Audrey & Staycee - A Calibeen Story

[YourFNF]

 

This whole conversation is a trip. XD

Keep this in mind when you read Velvet!!

As for exposing Mt. Calibeen... I don't think it would go very well. They have... methods in place.  To ensure they are safeguarded.  And when it comes to the sequel, it's a possibility.  But it won't be for a while.  

I can say with certainty at least MOST of the people who are there do deserve it.  And don't worry about getting turned on by Audrey - who isn't?  

OKAY!!! New chapters today!

Methods? I mean alarms can be hacked, guards can be tasered and ziptied, a little thermite will take care of just about any lock. What do they have that would counter an armed and prepared team of militarized grey hats? Some kind of lock out that wipes the server's as a safe guard? But judging by your reaction it's probably more than that. The obvious answer would some kind of hypnotic flash as an automated defense but none of us would have the necessary genetic coding to be susceptible and we'd all be wearing full face coverage masks or tinted visors so there should be zero effect. 

 

As for the last part. I just feel shame and guilt for getting any enjoyment out of what these people are going through. Nobody deserves this and I know I can't help my reactions but.....

 

I seriously want to make that bastard technician confess on camera. He would have all sorts of fun in prison.

[Sophie ♥]

 

As for the last part. I just feel shame and guilt for getting any enjoyment out of what these people are going through. Nobody deserves this and I know I can't help my reactions but.....

It's just a story.  Pudding and I write a lot of stories that elude to "women being less than men" or "men being forced to act/dress/become a woman as punishment".  Which is obviously RIDICULOUS.  Most of these stories are actually completely contrary to our personal real-life beliefs.  And obviously that cognitive dissonance can cause shame or guilt.  But it's understanding the difference between fiction and reality, you know?  It's okay that you get this enjoyment out of Audrey, because in real life, if this ever really happened?  You'd join that tactical ops team breaking in to shut this place down.

[YourFNF]

 

It's just a story.  Pudding and I write a lot of stories that elude to "women being less than men" or "men being forced to act/dress/become a woman as punishment".  Which is obviously RIDICULOUS.  Most of these stories are actually completely contrary to our personal real-life beliefs.  And obviously that cognitive dissonance can cause shame or guilt.  But it's understanding the difference between fiction and reality, you know?  It's okay that you get this enjoyment out of Audrey, because in real life, if this ever really happened?  You'd join that tactical ops team breaking in to shut this place down.

Yeah honestly I don't even need an excuse to mentally flog myself, so if given one....

 

I guess I could think of it as feeling good knowing that these two found some kind of happiness in an absolutely fucked beyond all reason situation. Hell if the orange cheeto stages a coupe in the next five years and I wind up in camp finding someone like that would probably be one of the few things that would keep me from charging the fence, machine guns be damned.

 

****

@pg. 97

 

Oh thank you sweet Rama Krishna. Ok that son of bitch is going to die at the end of his confession vid. Assuming they don't give him an optogenetic lobotomy first. And Rochelle for what you did, if you agree to testify we'll forgo the doxing and even setup new identity papers.

[Sophie ♥]

TIME BETWEEN

PART I: Forever Falling

"Awd'y…? Awd'y…?" I gently shook the sleeping girl and bit my lip as I sat by her on the bed, dark rings under my eyes and a drawn and worried expression on my face. Her eyes flickered open only for the shortest amount of time and I didn't want to lose that spark. "Awd'y… wake up, pease… pease…?" Our room was the same as always, though Cass was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Velvet. In fact, I hadn't seen much of anybody since Audrey showed up in the bed two days ago. I'd taken care of her, though! I'm a good girlfriend. I fed her water through a bottle, and took care of her diapers and kept her clean, but nobody else had been around, and she'd stayed in her slumber. I didn't know what had happened, only that the door was locked from the outside.

Vel… "Velvet… where's…" I sat up a bit too quickly and my head spun, and the next moment I was back on the bed again.  Something was very wrong… everything felt so strange… "Velvet was… she was trying to help me talk…" I tried again to sit up, but this time Staycee held me down.  It was probably the first time I realized where I was.  It was my room - not Velvet's… "Wait… what happened…?"

"Iono… was napping on the fwoor an' woke up an' you were here an' ain't seen no one else. Wha' happen?" I squeezed her hand softly and then gently helped her up into a sitting position as best I could - though on my third day without milk I was feeling fatigued and shaken. We had two bottles when this began, but I'd given one each per day to Audrey to keep her strength up, to give her the strength to wake up. And I was glad I did! I just felt so rotten.

I sat up in a dizzy haze and looked toward the door.  What time was it…?  Did I miss dinner?  Where was Cass?  So many questions… "I visited… Velvet.  And… and she wanted to help me talk.  So… I went into the… the hypnotism… thing… and I don't remember.  Everything just went dark." I blinked a little at my speech.  It sounded… wrong.  Or right.  Oh!  I looked over at Staycee in shock, but she seemed just as surprised. "I'm talking normal." Granted, I still sounded like a six year old girl, but it was as normal as normal got for me.

I found myself incredibly jealous as I made the same realization Audrey did: her impediment was entirely gone. What had happened? They'd used the Hypno room to help her talk? Her voice without the impediment was so lovely and adorable and airy and I couldn't help but smile when she spoke. "Awd'y sound so cute!" I smiled and squeezed her hand. "Um. We be in here fo' um… two days. I fink. Hard to tell time 'cause I no sleep… wan' protect you." I wondered, thoughtfully, if this meant Audrey would be able to talk around other people now, too.

"Two… days?" I blinked a few times before that realization hit me.  Two days without Velvet… was she in trouble?  Did they do something to her?  Was what she did against the rules?  But she was an employee - they couldn't do anything past firing her.  Still, I didn't want her fired, either.  She was my only friend… "We gotta find Velvet." I hurried to the door and tugged at it, but it wouldn't pop open.  I looked back at Staycee in panic.

"Wh… wha' happen? Why Velvet… tell me, pease?" I was so exhausted, so confused and all I wanted to do now was cuddle up in bed with my girlfriend and sleep forever.  But instead I got up off the bed and followed her to the door, my stomach cramping and my head swimming. "Swow down… tell me wha' happen?" I looked at the door with a pout and frowned. I could open the door. I had before. But we'd get in so much trouble if I did.

"I told you!  Velvet hypnotized me because she wanted to talk and I can't." Of course, I might be able to now.  I still didn't understand that… "Maybe she's in trouble.  I just blacked out.  And I'm worried… but she won't be.  She's staff.  She'll be fine…" But my voice was void of all confidence. "Why can I talk like this, anyway?  I lost this…"

"Iono… you lucky…" I smiled, but I'm sure my envy bled through into my voice as I spoke. My hand ran up the side of the door frame and eventually found the embedded release near the top - it was something every Second knew about and was only for if there was an emergency. We'd be in trouble and we'd been so good, but if Audrey thought it was important, that was good enough for me. The door clicked and I took her hand in mine. "We gon' get twouble, Awd'y… but twust you." I kissed her cheek and managed a brave smile.

There were no alarms sounded or anything, so I guessed that was good sign.  I stepped into the hallway and quickly ran down toward Velvet's room.  Staycee followed behind me, and I found myself thinking aloud. "Maybe the hypnotism was interrupted.  Maybe they took her or something, and that's why I didn't wake up.  Or maybe the connection broke, or maybe she just… lost me." I really had no idea how this stuff worked, but I needed to figure out what happened.  I wanted my only friend to be safe. I hurried up to her door - one fifteen - and knocked as quickly as I could.  Answer… come on, answer…

It was an older man who answered the door with a raised eyebrow and a frown. "Can I help you girls? It's quite far outside lesson hours, you should come back in the morning. Or will I have to call for the orderlies?" I didn't get it - where was Velvet? I frowned and looked at the man and then at Audrey and tried to work out what was happening; I still didn't know if she could talk so I offered up the question myself. "Where Velvet?" The man shook his head. "Miss Velvet has been… relieved of her duties." He had a little smile to his words, though, like he knew something we didn't and that made me uneasy. "You mean she fiwed?" "Oh, not really, no. She's still with the company. She's just been relocated."

Velvet wasn't here?  I shook my head, tears pouring down my cheeks.  I quickly stuck my thumb in my mouth, but it didn't help.  The lights made me dizzy and a feeling of dread in my stomach echoed a thousand times.  It was my fault.  Something bad was happening to her right now, and it was my fault… and the next moment, darkness found me again and I fell to the hallway floor.

The man knelt down to check on Audrey but the moment he did I pushed him away and seethed. "Stay 'way from my Awd'y!" I got to my hands and knees and shook her shoulders gently as I could while still being firm, as the man slipped back into the Hypno room to call for the orderlies. "Wa-up, wa-up! Awd'y! Awd'y! We twouble, pease wa-up, pease…" I was shaking her a bit rougher now; I just wanted her to wake up, wanted her to be safe before they got here. I would take all the blame, keep her safe: that was my job.

The darkness and the cold was the same as before: something was very wrong.  I sat there for a long while, trying to find my way out.  I tried calling for Velvet, but she didn't answer.  I knew Staycee would be waiting beside me, trying to wake me up, but somewhere in my head, I knew Velvet was the only one who could help.  They'd messed up - the facility - and this was the reaction.  It was days - weeks maybe - before my eyes opened.  And again, I wasn't in the same place I'd blacked out.

It wasn't our room we were in when Audrey came to and I sat up softly; I'd been sitting on a chair by the side of the bed with my head down on the edge of her covers. They hadn't let me in at first, when the Doctors had arrived to check on her, when they realized something was wrong, when they took her away. But I wouldn't let them be rid of me and eventually it was easier for them just to let me stay. And that's where I'd stayed, for thirty-nine days: by the edge of my girlfriend’s bed in the medical wing of the facility. Doctor's came and went, nurses more often, and occasionally someone would bring me a piece of fruit or a slice of toast; someone showing pity but not pity enough to get in trouble over. And when she woke, I swore it was a dream the way it had been the first half a dozen times. I blinked wearily and laid my head back down, closing my eyes. She's not awake… it's a dream.

My fingers trembled as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes - I felt so weak… "Staycee…?" I had a lot of trouble moving, but I managed to sit up in my bed, just barely.  Staycee looked up at me blankly and I started to wonder what had happened.  It only took another moment for her eyes to spark to life and grab my hand.  She kept asking if it was really me, but I just nodded.  I felt so weak.  I looked around the room, so hospital-like.  A ginger girl, ten feet away, slept in her own bed with her own IV drip; it was only then I’d noticed the one placed in my wrist.  What was going on?

Feeling her hand in mine, feeling her squeeze back when I squeezed and her angelic girly voice, it was a blissful moment than made the time I'd waited seem like a distant, faded memory. I kissed her chapped lips and crawled up onto the bed, cuddling up as close as I could to my frail little girl. "Missed you, Awd'y… they say… they say you migh' not wake up… got so scared but only for a wil' bit cause you pwomised you never weave me… so I knew… I knew… you be okay." I kissed her cheek and cuddled in a little closer, just wanting for her to squeeze me and tell me it would all be okay. Being strong all this time had been agonizing.

I hugged Staycee tight against me.  Her voice had changed, her lisp less prominent.  How long had it been?  Had she been practicing or something?  I curled up close to her and played with her hair, kissing her forehead over and over.  Still, the physical movements were so strenuous… "Staycee… what's happening?  Why are we here?"

"Um… we…" I took a breath and focused on my words the way I'd been working on - it was hard to learn to talk properly when your speech coach was eternally asleep, and I'd hoped to make a good first impression but I'd already blown that. Still, I tried. "We're…  we are in the medical wing." I beamed proudly. No impediment for an entire sentence! It was a small victory, but I held onto it with a sense of pride. "Doctor's… didn' know wha' wrong wif you…" Okay, not quite so good. "Did lots of scans… um… didn' see Velvet though… but heard a nurse talking 'bout her."

I looked curiously at my girlfriend, feeling my heart rate increasing.  Velvet; I'd forgotten.  My missing friend… "What do we know?" Stay calm, Audrey.  We'll find her.  We'll make it all better.  Just one step at a time.  The old man said she wasn't fired, but that might not be a good thing.  What did this company do with the people who pissed them off?  

"Um…" I focused on the past month, trying to remember the things I'd heard - people tended to forget I was here because I didn't talk to anybody else and only practiced my words when I was alone with Audrey. I guess there was an irony there, that I'd become the mute while she'd slept. "One nurse said somefin' about the new girl in F Wing, but didn' mention a name. An'… another nurse says she 'should have known her place' an tha' she was 'lucky she was allow work here at all'. Iono wha' any of that means, though." I felt woefully disappointing to Awd'y, that in a month that was the bulk of the intel I'd been able to gather. "Sowwy… dun know more." My voice slipped a little as I got stressed and critical of myself, and that just made me feel worse.

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands.  New girl.  That could mean so many different things, and it might not even be Velvet.  But they wouldn't bounce her back to the program - I was pretty sure that was illegal.  Maybe she was transferred, maybe demoted.  I wasn't sure, but it didn't sound good.  'Should have known her place'.  I sighed and looked at Staycee with an exhausted smile. "I'm going to call a doctor.  You have to ask about Velvet.  You have to make sure the doctor understands that she knows how to fix me.  She does.  I'm sure of it." Or maybe I spent too much time dreaming…

I bit my lip and nodded softly; truth of the matter was that I was a wreck, unwell and unrested and depressed beneath my stable facade. I thought she was gone, I thought I'd lost her. And that thought was difficult to reconcile, even as she sat up before me. When she spoke about Velvet being able to fix her... she meant she was still sick. And that made my chest ache. But I'd do what I could, I'd help until I couldn't physically do so. She called for the doctor with the button and when the woman arrived, I waited. "Oh good, you're awake. I trust you're well? I'll have the nurses come check you out." I took a breath. "Awd-ree… needs Velvet. Only… Velvet can fix her…" The doctor frowned and looked concerned. "Miss Velvet is unavailable at this time. What do you mean, child? When you say only Velvet can fix her? Do you know what's causing her problems?”

I didn't even bother trying to talk.  To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to talk to the doctor anyway.  Instead, I shook my head, but pointed to Staycee with the most assured expression I could muster.  If she didn't believe me, I'd slip again.  I wasn't sure when, but I knew it would happen.  And next time I might not wake up.  

"Please. She… Velvet was doin' stuff.. um… Hypno stuff. An' somefin' happened an' an'… maybe…" I knew the look of fear in Audrey's eyes, I knew it without being told. I knew what it meant. I bit my lip and looked down. "… if Velvet dun' fix her… she might be broke for good… an' never wake up…" The doctor sighed and looked down at her clipboard. "Miss Velvet is being held for Phase Zero re-conditioning. We're only waiting on the court order allowing it. You'll find she's quite unable to help right now." The doctor turned and left, standing outside the curtain and talking to the nurses. Phase Zero… Velvet? I bit my lip harder and looked at Audrey. "She say… held. Means… means still time…"

Phase Zero. I shook my head, slowly to begin, and then so much faster.  The nausea was instantaneous and I started to cry.  This was my fault.  She was there and it was because of me. She was about to lose herself the same way we lost ourselves… the same way she had once already… all because of me. I felt my heart race and my chest pound and everything spun… everything got worse, and everything got dark.  And again, I all I could feel was cold and alone.  No screaming would help anymore, and no one was going to save me this time…
 

[Guilyn]

 

This whole conversation is a trip. XD

As someone who studies physcology i always find stories that effect the persons mind the most interesting.  Drugs can play a big part in altering how somene thinks but it alone generally doesnt do it, the story is tells it is extremely well thought out. I dont want to ruin the story for those that have read it all so i have tobe carefull. Its great to see that while the drugs have an effect what is truly effecting their minds is how they are treated and by extention how they view themselves. Like i said before i could see a universe like this taking off much like the Diaper Diminsions stories.  :-)

[YourFNF]

@pg. 125 Honestly if I was Audrey and I had just received this information, what I'd do is wait, hold on till I get out, then grab Stacie and head for Canada. Once there I can blow the whistle safely. Submit an asylum application.

[Pudding]

 

Like i said before i could see a universe like this taking off much like the Diaper Diminsions stories.  :-)

I would love if people liked our stuff enough to make a shared universe out of them!

[Sophie ♥]

For the record, ANYONE can use Project Calibeen in their stories!   That'd be super awesome!

[YourFNF]

 

I would love if people liked our stuff enough to make a shared universe out of them!

Well given how I'm itching to bash these fascists I could see myself writing a story about a group of hacktivist vigilantes, doctors, and Fox Mulder types in the government fighting a shadow war with these people.

Trying to think of a badass group name.

 

Also who the hell would sign up for something like this?

[ELLIE52]

I've not read today's release, but you sure have YourFNF fired up.  Is is possible for you to send me the pdf for this one as well?

[Sophie ♥]

@Pudding - Did you catch that?  

For everyone else - I should have the rest of this story up by tomorrow!

[YourFNF]

 

I've not read today's release, but you sure have YourFNF fired up.  Is is possible for you to send me the pdf for this one as well?

Apparently I'm getting a reputation

lol

 

[Pudding]

 

I've not read today's release, but you sure have YourFNF fired up.  Is is possible for you to send me the pdf for this one as well?

Done

[Sophie ♥]

PART II: Running Circles

"Come on. Wake up. Wake up sweetie." The voice was soft and sweet. Velvet's. There were warning alarms going off in every direction, and red flashing klaxons strobed the hospital bed with light. Everything was in disarray, but there wasn't anything that caused the sleeping girl to stir until those seven words from that girl’s voice. Audrey's eyes opened slowly and Velvet smiled sweetly, but urgently. "We gotta go, beautiful girl. Come on. Staycee's bought us some time."

I didn’t understand, but it didn't seem like I'd be given the chance to understand, either.  Velvet tugged me up off the mattress and to my feet.  I almost fell over right there, but Velvet helped me stay standing; she was so much shorter than me without her heels.  Where's Staycee? What's going on? Velvet, what's happening? But no words came out.

"We'll talk later, come on." Velvet knew she didn't have much time - that stressors could make the girl fade again - that the schism in her head was left wide open and it needed to be sealed. But here wasn't the time or the place to do so. She tugged the girl out past the curtains, and from down the hall came shouting and panicking; even the sound of a gunshot. A gunshot, in this place. "The external guards have been called in, they're going to lock this place down. We gotta go, come on." She half pulled, half-carried the taller girl down the hall as the red lights danced across every single surface.

The further from sleep I got, the more difficult I found trying to talk, trying to move.  No, no, no!  I had questions!  I needed answers!  I couldn't let this happen - not now!  Not without my Staycee… I shook my head, unable to get out a single syllable. I kept slipping into sleep. Fucking lights - fucking sirens!  Stop waking me up!  We made it to the end of the corridor before Velvet helped me through a door to the stairs.  We went up, though - not down - and it was only halfway up the first set that I felt myself drifting.  Staycee… where was Staycee…

"Stay with me, precious, come on." Velvet set the girl down on the stairs and slid her hand along the girls cheek, directing her gaze. "Staycee needs us, and if we let her down I think the wedding might not work out so great. Come on. Oh, and by the way? Salamander." The pep-talk probably helped some, but the trigger word, something Velvet always left behind, flushed away all anxiety for a time - useful for rebellious candidates - but she also figured it would help keep the girl from fading away. There were so many stairs, though, stairs that led upwards, and voices from far below.

It was horribly difficult to stand - I wasn't sure how long I was in the bed, but as I climbed the stairs after Velvet I was beginning to think it was far longer than not.  It was only three flights later that I felt my legs give out.  I whimpered quietly as my elbows hit the concrete and Velvet helped me to my feet again.  My legs hurt so badly… but this was for Staycee.  I had to get to the top…

Velvet wound up picking up Audrey three more times, all-but-carried her the last two flights of stairs and finally… agonized, exhausted and all out of adrenaline, the pair barreled out the door at the top and into the woodlands. From outside, it was clear the true nature of the facility; the little door that made up the top of the fire escape was set into a small cement protrusion, but the rest of the facility was very clearly underground. "Staycee will be that way." Velvet motioned to the hillside leading down and smiled. "At least its downhill, right?"

Downhill mattered very little.  I was excited at first, but I learned the dangers pretty early on.  Whereas it was easier to go down than up, it was a little too easy to go down, and with my legs giving out every few steps, I found myself rolling down the hill far more than once.  It was at the bottom of the hill, then ground leveled out, that I finally gave up.  I couldn't walk anymore.  I couldn't.  My legs ached so badly, and my head was spinning, and there was still no Staycee…

"Over here, come on." Velvet didn't let go of the girl’s hand once, not until she reached the shrubbery thirty yards away and began to pull it out of the way, revealing a large grate about three feet across and leading down to a shaft. And in the shaft, clinging to a ladder with an exhausted look on my face, I looked up from the darkness and smiled. "Hey Awd'y." I was so nonchalant, so casual, so very me the first day we met. And Velvet dug her hand into her pocket and pulled out a small pocket tool that resembled a heavy iron key with a two prongs forming a T-shape at the end. She fumbled with it and slid it into an opening at the top of the grate, then turned it with a heavy 'chunk' sound. "Come on, Audrey. Help me." The diminutive tech hooked her fingers into the steel grate and began to lift, but it was clear she'd be unable to do it alone, and holding onto the ladder below, I wouldn't be much good.

I couldn't stand.  I just couldn't.  But I managed to pull myself onto my knees and help Velvet lift the grate.  The metal disc barely moved, but it was just enough to slide it out of the way.  I smiled proudly to myself as Staycee climbed out of the hole in the ground and helped Velvet put the cover back on.  I was done, though.  I cuddled up on the grass and closed my eyes.  I wanted so badly to sleep, but I knew it wasn't safe yet.

I sat up in the grass and pulled Audrey's head to rest on my lap as Velvet straddled her stomach and let her hand rest on the girl’s cheek. "You gotta listen to me now, Audrey. It's important. You have to work with me. You have to listen so carefully, and you have to do everything I say. And it's going to mean Staycee hears things you might not want her to hear, but you have to trust me, 'cause we don't have much time. Do you understand?" I wasn't sure what I'd find out; Velvet had refused to mention up until now and so I stayed quiet and ran my fingers through her hair. We might have only had a half hour before we had to be off this mountain top, but unless we could fix Audrey we wouldn't even make it halfway. So here we sat, exposed, out in the open, with a girl I didn't trust about to peel apart my girlfriend’s mind.

I nodded my head, my eyes still closed.  I trusted Velvet.  She'd been only kind to me since the first day, and she knew, now.  She understood, and she didn't blame me.  That was enough.  I couldn't move, though, and I wasn't sure I could open my eyes anymore, so I prayed whatever she needed didn't involve those two things.  I didn't want to sleep - not here, not when we weren't safe - but I didn't know what else I could do.

"Follow my voice and remember where we went the last time we were together. Remember the chair, remember talking to me? It's so easy to talk to me, so easy to relax and follow my voice and find your own words from mine." She didn't have time for a proper induction, but with Audrey so close to the end of consciousness she didn't really need to. My hands continued to play with her hair as Velvet spoke calmly and in a level tone. "Let's go back to that moment, together, to telling me what happened. Nobody understood, nobody listened. But I listened, didn't I, Audrey? I listened, and I understood. Isn't that right?" She was tense in my arms, trembling a little, but still awake, still listening, still focused on Velvet's words.

"Uh… huh…" I wasn't in the dark, not with Velvet here, not with her words, shining and warm.  I was in the white endless nothingness, but Velvet was there.  Not caporal, no, but she was the light around me.  I smiled softly.  She understood.  She listened.  Trust Velvet - she'll fix it.  She's an expert at these things.

"She told you not to change, not to lose yourself, but you haven't, Audrey. Your picture had changed but those wonderful qualities that she loved, those things that made you the sort of person who'd do such a wonderful thing… compassion, understanding, faith and truth and trust; they're all there. Your name has changed, and your body perhaps, but all that's done has made those things she loved about you so much more prominent. In becoming Audrey you've become so much more you, not less. More compassionate, more kind, more loving and caring and beautiful. Nobody could possibly love you as much as Staycee does without those things." I didn't know what had happened, what Audrey's secret was, her crime. I listened to Velvet's words but couldn't put the pieces together. It was okay, though; I didn't need to know, I only needed for her to be safe.

Velvet's words made sense, probably more sense than they should have.  I guess that was the thing about hypnotism.  I sat quietly in my white abyss, thinking on what Velvet had said. "But she… she liked me, then… and I don't even know me then.  I don't know how the same I am, or how different, if I'm still me.  The boy she loved…" Then a thought came and my lights flickered.  Darkness.  Light.  Darkness.  Light.  I closed my eyes tight and trembled. "She'd be so disappointed…"

"She'd be so proud, and I only know this because you told me she would be. It's your own belief that she'd be proud of who you are now, proud of your kindness, proud of your cheerful smile, proud of the fact that you love Staycee with all your heart and soul. You told me she would only want you to love someone who could love you back as strongly, someone who would be devoted to you, who'd give everything just to see your smile. She never wanted for you to be alone, Audrey." Velvet's words never changed in inflection or tone, steady, simple, flowing, like running water. "It would never matter to her that you're a girl, that you love a girl that once was a boy. She never valued such trivial things. She only begged that the part of you that helped her never be extinguished, that your flame of compassion burn bright for all to see. Because you are the most dazzling person she ever knew; your flame burned brightest."

"It's gone, now…" Wasn't it?  I had no flame.  I had failed her, in the end, the same way I'd failed Staycee the past week or month or however long it was, the same way I’d failed Velvet, my only friend.  And I'd failed her too… "There's no dazzling, Velvet… there's nothing…" The light faded, again, and Velvet felt so very far away. "There's no light.  No fire.  No… anything…" And again, I found myself alone.  But I wanted it this time.  I deserved it…

"You're the reason Staycee saved me. You're the reason she fights, the reason she did everything she did to get us all free, the reason I kept my mind even after ten weeks as a Zero. Your fire burns so bright, Audrey. It burns bright enough for us to see in the darkness of our own personal Hells, bright enough to light a flame inside of us, bright enough to inspire us to greatness. You think you're in darkness, emptiness, solitude, but Audrey… open your eyes and see how brightly you burn. See the love in Staycee's eyes, see the trust in mine." She was trembling as Velvet spoke, but as the words went on Audrey began to calm and quieten and I wasn't sure if it meant the words were working, or if they weren't, but I felt a warmth in my chest that had to erupt in words, words that echoed in the darkness. "I love you, Audrey. You're my world. I'm nothing without your love."

I was still without energy, and I still had no idea how long I was asleep on the ground, and I still had so many questions I didn't have answers to, but we didn't have time.  Velvet led the way - she clearly knew her way better than the both of us - through the trees and across small roads.  We stayed off the main roads, though - we knew better.  My head was still wretchedly foggy, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember what Velvet had asked of me, but things felt… better.  Not perfect, but better.

The woodland continued on for an age and I'd been so busy keeping Audrey focused, that the first three times it happened, I didn't notice Velvet clutch her stomach in pain. I noticed it this time though; the small girl letting out a little squeal as she knelt down and cuddled her knees, her eyes squeezed tight. "Velvet? Are you… are you okay?" I put my hand on her shoulder but she playfully swatted it away and forced an unconvincing smile. "I'm fine. Just lady problems, that's all." I bit my lip and nodded, and we continued through the woodland together, Audrey holding my hand and Velvet a few paces ahead. How far were we from civilization?

The sun fell slowly on the horizon, far off to the right.  I whimpered every few steps until, finally, I collapsed on my hands and knees.  Velvet looked back and I tried to stand again, but it simply wasn't happening. "We can rest." I gave a small thankful nod up to Velvet as she sat down, holding her stomach.  Staycee, again, put my head on her lap and played with my hair.  There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask the both of them, but I still couldn't speak.  I needed to fix this.  Could Velvet do it?  I could ask in the morning…

We didn't dare light a fire for fear of drawing attention to ourselves, but thankfully the air was fairly warm as it was; which I guess placed us in the warmer side of the year.  I tried to figure out how old I was now, how long we'd been in that dreadful place, but keeping track of time was so difficult. Velvet propped herself up against a tree-trunk and forced a smile as Audrey drifted off in my lap and once she was asleep I cast a curious glance across to the young tech. "She can't talk around you, around anyone. Can you… fix it? I miss her voice so very much…" Calm and easy as I was now, my own impediment was minimal, but still slightly evident. Velvet looked pained - I wasn't sure if it was physical or anguish, but she forced a smile either way. "I can make her able to talk around me, but her muteness is something she'll need to conquer over time. You'll help her though, right?" "We both will." "Yeah. We will. Okay, hold up, is she asleep?" I nodded softly and Velvet winced as she crawled over and began to whisper to the sleeping girl.

I didn't want to get up, I really didn't.  I knew there was so much more walking to do, and I hadn't had a real meal in who-knows-how-long.  I pulled myself to my feet and whined at the pain in my soles.  It had been so long since I walked anywhere serious… "How much further?" Both the other girls were awake, though neither had stood up yet.  Oh, wait… "I can talk!  Hey!"

I shot a grateful smile to Velvet and she managed an exhausted look back, then rubbed her eyes with her hands, the sleep obviously having done nothing for her. My focus shifted to my elated girlfriend and I smiled properly, biting my lip coyly. "Yes you can. An' your voice is jus' as cute as I 'member." I frowned as I relapsed into my impediment and took a breath. "I mean. Your voice is just as cute as I remember." Talking properly was a conscious effort, but I'd had the time to practice and hoped it would impress Audrey.

Maybe it was because it was the first instance of my being lucid, but I hadn't taken in exactly what we were wearing.  Staycee's nightie was nowhere near an adult style, and while I didn't mind her wearing a First's gown, I didn't think the general public would be too happy once we reached a town.  Velvet, however, was wearing only a terrycloth robe; she looked more like she'd just jumped out of the shower.  And I was in a hospital gown - a very revealing hospital gown.  I quickly stitched up the back with a bit of difficulty, noting the diaper hidden beneath it.  It was very wet, but not messy.  I wasn't sure why I was surprised to be wearing it - coma patients don't usually get over incontinence in their sleep.

Velvet looked down and winced with a frown, trying to keep her calm demeanor; her pains seemed to be coming more rapidly now but anytime I'd even think to question them she gave me a stern glance, because I'd already asked, I supposed. We were all in diapers, and all in various states of problems with them, and I had no idea how far we were from safety. What was safety, anyway? We were fugitives, now. We had to lay low forever, or else try and blow the case open on the horrors that occurred within. "How far, Velvet?" She got to her feet with a deep breath and winced. "Um. This way. Come on." It didn't exactly answer my question, but I took Audrey's hand in mine and we began to follow.

We weren't going to the nearest town - that's what Velvet said.  We were going to a place a little more public, harder to locate a specific someone.  The idea of it made me horribly anxious, but I decided to trust her.  She was a smart girl. "So…" Talking felt strange, like I’d just had a tongue ring removed. "Does anyone wanna fill me in?  Like maybe why I kept passing out?  And what happened with the Phase Zero stuff?"

I couldn't answer much of what Audrey had asked, so I cuddled up to her arm as we walked and Velvet started to explain. The woods were starting to thin out a little, but we still had coverage from the air and that made me somewhat more confident in our chances of escape; despite our bright white clothes, we were probably undetectable from the air. "None of what we…" She winced and corrected herself, clutching her tummy. "They do is bulletproof. I mean; the process is much better than standard hypnosis but there are still particular emotions that are strong enough to cause instability. Love and guilt are the two that register as the most likely to destabilize a Phase One, which is why you're not encouraged to feel either. They disassociate you from your old life early on, be it by reward and punishment, the milk addiction or through the Hypno sessions; that way guilt isn't an issue." We stopped walking for long enough for Velvet to turn around and catch her breath, a thin sheen of sweat across her perfect skin. "But when I put you under to help you talk, you reconnected with your guilt. Usually that would unravel the conditioning, but your time as a Zero made that impossible, so a dam burst in your head and you started to drown. Each time you got your head above the water level, it rose higher, and so you took longer to make it back to the surface again. I wasn't even sure I'd be able to rescue you by this point, but you responded to my voice."

I followed quietly; talking was still new to me and I had trouble getting used to it.  But I understood what Velvet was saying: how hypnosis was a controlled thing, and they had to keep those variables in check.  I was even confident I would have been fine if the facility hadn't of interfered.  They did, didn't they? "What happened?  The first time I fell asleep?  You were gone when I woke up…" If they'd left Velvet from the start, I could've been safe.  She understood what she was doing - they didn't.  Assholes.

"You went into a form of shock; I needed to give you a few minutes of downtime before I could help to mitigate things, but they arrived and shut me down. Unauthorized use of company resources, conflict of interest and betrayal of confidence. I'm not sure what happened to you afterward; I was brought before the tribunal and charged with six counts of treason against the company, and then they took the case to the court and tried me for crimes against the state." I couldn't believe what I was hearing; all because Velvet had tried to help, all because she'd been a decent human being, they'd tried her as a criminal. "You not a criminal, Velvet." Velvet shrugged and smirked a little. "Not anymore, but I was. I was a pretty dreadful human being."

Staycee didn't know what she did.  I winced and looked at my feet as we walked.  I never got the chance to tell her, but it didn't matter to me.  It might change her perception of herself, but she was still Staycee in my book.  That boy was gone, now.  Was my boy gone, too?  I couldn't even remember his name… "Velvet… do you know my name?  Before?  The one I'm not allowed to know?" I felt sick asking, but my curiosity got the better of me. "I need to know what she called me…"

There was a part of Velvet that deeply considered the ramifications of her telling Audrey what she'd asked, but she decided that she'd had enough of controlling peoples thoughts. So she simply smiled. "Colin. That was your name." She felt prudent to add in, though, almost as an afterthought but an important one. "Audrey is your name, now, though. It's important you remember that, because every wonderful quality that made up who you were is now tied to that name. You can't go back, but you can go forward." It seemed like such an awkward concept, but Velvet knew that Audrey understood at least on a basic level. There could be no Colin anymore; but that wasn't a bad thing, just a different thing.

"Colin…" It struck so few chords in my head, and that made me worry.  Still, it was right.  I knew that much.  So she called me Colin… "I wish I could see her.  Just… just ask if she still likes me like this." It was my biggest fear, even bigger than going back to that place.  If they'd have only taken my memories of her and spared me, or if they'd left me alone and let me be me, I'd have cooperated, wouldn't I?  But I didn't, and that's why I was the way I was…

I bit my lip and squeezed Audrey's hand, finally managing a few words. "Wha' happen, Awd'y…? Wif' you?" It was clear I was anxious asking the question from the severity of my impediment, but I figured if Velvet knew, maybe she might be willing to tell me, too. "You dun' gots tell me if you dun' wan', but… maybe you also tell..." I went quiet and just squeezed her hand. I didn't know if I wanted to know what I'd done; I figured if she told me what she'd done I'd want to know what I'd done, too. But I didn't even know if I'd be able to handle it.

I got very quiet, staring at my feet as we walked.  I couldn't tell her; she wouldn't understand.  Velvet did, but she was unique.  She understood the way the mind worked, enough to control it.  But Staycee wouldn't understand, no one did, not until Velvet came around.  Even my family didn't.  How could I hope for anything when even they wouldn't?

"You dun' gotta… I jus'… I know, here?" I motioned to my chest. "Know you not like us… know you’re not s'posed be here. You not the same as any other person here, you're not broken like I was, like every'wun else. You’re not a bad person. I know I a bad person, know Cass a bad person. I know Velvet a bad person. We better now, but we were bad. But I knew from… from moment I met you tha' you weren't a'sposed to be here…" I bit my lip as my impediment deteriorated drastically and my hand squeezed hers a little tighter.

"I had a friend… my best friend…" Velvet didn't turn around, didn't look at us.  She was giving us privacy, or whatever the walking-in-the-woods-escaping-persecution equivalent to privacy was.  I shook my head and felt tears drip down my cheeks.  My chest started to ache - ache the same way it had before, when I'd fainted three times already.  But this time I didn't have the solace of darkness taking me; I stayed lucid. "Catherine.  Her name was Catherine… "
 

[Sophie ♥]

PART III: Queen of Hearts

We walked in complete silence for a very long time.  No one spoke a word after Catherine’s name, and I waited for the tears to dry and the numbness to kick in.  It would save me, I was sure.  I spoke, though so very quietly.  Velvet could probably hear, but she showed no indication. "Catherine and I met in eighth grade.  I was thirteen.  She was always… different.  Eccentric then.  Bold.  Wonderful…" My words were so monotonous - it was like I didn't even care.  But it was so much the opposite - I was this way because I cared too much. "When she hit fifteen, things were different.  I always thought she was introspective, and I'd find her crying a lot.  I'd ask what was wrong, but she never knew.  I said she should see a doctor.  Doctors make this better.  I thought that, anyway, back then…" Velvet looked back, then, and gave the most apologetic look before turning forward again.  We continued to walk. "She was scared.  She didn't want to be crazy.  She said so many times how horrible it would be to be shipped away to a mental hospital.  A fate worse than death, she called it.  And I understand that, now, why she thought that.  It really is terrible… the way they think of you… so lowly… so wrong… like you're not human."  I closed my eyes in attempts to shut out the memories, but I didn't stop talking. "Catherine got worse, until one day, she was just happy.  So much happier.  I was so relieved, I couldn't describe.  She invited me over that day.  Her parents were never home until five or six, and we had time to ourselves.  I thought maybe we'd play some video games, or she'd draw for me.  Things we used to do before, you know?  But she had other plans… I love you, she said.  Not in that way, but I love you.  And you're the brightest thing in the world.  And that's how I know you'll understand…" I was trembling, though, and the tears had started back up.  And still, I felt none of it. "She told me… Colin…" It was so nice to put that puzzle piece back in place. "Colin, I want to die.  And no matter what happens, no matter what you say and do right now, I'm still going to want it.  Catherine was wrong, though, because I didn't understand.  She took a handful of pills - something of her mom's, something she'd researched, and put her head in my lap.  She told me stories of happier times, when we were younger, and she told me how much happier she'd be when I finally found her in Heaven.  But she went quiet, and her eyes were bleeding, and I didn't understand.  If I'd just listened… if I was a good friend to Catherine… if I just pretended to know what she meant… none of this would have happened.  She would have died.  Peaceful.  But she didn't… I ran to the phone and called an ambulance.  And she didn't die…" The story wasn't done, though.  If it ended there with Catherine hating me for the rest of her life, it would have ended well.  If it ended with Catherine dying in my arms it would have ended well.  But the story didn't end well, not at all… "I went with her to the hospital.  Her parents were called, but they didn't get there in time.  I was questioned, asked what happened.  I told the truth.  And then I asked what would happen to Catherine, and the doctor told me… and I wasn't going to let them take her away.  A fate worse than death, she called it." My convulsions never ceased - they only got worse - and I was sobbing now.  And still, I felt nothing.  I needed to feel nothing, just this once… "I didn't understand medications.  I didn't have time to research the way Catherine did.  So I popped open a surgical bag in one of the cabinets and slit both of Catherine's wrists… it was messy.  So horribly messy.  And she woke up.  I prayed upon prayed she wouldn't wake up for it, but the shock was too much.  Her blood pressure was so high, and the gashes I made were so wide… she said to me, 'Don't ever change', and she… never said anything else…"

By the time Audrey had finished with her words I felt my knees give out and fall into the rough underbrush of the forest. I pulled her into my arms, her heaving trembling form that felt as though she might break apart at any given moment. Her head nestled into my chest and my fingers laced through her hair; she tried to pull away but I cooed softly and held her tight, whispering only loud enough for her to hear it. "You put her first…" It was such a horrific tale, such a traumatic experience, something so beyond words and I felt like the paltry few I'd managed could never convey the breadth of feeling I wanted to get across. I'd been right from the start; she wasn't like us. She wasn't a bad person. She was an angel. "To give her freedom and give away your own…" Audrey continued to sob, to weep into my bosom and I continued to cradle her, rocking the girl gently back and forth with my hand running through her hair. She was so tortured… so horribly conflicted and torn; it was no wonder she wanted that memory gone… no wonder she'd chosen to rebel. To live knowing that her compassion had cost so much, had cost her best friend, had cost her freedom… even the thought of that conflict made my head spin. "You're… magnificent, Audrey…" I wanted to give her so much more than that; to take away her pain and share the burden of her guilt and to make things happy; to make it all okay. "She would be so proud of you, Audrey… you've been reborn and yet you still held onto every single wonderful thing about you."

Staycee was crying - I could hear it in her voice - and I wanted so badly to make her better.  But I wasn't any use; I couldn't even make myself stop crying!  Even after all this time, Catherine's face was burned in the back of my head like the afterimage of the sun.  The smell of blood in the hospital room was still everywhere, and nothing felt any better.  Over a year at this place, and nothing felt any better…

"You saved her, and you saved me." My hand slipped into her hair and I directed her gaze up to mine, her puffy swollen eyes barely opening as I stared into them. Brilliant beautiful blue eyes, just like mine. "What you did… that gesture, that wonderful thing… it was too much." My words were crystal clear, no impediment, and I realized it was only by the importance of my words that they were so well formed. "Everybody has a certain depth of themselves they can give, Audrey. And you… you gave every single bit of you in that moment. Left only an empty shell, a hollow boy that couldn't fulfill Catherine's wish for you not to change. But here, now… in this horrible place, you were reborn… given another chance… everything good about you, everything wonderful, all that kindness and compassion and selfless love… it's all still in you, it's all there… and that's something… that's something, because the boy I met when we first got here… he had none of that. He was broken. He had no more to give." I didn't know where all my words had come from, or how long they'd stay clear or if they'd help at all… but I didn't take them for granted. "Because of what they did to you… you've been given another chance to fulfill her wishes. To never change. To bring magic and miracles to a dark and scary world. A second chance… a chance to live and make her proud…"

Staycee's words were soothing - realistic - the same way Velvet's words were when I was asleep, except not Velvet and without the sleep.  I still stayed in her arms a very long while, still crying and still shaking, and by the time I finally came to, I thought for sure I must've fallen asleep.  But still, I was in Staycee's arms and Velvet had taken a seat by us; her eyes were red, too. It was difficult, but I managed to sit myself up, rubbing the dust and tears from my eyes, and passing both girls a small smile, just something to let them know I was okay.  But the sun was high, now, and we'd have to get walking again…

It had taken a long time for Audrey's shaking to stop, for her quivering form to settle down enough that I knew she'd found refuge in peaceful sleep. It wouldn't last long, but it was something she needed. Velvet sat down next to me, her own eyes red and puffy and one hand gently took Audrey's, the tech's words quiet and soft. "I knew. From her file, I knew what the reports had said. But to hear it from her… to hear it in such detail, to know her pain… I wish I was never a part of that wretched place. She didn't deserve to be punished, she deserved a medal." I smiled weakly as I looked into Velvet's pretty blue eyes. "Without what happened, without you, without me, without Phase Zero and everything awful, she might still be trapped in that empty shell. She went through Hell, and she's earned her second chance. Thank you for helping her… for helping us both. She deserves freedom, but I suspect… that I don't." Velvet smiled and looked down as if to say something on that topic, but as her lips parted, Audrey awakened and I smiled down at her. "You're so pretty when you cry, Awd'y…" We had to move on; we all knew it, but this moment was lovely enough to draw out a few more moments.
 

[YourFNF]

@ pg. 133

 

So breaking conditioning is possible and it seems strong emotions are key. Which actually makes sense for reactivating dormant neurocircuits. So given how much this would piss me off would the conditioning be flawed and require frequent reapplication in my case?

 

*****

 

@pg. 145

 

I have to admit stage 4 is where if I somehow made it through alive and with some part of my mind still intact, is where I'd probably say fuck it and just roll with it, mainly out of exhaustion. But also because as much as it embarrasses me to admit there's a part of me that would like stage 4.

 

Although I'd probably have to avoid any "domestication" classes if I didn't want to get sent back for punching someone's face in.

 

******

"Audrey was thoughtful. I knew what she was
thinking about, too, and the idea of a bunch of random boys fucking my
Audrey… of her bright spark being extinguished and replaced with the quiet
submission of Snow just made me feel… ill."

I think I'm going to be sick

I mean god damn that is not how a dominate submissive relationship is supposed to work. I can't imagine how many years of therapy it would take to undo the damage this place is inflicting on people if it can even be done. Calling it "Liberation" is some class A new speak bullshit.

[Sophie ♥]

PART IV: The King and the Castle

Velvet helped me to my feet and I whimpered in discomfort.  The diaper wet from yesterday was now completely saturated and it was wretchedly cold.  I closed my eyes and let a small stream of warmth fill the diaper, freeing me of it's discomfort, but only a moment later trickles fell down my bare thighs to my bare feet and I started to cry.  I couldn't stay in this diaper any longer; I had to change…

I bit my lip and did what anybody would have done - I carefully laid my girlfriend down in the twigs and grass, and I untaped the diaper from around her waist, balling up the sodden material and dropping it to one side. I then took the hem of my dress - my favorite yellow one - used the cloth to gently wipe away the pee from her skin, edging my way down her legs. She'd have to go without a diaper for now, and with the gown providing no modesty at all I bit my lip and thought about the best way to handle this. "Upsies." I helped Audrey to her feet as Velvet watched, chewing on the tip of her thumb in curiosity. I lifted my dress up over my head and then took the gown off the girls lithe body, tossing it over my shoulder and leaving us both naked but for my diaper. I slipped my yellow dress over her head - /my/ yellow - but for the first time I didn't mind sharing. It was ridiculously childish, but at least it gave her modesty in her diaperless state. Stepping back to admire my work, I casually slipped into the hospital gown. It wasn't flattering, but at least I had the benefit of a diaper - albeit a very wet one - to offset it.

I felt very panicked despite the situation.  On top of the dress feeling very wrong on me for being an inappropriate color, the idea of walking without a diaper made me dreadfully anxious.  I slipped my thumb between my mouth and looked at Velvet with concern. "How far…?" I had to find something to wear, even if it was just underwear.  This exposed feeling made me feel so nauseous…

"About a mile more, maybe a little less. That way." Velvet fished her hand into the pocket of her robe and tossed a familiar blue pacifier to Audrey - I didn't think she'd be in any shape to catch it but I could've sworn she was a cat with the reflexes she displayed. "You know," Velvet smiled, "One of the Fourth courses is in 'presenting in public without underpants'. Because that's apparently vital knowledge for any girl." She rolled her eyes and smiled, then started leading the way. My hand slipped into Audrey's and I smiled as she sucked her pacifier. "She likes you a lot," I grinned playfully. "Wonder if I have to be extra protective of you, now?"

I rolled my eyes and clung to Staycee's arm, sucking the pacifier contently.  It didn't quell my anxieties completely - there wasn't the safe environment of the facility to allow a simple gesture to mean quite as much - but I felt better.  I'd told Staycee what I'd done, and she understood.  And I had a wonderfully bright best friend - a girl who could probably help us with any problems we had post-facility.  Things really were looking up.

By the time we made our way out of the woods it was starting to get late in the afternoon, but it didn't take away from the fact that the woodland let out onto the play area of a school. It was either after school hours or a weekend day, though; either way the small mercy was that there were no children about to notice the oddly dressed three of us. "I have a friend in this town, he can probably put us up for a night and give us some cash, but we'll have to move on tomorrow. This will be a place they'll check when they realize I'm involved in the escape." I didn't hear much of that, though; I only heard that we were going to be sleeping in a warm bed in a house outside of the facility tonight. "Um.. Velvet… we need diapers…" My cheeks were flushed a little and Velvet smiled, nodding understandingly. "It's okay, I do too. I'll go get some once we get there. Okay?"

"Why do you… I mean… don't you write the hypnotism stuff?" But I was a little naive.  Despite Velvet knowing how to avoid being hypnotized, she couldn't avoid basic learning.  Spending ten weeks in Zero, like she'd said, meant spending ten weeks in diapers full time.  By then, she'd be at least a little dependent. "And I was wondering… after I came out of the hypnotism, I knew how to talk normal.  Why is that?"

"It's complicated." Somehow the dark lonely woods was far less scary than being out in public like this; we didn't exactly project subtlety, but Velvet assured us it wasn't too far to walk from her friend's house and then continued to talk. "Well… when you were under, it was your internal voice that spoke to me; crisp and clear and unimpeded; but as you'll note, still very feminine. That's because you've thought of yourself as a girl for so long now that your internal voice changed. Anyway. Because that voice was in use when everything happened, it became your norm. You're lucky, really; Staycee still has to struggle with every word and she'll probably need to for a long time." I blushed and looked down, squeezing Audrey's hand in mine as I thought about the shame of my fractured, broken voice.

"You could do the same with her, though." This was a benefit I'd thought of earlier.  We had a professional hypnotist as a friend! "And you could help us with the diaper stuff, too.  And maybe with the whole pacifier anxiety thing, because that would probably put a damper on finding jobs.  You could repair us, the same way you took us apart.  Right?" I'd seen the kind of work Velvet could do without her machine, and she was still phenomenal.

"I can try." She smiled and turned around, walking backwards gracefully as she spoke to us in ernest. "Thing is, your mind is like paper. You can draw on pencil, and you can erase it, but every time you do the paper gets thinner. There are some things I can help with, but you have to know that the machines in there amplify things. In my metaphor it’s as though the pencil has been traced over a hundred times. Still possible to erase, but you have to be really careful not to tear the paper. And it might come to being able to choose one or two things to undo and working around the others; I really don't know. I need to do evaluations on you both when we're somewhere safe and figure out what I can do." She smiled with a bubbly tone and turned back around. I wasn't sure what it was about her chipper demeanor, but it just seemed to set me somewhat at ease. And I was grateful for that.

The streets weren't exactly populated, but there were people.  Bikers or children or people in their front lawns.  Most paid very little attention to us, but I found myself heavily eyed by passerbys.  I guess a robe and a hospital gown weren't too out of place, but the frilly yellow nightie I wore in late afternoon on someone clearly grown up: it caught a lot of attention.  On top of that, I learned my ability to talk was still conditional.  I whimpered softly and huddled close to Staycee's arm.  So it was only Staycee and Velvet, then?

We came to a house with a pretty white fence, something you might have seen out a movie - two stories with bay windows and a cobblestone path leading to the door. Velvet opened the little gate and we followed her up the path and waited as she knocked on the door. The door opened and a man who was almost too tall to fit through the door looked down at Velvet with a warm smile. "Alexander!" His voice was even larger than his frame and Velvet winced with a smile. "It's Velvet now, you know that, Roger." He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That's a stupid name. Come on, come in. Who've we got here?" "Look… I need you not to ask questions. We're… we're in trouble. This is Audrey, and Staycee. Audrey doesn't talk, and we can't stay long. Just a night. And if you have some cash…" Roger ushered us into the house and smiled from above, the gentle giant making me feel particularly little.

I thought I'd be nervous, especially around a man as big as Roger, but he was nothing but sweet.  I wasn't sure why, but I half-expected whoever we were seeing to be a bad guy.  After all, with what Velvet had done as a boy, I didn't suppose she kept good company.  Still, impressions can be deceiving, so I stayed on guard.  Roger led us into the living room and I took a seat next to Staycee on one of the sofas.  Oh, how wonderful it felt to be off my feet.

On the sofa I cuddled up to Audrey and smiled, looking around the wonderfully appointed living room. This picturesque little house couldn't just be him: there had to be a family, or at least a wife. He spoke to Velvet with warm tones and friendly inflections. "So what happened? You still working for those brain butchers up north?" Velvet winced and smiled guiltily. "Not anymore. Look, we're in a lot of trouble. Can we stay here or not? It's just one night." The man smiled - Velvet looked positively childish next to him, and his words were clear. "Of course. How much money do you need? Come on, we'll take the truck down to the store." He looked at the two of us and motioned to the stairs. "Louise's bedroom is the third door to the left when you get to the top of the stairs. She left for college two years ago so get yourself cleaned up and changed, she won't mind."

I nodded graciously with the best smile I could manage.  He really was sweet.  Still, Velvet was very short with him and it worried me.  Maybe one of us should go with her.  I tugged on Staycee's sleeve and pointed at Velvet, then out the window, then at us.  I wasn't sure she'd get that, but she understood me even at the worst of times, she'd get the jist.  Still, a shower and clean clothes sounded so nice…

Velvet smiled and put her hand on Audrey's lap. "I'm fine, doll. Roger and I used to date, way back when." My eyes went wide when the penny dropped and I smiled, trying to imagine them as a gay couple: Velvet the pretty little gay boy. It made a whole lot of sense looking at her diminutive stature, though we were the last people to be making cliche statements I s'pose. "You two get changed, I'll get you some supplies when we go out, and then Roger is going to loan us his spare truck from out back so we can get an early start tomorrow. Right, Roger?" The large man smiled and shrugged. "Who am I to argue with a fabric?"

Velvet's reassurance was all I needed and I quickly bounced up the stairs, Staycee close behind.  It wasn't difficult imagining Velvet as a girl - I'd seen her boy photo in the file in her office, and she was very feminine, even then.  She looked entirely different now, but she was far from manly.  I guess it made sense she was with a boy, though I shouldn't stereotype.  Once we were alone, though, I finally felt that I could talk again. "I like him.  He's nice." I fiddled with the pacifier I'd taken out of my mouth before entering the suburbs and put it back in place between my lips.

"He's gigantic." I grinned and tried to imagine the dynamic of the two of them dating. "He's like… he looks like her Dad." I began to go through the closet looking at all the clothes. They were teenage girl clothes, and I almost didn't know what to make of them. "Oh gosh… I probably need a bra, huh? I'm not trained in this! I'm a helpless baby girl." I grinned and looked for something in yellow, while also looking for something blue for my Audrey. "I don't know if I was gay or straight. I probably never even had a girlfriend, though. I have the impression I was sort of a loser."

I bit my lip a little and fiddled with the fabrics in the closet.  I found it so difficult to enjoy anything that wasn't in my own personal blue, though. "I… um… Velvet told me, what you did, I mean." There was an awkward silence as I looked from the clothes down to my feet. "I can tell you.  If you wanna.  It doesn't change what I think though… no more than what I did changes how you think.  Right?" I forced a smile, but I was scared… what if this changed things?  What if I told her and she freaked out…

"I…" I smiled broadly as I reached into the closet and pulled out a blue sundress with white flowers - it wasn't Audrey's blue but gosh if it wasn't close. I held it up to her body and smiled. "This will look beautiful on you, go try it on." I turned and went back to looking for something for me, and then spoke softly. "You dun' fink less of me… what I did? Still love me… still wan' be wif' me…?" My voice was timid and impeded, and I hated that it was, but I was so anxious knowing she knew what I'd done. What if I was a monster?

"Uh huh…" I knew her anxiety was high, but I also knew there wasn't anything I could do now but be honest. "We got out together, Staycee.  We're free, to be us, to be together.  I don't want that to change." The dress was a little long.  I wasn't a short boy - not like Velvet - but I wasn't Staycee's height or anywhere near Roger's.  I estimated the girl who owned these clothes was built more like Staycee.  Still, it fit well enough around my chest.  My boobs could barely be called boobs, even after a year, but it didn't seem to be a problem in the sundress.

"Dun' want to change ever…" I picked out two yellow dresses and held each one up to my body in turn. We'd need our diapers, still, but having nice clothes to wear was… well, it was lovely. I lifted the hospital gown over my head and untaped the diaper, letting the only real remnant of my past show. Audrey had seen it, though; she knew who I was. She knew even better than me. I pulled up a pair of borrowed panties and adjusted the dress over my head, settling it into position. "Fink I wan' know. Twust you."

"I think I'll shower." I said this right after Staycee offered me a pair of underwear from the drawer, but it was in no means an attempt to dodge her question.  I led her by the wrist out into the hallway, and it only took a moment to find the bathroom.  I turned the shower on with a small, worried smile and stripped myself of the blue sundress.  Here goes nothing… "You were a rapist… four girls, I think… hard to remember.  And you used to sell date rape drugs." The words felt so grown up, like I shouldn't know them.  But Velvet had used them, and I knew them now, too.  I bit my lip and looked down. "I saw a video of you when you got to the facility.  How you were…"

I felt my knees getting weak at the news, as though it was hitting me like an oncoming train; Audrey caught me though, and propped me against the wall with her little hands. "I'm glad they took my memories. Dun' wanna be tha' person… wan' be good girl… wan' be your giwlfwiend…" I felt such a sense of sorrow at what I'd done, but I also felt a little sense of relief in knowing. Knowing I'd never do that again, that they'd killed that part of me. I still felt so empty, though.

I kissed Staycee's cheek and put on a small smile.  I felt so very exhausted, but a shower was much needed, for the both of us. "You're a wonderful person, Staycee.  And I'm so proud you're my girlfriend.  We all have things we regret… but we were given a second chance.  We can move on, now." I took her by the hand and helped her into the shower, following her under the warm water and… ow, ow, ow!  I quickly danced to the side of the shower with no water and looked down at my body.  My bottom, my hips, my penis were all bright red.  I touched the skin and recoiled in pain, like someone slapping a sunburn.  I looked up at Staycee with watery eyes. "What…"

With a sheepish smile I looked down at the widespread rash and bit my lip - I'd been punished by diaper rash before and hers was about the worst I'd ever seen. As Seconds we learned that the powder we used had some fantastic ingredients for staving off the issue, but having left the facility, and having spent as long as we had in wet diapers, it was inevitable. I looked down at my own diaper area and ran my hands over the skin, wincing a little. Mine wasn't nearly so bad; but it would still hurt when the water touched. "It's rash. Is okay, um… we need aloe…" I stepped out of the shower stall and began going through the medicine cabinet. "Dun' touch it, missy, or it’ll hurt more." It was almost a relief to have something new to focus on that wasn't my past.

I frowned at the rash on my body, very clearly from the diaper.  I was a seventeen year old girl, and I had a diaper rash!  No - worse, I was a seventeen year old boy.  Ugh, how disgusting. "How does it go away?  Am I gonna be able to shower?" The water had stung so badly, I was afraid to go back under the faucet.  Still, I wanted to be clean… especially now that I knew my uncleanliness had caused a skin dilemma.

"You use aloe an' it numbs you ‘nuff to shower." I took out the little bottle of white cream and unscrewed the top, prompting Audrey to step out of the shower and lathering up my fingers. "I gotta touch you in some pretty intimate places. Tha' okay?" We'd had sex. I mean, we'd had sex many times. But I still felt the need to ask, especially knowing now exactly what I'd done in the past. "You do me, after?" I blushed a little and looked down - I could do myself, obviously, but I figured if I offered her the chance to become comfortable with my body, she might be comfortable with me playing with hers.

"Yeah… alright." I pouted a little, the red skin was much more evident in the light of the bathroom than behind the shade of the curtain.  I spread my legs just barely and held my arms up and out of the way.  I expected a severe burst of pain, but the aloe felt… really nice, actually.  It was cool and soothing, like cold water over a burn.  It didn't feel like it was numbing anything, but it certainly took the stinging away that the water left.  I smiled a bit to myself - Staycee was so smart.  I'd have never thought…

Diaper rash wasn't a glamorous thing and it certainly wasn't something someone our age… our age? We were two years apart, but we were essentially the same now. It wasn't something someone our age should have to worry about, but it was our life now. We were little diapered baby girls. The idea of facing the world in this state was daunting at best and terrifying at worst, but I was strong for us both. I held out the pot of aloe to Audrey and smiled with red cheeks. "You gotta make sure… do a thorough job." I bit my lip and smiled, thankful I hadn't eaten recently enough to have to worry about my body betraying me.

It wasn't as strange as I thought it would be.  I'd only had one other cock in my hands before, and that was Cass's.  Still, this was very different.  Firstly, the slippery liquid made any real grip impossible; it was more like I was oiling down a misshapen fruit.  And secondly, I had no impulse to be pleasing Staycee the way I had with Cass.  What happened with Cass was to teach me how to be a girl - this was purely a kind gesture.

"Hey Awd'y," I smiled a little - I could say her name fine now, but I chose the childish form. "I'm sorry… on our first day, I was mean to you; sorry I yelled at you when we were in trouble." It was something that shouldn't have still been on my mind, not by now, not so long into the future with it so far in the past. But I remembered the things I'd called her, the things I'd said when she refused to apologize to the orderlies, remembered how hysterical I'd been, remembered how badly I thought of the memory wipe. For me, in the end, my wiping had been a blessing.

I kissed Staycee's cheek and took her aloe-covered hands in mine. "It's alright.  You were scared.  I know, because I saw.  I saw you scared, on the video tape.  And I put you through that again… and it was so unfair of me.  I'm so sorry." I gave a small shy smile and looked back toward the still-running shower. "Can we go in there yet?"

"Uh huh." I stepped first into the shower and winced a little - it still wan't the most pleasant experience in the world, but the aloe soothed the sting long enough for our skin to acclimatize to the temperature of the water and after a minute or two it faded to a numb tingling: a feeling far preferable to the agonizing pain. Showering together was something we were used to, something we'd probably always do now, and the knowledge that we could do it now, on our own, in privacy? It made me smile happily.

The shower wasn't fun, but it was nice to be clean.  I slid the blue dress back over my mostly-dry body and helped Staycee into her own sundress.  They seemed far too adult on the two of us, but in no way did we look like boys.  I led Staycee back to the bedroom; it was weird, me being the leader.  I guess something stuck with the hypnotism, more than just my voice.  Maybe I got some other parts of me back too, parts before Zero.  I slid my feet into the underwear, and while it was my first time ever wearing panties, I found them woefully uncomfortable.  It wasn't that they weren't nice - they were! - but there was no protection.  I felt vulnerable, unsafe.  My concern was evident, too. "Maybe Velvet's back with some diapers…"

There was something really endearing about watching Audrey settle into her panties, watching her so anxious at the lack of padding. I guess we both knew our limits, both knew what was inevitable, and this house really was lovely. Velvet and Roger had been gone long enough for us to shower, so I expected they'd be home soon. We had to pass the time somehow, though, had to stave off the anxiety, so I sat Audrey down in front of the vanity and began to brush out her hair. "Your hair is getting so long, pretty girl… I used to be the prettiest girl at the facility, but you replaced me. So unfair…"

"I don't think so… I mean…" I played with my hair in the mirror - the side Staycee wasn't brushing - and smiled a little bit. "It's alright.  It's just boring, though.  I love your hair color, much prettier, I think.  But my cheeks are all rosy and yours aren't.  So maybe we're tied?" I wasn't sure how I felt about long hair.  As a boy, I knew I always kept it somewhere in between, but now that I had hair framing my face, I found myself very affectionate of it.  Was this more of what they did?  Could they adjust what we liked and didn't like?

"My hair color is natural. I think that might be why I was such an angry boy." I smiled and looked down at the hairbrush in my hands and continued to brush Audrey's hair. "Well, I think yours is pretty, and you're right, your natural blush is so endearing. Makes you look like a six year old on a winter morning." It probably wasn't what she wanted to hear, but somewhere along the lines we all wound up craving childish compliments and I wasn't sure where Audrey sat on the spectrum. "I'm lucky, though. I get to date and marry the prettiest girl in school. How many girls can say that?"

"Probably one per school, assuming everyone's gay." I passed a kind smile through the mirror as Staycee brushed my wet hair.  I was so exhausted, though.  I put my arms down on the vanity and set my head down a second later, making Staycee's job much harder to do. "I'm so sleepy; I can't wait until bedtime..." But it was only just getting dark out, and Staycee and I both knew better than to sleep without diapers.

Downstairs there was the sound of jingling keys and I smiled excitedly as Audrey sat up. "Sounds like Velvet and the Giant are home. Let's go get padded, and…" I blinked and sniffed the air. "Oh my gosh… do you smell what I smell? That smells like…" I took another sniff. "That smells like McDonald’s…" McDonald’s wouldn't have been a reason for anybody over the age of four to get excited over, but one has to understand that when you've been confined to a facility with a set diet for as long as I had - as long as we had - the little things became magical.

I dashed after Staycee as we ran down the stairs, almost tackling Velvet like a mother walking through the door.  She smiled endearingly and handed us each a bag from McDonald’s.  I started wondering if we'd get toys, but the thought was soon overshadowed with the idea of food.  I sat down at the dining table and tore open the bag, spilling tons of cheeseburgers everywhere.  So hungry.  I wanted to thank Velvet and Roger, but my words left me again.  I pouted and tried my best to give an appreciative smile.

I smiled and gently pried a cheeseburger from Audrey's hand using all the self control I could manage. Velvet motioned to a plastic bag by the front door and I smiled. "Thank you so so so much, Roger. We gots do somefin' real quicks, but we be back." Dragging Audrey away from the table into the next room - picking up the package of diapers on the way - was one of the single most impossible things I'd ever attempted, but we got to the living room and I smiled. "Diapers first. Then dinner. Okie? Come on, hurry hurry, lay down, dun wan dinner to go cold!"

I whimpered as Staycee pushed me down on the couch; I just wanted food.  What were the chances I'd wet myself between now and ten minutes?  Still, I guess she was right.  We were guests here - we couldn't go peeing all over the floor.  I looked toward the entryway to the kitchen with a small worried look.  Velvet wouldn't let Roger in, right?  So I sighed and laid down on the couch cushions, looking at the ceiling in frustration.  I just wanted to eat...

It only took me a minute or two to diaper Audrey properly and I gave her a playful look. "I can do myself if you wan' go get started eating?" The diapers weren't yellow or blue; they were purple and that bothered me because it wasn't either of our colors, but they were thick and plasticty and seemed to be adequately made. When had I become such a diaper aficionado? I grinned a little. "Go on, it's going cold; I'll meet you out there."

I flattened my dress and hurried on toward the kitchen again, sitting down in my seat.  Velvet gave me a harsh look and I pouted.  She wasn't my mom!  So I picked up the burger and bit into it.  Velvet rolled her eyes and went to the other room - probably to make sure Staycee was okay, like I bludgeoned her over the head or something.  That left Roger and me alone.  I scarfed down the burger, though, caring very little for conversation.  It wasn't like I could talk anyway.

Roger's hands made the cheeseburger he was eating seem like a little toy and yet he took delicate little bites, watching Audrey with a little smile. He finished off a burger and waited for her to look up before he talked. "I know you're not staying here long, Audrey. But if anybody comes here and tries to hurt you, they'll have to go through me, first. You're under my care when you're under my roof, and nobody is going to get to you. You're safe here." He gently unwrapped another burger just as I appeared, Velvet having taken responsibility over my diapering and undoing my attempts. My cheeks were therefore amazing flushed, and my gaze downcast. She patted my bottom and smiled. "Go on, get some food before your little fiancée eats it all."

Food was astounding.  I'd never called McDonald’s astounding, but it was well worth it.  It had been so long since I'd even had solid food - I was almost worried my body wouldn't process it properly.  But alas, I cared very little.  I ate three burgers, ten nuggets, and a whole large fry.  By the end of it, I was so stuffed.  I smiled warmly and put my head down on the table.  This was so wonderful - this place, these people - I didn't want to leave.  I liked it here.

We ate so much between the two of us; Velvet had obviously anticipated the hunger we all felt because the amount of food was probably enough to feed ten. By the end of the meal I'd pulled Audrey onto my lap and her head was on the table. She couldn't speak, so I spoke for us both. "Thank you… Roger. An'… thank you, too, Velvet; we never could have 'scaped without your help." I wished we could stay longer, that we didn't have to leave in the morning. I felt safe around Roger, like anybody who tried to find us would be picked up and tossed into the sky or something.

I was tired, so horribly tired, and by the time I lifted my head off the kitchen table I wasn't even sure how I got onto Staycee's lap.  I climbed off and stumbled a second before catching my balance, then gave a small wave to indicate that my presence here was about to end.  Sleep.  Needed sleep.  Staycee followed, but it was only halfway up the stairs that I froze.  The hot, gooey mess began to fill the back of my diaper without any notice.  I was messing myself.  I mean, I knew I did it… in my sleep, in Zero, with the milk… but now, the act… it mushing against my bottom as it filled the fresh purple diaper… the smell as it wafted through the stairway… Staycee stood behind me, concerned, but the second the mess stopped flowing, I raced up through the hallway and into our room, slamming the door behind me.  Tears fell down my burning cheeks… the humiliation was overwhelming…

The door gently creaked open and I closed it softly behind me; Audrey was cuddled up to pillows on the bed, sobbing and shaking. I sat on the edge and then curled up next to her; the smell was making me really hot and bothered, but I couldn't let it show. I played my fingers through her hair. "It's okay. It is… I'm going to get you changed and it's no big deal. I know it's embarrassing at first, but we'll help each other out, won't we? I mean… when I mess, you'll change me, right? You'll change my messy diaper?" I knew that conditioning should've still been active and I figured I could use it to help normalize this.

I shook my head in shame, the humiliation still crashing in waves.  I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't believe I'd just… "Go away… juss go away…" Filthy, disgusting girl, Audrey.  I couldn't help it.  I couldn't make it stop.  I just kept doing it, like a real baby.  I'd never grow up.  I'd be little forever…

I rolled the girl over and climbed on top of her, pressing my lips to hers softly and then pulling back. "They… do you remember the first time they punished me for you not drinking the milk? I had all the bruises? They also… gave me an affection. They made it…" I looked down and my cheeks burned. "They made it turn me on. It's… it's really difficult, and shameful. But you know, I know my pretty giwlfwiend who sometimes has to mess her diaper, I know she doesn't judge me. We both have damage done by that place and we'll work on it over time, but not if we give up now. If we give up an' cry any time we mess, any time we get turned on by something we wish we didn't… we'll never get better. An' you wanna get better, right? Wanna grow up, and not need diapers no more?"

The crying ceased pretty quickly at Staycee's words.  I nodded my head reluctantly.  She was right, and I was being silly.  I'd done it a hundred times.  But nothing felt like that… and I just felt so ashamed.  But I could beat it, couldn't I?  I could potty train myself.  And Velvet could help.  She was great with hypnotisms - she could reverse whatever they did to me.  Then it would be just like growing up again.  Velvet could fix Staycee, too.  Staycee's… "Affection?  For what…?"

My cheeks got a little hotter and I bit my lip. "They made it so… messy diapers turn me on. I'm really… ashamed and upset by it. Every time I change you, I have this rush of blood to my head and I get weak at the knees. Hell, even smelling when you're messy… it's so… it makes me so disgusted with myself…" I realized what this might lead to and bit my lip a bit harder. "I guess if you don't want some stupid disgusting pervert changing you anymore, I understand…"

My cheeks burned brighter than they ever had, and I found myself avoiding eye contact. "Oh…" So right now, she… just because I… "They… they're just sick weirdos.  We'll get Velvet to fix it.  You can still change me - you've been fine so far." I didn't mind it, really.  But now that I knew the way she looked at me… I just wanted this diaper off as fast as possible, for both our sakes. "You… you think you could go get me a clean one?  And Velvet.  Wanna talk to her."

I got up and fetched the little tub of makeup wipes - which served perfectly adequately as baby wipes - from the vanity and nodded my head as I sat back down. "Let's get this icky thing off you first, though, okay? Don't need any more chance of a rash." I prompted her to roll onto her back and got her all cleaned up, balling up the diaper and taking it with me when I got up. "I'll be right back, okay?" I stopped in the doorway and smiled, not looking back. "I want you to know that you turn me on so much more than any messy diaper could. Never forget that."

I gave a small smile toward Staycee as she left the room and sat up on the bed.  It was only a twin, but Staycee and I had shared one of those before - it wouldn't be a problem.  I wasn't sure where Velvet would sleep, though.  Probably not with us.  While I was waiting for Staycee to return, I thought about what she'd said - how I turned her on - and I thought about me before Zero… where had all that passion gone?  Why didn't I get turned on, too?  

When I came back up with the new diaper in my hand, I walked in the door and closed it behind me. "Velvet coming up in a minute, she's just catching up with Roger proper." It was so strange to me to imagine her having had a life before this. Then again it was strange imagining Audrey to have had a life, too. Maybe that's because I didn't have a life before here. I sat on the edge of the bed and unfolded the diaper, my thoughts spilling into words. "What was I like in the video? As a boy? Besides a jerk. Was I cute? I don't remember what I looked like…"

I shook my head.  To be fair, I didn't really understand what would make a boy cute - I never had a fondness for them - but I probably found Alexander cute.  Not Callum, though. "You had a beard.  Not a big one or anything - not like Santa.  But I don't think you were cute.  You're much better looking now." I laid back on the mattress in the same spot Staycee had left me and I hiked up my dress.  We probably should find pajamas at some point.

"I had a beard…?" I winced and touched my chin subconsciously, checking for any sign of stubble; but like all First's who'd had their Electro, I found no evidence of there ever having been hair there. "Ew…" I taped the diaper in place and looked over at the dresser, following Audrey's gaze. "Jammies?" Despite the fact she could talk around me, it was only natural for me to pre-empt her needs and try and make my Audrey happy without her having to say anything. I stood up and wandered over to the drawers, rubbing my eyes sleepily. "I think I'm glad I'm a girl now. At least I'm attractive as a girl, right?" I turned back around and struck a pouty little pose, something sufficient enough to melt anybody's heart.

I smiled dreamily up at Staycee, climbing off the bed and stripping myself of the dress.  I wore a blue top to bed, but there weren't any blue pajama pants.  I wore white instead; though if these new diapers weren't very good, it could be a problem by morning. Staycee found a matching yellow and pink set and changed herself as well. "Do we really have to leave, Staycee?  They wouldn't find us here, would they?" But Roger probably had a family - we couldn't hang around here forever.

"I don't want to leave…" I bit my lip and pulled the covers back on the bed, crawling in and patting the spot next to me to prompt Audrey to lay down with me. "But Roger will get in trouble for having us, and I bet they'll check cause they knew Roger and Velvet used to date. But it's okay… 'member Velvet said she's getting a car? We'll drive so far away from here, away from anybody who'd ever find us, and we'll start a life together." The door opened quietly as Velvet stepped into the room and smiled, sweeping her hair back past her hair. "Hey, what's up? All ready for bed? We'll probably leave before sun-up tomorrow; Roger is getting a truck ready for us."

I nodded quietly at the news - so much for staying.  Still, Staycee and I both knew better than to be inhospitable.  Roger was doing us so many favors, and we couldn't be rude. "Velvet, I was wondering if I could talk to you about the hypnosis stuff." I sat down on the edge of the bed where Staycee had patted, but I didn't lie down: not yet, anyway. "I want to get out of diapers.  At least… you know… and Staycee has… um… a… uh…" Why was this so difficult?

The girl sat next to Audrey on the bed and took her hand in hers, blue painted nails playing her the back of the younger girl’s hand as Velvet spoke. "You're only conditioned to not notice it, and by now you might find that conditioning to be fading. Usually Firsts have that conditioning reinforced the entire time they're Firsts. But for you two, as Zeros, you had a whole year of no control. Literally, there's nothing hypnotic keeping you diaper dependent; it's just your bodies have properly reverted to infants. And like infants, you can be potty trained. I'll help you both, if you like? I've potty trained kids before, back when I was a boy."

There was no easy fix; that upset me.  Still, I expected it.  It was the same way Velvet was, now; she was still in diapers, though hers wasn't to the extent of us.  But if we could be re-potty trained, at least that was hope.  I nodded softly and tried to put on a smile. "Any help you can offer would be wonderful.  Thank you." I looked down at Staycee and bit my lip, turning back to Velvet. "And about Staycee's… um…" What did she call it? "affection…?"

"Her affection?" Velvet looked confused and tilted her head to one side, looking from Audrey to me and back to Audrey. "What do you mean, sweetie?" I bit my lip and pulled the covers up over my face. I hated it. I hated that I loved it. I hated that all I wanted right now was to cuddle up to her, to feel her close and to have her mess her diaper.

"I… I thought you… um…" It was a hypnotism thing, wasn't it?  It had to be; that was the only thing that could play with her mind that way.  But Velvet seemed so oblivious.  Had Velvet not done that hypnotism?  There was that old guy, but how many Hypno techs could be on staff? "Um.  Nevermind, I guess…" I couldn't say it.  I was hoping she knew, but my cheeks burned red.

Perfectly manicured fingernails took hold of Audrey's chin and directed her gaze to the young tech’s blue eyes as she smiled. "Audrey, honey, I can't help if you don't tell me. You want me to fix it right? Well, you don't have to be shy with me." Admittedly, Velvet had a pretty good idea of what the issue at hand was - she knew her Messy Fetish program was a company favorite for punishments of rebellious Firsts and Seconds - but talking about difficult things was an important thing for Audrey to learn.

I blinked shyly up into Velvet's blue eyes - she always had such a way of talking, it made thinking really difficult. "I… um… Staycee got punished… um… at the facility, and they… made… uh… she…" My cheeks were burning and I idly wondered if Velvet would pull her hand away in pain, but she didn't.  It's just your imagination, Audrey. "I… um… Staycee told me… um… when I was… err…" No, bad route.  Don't mention you, Audrey - it'll make it that much harder. "I mean, she... she told me she… gets turned on.  Like, over weird things.  So… you… you can fix that, yeah?"

Velvet nodded understandingly; it was definitely the Messy Fetish program, but she wasn't going to let the young girl off so easily. "And which weird things does she get turned on over? You have to be specific as possible if you'd like me to fix it, sweetie. And think about how happy and proud Staycee will be if you get this embarrassing problem fixed for her?" My eyes squeezed shut and I pouted beneath the covers. Why are you both torturing me?! Just someone say it; someone say Staycee loves shitty diapers. Get it out there in the open so we can fix it!

I looked away from Velvet only long enough for her to pull my gaze back into hers.  She wasn't going to let me look away. "I… well, she said… when… um…" Not when I’m messy; just messy diapers.  Not just me.  But the smell too, and that wasn't a diaper thing. "Um… she gets that… that way with messy diapers…" The silence was far too ominous and I felt my cheeks burning the poor girl's hand.  Let go, let go.  You're gonna get hurt!

"Well, I bet that makes changing time less unpleasant. And I mean, you like changing her messy diapers now, too, don't you Audrey?" She smiled airily and continued to look the girl in the eyes. "I mean, she's messy now, and I bet you just can't wait to change her." It was cruel to tease much longer, though, and Velvet giggled a little before finally relenting. "I'll see what I can do for Staycee tomorrow, see if I can lessen her fetish." It wouldn't be easy, though; the Messy Fetish program was designed to be installed and not removed. It was a punishment.

I pouted and crossed my arms, trying to argue Velvet's point.  But the second she said Staycee was messy… I hadn't known.  I bit my lip and fiddled with my thumbs.  I really should change her, the polite thing to do, nothing to do with it being messy, wasn't remotely interested.  Just a nice gesture, but my shyness on the topic probably said more than any words could.

Velvet leaned in and kissed the girl’s forehead, then stood up with a smile. "Get changed and get some rest, we leave early tomorrow." Her voice raised. "Goodnight, Staycee. Don't be shy; everybody has their quirks." And just like that, Velvet left us both alone without nearly as much resolution as I'd hoped for. I didn't pull the covers away, though, especially not now that Audrey knew I was messy.

"Oh!" With a sudden snapping out of my daydream of getting Staycee changed, I quickly tumbled out of bed. "I… um.  I'll be right back, promise.  Just… something, hold on." I dashed out of the room, closing the door behind me, leaving Staycee alone.  Velvet was halfway down the stairs when she heard the door close and I came rushing down the hall, but by the time I reached her, two steps above her, I had quieted down significantly.  My cheeks burned bright and I played with my fingers some more. "I wanted to talk to you… in private…"

Velvet looked up the stairs at the shy girl and smiled a little, motioning for her to follow down the stairs. The two of them slipped into a private study lined with books on all the walls, and Velvet closed the door behind them. "What's on your mind, sweetie?" It seemed so odd to think that this house belonged only to Roger; each of the rooms really was gorgeous in its own little way. Then again, he'd mentioned having a daughter so there was at least a Mrs. Roger somewhere along the line. Where she was, though, and where did Velvet dating him fitted in?

I sat down on the couch, still fiddling with my thumbs.  This was weird.  I never really saw Velvet as much of an equal to me - in the facility she was always staff, and since we'd left she seemed more maternal.  And bringing up something like this was more like something you'd bring up with a friend than a parent.  Still, she sat next to me and gave me that Velvet-coined smile. "With Staycee's… um… affection…" I guess we were still using that word. "I just wanted to know why she feels affection, and… and I don't."

The girl looked a little confused as she sat down on the couch next to Audrey and took her hand between those manicured fingers again. "What do you mean, sweetie? Why does Staycee get turned on by messy diapers? It was a punishment for her; I actually wrote the program but I didn't administer it directly. But anyway… you don't feel the same thing because you weren't punished with that program." Audrey looked dissatisfied with the answer, however, and Velvet smiled understandingly. "Or was there something else you meant?"

I shook my head in disgust. "No, no.  Gross.  I don't mean like that.  Not the… her affection.  Just... affection." I waited, still fiddling with my fingers, until that comment set in. "Staycee and I used to be so… affectionate.  But since Phase Zero, every kiss is just a kiss.  I haven't felt it once, and I even learned how to please her!  I did it for her, so I could make her happy, and… and I never do, because… I just don't feel it, and I wanna.  I wanna feel it again…"

Velvet smiled and motioned for the girl to lay down; this one she could help with. During the Phase Zero process, some candidates didn't quite finish 'rebooting', and sex was often one of the things left behind. This was a topic the young tech was certain she could fix. She motioned for Audrey to lay down on the sofa and then took her hand. "You need to listen to my words. Look at my eyes, listen to my words, and follow what I say, okay my sweet?" To say that Velvet was effective at hypnosis was to say that Michelangelo was effective at painting and fairly soon the girl on the couch was waking up with a start. "How're you feeling, beautiful girl?" The clock on the wall showed an hour had passed, but it wasn't as if Audrey could read it.

"Fine…" I didn't feel any different.  It was just like in the room with the machines: hypnotism never felt any different and you never knew what had changed.  I sat up slowly, wary of the after effects, but there didn’t seem to be any. "So, what's different?  I don't feel anything…" I just wanted to be me again; all this was doing was reverting me back to the way I should be, a proper girl with proper affections: maybe one that could read clocks, in the future.

Sweeping a strand of hair back behind her ear, Velvet smiled and ushered words that would test her work. "I want you to think about when you lost your virginity. Who was it with? What happened? Why don't you describe it to me?" It was a loaded question, as all post-Hypno questions tended to be: a question to provoke a response that proved the hypnosis had taken.

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands, fiddling shyly. "It was with Staycee, actually.  She doesn't know.  She was with so many people - willing and not - and... I just couldn't tell her I was a virgin.  I was shy, I guess…" But that wasn't the question, and despite my never telling Velvet any of this, she seemed far from surprised. "Um… we were in our room - she was a Second, then - and I don't really know what happened.  I got this… this feeling.  And I just needed something, needed her…" And I thought I was blushing before.

"I guess that's really the physical representation of love, that need, that desire." Velvet was so casual and free and easy talking about sex, like it was the simplest thing in the world to discuss. Then again, she was never the type to limit herself. "Like, the emotional aspect you know, you want to be around her, you want to be with her, you want to marry her and never let go of her hand. You want to have her and know that no matter what happens, she'll be there in the morning. And then the physical is… well, you know, it's that need. You want to be closer to her than anybody else is allowed to be. You want to be hers and her be yours."

I nodded softly in agreement, but never looked up from my twiddling fingers. "Then we just... did it.  I mean.  I kissed her, and she kissed me, and she touched me…" We had our diapers on, of course, but I left that part out; it was sexier without the mention. "And I wanted more.  So I asked, and she… she made me beg.  It was really amazing.  It was."

It was actually enough to make Velvet blush; the thought of Staycee making Audrey beg, the two nubile little bodies so close that their heartbeats synchronized. Her control questions were over, though; it was clear enough from the color in the girls cheeks that there was certainly more than a little spark between her loins now. "And would you like to experience that again? Perhaps in a place where you're safe, with a lovely bed, cuddled together, with no fears and no worries until the morning breaks?" Velvet had always been particularly good at putting ideas in peoples heads - obviously - but it seemed that extended behind her hypnosis and into everyday conversation, too. She was so subtle.

I felt a smile creep up on my lips, still fiddling with my fingers.  It sounded so lovely, the idea of lying in bed next to Staycee, kissing, more, and I wanted so badly to go upstairs and tell her.  But it wasn't my house, and it wasn't my bed.  I felt crestfallen, still biting my lip.  And it wouldn't be nice to wet Roger's daughter's bed... "Yeah, it sounds nice.  I hope we can, soon."

Velvet stood up and smiled, wandering over to the door and opening it. "Hurry along now; I bet Staycee misses you." She waited for the girl to wander slowly past her, then whispered softly, "There's a mattress protector on the bed. Go and show her how much you love her." She didn't give the girl time to question, instead wandering down the hall to find Roger. Tomorrow was going to be scary, but for now the girls needed a night to themselves. Things wouldn't be as easy as tonight for a long time.

Staycee was asleep when I creeped into the bedroom, and I felt my heart sink.  I did my best to stay quiet nonetheless, slipping into bed next to her.  She didn't stink, though, and it occurred to me that she could change her own diapers now, and that I got denied the privilege because I ran off… I pouted and crossed my arms, resting next to Staycee in bed.  This sucked; it was the first time in over a year that I wanted her, and I really wanted her, and she was asleep.  I rolled over, wrapping my arms around my girlfriend.  It was okay, though; this was enough for now.  It could be enough forever if that was how things played out.
 

[YourFNF]

@pg. 168 Rochel sounds like someone who could possibly be recruited as an inside informant

[Sophie ♥]

PART V: Curiouser

The room was still dark when Velvet shook me awake.  I didn't want to get up - the bed was so comfortable and I was still so sleepy.  Even having gone to bed early, my talk with Velvet kept me up pretty late.  I didn't know the exact time - I never did anymore - but I was still exhausted when she woke me up. "It's late, go back to bed…" "We have to get going." "The sun's not even up…"

"I know sweetie. Come on, I let you sleep in a bit longer; both of you." Behind Velvet, by the side of the bedroom door was a suitcase and the closet was half emptied, along with some of the drawers and the vanity. She'd obviously gotten up earlier and started packing our things. There were two fresh diapers, as well as wipes and powder, on the end of the bed. "Wake up Staycee, and then come down. Roger made pancakes." It was so surreal, being fugitives on the run from the law but having a nicely packed suitcase and pancakes for breakfast; it was more like leaving for a family road trip.

I didn't tell Staycee what Velvet and I talked about the night before.  Originally, I didn't want her knowing because I felt she'd be offended; after all, she was my girlfriend, and if she didn't find me attractive I'd probably be pretty upset, but she was so beautiful, and I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.  Both of us were very wet and we took it upon ourselves to change each other, despite not having to anymore.  I liked seeing Staycee naked, though I wasn't at all interested in her penis; I just found it very sensual.  We both came down in the same dresses from the day before, our nighties packed away, and wearing fresh diapers.  Velvet and Roger were already sitting at the dining table and Staycee and I took our seats.

It was still dark outside, and though I didn't know what time it was, I figured it was before sunrise so that qualified as 'early'. We ate tons of pancakes; I wasn't sure our digestive systems could handle it, but if we had problems in the car, at least we wouldn't have to stop every five minutes. Roger and Velvet talked like two parents and Audrey and I ate pancakes off one another's plates and giggled. It actually felt normal. I wondered if Velvet and Roger would just adopt us… when did I start seeing Velvet as a mother figure? I frowned a bit to myself but it didn't last - we had pancakes. At the end of the meal, I took Audrey's hand and looked up at Roger. "Audrey doesn't talk much, Roger. She's the strong silent type." I looked at her and smiled. "But thank you, from both of us, for having us. Even for one night. Thank you for the clothes, and the…" I blushed a little, "other stuff. Thank you."

I nodded in agreement.  I had thought about the fact that we were essentially taking with us Roger's daughter's clothes without permission.  I wasn't happy with that result, but we definitely didn't have money for clothes of our own, and I couldn't wear a hospital gown everywhere.  Still, I felt Roger deserved more than a nod of my head, so I climbed out of my chair and hugged him.  Even sitting down, he was taller than me.

Roger ruffled Audrey's hair as though she was ten and smiled with that large grin of his; everything about Roger was just a bit bigger than the normal range and it made me feel really little. "My marriage fell apart when I had an affair with Alex." "Velvet." She pouted a little and the man just smiled more, as though he knew some big joke nobody else did; he was like a seven foot tall Cheshire Cat. "I don't see my wife, or my kids, much anymore. It meant a lot to me to see you two both so happy and bubbly; it reminded me of better times." I bit my lip and looked at Audrey, then down at my hands. "Wha' about the clothes? Won't she be bothered? Your daughter?" He laughed and shook his head. "Don't worry about that - I'm supposed to give them to good will anyway; I'm just terrible at letting go of the past. I'm happy they're going to a good home."

I fiddled with my fingers and stood shyly next to Roger.  I couldn't talk, and I wanted to so badly.  I wanted to argue the point of staying.  Roger and Velvet could still be happy, I bet, and Staycee and I could stay here, too.  It would be like having a real family, the closest I'd ever get, again. I tugged hard on Velvet's sleeve and looked at her with the most sincere pleading eyes… she had to understand… she had to… we couldn't leave.

My eyes followed Audrey and Velvet looked at her with a smile, and then at me, and I said the words she couldn't. "Couldn't we… stay?" It felt rude to ask, but given Roger talked so fondly of a family, of a wife and of children long gone… we could be that. Velvet would make a wonderful wife, and we could be their… their kids. I didn't remember anything past age ten anyway, and the two of us were barely functional as adults. Velvet looked saddened and Roger looked away, the smile disappearing from his face for the first time as he spoke. "We talked about that last night," he said with a little contempt as he looked at Velvet, then it cleared as he looked back up at me and Audrey. "I think you should; I think you're safest here. But Little Miss Velvet believes otherwise." She sighed and looked at us both apologetically. "Look… I know what files they have on me, I know they know about Roger, I know they'll check here. And it's not fair of us to put him at risk. Is it?" I exchanged a glance with Audrey and squeezed her hand under the table. Velvet was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. "We'll get somewhere safe, get a life set up, and then maybe Roger can move out there with us. How about that?"

Staycee nor I were impressed, though; it just wasn't the same.  This house felt safe to us, this place felt right.  And for the first time since our discussion about the facility, I found myself  frustrated with Velvet.  My reaction wasn't any better, either: I stormed out of the room like a child.  Staycee followed behind me, and when we were alone in the living room I felt the tears slip down my cheeks. "I wanna family again, Staycee; I wanna be loved that way.  I miss it.  I don't wanna go…"

My hand found hers and I squeezed it, little tear droplets at the corners of my eyes. "I don't wanna go either…" And then, much quieter as I tried to fight back the tears for the sake of Audrey, I added, "Is… a nice feewing…" And it was, being here and feeling loved. It was the first time I could remember feeling it, ever. I ran my thumb up Audrey's cheek to clear away her tears, and then softly kissed her lips, pulling back to look into her eyes. "But if here can feel safe… tha's hope… w-w-right? We can find a safe place and have a normal life."

I nodded softly, still looking at my feet.  I hated this.  I hated that I couldn't stop it.  We all wanted it, even Velvet, and we couldn't.  Velvet didn't say another word to me while we were in Roger's house.  I gave him the biggest hug I could and the most appreciative look I could muster, but still, it didn't feel like enough… "We couldn't stay." "I know…" "I'm sorry…" "I know…" Velvet started up the truck and waved out the window to Roger.  And we were off again - running.  This time, though, it was away from something wonderful.

It was icy in the truck without anybody talking; we were all upset at the situation. Velvet was the only one of us who still remembered what adult higher reasoning was and why we couldn't stay, so a few miles out from the house, she showed us. She flicked on the radio scanner and tuned it a particular frequency. The voices that came through were broken, but chilling all the same. "…subject… partner…" "…attempting requisition at 13324 Pine…" I looked at Velvet questioningly and she looked away back to the road, all the confirmation I needed. Roger's address. "…will he be okay?" I bit my lip and squeezed Audrey's hand. Velvet spoke softly. "We're not there, so there's nothing they can do to him. But if we'd been there, aiding and abetting fugitives… there are places that make the facility look like Heaven. I couldn't do that to Roger, not after what I've already put him through. He lost his whole family because of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we couldn't stay and have the picture book life… I wanted it just as much as you two do."

I put my head on Velvet's shoulder, just a small sign, something to show that I understood.  I really did, too; sometimes bad things just have to be done.  It was another hour before we stopped, and even then it was just to get snacks and gasoline.  The gas station was small and very out of the way, almost run down; they clearly didn't get much business.  I climbed out of the truck and followed Velvet around the side of the car. "Hold this for me.  I'm gonna go pay," she said. I wrapped my hands around the pump and let the gasoline flow into the truck as Velvet walked off to the building.

I leaned against the truck and put my head on Audrey's shoulder; I never liked to be far from her. "Think we could have a house like Rogers, one day, when we're married?" I smiled at the daydream, and wondered exactly how we got from here to there. Right now, at least for me, I felt like a child in the care of Velvet. How did I ever expect for us to grow up and get married, when our conditioning kept dragging us down? I didn't show the doubt, though; I needed to be strong.

"I think so, but I think maybe we should focus on learning to read first, and maybe getting potty trained." What had happened the night before still bothered me tremendously.  I wanted, at all cost, to prevent it from happening again; the idea that I'd so easy given up something so innately grown up drove me crazy.  Velvet came out a moment later with a newspaper and a paper bag of snacks - we'd be driving a lot today.  I put the nozzle back in the gas pump and climbed into the passenger seat after Velvet.  It only had one row of seats - three seat belts total - but beggers couldn't be choosers.

"I miss being able to read…" My lament was half based on the conversation from the gas pump, and half from seeing the newspaper. Honestly, not being able to read bothered me more than the potty stuff; if you couldn't control your potty habits, there could be reasons, but if you're nineteen and can't read people just think you're stupid. I didn't like that. I didn't know if I was a smart person - I had no measured metric to know - but I definitely didn't feel like a dumb person.

Velvet got back on the road and I leafed through the newspaper with Staycee.  We couldn't read it, but I was hoping to find a single word I knew.  I recognized a lot of As and Ss and Vs, but beyond what Velvet had taught me, I couldn't make any of it out.  There was one thing, though - I still knew my numbers.  I couldn't read an analogue clock, but the digital one on the dash was plain as day, the same as the large 22 at the top of the front page next to a very short word.  The month… "What does this say?  Right here - the date?" I held up the paper for Velvet to see; I might not be able to read, but she could.

"May, sweetie." Velvet wasn't sure if the girl still new her months - she actually had written a program for timelessness that would make those concepts difficult to grasp, but the facility had determined that subjects did better if they knew the passage of time since it motivated them, so they'd never - to Velvet's knowledge - used that one on anybody. "May 22nd, 2013." I bit my lip and frowned… what date did I go in there? I didn't know… I knew vaguely how long I'd been there before I met Audrey, but no specifics and it frustrated me immensely.

"I'm eighteen…" My birthday was the fourteenth of May, and that made me eighteen years old.  Eighteen years old.  I was legally an adult.  I shook my head in frustration, throwing the newspaper to the floor of the car and raising my voice. "Why didn't anyone tell me I was eighteen!  Someone could have mentioned it!" It wasn't Staycee's fault, but Velvet had to have known my birthday.

"You're eighteen?" I didn't even know my birthday. I mean, I knew it as a kid but those memories were faded, like a photograph left out in the sun, and I couldn't form the numbers. "Happy birthday, Audrey!" I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tight; I knew she was upset and I knew Velvet was probably upset, too - it was hard for her to do everything right. So I decided to field this one. "Next place we go past, we're stopping and I'm getting you a cake, uh huh.  Or a cupcake, at least. And we're going to sing Happy Birthday and then I'm giving you a present. It's a surprise, though, so you're not allowed to ask what it is." Velvet looked past me at Audrey with a deep apologetic expression and mouthed, 'I'm so sorry…’

I frowned and looked down at my shoes.  It wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's. "Sorry… I overreacted… I just…" I shook my head and did my best to keep my thumb out of my mouth.  How would they handle this news?  Staycee got very quiet, looking hard at me, and Velvet looked over between every glance at the road. "I'm… um… free.  I mean, the facility isn’t chasing me.  They're just chasing you two…"

I turned my head to the side and pursed my lips curiously. "I don't understand, Awd'y. What do you mean?" She was free? But she'd been in there with me; how could they not be chasing her? My hand slipped into hers and I squeezed - only now realizing how it had become my anxious response - and looked over my shoulder at Velvet, then back at Audrey, waiting for clarification. "I… I don't get it."

Velvet slowed the car, pulling over to the side of the road.  I wished she hadn't - I hated the spotlight - but it seemed she didn't know this, either.  Wasn't it in my file?  Then again, I doubted they planned to keep me there two years. "I was tried not guilty.  They said… um… I suffered symptoms of… some stress thing, watching my best friend try to kill herself." "Post traumatic stress disorder." I looked up at Velvet and nodded at the recollection. "That was in my file?" "No - I guessed it the first day you met me." So at least they weren't wrong. "Up until the trial, I was in a psychiatric hospital, and when I was found not guilty, my parents checked me into the facility instead.  They said I needed rehabilitation; they wouldn't even look at me at visiting hours at the hospital.  My sister never even visited once.  I agreed, only because… I wanted them to forgive me." I was crying, though, and I rubbed the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.  I really was a baby now, huh? "So that's it.  I turned eighteen and their rights over me are gone.  That means my consent for treatment is void…"

There were so many thoughts in my head at that moment but the loudest was how unfair it was on Audrey, how unfair everything that had happened; she hadn't even been court ordered! To have her family do that to her, to treat her so badly, and then, when we escaped, to know that I was the only reason she couldn't have stayed with Roger. I stumbled over her and opened the door, collapsing in the gravel and throwing up over and over until my throat was raw and only bile was coming out. Tears stung my cheeks as the realization washed over me over and over and over, and when I finally turned around and wrapped my arms around Audrey - she'd been dutifully rubbing my back and holding my hair - all I could manage was to repeat those thoughts. "You're free… you shouldn'… shouldn't be wif' me. I a fugitive. Your life will nev' be easy if you wif me, an' you 'serve easy, you 'serve happy… 'serve a pwoper famiwy with Velvet and Woger…" Velvet, of course, was just as much a fugitive as me, but that didn't occur to my broken logic, just that she didn't have to do this, she didn't have to be on the run. She could be free and safe and happy and all she had to do was leave me behind. "You d'serve to be wuved an' happy, Awd'y…"

I smiled a little bit, still rubbing tears off my cheeks.  She was so damn cute. "I don't have a family, Staycee.  I have you and Velvet.  Even if I went home now, I realize they still wouldn't forgive me.  They don't want me.  And I don't care what the circumstances, I won't ever leave you alone like they left me.  Okay?" I hugged Staycee tight, kissing her cheek.  I couldn't stop crying, but nothing had changed.  We were still on the run.

"Your famiwy is soopid…" I found the smallest of smiles and cuddled up against her chest, content but exhausted and by the time we got into the truck and were back on the road, I'd fallen asleep with my head in her lap. Velvet looked over at the top of us and smiled. "You're really good for her, beautiful girl. Staycee wants to be so strong and wants to make you feel safe, but she's scared. I know you are, too. Heck, I am! For me, if we get caught, I'll be in Zero for life, but I guess that just makes me more determined that we won't. We'll find a nice place, and I'll teach you both how to read again, potty train you and help you adapt back to normality. I'm the one who made you what you are today; the least I can do is help to fix things." She smiled and focused back on the road ahead.

"It's weird, Velvet…" I had picked up the newspaper again, but reading was still beyond me.  Still some of the comics were nice, even without words. "If I'd been better - like, not in a coma - they'd have let me out a week ago.  They would have had to.  They were probably waiting for me to wake up just so they could get rid of me.  I was a liability, there.  If I'd have died, they'd be responsible.  I could have just woken up and walked out.  But we did all this…"

"You could have left, Audrey." Her gaze shifted from the road to my sleeping face on the girls lap, and then back again. "But they had plans for Staycee that would have kept her there forever, cycling through the Phases endlessly with infinitely different variables, each time just to sell data about the facility to investors. You would've been separated from her, made to leave and never allowed to see her again. They could write and rewrite her little head over and over until the paper was endlessly torn and there was nothing left of her." Velvet felt a tightness in her chest at knowing exactly how they would have done that, too - through her. That guilt was so encompassing, so crushingly horrible.

I nodded my head and looked down at Staycee's sleeping body.  I could never have left her. "What happened, Velvet, when I was asleep?  How did you escape?" There were a few variables I couldn't figure out.  Whereas I was probably beyond any effects of the milk addiction in my slumber, Velvet and Staycee were required to drink it.  I wasn't sure how the Zero milk differed from the Firsts’, but it was a loop hole I couldn't solve.  Everything from the moment I woke up in the hospital wing to the words in Velvet's voice was a complete blur.

"Well," It was going to be a lot to explain, and Velvet twisted open the bottle of water from the dashboard and took a sip, wishing she'd thought to pack lipgloss. "I don't know everything. I know I was being held in a room while they got the court order to enroll me in Phase Zero for 'crimes against the state'. That took a while - three months, give or take - and then I was put in Zero and I counted the days to keep me sane.  It was about all I could do with that wretched drug coursing through my veins. I protected my sanity through basic self hypnosis, stopped them conditioning me, but I knew I couldn't last forever. Then one day, there was Staycee, like a guardian angel. She gave me the shot that flushed the drug from my body and told me we were escaping. She told me to go and fix you, then where to take you - remember we climbed the southern stairwell? - then she told me where to meet her. I really don't know much more than that…" It was actually something Velvet herself wanted to know: how Staycee had planned their escape, how it had all worked, how she knew so much.

"Huh…" I looked down at the sleeping girl in my lap, so serene, so frail.  And yet, I remembered the clip of her that Velvet had shown me, when she was a boy, aggressive and forceful.  I didn't condone her actions, not in the least, but maybe a part of Callum was still left over, and maybe it wasn't a bad thing, the same way I kept the good parts of Colin.  Maybe that was what protected her in Zero when I fell apart.  Maybe it was what saved us…

"Maybe she'll tell us when we stop for dinner?" It was hard to imagine the girl cuddled up on the lap of her girlfriend with a very wet diaper and her thumb in her mouth ever actually achieving anything, but the fact they were all here was testament to her abilities. "She looks like an angel when she sleeps, doesn't she? You both do, really; I guess it's one of the side effects of the softening." It was interesting to realize what the facility could do to someone, even without the extensive shots to restructure things in Phase Two, or the further sculpting in Phases Three and Four, something so simple as perfect skin and brilliant blue eyes: it was hard to see anybody who'd gone through there as ever being a boy.

I dozed off somewhere along the way - I guess it was to be expected with how little I slept the night before.  When I finally came to, the sun was down and we'd stopped at a gas station with a McDonald’s.  Staycee was already awake and I lifted my head off Velvet's shoulder with a little yawn.  I was so hungry.  Velvet climbed out her door and Staycee hers.  I followed Staycee and closed the passenger door behind me.  I was wet - I realized it pretty quick - but I could probably wait until we found a place to stay before I needed changing.  I had very little to drink all day.

"You know the last memories I have of McDonald’s, I was ten and saw it as the ultimate meal. There was just nothing above McDonald’s for me. I could be like, 'Filet Mignon? No! Gimme cheebie!'. That's what I used to call a cheeseburger. I think I was a cute kid, iono." I was babbling mostly, but after having woken up in the car I'd found myself overly rested and a little bit stir-crazy; it was nice to get out of the cramped cab of the truck and stretch my legs. It occurred to me only then, of course, that me talking about my childhood might be hurtful to Audrey, so I zipped my lip pretty quickly.

I smiled softly across the table as Staycee ate her cheeseburger and babbled about her childhood.  It was so rare I heard anything about Staycee's past since most of it she didn't remember.  I had taken to chicken nuggets myself, and I dipped one in barbecue sauce before popping it in my mouth.  It really was the ultimate meal. "So, Staycee - Velvet and I were wondering how you saved us.  You know, how you got us out."

I was in no hurry and I made sure to amply finish my cheeseburger and take a sip of soda - oh my God, soda - before taking a breath and looking across the table at the two of them. I guess this was why we sat the way we did; for story time. I still preferred sitting next to Audrey, though; handholding was easier that way. I set the soda down and began to explain. "They let me stay by your side. I don't know why. Maybe they figured if you died, they could say I did it and it wouldn't be their own liability.” But Velvet interjected: “It probably has something to do with Audrey being the poster girl.  Next to her, you’re expendable, but if you could help her get better...” Staycee shrugged her shoulders. “Iono. But they let me stay, so I talked. I talked to doctors and nurses and orderlies. I paid attention, and I listened and I watched and I learned. But at the same time, I was a ghost. Nobody noticed me if I wasn't talking to them, since my presence in the medical wing was just such a given; everybody assumed someone else knew what I was doing and nobody paid attention to me." I gently took a fry and fed it into my mouth, chewing slowly before taking another sip of my soda and swallowing. "I learned about how to escape; that was the easy part. But I couldn't wake you up, Awd'y… you didn't respond to my voice at all. I knew I had to have Velvet, knew she was the only one that could fix you. She'd been made a Zero, though, and the Zero's are in F Wing, which is a long way from the medical wing: lots of chances to be caught." It was surreal to me now to be telling the story, as though it was someone else who'd carried out these deeds and I was just recounting them as an observer. "I made my plan and I knew I'd only get one shot. One of the nurses - Margaret - never locked the supply station, so I took a half dozen needles and filled them with anesthetic. Then I made my way to F Wing hoping I wouldn't encounter more than that amount of people. There were two orderlies at first; they were difficult. I ran from them, ended up separating them, and picked them off one each. That took a lot of time, though, and I couldn't let this take too long or else they'd find me and it'd all be over. So when I got to F Wing, there was another orderly and a nurse. They were easier. I found the Zero nursery, but I needed to break Velvet out of her state.  So I found the Doctor on duty and I held the needle to his neck and said it was poison, and demanded to know where the counter was. He showed me, and I put him to sleep. I didn't like being so horrible, but I knew if I didn't get Velvet before you woke up next, you… you might never wake up again. So I…" I felt a little ashamed of myself, now, and bit my lip, uncertain if I wanted to continue telling the story. I took a breath and looked down, figuring, eventually, it was better to tell them. "I broke Velvet out, but the alarm went off and that made things terribly messy. She came and rescued you, and then you two met me at the ventilation shaft - but I almost didn't make it.  Another orderly found me…" I anxiously ate another fry, my hands pulling on my fingers nervously as I talked. "I had one needle left, though, so I put her to sleep and ran, and ran and ran and ran. I only got to the top of that ladder a minute or two before you arrived. I told Velvet that if I wasn't there, to get you to safety at all costs, so I was scared I'd missed you both. When the bushes were pulled away… I was so happy." I paused for a few minutes and added quickly. "I know I was a bad person, I jus'… I didn't wanna lose you… please don't think bad of me…"

I reached across the table and took one of Staycee's hands in mine. "You saved me, and Velvet, and her being in trouble was my fault.  I'm so proud of you.  And you didn't even hurt anyone." I remembered the nurse from the first time we escaped and how we had to knock her out; I was glad the anesthetic was there.  I was glad I had such a resourceful girlfriend.  And then I remembered Callum… the crass… no.  My Staycee was refined, and that made her all the more lethal.  I couldn't help but smile at the thought - they brought this on themselves.

"I promised I'd keep you safe." I squeezed her hand and looked up sheepishly at her adoring look, and then at the disbelieving look on Velvet's face. "You did all that on your own….? You sat there for all those months, watching and wondering if Audrey would ever wake up… and you were planning the whole time?" I nodded softly. "Whole time… had to be patient." Velvet just shook her head and unwrapped her burger, then looked at Audrey. "Don't ever lose her, Audrey. Don't ever let go of her, because she faced down the devil for you." I bit my lip and blushed a little, smiling a bit. "I'd still be there if not for you, Awd'y… you saved me."

It wasn't true.  If it wasn't for me, Staycee would have never been a Zero; she would have graduated over a year ago.  But still, the sentiment was nice.  And I didn't think myself bad for her - not with the way she smiled.  Things were finally looking up.  We all finished the meal and climbed back into the truck.  I squeezed in the middle again and looked ahead at the dark road. "Where are we staying tonight?"

We pulled out onto the road and got driving before Velvet answered with a little smile. "The next place with a vacancy." For some reason, that sentiment made me smile. No plans, just us and freedom and the next place with a vacancy. I pulled a nail polish out of the glove compartment - I'd thought to get it from the suitcase after dinner - and took Audrey's hand in mine, resting it on my knee. It wasn't her blue, but it was close, and it was the first time Audrey would ever have had her nails painted, so I figured it was a big moment: a big moment in a small pick-up on a lonely road with nobody to save us. All in all, it was pretty romantic.
 

[ELLIE52]

Interesting about the self-hypnosis Velvet did to herself while waiting for the Big Zero.

[YourFNF]

You know I wonder if you could restore memories with older hypnosis techniques or with psychedelics. I know there have been experiments with using them in the treatment of PTSD. Although the best thing would be capture one of those machines and reverse engineer the process. The actual research papers would be even been better. The problem is that it sounds like repeated editing causes some kind of neurological damage. Possibly by causing connections to break and reform in unpredictable ways. If you had a complete connectome map though could you use the optogentic process to the selectively regrow the connections back into their original positions? Complete factory reset. That data has to exist or how else would they account for personal differences in brain structure necessary to get the level of precision and control required for this? So if you were to get the original brain scans it might be possible to undue the damage but at the possible cost of the new memories. Maybe you could digitally reconstruct the memories from the scan data so that the person can re-expierience them via a video? They have to make those machines somewhere. Or if they are assembled on site the parts have to purchased somewhere. The transports can't have heavy escort without attracting attention, the drivers probably don't even know what they are carrying. Get the shipping logs find a remote stretch on the delivery route. Two cars with state police markings pull up front and rear stopping the truck. A van carrying the strike team pulls up and takes control of the truck. Then the vehicles return to a warehouse to transfer the cargo, the team scatters after we torch the fake state police cruisers and the truck.

[YourFNF]

@pg. 274 Jesus what's in that stuff? How the hell does it act that fast? One drop on the tongue? How does it even reach the CNS to take effect? Was there preconditioning? The effects sound like MDMA but the instantaneous effect it shouldn't be possible from a physiological standpoint. Typically MDMA which this seems closest to can hours to reach full effect. And what do they do about the side effects?

 

I can only imagine the shit storm when this gets'  out. It's going to make the Tuskegee experiments, agent orange, and water gate look like small time shit. Hell this may the first time in history US government officials face a Hague tribunal. Honestly something long over due.

 

pg. 281

I'm almost 100% against the death penalty but in this case.....

The fact that these people knowingly and of their own free will engaged in this kind of torture. You have to know this shit is wrong and nobody was forcing you to do this. Honestly I might be able to ignore white collar shit or data falsification if meant not rocking the boat, but this... If my boss asked me to work on something this fucked... I'd play along just long enough to clear out some files before hauling ass for the nearest FBI field office. I'd also make backups online set to release on a timer.

There is no excuse.  If I was on the jury I'd send them to a firing squad no hesitation.

[ELLIE52]

"Wake up."

I kept getting flashbacks, and finally realized I was thinking of Mulholland Drive.  Really liked that movie, but not the ending, a little too severe.  BTW, I finished reading the story from the download early this morning.  Not a Mulholland Drivish ending, thank goodness, but just as mind-blowing.  Great story. 

[Sophie ♥]

Thanks so much @ELLIE52!  And I am still amazed at how many comments we are getting on this story. XD I honestly thought this one would be ignored since it's a re-post of a re-post.  But I'm glad we have so many people hooked on the Project Calibeen series!  

I'm actually home sick today.  So I'm going to TRY to finish up all of A&S online and post more Lottie and Velvet.  I'm also working on TWO other stories and Frosty Pt. 2.   Plus we have captions to do today... when did my life start revolving around diaper stories??

~Sophie

[Sophie ♥]

PART VI: Magic Words

We stayed in six different hotels six different nights, and I was starting to worry that we'd never settle down.  I had no idea what state the facility was in, but how far were we willing to go?  Would we leave the country?  Still, every night and every morning, before we left the hotel, Velvet would hypnotize us.  We'd gotten some of our reading levels back - maybe up to third grade - and could read analogue clocks, though that one she taught without hypnotism.  Staycee was learning to use the bathroom at a pretty quick rate, though she always wore diapers just in case, but I wasn't having such luck. "I don't get it; I was potty trained so quickly as a kid…" Velvet was slipping on her coat and shoes having just changed me out of another wet diaper.  It was becoming nauseating to me.  Velvet was already out of diapers with the exception of bedtime, and Staycee was using the toilet at least once a day.  And still, I couldn't even tell when I was going!

Velvet looked over at the bathroom door of the little hotel suite at the sound of running water - I was still showering; the simple ritual of running hot water having become so important to us as we spent the past week on the road - and then looked back at Audrey with a sigh. "I don't know, sweetie. It's just practice and persistence; it'll take one day. You've picked up reading a lot quicker than Staycee has, to be fair." The shorter girl knew just how different the two things were, though, and she knew better than anybody how much it tortured Audrey to not be able to conquer this.

Velvet had been different recently, like she hadn't been sleeping well, or maybe Staycee and I were starting to wear her down.  But the chipper girl I'd met in the Hypno room was far from present.  I bit my lip and nodded my head, kicking the carpet with my feet.  I shouldn't bother her anymore than I have to… "You're going out without us?" She wouldn't leave us behind, though, and then I noticed the time.  It was just past noon.  We'd sure slept a long time… "Don't we have to go soon?"

"Just to the office to discuss some things with the owner, and then into town to check out a few things." The things in question were fairly evident by the newspaper she'd tucked under her arm peppered with red circles, though; Velvet was looking for work. The shower squeaked off and I wandered out of the bathroom a few moments later with a towel wrapped around my body and another in my hair; utterly the image of femininity. My eyes went wide when I saw Velvet by the door and I looked confused, glancing from her to Audrey and back. She was going out without us?! But… but...

"She's looking for a job." I noticed Staycee's panic before she even showed signs.  Did I act that way when the thought crossed my mind? "So… that means we're staying here again?" No, if Velvet was getting a job we'd be staying here a lot longer than another night.  We were settling in?  How long would we be living out of a hotel?  We couldn't possibly have much money left, not after food and gas and nightly rentals.

"I wanna work, too." I bit my lip a bit harder to stave off the remnants of my anxiety and crossed the room to Velvet, plucking the paper from her hand. Reading, however, was still an issue beyond the basics and I frowned. I was s'posed to be the one taking care of Audrey, it was my promise, my privilege; my downcast gaze made it clear just how useless I felt and I tried to think about ways to get work without reading. I could go find a place - a café or something - in person, tell them I'd work for not very much.

Velvet kissed Staycee's forehead - a task not so hard in a pair of cheap heels she bought at the gas station four days ago - and smiled warmly. "You will.  I promise." Velvet gave a small wave toward me and I returned the gesture before she left through the front door.  Despite my faith in her, I still felt strange being left alone.  I crawled back onto the bed and fiddled with the remote for the television.  I'd forgotten how much I loved television, and it didn't involve any reading! "Come lay down, Staycee?"

It was only a few moments after Velvet left that I remembered that I wasn't anxious without her; I was anxious without my Audrey and I still had her. She crawled under the covers and pulled them back over her.  Basic privileges like television were such treats now, but the bigger treat, the bigger joy, was when she said things like inviting me to lay in the bed. It shouldn't have excited me; we always laid together and us being apart at all for longer than the ten minutes it took to shower was exceedingly rare. But something about the way she asked… I smiled and bit my lip, crawling up onto the bed and settling in next to her. "Hey, Awd'y? You're beautiful."

I'd spent the past six days thinking heavily on what Velvet had said about affection.  Since that day, I felt it again.  It wasn't strong, but neither were Staycee's actions.  Sometimes when we'd lie in bed at night, I'd think about the way she kissed me in the shower, but Velvet shared a bed with us.  And this was the first moment we'd had alone for more than five minutes since leaving Roger's.  I kept the TV, watching idly and thinking what to do.  Just kiss her?  That would be a start.  So I rolled over onto Staycee's stomach, her still clad only in a towel, and kissed her lips.

For two girls closing in on their twenties a simple kiss shouldn't have had the electrifying impact that it did, but you have to understand; Audrey hadn't kissed me - as in, initiated a kiss - since before we were Zeros. It caught me off-guard and left me breathless as I looked up into the girl’s eyes with a silly smile. "You know I don't think I've ever appreciated a kiss quite so much." My cheeks filled with color and I looked away coyly, feeling a little stirring beneath my towel that I was desperately hoping she hadn't noticed.

Her hair wasn't wrapped anymore - she must have taken the towel off before climbing into bed; I was too distracted to notice.  I kissed her again, too shy to say anything, and one more time.  I didn't understand the higher dynamics of kissing; I'd kissed a few girls in my time, but never anything very passionate.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I ran my fingers down Staycee's sides, the towel still in place, and continued to kiss her.  To anyone else, her scantily clad body might have been sexy, but it just worried me.  What if she wet the bed?  We'd have to sleep in it, or did they have room service here?  I never understood room service…

Audrey's fingertips were like little electric probes being dragged along my skin, lighting up each and every nerve ending at once as they passed and I couldn't help but lace my fingers into her hair and pull the sweet innocent girl’s lips closer to mine to lavish her with another kiss. It felt like a lifetime ago that we'd laid in the bed and she'd begged for me to love her, but down in the extremities of my toes I could still feel the tingling buzz.

Things were very different after Staycee laced her fingers in my hair and kissed me her way.  She was so much better.  She might not have her memories, but instinct was still in there somewhere.  The worries about the bed and about her naked vanished instantly and I found myself rubbing my dress against the towel.  It was so intoxicating; not like I felt before Zero, but it was… intense - maybe more than I'd hoped for.

The lithe little form atop me gently gyrated against my towel-clad body and I was sure she felt the firmness that had built since she'd climbed on top of me - I wasn't sure how I felt about being a girl with a penis - whether it made me feel less of a girl or if it was a vital link to my past - but one way or the other it didn't really matter in this moment. I was aroused, and it was showing. But now I wanted for her to notice. I stared up into her eyes and kissed her again, biting my lip and breathing in sharply as she rubbed her crinkling behind over my body. "Oh, Awd'y… why are you so beautiful?"

I wasn't sure why I did.  I shouldn't have, but there was something electric in Staycee's final word, something that made me light up like a Christmas tree.  I wanted so badly to make her feel the same way.  I ran my fingers down Staycee's shoulders until I came to the towel, pulling it away and leaving my girlfriend completely naked, with her penis sprung to life.  I still had no fondness for it, but there was a certain desire inside me… I wanted so badly to make her happy.  I slowly slid down her body, resting between her legs, and taking her cock in my hand.  She wasn't nearly as big as Cass, but it only made me feel more confident!  And the towel was still beneath her, too.  Everything was working out so perfectly.

We’d showered together, we’d diapered one another and picked out outfits for each other, but for some reason being naked now was so much more special, so much more intimate and close.  When my towel was splayed out to either side of my body, when my penis was grasped by her fingertips and the most beautiful girl in the world settled down between my legs, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I had a faraway look on my face as my fingertips tugged at the bedsheets on either side of me and I bit my lip, doing my best to maintain some level of control over the tingling lightning coursing through my body at her slightest little touch. "Awd'y… Awd'y… it… I mean… you dun' gotsa… I jus'…." My thumb slipped into my mouth to silence the baby talk and my back arched a little as her fingertips draped up and down my penis.

"I wanna." Oh, how I wanted to.  I had played with myself, of course, before all this happened.  I knew what a penis looked like and I knew how it worked, but still I couldn't keep my eyes off hers.  I played with it curiously, stroking it different ways, seeing her reactions.  I wasn't enjoying myself, really, but I wanted to do this right.  I continued to run my fingers lightly beneath her cock, staying away from her balls entirely - that weirded me out for some reason - maybe because I had no experience there…

What we'd shared before Phase Zero - my being inside of her - had all been for her, it had been to scratch a desire that she had. It wasn't to say that I didn't absolutely adore it, I did - I did, oh how I did - but this? This was all about me. Her fingers explored me and mine continued to dig at the bedsheets, my breath coming out in little gasps and breathy moans; one of the side effects of the softening had been an intense increase in sensitivity all over our bodies and this area was no exception. She was pulling my strings and I couldn't help but dance like a puppet; a gaspy, breathy little sex doll for her to play with.

I leaned down, after I was satisfied with my playing, and kissed the tip of her penis.  It was so erect now.  I kissed it again, my cheeks burning hot, my thumb still playing gently with the underside, and then took the first half in my mouth.  It was so much smaller than Cass - so much more comfortable; even this puzzle piece fit.  I happily moved my mouth up and down, the way Cass had taught me with tugs of my hair.

My first instinct had been to have a flash of having to watch what Cass did to my sweet little girlfriend, but the moment her lips touched my penis the second time, and let it slide inside her warm little mouth, I couldn't think of any single moment in time other than right now and right here. Those memories flushed away and my back arching on the bed; I was afraid I might tear a hole in the sheets with my fingertips. "Ohmigawsh…. ohmigawsh, Awd'y Awd'y Awd'y!" I managed to breath and tried for more words, but the smile on my face said so much more than words could have. It felt… it felt so indescribably amazing.

I licked the bottom of Staycee's cock, sliding my lips up and down.  This felt lovely: not inherently sexual, but her sounds made up for that.  I continued to lick and bob on her cock, so content, until my stomach contracted and I felt the mushy warmth slip out of me.  No, no, no!  My instincts kicked in and the tip of Staycee's cock became my new pacifier, sucking on it to stave my anxiety.  I continued to rest helplessly between her legs, the soggy mess filling the seat of my diaper, as tears started down my cheeks… why here… why now… why this…. The mess didn't cease, either.  With all the toilet training I'd been trying, I'd managed to avoid going the day before, and by the time my bowels were completely empty, the diaper was very well full.  I finally took my mouth off Staycee's cock, sobbing quietly.  Had to change, had to shower… get clean… filthy girl… filthy…

With the way my patchwork libido worked, my initial assumption when I heard the sound of my girlfriend’s diaper filling, when the aroma filled my senses like a cloying cloud of ecstasy, was that she was doing it for me. The fact her sucking became so much more intense the moment it happened only confirmed that to be the case, but when I looked down and saw the girl sobbing I realized that I was stuck in a fantasy I didn't even want. As quick as I could, I crawled up and pushed Audrey down on the bed; she winced as the mess spread through her diaper, but my hand drew her dress up, exposing the purple garment and making the smell that much stronger. I ran fingers down her tummy and I gently pressed against the front of the crinkling plastic, whispering softly, "Did I say you could stop, my pretty little girl?" My lips planted down on hers in a passionate kiss and I pulled up only to talk. "You're beautiful, Awd'y… you're pretty and you're gorgeous and you're simply the sexiest girl I've ever imagined wanting to be with. You're everything perfect, everything I'd ever want…" I bit my lip and smiled. "You were even thoughtful enough to cater to my shameful little fetish. I'm so lucky." I knew she hadn't done it for that reason, but I figured in my head that if I could assign positive thoughts to the action, maybe she might actually be able to release herself from her self-loathing. "You're such a perfect girlfriend." And then another kiss; my hard cock pressing against her tummy as my hand slowly started to rub the front of her diaper.

Wave after wave crashed over me.  The smell of my mess filled the room and the mushy mass squished roughly against my bottom, pushing it between my legs just as Staycee's fingers came down on my diaper.  Gross, gross, gross!  But no words came out, because it wasn't the shame that was washing over me… it was her words.  Beautiful… pretty… gorgeous… sexy… perfect… again and again and again and again.  Her hand started to rub the front of my diaper, the mess between my legs, the room full of my stench, and I didn't complain.  I was disgusted.  I wanted to throw up.  But I didn't stop her… couldn't make myself…

She didn't freak out, she didn't try to run away or cry or anything; her glossy eyes stared up at me as my hand found the slowly swelling bulge in her diaper and continued to rub at it with as much finesse as I could manage. I'd never touched a penis in any way resembling sexual and certainly not through the thick padding of a diaper, but it was a perfect subtle way to keep her calm as I continued to talk. "No other girlfriend would do this for me, no other girlfriend would mess herself willingly just to make me smile… and oh it makes me smile, you make me smile, you make me so happy because you're adorable, with your pretty hair and your sparkling blue eyes and those lips I just wanna kiss," And I did. "Over," Kiss. "And over," Kiss. "And over again." There was one more kiss and about six more after that, and then I finally delivered what I hoped would make her give into me - though my hand was rubbing pretty quickly at this point. "You're so beautiful that you can mess yourself and still be prettier and sexier and more wonderfully perfect than any other girl on this silly little planet."

I was in a complete haze.  The smell was still omnipresent.  The mess Staycee pushed against my skin still squished.  I was still so humiliated, and I hated it.  But I was so beautiful this way; I just wanted to be Staycee's perfect girl.  It was always for her: the reason why I did what I did with Cass, and maybe this too.  I did it so I could make her happy, to appeal to her.  And her kisses tasted so much better, and I felt so stunning… I couldn't help it.  I looked up at Staycee with a hazy smile and my body found a will of its own, grinding the messy diaper against Staycee's hand.

The moment she started to push against my hand, the moment her body took over from her mind and started to grind as I rubbed her through the noisy purple plastic, I knew she was mine: I knew she'd be a part of my shameful little fetish and in that same point of time I felt like a weight had been lifted, like I didn't need to be ashamed anymore. My lips sealed on hers and we kissed over and over as my hand rubbed faster; the feel of her arousal against my fingertips, the smell of the messy diaper, the taste of her lips and the now very audible sound of her gasping moans: I was in so many layers of heaven, and importantly, so was she. I was giving her my fetish, making her want to mess herself for me, tying it intrinsically into her libido as it was with mine. "You're becoming so much more perfect, Awd'y, my perfect sexy little messy diaper girl, grinding against my hand. Breath in and smell what you've done, be proud of it, be so proud, because you did it for me and you're making me so happy. It's not a scent of shame anymore; it's an invitation for me to pin you to the wall and make you mine."

So much of my time with Staycee before Zero flashed before my eyes: of us in the showers, of us in our bed, and even of me, in my diaper, playing with my bottom, and how she'd rejected me that day, how I never wanted it to happen again.  I pushed against Staycee's hand with such force, my body pleading to let me have this pleasure.  I moaned and whimpered, making small cries of need, though I was sure none of them were actual words.  She didn't leave me hanging, though - she played and she rubbed and she whispered things I couldn't even hear anymore, and I felt my whole body convulse.  My fingertips twisted in the bedsheets and I trembled beneath Staycee's torso.  I couldn't stop.  I felt my diaper fill even further, though this I didn't mind.  Not one bit.

She had cum in her messy diaper - her stinky diaper that she had hated so badly - and she'd made it into an instrument of pleasure for me, she'd taken my fetish and absorbed it and made it part of herself, and now she was turned on by it. Like me. Nobody else would ever understand, nobody else would get it, and that’s why it was ours. And the idea, the notion, the thought that my pretty perfect sexy girlfriend had done that, had cum in her stinky, messy diaper and it was all for me, it was too much for me to handle. In a choir of moans and a little cute squeal, my cock erupted all over the girls tummy without so much as being touched. I had stars in my vision as I rocked back and forth and by the time Audrey had stopped with the fiercest of her own orgasmic convolutions - and that wasn't even accounting for the little trembles of pleasure she continued to have as she breathed heavily as her eyes closed - the room smelled so wonderfully strongly of her messy diaper and my cheeks were burning red enough to start a fire. I crawled up next to her and whispered through gaspy breaths. "You're… so… perfect… so proper… no other girl would ever… ever… ever compare to you."

I cuddled in Staycee's arms in complete silence for a while.  We both came down from the orgasms we'd had, but neither of us moved.  My stomach was still covered in her cum, though it was half-dried by the time Staycee spoke up. "I can change you, if you'd like." I felt my cheeks redden and only cuddled up to my girlfriend closer. "Maybe a few more minutes…" It wasn't that I liked being messy - I didn't! - but something felt… strange about it, like it was something I could offer Staycee, and something I could offer myself.  It was a part of her, so why shouldn't it be a part of me?  It was crazy talk, really - I didn't want to like messy diapers.  And I didn't!  I just… wanted to be pretty, and Staycee found this pretty.  So very pretty…

It was strange how things could change, how something I'd been so ashamed of, something I wanted gone for so long, had become something I now cherished. I didn't know why - fundamentally it was still a gross thing - but the idea of my perfect little princess kneeling in front of me, her lips wrapped around my penis and moaning as she filled her diaper - or pinning her to the wall and rubbing her while she did - or even just cuddling up with her on my lap while she… my cheeks were burning again and I couldn't help but smile. "You smell so sexy, Awd'y…my messy little pretty princess..." It was an odd thing to say to anybody at the best of times, but I wanted to give her as much positive reinforcement as I could. I never wanted to hate myself the way I had over this, and now that she was apart of it I never would.

I stayed in that diaper longer than a few minutes, but Staycee became adamant about changing me.  Between Velvet coming home at any minute and risking another rash, I finally relented and laid down on the bed.  It was strange the way everything changed, then.  I knew Velvet's potty training would even have less of an effect now that I liked it.  I mean, not liked it… but I liked being able to do it, though I wasn't sure why being potty trained had to change that.  I smiled shyly to myself.  To do it intentionally... that would make me even prettier.  It was only five minutes later that Velvet came back into the room.  My blush couldn't have been brighter, though I wore an equally bright smile. "Gonna shower." I should've asked Velvet how job hunting went, but I still had cum stains on my stomach.  I kissed Staycee's cheek and bounced off to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. "What's that all about?" Velvet was only mildly curious, though it was a second later she noticed the smell.

"Um…" I smiled coyly, not wanting to lie, but also not strictly wanting to share our precious little pleasure. Velvet pursed her lips at me curiously though, and I bit my lip as I turned away. "We just… well… you know, we were laying together, and… cuddling… and….we…" I couldn't help the smile; she was just so perfect. Velvet noticed the smell, though, I knew she did, so I added in. "And entirely unrelated, afterwards, Awd'y needed to be changed so I changed her." She'd been around us long enough to know that we were pretty aware when we messed and if we changed quickly there was no lingering smell. The aroma that filled the hotel room at the moment, though?

"You changed her." Velvet looked exhausted, but this secret keeping was a little concerning.  Velvet was all about privacy - she knew something had happened between the two young girls from the moment she saw Audrey's smile.  But it was the smell that caught her attention, and now Staycee's behavior… "She didn't seem very upset.  Last time she had that happen…" Velvet put her bag down along with the newspaper, then sat on the edge of the bed.

I sat beside her on bed and bit my lip a little more, soon replacing with my thumb and smiling to myself as I spoke softly. "I… she…" I looked up with a brighter smile. "She hasn't wanted me - like, in a grown-up way - since before Zero. And we were laying together, and I was in a towel, and we just… Velvet she's so beautiful, she's so perfect and she's… she's mine. She loves me and she only wants me and…" There was a dreamy little sigh that matched the tone of my voice, the sort of gushing words and inflections that you only got to have with true love. I also hoped my rambling would divert attention away from the messy diaper issue.

“That’s really good.” She'd guessed all that, but it still explained so little.  It wasn't Audrey's MO to wait to be changed, especially not after last time.  If she was awake and she'd messed herself, things would have ended very badly.  Velvet was only gone two and a half hours, but it was a lot of time for things to happen. "Is she okay?  I'm really worried, Staycee.  It's out of character for her, and I think you know that too.  I don't want to intrude on  your business, but I'm trying to look out for the both of you."

She wasn't going to let it go, and I didn't want her to talk to Audrey about this; her interference might take away everything, might make my pretty little girl self conscious again. So I looked up, my expression very content and airy. "It happened while we were playing. And she got upset, but I told her it was okay and I didn't think she was any less sexy. And… I think she likes it now, like I do. And… and now I'm not ashamed anymore, not ashamed of that part of me." I didn't know what Velvet's take on it would be, whether she'd be happy or not or think I'd done something wrong. She was only looking out for us both; I just didn't want her talking to Audrey about this and ruining it. I was so happy - we both were - and that was rare.

Velvet's expression changed suddenly.  It wasn't concern anymore: it was general worry. "Oh, sweetie.  I've seen a lot of bad reactions, but what you described at Roger's, and what happened a few days back… that panic and fear doesn't just go away." Something was clearly wrong, and Velvet began to fret.  What if something new triggered in Audrey?  What if they still had some form of control? "Please tell me everything, from the start?"

I hadn't done anything wrong! I hadn't… I just… I looked away and squeezed my eyes tight. I didn't want to tell her! She'd tell me it was bad - that our beautiful thing was bad - but if I didn't tell her, she'd go to Audrey and then we couldn't share it ever again. I winced and looked at the bathroom door and began to speak. And I told her everything. That she'd been playing with me, that she'd messed herself, that I'd told her it was okay - she knew about my fetish, and I told her she was such a good girlfriend, doing it for me, and her tears stopped, and she smiled. And the more I told her how sexy she was in her messy diaper, the more into it she became. I told her about after, about how even free of the orgasmic influences, free of the hormones coursing through our bodies, Audrey was still so happy.

Velvet gave Staycee a sympathetic smile and stood up to hug her. "You know, when I was in the facility, we didn’t have Firsts and Seconds.  There was one girl there who was as close to a First here as you could get - her name was Annie.  Annie was already so broken when I’d gotten there, and a lot of the reason I joined the team after I finished the program was to help girls like her.  The facility, back then, was focused on breaking people down, making them helpless, so they could never hurt anyone again.  Only Colette and I ever saw how scared it made them, and together we were going to fix it - add the building up to the breaking down, repair instead of breaking.  But methods were... difficult back then.  The girls were broken very specifically, very brutally, and when I took over the division, I changed all that.  All Firsts are given particular terms that help them grow as girls - things like being called pretty and sexy - to help them accept themselves and their changes.  It was my best attempt at bending without breaking, bringing obedience without burning bridges." Velvet still held Staycee until that point, then held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Anyone can love something they make.  The real power comes from loving something you didn't."

I looked confused as I gazed up into Velvet's eyes and shook her head slowly. "I don't understand…" And I didn't. Well, I mean, I did - she was saying that Audrey only liked my fetish because I called her pretty, and... and what was wrong with that?! She wasn't sad anymore, and I wasn't ashamed, and we were both happy. We were happy, damnit! Why did Velvet... why did she have to… I shook my head and started to cry. "Pwease… pwease… she so u'happy 'fore… an' now she… she pwoud 'cause… make me happy an'… now I not as'amed…" I shook my head faster now. This wasn't fair! She liked it; she wanted to share it with me, she wanted to make me happy!  And it was only because of… because of them! It wasn't fair...

Velvet shook her head and took Staycee's chin, already falling into her maternal-mode. "Staycee.  Do you remember how scared Audrey was of the facility changing her?  They had all those means; they could make her do whatever they wanted, make her think anything, and it scared her so much.  You can do that, too; all Seconds can.  You can make her not her, and it might scare her.  She doesn't realize it right now, but she might.  Those words are strong to her.  You know the words because, as a Second, you're taught certain compliments to use on your Firsts.  But she was never a Second - she doesn't know those words exist.  When you're a Fourth they desensitize you - you're not supposed to go out into the world so impressionable.  Anyone could take advantage of you." Velvet sighed and shook her head.  This was confusing.  Maybe a different tactic… oh! "You're beautiful, Staycee.  So wonderfully perfect.  So cute and adorable and sexy and gorgeous and… perfect.  Just perfect." The haze came quickly - Velvet knew it would.  Firsts and Seconds were easy.  She took Staycee's chin and kissed her lips.  It would take a moment for the haze to wear off, but she'd realize what she let Velvet do.

The moment the kiss came everything melted away; all my worries and complaints and anguish and anxiety… all gone in a kiss. Velvet's kiss. She kissed me. And I let her. I let her kiss me! I blinked and stepped back, shaking my head. Why had I let her do that?! Why… she's… she's not my Audrey, she doesn't get to kiss me. But I wanted to; that's why I did it. I wanted to please her, wanted to show her I was perfect and adorable and… I blinked and looked down as the realization hit me. "Oh my gosh, Velvet…"

She gave the softest, kindest smile. "It's alright.  Now you know." Velvet thought Staycee would start to cry, but she seemed more in shock.  Velvet took Staycee's hand and led her to the bed, sitting her down. "Those words won't leave her, Staycee, or you.  I can work with you both to make them less potent, but I can't do much else.  Until then, you need to be careful.  One word at a time, and only in moderation.  I don't think what you did today will cause any damage, though: part of hypnotism requires repetition.  You'll probably find she won't get anxious over her messing anymore, and she might have expectations of you when she does, but she won't go out of her way to mess herself.  Probably, anyway." She gave a soft smile and kissed Staycee's forehead. "Things will be fine - you'll see."

Those words would always have power over us? I couldn't get that thought out of my head. In a week, a month, a year, some boy flirting with my Audrey, calling her pretty and having her at his every whim. I felt so very sick. I looked down at my hands and spoke quietly. "How can we get rid of those words? I'm so afraid, Velvet… Audrey's so pretty… people are going to want to take advantage of her… I… I can't protect her every hour of every day." The diaper messing thing, maybe it had done some good; if she was less anxious then it was a good thing, right? But so much could go wrong.

"I'll help.  When you're both asleep, I'll do an hour of hypnosis.  No one was supposed to leave the facility until the desensitizing.  I could probably get the words at least to the level of a Fourth - they won't be able to induct you into hypnosis, but they make you feel warm and glowing - but it'll take time.  Maybe a week… maybe a month.  But I'll do an hour a night." The last thing Velvet wanted was to stay up an additional two hours every day, but this was partly her fault; she had to fix her mistakes.

Slowly the anxious fiddling with my fingers - something I'd chosen to do to try and stave off sucking my thumb - starting to wear down to just casual rubbing and I looked up with a little smile. "I… I was so happy, Velvet. I thought she really wanted to try and help me, like she knew how much this fetish tortured me, and she wanted to help me see it was nothing to be ashamed of." I couldn't look up anymore, though, and I sighed a little. "And it was all just hypnosis.  She still thinks it’s disgusting, still thinks I'm disgusting…" It wasn't that I wanted to have a messing fetish, mind you. It was just that if I had to… it was nice to be able to share it with Audrey.

Velvet gave a small sleepy smile. "We'll fix it, get rid of your wants.  That'll take time, too, but it'll be worth it.  You know you don't want this, Staycee.  And you know you don't want to drag Audrey into it, too.  You want to resolve it, and I'll help you with that.  Okay?" She sat down on the bed and closed her eyes, still sitting up.  She was so tired. "You're not disgusting, either: you're gorgeous.  And if you don't believe me, ask her."

Maybe it was because she called me gorgeous, or maybe it was because it was a good idea, but I decided to do just that. I crawled up the bed and kissed Velvet's cheek with a little smile. "Thank you, Velvet. You should nap. Awd'y an' me will go down to the McDonald’s and bring back some food, okay?" McDonald’s has actually turned out to be a fairly cheap way for us to eat - certainly not the healthiest, but we also knew what to order without having to read and that was a plus. Velvet looked so exhausted, her delicate features showing the signs of fatigue, and I wanted to help her the way she'd helped us. "I'm going to ask Awd'y. You rest up, okay?"

She gave a small nod and climbed up in bed, putting her head on the pillow.  In an instant, she was asleep.  I had just turned the shower off when Staycee walked in.  I covered myself with the towel, though I knew how silly it was.   We'd seen each other naked so many times already, and she'd be putting me in a diaper in just a minute anyhow. "Hey, Staycee.  What's up?" She looked bothered; it was such a blessing that I could read her at a glance.

I didn't know what I should tell Audrey; if I told her the truth of things, her anxiety about diaper messing would return, but Velvet had said that wouldn't happen, so maybe it was just because it had already been written as an idea. I took a breath, and took her hand. "Velvet said that you don't really like messing now - that you only do because I called you pretty." It was the most arbitrary comment in the world, but I followed it up with further explanation. "Firsts and Seconds are conditioned to become compliant when we're called pretty or beautiful. They get rid of that when we become Fourths, but because we didn't… we're vulnerable. Velvet said she'll fix us, though, so it won't be a problem anymore." It wasn’t strictly true, but this version of events wouldn't stress Audrey out.

I was a little confused, but I did my best not to show it; there was no point in Staycee thinking she'd gone crazy. "Um.  I don't like it.  I like making you happy, and you like it, so… I mean…" I bit my lip and looked at my feet.  How was I supposed to explain this? "It's not so bad.  I mean, if you're right, and you calling me nice things made me more… compliant… that's fine, because I wanna make you happy.  And if not freaking out every time I have an accident makes you happy… and, realistically, it's probably better for me too.  Right?" My sentence structure was tragic, but it was difficult to keep a coherent train of thought.

I blinked and tried to make sense of her words; it was odd for our communication to be so stunted, but I ended up smiling and looking up at her pretty blue eyes. "…right. Right! Of course." She just wanted to make me happy the way I liked to make her happy, and she was right… her not freaking out over having an accident might actually be a useful thing. And that got me thinking about other ways we could use this influence over one another to make things better. "You really were the sexiest thing I've ever seen, laying there so vulnerable and…" I grinned and covered my mouth, realizing I'd used an influential word. "Oh gosh, sorry!"

I felt my cheeks get hot and turned away from Staycee in embarrassment. "Oh hush… it was one time, and… yeah.  We never have to talk about it again." But before I got another word out, Staycee spun me around and kissed my lips.  I felt a small smile creep on my face and I looked down at my feet. "It's not so bad.  A little gross, but… you make it better.  You make everything better."

It was my turn to blush now and I bit my lip, unsure if that qualified as a compliance word. I certainly felt warm and wonderful, but I figured that was what it was like to actually have something sweet said to you. "I really couldn't do any of this without you. Without you, I never could have escaped, never could have made it so far, never could have stopped hating myself for what they did to me. You make everything perfect." I could only manage a small smile and a lot of blushing, but it was true. "It's nice, you know, not to be so ashamed. But you know that now, don't you?" It was funny how something so simple could strip away so much shame and self-doubt. "Anyway, I'm worried about Velvet; she's exhausted. I told her to nap and that we'd go and get 'donald’s: heebies for me an' Nuggies for you an' Big Mac and apple pie for Velvet." We were all so very habitual. "Come on, let big sissy Saycee get you diapered and dressed, pretty girl." I grinned slightly. What was the harm in a little fun?