Sorry I'Ve Been A Bit... Absent Lately.

[lovelylittle]

i'm effectively single. for now.

it had nothing to do with anything AB/DL related. the boy got a promotion (he is now the youngest executive chef in our city, very proud of him) and we were talking about where his career was going to take him and what would happen if we were to move out of state... and what it would mean for my daughter. all of a sudden he freaked out a bit. he said he wasn't ready for this relationship, that he never expected to meet the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and it was bad timing, that he had things in his life he needed to sort out before he could commit and we could move forward...

so we're taking space. i'm giving him the time to do what he needs to do. honestly, i think he just got scared. he can't have kids of his own so he never imagined himself in the 'father' role and i think talking about our future made him realize what being a stepfather means and it terrifies him. this is probably a good thing, i think he needs time to grow up and give up his young guy lifestyle. he loves me. he couldn't say anything he had to say to me without breaking down crying, and his roommate who happens to be one of my best friends says he's been crying for days. he told me he couldn't ask me to sit around and wait for him because it wasn't fair, but if i did, then when he is ready he'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to me.

so, i'm waiting, whether he asks me to or not. i can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. but it's hard. it was unexpected and i'm not going to have an easy time getting through the holidays alone. i usually turn to ageplay when i'm stressed, and for some reason right now it doesn't hold a lot of appeal for me. i'm not sure why, i typically like being 'little' to escape my big girl problems and these are definitely big girl problems. maybe i just want to tackle this like an adult and get through it with the knowledge that it will more than likely make my relationship stronger in the end. i hope so, at least.

anyway. just an update as to what's going on with me. i have some new ideas for my story and i might spend some quality time working on it, and i'm going to poke around on here and try not to ignore you all. but if i'm a little less active than usual, now you know why.

[Dprboy9]

Sorry to hear about you and your bf. Hope you still have merry Christmas. : )

[universitybaby23]

Sorry to hear about your breakup. Breking up is never fun, but your ability to open up will lead you in the right direction to find someone even better for yourself. Goodluck with everything and happy holidays! P.S. I can relate, being little does not always feel as enjoyable when faced with matters of the opposite sexy and relationships.

[Loveable_guy]

You got to love the holidays. Hang in there Doll. It WILL get better.

[Repaid1]

So very sad to hear of the hardships. But from what you have told us, something tells me it is going to work out. I can attest as a stepfather and real father that these things can't be taken lightly. I also, from a mans perspective, can feel the pain of what he is faced with. He obviously is very torn at this point. He seems to not find the correlation between Love and life with career. Congrats to him on the promotion, but he has some real thinking to do. Thanks to you for sticking by him through this difficult time. I can feel the love between you two, and I hope if he is as smart as you make him out to be that he comes to the conclusion.

The conclusion that Life with you and the baby, whom I assume thinks he is dad, is worth more with love and happiness than the fear it comes with. We all take big chances in life at one point or another, it's his turn to see that he isn't the only one in your relationship that took one as well. May God find his heart and fill the worries and doubt, let him feel the love you both have and join you back soon, have a very Merry and Happy Holiday, you'll never be alone you have the best present ever, your wonderful daughter. Please try to stay upbeat during the Holidays for her at least. Bless you and your family. God speed to his heart, I pray for you!

p.s. If your not doing anything seeing as we are both single now... wanna go out for a drink.... NAWW! Just teasing, had to get a smile on your face.

[lovelylittle]

Repaid1, that definitely got me a smile. thanks for the sweet responses, you guys.

my little girl's biological daddy is actually a really big part of her life luckily (he's a shitty person, but he's a good father) she just knows Nick as Nick, which is a good thing in this situation. she's asked for him a few times and it's breaking my heart a little.

anyway, things are alright. we're still talking, i had to ask him some questions yesterday about the oil in my car and i was apprehensive about it because we hadn't spoken in a couple days, but he responded the same way he would if nothing had changed and we ended with 'i love you's. other than the general suckiness of being/sleeping alone, i'm still looking forward to watching my little one light up on Christmas morning and i'm going to party on New Years', and after talking to some close friends and my wise and loving daddy (real life daddy, that wasn't an ABDL reference there lol) i'm a lot more convinced this is the best thing for us and it will all be okay in the end.

[Andy]

I don't have much to say and no definate way to offer but from what I could read of you yet, you seem to be a pretty smart woman. Let me kick off with a quote of Winston Churchill who said : "Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country"

Now this quote can be narrowed down further to something similar to "Don't ask what the others can do for you but ask what you can do"

Your way lead you to a 4-crossways. You can move straight forward, but I feel that you didn't give the way right and left too much thought so far. From own experience, I know that the ways right and left exist but I appear to still move straight on, even if I would run into cruel defeat.

What I want to say is that you maybe should look deeper into it to be able to ask the right questions in order to see the ways right and left, instead of heading on blind. At the moment , and excuse me here please, you seem to me a little naive in regards of your boyfriends wannabe indepency.

I cannot give you a recipe but I hope that I could give you a kick to review your current situation and perhaps, opening your eyes for these existing ways right and left.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Best Regards,

Andy

[Repaid1]

Andy, while I respect and do understand your point.... I think this young lady is doing just fine in the direction she is headed I would be very proud to know her....as I am sure her Daddy is (sounds like a smart man)/

[lovelylittle]

so he came over last night to help me with the oil in my car, and showed up with the diamond necklace he got me for our anniversary that i had given back to him, and put it back on my neck himself. he said he'd learned a lot about himself in the last couple days and that he thought he needed space and what he really needed was me. i had a feeling he'd come around.

and Andy, i respect your opinion. i think i had a lot more than four options of how i could have moved forward from this situation, and perhaps a few of them would have been good life decisions that would have been easier to execute without a boyfriend... and i'm sure a few of them could have eventually led to a relationship with less complications. but i'm in love, and while it may be the naivety of a 22 year old girl, people have done sillier things for love than forgive a little uncertainty. i'm sure you, as well as my family and friends, had concerns that his need for space was moreso a need to sleep around before making a commitment- so i feel the need to mention he has some physical problems (he had an injury in high school and had both testicles removed, and wasn't able to get implants due to infection) that make casual sex pretty much impossible for him without the need for awkward explanation.

anyway, i feel pretty certain that this was just a blip- a moment of doubt that we could get over some of the hurdles of life and parenting and career, and fear of what it means to commit. it's going to take a little bit of work to move forward, we're not just jumping back in as though nothing has changed, there will be a significant amount of communication and reality-checking involved.

but overall... i'm in love, and happy, and taking this as a sign that he feels the same and is willing to work out whatever big issues could come up for us in the future. thanks for the support from all of you, i suppose it wasn't really necessary, although it did feel like an eternity of a week. but i'm smiling now and ready to get on with life!

[Repaid1]

Win... Win.... Winner!

[Andy]

congrats !