My Husband Is A Diaper Lover. Need Advice...

[mstyprz]

erased post.

[daddy-jonny]

hello misty, first welcome to DD and second im sorry to hear what's going on with you and your husband. to me it sounds like he has a bit of an addiction to the diaper sex site's and wearing them for pleasure in my opinion.. to me what would help is marriage counseling. he also needs help for his lying to you and keeping stuff from you. did he ever talk to you about why or how he got into diapers?

[NewGuy20]

Sorry to hear about the troubles you've had. Like your husband, I am a DL and I have been in a long term relationship with a women who has done her best to participate although, like yourself, it was not arousing to her at all. Its strange but, after reading your post, I feel more inclined to side with YOU rather than your husband.

First of all, I think marital counseling here is a MUST. But, before going, you should make it clear to your partner that you're not trying to "cure" or get rid of his fetish - but you are just trying to create a healthier relationship where you can both have your needs and desires fulfilled. (I'm assuming that you are somewhat open to the idea of diapers in the bedroom or indulging your husband from time to time? Maybe?)

The lying should be the #1 'red flag' in all of this. He didn't just lie to you once but it seems that he did so repeatedly. I recommend counseling to rebuild that trust, and to feel secure with your partner. But you also need to tell HIM how hurt and upset you feel that he has lied to you again and again - and it will take time to rebuild trust.

You should take some time to think about how you feel about THE FETISH itself. Forget about the lying, porn, and any other relationship problems. If everything else in your marriage was just fine, could you live with the fact that your husband enjoys wearing diapers occasionally? Is the fetish alone really disturbing to you? Could you learn to live with it?

Ultimately, in this relationship, I think you need to stand up for yourself occasionally. It seems that you've been very tolerant and very accommodating to your husband. (Maybe you've even been too tolerant?) There are a HUGE number of women out there who would NEVER even CONSIDER indulging in such a strange fetish. Many women would be repulsed or even angry at the fact that their husbands had such a fetish. There are other more tolerant women out there who would ALLOW their husbands to indulge in diapers - but INSIST that they do so privately because, for the women, the fetish is just too strange and disturbing. This is a compromise that works for some marriages and one you might want to consider if you are seriously bothered by the fetish itself.

But, in the world of DLs, you have gone to great lengths to set yourself apart from MOST women who wouldn't ever consider stepping so far out of their comfort zone to indulge in such a fetish. Just being willing to TRY such a strange fetish makes you a brave and loving wife who has proven that she is willing to go above and beyond in pleasing her husband. Your husband needs to understand just how lucky he is in this regard. It doesn't seem like he appreciates how far you have stepped out of your comfort zone. You need to TELL HIM just how difficult all of this is for you to deal with - you are working very, very hard to please him and he doesn't seem to be showing a lot of gratitude.

You gotta say, "I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and working really, really, really hard to please you. I know I won't always match your fantasy exactly but I'm willing to do my best. I want you to try and be patient with me while I learn about what you like and experiment to get it right. I also ask that you try to be patient with me. This is all very new and sometimes a little scary for me. Diapers can be a real part of our sex life but we need to move slow. And if I'm doing all of this to please you, I expect you to work just as hard to please me - inside and outside of the bedroom."

Some things to remember when working to indulge your husband...

1- If you really start to feel uncomfortable, take a break from diapers in the bedroom. Explain to your husband that you need to move at your own pace and this is all still very new to you. Some women try to go "all out" in indulging their husbands only to realize later that the fetish really makes them uncomfortable. Think of it as a swimming pool. You need to test the temperature of the water by dipping your feet in it. Eventually, when you get used to the water, you can go in a little further.

2- You have needs too! Explain to your husband that you have needs that have to be met also and that it cannot ALL be about his needs every time you go into the bedroom. If you are willing to step outside of your comfort zone to please HIM, then he needs to be willing to do the same to please YOU. The world doesn't revolve around him. It should be 50/50 in every relationship.

3- You need to determine (maybe through therapy) if you husband is capable of being aroused WITHOUT diapers in the picture. Some guys are simply incapable of being aroused without the object of their fetish in the picture. In those cases, its not a choice - its just the way they are. But it sounds as though your husband has shown that he is capable of having 'normal' sex sometimes (in the missionary position?) Maybe there is a middle ground where you indulge his diaper related desires but also get to have regular sex with him in the same night? You certainly can't base your ENTIRE sex life on dressing up in diapers and going to great lengths to please him every single night without considering your own desires. He needs to be as concerned with YOUR needs every bit as much as YOU are concerned with his.

Finally, I would say that it seems strange that you have a 'secret' marriage. Many women would be bothered by that idea. I would find out how long the relationship is to be a 'secret' - and when you 2 can begin living your lives as a normal married couple. You deserve that. If its going to remain a secret for a while, you should set some kind of date for going 'public' with your marriage - marriage is not meant to be a private, secret lifestyle to be lived out only behind closed doors. The idea of a 'secret' marriage strikes me as strange.

Your husband is really lucky to have you. Many DLs have wives who aren't willing to participate in their husbands' fetish at all and simply demand that they "give it up" (Many studies show that its virtually impossible to simply 'give up' a sexual desire or fetish - its more or less hardwired into our brains)

But, once again, your husband is a VERY lucky man so don't be afraid to stand up for yourself once and a while. Tell him that the lying really bothers you and he needs to always be honest with you to the best of his ability. You've done a lot to satisfy him. But you need to move at your own pace.

Good luck.

[BBB]

Misty,

I feel bad for you. Down right horrible on the inside.

You need to realize how valuable you are as a person. I wish you strength, and perseverance. No one deserves what your "husband" is doing to you.

[Fulldiaper]

Misty, first thing, welcome to Daily Diapers. Secondly, my condolences to you. Many AB/DL younger players are quite hungry and will devour a caregiver by having them give and give, until they are drained and have no desire to give or even play anymore. They fail to remember that their caregiver is a wo/man that has physical, emotional and sexual needs along with others. The issue is this, once you fulfill the fantasy, the desire is recreate the intensity of that first time. Serial murders continue to murder to try and get that feeling again...drug takers keep hooked to get that same euphoric feeling they got the buzz from...

It's too bad that he was so self-centered as to destroy your self-image that evening hon....love is so powerful that it blinds wo/men sometimes until it's too late and a relationship is destroyed from someone selfishly taking and never giving anything to relenish the relationship. If you do decide to continue, there are things you can insure that your needs are also ment. If you have questions or are interested, please don't hesitate to ask.

[Eir]

Misty, from the sound of things, you are beyond accomodating. You wet a diaper for him, which is more than many women would do. It also sounds like his diaper fetish is not the problem, but rather his lying, and his slinking. Don't worry too much that you were not able to flood the diaper and had to wet it sitting on the toilet. This is a very hard mental block to overcome. Don't worry about trying to please him, you have already done more than most women ever will. I also understand that you are competing against professional diaper girls. This is incredibly unjust. He compares you to these professional soft-porn stars and expects you to perform as flawlessly as they do, drenching their diapers on command when you are not into diapers for your own pleasure. It may be the case that his diaper porn has raised his expectations so high that you may "No longer please him." It is extremely unfair for him to expect you to act like a professional diaper girl! Secret porn increses one partners expectations significantly without teaching the other how to "keep up."

Here is an analogy: you and your best friend are going to compete in an amateur golf competition in 5 years.

Your best friend, however has been secretly practicing with a professional golfer and will be a pro in 5 years.

The tournament finally comes, and your friend blows you out of the water.

Your score for the course is 130 (Extremely bad) Your friends score is -20 (Damn good.)

Because your friend has been secretly practicing behind your back, she has no right to say you are a bad golfer.

Likewise, because your husband has been secretly elevating his sexual expectations behind your back, he has

no right to call you a bad woman for failing to be as pleasing as professional diaper girls. He did not instruct you

how to act, or teach you how to keep up (Assuming for the sake of argument that he even has this right).

If your friend told you she did not tell you that she was practicing with a pro golfer because she was ashamed,

would that make it right? Of course not.

Your husband lied about his diaper fetish. He has raised his expectations out of reach by diaper porn, also behind your back.

How can it possibly be your fault that you cannot reach these expectations.

[PaddedPat]

Hi, mstyprz. I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties.

Believe us: You're certainly not the first external person to be thrust into this lifestyle. This is a very unusual obsession that is overwhelming to absorb, difficult to rationalize, extremely diverse in scope, and deeply-rooted in the psyche. It sounds like you've made more than enough compromises demonstrating your committment to your partner despite his apparently rigidly-constructed fantasies and consistent pattern of lies.

It's time for him to return the favor in some capacity and come completely clean. Otherwise I fear this pattern could end up infiltrating other aspects of your relationship outside the bedroom. Marriage couseling might sound like an obvious route, but I would suggest you have a very firm and honest discussion with him about your feelings before you make this leap.

As newlyweds, your situation is far from unsalvagable, but there MUST be full disclosure before it progresses any further in a direction with which you're not either mutually accommodating or - at minimum - mutually tolerant. And that goes for him too.

FYI: We have a sub-forum designed precisely for folks in your position: The Friends & Family forum. You might get some additional recommendations there. I'll admit that we're a little biased here, but we're also good people willing to acknowledge our eccentricities and provide rational advice to those that don't share our level of enthusiam with this lifestyle. It's located here:

http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?showforum=28

I wish you the best of luck. There's no easy solution to your situation, but many members here have encountered similar issues first-hand (not me, regrettably). I doubt you'll find a more informed support group anywhere on the Internet -- not to mention anywhere in the outside world. And that includes even the most open-minded, liberal marriage counselors out there.

P.S. I'd suggest a moderator relocate this thread accordingly. Otherwise it'll quickly get lost in the Newbie forum.

[mstyprz]

My husband and I have separated. He took his diaper fetish to a perverted level and was inappropriate.

I now participate in the diaper fetish alone.

[sweetandsensitiveguy]

ok maybe i missed it with me being blind in one eye and bad vision in other but your topic said need advice

what advice do you need i dont think i saw what advice you were needing

[WBDaddy]

My husband and I have separated. He took his diaper fetish to a perverted level and was inappropriate.

I now participate in the diaper fetish alone.

On one hand, I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

On the other, it sounds like you've discovered an appreciation for this strange little kink, so perhaps the destination may have been worth the voyage.