Don'T Know How Much Longer...

[ShyDerpy]

...That I can keep going on with this depression and frustration. I've been struggling with depression for years, but it's so much worse now. I'm on medication but it isn't helping much. Normally I just feel numb, which isn't good either, but it sure beats this depression. I miss my sister/mother/daughter/best friend so much, but I know it isn't wise for me to try and go back to her. This will just happen again and I'll be back at point a... I know this sounds dramatic and silly, but, I don't believe I'll ever feel that happiness again. It was so perfect... I know I deserve this, it's karma no doubt. I deserve all this pain. Sometimes I just want out though...

[daddy-jonny]

have you tried talking to a counselor? depression sucks big time i know.. have you tried going to a counselor or going to in therapy sessions at a hospital some place? try and find something to do to take your mind off this. play with a pet, go for walks, watch funny movies, anything to keep you busy. ever need to vent your anger, feel free to message me

[ShyDerpy]

I've had counseling before but I believe it's time I gave it another try. Thanks very much though! I hope a counselor can help with this... I don't really know how to fix this empty and expanding hole...

[ShyDerpy]

I've had counseling before but I believe it's time I gave it another try. Thanks very much though! I hope a counselor can help with this... I don't really know how to fix this empty and expanding hole...

[lilJester]

sometimes time and living life is the only medication that will work.

[ShyDerpy]

This is true. I just get up each day hoping it'll be easier than the last.

[lilJester]

think of it this way. when you hit rock bottom all you can do is go up.

[ShyDerpy]

That's really good advice o: Thanks! Reminded me of that Spongebob episode if you've ever seen it xD

[Bettypooh]

Get to a counselor or therapost soo- PLEASE! And let your Dpoctior know the Meds aren't working so that can be worked on. From here it seems that the biggest problem is the Meds. Yeah, I know some parts of what they do sucks but as long as they keep you off the bottom they can help I had to go through two dose-changes and two Meds before we got that straightened out, and as I'm sure you know they work slowly so it was another week before things got better. In the meantime my Therapist was able to pull me through so it all ended well Please get moving on this for it sure seems that you're in deep trouble and we don't want that to happen to you. This is a serious problem for you and it needs serious attention. Please promise me that you'll get help right away, both at your Doctors and the other too.

We care deeply here but we can only do so much- the rest has to happen on your end

Bettypooh

[diapybabyw]

I deal with depression myself.

[beallucanb]

Whatever you do just keep going forward, there is nothing in your past right now except bad memories, someday you will be able to have good memories to look back on.

I'm sure you will be OK soon.

[lilJester]

Looking back only leads to trouble. look forward before you miss what's up ahead of you.

[ShyDerpy]

Thanks so much guys! It means so much that you all care. I have an appointment with a doctor soon so I'll talk to them about the medication and therapy.

[Bettypooh]

Thanks ShyDerpy- and if it gets too bad before the appointment call them for an emergency visit. Come here to vent if that will help- we know what it's like and we care Twice I almost went suicidal because of my depression. The first time was when I didn't know I had it, but I knew something was badly wrong. And I knew Jessica had it- she was open about her problems, so not knowing anyone else who might understand I called her and she gave me the same advice I gave you- get help right away and promise me you will do that. She knew how close I was to the edge and I really didn't. Her advice saved my life

The second time was when my depression Meds needed changing. It seemed far less serious as the suicidal thoughts didn't stay around- they came and went- but when they were on me it was ever so close. While I wasn't 'down' I had my best friend come over and take my pistol home with him just in case. My next therapy appointment I thought I was better but we talked about it and Sandy (who knows a lot about depression Meds) diagnosed it and verified it with my Doctor. Within 12 hours I was on different Meds and in just over a week later I was doing better. 10 days later I felt like new again

Sandy told me that one sign of your depression Meds failing is when things seem to be going right, but your feelings begin to act like a yo-yo anyway for no apparent reason. Even on Meds you will have ups and downs but they should be milder and smoother than they were. There's no cure and this is how the Meds handle depression, by smoothing things out, not by fixing them. The therapy takes up where the Meds can't go and helps you learn how to live with the rest After awhile on the correct Meds at the correct dosage you will begin to see a pattern of ups and downs, more their severity than their duration cycle If that cycle goes to an extreme low more than once it's time to re-asses your Meds. It is vital that your Doctor knows well what they are doing with Depression Meds so they can keep you on track- not every Doctor is truly qualified to deal with this. The same goes with Therapists though to a far smaller degree. I got lucky with both and that has kept me alive

The downside of depression Meds is that for many of us, in removing the 'lows' they also remove the 'highs', and that is what happened with me It is something you have to deal with and can be mitigated to some degree by taking time to relish the good things in your life- give them a bit of extra 'due' and cherish them deeply. Also make a special time just for yourself to totally relax if stress is an issue. Do that regularly, on a schedule, and don't let anyone else intrude on that special time. My 'time' was a long bubble bath after work; it felt so awesome every day to know I was worth such extravagance I've found that I can get by without Meds now, but sometimes just barely so, and I have to be ready to go back for them at a moments notice because they take awhile to begin taking effect I have come very close to needing to do that so many times I can't count them, but luckily I improved enough before the next day to begin dragging myself out of my hole again on my own. The worst part of clinical depression is that it affects your thinking in such a way that it can sneak up on you and slowly overload you, with you not realizing it until all at once you feel like you're about to break from the strain. And sometimes is doesn't sneak, but rushes at you so hard and fast that you can't handle it alone.

That's why we're here for each other, and what this forum is all about. We help each other get through those rough spots because we all know that sooner or later it's going to be our turn for needing help and support- it just goes with this diabolical disease Always feel free to come here to share, vent, or whatever you need to feel better. By leaning on each other we can keep standing somehow, and hopefully get back to our normal path and progress in our lives soon because of that.

Sorry for the long-winded post, but I felt like getting that out here in hope that some part of it might help someone have a better day. None of us deserves Depression but together we can get through it.

Bettypooh

[ShyDerpy]

Bettypooh, thanks so much for sharing all that. It truly means a lot! I'm sorry you've had to suffer depression yourself, it isn't fair. I'm glad you're okay though! I do my best to be there for people and help them. It makes me feel better knowing I can use my experiences to help others.

As for the meds I know how it feels to have to switch. This will be my 4th time. I know it's not a cure-all, and I know it can take that happy high away, but being stable is what I'm aiming for xD I'm normally pretty numb, but I can get incredibly sappy. I knew when I was starting to have more emotions that my medication was wearing down. I decided to cut back on it a little, and so far it has worked well. For some reason the medication went sour and when I took a higher dose I noticed I'd get really angry and it'd stay for days. I'm not an angry person, and if I ever do feel angry it only lasts for a few minutes or so. Let's hope I have some luck!

[Bettypooh]

Yeah, I noticed the 'anger' thing with my first Meds right before they switched me, not as badly though I also found that I was generally feeling a little more blue all the time then too. The most important part of dealing with depression once you're doing well on the Med and Therapy plan is to monitor yourself Keep a diary and study it to see any trends that show specific points which can show you where you really are with this I've discovered certain feelings, or the strength and duration of them, can let me know that I'm in trouble even when I can't really see or feel it directly CD is certainly a weird thing to deal with in the way it can blind you to it's effects as they're happening

Keep letting is know how you're doing and remember that we care and will be here anytime we can help- and that "we" includes all the regulars on this forum Together we can get through a lot more than we can all alone

Bettypooh

[ShyDerpy]

Thanks again, Bettypooh! I appreciate it greatly! I noticed a lot of mood shifts today, but I did begin my cycle today so I can't say it's the meds. Sorry if that was tmi xD; Once it ends I'm going to keep a little mood calendar so I can see where there are changes and such. I normally don't get the emotional extras when I'm on my cycle, but I can't say they've been normal haha.

[Bettypooh]

There is no "normal" dearie, only "usual" and "unusual"- I fit in the last category quite well Wishing you luck

Bettypooh

[lilJester]

nothing wrong with being unusual, i find it to be more entertaining personally

[LilFozzyJ5]

Ello Shyderpy,

some good sound advice in here, it nice to see people being considerate and helpful.

Rather than write out all I have written before, if you follow the link below to anothe rpost in this section, I have added my two pence.

http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?showtopic=33412

While in that post we are discussing Anxiety (Another Mental health condition, that can stand apart from depression, be caused by it, or indeed cause it) most of the self help tips there, some that have been repeated here, are just as valid for depression as they are for anxiety.

Now no one said it would be easy... making an effort to be socialable in your current mind set is a daunting task, but it can be done and the rewards to your wellbeing are huge, and its the same for any of the tips in this thread and the one i posted the link to.

There are some very good self help websites, I find this one very useful:

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

its free and you can do it at your pace, It will hopefully help you sort out your thoughts and see a more positive way to think. when you log off, ti remembers the next time you log on where you were and gives you a little recap.

there is also a system call WRAP http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/ started by an american women who was sick of being told by experts there is nothing you can do for your state of mind. Its become a huge success for all kinds of people, in all walks of life.

If your depression or anxiety has been caused by events/others, search on the internet, there should be groups near you such as berievement or abused support groups. Get in touch, there is nothing like others that have experienced something similar to you, to boost you. You suddenly realise your not alone.

If you ever want to talk, and im in the chat room, please feel fre to send me a pm. I cannot say I will be a total help, but ill give it a damn good try.

I hope the support shown thus far, really helps you to know there are people out there who really care, and want to help. We in this thread are the tip of the support iceberg!

Cheers

Fozzy

[ShyDerpy]

Wow you guys are totally amazing. Sorry it's been so long since last posting. I have been doing better! There are still things I need to work on, but right now I'm afloat and even working on tapering down on my antidepressant. I'm a little down due to the holidays creeping up, but it's nothing severe. xD Thanks again guys! This community is so caring!

[h200420012]

sometimes time and living life is the only medication that will work.

Yep, that's what I've found. I never wanted to be on meds, but they did change my outlook significantly where I can at least have some enjoyment of life.