Husband Is A Dl, Need Advice?!?!

[MyhubbyisaDL]

My husband and I have known eachother since we were kids, then when we got older it turned into more than friendship..... After a couple months of us being together he decided to tell me about one of his fetishes. At this point I didn't know what to think honestly, I had never dealt with it or come across it before. I decided to do some research I always feel better understanding the why. I had some natural concern but I still began trying different things with him and trying to embrace his fetish. Although we had made a breakthrough and he had confessed to me, I still felt like he was hiding things... He would constantly have to reformat his computer and was running tracks eraser programs which made me suspicious. I like to deal with things head on so instead of wondering I decided to look at his history since he was being less than forthcoming...

[Redcoatnboots]

I feel for you.

I'm a friend of an ABDL, but that is only recent, which is why I am on here. Your marriage and loss of trust speaks more to me because I am recently divorced (2 years ago, after a 14 year marriage) and went through years of my husband lying to me, especially about porn, even about an affair.

You've got a couple different things that might be going on. One, your husband has probably had a thing for diapers for years, and may have never really experimented with them. And now that he sees them and is using them for the baby, he may be more interested in experimenting with them.

Having a kid takes time away from your relationship too, so he may be spending more time on the computer as a passive aggressive way to get back at you for spending so much time with the baby. Maybe jealous to a certain extent?

I wouldn't worry too much about him being sexually interested in the baby. Especially if he has owned up to an interest in diapers already (prior to the baby?). He may be thinking more about his own childhood and regressing some himself.

Have you played with diapers before with him? How comfortable are you with his fettish? You might be able to engage him with his fetish and provide him an outlet other then the computer.

Your welcome to PM me if you want.

[Zander]

First things first:

Regardless of whether he is sexually attracted to children or not, viewing pictures of children wearing diapers firmly puts him in the realm of viewing child pornography, as defined by the Copine Scale (specifically brackets 1 through 4 - Indicative, Nudist, Erotica and Posing). If you're in the UK, this is serious and it matters. Before we go too far: I am not asserting he is a paedophile. I am not asserting he has any wish to see images of child abuse. However he and you really need to understand that UK law ends up classing pretty much any pictures of children as being very dodgy unless you have a damn good reason for having them - note that this has been in the news recently. He needs to stop this. Now. If he is unable to do so, he needs to seek help about about it before he ends up in front of a judge or worse, ends up doing something that could harm a child directly or otherwise. I'm not sure how this applies to other jurisdictions - the US and other EU countries may or may not be more lenient for example.

[exhex]

Situations like this are a little tough for an internet community that A) doesn't know all of the details and can't exactly trust the source.

[MyhubbyisaDL]

First things first:

Regardless of whether he is sexually attracted to children or not, viewing pictures of children wearing diapers firmly puts him in the realm of viewing child pornography, as defined by the Copine Scale (specifically brackets 1 through 4 - Indicative, Nudist, Erotica and Posing). If you're in the UK, this is serious and it matters. Before we go too far: I am not asserting he is a paedophile. I am not asserting he has any wish to see images of child abuse. However he and you really need to understand that UK law ends up classing pretty much any pictures of children as being very dodgy unless you have a damn good reason for having them - note that this has been in the news recently. He needs to stop this. Now. If he is unable to do so, he needs to seek help about about it before he ends up in front of a judge or worse, ends up doing something that could harm a child directly or otherwise. I'm not sure how this applies to other jurisdictions - the US and other EU countries may or may not be more lenient for example.

[Zander]

***Additional info he is also a severe case of under treated ADHD so communication is literally unavailable to me unless I want to deal with a moody little boy who can't express his feelings in words, only anger and frustration***

[Dill_Pickle]

All we really know about why someone becomes a DL is that it starts early. We also know that the itch needs periodic scratching, or an explosion is risked.

I am with Zander...you are in a complicated situation (especially as there is an infant involved) and your partner is not trustworthy and playing frankly dangerous games on his computer. In the US, the situation is similar to that in Britain, and hysteria runs high. He may not appreciate that he has absolutely no idea who he is communicating with on the internet. Plenty of people have gone to jail because they went to meet a kid, who turned out to be a cop. Our wonderful NSA has revealed this week that erasing his computer may not keep him out of trouble, either.

You very much have a right to be angry about his breaking your trust. I can suggest you and he use some sort of e-mail to communicate about his private issues. I can also suggest that there should be more important things in his life than being on-line and looking at pictures right now -- parenting isn't easy.

I would expect that, as you are busy with your baby, that your hubby needs to scratch his itch more than you are willing to participate. This has certainly been the case in my life, and the agreement with my wife is that things are OK as long as I don't slap her in the face with my diapering, and it is ok to masturbate in the shower by myself. But I am not taking significant risks online, either...there are no pics of children, there are few pics of anyone in fact, because well-written words do more for me than nude photos, and a real smile is the part of the photo that turns me on...

I can also say how scared I was to reveal the diaper aspects of my sexuality to my wife. So I confirm Zander on the point that he has a lot of fear. I also agree with Zander that help from this board, or the internet as a whole, will not be sufficient for you and you should get in person help too, though you are welcome to ask us more questions and fill in more details.

[Dill_Pickle]

After I wrote the above, I slept, and, in sleeping, it came to me that there is a two-way boundary problem here. On the one hand, your hubby needs to get his itch scratched, safely, or risk having boundaries enforced on him from outside. I would suggest that when he wants to look at a picture of a child, he create it on a fully-encrypted computer which NEVER goes online. Second, you need to understand that your hubby needs some private space which is his alone. Sexuality, with all the associated pressure, real or imagined, is not the place to start dealing with honesty problems.

And yes, you are very much on point about him wanting to BE a child, at least part time.

There are some perfectly good websites for teaching him about how his desires are actually reasonably common, including this one. The shrinks I have talked to have universally ignored my love of being diapered, and instead focussed on my boundary and depression issues.

[MyhubbyisaDL]

I appreciate everyone's input on this very hard situation.... See I literally have no one to talk to about this and he lacks the ability to put things into words. Right now we are working on this and trying to see if we can figure this out. I will say that due to the nature of what he was looking at I will not condone it in any form even if I know what he's doing... I explained to him that although yes these children are not exposing their sexual parts they are still being forced by some sicko to pose for pics and they probably are being molested as well behind the scenes. That's what bothers me the most is that he's supporting that community because he is weak. I can deal with the DL side, but not that! I also do keep up with our sex life and give him everything he wants even since we've had the baby yeah he had to wait a little while but oh well so did I. I'm more of a sexual being than he is I could go every night. But I'm to the point where he needs to give up that aspect of this, he gets everything else he wants and if hes that selfish he will lose me and his daughter accordingly.... Once again thank you all, your information has shed a light where there had only once been darkness before.

[MyhubbyisaDL]

And he never had anything stored that I know of, he just went to a site that has a bunch of sick disgusting wastes of space that post and share.

[thicker]

All of us who are AB or DL have lived with some moderate fear that for others to find out we like diapers is for them to assume we are somehow interested in children in diapers.

[happyindprs]

The mere fact that he has admitted to viewing real infants in diapers, should send up a huge red flag with flashing lights and sirens and have you running from him with kids in tow.

[MyhubbyisaDL]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news,

[Dill_Pickle]

http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/07/man-gets-ransomware-porn-pop-up-turns-self-in-on-child-porn-charges/

As noted, the presence of such images is likely to get your hubby arrested...does he recognize that? Doing things that lead to prison is definitely over the line of mental illness.

He is almost certainly afraid of his own wierdness being totally unacceptable, of it being a shameful secret. Thus, he won't tell you what really turns him on, it is just too scary for him to admit to you. It is certainly true that I have a sexuality for public consumption, and then there is the truth, which I either discuss anonymously or with one or two people I trust deeply.

You and he need to work on opening up communications. You aren't mad, but you are worried. Tell him that. Try anything, especially changing how you communicate. Ask him to read DailyDiapers. Tell him that it is important. Be willing to go just one message at a time. And recognize that reflexes take time and work to change.

Now, as for the AB and DL itself. it is a deep imprint that many of us have repressed in shame for a long time. Discovering, by way of the interrnet, that it is fairly normal has been liberating. Personally, I am DL and being AB for myself is really scary. Your hubby sounds like he might be much more AB...in which case you might want to ask and see if he wants to be in baby mode around the house -- diapered, bathroom off limits, maybe very childish clothes, and some extra direction from you on which chores to do.

[Dill_Pickle]

MyHubby:

We may not have said it out loud above, but you are welcome to private message me (and probably all of your correspondents in this topic) about this subject.