Purpose Of It All

[Rhezz]

Lately I've been thinking quite heavily, especially so I've been reflecting on my life and my current situation. Here I am 22 years old, still at home, never had a serious relationship and I have a serious addicition to nappys/diapers or whatever name you wish to give them. Getting to this point hasn't taken much effort or even self reflection, but here I stand reflecting and with an emmence ammount of effort.

Some 6 months have passed since my last encounter with my bane; the product designed for adults of whom cannot control bodily functions. And my viscous and self-destroying cycle of emotions and thoughts runs through quite formidably. As I'm at home, and living with my parents, yet "lucky" enough to be the only child (dispite the fact I'm not a child to live at home); I'm finding it more and more of a challenge to be able to find a perfect time to arrange the delivery of my drug, my escape; the diaper/nappy. This is causing me emmence problems in all elements of my life.

You see I've came to realise that when I put on a diaper/nappy, I feel a rush. Now I'm sure by reading that line you think a rush in a sexual nature, but I'm also sure you won't disagree with me when you feel that rush of safety, feeling like everythings perfect and perhaps even fixed? Of course this is obvious, and perhaps not even problematic, but being 6 months without such a stimulation has provked a degree of thought, which has been plaguing me the past several weeks of which I have been denying and ignoring. This "rush", gives me a sense of safety and shuts off all my problems straight away and all I can think about is how perfect the moment is and how lucky I am, even so how much I love my life at that point. But after, after the sensation and luxury of the moment fades into the nomality and blandess of life; I cannot help but reflect.

We are denying ourselves if we don't agree on the one obvious point; this is a defense mechanism. Regression, by that I mean, and by that I mean all the Diaper Lovers and all the Adult babys, who choose to regress into this state of safety and reliance. but what are we hiding from? I apppreicate some people may even disagree with me, that this is just a sensation that was developed at some point in our premature lives, carried forward into adult hood that has caused such wonder; however can we realy deny why we do it? Why does dressing ourselves in such irrelavant (to some) objects make us feel the way we feel? Is it because when we were very young we were aided by such mechanisms that has caused us to feel safe or is this adefensive mechanism? Has it been an act of random attraction and affilation? I don't know, all I know is I feel safe when I have one, but I also feel a severe of risk of being caught, dispite being caught red handed several occasions.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at but, I'm just wondering if anyone has felt the same way? I've been searching for purpose lately; in all aspects of my life and I cannot help but feel regret, even when I elude my life and absord in this activity.

[Jabez]

I've thought about this a lot over the years. I've never been the type of person to settle for "just because" as a good reason for anything.

I have come to the same conclusion as you have, though I do not particularly like to admit it. I can see how it would be a defense mechanism for myself given that I went through some not so great things as a child, but all of that was after I was out of diapers. So I think somewhere, I connected diapers with a feeling of safetly since nothing happened until after I was already out of them.

And also, for a lot of us, diapers seem to provide a means of temporary escape from our adult lives and the problems presented in it. I love being able to forget how many things are messed up in my life, even if the feeling is only temporary. I find temporary better than not at all.

That being said, I do agree with you though it can probably be said that it is not necessarily true for everyone. While it is probably a defense mechanism for a lot of people, it definitely will not be true for everyone.

It is definitely interesting to think about and discuss.

[Goerge]

I think the reason I have this desire to wear nappies stems from my first year of life, I was separated from my mother and this consequently resulted in me having attachment issues, perhaps the foster family gave more love when they changed me I don't know but I've always like nappies from when I can remember...

[curiositykilledthecat]

I haven't tried to figure everything out, I just enjoy it.

[Bettypooh]

I'm sure the reason differs for everyone, though one thing seems to be universal- wearing diapers is an emotional release for everyone That's a need of the human psyche For some it's security, for some it's sexual, for some it's an escape from reality- but for all it's enjoyable and relieves stress Since it hurts nobody and does us good then don't worry about it. If the subject intrigues you then check it out You may find out things about yourself that you never realized in the process- I know I did

Bettypooh

[tris]

Uhm. Great usage of vocab! Can't you just smoke a J like everyone else, though?

Your flowery words distract from the meaning of what you're really trying to say. As far as your situation goes, don't let the folks try to tell you you're abnormal and that you're the only 22 year old living at home. Because of the world's situation in general, there's not enough jobs and fortune to go around.

I didn't leave home until I was 22, and it took a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do it. My suggestion is find a friend who is in a similar situation, and pool your resources. Once you make an attempt at getting your own place (with a roommate), I assure you that your parents will change their positions and offer up some real assistance to get you on your way. Remember -- just like you want to be free to do what you'd like to do, I'm pretty certain that the 22 year dry-spell your parents have been going through is getting a little old. Give 'em the space they need so they can play jazz music, drink some wine, and get it on!

Likewise, you'll get your own space to be openly diapered, and do what YOU need to do.

Good luck, and Godspeed.

[Yvhuce]

Enjoy what you can, so long as you're not actually hurting yourself or others... If you believe it to be honestly detrimental to yourself, then go see a shrink about it. I'm not saying that you need to see them about quitting diapers, but that they may be able to help you learn to moderate it more, if it is becoming or has become an addiction.

And you think 22 and alone is bad... I'm creeping up on 30 and still alone... So take some solace in that someone has it worse-off than you...

[MLGTexas84]

How much of what you posted can I try to answer?

1. If your parents have caught you then why are you worried about overly hiding it. Just place your orders and say I have a package coming and you are better off not knowing the contents. Seriously

2. I used to go through purge cycles, I think during the non-acceptance stage of our lives we all do. You might even show pride in not indulging, but where you make the mistake is comparing it to a drug and not a life style. You see, being AB/DL is part of who you are not something you came across that is dangerous. As a hetero I view it very much like being homo, it doesn't matter if you are born that way or something happened to you when you where young (and don't want to argue that either), but the affect is still the same and to deny it is also just as harmful.

3. Personally, I can tell you that 90% of my attraction to diapers is sexual. There are times when I wear because I just want to hangout and enjoy the feeling, again to compare it, I figure vanillas do the same with expensive clothing or attractive underwear. Rarely, less than once or twice a month it is a regression non-sexual event and I curl up under my favorite blanket and watch cartoons.

Side Note: to claim 'we are denying ourselves if we don't agree on the one obvious point; this is a defense mechanism.' Is both very limiting and highly inaccurate for some (read me).

4. Currently the Psychiatric Community has done virtually no studies on us and not much on any of the other LS's out there. As such we don't know why we are the way we are or what that entails for each individual.

Final Note: AB/DL isn't the all encompassing aspect or who you are, but merely a part. To deny it is damaging to your overall mental health, but also to overindulge can have harmful side effects. Like all things it is a balancing act.

I hope this helps.

[curiositykilledthecat]

How much of what you posted can I try to answer?

1. If your parents have caught you then why are you worried about overly hiding it. Just place your orders and say I have a package coming and you are better off not knowing the contents. Seriously

2. I used to go through purge cycles, I think during the non-acceptance stage of our lives we all do. You might even show pride in not indulging, but where you make the mistake is comparing it to a drug and not a life style. You see, being AB/DL is part of who you are not something you came across that is dangerous. As a hetero I view it very much like being homo, it doesn't matter if you are born that way or something happened to you when you where young (and don't want to argue that either), but the affect is still the same and to deny it is also just as harmful.

3. Personally, I can tell you that 90% of my attraction to diapers is sexual. There are times when I wear because I just want to hangout and enjoy the feeling, again to compare it, I figure vanillas do the same with expensive clothing or attractive underwear. Rarely, less than once or twice a month it is a regression non-sexual event and I curl up under my favorite blanket and watch cartoons.

Side Note: to claim 'we are denying ourselves if we don't agree on the one obvious point; this is a defense mechanism.' Is both very limiting and highly inaccurate for some (read me).

4. Currently the Psychiatric Community has done virtually no studies on us and not much on any of the other LS's out there. As such we don't know why we are the way we are or what that entails for each individual.

Final Note: AB/DL isn't the all encompassing aspect or who you are, but merely a part. To deny it is damaging to your overall mental health, but also to overindulge can have harmful side effects. Like all things it is a balancing act.

I hope this helps.

Plus 1 on the bold text.

To the original poster,

Yes in a nut shell infantilism can be simplified to a defense or coping mechanism, however that is a generalization that can be qualified by almost any behavior in life. You are 22 and at home, this is not a big deal. there are some angry old farts on the boards who will complain that your soft and what not; do not worry about them. I moved out at 18 and came back at 20. I have lived with my folks for the past seven years and albeit it's been a beneficial arrangement, I hated it. I am finally moving out again within the next month or so into ironically, a fellow abdl's apartment.

In regards to the fetish/lifestyle very little is known in general amongst the psychiatric community. The psychiatric community will be the first to admit that they honestly don't know what triggers fetishism in people, they have their theories however nothing concrete. For me I have a bunch of issues stemming from my childhood that may explain the infantilism side of me however it wouldn't neccessarily account for the fetish side. I can recall having those desires at a young age and it may be a developmental issue or a simple mis-asssociation. We really don't know and I for one am okay with that. There is also a lot ofchildhood abuse and issues of that like within our community, could be coincidental or not, who knows. All I can say bro is relax and always look at the bright side of life. You're 22, chill out you have about three more years until you're supposed to take life 'seriously', enjoy yourself.

[loopy]

I'm not sure what to say in regards to your post Rhezz.

I agree it is a defence/coping mechanism, well at first thats what it starts off as. When you're young, and you find out you have these feelings, and how they effect you. You can go too far and start relying on it to feel less stressed. Not a good place to reach. The thing is, as I've gotten older (in body ) its become less of a defence mechanism, and more of a hobby/thing I do for enjoyment. I can't regress if I have worries, or issues in my big life, I find that those worries keep butting in and stopping me from fully enjoying my self. Sure its still relaxing, but no way near the same degree. So I sort those worries out, and fix the problems, its the only way I can function and let my little self out fully.

You do need to look at your self, you do need to realise what you have to change for real, before you'll be happy. At the moment you're still in a good position to change, you're young, you've got life ahead of you, you can make a good life from that starting point. Its not easy, but the earlier you do it the easier it is.

The main thing is controlling the desire to wear, and by that I don't mean not wearing at all. You need to wear as often as you need to stop you from thinking about it all the time. You have to give into that desire a little to stop the desire from controlling you fully. I know you're a DL but in my case I have to let out my little side on a semi regular basis, or else it really does start effecting me, getting me down, making me feel like crap, and of course I can't stop thinking about regressing. But by letting out that little side every now and then I can control the desire and stop it from entering every aspect of my life. Of course, at the moment I let out my little side alot more often then "semi regular" but I'm in the position where I can do just that, with out it having a negitive effect on my life.

As has been said above, its all about balance. The balancing act takes a while to master, but you'll get it eventually and find a position where you can be happy in life, and happy with your desire as well.

[bedwetter73]

Wow, you all seemed to cover it well. This happens all the time; by the time I get to the end of the board you all have come up with the greatest answers and left me speechless.

Well anyway, I'll add mt two cents:

I grew up attached to diapers because it was an emotional attachment. My mom took great care in changing and cleaning me so I always felt safe. MY dad took me to the neighbors, hence why he and I don't have a great relationship. Then it was the bedwetting. I was always wet and had to deal with smelly bedding and a smelly room, hell you could smell it in the whole house. Then mom gave me toddler diapers to tuck into my underpants. I wore them from 8-14 when mom found out that I was really liking my diapers! The diapers removed the smell, mostly, and the stress of waking up soaked. I liked that safe feeling,so I know what you are feeling like with the whole safety issue. I'd have to say that has a bit to do with why I can't fall asleep without a diaper on.

Then there is the fun side! We all know the fun side: Peeing when and where you want, masturbating and leaving the mess to soak into your diaper and all sorts of fun games that can be played. The whole mommy daddy scene and role playing is fun. Diapers are just something that adults shouldn't be wearing so it's taboo. I guess it would be like wearing girl's underpants when you are a boy. It can be done, it's fun and dirty at the same time. Diapers just add to life!

As far as being depressed about living at home when you are 22. YOU ARE STILL A KID!!!! Enjoy it. Damn I'm F*&King 36 and looking at my life like: damn what the hell happened? Granted I'm married (got lucky on that one) a great log cabin, 2 dogs, 2 cats and no kids, except me of course. My wife isn't into diapers so it's all my play time.

And oh yes, screw hiding from your parents, they lost control over you when you were 18. You can die for this country and drink why the hell can't you mail order diapers. Just tell them they don't want to open it. If they do, then explain why they shouldn't have. If they love you then they will respect your privacy.

I guess I've rambled on enough. Enjoy life man, it's not going to get easier any time soon so just enjoy what you have.