Trouble Being A Mommy

[Hadessah]

My husband is an ab and he's only recently accepted it. I love taking care of him but lately I find myself getting angry all the time. Sometimes a baby just needs to whine, but I take it personally as a sign that I'm a bad mommy. We're still learning what being a baby means to our relationship and talking about it totally ruins the mood.

I also struggle with very low self esteem and it seems like no matter how much he thanks me or tells me how well I'm doing I'm still convinced I'm no good. When he needs punished I'm pretty good at it but afterwards I worry that I'm abusive since sometimes I'm angry and spank really hard. He is also incontinent and sometime poops himself. I don't mind changing him but he feels so guilty I have to punish him to relieve the guilt. I think punishments should be for bad behavior not incontinence.

Anyway if anyone has the same concerns or advice or just wants to talk it would be greatly appreciated.

[diaperwerx]

If he enjoys being punished so he feels better then by all means you should spank him till he can't sit down! Just kidding. Seriously though I suggest discussing both your feelings with each other during a non-play time. He may not really feel that he was being bad due to the incontinence but wants to be treated like he was bad due to his AB side. Either way if it makes you feel uncomfortable you should discuss it...because if you do enjoy being a mommy I don't think you should have to feel guilty about it.

That said, I'm a DL and not an AB or Daddy so I may be way out in left-field in my comments, but I'm sure there are lots of others here who may be able to provide better advice/insight.

[HisMommy]

I am also a new mommy....self esteem issues also. When I am with my baby, I feel and see in his reactions that I am at least doing "okay"...when we are apart, I second guess every move I made. We've been dating six months, Ive known about this fetish about three months.

We haven't even got to a real spanking, I threaten, he teases....and the beat goes on. In our everyday relationship, he makes me insane..I could most likely really spank his butt and enjoy it. I just don't know how to "get there".

He is a very strong willed and hard headed man and though his fantasies are to be dominated by mommy...humiliated by Mommy..he can't or won't relinquish enough "control" to achieve anything

I could sure use another mommy to talk too.

[sarah_ab]

Clearly you need a safe word.. A word that would not normally be said during a punishment that he or you can say at any time that will instantly stop the punishment... for example banana, or red bandana, or bicycle... and once said, everything stops, and you guys can check in with each other and go from there..

secondly what do you mean whining all the time? so he goes from never ever being an ab, to 24/7 including whining to you? It seems like you guys need to figure out a balance of responsbilities... just because he likes to be a baby doesn't mean you are suddenly at his beck and call and expected to do everything around the house.. he is still an adult, and this is still an adult relationship.

[NewMommy2]

I agree with Sarah_ab, this is an adult relationship. I am a new mommy to an ab/dl, but he is an adult when he needs to be. We have the perfect balance of both. If your baby cannot respect your feeelings and accept that he needs to satisfy your needs, mentally/emotionally/sexually, then he is selfish and does not deserve you. You should NEVER second guess or feel guilty later, this is all new to you and you are still learning. Even though I have only recently been introduced to this lifestyle, May 2011, I know that we have equal give and take on both sides.

[Fulldiaper]

Safe word agreed. Secondly, try a friendly spanking over the diaper and see what type of response it illicits from your bABy. You may find it empowers you and you want to feel it more often, or you may find it's a total turn-off for you and you'll have to discuss that with your bABy also. Also, don't let your bABy drain you, make sure your needs are also being met emotionally, and physically.

Also, talk about varioius scenario's and discuss play options, until you're both comfortable with each others rolls and positions. If at any time you feel like it's too much, use your safe word and allow your bABy the same respectful use of his/hers

[BabyFergstar]

Me and my fiance don't really have a safe word, but I do have baby voice and grown up voice...she also was wondering how she was doing early on, but she's gotten much better the more she does it.

If an AB is whining, don't take it as a sign you are doing a bad job...I know that's not what I'm trying to convey when I whine. Then again, role play also comes into our play. I love playing that I don't want to be a baby, but she's forcibly turning me into her baby.

Anyhow, use a safe word it if makes you feel better, but this fetish/lifestyle has never struck me as being "violent" or painful enough to require a safe word. Communication is key. If talking about it DURING play takes you both out of the mood, just do your Mommy thing while he is doing his baby thing and talk about it AFTER. Problem solved...well, as long as the relationship isn't Mommy-baby 24/7.

[sarah_ab]

lol well a spankong that leaves lasting red marks and makes it painful to sit is rough for some people and a safe word may be necessary for punishments

[j_addict]

I too have low self esteem and no matter how much he says I'm doing it right or it's good, it doesn't always feel like I am to me. I did feel bad about punishing, but we just go as far as talking and threats, no actual punishments. That helps a lot because I can talk about it freely without actually doing it. He's still shy about wearing with me, and we have been working through it.

I understand that you don't want to punish for an accident, so maybe turn it around and show you still love him despite his accident. I've realized that sometimes when my boy acts out he's really looking for love and attention. So sometimes when he wants to be punished I instead love him and hold him, and give him kind words so he knows he's loved. Then I might mention some punishment because he keeps asking about it, but I think the love is important, at least for us.

I hope I've helped at least a little, we can talk more if you'd like. I think our experiences are similar.

[Fulldiaper]

Dealing with low self esteem is something we all have to work with. My ex told me no other woman would ever want a man in diapers. She was of course wrong, but it's the emotional scar that's there to remind me everytime I start talking with a female that as soon as the fetish surfaces, she's flee like an ex-con on parole after seeing a black and white looking their way, even when they've done nothing wrong.

You can't expect someone else to love you, until you can love and accept yourself. This takes time and patience. Everyday you have to say, I'm happy, I'm healthy and I'm loved and believe it. I have the attitude that today is good, but tomorrow is going to be even better, because everyday life gets better and better. Like any type of addiction, a 12 step program has to tried or you have learn how to see the glass half full, instead of half empty, both are the correct assessment, but one is considered positive and the other negative. Thomas Edison didn't say, "I've failed over 10,000 times at making the incondescent light bulb." No, he said, "I have successfully concluded there are 10,000 ways that a light bulb can not successfully be made to function." and eventually he did discover how to make it work.

Henry Ford wanted an engine that would be what in todays world known as the V-8 and he approached his engineers and told them what he wanted. They all said, "it can't be done." But Ford didn't give up, he hired new engineers and eventually when Ford said, "I want a new engine." Someone replied, "we'll do it." Our lives are influenced by our self esteem and attitudes. Many a successful person will attest that it's your attitude, not your apptitude that determines your altittude in life.

William James of Harvard said, "in order to do something, you must first be something."

Being a caregiver is a great burder. Even real mothers have the first child and it's a Beta...you don't when it cries if it's sick, hungry, needs changing, wants to be held..and after the first one, you have kind of a blueprint and the next one or more are easier to some extent and you learn.

Sometimes you may find you enjoy the spanking, the power it gives and your bABy might not like it so much. Or, you might like to humiliate your bABy in public by making comments like, "is your diaper leaking again?" The power exchange you feel, enjoy it, nurture it and let it grow in you