I Miss My Foxy

[Codymoogle]

Man, tonight sucks. There's so much going on.

I've not been too successful at sleeping tonight, and my mind keeps blowing itself. I'm so insanely frustrated and upset over everything. There's so much lately that I feel is hugely my fault. I've been panicking on and off tonight, over everything, and my anxiety is through the roof. Sleep should be the answer, but laying down offers no release. It's four fricking thirty AM right now, and sleep isn't in sight. My worries aren't of severe things, so why do I feel so bad? All I can say is that I want my Daddy. Not even snuggling my plushies is helping, because I almost threw one of them against the wall. That makes me feel even more rotten, because they don't deserve to be hurt by my anger, no one does - human, animal, or plushie. I've been distracting myself, or trying to. I can't seem to shake any of this though. I'd really give anything to have my crib and be with Daddy right now. I can't even describe how I'm feeling, because my actions at this point can't be classified as a regular tantrum since I'm not going through the tantrum type that is my "average". I still think it IS a tantrum though, just a different type. An internal one that's blowing up my insides maybe.

On top of this, as the title states, I miss my freaking Foxy. (For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, read through this thread.) I've been dealing well since, but tonight I just really miss him. I tend to think about him more when I'm like this too which doesn't help.

I feel like I've ruined everything that exists in my world on some level, even though I know the feeling is just my brain being stupid. Stupid or not though, it hurts, and I don't know what I can do for myself. I'm gonna go try and sleep again, but I doubt I'll succeed.

Thanks for reading.

~ moogle

[nitrous]

I hope you sleep well tonight Moogs. I hope your Anxiety goes away in the morning and you feel better. If not may I recommend a nice walk through nature. In regards to fox, well losing friends is a living hell. He was a good guy with big ears to listen to people. I just recommend talking to someone it helps a lot.

[Repaid1]

I just heard this one this morning, I posted another in a different thread, take care Moogs Download the MP3 here: Falling Stars Sorry not the best copy. Video from Youtube:

I get emotional over these type of things..and I have to tell you this song makes me cry, I feel your pain. I guess what is worse is I felt the pain of Restlessfox and know what he felt. I feel this is a song that he would want to say to you about your friendship. I hope It doesn't upset you. I don't want you to cry in pain, but yet shed tears in remembrance of a fine man who moved to a place of no pain. He smiles down on you...all you have to do is look up and smile. Try it girl..a smile becomes you

When you forget me

When you don't remember my name

Not even a memory

Somewhere in the back of your brain

I won't be offended 'cause I always knew

That the day would come when

I'm not enough to make you stay

You tell me it's not possible

No way that we could break

But nothing is illogical

Believe me...

Like falling stars over your head

We were bound to burn up alive

Crashing cars

I'll never get over you,

Never over you 'cause

You are so beautiful, yeah

The world is turning

And time keeps on lingering on

The sun will be burning

Eventually you will be gone

I'll always love you

Ohh, believe it or not

But baby, that's not enough to,

Not enough to stop these...

Falling stars over your head

We were bound to burn up alive

Crashing cars

I'll never get over you

Never over you 'cause

You are so beautiful, yeah

When it's all said and done

I'll be just a speck in the galaxy

Floating far away by gravity

Tell me it's not possible

No way that we could break

Like falling stars

Like crashing cars

Like falling stars over your head

We were bound to burn out, just like

Crashing cars

I'll never get over you

Never over you, 'cause

You are so beautiful

You are so beautiful, yeah

[curiositykilledthecat]

Moogs, I know how you feel. *hugs* my dear, If I lived clsoer I'd say spemnd the night with Mia and I, we always welcome more company.(well you're not a HNG so we like you). I know it sucks being alone, not having someone close to you that you can pull on for support. Trust me I know that feeling very well. I too am coming up on a year since a close friend of the family died prematurely and it sucks thinking about the loss, even more so when someone commits the act of taking their own life. I've been down that road many times in life, never to the point of seriously doing it, just always contemplating and wondering if anyone would care. It's unfortunate what happened to Fox, I didn't know Fox well enough and wish I had the chance, maybe things would be different. Don't blame yourself or hold any guilt over it Moogs, it is not your fault, suicide is never anyone elses fault. I know the media likes to blame the bullies, however in the end it's not their fault. I never went through with the act because I chose to show those who ridiculed me that I was better than they were, unfortunately, not everyone has that resolve. It's a shame and suicde shouldn't happen but it does. We all have to deal with loss in our own way.

I lost my sister's best friend last year due to complications from diabetes and it was horrifying that it happened. I was close friends with her brothers and sister so this loss was big for all of us. She was absolutely gorgeous growing up and could've been a model, however ignorance of the disease cost her everything, however it was amazing to see how in all of it her spirit shined brighter than at any point in her life. Her death was the only time I ever cried at a funeral and made me examine my own mortality. It also gave me several months of hell from my folks since they couldn't figure out that type 1 and type 2 diabetes are different.

I've had to counsel two different people this past year and talk them out of suicide, I know what it's like dealing with that. One even returned the favor by turning into an even crazier fool, however such is life, we have to be strong for the weak and in turn find those who can be even stronger for us. Moogs you have been there for me the last couple weeks as shit has happened and I'm here for you. You have my aim and Yim and have me on facebook. If you need to talk please don't hesitate to contact me. Stay strong little one and get some sleep.

[spoonchicken]

*Huggles Da Mooogs*...hang in there, friend....my favorite author wrote something once: "Pain is Life. Only the dead feel no pain". Sounds about right to me. Life sucks. Even the easiest of things seems to be a major hassle. I'm not gonna go into "my sob story" because that probably wouldn't be helpful to you. All I can think of to say, is that we have to keep going no matter what ("stiff upper lip" as the British would say). Someone else (can't remember who) once said "We are all trapped in solitary confinement inside our own skins" or something to that effect. That also sounds right to me. But you are NOT alone in life, and you are certainly not alone in having "less than happy & positive" thoughts and feelings. As far as that goes, you've got a lot of company , especially in here amoungst all of us. So, go ahead and feel shitty. There's nothing wrong with that! And, all things considered, your feelings are completely understandable.....and justified. The trick is to not let these bad things overwhelm / control us. That's the hard part. Last but not least, consider the immortal words of William Shakespeare..."Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all". At least you and Foxy had your time together......better than a lot of us have ever had. *Super-Huggles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* I don't know if my words are considered soothing or aggravating, but obviously I'm hoping for the former. Please do your best to hang in there, Moogs!

[Codymoogle]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. *hugs* I'll update on my thoughts again more later.

~ moogles

[Codymoogle]

My God, what is with me? I've been alternating between extreme hyperness and sadness all within the past few hours.

It seems that my moods like to shift rapidly around this time of year...Even moreso now that fox is gone.

To make a list...

November 1st - Marks the 2 year anniversary of the death of another friend of mine. He was a Type 1 diabetic who didn't take care of himself, and died from cardiac arrest due to uncontrolled blood sugar. My other friend, who was his fiancee, is probably going to be depressive around this time as well. It's kind of hard to accept even now, since there was no closure to speak of for either of us really.

November 22nd - This would be fox's 22nd birthday, if he were still alive. Yay. I had no formal closure with his death, either. Pattern, anyone...

December 17th - Daddy's birthday. We have to be apart yet again, and that hurts. Yeah, we can talk, but I want to BE there. It's been four years and I just want to be with him already.

December 24th and 25th - Christmas Eve and Day. I love my family and all, but it's still difficult being without Daddy and having to act like an adult and act happy when I just don't feel that way.

January 30th - My birthday. I usually get dragged out to someplace I don't want to go and have cake and presents I don't want on my birthday. My biggest birthday wish is to have a small party with a few of my closest friends (who know the REAL me) and snuggle up with Daddy afterward.

Maybe it's just whiny and emo, but that's how I feel. Hopefully the feeling will cycle into hyperness again soon, like it did earlier.

~ moogle

[Sophie ♥]

If you need anyone to talk to, Moogs... ♥

-Sophie

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well December is going to be rough for me this year as we are coming up to the one year anniversary of a childhood friend's death. She was type 1 diabetic and died from a series of complications.

Holidays are turning into a mess since my father dislikes anything abnormal (lol, he doesn't know me very well) and has constant issue with Mia being involved in any family dinners. My sister is coming home to visit, her boyfriend is Muslim (well non practicing) so this will cause all sorts of fun. I can't wait to meet to one of Mia's uncles because he is the type to say something stupid. I hate dealing with drama and I have enough of it already living with a multiple.

Moogs I feel for ya, I'm always here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. You can txt me or aim me at any time.

[sarah_ab]

curi, off topic i know, but thought i'd point out... no where does it say a person is obligated to engage in family gatherings.... especially if those gatherings are going to cause more stress and harm... then good.

that saying "you can't chose your family" is bull.... I chose my family, and it is NOT my biological family.

Perhaps you and your sister should have holidays together, and only include those friends and family who can enjoy each others company and not pass judgement.

Moogs.... sorry about your foxy! and for getting slightly off topic.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well said Sarah, however in my parents defense at the end of the day they will be nice to save appearances and be respectful of their kids. I am actually looking forward to christmas this year for the simple fact that I won't hear my mother's, insane, frantic bitching.

[sarah_ab]

well then thats good curi!!!!

i just say this because i spent 22 years assuming i had to call my bio family my family... when i finally realize you CAN pick your family and got away from that toxic environment my life got soooo much better!!!!

[curiositykilledthecat]

Ironically since I moved out I've never gotten along with them better. they're easy to love from a distance.