Your life, I want to give some advise about telling your spouse.

[abdl25]

I just want to talk for a little bit, most of this is probably stuff you have herd before.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

For every good story, there is a bad one. it is a crapshoot

[Baby Brian]

Very true Christine, but how can anyone think some one else loves them if they don't completely know who you are? Being an AB, DL, TG, etc is who we are. Hiding that means you are hiding a part of your life from your partner. To me I see this a recipe for a bigger disaster than the potential of being rejected by someone EARLY in a relationship (when you should be telling them).

[BriGuy]

I've learned if you share this side of you with your girlfriend/significant other with a positive spin his/her reception level is higher. After all, it is definitely something that can bring you even closer in the relationship.

Everybody I've shared this side of me with have been supportive.

I also think it's best to get it off your chest early in the relationship that way not too many emotions are built up to create hurt.

Of course learning to ease in to the topic is a bit of an art form I've learned.

Glad to hear things went well for you!

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Very true Christine, but how can anyone think some one else loves them if they don't completely know who you are? Being an AB, DL, TG, etc is who we are. Hiding that means you are hiding a part of your life from your partner. To me I see this a recipe for a bigger disaster than the potential of being rejected by someone EARLY in a relationship (when you should be telling them).

Easily said, but the doing, even if you intend to, is more complex than a few sentences. Something about "There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are...." and "easier said than done". At what point is "early" and "not too early"? How do you broach something that you have kept hidden? How do you know what the other is associating your fetish with? It is not ALT for no reason. Try explaining this to a 23 year old who is in the habit of keeping this under wraps for a decade. What do they say about sleeping dogs and discretion and valor? We all know and agree on the "why", it is the "how" that is the big mystery. The Devil is in the details. It is a good guess that soon the other side of the coin will show itself. I have read some real horror stories here that include blackmail being outed

[BriGuy]

My recipe for success is to feel the person out in terms of understanding and openness to new ideas. Generally I broach the topic of alternative lifestyles and Bdsm as it's more mainstream. If the lady I am talking about shuts down that conversation I shut down our dating and move on to another woman.

I did this early in the dating. It allowed me to feel out how open the other persons mind is and how well they deal with different ideas. It also allows me to broach a touchy subject without incriminating what I am into. My number one requirement to dating is that the person I date has an open mind and a willingness to accept things that are different. It's pretty easy to tell early on who is and who isn't. Generally it comes out in the first dinner.

If the person I am potentionally dating is open then I will dive in a little further.

To this day I haven't had too big of a trouble opening up and sharing my side with people.

Granted a few have had bad experiences. What I've witnessed in those situations is the Abdl had been dating someone for quite some time and then laid it all out on the line. Gotta ease into most situations.

If you have to keep a secret from your spouse then maybe that isn't the person you should be with? I mean seriously, if they cannot or will not accept your authentic self what sort of miserable love is that?

I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't share myself in my entirety.

Sorry to de-rail the topic OP. I will never support the ideal some people have on this site that hiding who you are from your spouse is a good thing.

Hiding who you are to your loved one is a travesty and I feel sorry for those who have to stay closeted in their own homes.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Spies keep secrets from their spouses all the time as did Mafia Dons, when the Mafia was worth anything

My concern on giving advice is that I may (and ought to) be asked the next question. "How"? and if I just spit out generalities, I'm told "talk is cheap". Especially in a situation where paranoid thinking is a habit, a cottage industry and a way of life. So I hold my counsel

This debate goes back to the early days of DPF and probably requires a level of maturity and experience well beyond the average 23 year old to pull off

It may be that the only real way is to recruit from within. The only other possibility is a third party brokering that encounter, say a marriage councellor. Let's face it, in 90% of the cases both parties have "baggage". One has been living in the shadows for a decade or more and has adapted to that and the other has heard stories or some other distorted ideas of what this is about

[Baby Brian]

Christine and BriGuy, I agree with both of your points. I'd recommend trying to broach the subject in broad terms like BriGuy said. If they respond negatively then you can end it there without getting in to too much detail (or trouble).

The US and Soviet spies kept secrets because if they didn't then people would die. If our diaper secrets get out and turns out badly you may feel like you want to die but you won't. That's hardly a comparison and still outweighed by living in secret and always having to suppress who you are, just so you can pretend some loves you all the while the have no idea who you are.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Then you have the problem of the other saying OK then doing a 180 after you thought you had it settled

"You may feel like you want to die" is just it. Keeping secrets has been part of your identity for a decade. And that from parents who are, while you are at home and very young, closer than a spouse. Once you are out, it is like being naked with no arms and legs. In a way, a very big part of you does die since that secretivenemss and what it entrains, is part of your basic identity. It would be like waking up and finding that you have been turned into a frog without the skill set to survive as one

I would think that if you "try bouncing it off the other person in broad terms", the other would say "Now just why is he bringing THAT up? Hmmm..." and up go the antenna. To quote the Wicked Witch of the West "These things must be done delicately"

[BriGuy]

Wow, I never considered my diaper wearing to be close to the level of national security...

Your right, some people feel it's fine to lie to whomever they please.

Still don't make it right!

On the flip side I would think that as a spouse you should be mature enough and responsible enough to not hold out on your significant other.

What does that say about a persons moral compass that he/she can justify omitting truths and or leaving out very important pieces of who he/she is?

In terms of recipes for success, every girl I've dated has changed my diaper! And I've dated more than 3... Even married once, then got married again.

So, I guess I can deduct from my experiences that being open and honest to those I date yields in being able to partake in my lifestyle with them!

What a novel idea....

[Dubious]

The love of my life, live in another country and dislike stuff like diapers

I told her she could wear diapers to concert, then she wouldnt need to use the filthy toilets and the respons I got was "Ewwwww"

[DavidMW]

BriGuy writes:

[BriGuy]

BriGuy writes:

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Wow, I never considered my diaper wearing to be close to the level of national security...

Your right, some people feel it's fine to lie to whomever they please.

Still don't make it right!

On the flip side I would think that as a spouse you should be mature enough and responsible enough to not hold out on your significant other.

What does that say about a persons moral compass that he/she can justify omitting truths and or leaving out very important pieces of who he/she is?

In terms of recipes for success, every girl I've dated has changed my diaper! And I've dated more than 3... Even married once, then got married again.

So, I guess I can deduct from my experiences that being open and honest to those I date yields in being able to partake in my lifestyle with them!

What a novel idea....

You throw around ideas like children throw snowballs.

As I said, the results of "opening up" is a crapshoot, with which, from what I have seen here, no informed person would disagree, therefore unpredictable and could, with equal probability be perfect acceptance, total rejection, anywhere in between or something which I could not even imagine

You are talking about morality, I am talking about psychology. We can even agree on the morality as we look upon it from afar. But throwing around moral cliches does not tell you 1) If you can get the job done and 2) If you can, how. The difference here is you reciting Newton's Third Law, of which I am already aware,and me trying to build the rocket. The Third Law tells me nothing about how to select liquid or solid fule. If liquid, how to build the fuel pumps, the navigation computer or crew accommodations Did I not say "The Devil is in the details" and "there are more thing in Heaven and Earth than...[are dreamed of in all your philosophies Horatio]"

Trying to find some analog between diaper wearing and national security is talking about peaches and hot dogs, both of which I love but they are totally different. However at the individual and emotional level that may be the case. The closetted diaperist has grown to feel that if it gets out, he has been totally violated. Before you can have a nation, or any group, you need to have the individuals that make up that group, so the individual, existentially and therefore in fact, precedes and therefore outweighs the group. Put another way, the group is made up of individuals and can only be so. The individual is not made up of groups. Besides which, if a person is violated, does it make a difference if it was by the Crips or Bloods or by a Russian, Chinese or the like? The perspective of the individual is different from the group perspective. Besides which I made the statement that spies regularly conceal things from, and even lie, to their spouses. The reasons why do not eliminte the fact that it is done and they seem to be all right.

The issue of "lying to whomever you please" is bogus. let me ask you this. If you were confronted by a person who asked you where your family is and made it clear that if you told them, he would kill and eat them: Would you tell him their location or would you "lie" trhough your teeth? (This has already been settled in Ethics)

Mow we are talking about a voluntary relationship but I had to note that you are speaking in terms of generalities here without considering the specifics The closetted diaperist may intend to tell the other at a time of his choosing so this may be intended as a temporary thing and, like so many things, today becomes tomorrow which becomes next week, next month and next year and next... Or the person may wish to open up but no know how. Do not forget, opening up would violate his decade long modus operandi which he knows how to do and has done by habit and the opposite of which he is unaccostomed to, unskilled at and downright scared of. In Ethics, those go into the criteria for a moral judgement. So what appears to be the absolutely moral course, for the purposes of this discussion, is not available so the pontification does no good. Is it not said to "judge a person as himsself" and "Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his moccasins". That does not mean that you do not make judgements, but that you do not make ignorant judgements. Much of Dthics (which is the source of morality) is about what can be done when the "absolutely moral course" is not available

Rahter than create straw men ("some people think it's all right to lie to whoever they please" was never even broached or implied here. If you inferred it, you are in error) or recite generalities, to which we may both agree, What about grasping the full situation and getting to the "how to" which will, I am sure, vary widely amoung individuals and may include not marrying at all. Have I not myself told persons that if they outright lie or try to "trick" their partner (presuming they do it knowingly, deliberately and willfully) they are wrong and open themselves up to consequences that they will not like? Also what about the spouse who is (or seems) accepting and then does a 180; has that not been discussed here? What about the "baggage' that I mentioned earlier? One of my solutions was having it "brokered" by a competent thrid party who understands that baggage

Just so you know, my formal training in Ethics was at the feet of the Dominicans and not the Jesuits

[abdl25]

Im sorry I don't know what you guys are talking about, all I am saying is in my opinion its better to be honest and risk them leaving to be your self around that person than to not risk them leaving and keep it hidden between yourself. If you kept things to yourself you would be more likely to watch videos of diaper stuff to satisfy your fantasies. Which that is basically cheating in a way. That's just my opinion, its ok if you disagree.

[Bettypooh]

If there's something looming large in your life, you aren't going to be able to hide it completely from someone living that close to you all the time At best they will know you're hiding something even if they don't know what it is. As I read the resoponses here I keep in mind who has the actual experience in the matter and whop has not; who has made thwe effore and took the risk of telling and who has went out of their way to hide it in the closet never facing the issue. I've never reached the point of telling anyone myself, but I know that I will when the time comes because if I have to hide something which means this much to me from someone, then they are not somebody I want to have that close to me in my life It really is that simple. And I understand that all of us humans come as a "package deal"; you want one part then you have to take all the parts-and that works for both sides If they want nothing to do with it but are williong to go forwaerd anyway, and you can deal with things without involving them, then maytbe it wuill work out Anything less is a sign that you need to move on.

[Baby Brian]

Abdl25, I couldn't agree more. Honesty IS the best policy. Anyone can try to twist their reasoning all around to justify the "morality" of lying, but it is still going to be wrong regardless.

[BriGuy]

You throw around ideas like children throw snowballs.

As I said, the results of "opening up" is a crapshoot, with which, from what I have seen here, no informed person would disagree, therefore unpredictable and could, with equal probability be perfect acceptance, total rejection, anywhere in between or something which I could not even imagine

You are talking about morality, I am talking about psychology. We can even agree on the morality as we look upon it from afar. But throwing around moral cliches does not tell you 1) If you can get the job done and 2) If you can, how. The difference here is you reciting Newton's Third Law, of which I am already aware,and me trying to build the rocket. The Third Law tells me nothing about how to select liquid or solid fule. If liquid, how to build the fuel pumps, the navigation computer or crew accommodations Did I not say "The Devil is in the details" and "there are more thing in Heaven and Earth than...[are dreamed of in all your philosophies Horatio]"

Trying to find some analog between diaper wearing and national security is talking about peaches and hot dogs, both of which I love but they are totally different. However at the individual and emotional level that may be the case. The closetted diaperist has grown to feel that if it gets out, he has been totally violated. Before you can have a nation, or any group, you need to have the individuals that make up that group, so the individual, existentially and therefore in fact, precedes and therefore outweighs the group. Put another way, the group is made up of individuals and can only be so. The individual is not made up of groups. Besides which, if a person is violated, does it make a difference if it was by the Crips or Bloods or by a Russian, Chinese or the like? The perspective of the individual is different from the group perspective. Besides which I made the statement that spies regularly conceal things from, and even lie, to their spouses. The reasons why do not eliminte the fact that it is done and they seem to be all right.

The issue of "lying to whomever you please" is bogus. let me ask you this. If you were confronted by a person who asked you where your family is and made it clear that if you told them, he would kill and eat them: Would you tell him their location or would you "lie" trhough your teeth? (This has already been settled in Ethics)

Mow we are talking about a voluntary relationship but I had to note that you are speaking in terms of generalities here without considering the specifics The closetted diaperist may intend to tell the other at a time of his choosing so this may be intended as a temporary thing and, like so many things, today becomes tomorrow which becomes next week, next month and next year and next... Or the person may wish to open up but no know how. Do not forget, opening up would violate his decade long modus operandi which he knows how to do and has done by habit and the opposite of which he is unaccostomed to, unskilled at and downright scared of. In Ethics, those go into the criteria for a moral judgement. So what appears to be the absolutely moral course, for the purposes of this discussion, is not available so the pontification does no good. Is it not said to "judge a person as himsself" and "Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his moccasins". That does not mean that you do not make judgements, but that you do not make ignorant judgements. Much of Dthics (which is the source of morality) is about what can be done when the "absolutely moral course" is not available

Rahter than create straw men ("some people think it's all right to lie to whoever they please" was never even broached or implied here. If you inferred it, you are in error) or recite generalities, to which we may both agree, What about grasping the full situation and getting to the "how to" which will, I am sure, vary widely amoung individuals and may include not marrying at all. Have I not myself told persons that if they outright lie or try to "trick" their partner (presuming they do it knowingly, deliberately and willfully) they are wrong and open themselves up to consequences that they will not like? Also what about the spouse who is (or seems) accepting and then does a 180; has that not been discussed here? What about the "baggage' that I mentioned earlier? One of my solutions was having it "brokered" by a competent thrid party who understands that baggage

Just so you know, my formal training in Ethics was at the feet of the Dominicans and not the Jesuits

I just cannot seem to follow you leaps in logic... I just don't understand your connection between Mafia Dons, Spy's, death, diapers and sharing your authentic self with your spouse.

What I do understand is that I see a lot of lonely ABDLS who are petrified about being who they are, and even more frozen in fear to share this intimate side of themselves.

As is the case with the OP, he found acceptance. Even if for now. Sure people can turn a 180, sure things could go sideways. That's the chance at any relationship.

If we allow the trivial status of our ABDL interests have so much power in our lives that we live in a closet afraid if sharing it with the person who is supposed to love us... What sort of love is that?

What do we teach the younger generations of ABDLs by promoting half truths and secrecy instead of acceptance and pride in ourselves?

I'm sorry... I just cannot and will not promote anyone to keep who they are from their spouse under wraps, nor will I give any consideration to the thought that it's a reasonable option.

[BriGuy]

Im sorry I don't know what you guys are talking about, all I am saying is in my opinion its better to be honest and risk them leaving to be your self around that person than to not risk them leaving and keep it hidden between yourself. If you kept things to yourself you would be more likely to watch videos of diaper stuff to satisfy your fantasies. Which that is basically cheating in a way. That's just my opinion, its ok if you disagree.

I agree. It will eventually come out. And then your spouse will wonder what else you've been keeping from him/her.

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

When I moved in with my girlfriend's family they were going through a divorce and I was the target! I lived there for 6 months after her mom and dad had been married for 20 years.. Well some in the family blamed me, I did the best I could to defend myself.. After awhile it takes a toll on you, one night laying in bed I started to cry.. She asked me what was wrong, I said I felt like I was 7 years old again and I was going through my own mom and dad's divorce.. She asked what could she do, I just said hold me and tell me everything's going to be ok. She did and one thing lead to another and I told her about my baby side and she accepted it.. We were together for 5 years she was younger then me and she enjoyed the power trip.. One time after black mailing me forever she always told me if something happens she'll tell everyone about my baby side.. We got in a big fight and with her family already not liking me.. I wanted her mom to know her mom since I've known her became like the mom I never had.. My mom left my life when I was 12. She remarried and told me I was no longer in her life! My dad was a asshole and when he remarried and they began having kids I was lost in the shuffle.. My mom came back into my life when I turned 30.. Anyhow I wanted my Gf's mom to hear the story straight from my heart and not by someone who has a built in grudge against me.. Coming from them they could make it sound sick and twisted.. Her mom accepted me for who I am.. One thing lead to another and she began babying me.. My girlfriend did come back.. I didn't accept the fact I was bipolar and she left me.. I'm know on meds and trying to get my life straight. I've accepted I'm bipolar and that I need meds for the rest of my life!.. If I don't take them I could literally die, I've tried the suicide route before and I was close.. Had to have my stomach pumped and spent a day and a half in the ICU.. When my friend found me I had puked all over myself and didn't even know it.. I was blacking out.. I had taken 100 asprin.

[Forced2wet]

In 2006, (I had nt worn or used a makeshift nappy for around 30 years) I found an ebay item of “Noisy adult plastic pants

[Guest diaperboykcmo]

Damn you shouldn't have been talking to the other girl if you loved your girlfriend. Sounds like we both had what we wanted and we screwed it up!