Not Disability, Inability!

[turtlepins]

I think I've decided that in the world of continence the problem is inability. One can overcome a disability, adapt, make changes, and keep the disability from stopping them from doing something they really want to do. My brother-in-law lost half his leg in a farming accident. He wears a prosthesis and runs marathons, uses a bicycle, and works hard every day on the farm. I'm incontinent but I work in the business world in a diaper or sometimes two never allowing my disability to stop me from doing what I want to do. Recently a double amputee climbed to the top of bald rock with another friend who was fighting cancer. For both of them this was the first time they completed the climb, having failed twice before, when they had no disability.

Inability is different. Just as I am unable to control my bladder those who do not suffer from incontinence are often unable to accept that an adult man prefers to wear diapers over other choices. The fact that I've tried many of them doesn't seem to matter. Even in the medical field this inability is rampant. I see it in parents who have children that cannot stop wetting the bed, or wetting their pants during the day. It comes out as shame, blame, ridicule, and humiliation, rather than patience, kindness, gentleness, and acceptance. In the adult world the ridicule and humiliation is even more deadly.

I've tried to educate everyone I know who knows that I wear diapers. Some have backed off the shame and ridicule, but I can still read in their body language and eyes the inability to accept me as a viable, sane, adult person. What will it take to educate them?

Even in the world of incontinence there are those who cannot abide the fact that I am an AB/DL. How I cope with my incontinence is not viable in their eyes. If they have so strong a refusal to accept reality how will we educate them? This is not a rant. Merely an observation. Perhaps some day I'll discover the dialogue that will open doors of understanding. Until then I will refuse to react to the shame, blame, ridicule, and humiliation. There is no future for me there.

[FretaBWet]

How another person reacts to your diapered solution is beyond your control and to not recognize that fact will only cause you undue and endless heartache. It's great that you work to educate those you come into contact with but some of them will never learn because they aren't smart enough and others because they don't want to. What you can control is your reaction to the ones who persist in their ignorance. Getting angry will never help but treating them like they are the disabled intellectually or emotionaly might just piss them off. I've found that many of these people are also cowardly. They might stare or point or laugh but if you confront them and ask what the problem is they will just tell you there's no problem because they don't have the backbone to tell you to your face what it is that they are feeling.

Hugs,

Freta

[Bettypooh]

Turtlepins, I have given up on trying to 'save the world' or even educate those who do not show a desire to learn and become better people. Rather I just do all I can to avoid them, and whenever possible I try to 'help' them fall into their own traps Most people deserve no better. My bottom line us that I really don't give a sh!t about what anyone thinks of me. I am not here to please them. They are the ones who cannot stand on their own without the support of people like themselves. As even sad as it is, I have come to the conclusion that most people are a waste of this planet's resources and that the rest of us would do far better without them being here Since I don't believe in murder all I can do is 'help' them do themselves in and when they do suffer from their mistakes I point out to those who will listen why they do not deserve pity or support from the rest of us. If in their suffering they do not learn, then they will never learn.

To the ones who are willing to learn, I show the principle of things, not necessarily making a direct link to any given matter or subject. If they learn in principle, what they learn will apply to for more than just the one situation being considered. In taking this approach I hardly ever have to address an issue directly to solve it, thus avoiding any need to directly deal with what may be uncomfortable to them. If they fail to connect the principle to the matter yet seem to be intelligent enough to understand it, only then will I connect the two for them.

I can't recall who it was that said it, but when faced with someone attempting to ridicule another, this person responds with "And your point is?" which places the idiot in the spotlight of their own stupidity. Now they have to explain to everyone listening why it matters, which they cannot do :rolfmao: Those who want to be better people deserve your consideration, those who do not deserve to suffer so let them and do not suffer with them- know that you are better than they are and let that show The limited amount of time I have here on earth is not going to be wasted trying to do that which I cannot do- instead I focus on the things I can do in hopes that I can see some of my accomplishments bear fruit before I'm gone from this place. Though I do not 'advertise' my oddities I do not reject or deny them. If you can handle that, fine. If you can't that's just as fine- but in that case stay out of my life or I'll give back what you're giving me and you won't like it.

Sometimes the best you can walk away with is knowing in your heart that you are right. Cling to that and keep moving forward. It's not always much comfort but at least there will be better times ahead once you get past them!

Bettypooh

[turtlepins]

It is hard-wired into me to be a crusader, to help those in need, and to "save the world." I know I can't, but I do have to try. I need to. I don't let anger control me when people react poorly to any condition. Freta is correct. Anger never accomplishes anything if one allows it control. Bettypooh, you're right on the mark when you said: "Sometimes the best you can walk away with is knowing in your heart that you are right." Of course, I'm always right! Well . . . there was that one time I thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was right after all . . . so that doesn't count. Why does my nose feel so long? Anyway! Working with third and fourth generation welfare families in poverty has taught me that with patience, kindness, and determination one can help others change, break free of the chains that have kept them enslaved, and become self-reliant. One couple I began working with five years ago were homeless and hopeless. Today they own a home, the husband is published as an author, and they are helping me reach others who were like them. A single mom who was homeless seven years ago just graduated with her Master's Degree in social services and is off to New York to a new job. For the past five years she has worked at the community shelter and was, until last Friday, the assistant director! I have to believe that there is hope that one day we will punch a hole through that fortress of inability! But thanks for the comments. You rock!

[square_duck]

It sounds like you have a very rewarding job there TP! being who I am and doing what I do, i also have that urge (very strong one) to teach and help others become personally independent and successful and help get rid of this idiotic mentality of helplessness and people thinking that it's someone else's job to do everything for them you want something, you have to work for it and EARN it. Obviously you work with programs that do teach and help people get back on their own feet and are able to somehow stimulate and inspire them to do more and be more than they are and to go on to be more productive and successful in life etc. I know the feeling and it is V*E*R*Y frustrating when you have the tools and want to help and people just don't listen...or worse....care. Oh well. Yes as Bettypooh said "all you can do sometimes is walk away knowing in your heart that you are right" It's hard watching people do self destructive things and not listen or learn, but it seems you work with people who are motivated and have the desire to work themselves out of their situation...since they are essentially at the bottom, and have no where else to go but up.

Trying to get people to understand or accept your incontinence or others and the fact that there are people out there with little to no control of their personal functions and that they MANAGE their situation with absorbent garments is kind of a fruitless task. Some will be able to handle it and others wont, that is the way it is. People are different no matter what and so goes their perceptions as well. Some will remain stuck in the mud while others will work themselves free of their situation and go on to prosper.

Bravo to you for trying and keeping on keeping on...I'd like to be able to do the same thing, helping people (those who will listen and are willing to work and apply the effort) to become more independent and free of all the social BS that people get stuck in. Being an inspiration and positive roll model is a huge responsibility, but also rewarding as well..

very cool....and you wear diapers too So Y*O*U rock! as well

Keep on keeping on and ignore the negative nellies! they are just jealous because they are missing out on all the fun!