brit suggested, and we can go back to those, and you can take care of that all on your own, does that sound good?”

 

At least I had a little independence, I thought. 

 

“Sure, that does,” I told her before continuing, “can you still help me with the ones at bedtime though? I worry that I wet more, and well, I’m willing to sacrifice a little dignity for having to do laundry.”

 

“Sure, I can help with that, but I don’t want to feel like that’s something you need to say, I won’t do it unless you really want,” she told me, “I’m willing to change you all the time if it gets more serious, but only if you request it.”

 

“I’d, well, actually welcome you helping me at bedtime,” I told her.

 

“Well that’s what we’ll do then,” before adding, “You’ve had a really crazy morning, how about we go get some lunch, and we can go out and do something fun like mini-golf?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, that does sound great, actually,” I told her.

 

The rest of the morning and the afternoon went pretty well. We stopped at a Walgreens and Beth bought some more pull-ups, and even let me stay in the car so I wouldn’t get embarrassed. From there, we went to a great pizza place, and split a pepperoni and pepperoncini pizza, where we had an adult conversation that didn’t revolve around diapers, pee pee time, or anything of that nature.

 

“Well hon, I’m thinking we’d better go find that mini-golf course while it’s still nice outside,” Beth announced.

 

“Do you need to go potty before we go?”

 

The truth was, I’d already gone in my diaper from earlier, “Yeah, and I probably need to change while I’m in there,” I told her, trying to keep it down so no one would hear.

 

“Well, let’s get one out of my purse, and you can go take it in there,” she told me, shuffling through her purse, pulling out a pull-up and a pad of wipes, handing them to me.

 

I turned about as red as the pepperoni I’d been eating. “Thanks, I’ll be right back,” I told her, before going in and taking a “walk of shame” with my new status to the bathroom.

 

Going in the bathroom, I wanted to get this done quick, and I managed it. I took it off, wiped myself clean, and pulled on a new one, before depositing the old one in the trash. It was a little inconvenient, but nothing too terrible, and I guess I could probably get used to it. I went outside to find Beth waiting for me, and handed her back the wipes.

 

“All clean and ready for putt-putt?” she asked.

 

“Yep!” I told her, and we went outside.

 

The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful. The mini-golf was actually pretty fun, and it was a fairly competitive game, with Beth winning at the end (“I’m a pro at these things,” she laughed).

 

We went home and Beth unloaded the new things and brought them up to my room, and I took my normal routine of going swimming in the afternoon. Beth made us some spaghetti that night, which was absolutely amazing, and we went and watched TV before Beth announced it was time for bed.

 

I skipped the shower, and went and got on the bed, waiting for the nightly ritual of Beth getting me ready for bed. She appeared soon after, grabbing a diaper and a tub of wipes out of the dresser and setting them on the bed next to me. She had me lay on the bed, carefully popping each side off, before removing it, wiping me down, and then lifting my ankles up before sliding the new diaper under me, and taping it up.

 

“All done and all clean and ready for bed sweetie,” she told me, smiling down on me, “sweet dreams angel.”

 

“Goodnight Beth, and thank you for everything, as strange as these circumstances are,” I told her.

 

“Hon I’ve told you, it’s no problem, I really don’t mind,” she told me, “now go get some sleep, you had a long day,” and turned off the light and closed the door.

 

I got under the blanket, and stared at the ceiling for a little bit, reflecting on just exactly what a crazy day it actually had been. Thankfully it was over, and I could get some sleep. I felt a little pee trickle in my diaper as I dozed off.

 

The next few weeks went pretty well. I got into a routine of changing myself at work, and Beth took care of it at night. We went out and did some stuff after work, caught a few ballgames, and even got to visit Dana and her girls again. Her husband was home, and I tried to keep my bathroom status as low-key as possible, trying to fit in by talking sports and the like. All in all, it was a pretty good time.

 

Unfortunately for me, these good times were coming to an end. In the coming weeks, tragedy struck. 

 

[alf852]

Ahoj jeto pěkný a doufám že budeš pokračovat?

[BabyGirlSJ]

I apologize for the delay; I've just been doing a thousand different things while also hitting writer's block. I finally have a way forward, and expect more in the coming days!

XI

TWO WEEKS LATER

Things had been moving pretty well, I’d settled into a routine and I really couldn’t complain about anything. I’d get changed by Beth once at night, wake up, change myself, go to work, we’d come home to swim, dinner, watch baseball, and I’d get changed for bed again. 

One morning though,  I woke up to find Beth coming in as white as a ghost. 

“Hon, I’ve got some really bad news to tell you,” she told me, “It’s your parents, they’ve been killed in a car accident.”

I was really taken aback. “What? How?” 

“Apparently, it happened a month ago, they’ve already had the funeral and everything. They didn’t know where to find you at, and it took your friend Alanna calling me up last night after you’d gone to bed to tell me what had happened. I’m so very sorry hon, I’m so very sorry.”

I was in total shock. Sure, we weren’t that close, but I never really wanted anything terrible to happen to them, either. I always thought I’d be able to go back home and visit, even if it wasn’t this summer. I was looking forward to the holidays, or some other occasion. 

What was I going to do? I really didn’t have closure; they’d already had the funeral, and everything was probably gone from their house, and well, I just didn’t know.

I did what I thought was natural. I just sat and cried. I had no idea what I’d do next. 

The days following the grim news from Beth really sent me into a tail spin, and really, I had absolutely no closure from it at all. I’d gotten some property out of the whole thing, but it wasn’t anything that I really wanted, and was held up in a trust. In real ways, I was very depressed. Things just seemed to get worse and worse. I wasn’t making any progress in the potty training department, and if anything, things had just spun backwards. My work was suffering from my lost mindset. 

Finally, Beth had enough (and really who could blame her?). At the end of one day, while she helped me put on a diaper for bed, she broached the subject. She’d given me some space up until that point, but I guess everyone has a breaking point when they feel like they have to do something, at least say something. 

As she taped the diaper up, she began to speak in that sultry drawl of hers. 

“Hon, we really need to get you some help, it’s normal to go through grief, but you’re really taking this hard. I hope you didn’t mind, but I’ve gone ahead and made you an appointment with a therapist.”

I was a bit taken aback, if we were being completely honest, but I guess not altogether surprised. The time had become a blur of sadness and listlessness. I never really was especially close with my parents, but I guess I took them a little for granted, and now that they were gone, well, I was really lost from the whole thing. 

“Uh ok,” was all that I could respond. 

“I’m going to bring you over there tomorrow, let’s hope that we can help you feel better,” she told me, before patting my bottom and pulling the blanket up. 

“G’night hon,” she told me as she left the room, turning out the light. 

I drifted off into a somewhat listless haze, really unsure of what was going to come next. 
We drove off to a fairly non-descript midrise office building on the south end of town. There was a distinct line of signs that almost exclusively gave away the aura of some sort of office building housing professionals. If it wasn’t counselors or psychologists, it was an attorney or a dentist; well, you get the point. The building was one of these; it was a typical midrise of the time. There was a dearth of windows on the inside, and the air smelled of a decaying carcass mixed with some cheap dollar store perfume. The carpet was faded, as if calling back to spruced-up prior occasions that may have permeated that particular instance the universe called back on itself. 

In any case, it was a building. There was a counselor inside that Beth had made me an appointment with. I was really nervous; what if this person went and aired my dirty laundry out with everyone who wanted to know? What if my life was that twisted that I found myself here. 

We walked up the stairs a few flights, and finally got to a hallway, as we walked down, the floor was dotted with some office buildings that generally looked to be either more counseling services, or college outreach offices. The same smell from the lobby was permeating this area too. I guess there wasn’t much I could actually do about that, I was still nervous about the trip to this office though. 

Finally, after what seemed forever, but was probably actually just a few dozen feet, we got to an office behind iced glass. Beth opened the door, holding it open for me, before following me in. There was a cowbell on the door as if to signify to the office holder that there were people in this waiting room. The room had a very relaxed ambiance, with warm-colored paints on the walls. There was incense on a table in the corner, which also featured a dimly colored lamp that lit the room. There was a nice selection of National Geographics on the table, one of which I took a feigned interest in. Beth sat next to me, patting me on the knee the whole time. 

“Do you need to change your pants before you go in?” she asked, patting her purse as if to suggest me changing my diaper. 

I blushed, “Um, no, I don’t.”

As strange as this would have been to me a few weeks ago, with the recent funk I’d found myself in after hearing about my parents, it had become more and more commonplace. I’d been wetting my pull-ups more frequently than I’d have hoped, but I thought I was keeping that fairly discreet from Beth. She had been buying them though, so either she noticed in the trash, or noticed when it came time to restock. In any case, she’d found it a bit concerning, and told me to make sure and mention it to the therapist. 

After a bit of time had passed, I heard the door knob begin to turn and open up. Emerging from the office was an Amazon of a woman, clothed in very professional dress except for a jean jacket that signified some sort of rebellion against something, I surmised. She had very bright eyes and a very warm, welcoming smile. She took her hand out and offered it to me, 

“Hi there, I’m Denise,” she told me, “and you must be….Chase?”

“That’s me,” I told her, “and this is Beth,” I added. 

“Oh we spoke on the phone, it’s always nice to put a face to a voice,” she told Beth.

“Likewise,” said Beth. 

“Well shall we go in?” Denise asked, motioning in the door.

“Sounds good,” I followed her in. Beth waited outside. 

The actual space itself was pretty cozy. There was a couch, two chairs, and a desk with a computer at it, with a giant window on one side opening out and looking at the rest of the town. I sat down and took a seat; Denise offered me a bottle of water, which I accepted, and then sat down on a chair opposite of me. 

“Shall we get started?” she asked. 

So we did. It was an hour that went by entirely too fast. 

In that first hour, I did a few things with Denise. First, I kind of explained why I was here in the office, sitting in this chair. I had problems, real emotional problems that I was having trouble getting over. I talked a little about my (lack of) bathroom habits, and worried that it had tied into stress. I mentioned the diapers, too, of course, as the method I was using to work on them. It wasn’t a long discussion, but it was a bit of a poignant one. Next,  I briefly touched on a few of the things that had gone on in my life. There was the strange times growing up where I really never fit in, nor did I feel like I was ever really a part of my family. I really wanted to get to more, but with the time allotted, I could only briefly make it out of just an early part of my knowledge on life. My really somewhat distanced relationship with my now-deceased parents, my lack of a support system. Before I knew it, the time was up. In many ways, though, I felt relieved. 

At the end of our conversation that day, Denise stood up, and suggested that we talk more. She made another appointment for the next week. I walked outside to find Beth waiting in the lobby. 

“Shall we go?” she asked. I nodded. 

We walked out to her car, and as I sat down in the front seat, I started crying. They were a mix of tears of sadness, but also tears of joy. I felt a little liberated that day. 

“What’s wrong hon?” Beth asked. 

“Well, I, um, well, I just want to tell you, thank you, thank you for taking me in, thank you for supporting me, and thank you for not judging me, and thank you for getting me some help,” I blubbered, almost incoherently. 

She said nothing, but reached over and held me for what seemed like a long time, but was probably just a few seconds. 

“Hon, it’s my pleasure, you always struck me, even from some of our first interactions, as someone who was searching, and who just needed someone,” she told me, “I’m more than happy to get you all the help you need, and I’ll always be here, even when you go back to school, you don’t have to worry about me leaving your life.”

It was almost reassuring, I felt like I’d finally made a genuine connection for the first time in my life. Summer was running out, and would be over soon, I thought. I really didn’t want to leave, but all good things would have to come to an end, but it was still about a month away, I wanted to be able to take it all in. 

Beth put the car into gear and we drove home. The night was rather non-existent. We had some takeout, Beth worked on some stuff, and I watched a little TV. Nothing too crazy had happened. 

That night when it was time for bed, and Beth had finished changing me into my night-time diaper, she smiled at me, kissing me on the forehead. 

“Hon, I love you, and I hope that you’ll be in my life for a long time. I don’t know what else to say, but it feels like you’re almost a second child to me at this point. I’ll always be an advocate, and always will be a support system for you when you need it.” 

She pulled up my blanket over me, before throwing my wet pull-up away, and turned out the light before closing the door. 

I sat there, and for the first time in a long time, I smiled. At least I had someone who cared, even as strange as this situation almost lent itself to being. 

The next few weeks went by pretty fast. I had a juggle of a time with work, counseling appointments, and everything in-between. It was almost a blur, but I guess it wasn’t like anything terrible had happened. 

My counseling sessions were really helping me out of my shell, and for that, I was really grateful. I had a lot of unexplored issues that I’d always really thought about, but had never had anyone to really talk to about. There was the wetting of course, but I had a lot of issues with things in my own life, things I’d hidden away from a lot of people, and really, a lot of stuff that more or less led me to being a broken individual inside. I managed to keep it together well, of course, but I was a lot of things that I just always kind of repressed. One of the things was the fact that I felt like I’d never been attached to a parent, and that most of my childhood had passed me by without hitting any real milestones, or experiencing things like my peers did. I always felt left out or jealous when I’d see my friends doing things with their family taking an interest in them. Mine never did. 

Another one of them was, well, my gender identity. Talking to Denise about it was the first time that I’d told anyone about it, other than typing it out on a computer to myself, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. 

Part of never fitting in was the fact that I was, really uncomfortable in my own shell. Growing up in a rural place as a male, it was hard. I had all of these expectations. To play sports, to be an adrenaline junkie, to drink hard amounts of nasty liquor like whiskey, and all sorts of stuff in between. Outside of the adrenaline part, none of it really fit me. Growing up, I liked, well, girly things, but I could never talk about them with anyone, because I’d get castigated and have a bunch of nasty names tossed my way. I’d always wished that I was actually born a girl, and would listen intently when my parents would talk about what they had planned on naming me had I been born a girl. Generally it was a passing thought, but I clung to it for dear life when I would hear it, and would then try to not be conspicuous, always looking for some sort of opening to bring it back up. I wanted the dresses, the Barbies, everything about it, but well, I never could, and if I ever brought It up to anyone I was “close” to, I’d either be laughed at, or shouted down. It wasn’t a good situation. 

This time though, was different. This was a venue where I actually finally felt comfortable talking about those feelings, and even then, I had to actually build on my trust issues in order to actually sharing these sorts of things; I was finally getting at some real center of me that had remained unrevealed for basically the entirety of my life. It was liberating. I often spoke of these thoughts, and would talk about what I was going through. Denise brought up terms like “transition,” “reassignment surgery,” “hormones,” and stuff like that, things I’d honestly never heard of to that point. It was a different thing for me, but a good different. I felt like I was really getting the help that I needed. 

We’d talk about Beth, and my relationship with her. I considered her a sort of a surrogate mother at this point, who had taken me in, me who was basically an orphan. I felt like I owed a lot to her, and if anything, she had become a rock to me over the course of this summer. I could never really bring myself to sharing with her what I’d talked to Denise about in these sessions, only that I’d felt better after talking with her, and that things were moving in a great pace. No use in burdening her with my own issues, I’d always thought. 

A lot of this was all pouring out like words into a paper cup, like the lyrics in Across the Universe. I was going across my own universe during these sessions, and I really felt the better for them. 

At the latest time, after another in-depth discussion with Denise, she looked at me and told me that she’d been thinking about my case. 

“Chase, I really have an idea for you, and it might sound a little unorthodox,” she told me. 

“What is it?” I asked, somewhat curiously. 

“Well, it’s something that’s called regression therapy, but not in the usual sense,” she told me before continuing, “It’s basically being able to re-experience things again, or maybe in your case, actually experiencing things that you may have missed out on.”

“It’s different, but I’ve been working on it with a colleague of mine for some time now, and you seem like the perfect candidate for it. Since I think that it would almost be too daunting to put you as an in-patient, it’s something that we’d need to bring someone in on, like Beth, for instance,” she told me.

“Can’t you just call her and talk to her about it?” I asked, almost incredulously. 

“Well, no, not really, it’s something that you’d have to discuss with her, I actually can’t, because of patient confidentiality,” she continued. 

“Well, I um, I don’t know the particulars, and I’ll be honest, I’d be a little scared talking to her about it,” I told Denise. 

“Ok, well look, would you want me to tlak to her about it? She’s right out in the lobby isn’t she? She always brings you here, right?”

“Yeah, she’s out there.”

“If you really want to do the therapy, and you want me to bring her in on it, well, you’d need to sign a consent form allowing me to talk about all the particulars with it. Is there anything else you’d like me to tell her?”

“Everything. Just tell her everything.”

“Ok, then, so you’ll do the therapy?”

“Yes. Yes. I’ll do it. If you think it’ll help, I’ll do it.” I told her. 

“Alrighty then, I’ll need you to sign a consent form, and we’ll get this ball rolling,” Denise told me in a warm tone. 

As I sat there signing my name, there were a bunch of things rolling through my head, impactful things, but also impactful things that were almost fleeting. Regression Therapy. I guess that didn’t sound half bad; my life had hit a real dead end. Other than my internship, what did I really have to look forward to? Alanna had a boyfriend, my parents were both dead. Did I really have anything to look forward to, as in, at all? Or was it just a desperate exercise in pretending that I actually mattered, and actually was cared about by someone? Who knew, if you’re keeping score at home. 

What was it going to entail? Was it something that I really wanted? Should I at least think through any potential consequences? I could just go back to the islands and pretend this all never happened, that might be great, right? I made up my mind, I knew at that moment what I was going to do. 

I went and signed a consent form allowing Denise to share what she and I had talked about with Beth. Once I signed my name away, I handed it back to Denise, who barely gave me a glance. In a clinical manner, Denise wrote a few things down, “Ok then, let me go and grab Beth. Do you want to be here when I talk to her?”

“No, I’ll just wait outside,” I told her.

I walked out, and Beth was waiting there. “Beth,” I started, “I’ve decided to get some real help, and well, Denise needs to talk to you about it. 

“That’s wonderful hon, I’ll go inside and talk to her, if you don’t mind waiting outside in one of these chairs,” she told me gently. 

“No, I don’t mind, she’s going to share a lot about what she and I have been talking about, and she thinks it’ll be really helpful,” I told her. I went and plopped down in one of the comfy chairs outside while Beth went into the room I’d just emerged out of. 

Sitting outside in the chair,  I have to admit that I found this all to be a bit odd, that I really didn’t know what I was doing, but that was almost fleeting;  I guess I didn’t think much about it. The gravity of the situation started to hit me a bit, but it didn’t seem that real to me. I wondered just what I’d agreed to, and to what ends it would actually be accomplished. The door opened, revealing Beth, who motioned me in. 

“C’mon in hon, we have a lot to discuss,” she told me. I obediently followed. 

As I would find out in the coming days, things were going to get to be really different, and there were going to be some drastic changes ahead. 
 
 

[BabyGirlSJ]

This is really the finish of Act I, but not to worry, the story isn't ending with this, there's still A LOT more to come! I hope you all are enjoying it!

XII. 

I followed Beth into Denise’s counseling space where Denise were currently sitting. As I walked in, Denise motioned over to an empty chair that sat somewhere near the corner of the room. 

“C’mon in Chase,” Denise waved me over, “we’ve got a lot to go over and unpack here.”

 I nodded in her direction, sat in the empty corner chair, while Beth and went and (I’d assume) sat where she’d been sitting before. 

“Now let’s get down to basics,” Denise told me, continuing, “I’ve filled Beth in on the important parts of what we’ve talked about: the missing out, the gender dysphoria, the anxiety, and anything that might be important for her to know.”

“Um, well, sorry Beth, I’m sure that was a lot to take in for such a short basis, I really hope that I, uh, didn’t burden you with anything.”

Beth looked at me, “Nonsense hon! I’m glad that you felt comfortable having Denise share everything with me that you’ve talked about; it really takes some gusto to want to do that, and I’m really proud of you, and very honored that you’d want me to actually know about it.”

I blushed a bit, “Well thank you, I probably would have told you sooner or later, but I’m just such a scaredy cat at times that I thought it might be better to have someone else do my dirty work.”

Beth waved me off in a sort of playful way. “Hon, from the sounds of things, you’ve really gone through a lot, and I want to be here for you to help, in any way. If that means a more permanent living arrangement, it might be an adjustment for everyone, including my daughter Samantha, but that’s a me problem, not a you problem.”

I gulped. More permanent living arrangement? What was going on here? I thought this might just be an outpatient thing that I could work on; like I said, I really didn’t give any thought to this before agreeing to it. It really looked like I might be in for more than I bargained for. Oh well, I’d gone this far, what was a little more? I probably could just take classes and do counseling, and then just go back when I felt ready for it.  Yeah, that must be it. 

So I decided to ask. “What do you mean by, ‘more permanent living arrangement’?” 

Denise interjected, “well, I’m happy you asked, I was just going to get to that and explain everything that we’ve been talking about.”

“Ok, go on,” I responded. 

“Well then, let’s get down to it all, shall we? You’ve gone ahead and agreed to receiving this regression therapy, and it’s really something that we’ve decided, as apart of your life experiences, that might be beneficial, correct?” Denise asked.

“Y-yeah,” was about all that I could muster “what is in store for it? Is it just kind of a check-in, check-out type of thing, that I keep in contact with you?” 

“Um no, not exactly, it’s a bit more, how can I put this, immersive?” Denise told me. 

She then continued, “Well, what it really entails is, ‘starting over’.”

“Starting over? What does that mean?” I asked.

“Exactly like it sounds, Chase, you’d be starting over, like a baby, and you’d be re-raised, assuming you hit the requisite milestones, you’ll move through things, hopefully feeling more fulfilled than you do now,” Denise explained. 

It sounded strange to me, but I guess it was what I had agreed to. “So is it just like taking classes or something?” I asked, rather dumbfoundedly. 

“No, it’s what I explained. You’ll be, for all intents and purposes, treated as a baby, likely as a newborn, but your caregiver can adjust it up or down, depending on their preferences.”

“Caregiver?”

“I’ve spoken to Beth, and she’s agreed to take on that part, it sounds like she’s already been taking care of your diapering as it stands now in some way, so it’s not a complete out-of-left-field request here,” Denise told me. 

I looked at Beth rather incredulously, “Really?”

“Yes hon, like I’ve told you, I’ve already been a mom for quite a while now, and a ‘new’ baby isn’t going to upend too much,” Beth told me rather confidently. 

“But what about work? School? Everything else?” I went back to Denise. 

“Well, they’re probably things that you won’t be ready or willing to continue doing at this point, and you’re going to have to…adjust to this all,” Denise told me. 

I looked again at Beth, as if she could read my thoughts, she responded. 

“Hon, I’ll talk to Megan and get you out of things at work. Since we’re going to need to get you 24/7 care for the time being, I’ll have to find you a babysitter for when I’m at work, I have a lot going on there, and I can’t just be feeding bottles and changing diapers all day,” she told me. 

I could only nod. Bottles? Diaper changes all day? Things really were going to be a lot different. 

“There’s also the issue about your gender dysphoria,” Denise spoke up before continuing, “you’ve spoken about feeling off about being stuck in the wrong body, and I guess the question is, would you want to re-experience things as a girl rather than as a boy?”

I thought about things for what seemed like an eternity. “Um, yeah, I guess so. I did always wonder what it would be like, and well, I think that it might really help me,” I told them both. 

“Well hon, I’ve already been raising one daughter, to be honest, a second daughter wouldn’t be that much harder. I’ve got a lot of Samantha’s old stuff out in the garage, and we can see if there’s anything to work with out of that. What I don’t have we can go ahead and buy, no problem,” Beth smiled a toothy grin. 

“So finishing this all up, Chase, you’ll be re-raised as a female infant, and you’ll be experiencing it all over again. You’ll be in diapers all day, which you’ll be using, you’ll be drinking bottles, eating baby food, and you’ll be generally expected to live like a little baby girl generally should be expected to. At some point, you’ll likely be ‘leveled-up’, and can move on from there. I can have you see an endocrinologist to be put on meds to start transitioning, if that’s something you wish, and we can move on from there. I’ll keep in track with Beth charting your progress and we can even have office visits here.” Denise told me, before finishing, “Is that what you want?”

What could I say? I had nothing left to really hope for. I could go home, but I’d be a distant stranger. I could go back out to Hawaii and wander aimlessly, unhappy, and depressed, or I could stay here and just try something completely new and exciting. I had my answer.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it now,” I told them, “I’ll do it.”

“Well then, I’m sure that you’ll have a lot to get going. I’ll put a referral into the endocrinologist, and you should expect to see her in about a week or so. In the meantime, I’ll let you and Beth go; I’m sure you’ve got a lot to work out,” Denise smiled at us both. 

“Yes, yes we will,” Beth told her, before reaching for my hand. “Let’s go hon, we’ve got to go run quite a few errands this afternoon.”

I grabbed her hand, gulped, and followed her out. “Thanks for everything Denise,” I told Denise as we left. 

“My pleasure, I hope it all really works out for you! See you soon!” she told me back. 

I followed Beth out to the car, wondering what, exactly, was going to happen next. 

We got into the car, and didn’t say anything for a bit. Finally, Beth spoke up. 

“Hon, if we’re going to do this right like Denise has talked about, we’re going to have to get started right away. So we’re going to have to go buy some stuff, set some stuff up, and come up with a game plan for what we’re going to be doing with your care,” she told me. 

“Beth, I’m sorry about this, I really don’t want to be a burden on you, I don’t think you expected getting another baby when today started,” I told her, rather ashamedly.

“Oh hon,” she said chuckling, “I’ve told you, I want to be your support system, and if we’re being honest, I don’t mind doing it, I’ve always wanted another baby with Samantha getting older, and well, I kind of figured something like this might be coming with you.”

“You did?”

“Well, at least the diaper part, I’ve noticed how many you’ve been going through, and I figured we might need to have a talk, and luckily, Denise has done that all for us!” she chuckled again. 

“Let’s go buy you some more of those, and we’re going to need a diaper bag, some bottles, pacifiers, toys, and everything else that you might need. I think I’ll need to specially order you furniture for the house, same with your clothes; I don’t think that most places will have a crib or changing tables in your size.”

“Ok, sounds good to me,” was all I could say. What could I say? It was all a lot to take in, and really, my brain was scrambled in a sea of crazy thoughts at this point. 

We drove a bit before finally stopping at a Buy Buy Baby store, I think we were in Pleasant Hill. 

“I used to come to this store when Samantha was little, and I’ve bought a ton of stuff here for my sister Claudia’s girls when they were small, too. It’s a great store.”

“Before we go in though, boy or girl?”

“Girl, I want to be a girl.”

“Hon, I have to tell you, I am so proud of you for being so courageous, and actually following your dreams to be who you want to be. It just doesn’t happen enough in this world, and frankly, it needs more people like you, and it would be a much better place. I’m going to make you have the best life possible.”

“Thank you so much, it means so much to me,” was all I could say. I was never much for conversation unless I was high, and well, I wasn’t high here. Definitely on a strange high, but not a drug-induced one. From the looks of it, those days were going to be long behind me. 
It was a giant storefront, and we went in. The store looked like a Bed Bath and Beyond for baby supplies. It was quite impressive. 

There was a lot that I had to take in. I’d never been around kids before, had no little baby cousins, or siblings of my own, and all I knew was from odds and ends I’d seen around. I figured Beth probably knew her way around these things though, judging from her earlier comments. 

“Let’s grab a cart and start shopping, shall we?”

So off we went. This first encounter was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever been a part of. Making it worse was the fact that I was the subject of it. 

Beth looked at me, “Hon, we have you in pull-ups now, but if you’re going to be using them for everything all of the time, we’re going to be needing a bigger diaper for you,  and I’m not sure if they have them here. I’ve been buying some ones at Walgreens, but they just don’t have them in the amount that we need.”

“So what are you going to do?” I asked, a little pee trickling into my pull-up I currently had on. 

“I’m going to ask. I can probably order them for you, but if you’re going to be starting this right away, we’re going to need them soon,” Beth told me. 

With that in mind, we marched off to the counter, where a sales associate was standing. She was about average build, had brown hair and must have been in her 30s. 

“Welcome to Buy Buy Baby, how can I help you today?” the associate asked. Her name tag read “Jamie”.

“Well Jamie, I was wondering where your diapers were,” Beth told her.

“They’re all in the back corner, over there,” Jamie told her, pointing in a direction.

“Well, I need them for a bit of a bigger baby, namely, this one here,” she told Jamie. 

I turned about ten shades of crimson at that point. 

“Hmm, well, we do have diapers for older children, do you know what his waist size is?” Jamie asked.

“It’s a 28,” I told them, rather embarrassed. 

“Well if that’s the case, we do have a product that you might like, it’s for larger children, and fits up to a 32’’ waist,” Jamie told us. 

“Are they in stock?” Beth asked.

“Yes absolutely, how many are you looking for? We have 120 to a case,” Jamie told us, “and we have several cases.”

“Well, let’s take 3 cases for right now. Can I order more as this one goes through them?” Beth asked.

“Yes, absolutely, we can put you on a order service that can be set by the amount or time, or both, depending on your preferences,” Jamie explained. “I’ll just need to have you fill out something.”

“Let’s see how these work, and if they’re a good fit, we’ll go from there, does that work?” Beth asked. 

“Yes we can. We can set it up at anytime,” Jamie told her.

“Let’s go get what you have,” Beth told her.

So off we went. We went to the back, locating the diapers that Jamie had told us about up front. It said something about being extra absorbent for even the heaviest uses on the front, and had a bunch of (I guess) cute designs and pictures on the front. On the back of the box was a diagram of the diaper, spelling out all of the relevant features, like elastic legholes, wetness indicators, and other things. 

“Go ahead and grab three, hon, and put them in my cart,” Beth told me, “these are going to be yours now.”

I did as I was told. I went and grabbed three of them and put them in the cart. 

The last of the time in the store was used up by grabbing several cases of baby wipes (“for all of your messes in your diapers and otherwise”), powder and oils, some toys, and other assorted things. I’d never realized so much went into baby shopping, but then again, it was a concept that I was generally foreign to. Lastly, we went to the section for where they had the diaper bags at. 

As with anything else in this store, there was a whole host of selection for diaper bags. I’d never seen such a selection; it really looked like a handbag selection you’d see at Macy’s. There were pink ones, there were cartoon character ones from Disney; basically, if you wanted a diaper bag, they probably had one that you’d want. 

Technically, they were for my diapers, but this was all in Beth’s court. She looked over a few before finally settling on one that looked more like a bookbag you might see at a college than anything. It was olive green, had a big compartment on the back, and had two straps to wear like a backpack. Very stylish, I thought to myself. Beth never lacked in style though, so I guess I wasn’t altogether surprised. 

“I think this one is nice, don’t you?” Beth asked me.

“Y-yeah, it’s great,” I told her.

“It even has a changing pad in case we’re out and you go!” she added. She almost seemed too excited about all of this. I guess she really did want a new baby. I could think of a lot of things that I wanted in my life, but I didn’t think that I’d ever want to take in an adult who peed and pooped their pants uncontrollably. Different strokes, I guess. 

Pretty soon, we’d tracked down (well, Beth had tracked down) everything that she felt like she needed for the initial start of this. She took it all to the front and another sales associate rang us up. 

“Got a new baby on the way, do we?” the man asked. 

“You could say that,” Beth told him, not really adding anymore. 

Soon, it was all rang up, Beth paid for it, and we took it out to Beth’s SUV. She grabbed the front of my pull-up, jolting me a bit. “Hmmm, not too wet yet, you don’t need to be changed,” she announced. There was a few people outside, but if they noticed, they didn’t really care, as no one really looked nor said anything. 

I helped her load my stuff into the car, and off we went. We drove home, making some small talk on the way back home. I figured the real nuts and bolts were going to happen when we made it back to the house. 

We finally made it back to the house, Bay Area traffic wasn’t for the faint of heart. 

“Why don’t you help me bring this all in, and we’ll put it in your room, and we can sit down and talk, does that sound ok?” Beth asked me. 

“Of course,” I told her, “Do you want me to take anything out?”

“No, just leave it there, I’ll take care of it,” she told me. 

We got into the house, and she opened the car door, and we made a few trips up the stairs, finally getting everything out. Beth took the diaper bag to her room, and all the rest was in my room pretty much. 

“Ok, now that it’s all up here, let’s go downstairs to the living room, and we can talk a bit.”

I had peed quite a bit on all of our trips today, I figured now was as good a time as any to ask for a change.

“Um Beth, before we go downstairs, I need to change my pull-up.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Beth told me, “this isn’t going to be a *you* job anymore, go ahead and lay down on your bed.”

I did as she asked, and she went over to the dresser and grabbed a diaper and some wipes out. 

“Hon, I know you’ve been in pull-ups for a bit of time, but they aren’t going to be completely appropriate from now on, they just don’t hold enough, so we’re going to give them away, or put them in storage for a time when you’ll be re-potty trained,” she told me. 

“Uh ok,” I told her. Like I said, I really wasn’t much for words. 

She pulled down my pants, revealing the soaked pull-up. She quickly tore each side, before tapping my leg to lift up. I lifted up, and she pulled the used pull-up out from underneath me, before using a baby wipe to wipe all of the areas that had been previously covered by the pull-up. In one swift motion, she pulled the diaper out, spread the back open, and put it underneath of me, before instructing me to sit down on it. Once that had happened, she pulled the front up, and taped each side securely. 

“Being that you’re going to need to be checked fairly often, I’m not going to put any pants on you at home, it’s easier to see the strip and just to check if you need changing, so you’ll be pantsless around the house,” she told me. 

I could see that things really were going to be a lot different. 

“Now then, let’s go down and discuss how things are going to work out, shall we?” 

I followed her downstairs and into the living room, before finally coming into a settle on one of her leather furniture pieces. I had to admit, it was a different feeling being in just a diaper on  here; the leather was almost cool to the touch. It kind of felt nice. 

Beth sat on a chair to the opposite of me. “Well, we have a lot to discuss, don’t we?”

“Y-yes,” I told her.

“Let’s go over the basics here. I’m honored that you let me into your life, and I’m honored that I get to be the one to help you. I’m a big believer in the fact that things don’t happen by chance or by accident, and I think we’re in each other’s lives for a reason.”

She continued, “So let’s talk about what ‘all this’ is going to entail.” 

“First, for this to work, you’re going to have to be able to buy-in. This isn’t going to be a convenient do it now, stop later, type of thing. This is a one-way street, and one that you’ll be fully committed to. I’m fully committing to it, and I expect you to do the same.”

“As I’ve said before, things are going to be changing for you, and in drastic ways. You won’t be coming to work anymore, I’ll talk to Megan about that tonight. I have a lot of arrangements to make, not least of what I’m going to do with you now that you won’t be coming to work.”

“I’m sure that I can ask Dana to watch you; you know both of her little girls, and I don’t think she’d mind, but I’m not entirely sure. If not, I know a few others that might be able to take you, but I’ll figure something out, that’s not your problem, that’s mine. It’ll all work out.”

“Now then, what can you expect? First, if this is to work, and you’re going to be back re-visiting babyhood, I want to be your Mommy. As such, I need to be referred to as ‘Mommy,’ ‘Mama’, or something similar.

Next, you’re going to be back in diapers 24/7 and will be expected to use them for the expected purpose. You will not change yourself, you will be given regular diaper checks and changed at my (or whoever is watching you’s) convenience. It’s likely that you won’t be out of diapers for a good long time, so you’d better get used to them for your foreseeable future. The only time that you can expect to use the bathroom is when you’re getting a bath, otherwise, it’s just not going to happen. 

I’m not too keen on making you a newborn, I’d prefer a little older, so you will be regressed to the level of an 9 month old and will be expected to act accordingly. This is in all sincerity, a one way trip. This means you will be under a constant supervision of an adult, and if I’m at work or out doing adult things, you will have a babysitter, who might be Dana, it might be Samantha, it might be Megan even, but you will never be by yourself, you’ll always have someone watching you.

As for other baby stuff, you will be eating baby food, drinking from a bottle for now, and possibly breast milk in the future. You will not speak like an adult, and may only use baby talk. If you need me, you can call for Mommy or Mama, or even Samantha, who will be your big sister.”

Samantha. I hadn’t met her yet, but Mommy had mentioned her quite a bit, and had talked to her on the phone. I really hoped that we’d get along, but it seemed like it might be a strange situation. 

“Does she know?” I asked.

“No, not yet, this is all so recent. I’ll call her and talk to her, and also will have to reassure her dad that there aren’t any strange and bizarre things going on here. It’ll all work out, you’ve got nothing to worry about except looking cute.”

I blushed.

“Now, you’ve discussed with me and Denise that you want to transition into a female, and that’s going to be an adjustment all on its own. I’ll talk with Brit and we can see if we can get you on some medication; maybe we can get you in next week.”

“That sounds good, thank you,” I told Mommy.

“Mmmhmmm. Now hon, have you thought of a name? Do you want to still be Chase, or do you want something more…girly?”

“Well, I had a name in mind, one that’s always stuck with me,”  I told Mommy. 

“And what name is that?” Mommy asked, rather curiously. 

“Jaclyn, I’d like to be called…Jaclyn,” I told her.

“Well that’s just a pretty name. Can I pick your middle name?” she asked.

“Sure!” I told her, excited that she’d approved of my name.

“Claire, I want your middle name to be Claire,” she told me, “I always thought that if I had another daughter, I’d name her Claire, and well, I guess this is as good as that.”

“Sounds great!” that was about all I could say. 

“Well Jaclyn, it’s been a long day, how about we go get you some food, and then go pick you out some cute clothes and some other stuff to order?”

“Alright Mommy!” 

And with that, Mommy held her hand out to me, and we walked to the kitchen. This was the start of something new, something different, and while I was still nervous as all hell about it, it was definitely something to look forward to. I couldn’t wait to see what came next. 
 

[BobbyDrago]

Love it absolutely love it

[BabyGirlSJ]

XIII.

It was at this moment just how much I realized things were changing. Here I was, walking into Beth...I mean Mommy’s kitchen, clad in only a t-shirt and a diaper, along with some fuzzy pink socks. It was a little cold, but nothing terrible, and I guess it was something that I’d better be getting used to. 

“Now hon, I don’t have a high chair yet, that’s another thing we’ll have to be ordering, so why don’t you just go ahead and sit out in the dining room? I’ll be out in just a second with your food.”

“Ok, I’ll be there,” I told her. 

So I waited. In the midst of my waiting, I began to get lost in my thoughts. This was all really overwhelming for me. I’d agreed to this, sure, but I guess I wasn’t altogether prepared for the massive changes that were taking place. Yesterday, I was employed as an intern, was a college student, and now, I’m sitting here in a shirt and a diaper, waiting for a woman I’d met on the Internet that I was now to call “Mommy”, bringing me food to eat. It was all really strange, and I didn’t know how I’d gotten to this point. It couldn’t be worse or any stranger than the rest of my life had been to this point, but still, I couldn’t help but think about how strange it was. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a blender, followed by a few more things. I wondered what was going on. My thoughts were soon answered, as Mommy reappeared carrying a bowl and what looked to be a baby’s bottle. 

“Ok hon, here’s a puree that I’ve made. I’m not a big fan of the processed baby food, and I never used it for Samantha, so I’m not going to start with you. There are just so many potential issues I feel like, and I figure you might want to be eating what I eat, albeit in a different form, so here it is. I’ve made you a mix of vegetables and rice, all blended up. You’ll have milk in this bottle to drink, too.”

I began to object, “But..”

“But nothing Jaclyn, you’re going to be eating this, or else you’ll have nothing else. You’ve agreed to this, and part of it is me choosing how and what you’ll be eating, no if’s and’s, or definitely, but’s about it.”

I sighed. She was right I guess. 

“Now let’s eat, shall we?” 

Reluctantly, I agreed. There was no real use fighting this, I supposed. Mommy took out a bib and wrapped it around my neck, taking a seat next to me. The bib said “Mommy’s Messy Girl” on it, and was colored in pink and purple. I did like the color combination. The food? It was a greenish-brown mix that looked really unappetizing, but it smelled pretty good, I guess. Mommy was really a good cook, and while I did like the “adult” food I’d been eating here, I guess this was going to be the new normal. I wondered what was going to happen when we went out somewhere, would she just bring something from home for me? I guess that’d have to sort itself out.

Mommy took out the spoon and put it towards my mouth. “Open up little one, time to eat, let’s land that airplane!”

I opened my mouth, and it sailed in. What else was I going to do? Fighting it was only going to cause problems, and I did agree to this whole thing, for better or worse. 

As it went in my mouth, I have to admit I gagged a little bit, I just didn’t like the texture. I’d never particularly liked anything like this, and it really had a texture like mashed potatoes, which I absolutely loathed. The taste itself wasn’t terrible, but was kind of bland, but the texture, it was just.

“Uhhhgggg,” was the noise I made. 

“You need to eat little girl, time for another spoonful,” Mommy told me. True to her word, there went another spoonful into my mouth, some of it spilling onto my chin and onto my bib. I guess Mommy knew what she was doing when she put me on that. 

The pattern continued until thankfully, finally, the bowl of mush was eaten. It wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever eaten, even if the texture was abysmal, but I’d have to say that it wasn’t exactly on my favorites. 

“Good girl, now let’s get you cleaned up, just sit there for a minute while Mommy goes and gets something to clean you with.”

So I waited, almost a bit traumatized, a little shaken, and definitely, well, just feeling out of sorts. It was a strange sensation, sitting here in just a diaper and a shirt, having just been fed what was basically baby food, and now waiting to be cleaned. I didn’t know what to do or think. I just kind of rolled with it, I guess. 

Mommy reappeared a short time later, carrying a case of baby wipes. “Let’s clean your face and hands, and then we can go pick out some cute stuff for your little cute tushie!” she said in a sing-song voice. 

True to her word, she pulled them each out one-by-one, cleaning the entirety of my face, and of my hands. As it went over my face, I couldn’t help but think at how babyish it smelled, and how babyish it made me (I guess) smell and feel. After a few quick wipes, Mommy had me all clean. 

As I stood up, I emptied the contents of my bladder into the diaper. There was no use in holding it, nor was there any chance that I was going to have to “run to the potty”, so it went where it was going to go for the foreseeable future, into my diaper. 

Naturally, it puffed up between my legs, and I walked to the living room, going to wait on the couch for Mommy while she cleaned up. I curled onto the couch, the cool feel of the leather once again feeling a little strange against my bare legs. After a bit of time, Mommy reappeared in the doorway, carrying a laptop computer, and walking over to the couch somewhat separately from where I was t, and then patting the side of where she was at. 

“Come over here, and snuggle with Mommy,” she told me. 

I did as I was told. This wasn’t something I’d ever consider fighting; the closeness was too enjoyable for me. 

When I sat down, she opened the computer. “I really want you to be comfortable in these new surroundings, and though I probably will just be buying stuff for you in the future based on my own preferences, I want to involve you in it this time, just to get everything off the ground, sound good?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I told her.

“Well Denise gave me a few places to look for clothes and furniture for you, and it seems that there’s actually a bigger market out there than I think anyone ever imagined. Let’s go take a look,” Beth..I mean Mommy…told me. 

She logged on to a website specializing in these things, and we immediately began to peruse the site together. I’d never imagined there were so many cute options out there, and I began to immediately point at things I’d like, which included dresses, onesies, and other sorts of things in-between. It was a bit of retail therapy that functioned as a bit of chicken soup for my weary soul. 

We went through some other things, like picking out an adult-sized changing table, a crib, and everything else necessary for transforming my room into what I imagined would become an oversized baby’s nursery. It made me giddy with excitement, if not a little anxious and worried about the coming transformation my life was about to become. 

Pretty soon, Mommy had picked out everything necessary, adding a few things she thought would look cute, and then put them in the online cart, and then ordered them. They’d be here in a few days, and it felt like an almost approaching Christmas or birthday party that was heading my direction. 

“Now let’s go change that diaper, sweetie,” she didn’t bat an eyelash.

“Huh? How did you know?” I asked rather dumbfounded.

“Honey, Mommies know these things, and besides, I saw how droopy your diaper was when you walked out of the kitchen, and it’s felt super poofy on my ever since. We’ll go get you changed, and then you can take a nap; I’ve got some things to take care of, and you’ve had a big day so far.”

I couldn’t disagree with her there. It would feel nice to be in a new diaper, and I was a bit tired, if not overwhelmed. 

“C’mon baby, let’s go to your room,” she stood up and held her hand out. 

I immediately took it, and we walked upstairs together. I guess I waddled a bit, but I still made my way up there fairly easy.

When we got up the stairs, Mommy laid my new changing pad out and put it on the bed. “Ok princess, time to get your pee pants changed,” she told me, patting the bed. 

I immediately went over and laid down. Mommy opened my diaper up and made quick work of it, putting a new one on me in rather quick motion. I was surprised at how quick it took. Mommy threw away the diaper in my diaper pail and began to walk out before stopping. 

“Ok, Mommy needs to go make a few phone calls, you need to get a few hours of sleep, I’ll be in in a little while to get you,” Mommy smiled, kissing me on the head before walking out. 

I’d fallen asleep quite quickly, the feel of a snug dry diaper wrapped around my waist made me feel strangely..comforted. It was true, I’d been stressed out forever, even before the recent events that had sent me on this strange trajectory, but I felt at this point that I guess I was finally comfortable and, well, safe. I suppose I didn’t have much to worry about in the near (or even distant) future, and all of that created just one giant balloon to lift all of the burdens I’d been feeling clean off of my shoulders. I didn’t know what the future would bring, but I was glad I was living in this house, at this time, in this moment. 

I drifted off to sleep and had some strange dreams about being locked in an elevator on the 10th floor of some ultra-modern highrise, Jennifer Lopez giving some talk down below in a giant atrium surrounded by plants, and water. It was a really strange dream, and it just delved further and further into strangeness, until I was in a locked room that I couldn’t get out of. In a mild panic, I woke up, sweating bullets. Was I still in the locked room? 

Nope. I was suddenly overcome with relief. It was the same old room I’d gone to sleep in, I was still under a blanket, and yep, well, there was still a diaper on my waist. It felt a little warm, so I imagined that I’d peed in it during my nap. Not wanting to really get out of bed yet, I decided to curl up on my side with the blanket over my head. The warmth, the cocoon-ness of the blanket that I’d wrapped myself in, I felt so nice. 
Looking out the window, I could see that it was still either the afternoon or the early evening, from what I could tell. I was never much for telling time though, so it could have been in the next morning from all what I could tell. I was all alone in my thoughts, when suddenly, I heard a telltale “click’; my door was opening. It was Beth..I mean Mommy! She had a big smile on her face. 

“Hey there babygirl (this was going to take some getting used to), did you sleep well?” she asked me. 

“Yes Mommy, it was” I smiled back. 

She pulled back my blanket, revealing the changed color stripe of my diaper. “Well honey, it looks like you’ve given Mommy a wet diaper to change, haven’t you?” 

I blushed. My silence made it pretty obvious. 

“Well that’s why you have your potty pants on, isn’t it?” she smiled. 

She walked over, grabbing a new diaper and wipes from my dresser, and set them down next to me. She pulled my shirt back a bit, and untaped the diaper, opening it up. 

“Well honey, I’m glad we’re taking care of this now, it looks like you could have had a leak if we weren’t careful.”

She methodically used a few wipes, wiping my diapered area, my bottom, and everything else, before putting a new diaper underneath me, and taping it up. 

“Allll done,” she said in a sing song voice. 

“Thanks Mommy,” I told her. 

“Of course hon, what kind of Mommy would I be if I didn’t take care of your pee pee panties?”

“Not a good one,” I laughed.

“You answered well honey,” she told me,”Let’s go downstairs.”

She offered her hand, and I took it and we walked downstairs.  

“Honey, I need to talk to you about tomorrow,” she told me. 

“I’m in the middle of a big thing at work, and well, I can’t afford to miss it, we’re coming into the home stretch, and I really need to see this thing through. I really wanted to be able to stay home with you for at least a week to get adjusted, but everything just kind of fell onto my lap.”
“So what’s going to happen is that I’m going to take you to Dana’s tomorrow in the morning, and she’ll watch you all day. I think she’s still a little perplexed at the whole thing, but we’re really close friends, and she agreed to do it. Besides, I think her girls both like you, so you’ll be in good company over there.”

I just kind of sat there, sheepishly. “Does that mean?”

“Yes hon, she will be seeing you in your diapers, and most likely will be changing you a few times, it’s what people do for babies,” she told me rather matter of factly, “Don’t worry, she won’t be teasing you, she’s changed enough of them over the years,” she said, laughing.

I didn’t know what to think. I guess I always figured that Mommy would be the only one taking care of my diapers, I hadn’t taken on the entirety of this whole thing. I mean, I guess I heard her say there’d be babysitters, but I just thought it might be a time when I could sit and talk, I hadn’t realized that I’d gotten myself into this whole thing. The fact that others were going on was either a testament to how nice they all were, or was going to be a big embarrassment. 

“Ok,” was all I could say meekly. 

“Honey, you’re too young to be asking questions, you’re a baby, all you should care about is smiling and looking cute, and let the adults take care of everything else.  You’ll be taken care of, and if there are any problems, that’s not your problem, that’s my issue, and I’ll handle it how it needs to be handled, ok? So no more questions, if you need to talk, you need to use your cute babygirl voice,” she informed me. 

I guess she was right. I hadn’t seen that side of Mommy but for a few times, but she was usually talking on a business call or something else. I had no recourse, I guess, but this was what I signed up for, so I figured Mommy must know best. 

“Now then, I set up a nice little play area for you in the living room while you were asleep. I can get some work done, and you’ll have some nice toys to play with for awhile. I’ll make dinner a little later, sound good little girl?”

“Yesh,” I told Mommy. 

We walked in, and true to her word, Mommy had set up a great play area. There were pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and some other toys. Toys for babies, but still. There was a pink shopping cart, a play kitchen with food, and some other stuff mixed in. Mommy had gone all out. 

“I hope you like it, a lot of this was Samantha’s old stuff, and well, I don’t think she’s going to be using it, I’m just glad another baby girl gets to in this house!” 

So I went to play, and Mommy went to work, she even put on some cartoons in the background. I’ll admit, it was a little odd, I didn’t really know where to start. I hadn’t played with these sorts of things in quite a long time, and when I did, I can’t say I really remembered them. This was going to take some time to adjust to. 

I started with the kitchen. I actually liked to be in a kitchen and experiment with cooking, so at least I could pretend with this. There was a bunch of plastic food that I pretended I could be a gourmet chef with. I’d always wanted to be a chef, but I could never figure out anything that could get me to there. I always figured that I’d grown up in the wrong place, I’d have been better off in a place like New York, or…San Francisco. I was here, at least. Maybe when I “Grew up” (assuming Mommy let me) I could actually pursue that dream. 

In any case, I tried to make the best of things. My imagination always was a bit wild, and I just kind of ran with it. It’s not like I could yell “Psyche!!” and get myself out of this all, so I figured that I might as well do what I could. So I took the plastic things, made some cooking noises, and set a few things up on some dishes. I made them look pretty, and as I was hitting the back end of my “cooking”, I suddenly felt a rumbling in my stomach. The mush I’d eaten earlier must have finally made its way through. 

I could do two things here. I could hold it, and I’d still have to eventually go in my diaper, or I could just go in my diaper. Asking for the bathroom at this point was a “no go”, building off of Mommy’s earlier statement of “looking cute”. So that’s what I did. I squatted down, pushed a warm load into the back of my diaper, and I just kept playing. I could have gone and asked Mommy, but I figured she’d probably figure out whenever she got close to the fallout area. 

Pooping in a diaper wasn’t a feeling I’d gotten used to, and I’d had it happen a few times over this summer. Even with those times, it still felt a little gross. This hot mush spread across my bottom was just a bit..unsettling. Still, I didn’t know what to do, like I said. I just kept playing, hoping that maybe Mommy would eventually come over and take care of it. 

Soon, Mommy came over. “And what do we have here? Did you make Mommy some food?” she asked me in a cutesy voice. 

“Yes Mommy, I made you a weal pwetty dish,” I told her. 

“And hon, it smells like you also made Mommy a pretty stinky dish too, didn’t you?” 

I blushed, “Um yesh Mommy, but it was accident, I sewious,” I told her. 

“Oh honey, Mommy figured this might be coming sooner or later, let’s get you changed and some din-din in that cute little tummy of yours,” she told me.

“Just wait here and I’ll be back.”

Soon, Mommy reappeared, a diaper, a tub of wipes, and a changing pad in her hands. “Okay little girl, let’s get you smelling a little better.”

She laid the pad down on the ground near my cooking area. “Come over here and lay down, let’s get this taken care of,” she looked at me, wrinkling her nose a bit. 

I did as I was told. I went over and laid down, putting my bottom on the pad, smearing my mess about even more. Like I said, it was verrrry uncomfortable. 

“Alrighty Jaclyn, Mommy’s going to clean you up here really quick,” Mommy told me. 

She moved over, and untaped my diaper, letting it fall forward. Just as soon as the mess was revealed, the smell crept out with it. This isn’t just a smell that you take in like roses or barbecue, it really really smells disgusting. 

Mommy wrinkled her nose. “Wow hon, you really did a number on this one, pheeeewww you stink, you are a stinky, stinky, little girl,” she laughed. 

She wiped my nether regions, my bottom, making sure to go expertly up the crack to get anything out that might give me a rash. Having me lift up, she cleaned the back of my bottom to get anything else. 

“Stay up real fast, let Mommy get a fresh pair of panties on you,” she smiled. 

Soon, she unfurled the new diaper, and had me place my bottom on top of it. To not be caked in poop anymore was a great feeling, and the diaper felt like a nice pillow to be cushioned on. Mommy pulled the diaper up, and taped each side. 

“There we go hon, all done!” she smiled, “Let Mommy go throw this out and wash her hands, and we’ll go eat.”

Mommy was a woman of her word; soon she reappeared and got me for dinner. We ate at the table, Mommy had a nice looking salad, and I had another pile of mush. Nice smelling much, but still mush. This was going to take some getting used to. 

After dinner, I went with Mommy to the living room, and curled my legs across her lap, my head laid on her shoulder. Mommy patted my diaper bottom as we both watched “The Princess and the Pauper”. Soon I fell asleep in Mommy’s arms, and after a short time, I felt myself jostled awake. 

“Honey, let’s go get you to bed, you’ve got a big day tomorrow,” Mommy told me. 

I did as I was told, and followed Mommy upstairs, my hand in hers. Soon, we got into the room, and Mommy had me lay down, changed my diaper, and then put me into bed. As she walked out, she turned to me and smiled. 

“Jaclyn, I know this is a big adjustment, and it’s going to continue to be bigger and bigger. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you for making a choice to take a big risk to seek help, but most of all? I want you to know I’ll always be in your corner and will never let anyone or anything hurt you. You’re my daughter now as far as I’m concerned, and you’ll always mean the world to me,” Mommy smiled at me.

“Fank you Mommy,” I lisped behind my pacifier, “I wuv you.”

“I love you more, Princess,” Mommy gave me a warm smile and kissed me on the forehead, “sweet dreams.”

She walked out and turned out the light; my nightlight faintly illuminated my room. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face that night; I’d never felt so loved.
 

[alf852]

krásný příběh, nemůžu se dočkat pokračování?

[BabyGirlSJ]

While I was happy about my situation with Beth (it was going to take a lot of getting used to, though), I didn’t sleep well that night. Initially, I fell asleep, but I kept waking up in intervals. At one point, I woke up and really had to pee. It seemed that the bottle I’d had before bed had finally made its way through my system. I, of course, wasn’t going to get out and go to the potty, that was off-limits, so I did what any baby in my shoes would have done and simply peed in my diaper. That’s what it was there for, right?

Initially, the warm feeling around my waist felt a little reassuring and even a little relaxing. I liked the feelings of freshly-peed diapers, but I knew that this wasn’t going to last; I had a short window I could go to sleep before that warmth started feeling cold and itchy. I tried going back to sleep, but every time I did, I was jolted awake. Most of it was anxiety about the next morning, I think. I’d only met Dana once, and even though I think she knew I had some issues, I wasn’t entirely sure how she was going to react to my new “status”. I know Be..I mean Mommy and her were really good friends, but how good of friends were they? I assumed it was going to be a little awkward, but that whole feeling of uncertainty was just something that was really, actually keeping me awake that night. Probably nothing was going to come of this, but you know, it really was keeping me up. The fact that my diaper was getting colder and itchier by the minute didn’t help, either. I did what best I could with the situation, and tried my hardest to fall asleep.

I guess I fell asleep at some point, because I was awoken by the sun breaking through the curtains in my room. I could hear activity around my room; I assumed Mommy must have been getting ready for work. Since my new status required me to be a baby, I figured I’d just stay here until she came. There really wasn’t anything that I was interested in doing at this point in the morning, anyway. The nerves had really overtaken me last night, and with the time coming so soon, I didn’t know really what to expect. Mommy had told me she’d take care of everything, and while I did trust her, I just didn’t know what to expect. 

Adding to my anxiety was something that was common when I got anxious, and that was an overwhelming need to go poop. There were countless times in my life where an extreme bout of anxiety was followed by an extreme bout of diarrhea, and this seemed like one of those moments. Like last night again, there really was no way out, so I did what any typical toddler girl would do, and that was simply pooping in my diaper. It seemed ready to come out, so an initial push just opened up the floodgates, and I went from there. What was once cold and itchy now was warm again and mushy. My entire backside felt like it was covered in warm poop, stretching all from the front of my diaper all the way to the back. It felt nice to have it out, as if a weight had been lifted, but, well, it was what it was, still poop in my pants. I could have cried, but I just decided to pretend like I was asleep and wait it out. Sooner or later, Mommy was going to come. 

Finally, just like I thought she would, I heard steps, followed by the door opening, with Mommy on the other side. 

“Gooood morning sweet baby girl, how did Mommy’s little princess sleep last night?”

I opened my eyes. “Guu Mommy, buh I ty-ed,” I told her, rubbing my eyes. 

“That’s natural honey, even Mommy is tired this morning, it really came around fast! I’m sure Auntie Dana will put you down for a nap at some point, so you should catch up on your little tireds before then!” 

She seemed cheery this morning; maybe it was just the idea of being able to finish whatever it was she’d been working on. I wasn’t going to ask, because, well, I really wasn’t expecting to. 

“Let’s get your diaper changed and you ready for your big fun day with Auntie Dana! I called her last night, and she’s excited to have you over, yes she is, yes she is!”, Mommy spun a baby sentence, tickling me a little bit. 

I couldn’t help but giggle, it was nice being loved, even if this situation was a little odd.

Mommy went over to get a new diaper, some wipes, and a changing pad out, setting them down on the floor and setting it up for what was going to be my first diaper change of the day. 

“Come here and lay down sweetie, Mommy needs to clean your stinky little bottom, don’t think Mommy didn’t notice that when she came in,” she laughed. 

I did as I was told, got up, and walked over to where Mommy had laid out everything, and laid down on the changing pad. Mommy arranged it a little better under my diapered bottom so there wouldn’t be any bad messes on the floor. 

Always the expert, Mommy pulled back my shirt, and then opened up my diaper, the smell probably hitting both of our nostrils simultaneously. 

“Phhhhewwww, you are a stinky little princess this morning!” Mommy exclaimed, “you really left a nice present for me!” 

“I ‘tinky Mommy, I ‘tinky!” I lisped through the pacifier.

“You certainly are little girl, who knew that such a cute little princess could make such big stinky messies for her Mommy?” 

She pulled out a handful of wipes and went to work on my entire diaper area. From the amount of time and the amount of stentch, it was obvious that it was one of Mommy’s biggest jobs to date. The cool wipes felt so nice along my bottom though, it was so nice to have that nasty itchiness out from me, and it really felt so nice to be clean. I figured this is why real babies were generally happy after diaper changes. 

After what seemed like a stink-filled eternity, Mommy finally got the new diaper on me and all set up. She went over and picked out some new clothes for me. She picked out a cute spotted blouse with a pair of leggings that went on underneath. There were some cute shoes to match. She wasted no time in helping me put it on, and then took a few barrettes in my lengthening hair, and made me look, I guess you could say, cute. 

“There you go hon, all cute and ready for Auntie Dana this morning, go look in your mirror,” Mommy told me. 

I went and looked. I was shocked at what I saw. I figured I’d still have some of my boyish features, which I did, but I have to say that I really felt like I was playing the part of a 9 month old baby girl. The puff from my waist was obvious, but Mommy had made my hair look cute, and really had done me up well. Maybe this wasn’t going to be such a hard thing to pull off, and I hadn’t even started on any medical stuff yet!

“Wook good Mommy,” I told her in my best babyish voice.

“You sure do, babygirl, let’s go downstairs and get some num-nums, and then we’ll be able to head out,” Mommy told me, taking me by the hand out of the room. 

We went down to the kitchen and I sat in a chair by Mommy. Today, she’d gone ahead and picked out some mashed up bananas and other pureed fruit. It kind of looked good actually, but I worried about the havoc it would likely wreak on my bowels later, and really really hoped that if the expected result happened, it’d happen when Mommy was at work, not at Auntie Dana’s. I really really didn’t want to have a poopy diaper there today, it’d be too embarrassing. 

“Open up wide princess,” Mommy motioned to me with a spoon full of puree. I complied. What else was I going to do? I didn’t want Mommy’s potential wrath over something that I wasn’t going to get out of. 

The spoon went in my mouth, and quite honestly, it wasn’t the worst tasting thing in the world. Very sweet, and very fruity. One by one, the spoon went from my mouth to the bowl Mommy had made, and back to my mouth again. As the spoonfuls went in, the mass lowered and lowered until it was finally done. 

“All gone!” Mommy said in a sing-song voice, “You are just such a good eater Princess, Mommy is so proud of you!”

The babyish tone made me blush. It hadn’t been too long into this new world I found myself in, and really, I got embarrassed every time she (or anyone) talked to me like that. 

Before I could finish my thoughts, a cool baby wipe rolled succinctly across my mouth, clearing out any residue from the fruit that might have been left behind. The smell was overpowering; it made me feel even more babyish. 

“Hands too, babygirl,” Mommy added, “we can’t have you a bit sticky icky mess for Auntie Dana this morning, can we?” she smiled. 

I put my hands out and Mommy went over them in a very thorough manner. I guess that’s what you get for having an attorney for a Mommy; even the little details are never lost. 

After I was clean, Mommy let me out of the high chair and had me go play in the living room a bit while she finished getting ready. I found some blocks to play with, and started stacking them up in a giant tower. No matter how high I’d try to make the tower though, it kept plopping down. Just as I was about to become disinterested, I felt a touch on my back.

“Ok sweetie, it’s time to put your blockies away, Mommy has to get to a meeting and we still have to take you to Auntie Dana’s,” Mommy told me. 

Soon, the blocks were away. I should say that I didn’t clean up, it was all Mommy; I think she was focused on the time element, I think I could have done it myself. She finished, took me by the hand, and on the way out the door, plucked *my* diaper bag off the kitchen table.

“Wouldn’t want to forget this, would we? Auntie Dana might have a hard time figuring out what to do with your little bottom,” Mommy chuckled. 

With that, we were out the door. We made our way to Mommy’s car, and I was buckled into my car seat. It was a big one, a nice plush one, and I had no idea where she’d gotten this stuff at. I lamented to myself that I could have been fine in a regular seatbelt, but safety first, I guess! 

As we drove towards Auntie Dana’s house, I increasingly got anxiety. So far, the only person to really change my diapers with any frequency was Mommy, and I was unsure how I really felt about having someone else doing it. I’d met Dana before, but really, she was still kind of a stranger. She was nice, and I enjoyed her demeanor last time we met, but still, I just was unsure about it all. I knew that, given Mommy’s long work schedule, I was almost certain to use my diapers during the day, and I couldn’t simply hold it in. Poopies? Yes, I could manage to hold that, but my bladder would explode if I didn’t go, and besides, I’d been having so much trouble controlling that, it was a dead certainty that would be changed today. 

Mommy must have caught on to my silence. “Honey, you’re so quiet back there, what’s wrong? Normally you have ten million things to comment on, or to tell Mommy about.”

“I ne-vous Mommy,” I told her, “Auntie Dana see my dia-pews”

“Oh honey, you’re going to be in great hands with Auntie Dana,” she smiled at me, “I’ve already gone over the drill with her, and she’s really excited to have you at the house; the two girls are too,” she told me. 

“And don’t worry about the diapers, she’s changed a million of them between her two girls over the years, it’s like second nature by this point,” she finished.

“Otay Mommy, fank yew” I told her through my pacifier. I felt a bit better, I guess, but it was still a lingering thought in the back of my head. 

There was one thing that kept rolling back in forth in my head. I had just pooped that morning, however, in the course of my anxieties about this new arrangement, that dread had been forming itself into a potential poopy in the pit of my stomach, which had already sent some into my diaper earlier that morning. Even though I’d met Dana, and I knew she was nice (at least the time we met), I still didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t lost control of my bowels (at least I didn’t think I had), and I figured I could keep it held all day, at least until Mommy picked me up from work. I’d had experience previously in my other life, as I had a real fear of public toilets, and if I’d gone out to somewhere unfamiliar with public toilets,  well, I’d always managed to hold it in until I got to more familiar territory. 

I sat in silence, once again taking in the beauty of this area; it never really got old for me. I liked to look at the plants, the blue street signs, and the various architecture in the area. I didn’t think it’d ever get old, and quite frankly, I hoped it never would. Plants and animals and houses really interested me, even if I was now playing the part of a diapered infant. I’d hoped that Mommy would be able to take me to a zoo or something at some point, or at least one of the aquariums around here. I’d heard the one in Monterey was nice, and even if I was basically a baby at this point, I didn’t care because I’d be so happy to see some really cool animals that the sight of me to people wasn’t something that really would register. 

The drive dragged on for seemingly an eternity, before we finally pulled up in front of a white 1950s mid-century modern house surrounded by a green lawn and a few trees. The house was well-kept and fairly affluent, which I guess was reflective of the area surrounding it. This must be Aunt Dana’s house, I figured. As we pulled into the driveway, the anxieties built up in my stomach. I hadn’t seen her since that night in the baseball stadium, and though I guess I pooped my pants then, this new setup I currently found myself in was a whole new ballgame. I hoped that she’d be ok with this all, but given the peculiarities of it all, there was no telling of her reaction. I was in the middle of it, and I still was a little apprehensive. 

The car stopped, and Mommy looked back and smiled. “We’re here, Princess,” and then unbuckled her seatbelt, and got out of the car. I guess this was it; if I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone fully with the ongoing treatment, this represented the ultimate crossing of my own private Rubicon. There was no telling how things were going to go, but I was going to experience something rather unfathomable just a few weeks prior. I swear that time slows down, and really, this was no different; just as the drive over seemed like it took forever, so too did Mommy’s walk around the car. 

My stone-faced stare outside of the window was finally interrupted by Mommy’s shadow standing over me. The time had come, I supposed, and I’d soon see what the future would hold for me. In many ways, I considered this a bit of a “watershed” moment in the course of everything. This was the first place that I was going to be as a “baby” outside of a few exceptions that had previously happened, and Dana was going to be the first person other than Beth…I mean Mommy that was going to be changing my diapers. I probably could try to hold everything, but what would be the point? It’s not like there was some sort of potty-training going on that I’d be rewarded with “being dry”, and as I’d previously agreed, I was going to be in diapers for the foreseeable future. With this in mind, I figured out that I’d might as well just take anything and everything in stride, and the various variances that could be a bit awkward would probably be decided and talked about between the adults, a group which I was no longer apart. 

Deep down, the other nagging anxiety that I had was the interactions that I was going to be having with Dana’s two daughters, who I’d previously met. They were nice before, but our respective status’ back then were both different. When we’d previously interacted, I was one of those “adults” (even though I’d gone potty in my pants, which they knew about), and now I was likely going to be considered at a level lower than even Amelia, who was currently 2 and still in diapers (as far as I knew). I did wonder what would happen, especially in regards to Natalie; at 8 she was old enough to have remembered me from before, and I did wonder what she would say (or act like) to me after all of this had unfolded. Not to mention, Dana had a husband; it was awkward enough between Dana and her daughters, I didn’t know where that was going to end up, though I guess there was going to be lots of time to sort all of this out, right? 

The door opened up, and I heard Mommy’s sing-song voice coming out of her sweet smile. “C’mon Princess, let Mommy get you unbuckled, and we’ll get you all in and situated for your day of play at Aunt Dana’s!”

I obediently complied. To be honest, I did have a bit of liking for this treatment, and though I was unsure of the road it was going to lead me down, part of me was somewhat curious to see just how far it would go. Mommy unbuckled my seatbelt, took my diaper bag across her shoulder, and held her hand out for me to follow. I grabbed Mommy’s hand, rather tightly, and began making my walk of uncertainty to the front door. If I could have slowed time down here, I would have, though I knew that there was no possible way that I was getting out of this. As my later self would probably tell me, it’s something I would get used to; Auntie Dana was going to be my babysitter a lot in the coming weeks, months, and even years, and I would grow to adore her and her kids about as much as I did Mommy. She’d change a lot of my diapers, give me a lot of bottles, while also providing a lot of love and support as I continued my downward journey. AT this particular moment though? As we approached the front door, I was full of pure panic, pure anxiety, and…

“Beth! Aaaand Jaclyn? Is that you? Your Mommy has made you so pretty!”, the door had opened and we were both greeted by Auntie Dana’s smiling face. For someone who was going to be changing what was basically an adult’s diapers and basically taking care of them as if they were a one-year old baby, well, she sure had a cheery outlook on life, if she could be this happy about this. I know that if the scripts were flipped, well, I’d be a bit dour, but I guess that’s why things are the way they are? 

“Jac-y, sweetie, what do you tell Auntie Dana?” Mommy prodded me, interrupting my thought process. 

“Fank you Auntie Dana,” I told Auntie Dana, blushing a bit. Like I said, I’d eventually get used to this, but for now, it was a bit much to take in. 

“Care to come in? Or are you in a hurry?” Dana asked Mommy. 

“In a bit of a hurry, but, I guess I could stop in for a few minutes to get the little one situated, but I’ve got a busy day ahead of me,” Mommy told Dana. 

“Sure, absolutely! You both just missed Philip, he had to head to LA for a few days for work, and he dropped off Natalie at school, I know they were both sad they had to miss you coming over!” Dana chided with a little humor. 

I breathed a bit of a sigh of relief. My potential forms of anxiety were both gone for right now, and it seemed like I’d be able to get a little bit of an acclimation period, at least. Amelia was still here, and at least I’d have someone to play with, I guess. Maybe Auntie Dana would let me have some adult conversation, though if she and Mommy had already talked, I was sure that it was probably out of the question. 
We followed Auntie Dana in; I gazed in amazement at her house. It had such a sweet smell in it, and it was immaculate inside. Sure, there were signs that there were kids who lived here, like some of the toys scattered around some of the initial parts of the house, and a few things here and there, but by and large, it looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. If Mommy and Auntie Dana were indicative over how this part of the world lived, well, I’d been missing out for most of my life in rural-topia. 

“Why don’t you put the baby’s diaper bag over there on the couch, and I’ll take care of it,” Dana told Mommy, “no real need to explain anything with it, I’m pretty well versed in those things,” she laughed. 

Mommy and Auntie Dana talked for a few more minutes, mostly boring small-talk about the goings on at work, I guessed. Wasn’t anything that really had any big ramifications for me, I assumed, or else someone would have looked or said something. 

I looked around and casually interrupted, “A-mee-wee-ah here?” I asked behind my pacifier.

“Oh yes, she’s still sleeping, she woke me up a few times last night thinking it was fun to have a stuffed animal party in her room, so I’m sure she’s still a little pooped,” Dana told me. 

“Otay, I can’t way-t to pway wif her”, I told Dana. In reality, I was still a little unsure, but I wanted to put on as good a face as any. 

“Oh and she is just too excited to play with another baby girl too,” Auntie Dana told me. 

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s time for me to jet to work, I’ve got a lot to take care of today,” Mommy told us. 

“Oh of course, well, your little one will be in great hands today, “ Dana told her.

“Don’t I know it,” Mommy laughed, “You were always so good to Samantha when she was younger, and when I needed a babysitter today, I knew you’d be just the person I’d ask,” Mommy told her. 

“I’ll probably be working a little late tonight, so I might be picking her up late, If that’s alright with you, “Mommy told Dana. 

“Absolutely, we’ll probably give her a bath and dinner by the time you come, and I’m sure she’ll have a great time watching some movies with the girls later,” Dana told Mommy.

Mommy came over and kissed me on the forehead, “Have a wonderful day, Princess, Mommy will be here to pick you up before you know it; I’m sure you’ll have an awesome day with Auntie Dana, Amelia, and Natalie!”

“Bye Mommy,” I was still a little apprehensive.

“Have a good one Dana, and just call me if you need anything, or if anything happens,” Mommy told Dana. She closed the door and walked out. I looked out the window and saw her get in her car. She must have seen me, and she blew me a kiss before she drove off. 

Dana came and patted me on the shoulder. “You’re in good hands baby, you’re going to have a great day today, I can definitely ensure you that.”

“I…” I started, but realized that I was going to talk like an adult, 

“Oh, if you want to tell me anything, I won’t tell your Mommy you talked like an adult,” Dana laughed. “You’ll have plenty of time to be a baby from the sounds of it.”

“I’m here for you too, your Mommy and I have been friends forever, and I’m here to support you as much as anything, so before Amelia gets up, why don’t you feel free to fill your Auntie Dana in about how things have gone, this will be your free pass, I’m probably as curious as you are apprehensive…”

She smiled at me, I figured that this was a good chance to still talk.

“Well…” I started.
 

[Secretstash]

God this story is criminally underrated, it’s soooo good and I hope we don’t have to wait long for the next chapter ?

 

You leaving us on a cliffhanger with Dana is no fun lol The way your writing her is amazing, reminds me of someone I kinda know and ahhh I’m so excited to read on. Also there’s a scenario that I think might come up and I’m excited to see if it does (I won’t say what, I never want to influence stories, only appreciate :p).

 

But yeah, excellent job :)

[BabyGirlSJ]

Glad you all like the story. Here's the latest installment. 

XV. 

I figured that I might as well talk with Auntie Dana. She had offered, after all. So I told her, and kind of went through everything, even acknowledging the messy situation I’d found myself in when we’d previously met. To her credit, she kept a straight face through everything, even nodding as if she understood my plight.

“So…why the baby treatment? Why diapers? Is this comfortable for you?”

It took me a bit aback; I’d never really talked with Mommy about this, other than agreeing to partake in the regression therapy, and well, Auntie Dana was the first interaction I’d had without Mommy around after this treatment had started. She seemed like she meant well, and I was happy for the outlet.

“I’ll admit, I don’t know how I completely feel about it, or even what to think; I’d been having these bathroom incidents with wetting the bed, and then wetting at work, and then the few messy accidents that were more or less just that, accidents. We went to a doctor and apparently my muscles had atrophied for some unknown reason, so it just seemed like a natural fit I guess.”

“Well, that explains the diapering, and I can definitely understand it from your standpoint, and your Mommy’s, especially as a parent myself, you don’t want to be having poop and pee all over everything. 

But why the baby thing though?”

Again, outside of Mommy and Denise, I’d never delved into these things with anyone else, because, well, I really didn’t know how or why to explain my shortcomings growing up. So I told Auntie Dana allll about my thoughts on it.

“I guess I’m more unsure of it than the diaper thing, but you know, it kind of feels right, but at the same time, it feels maybe like something I should be embarrassed of. What 18 year old goes to college, and then turns back the clock 17 years after one year? People I know probably would think that I’d found my way into a bad stash of drugs and had fried my brain, but you know, it’s more than that. I just…I’ve always felt like I’ve been drifting through life, just a casual observer, and well, this makes more, immersive? Maybe I could learn some new things, maybe be a better person? I don’t know, I really don’t. It tears me up at times, but then there are times when I really feel like I’m doing the right thing.”

“So you’ve just been a drifting little soul this entire time, and then you met your Mommy?” 

“Well yeah, and really, it wasn’t like I was looking for an ‘adult’ in my life, she just was more or less someone who I really found interesting to talk to, and it was really just a random encounter. We ‘clicked’ in a lot of ways, but it wasn’t something romantic; I’m from a small town, you know, and her being incredibly intelligent and cultured, well, it was someone to have discussions with that I’d otherwise had never had in my life.” 

“But won’t you miss any of that, though?”

“Well, don’t judge, but really, my previous life existed of me getting high on marijuana, sitting on the beach, and doing associated things. I liked school, and probably will miss that a bit, but I feel like now, I kind of belong to something? Does that make sense?”

“Well of course it does. From what you’ve told me, you’ve had an unfilled hole for more or less most of your life, and you’ve been seeking something. From the looks of it, and the sounds of it, you’re fulfilling that missing piece, and really get to be yourself.”

“That’s most of it. After years of wandering, I kind of feel…safe? I guess? Does that make sense?”

“Yes, absolutely, and can I tell you something?”

“Of course Auntie Dana”

“Most of what you’ll come to find out is that what makes things fun for babies is that you’ll fall into a routine, and you’ll know what to expect most days. Your Mommy hasn’t had a baby since Sammy was little, and well, it’s going to take an adjustment period I’d think, but I can tell you, she’s over the moon that she’s got you to take care of. Work really consumed her life for a long time, and with Samantha getting older and being out of the house soon, you’ve kind of given her a new thing to look forward to….obviously, you’re seemingly happy with this, so while there’s going to be ups and downs, it will work out for the best.”

She continued (she really could talk), “I’m not the most religious person, but I think that sometimes people come into each other’s lives for a reason, and well, I think you and your Mommy found each other for a reason, and it seems like you’re both happy with it so far, so hopefully it keeps up.”

“I am really happy with it; I’m also really nervous, too, because well, it’s been quite a change, and it seems like it’s only going to change more,” I told her.

“You’d be correct with that, and you’ve got a lot of things that are going to be changing in the future, and honestly sweetie? It’s completely natural to be anxious to something like this, because like you said, it’s a real unknown, and the unknown is always scary for anyone, even me…yes, even adults get scared,” she laughed, “and don’t worry, I’ll show you that it’s not all that bad being a baby, you’ll have a lot of fun when you come hang with Auntie Dana if your Mommy is at work; if you like it here, I don’t mind watching you, especially because it gives Amelia someone to play with.”

I nodded. “Thanks for talking with me, I’m glad I got to tell someone about the things going on in my head.”

“You bet,” she told me.

“Now look, I’m going to keep you in baby mode starting now, but I just want to let you know that if you ever feel any need to talk, I’ll let you use your big girl words and talk with me. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my family now too, so if you’re ever having a tough time, and your Mommy is at work, or you just feel like you need someone else to talk to, please, please, please reach out to me, and we can have another ‘Girl’s Time’ discussion; you’re going through some giant steps in your life right now, and I realize that you may feel like you need to talk, so I want you to know that your Auntie Dana is always here, okay baby?” she told me, in a really comforting way. 

“Otay Auntie Dana, fank you,” I told her. 
 
“Of course, sweetie,” she replied.

“Now here’s how things will go, I’m just going to do everything the same between you and Amelia today…if I need to change her, I’ll change you at the same time, and you’ll both eat at the same time, take naps at the same time, and well, you get the point, you’re a baby, but you seem like a smart one,” she laughed, before asking,

“Do you need changed, honey?”

“Nuh-uh,” I told her. I was telling the truth, I hadn’t gone yet since I was at Auntie Dana’s, so it wasn’t like I was avoiding one, not that I could really get out of it anyway.

“Well, I’ll be checking you in a little bit, and we’ll take care of it if you need it, sound good?”

“Mm-hmm,” I told her. 

“Auntie Dana?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“I big giwl one more time?”

“Oh surrre,” she laughed, “what do you want to talk about?”

“Are you okay with changing my diapers? I’ll be honest, that’s been driving my anxiety today, and quite honestly, it makes me feel a bit like a burden,” I told her.

Her smile went to one of quasi-concern. “Now Jac-y, what would make you think that I wouldn’t?”

“Well, I would feel a little uneasy changing a bigger ‘baby’s’ diaper”, I told her.

“There’s your answer, you’re just a bigger baby,” she laughed, “Jac-y, I have a ton of experience changing diapers, and if I had a problem with it, well, you’d probably be somewhere else today, I told your Mommy that it was not problem at all…I’ve got two kids, I’m basically a professional at this point,” she chuckled.

“Is that your only concern?” she asked. 

“Yeah, it really is.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, it’s not something that bothers me at all. Now if you took your diapey off and pottied on Auntie Dana’s floor? Well, that’d probably get you in quite a bit of trouble….but changing a dirty diaper? You’re a baby, sweetie, it comes with the territory. I’ve seen enough poop and pee over the last few years that it’s second nature at this point, I probably should get a degree or a license in it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at a vision in my head of Auntie Dana with a “Professional Diaper Changer” business card.

“Is that funny sweetie, do you think Auntie Dana is the boss babysitter? The best at changing little stinky tushies?”

“Yes Auntie Dana,” I told her.

“Well, I guess it is funny, and Amelia would probably agree with you, now, do you want your binkie sweetie?”

I nodded. 

She went and got the diaper bag and pulled it out. “Wow, your Mommy really sent you prepared today, there’s a bunch of diapers, a spare outfit, some formula in a bottle, and everything a baby girl at her Auntie’s house would need!” she found the pacifier, and walked over to me, handing it to me. 

“Here you go, sweetheart,” she had such a warm smile, “Now back to baby time for you, thank you for talking with me today, I’m really glad you and your Mommy found each other!”  

“Tanks Auntie Dana,” I popped the binkie in my mouth. This was a different feeling, but I liked the relaxing nature of being able to suckle on the binkie, especially as I was still a little nervous about all of this thing. It was great to talk with Auntie Dana for a bit, even if it wasn’t the longest time, but I still had that feeling of anxiety that I couldn’t shake. Maybe once I got a diaper change it’d go away, or maybe once I started playing with Amelia.

“Okay then, let’s go see if Amelia is up, we’re going to have a lot of fun today,” she told me with a grin. 

We got up from the couch and started to walk upstairs. This was a very nice house and the walls were scattered with abstract and landscape paintings, and interspersed with pictures of Dana’s family, who were always smiles. If I grew up in this house, I probably would have been all smiles too. It was a marked contrast from the awkward family portraits I’d been apart of growing up. If nothing else was different on this whole journey, it seems that I’d stumbled onto a group of rather confident, and happy people. 

A hallway stretched upstairs with several doors on each side. There was a bathroom, which I wasn’t going to be using, and on either side of it were two doors. One door was open and had a bunked bed inside that was draped in pink sheets, among other posters for random cartoons and everything else. I assumed that it was Natalie’s room, and my suspicions were confirmed by a rather-regal looking “N” on the door. On the other side of the bathroom was another door with a rather cute “A” on it, and with the door closed, I assumed this was Amelia’s. Further cementing this belief is the fact that we both stopped in front of the door. 

As I got lost in my thoughts, I had a nagging thought in the back of my head. Pressure was building up in my bladder, and it’d been building for some time. I’d been having control problems lately, for sure, but the potential embarrassment that would come with a diaper change by not only someone who never had changed me, but also in front of others, well, that gave me a bit of unease. I was at a loss; I didn’t know how to proceed. Part of me was embarrassed to go through a diaper change with Auntie Dana, but the other part of me remembered what she’d told me earlier; I was just a “bigger baby” after all. It was taking all of what bladder muscles I had left to hold it in, sooner or later, that dam was going to burst. 

With all that in mind, I shrugged my shoulders, gave up control, and just let go, and dumped the San Francisco Bay in my diaper; I’d had a bit to drink already this morning and it was really moving its way through pretty fast. Luckily I had a diaper on, otherwise, it’d have been something that resembled Lake Superior on Auntie Dana’s floor. I don’t think she noticed, and if she did, it seemed that her thoughts were elsewhere, namely waking up Amelia.

“Shall we go in?” Dana asked.

“Yesh,” I told her, though I think it was ultimately a rhetorical question. 

She opened the door, revealing a sleeping Amelia. Like her sister’s room, this one was immaculately set-up, with a net of stuffed animals hanging in one corner, some drawers on one side, a changing table with a diaper pail next to that, and a lowered crib sitting on the floor. It looked like something you’d see out of a catalog. I had to give it to Dana, she really had style, that was for sure. No expenses were spared in either girl’s room. 

My thoughts were interrupted by a prodding on my bottom; I felt my blouse pulled up and my diaper pulled back, before it was finally grabbed on the front. 

“Looks like you’re not dry anymore and from the feel of it, you must have just gone,” she told me, “don’t worry, we’ll get you all clean, Amelia probably needs changing too.”

I could probably wait, I guess. I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I was glad that it seemed like I was going to get this out of the way, and that I could probably still wait a little bit. 

Dana gently tapped Amelia, who slowly opened her eyes. “Mommy?” she asked rather meekly.

“Good morning sweetie, it’s time to get up and have some breakfast. You have a visitor today, too,” she told her rather sweetly.

“Baby Jacwyn?” Amelia asked, sitting up.

“Yes, Baby Jaclyn’s mommy brought her over to play with you for the day, isn’t that just so exciting?” Auntie Dana started speaking in an overly-excited tone, one very appropriate for toddlers. 

“YAY! BABY JACWYN!” Amelia screamed, doing almost a sitting down happy dance, before looking at me. 

“Mommy, Jacwyn big girl?” she asked, pointing at me. 

“No, no, Jaclyn is a baby just like you, just a little taller,” she looked at me and winked. 

“Oh otay,” she smiled. 

“Let’s get you out of the crib, do you need to be changed?” Auntie Dana asked pointedly.

“Umm hmm” Amelia replied. 

“Well, I have to change Jaclyn too, so why don’t you two girls wait up here, and I’ll go grab her a diaper, and I’ll just change you both here, sound good?”

We obviously didn’t have any choice in the matter, so we both nodded.

“Well good, I’m glad you saw it my way, I’ll be right back, don’t you two move a muscle!” 

She ran out of the room, and Amelia looked at me.

“Do you wanna pway dowwies wif me? I haf wots of offur stuff too!” 

“Um, sure Amelia, dat sounds good,” I spoke behind my binky. 

Just as we were making our plans for the day, Auntie Dana showed back up, carrying a diaper, changing pad, and wipes, obviously ready to take care of Mommy business. 

“Okay, which one of you little girls wants to go first?” she asked. 

“Me Mommy! Me Mommy!” Amelia replied. 

“Well, Amelia it is, then!” Auntie Dana picked Amelia up and laid her on the changing table. She took out some clothes to get her dressed for the day. I guess it was best to probably take care of these two things at once. 

Auntie Dana made quick work of the diaper, rolling it up with the used wipes and putting a new diaper on before getting Amelia dressed, and helping her off the table. “Me-lia is…All Clean!” she said in a sing-song voice, before turning her attention to me. 

“Okay Jaclyn, it’s your turn. I don’t know if you’ll fit up here, so we’ll just change you down below, that sound good?” she asked, though I don’t know that she really expected an answer.

“Otay.” Was all I could reply. 

She laid the pad out, with the diaper and wipes on one side, and then patted it. “Come and lay down sweetie, this will just take a quick second and then I’ll leave you two to play.”

I did as I was told, and assumed the position. Auntie Dana expertly pulled down my leggings around my ankles, and off my feet, and then  popped my tapes off my diaper, and opened it. She moved it out of the way, and pushed my legs back towards my chest as she wiped my entire diaper area, teasing me the whole time about my “wet panties”. She unfolded the new diaper, and put me down on it, and taped it back up, and then had me stand up. 

“There we go, two dry girls, ready to take the world on, why don’t we bring your toys downstairs so that I can watch the two of you,” she told us. 

I stood there and looked on. “No weggings?” I asked. I did feel a little underdressed, especially given my outfits of the last few days. 

“No, not in the house, sweetie, it’s going to be easier for me to check you that way if you need a change,” Auntie Dana told me. 

Fair enough I thought. It actually did make a lot of sense. There was a wetness strip on the front, so that was easy enough to tell, and well, if I made a poopy, well, that wouldn’t be a hard check either. 

We grabbed some toys from Amelia’s room and headed downstairs. Dana put on a kids show in the background, I think it was Nick, Jr. with something on it, and we went about “playing”. It was a little weird for me; like I said, I’d never been around little kids before, and really, I didn’t know how to interact. I’d seen adults interact with little ones before, sure, but it wasn’t something I was necessarily accustomed to, nor was I really well equipped. In reality, it was just kind of awkward. Amelia had her pick of things, and we just kind of went to town. I got some Barbies out and made some noises in a pink convertible, and we made silly sounds and voices. 

Auntie Dana came out with a camera and started taking pictures of the two of us playing, “I really want to show Jaclyn’s mommy how well Jac-y is doing with her new friend today!”  After what seemed like a whole photo roll had been gone through, she went and put it back somewhere, before reemerging into the living room. 

“Well girls, lets get some breakfast for the two of you, I’ve made some special stuff for each of you that I think you’ll both like.”

We scooted into the kitchen, where a high-chair was setup, presumably for Amelia, as it was more geared for her size, and it had a plate of cut up fruit and some scrambled eggs on it. Next to that,  two other places were set. One had a plate with an omelet on it, and the other was what appeared to be a bunch of blended stuff, with a bottle of formula next to it. My spot, I assumed. It smelled good, certainly, but it definitely looked unappetizing. 

Auntie Dana must have caught my stare. “Honeybug, your mommy gave me instructions on your diet, and I made some stuff for you. It may not look the best, but I think it will be good, it beats the processed stuff they sell in the stores”, with a look that can be best described as a cross between a shrug and a smile.  

She added, “If you’re a good eater, I’ll let you have some of mine, too, I don’t know if I’ll eat everything.”

Didn’t sound like too bad of a deal, I supposed. This was my new reality, after all. I gave up my choice of food when I gave up control over my life’s affairs. 

“Since ‘Melia is getting to be a bigger girl, she’s going to eat, and I’ll feed you yours, so that’s why you’re next to me, you can’t eat this stuff with your fingers.”

I went and sat down, my diaper feeling like a pillow on the hard chairs. Certainly, diapers did have their drawbacks, but you couldn’t argue that the built-in cushion was one of them. Auntie Dana tied a bib around my neck, and began alternating eating her food with feeding me mine. When Auntie Dana went to eat hers, I alternated by taking drinks from the bottle. The formula was really, really unappetizing, and almost kind of bland. I guess it could have been worse, but as someone who had grown up chain-drinking Mountain Dew, things like this were never my favorite, though I can honestly say that I’d never been confused for a baby formula aficionado.

The food though? I can honestly say that I wasn’t the biggest fan of its texture, but it didn’t taste terrible. I’d assumed that it had some fruit and probably omelet mixed up in it, and like the formula, it probably could have been much worse. I imagined other pureed meals were in my future for the foreseeable future, and it was good to simply take the good with the bad. For her part, Auntie Dana shared some of her omelet with me, and well, that was really, really good. 

By the time that breakfast was over, I seemed to have colored glop all over my face, and Amelia had much the same kind of a mess on her tray, although it wasn’t as drastic as mine. Auntie Dana grabbed some baby wipes (which seemed to be located in every room of the house), and wiped my hands and face down, and then let Amelia off and did the same with her tray. She told us to go on and play, and we went back to doing what we’d been doing. 

As awkward as it had initially been, I felt like I was hitting my groove. We played for another few hours, and by that time, I think that both Amelia and I were in drastic need of a diaper change. She smelled a bit, and me, well, I was wet again. To be honest, I hadn’t really thought of it, I’d been so engrossed in playing that I just kind of let go as I went for the morning. I noticed Amelia grunting a bit, it seemed to be a universal sign amongst all of the toddlers and babies I’d been around (which admittedly was very few), but she kept on playing too. 

Soon, Auntie Dana came in, diapers in hand. “Well, it sure smells like someone here left a present for me, which one of you cuties is it?” 

Neither of us spoke, and just kind of stared awkwardly. 

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to check, then aren’t I?” she commented, “Jac-y, why don’t you come over here real quickly, did you make a stinky for your Auntie Dana?”

I blushed, “nuh uh” was about all I could say. 

“Well, let me check just to make sure,” she told me, and then proceeded to hike up my blouse, pulling out the back to look down. 

“Nope, not stinky, it looks like you’re pretty soaked though, so we’ll take care of that in just a short bit.”

“That means…Aaaameelia, did you make a stinky present for Mommy?”

“Nuh uh, it Jacwyn,” Amelia teased. 

“Are you saying that Jac-y pooped and put it in your diaper?”

“Yeah Mommy, yeah!”

“Let’s just check,” Auntie Dana was having a good time with this, and with a quick check of Amelia’s diaper, it was obvious what she’d done. 

“Well now it seems like we have the poopy culprit here, yes we do!” Auntie Dana said sweetly. 

“Let’s change you two girls out of your dirties and then we can go do something else fun,” she told us. 

“Otay” we both said in unison. 

Auntie Dana motioned for us, “C’mere, let’s get you changed”

She laid us both down next to each other, and changed my diaper first, and then had me lay there while she finished changing Amelia’s dirty diaper. At that point, I had never felt so little. Here I was, having my diaper changed, and then had to lay down while the toddler I was playing with had much of the same thing done. It was kind of comforting, I guess. I didn’t have a care in the world at this point, and it was nice just to have my bottom dry again. I’m sure Amelia was glad to be out of hers, too. 

“Well girls, you need to leave your toys here, and I’ve got some fun for us to do, do you know what it is?”

We both kind of stared like deer looking at an oncoming car.

“Fingerpaints!” Dana told us. 

Really, Dana was probably the best parent that a little kid could have. She was so energetic, so happy, and just really tried to make things fun for everyone. I’m sure there were some trying moments, as there usually are, but she seemed to really embrace this role as a mom and quite frankly, she was as good a babysitter as anyone could have, too. 

Auntie Dana stripped us both down to our respective diapers, and had us go to the table, where she’d set up a whole station of things. 

“Now I want you both to make some pretty pictures for me and for Jac-y’s Mommy, go on and paint your masterpieces.”

I sat there, not knowing what really to do or paint. Should I do something kind of un-baby-like, or should I just go crazy with lines and lots of other oddball things? I chose the latter. It honestly was a riot; I loved art as it was, and to be able to really let my little creative juices flow made it that much more enjoyable. By the end of the time, I’d come up with some things that could have resembled, fish, powerlines, or anything else that a person well-versed in symbolism may have interpreted as some sort of sign or something. 

We both had our fun, though I don’t think that Auntie Dana took any joy in having to clean the mess up. There was paint everywhere, on the table, on us, on the paper, on the floor; we’d really done a number. I saw why she had stripped us down to our diapers; there would have been a lot of paint smears and stains on everything else. 

Once she was done cleaning us up, she let us go outside and play in their back yard, and then go lunch ready. 

The back yard was great; it reminded me of a forest in the middle of affluent suburbia. There were big trees, lots of plants, and a great swing set and playhouse that was obviously for both Natalie and Amelia. Amelia and I went down the slides, ran through the trees, watched the birds, and got all of our excess energy out just by running. The cool and crisp air felt nice on my bare legs, and though I fell on my bottom a few times, it was obviously cushioned from the falls. 

Soon, Auntie Dana appeared outside, “It’s lunch time girls!” 

We both stopped what we were doing, though Amelia was a little defiant about it. I knew better than to cross someone, especially a babysitter, and I went ahead in. Amelia pouted about not wanting to come back inside, but after a few (seemingly) idle threats by Auntie Dana, Amelia came in too. 

Once again, I had the pleasure of some pureed food, this time macaroni, cheese and hot dogs, and Amelia got to eat the solid versions. Auntie Dana had an appetizing looking salad, and just like the morning, took it upon herself to feed me while she ate as well. She was very adept at it; her multi-tasking skills seemed unparalleled, other than maybe Mommy’s. The one bright spot about this lunch though was that I got to drink a baby bottle filled with the juice that Mommy liked to buy for me; she’d sent over some for me to drink during the day, and honestly, it gave me a nice break from the pureed mush that I was eating.  Just like the morning, Amelia and I both made messes that were cleaned up by a dose of baby wipes. 

Once we were finished, Auntie Dana had us go play for a little more while she cleaned up the mess at the table. After probably 10 minutes, she came into our play space and announced that it was time for a nap. 

“Let me check both your diapers before I put you down.”

She checked, and though I was a little wet, she didn’t think it was necessary to change me yet, though she did change Amelia again. 

“I’m going to take Amelia up to her crib to lay her down, and if you don’t mind, I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket and you can rest on the couch if you’d like,” she told me.

What was I going to say? “That sucks?” 

“Otay Auntie Dana,” I told her. 

I figured that this nap time would probably give Auntie Dana a much-needed break to do some adult things, catch up on TV, read a book or something; she’d been going 90 miles an hour all day between dealing with Amelia and I. We’d all win here, and we’d all get some rest. It was good for someone like Auntie Dana, who obviously loved being a mom, to get some adult time outside of the kid realm once in a while; I’m sure that she looked forward to this part of the day every day, although not in a bad way. 

She took Amelia upstairs, and then came back down with a pink Disney Princess blanket and a pillow, before popping a binkie in my mouth, and grabbing my hand to take me to the couch.

“Why don’t you come over here and lay down for a few hours? When you both wake up, we can go pick Natalie up from school, she’s really excited to see you.”

I nodded, and got on the couch, laying my head on the pillow. I really was tired; the anxiety had caught up to me, and though all of my fears had been quelled, my brain working overtime didn’t help matters. As I sucked on my pacifier, my eyes got heavier and I felt some pee trickle into my diaper. I was curious to see what the rest of the afternoon would bring. I’d certainly been uneasy about this whole thing this morning, but you know what? It hadn’t been too terrible. A little awkward at first, yes, but I figured I’d kind of gotten the hang of it. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, things kind of seemed like they were right.  
 

[Secretstash]

These chapters are amazing, even though we know where Jaclyn ends up, the journey from A to B is shaping up to be awesome

I’m not gonna be one of these people the demands more and more, but do you have a release schedule? Also these chapters are meatyyyy, are you writing as you go or several chapters already in the can, as they say? Not trying to push you or be nosy, just curiosity :)

[Sarah Penguin]

Enjoying this story though Jocklyn is not acting like a 9 month old like her mommy told her I think.  Maybe crawling around in a playpen. Though our protaganist seems just baby ignorent instead of ignoring the mommy's rules. Dana should know unless Mommy forgot to mention it to Dana in her morning rush. )