This is me

[Dlbychoice]

Hi to all my like minded peeps. 

I thought I would talk a little about myself, where I have come from and where I hope to be going. I'm not sure where this will go but as time permits I will add. But for now. 

I'm a guy from Durban South Africa, I'm 44, happily married for 19 years with two daughters age 14 and 11 respectively. I own my own automotive workshop. 

I have been into nappies for a long time. I can't as some can say that I remember liking nappies before my teens bit I can certainly say that I remember once at the age of probably 13 or 14 going to the local supermarket and buying some baby nappies. This was after I found a used (I know it disgusting) baby nappy on the side walk. I picked it up and took it home with me and tried it. I have no idea what I was thinking at the time and what actually drew me to the nappy. Anyway, so I went and bought a pack of baby nappies and hid them under my bed mattress. After they were finished I never thought about them again. 

Fast forward to about 6 years ago. I had a job where I traveled my region extensively by car and would spend one or two nights away. At some point I saw adult nappies and without thinking I bought them and tried them out. It was amazing. So I started wearing on and off secretly. 

Then about 3 or 4 years ago, I  got to the point where I needed to tell someone. I didn't want to hide it from my wife any longer. So I got the courage up and told my wife. As everyone says when telling someone. There were lots of questions etc. She was accepting initially then wasn't then she was then she wasn't. This went on and on. Everytime we spoke about it we would fight. I was even accused of only wanting to talk about it. But in my view when one has unresolved issues one wants to talk it out. 

Over the years I have tired getting my wife to be apart of this by asking her to put me in my nappies or by asking howy nappy is. Small things. I even got "theres a baby in my bed" to help me and my wife to understand this side of me better. To her credit she started reading but became angry and refused to read any further. She said it was very one sided. So time went by and i eventually approached the subject again. (by the way all through this time I have been wearing on and off and around her and around the house). 

I asked her how she is doing with me and my nappies. She said she has accepted it but still doesn't want anything to do with it. 

Going back a bit she gave me some rules. Most importantly was to hid it from our girls and family. Which I have done really well. 

Since then upto now I do feel my wife has slowly been more and more accepting. Just recently I went to her scared as hell and asked her to put a nappy on my. She said she would try. She put it on me with my guidance. Not very well but the point is she did it. Since I have asked her twice more and she has obliged. 

This has got me  bit confused. Why I say this is because where is she in me wearing nappies? I want to talk to her just to see where she is but it scares me. For the simple reason, I don't want to fight with her or be accused of only wanting to talk about my nappies. 

I have taken a lot up in supporting my wife in the day to day running of the house. I always check on her to see if she OK and I always try my best to make her feel loved. I have for a long time felt that it's a one way relationship because I try support her as much as I can and she doesn't want to support me in the one thing I would love for her to support me in. She does support me in other ways. But for obvious reasons that's not what I am looking for. I suppose I will have to bite the bullet and speak to her again. 

Anyway that's about all the time I have. Just needed to speak my mind. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

 

[oznl]

This is rapidly turning into more of a novel than a post but maybe there is something in it that may be of use:

Like yourself, I found an abyss of asymmetrical expectation in my marriage...  It's something that I'm still trying to process mentally today.

 

[PullUpDiaperLover]

Similar experiences here. I like you I suppressed my ABDL side until much later in life, picking it back up again in my 30s in earnest and actually becoming consistent in my 40's . Not sure if there is something to it or not. Maybe with maturity it becomes easier to except your immature side? Anyhow, I have boundaries as well. Making sure my 2 kids don't see stuff, no wearing on Sundays, family outings generally, holiday trips and vacations, ect. Not always being in a diaper for sex. Once those boundaries are set and your wife accepts you for who you are, things work out. It takes time for sure.

[rusty pins]

All I will say is be careful and don't push it too hard.  The more people do it, the more desires they have to keep doing it and doing it more and more.  I sound like a broken record, but I believe in a good healthy balance between regular normal life and the AB/DL lifestyle.  You have a wife and two beautiful girls, a successful business and all.  Just don't let your desires overcome your judgement and press it so much that the wife decides on divorce.  If that happens and it all comes out in court, your diapered lifestyle could be seen as reason to deny you visitations with your girls, or at the least, supervised visits only.  You could lose half your business and the house in the settlement and end up paying child support and alimony (depending on the laws in South Africa).  Is it worth all that, possibly breaking up your family over increased desires to wear diapers and involve your wife?

[Dlbychoice]

Thanks all for your messages. 

There is a lot of stuff I have left out just to try and keep it short. Hahaha

I should have mentioned that our marriage is very strong. I have no doubt in it. We have been through all the difference things married couples go through in the Abdl side. For instance I said I would give it up. But I did warn that it might not work out. True as nuts. It didn't last long. The fights were more like arguments. We are both strong headed people. So, we do butt heads on other issues. But not often. I know our love for each other is strong. We both won't give up on that. 

My wife has in the past said that she would put me in nappies if that is what I want. But i respect my wife way too much to do that to her. I have made it clear to her that I only want her to do it if she is happy and willing to do it. I refuse to make her do it because I want it to be something intimate and special between us. Not a "I'll do it for you and not me" type scenario. There is nothing worse than having to do something you dont want to do.

I think, actually I'm sure she has realized that nappies are part of my life and to some degree hers. 

Ever since I told her about my Dl side she has improved. She doesn't mind me wearing whenever I want. When I started wearing to bed on and off she would make there was duvet or a blanket between us. To now sleeping under the same duvet and on the odd occasion cuddling together. Most of the time initiated by her. So credit is due to her and I always give her credit. 

 

 

[oliver d]

Howzit 

First of all welcome,I fully understand where you come from as I have been in the same boat as you.I told my wife the first time a year after we got married she told me I think its disgusting and I do not want to have anything to do with it soI never discussed it again with.I wore when she was not at home with  the kids through the years.The next time I came out to her about it was after she had an accident and her outlook on life changed.Now she tolarates it and accepts it is part of who I am  but will not take part witch is fine by me.Sometimes  she even buys me diapers out of the blue.My wife has become more accepting as the years have gone by.Best advice I can give you go with the flow.

[Dlbychoice]

On 10/7/2019 at 2:08 PM, oznl said:

This is rapidly turning into more of a novel than a post but maybe there is something in it that may be of use:

Like yourself, I found an abyss of asymmetrical expectation in my marriage...  It's something that I'm still trying to process mentally today.

 

Thanks OZNL

Sorry it took a while to reply. Been really busy lately. It also took a bit of time to read through your thread. Very interesting. Something I don't agree with but there is a lot that I can relate to. 

Although it is limited, I am lucky that my wife does sort of participate. She will put me in a nappy if I can work up the courage to ask. Over the last few weeks months, I have asked her to put me in my nappy and she has obliged. I wouldn't say her heart is in it and it's more clinical. Half hearted type thing. 

The other day I had just showered and she was still in bed. I laid down next to her to put my nappy on. By the way she doesn't mind me putting a nappy on in front of her. Anyway I did all the necessary and was about to pull the nappy up when I asked her 9f she wanted to do it. She leaned over, I pulled the nappy up and she put the left side tapes on. Then rolled back over again. I had to finish the right side. 

The other times she has done the whole thing but didn't really pull the nappy tight. I had to redo the tapes so the fit was correct. 

But I cannot complain. 

The one thing I have which is stupid. For some reason if my wife goes to bed before me. I tend to think twice about putting a nappy on to sleep in. It's so, stupid. She has gotten used to me changing into a nappy and even put me in nappies and yet I feel awkward putting a nappy on for bed with her next to me. I am working on this. 

I have been 24/7 for a week now. I'm into my second week. Yesterday morning after my shower I laid down to put a nappy on and thought do I want a nappy on. Then I had this sudden feeling of, I'm not ready to be out of nappies. So put my nappy on and carried on with my day. 

I have done 24/7 stints on and off for a long time. Longest time was a month. But runni g up to my current stint. I was doing a week at a time. This time I'm just going with it and see what happens. 

Anyway. Chat soon again 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

I can really relate to your situation.  There is such a difference between acceptance and participation when it comes to a significant other and diapers.  There is also a differenece between acceptance and toleration.  As @rusty pins preaches it is so much easier if you can find a healthy balance between diapers and real life.  Unfortunately for some people that simply is not possible.  I speak from experience as I personally was unable to maintain a healthy balance until I actually started wearing diapers permanently.  Everyone is different and so is everyone's relationship with their partner.

I can talk very openly with my wife about diapers.  This was only possible once I truthfully admitted to myself that diapers where here to stay and I needed to wear them.  Before I would fight my desire to wear diapers.  It caused a lot of confusion and hurt feelings for both my wife and I.  It simply was an uphill battle that I could not win.  Just as I chose I needed to wear diapers permanently my wife chose to accept that.

Acceptance has many forms however.  My wife understands and accepts that I need to wear diapers permanently.  It does not mean she has to like the fact.  My wife has told me many times that when you love someone you deal with who they are.  My wife smokes which I personally do not like.  However, I accept that smoking is something she needs to do.

I think the biggest issue for a male that is an ABDL is that almost all of us desire for our partner to be a Mommy/Daddy or caregiver.  Babies need to be cared for and punished when they are bad.  We need our diaper changed and a nipple popped into our mouth.  It is not as real when you are forced to regress alone.  My wife is what I would call an off and on Mommy.  Sometimes I am breastfeeding and having my diaper changed daily and other times she does not participate for months.  This is very confusing and hurtful to me.  That is because I am being selfish.  My wife does not want to be my Mommy she wants to be my partner.  I should be extremely thankful when she elects to entertain my fetish and not upset at her when she does not.  I know this but still desire for her to be Mommy all the time.  It is a hard thing to live with.

What I have learned over years of diapers in our marriage is you really need to take what you can get.  Be thankful if your partner participates and try, try, try your hardest to not be upset when they do not.  That is what this forum is to me.  When I am feeling lack of attention from my Mommy I often share my feelings here or PM long time members for their wisdom and advice.  I know some dream about having a wife as accepting and understanding as the one I am married to.  However, I know and understand she will never be the Mommy I want her to be.

The normal woman is just simply not biologically programmed to have a baby as a mate.  It goes against what evolution has genetically programmed into her being.  Loving someone can and often times counteracts this.  In some rare cases you get a Mommy like @mamabug who actually wants to be a full time Mommy and is turned on by the fact her partner wants to be a baby.  Women like her are few and far in between.  You as the one who wears diapers needs to try your best to understand this and be patient with your partner when she is not all about your diaper fetish.

In your situation I would keep being honest and forthright with your feelings while doing your best to respect your wife's feelings.  Take what she offers you and use this forum to cry to when you feel lonely.

 

[Dlbychoice]

Hi Mark

I have read a lot of your posts in DD. Thank you for taking the time to respond to this thread. 

My wife didn't have good pregnancy's. Not medically. But she really didn't like being pregnant. I always used to say I cannot understand how she couldn't enjoy it and what I would do to experience something that is so unique. Feeling that little human being moving around inside. 

Then when my girls were born they suffered from reflux. My wife pretty much spent her maternaty leave listening to screaming babies and nothing she did would help. I remember going home in my lunch break just to give her a break. 

So her experience with babies hasn't been the best. So having a husband as a baby is like the last thing in the universe she wants to deal with. She also says that she was made to change her one grand parents nappies as a teen ager. That makes me very angry. How can ones parents make you change your grand parents nappies. It's not your responsibility as a teen ager. Also seeing your grand parent in that way must scare you for life. 

So again I don't blame my wife for not wanting to be involved in my nappies. 

So once again I will say that I am very greatful, although frustrating for me, for the little participation my wife takes part in. 

As for my baby side. I'm still not sure if I have a strong baby side or not. I do have a couple of onesies and dummies and I do now sleep with a teddy. I can't imagine not sleeping with a teddy now. Lol. 

But even when I have the house to myself for a while day. My baby side doesn't really come out. I think it's because I am scared to let it out for fear of been found out others people other than my wife. By the way I have spoken to my wife about it. Also I'm scared of letting it out and going so deep that I can't get myself put of it without someones help. Then I don't have many things to do as a baby. I have a coloring book but that about it. I also think, with being able to sleep with a teddy and sucking on a dummy now and then satisfies my baby side. Honestly I don't know. I think it's something that I would need either my wife or someone to help me experience to figure it out. 

But for now. I am happy with just loving my nappies and been able to have a forum I can talk on without being judged. 

 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

3 hours ago, Dlbychoice said:

Hi Mark

I have read a lot of your posts in DD. Thank you for taking the time to respond to this thread. 

My wife didn't have good pregnancy's. Not medically. But she really didn't like being pregnant. I always used to say I cannot understand how she couldn't enjoy it and what I would do to experience something that is so unique. Feeling that little human being moving around inside. 

Then when my girls were born they suffered from reflux. My wife pretty much spent her maternaty leave listening to screaming babies and nothing she did would help. I remember going home in my lunch break just to give her a break. 

So her experience with babies hasn't been the best. So having a husband as a baby is like the last thing in the universe she wants to deal with. She also says that she was made to change her one grand parents nappies as a teen ager. That makes me very angry. How can ones parents make you change your grand parents nappies. It's not your responsibility as a teen ager. Also seeing your grand parent in that way must scare you for life. 

So again I don't blame my wife for not wanting to be involved in my nappies. 

So once again I will say that I am very greatful, although frustrating for me, for the little participation my wife takes part in. 

As for my baby side. I'm still not sure if I have a strong baby side or not. I do have a couple of onesies and dummies and I do now sleep with a teddy. I can't imagine not sleeping with a teddy now. Lol. 

But even when I have the house to myself for a while day. My baby side doesn't really come out. I think it's because I am scared to let it out for fear of been found out others people other than my wife. By the way I have spoken to my wife about it. Also I'm scared of letting it out and going so deep that I can't get myself put of it without someones help. Then I don't have many things to do as a baby. I have a coloring book but that about it. I also think, with being able to sleep with a teddy and sucking on a dummy now and then satisfies my baby side. Honestly I don't know. I think it's something that I would need either my wife or someone to help me experience to figure it out. 

But for now. I am happy with just loving my nappies and been able to have a forum I can talk on without being judged. 

 

My wife also changed her grandparents diapers...both her grandfather and grandmother.  I actually have always felt that made her a literal expert on adult diaper changing.  If you look at the pictures I have posted of her changing my diaper you can see how she uses her forearm to perfection.  I have been diapered by two other women and she by far is the best hands down.

When we first got together messy diaper changes were okay but she will never change a messy diaper now that she is older.  She asked me to not unpotty train myself to become dual incontinent and I have respected her wishes.  As my muscles become weaker and weaker from untraining my bladder so do my bowels.  I have openly discussed with her that I honestly feel I will eventually lose complete control of my bowels as an indirect result of unpotty training my bladder.  I have already experienced several accidents where I could simply not hold my mess anymore.  Often times my diaper has bowel leakage in it when she changes me.  Sometimes she reacts to it and sometimes she does not.  She will not wipe my bottom crack ever.  It is so amazing how things can change over time.  I am not sure what will happen if I do become fully incontinent.  We will have cross that padded bridge when if we get there. 

I am different than you in that my need to be in diapers stems from an neverending desire to be humiliated.  Interestingly enough halving bad bowel control as a child indirectly led to these desires.  I would say I am a diaper lover more so than an adult baby but I most definitely desire to be a little girl at times.  I still have a reoccurring dream that I would like my bedroom to be a nursery.

With my wife being an expert diaper changer and someone who is primarily sexually pleasured by having her nipples sucked on you would think she was a Mommy meant to be.  She has certainly been that at times.  Are biggest hurdle is I am sexual all the time and she is sexual every blue moon so our schedules most definitely conflict if that makes any since.

Please keep sharing your feelings with us here as we are here to support you.

 

[Dlbychoice]

So I have been 24/7 for two weeks now. Before anyone asks if this is planned and something I'm driving towards. The answer is, I don't know. I just started wearing 24/7 and enjoying it. I'm not setting any goals trying to become dependent on nappies. I'm just wearing because it feels right. It feels like something I have to do. I don't feel that I'll be out of nappies for now. I'm just taking it one day at a time. If it stays like this in the near future, so be it.  

My wife hasn't said a word. I do t think I get that quick look at my crotch area anymore. Or I'm just not looking for it. I know she does look out for me and tell me to pull my shirt down and watch how I'm sitting as my nappy is peaking out. Not because she doesn't want to see it. It's because of the kids. 

On the note of the kids, I have a strong feeling they know or at least k ow something. Simply because I may have been caught out once by my eldest daughter. I know they have asked my wife one or two questions. Not sure what the questions were. My wife just told me they were asking questions and she told them to ask me. Which they have never done. 

 It for now life goes on. Unchallenged by my wife and going about life as if everything is normal but enjoying my nappies and changing them. 

I don't know if anyone will agree with me. But the feeling of putting on a clean nappy in the morning after a shower is just wonderful. 

 

[oliver d]

Good for you if it feels right go for it.As for your kids knowing ,they know even if they dont let on. Mine knew but never said a word to any one of us .They both told me they knew when I told them when my daughter was 16/17 and my son was 21 both of them except the fact that I wear and like diapers.

[Dlbychoice]

Week 3 of 24/7 done. Not that I had a goal. But it's good to acknowledge these things. 

I bought new jeans that are bigger and hide my nappy better. I'm not sure if it was the right move. Lol. My old pair were smaller and held my nappy in place really well. Where as my new pair doesn't and I end up with a nappy sagging. Rrrrr. At least I feel more comfortable. 

Still nothing on my wife's side. Although she had my bank card to go buy some groceries and forgot to give it back to me. I needed to go buy myself new nappies but couldn't. My wife was very apologetic and when we went for our weekly shop, she asked if I wanted to go buy what I needed while she did the other shopping. I said no as where we were is too risky and there a lot of people we know that use the Same shopping center. I normally go to another shopping center not to far away which I know the risk is minimized. 

Any way that it for now. 

[Dlbychoice]

So I'm coming to the end of my supply only because I haven't had chance to go buy more. 

I'm at a cross roads. Do I go buy more and carry on or do I go back to normal underwear. 

The thing is I'm so comfortable in my nappies. Being in nappies 24/7 for nearly 4 weeks now has been a good experience. If I go beyond 4 weeks it will be the longest I have been 24/7. Such a hard decision to make. I want to talk to my wife about it but the subject is sensitive. 

What do you all think. Probably I should talk to my wife. 

[oliver d]

Yes try to speak to your wife,also if you plan on wearing permanently get into a mind set people see you buying diapers so what most people will think its for a medical proplem and are to ebrassent to as about it trust even your friends.

[Dlbychoice]

So I have been out of nappies since Friday afternoon for two reasons. First and main reason is because i have run out completely and haven't had the time to go and buy more. 

Second, I need to find out where my wife is with all this. I have not been able to bring it up as she has just been promoted and has a shit load on her shoulders. To complicate things she has decided to go on a diet. Which is fantastic. However the diet is taking a toll on her. With both things I am 1000% behind her and supporting her. 

But yesterday and this morning........ Was such a grumpy little shit. I can't say for sure if it is related to my nappies or lack thereof or not. I do think it's a combination of frustration not been able to talk to the one and only person that knows and the lack of being in a nappy. 

While I was 24/7 for the last month l. I did feel better but at the same time nearvous and worried of how my wife was handling me being in nappies 24/7. 

Have I got to a place in my life where I only identify myself and my happiness when I'm in a nappy? Don't get me wrong i have plenty of love and happiness outside of nappies. I have a good life with or without nappies. But, deep inside, are nappies what maoe me feel complete?

Im a person that needs to make sure my wife is good and always worry that am I doing enough for her to make her life as easy as possible. Nappies complicate this in my opinion. 

But anyway. I have sent her a message apologizing for my behavior and asked to have a heart to heart with her. She has responded to say that we can chat tonight. 

[Dlbychoice]

So the "talk" happened last night. 

There has been a great improvement as to how we talk about the subject. In the past it would get rather heated. But last night it was very civil. 

That's the good parts of our talk. Now for the reality. 

Straight aft my wife saw to my youngest daughter to bed she came and sat down. The first thing she said was. Our daughter just asked her why does Daddy wear nappies. My wife tells me she told My daughter she doesn't know and tried to make light of it and that was it. My response was that my wife must tell her to ask me directly. My wife's responded by saying she probably won't and that I must talk to her myself. I told my wife that I will talk to my daughter if she asks me. I will not just bring the subject up. It's like me bringing our sex life up and discussing it with my daughters. It's not going to happen unless they approach me. I told my wife she is more than welcome to encourage my daughters to ask me directly. 

Anyway the rest of the conversation didn't go well. Or should I say in my favour. My wife started imposing rules. She is happy for me to wear but. She doesn't want to see them, if I wear around the house I must hide them better than what I have been. (side note on this. I have larger than normal shorts and jeans etc in order to hide them as best as possible. But that's not good enough). Or I cannot wear when the kids are home. Which is basically always. She doesn't want me to wear when we go out. She doesn't want to have to deal with the subject should something happen whilst we are out. I cannot wear when my kids have friends over. As she doesn't want them to have to explain to their friends. But if I am wearing and either our friends/family or our kids friends come over, then it's fine. So basically I can only wear when I am home alone. Which would be maybe half a day on the weekends. These were rules that came into play when I first came out to my wife. They weren't very successful. 

My wife however said that it's absolutely fine to wear to bed. If it helps me sleep better. To be honest they do help me sleep better because I don't nwant to have to get up during the night to go to the loo. I told my wife with considering all the above that isn't acceptable. I have been a DL for long time now been wearing whenever I feel and want. To limit wearing at night and no other time is like giving a dog a bone and then taking it away again. 

Toput in terms for her to understand. It's like me telling her that she can go see her horses but she is not aloud to ride or train them. She can stand outside of the fence and watch them but that's it. (I haven't said that to her yet) 

I asked her about her putting nappies o me when I ask her. She said she does it because I need it. Not because she is willing or want to do it. 

So hereis my wife trying to impose rules and one being she doesn't want to see them but will put a nappy on me if I ask. 

So I have told her that nothing in our conversation has been positive and I am a person that identifies themselves as happy when my wife and kids are happy. It's just my personality. I live to serve. 

With all things considered. It's not worth while me perusing my nappy use even though they do help me in many ways. But they have driven a wedge between myself and my wife and that's not cool at all. So Ihave told her I'm not buying a new supply for now. I can't say if it will last. I will also put whatever I have (wet wipes, bum cream, dummies etc) away and that's it. I even put my teddy away. 

So she has got her way for now and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the situation from here on out. 

Please, if you are going to comment on this I don't want to see any bad mouthing my wife. I don't want see advise along the lines of discontinue the relationship. That's not going to happen. This is just me talking to like minded people and trying to get things off my chest so that I feel better and get in with life. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

I think your decision to not wear diapers permanently is a very wise one.  At the end of the day you have to decide what is more important to you, diapers or your partner's happiness.  You are a better person than I am because for me personally the answer was diapers.

Making the decision to wear diapers permanently and becoming diaper dependant changes both your life and your partner's life forever.  For most female partners it is such a mental burden to bare particularly if they do not share the same diaper desires. 

When it comes to a partner who is with a significant other that desires to wear diapers often times feelings and acceptance changes over time.  This can be for better or worse.  I know for my wife, as our relationship grew and our love became stronger she learned to accept and understand why I needed to be diapered permanently.  She most definitely is in love with me, not my diapers.  

I am surprised in the short time you were wearing diapers permanently that your children found out so quickly.  Before I decided to wear diapers permanently I did take the necessary steps to keep my diaper wearing as discreet as possible.  Onesies and fixing panties go a long way keeping your secret a secret.  Where I could not give up wearing diapers for my wife I do know purchasing and researching ways to be more discreet about being diapered was greatly appreciated.  With your children knowing it does complicate things and I am sure makes it hard for your wife.  Biologically she is programmed to protect her offspring and generally a man in diapers will put most women in protection mode.  This cannot be good for your sitiation.

It is great you are communicating openly and honestly.  This is so necessary despite the feelings that can get hurt.  I applaud you for your decision and I hope over time your situation may change for the better.

[Dlbychoice]

Hi Mark

Thanks for your reply and support. 

Just to clarify and few things. I have been wearing nappies on and off for at least 6 years now. I have done 24/7 for a week and so on before. So it's not a new thing and a sudden discovery by my kids I don't think. I know questions have been asked in the past. 

 At this atage I wouldn't say I'm not going to wear permanently. Rather it's in a holding pattern. But the length of time I don't know. 

There was one thing I meant to have included about my wife telling me that our daughter asked her about me wearing nappies last night. I found it rather coincidental. The very same night that my wife and I were set to discuss me wearing.  Don't get me wrong, I trust and believe my wife. But, that coming up right before we were set to discuss.... Does make me question. 

If I have to be very honest with myself. Today was a very hard day for me. I'm not myself at the moment. The discussion and decisions made last night has hit me hard. Actually I was OK all day at work. But then I got home and I changed. I am very withdrawn and aloof. Don't want to talk to anyone. I rather do everything that needs to be done around the house myself. I don't want my wife's help in anything. 

I suppose it's part of the process when something is ripped from you. Suppose in a weird funny way I'm in moarning. 

Well it's still earlish at 8:45pm and already in bed. Very unusual for me. But I suppose in a way with a house full of peoples that I don't feel upto talking to, it's my escape. 

Have a great evening or day wherever you are in the wonderfull and beautiful world of ours. 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

3 hours ago, Dlbychoice said:

Hi Mark

Thanks for your reply and support. 

Just to clarify and few things. I have been wearing nappies on and off for at least 6 years now. I have done 24/7 for a week and so on before. So it's not a new thing and a sudden discovery by my kids I don't think. I know questions have been asked in the past. 

 At this atage I wouldn't say I'm not going to wear permanently. Rather it's in a holding pattern. But the length of time I don't know. 

There was one thing I meant to have included about my wife telling me that our daughter asked her about me wearing nappies last night. I found it rather coincidental. The very same night that my wife and I were set to discuss me wearing.  Don't get me wrong, I trust and believe my wife. But, that coming up right before we were set to discuss.... Does make me question. 

If I have to be very honest with myself. Today was a very hard day for me. I'm not myself at the moment. The discussion and decisions made last night has hit me hard. Actually I was OK all day at work. But then I got home and I changed. I am very withdrawn and aloof. Don't want to talk to anyone. I rather do everything that needs to be done around the house myself. I don't want my wife's help in anything. 

I suppose it's part of the process when something is ripped from you. Suppose in a weird funny way I'm in moarning. 

Well it's still earlish at 8:45pm and already in bed. Very unusual for me. But I suppose in a way with a house full of peoples that I don't feel upto talking to, it's my escape. 

Have a great evening or day wherever you are in the wonderfull and beautiful world of ours. 

You and I share very similar desires.  I attempted to go through this adjustment period in the past when my wife would be unaccepting of my diaper wearing and I would mentally find myself miserable and unfocused.  For me these feelings did not get better and even started to lead to resentment towards my wife.  Diapers have become a need for you and that want and desire will most likely never go away.

I honestly feel you need to share how you feel with your wife.  At first with my wife I never really articulated my true NEED to wear diapers and by not doing so she did not really understand how important it was for me to wear them.  Remember, at this point diapers will be on your mind constantly and I imagine your wife is barely giving the padding that was once between your legs a second thought.  If it was me I wouod sit down with her again and be truthful about your feelings.

[Dlbychoice]

Hi Mark

Thank you for your reply. 

Something I hace realized through all this and other experiences not related to the current discussion in anyway. When I am faced with a confrontation l tend to loose my words and respond only to certain things. I hate it. Only afterward do I start thinking. Why didn't I say this or say that. When I prepare to talk to my wife a out this, I have so much I want to say. But at the time all those thoughts disappear. So frustrating. 

I will try gather all my thoughts and I think I will put it down in writing. Then go from there. 

[oliver d]

Hi 

let me try to give you some advice witch worked for me I did not have the talk with my wife face to face straight away when I finally came clean about wanting to wear diapers.I wrote her a letter telling her my feelings and the reasons why I wanted to wear.Only after she read it and thought about it did we have a real heart to heart talk about me wearing diapers.My advice to you write your thoughts and how you really feel down in a ordered fashion tell her everything and leave her the letter to read afterwards dont just expect an answer give her time to think about what you wrote.I fully relate to the situation you are in I have been there.

[Dlbychoice]

Thanks for the reply. 

I'm one step ahead of you. I have written a letter but I haven't given it to her yet as I want to edit it. I tend to get a little over emotional and frustrated when writing things down. So I need to sensor it a bit. Otherwise it's probably going to be world War 3

I must say that I have been doing really well with not wearing nappies this week. Besides the grumpyness and very little communication with my wife. This especially coming out of 24/7 for a month. Nappies have been on my mind pretty much the whole time but it hasn't stopped me from carrying on with my day. Stopping myself saying stuff it and going out and buying new stock. However today I had a very stressful meeting I had to attend. Only after the meeting which seemed to work out well. On my way back to my office I felt the need for a nappy. It's the weirdest feeling. I could feel the need/want deep down inside me and that phantom feeling down in the nappy area as if I was wearing a nappy. My nappy area screaming out at me saying I need a nappy. The correlation between the two was weird. It also showed me that nappies are not a sexual thing for me. It is truly an emotional and sensory thing for me. 

Here I am a "MAN" getting all emotional and soppy on you all.

[oliver d]

Hi 

Sorry forgot to tell to organize your thoughts and to as many edits as needed of what you want to say to,it took me close to a week to get everything organized and written how I wanted it to be.I have the same proplem as you I also  get over emotional and lost in what I want to say face to face.By writing my wife that letter I was able to exactly get down what I wanted to say to her with not getting lost for words.

You said your from Durbs where? I used go a lot to Salt rock and more up the North Coast to St Lucia ,Cape Vidal and Sordwana bay to go diving many years ago.

[Dlbychoice]

Update

For the last week I have formulating a letter to my wife. Editing it and editing it. Then yesterday morning I tell my wife that I have been given a free ticket to a business conference in Cape Town. She proceeds to give me her opinion and it's a waste of money etc. I didn't want her opinion, I was just telling her that I received this ticket. I hadn't even thought a put going. Boy did it make me angry. My head space at the time and for the last week was. Life will be good if I complied with my wife and my wife's way is the only way. So when she gave me her opinion. I was like, so it doesn't fit into your life and you dont want to be inconvenienced so I'm not allowed type of thing. I Didnt say that to her. 

So we go on our way for the day and I'm so angry. Then I was browsing FB and came across this aclrtical about men have pains too. It all about how women take for granted that men don't have feelings. Men don't have the problems they have. Men don't have emotions etc. It ends saying men also hurt they also have problems they also need emotional support etc. So I sent this to my wife telling her that she made me very angry and I came across this article. I get his phone call from apologizing for her actions and can we talk some more in the evening. 

To cut it short. We get to bed and nothing has been said yet beside my wife coming to me as soon as I walk on the door telling me she is sorry and she isn't on a good place at work and she hasn't been thinking straight. So I told her that we will take later. 

Anyway. We go to bed and nothing further is said. I get my phone out and continue working on the letter. She turns over and asks me. To talk to her. Jump a little ahead and I end up reading my letter to her. I used her horse as an analogy and told her I want her to get rid of the horses and gave her a whole lot of reasons. I then asked her to tell mehow she felt about it. As predicted she said she felt hurt and why would I do that to her. So I asked her how does she think I feel about her making me stop wearing nappies. We went on and on. Talking about how I feel and what she is so scared of. To her credit she said that she not worried what she thinks about me in nappies. She is trying to protect me from others so that others don't view me differently. I can understand her point of view and I thanked her for it. But I asked her instead of us working against each other with this problem. Why don't we rather become a team and work together to make it work and make it better. She asked how, honestly at this time I don't have the answer. She ended up eventually saying. If I want to wear then I must. But said in a way that she sounded defeated. With my wife it's all or nothing. With that view I said that it's not acceptable and because she is resigning herself and giving up I said it doesn't feel right and I will continue not to wear. However I will decide how I will proceed even if I do it in secret which I don't want because I don't like keeping secrets from her. 

We pretty much left it there. But as we were going to sleep she rolled over and said in the nicest and supportive way that if I need to wear nappies I must do so. I told her I will think about it. 

There was a lot more said but I wasnt going to bore you all with all the details. So at this stage writing this all I want to do is go out and buy nappies and put one on but at the same time I don't know what to do. 

What's your thoughts. What do you think I should do?