Freud, Eat Your Heart Out?

[Ophelia]

Sorry, just felt the need for an eye-catching-ish title. No offense meant, obviously.

...

...Hello!

So, I have been lurking here on and off for about a week, reading topics, and such, and contemplating. I honestly didn't think I would find the courage to create an account and actually post, but here I am -- if anything, for some form of catharsis in divulging my "fetishism" in a public for(u)m, and out of curiosity.

Since I was a young girl (well, younger than I am now, which is in my 20's), I have always been intrigued by the idea of diaper-wearing. Just that -- not infantilism or adult-baby-ism (...terminology fail) for me. Now, I find the prospect of diapers "more than intiguing," an unmistakeable turn-on, a secret fetish. For most of my life, even in my teens, I was never very sexual in any sense, and was and, in fact, still am, chaste in experience. Only recently have I started exploring such things.

A bit of background into my incontienence (which seems relevant to a diaper fetish...): I wet the bed far later than the average child, on and off until I was around 8, and had occasional "accidents" even later than that. Even into my teens, I suffered fickle bladder control (even though, years later, I found out about the wonders of sexual stimulation, and how that can cause others sorts of "moisture"--sorry if that's TMI or too graphic, but it's significant as my parents never warned me about such excretions, which became a source of much embarrassment. Yes, I was a very sheltered child/teen). Since my teens, I've struggled with very mild, but manageable, incontience, without protection -- and it seems it is in part hereditary, as my grandmother and mother had/have "weak bladders."

When I was perhaps 10-12 years old, I would find myself feeling the urge to construct "makeshift diapers." And would act upon those urges by making some out of plastic bags. I mention this because, quite recently, about a week or so ago, I started trying to construct makeshift diapers again out of towels and tissues. I did it again tonight. It was almost painfully stimulating...

All that history given, I am not sure if I will, or really want to, continue acting upon my urges; if I want to embrace, and develop, this fetishism. Either way, apart from experiencing catharsis, I wanted to express my gratitude to those who created and contributed to this forum, because, along with being rather stimulating and inspiring, it did the obvious thing: It helped me realize that a.) I am not a freak of nature, and b.) I am not alone. It did make me feel better. So, thank you.

Anyway, thought I'd stop in and post. Hence... this post....

Perhaps I'll continue to visit.

[rosalie.bent]

Its a nice thread so welcome. I noted that it was age 10-12 that you started an interest in diapers. That's puberty and makes your interest, classic fetishism although clearly toned down some. Just enjoy it. You dont have the Adult Baby aspect of it and that is fine although later on you might enjoy a bit of roleplay as well.

Congrats and welcome!

[Ophelia]

Its a nice thread so welcome. I noted that it was age 10-12 that you started an interest in diapers. That's puberty and makes your interest, classic fetishism although clearly toned down some. Just enjoy it. You dont have the Adult Baby aspect of it and that is fine although later on you might enjoy a bit of roleplay as well.

Congrats and welcome!

Yes, that does make sense, now that you mention it, about the age this started. I mean... the idea of roleplay does intrigue me... but at this moment I'm quite new to this (as in, new to being opened about it) and still ambivalent. So, only time will tell.

And thank you.

[Eir]

Ophelia. You can get some inexpensive towels for the purpose of making prefolds, they are cheap at walmart, like $4 per pop. Get six or so, cut the rectangle into a main square, the excess is called a soaker panel. I use them as a "crotch saver" to keep the central fold of the diaper to pull that which it shall not pull! I put the soaker over this fold, protecting me, and fold that into the rear and aft openings. Plastic pants are inexpensive online, as well as diaper pins, and baby powder. Baby pants is good brand for the diaper pins, leakmaster has great plastic pants, baby pants has nursery prints. You can be diapered in no time! If you like terry diapers, you can get prefolds online. But as a fetish prop, the towels will work.

I really enjoyed chatting with you!

I am going to help you out here: http://www.amazon.co...33613559&sr=8-7 Diaper Pins

http://www.amazon.co...33613608&sr=1-2 Plastic Pants

http://www.amazon.co...3613608&sr=1-10 Cute Plastic Pants (pricey)

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Pants-Honey-Pullon-Plastic/dp/B003WNY3UK/ref=sr_1_12?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1333614449&sr=1-12 Honey Bear Plastic Pants (AWWWW!)

You can buy babypowder in stores, Amazon sells it as well. I thought I would help you out!

[Ophelia]

Ophelia. You can get some inexpensive towels for the purpose of making prefolds, they are cheap at walmart, like $4 per pop. Get six or so, cut the rectangle into a main square, the excess is called a soaker panel. Plastic pants are inexpensive online, as well as diaper pins, and baby powder. Baby pants is good brand for the diaper pins, leakmaster has great plastic pants, baby pants has nursery prints. You can be diapered in no time! If you like terry diapers, you can get prefolds online. But as a fetish prop, the towels will work.

I really enjoyed chatting with you!

I am going to help you out here: http://www.amazon.co...33613559&sr=8-7 Diaper Pins

http://www.amazon.co...33613608&sr=1-2 Plastic Pants

http://www.amazon.co...3613608&sr=1-10 Cute Plastic Pants

You can buy babypowder in stores, Amazon sells it as well. I thought I would help you out!

Very intriguing! Not gonna lie, I do really like that idea, the idea of constructing those, and wearing them, of course. And thank you for looking all that up for me.

I enjoyed our chat, as well! You're quite an interesting one.

[Eir]

I have a strong babysitter side that comes out from time to time in RP. There is a good chance she will diaper, pigtail, and stroller you!

[Ophelia]

I have a strong babysitter side that comes out from time to time in RP. There is a good chance she will diaper, pigtail, and stroller you!

Heh, very nice. I can't pretend that I don't like the idea. (Triple negative?) ;D

[Eir]

Tripple negative, let's try plain cute!

[BabyJune]

So, Dr. Freud says to the schizophrenic, "Tell me about your childhood." The schizophrenic replies, "Which one?"

[dudewheresmyname321]

Thank you for sharing your background and experiences. You'd find that your background to your fetish is a pretty typical background for a diaper fetishist. I personally believe that true diaper fetishists have it hard wired into them from a very young age. I remember very early on that I never wanted to potty train, and around puberty is when I first started finding diapers sexually stimulating. I also made makeshift diapers out of towels, plastic bags and underpants. So embarrassing to admit...other boys were out doing sports or playing video games...I was home soaking a large towel stuck between my legs.

At 22, they're become a pretty large part of my life, and have lost most of their sexual stimulation and replace by complacency. It just feels normal to walk around the house in a bulky adult diaper, go food shopping and use them whenever I feel the slightest urge.

I am so happy to see you exploring your fetish. I encourage you to keep on it. It might feel embarrassing at first, and feel weird, but you'l realize it's totally ok no mater what anyone says. It's so simple, wear a diaper, feel happy. Who is anyone to judge you and make you feel embarrassed about something like that? Just go with it and enjoy it!

[Eir]

My diaper desires showed up at an early age, round eight years old, but I repressed them. Playing "diaper babies" with my cousins in the swing set, facing forwards, with the swings going fore up to your stomaches and aft up our butts. My mom came out said, so you're diaper babies, huh! I denied so strongly I denied to self! I did have a series of diarrhea accidents, which I enjoyed, and later underwear messing. I found it pleasing, but that is a guy thing, so no graphic detail. I would have become AB eventually, my efforts to beat a case of shy bladder brought it out, I practiced in diapers teaching my body how to relax, realized that the makeshift diapers I was using gave me an almost sexual feeling! (This August, in my first appartment) I eventually worked up the courage to buy real cloth diapers, effects, and try disposables (I like cloth better) I found out that I liked wearing warm soggy diaper. Eventually I became a night baby, got glow in the dark stars and shrooms. And I slept on air mattress proteccted by spare shower curtain, this was my crib!

[Ophelia]

Thank you all for the encouragement, stories, and insights into this. Much appreciated.

Thank you for sharing your background and experiences. You'd find that your background to your fetish is a pretty typical background for a diaper fetishist. I personally believe that true diaper fetishists have it hard wired into them from a very young age. I remember very early on that I never wanted to potty train, and around puberty is when I first started finding diapers sexually stimulating. I also made makeshift diapers out of towels, plastic bags and underpants. So embarrassing to admit...other boys were out doing sports or playing video games...I was home soaking a large towel stuck between my legs.

At 22, they're become a pretty large part of my life, and have lost most of their sexual stimulation and replace by complacency. It just feels normal to walk around the house in a bulky adult diaper, go food shopping and use them whenever I feel the slightest urge.

I am so happy to see you exploring your fetish. I encourage you to keep on it. It might feel embarrassing at first, and feel weird, but you'l realize it's totally ok no mater what anyone says. It's so simple, wear a diaper, feel happy. Who is anyone to judge you and make you feel embarrassed about something like that? Just go with it and enjoy it!

Thank you very much; it does seem our stories are quite similar, and indeed typical of those who have this fetish; it seems often a background with childhood to preteen bed wetting (or nocturnal enuresis... because I "happen to" know that term) and/or some extent of daytime incontinence is a precursor to deriving sexual pleasure from adult diapers. I find this to be true, anyway.

Yes, I had begun to gather that fact also, that mine is a common story in this world, just from reading these forums. The first time I really heard anything about AB/DL was some sort of special on Dr. Phil someone was telling me about that featured an "adult baby." The lady at work who was telling me about this naturally found it very odd, with derision, and I agreed aloud--while silently understanding and empathizing with his perspective.

Before I came here, I read a lot of medical sites about incontinence, and visited sites about specific incontinence products. I actually find just reading text about that “problem

[Eir]

Ophelia, we must be twin sisters! I was a bedwetter from early childhood till right before Junior high. I had the experience of wearing pullups every night, always waking up soggy, and three times a week to soaked sheets. I was never properly diapered at night despite the tendency of pullups to leak! My family is also very conservative and would NEVER understand a diaper fetish. I have resonstructed the deviancy of wearing soggy diapers as a means to an end, and later as a harmless, pleasurable activity. I discovered my AB side in August. I started practicing visualization to teach my body to relax via linking. I discovered that I enjoyed being in big, soggy diapers. I think my desires to regress to a baby/toddler was caused by the father issues that came out when I was working on a shy bladder solution, and a desire to a regress to a point before my father wound occured, years before when I was two or three years old. As it turns out, paruresis is formed by a initial traumatic restroom related event, followed by a pattern of avoidance. Since urination is partially controlled by the smoothe muscles of the internal urethral sphincters, it is under the control of the subconscious mind. For the paruretic, the brain perceives the public restroom, or an aspect of the public restroom as a threat. For me, the use of urinals where there is a lack of visual privacy, urination becomes impossible as the subconscious mind clamps down on the internal urethral sphincter making urination impossible I can urinate standing in stalls however. Before I learned how to link I was reduced to peeing sitting down, carefully releasing agaisnt the toilet, being paranoid that someone would smell or hear me urinating. Sometimes, I worried they would sense the heat. There were even occasions, where I had to wait for the restroom to clear out. While meditating on the cause of this, my mind revealed a repressed memory. Two mysterious and disconnected images, a fast food restuarant in a dark night and an aladdin series toy that had haunted my consciousness were revealed. For the first time since I was 8, I saw that horrible movie. I was not assaulted either sexually or physically, but verbally and emotionally I was thrown under the bus as it were, by my father to save face. You may PM for the details. I would reccommend you not come out to your family, at least until you are under your own power, financially. I know that my folks would freak, and are likely to consider it a form of pre-pedophilia. In a casual conversation, they would likely remark on how sad it is that I decided to chose a sexual fetish (perversion) over them! In reality, this is a false dichotomy. I do not have to chose between my lovedones and diapers. I wear at my place, and not infront of them. The traditional do not always consider all options, and even worse can regard change as being (shoved down their throat.) As far as religion goes, well. I know that God is cool with my diaper wearing, and the fact that I am bi-gendered. There is a very good chance that my family would disagree. Let me know when you have an overpowering desire to be diapered and blow off some steam. My female persona, Andromeda loves to babysit in RP!

[Ophelia]

terryfighter, that was very informative and interesting, thank you! It does seem we have had similar experiences, and a similar background.

[Honu]

Ophelia,

You wrote a very good, from the heart, intro and it is getting you a lot of warm welcomes from kindred spirits. By now you are well aware that you are not alone. My story is very similar to yours, but in an entirely different decade which leads to the conclusion that this has actually been around for a long time in one way or another. So, you are not alone in time, geographic location or gender. As for some of your, ah, more personal disclosures, that's cool too. This is an adult site and you are allowed to be an adult here.

I hope to see more posts from you as I think you write well.

Aloha,

Honu

[Ophelia]

Ophelia,

You wrote a very good, from the heart, intro and it is getting you a lot of warm welcomes from kindred spirits. By now you are well aware that you are not alone. My story is very similar to yours, but in an entirely different decade which leads to the conclusion that this has actually been around for a long time in one way or another. So, you are not alone in time, geographic location or gender. As for some of your, ah, more personal disclosures, that's cool too. This is an adult site and you are allowed to be an adult here.

I hope to see more posts from you as I think you write well.

Aloha,

Honu

Thank you very much, Honu! Writing is something I love.

Indeed, indeed, it is good to know I'm not alone. Good, and strange, at the same time--this still seems to be a minority group (unless I'm mistaken).

Heh, yes... It is an ironic expression of adult desires, to be sure, Diaper-Loving.

On a more specific and anecdotal note, also half in reply to another thread, "Shower Wetting," I took another mini-step today in the exploration of this fetish. Apparently, most people pee in the shower, but up until tonight, I honestly didn't (in fact, I barely can, it seems). I think I'm still quite conditioned to only pee on the potty, at least on purpose (again, I sometimes very lightly dribble a bit involuntarily, extra-potty-ly...).

(...I think that, my mild and intermittent incontinence is probably why it's challenging for me too pee anywhere else but the potty. I'm hyper-aware of, and self-disciplined about, where/when I pee, not to an insane degree, but definitely disciplined and careful; usually, I'm very successful, tiny dribbles aside, with the worst case being a tiny accident (since my pre-teen years, I've never really had a "serious" accident). In the following case, the fetishist case, the back-firing effect of this regiment shows. o.O ...)

Tonight I decided to not pee before showering and let go in the shower itself. It actually took conscious effort; I literally had to visualize, practically astral project myself, being on the potty to get myself to pee in the shower, even with all the running water, and such. Before getting in, I did have to go, but as soon as I tried to go in a "foreign" environment, I got nothin'. But eventually it worked and quite successfully. While quite enjoyable and strangely liberating, it was also sort of freaky. I had not intentionally peed anywhere else except the potty for many years, probably at least 10 years, until then.

I hope none of this is TMI, but I also took an old, dry wash cloth, and held it on like a pad, and peed in it (still in the shower, obviously...), as if it were a diaper, which took even greater conscious effort, a little extra squeezing, and no small amount of "astral projection"). However, that also eventually worked, and was very enjoyable; I peed right through two layers of cloth; it soaked right through. It was a moment of inappropriate pride. Based on that small experience, I can imagine that sensation of wetting an actual (completely dry) diaper, outside the "security" of the shower, and the damp aftermath, would be magnificent. The appeal is undeniable.

Yes, it was freaky, though. Afterward, I was almost afraid I had "unconditioned" my bladder training a bit somehow. I know that is completely impossible, but I think my brain did not much care for the change of peeing location. I rarely stray from my conservative conditioning, or my daily habits, even in small ways. Yes, I can be "a square," but with moments of secret and "wild" rebellion. o.O

Needless to say, next time I shower, I'm going to use the “washcloth

[Eir]

^Ophiekins, you have no idea what TMI is. You somehow dampened a washcloth in the shower. Hmm. It will take a great deal of effort, but I will succeed in breaking down your defences (if you let me). I know of a technique called linking that will make it easier for you to wet wherever you may socially do so. I could work through it with you. You start by using a mental cue whenever you urinate and can do so easily (home toilet). You use the mental cue every time you do urinate. The act of urination is now linked to this mental cue. Eventually the cue will cause the urge, the need to urinate, and inability to hold back in a few locations. I can't promise every situation, but many new doors will be opened to you. Send a message if you want help setting up your link, or a link buddy who you can talk to. I will have fun corrupting an aspect of two of your Victorian modesty, (which are are actually hangups)

[jay-uk-dl]

Ophelia

irt sounds like you have lots of fun ahead of you.

relax, enjoy, go with the flow......lol

[LilFozzyJ5]

Most of it has already said, so ill keep it simple.

Welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay and find peace and some answers to some burning questions.

hugs

fozzy

[Mondenkind]

Moonchild: Welcome, big sister! Nice to meet you ^__^....oh! It looks like big sister Katie wants to talk to you.

Thank you for posting this, dear. It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who has went through these struggles. Reading what you wrote here, it really hit home. I too grew a fascination with it after childhood incontinence that lasted into my teen years. Perhaps it is a part of what made me what I am...oh well. Anyway, welcome. I am also new and I hope you stick around so we can talk more.

[Ophelia]

Thank you all very much. I do feel quite welcomed and at home here, and think I will stick around, and continue exploring this.

Mondenkind, I find that comforting as well, to find others like you who share very similar experiences. It makes me feel less alone in this.

It seems there are both struggles and exiciting thing ahead indeed....