Another Girl Versus Diaper Discussion

[DiaperBigBoy]

Well, recently, I have been thinking about my relationship. I'm going to get into it quick. I know that this community is slighted but my girlfriend doesn't like my diaper fetish, she actually get's jealous that when I hang out with my AB male friends, that I'm going to find some one else and leave her for it. I already know she's insecure with herself and I've gotten her out of her little "shell", but she still has those moments. Anyways, I am wondering how many people actually had good experiences with girls without diapers. I just don't see this working, if I have a diaper fetish and I like it and she is kind of grossed out with it, and from what I said about my AB friends, anyways. I was just wondering (again) what kind of good things have happened to ABs that were with NON-AB's. Thanks in advance.

[timmyc]

diapers have always been accepted by my partners, but I had plenty of enjoyable times w/o diapers in those relationships. I am sure she has female friends, you should be allowed to have your friends ABDL or otherwise. She doesn't have to like your diapers, it sounds like she is accepting though not participating. Balance, yea enjoy your diapers but it shouldn't be the only thing in your life either. If it is too big of an obstacle, maybe you are better off parting ways, you can't change who you are any more than she can't change who she is. I don't know enough about your relationship to know where things stand, but you both deserve to be happy in your relationships.

[DprDJeff]

It really depends on you. If you can't have good experiences without diapers being involved, then your relationship is doomed. If you can have good experiences without them, then you have a chance. You just need to figure out if it's enough to keep you interested.

Personally, I've never stayed in a relationship with a woman that was opposed to my fetish. Not so much because I'm selfish, but because I have a strong dislike for close-minded people. My ex-wife was very supportive of my fetish and she even had some odd desires of her own. Even though her desires were not my idea of fun, I did all I could to give her what she wanted.

That being said, if you are considering a break-up, then you have already decided to break up. You are just looking for an excuse to do it...

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

lucy and i share our abdl ways so we dont realy have to worry about that in our marrage,

but i have to say i have always been insecure and have some of the same worries as your gf does....although i now know that they are a little silly, i just cant help feeling jealous...lucy knows this, and is very good about it....the thing is i just have to tell lucy to get on with what she wants to do even though i am jealous and i just have to deal with my jealousy.....she's good and reassures me and cuddels me and, well baby's me!

i know you can't do that but i think these types of insecuritys are common in us girls!!

thing is if shes opposed to you wearing she may not get used to it....or she may come round to it, in time, if she does she can be part of your life with your abdl friends then she may start feeling less jealous about it...

best of luck, hope it works out

juniper

xxx

[wishing for diapers]

I can't speak from the AB perspective as I am just a DL (e.g. not as involved when I want/need to indulge).

My story is that my wife initially was accommodating (let me wear around her, brought them into sex, experimented a bit herself), then she decided that she was grossed out by it, and right now she is OK with it but doesn't want to be involved.

Even though she doesn't truly understand it all, she does understand it is something I can't turn off no matter how much she dislikes and I love her. So now, I wait until she is out of the house before indulging and if she is home I try not to make a big show of it (sometimes it's really hard as I just REALLY REALLY want her to pat my butt while wearing).

I think the first thing you need to decide is what you want. If you someone to share your AB side with and you really don't believe you can be happy any other way, then I would say you need to move on. If on the other hand you want a committed and loving relationship first and foremost, then you need to talk to her and work some things out.

The first thing you need to address with her is her insecurities about you running off with someone else. If this isn't addressed it will continue to cause problems regardless of the AB issues. Unless there is something specific you are doing to cause the trust issues, this will be difficult for her and may never completely go away. I can speak from her side on this as I am very insecure and have always been convinced that my wife could/should find someone better. Oddly enough it took her having an internet fling and us subsequently getting past that for me to find some measure of self-worth and get over my fears of not being good enough. Please note that I am not suggesting you have an affair to put her mind at rest

Dealing with the AB issue will be tough as well. My best suggestion is to work on helping her to understand that it is just another piece of you and it's not a matter of not loving her enough. I would also suggest you save your AB activities for times when you are apart. If she loves you, trusts you, and you have done your best to explain your connection to your AB side, then she should be willing to give you that time just like you should be willing to make compromises for her.

I can't promise it will work out, this is just my best input based on my own experiences.

As far as our relationship without diapers, I think it works out reasonably well. Of course I would like diapers to be move involved between us, but I know there are plenty of things she would like that don't happen as well.

[aron in a nappy]

I can't speak from the AB perspective as I am just a DL (e.g. not as involved when I want/need to indulge).

My story is that my wife initially was accommodating (let me wear around her, brought them into sex, experimented a bit herself), then she decided that she was grossed out by it, and right now she is OK with it but doesn't want to be involved.

Even though she doesn't truly understand it all, she does understand it is something I can't turn off no matter how much she dislikes and I love her. So now, I wait until she is out of the house before indulging and if she is home I try not to make a big show of it (sometimes it's really hard as I just REALLY REALLY want her to pat my butt while wearing).

I think the first thing you need to decide is what you want. If you someone to share your AB side with and you really don't believe you can be happy any other way, then I would say you need to move on. If on the other hand you want a committed and loving relationship first and foremost, then you need to talk to her and work some things out.

The first thing you need to address with her is her insecurities about you running off with someone else. If this isn't addressed it will continue to cause problems regardless of the AB issues. Unless there is something specific you are doing to cause the trust issues, this will be difficult for her and may never completely go away. I can speak from her side on this as I am very insecure and have always been convinced that my wife could/should find someone better. Oddly enough it took her having an internet fling and us subsequently getting past that for me to find some measure of self-worth and get over my fears of not being good enough. Please note that I am not suggesting you have an affair to put her mind at rest

Dealing with the AB issue will be tough as well. My best suggestion is to work on helping her to understand that it is just another piece of you and it's not a matter of not loving her enough. I would also suggest you save your AB activities for times when you are apart. If she loves you, trusts you, and you have done your best to explain your connection to your AB side, then she should be willing to give you that time just like you should be willing to make compromises for her.

I can't promise it will work out, this is just my best input based on my own experiences.

As far as our relationship without diapers, I think it works out reasonably well. Of course I would like diapers to be move involved between us, but I know there are plenty of things she would like that don't happen as well.

Well said Wishing for diapers.

I'm in a similar situation as you. I told my soon to be wife a little while ago and was completely grossed out by it.

But after talking about it and explaining that it not a feeling that can just be switched off like a light, she has come around slightly and accepts its apart of me.

For me, her and our relationship come first and the nappies have to fit around that. Yes I would like her to get involved but I know she doesn't like the idea, so I don't mention it hardly at all and I don't make a big thing out of it.

Diaperbigboy I think you need to decide how much she means to you and go from there. if she is the right one for you then you need to try and show her that she means more to you than anything else such as nappies.

[BabyJune]

Now you know why "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus" was written. Men and women have entirely different views on many situations, and infantilism is one of the biggies! It comes from the way males and females are brought up, and that is, perhaps, why so many women don't see eye-to-eye on a diaper fetish. (After all, women are expected to change them--for real--on babies whether they want to or not). I don't mean that to sound like a sexist remark because it isn't. But in all the years I've associated with children, diaper duty and potty duty has been off limits for me because I'm male. (I didn't realize that diaper-changing or potty training was rocket science!)

[lil'boy]

I have had a good relationship with my wife for a number of years. That said, I've never told her about my diaper fetish, or my growing ab desires. I just haven't been able to work up the nerve. We've got 2 daughters, which complicates things.

I wear around them, but always under clothing.

It would be nice to not keep this secret from her (I hate keeping secrets), but the fear of negative consequences has always held me back.

Which I suppose means I have nothing to offer, except to say that every one has to make choices in life. You'll ultimately need to decide for yourself what you think is more important to you...your relationship with THIS girl, or your ab/dl lifestyle. You could end it and hope for the best. But in doing so you could be alone for a long time, trying to find the elusive one who loves and supports you in your fetish.

Good luck.

[LuvsGurl]

Well I have been in her place, and let me tell you it is a lot for a gurl to take in. Think of it from her point of view, you have a relationship with her only to later say that there is something that means more to you. (i am not saying this is right or wrong, but it is how she will see it)Or she will see it as something that will make or break your relationship that she has no control of. Or in my situation I know that the attraction to a object is greater than the attraction to me. No matter how good your feel about yourself it does not make you feel good to know the person you care the most about feels more for something you can never really share then he does with you. Then she will start to look at the options for a future, if the sexual drive is more for the diaper then you, chances of children may not be as great. She may wonder if you want or need kids as you want to be one, I know this is not a problem, but someone new to the community may not.

I hope for everyone that she is strong enough to trust you, and cares enough to accept your feelings, also that you do the same for her's what ever they are. She may accept, even join in your play; though do not confuse this with her feeling the same about it as you. She may be get a satisfaction like I do, happy to make you happy. She may be doing whatever it takes to make you work, though this is a dangerous place based on what you do, not her. You need to always point out how it is her that is important, she is enough if everything else were to had to stop she would still be in your life.

You need to keep letting her know how you feel, give her gifts; show her that she is a gift in your life. Otherwise she will always wonder, and fears that if she stops playing your games will you not want her anymore and go look else were. Or will you even have to, as you have your diapers.

I say this because these are the things that I fight with all the time. I know that they are often illogical, and sound crazy to most that are on your side of the life. But in the end that is what it is like for us that are not AB/DL but try to live with it as part of our lives. We have not been Born into it, so we see things differently, though often in a supportive way.

Please keep this in mind when you are with her, talking with her about it. Though if she ever needs someone to talk to, just so that she will not feel alone, I am here.

[Dougie]

If you are serious about keeping the relationship you need to talk to her very openly. You both need to make compromises. You can't change who she is, and she can't change who you are. You both need to be willing to meet in the middle or the relationship is ultimately doomed to fail.

You might need to meet with you AB friends much less frequently. If she really cares about you she won't make you give them up, but she will want more time with you. If she demands you don't talk with your AB friends run, don't walk run away from that relationship as fast as you can. It is not worth the headache to try to make things work if it's all one sided on the compromises.

You shouldn't try to push her into the AB scene if she doesn't want it. She will let you know if she wants to be part of it when she is ready to explore it.

[lil'boy]

I'm not acusing anybody of anything, per se, but I have to wonder how many people who post in response to questions like this one are actually involved in long-term relationships? Yes there are compromises in a relationship. Yes you should be open and honest with you spouse. But, within reason. There is a difference between being open and honest and being hurtful, and sometimes it's a fine line.

You can love someone more than anything else in the world, and still find faults that are at times intolerable. That's where the compromise comes in. Knowing when to be honest and when to keep your mouth shut is an important part of that compromise -- and for each of us (and for each couple) the 'line' is different.

Use your best judgment and realize that whatever decision you make there are likely potential and actual consequences, some of which may not be so good.

Again, good luck.

[Radioman]

What I have to add to all this is take it slow. Dont push it on her. I have been married over 16 years to the same wonderfull woman. I have an injury that caused my incon, but it was still hard for her to accept. I never pushed it on her. I let her set the pace on what she would and wouldnt do. it took almost 5 years before she was fully involved.

One other factor I always tried to remember was that there are times she needs her "MAN" not another baby. I try to

be sensitive to those times and be there for her as her "MAN" and husband and not push my ABDL. I find that she is

more willing to take on the ABDL side of me when she has her needs taken care of.

trying to push your ABDL on her is just selfish and will lead you to being alone.

As for her telling you who you can be friends with, try and listen. More then once my wife has been

correct on her judgement on the people I have picked for friends.. Of course, if its beyond that,she

might just be controlling and I would recomend moving forward carefully.

Hope you can get something from my advise>>

Radioman

[sarah_ab]

if diapers are an activity that you enjoy on your own, then asking for some time alone to indulge in them i dont see as an unreasonable request and it should certainly not be a relationship breaker. I really enjoy the show stargate universe, but my boyfriend doesn't, so when i want to watch it, i'll ask him if its ok if i watch it ... meaning i want some alone time and that in turn gives HIM some time to do whatever he wants.

however, if diapers are an activity you can only enjoy with another person and they are a very important activity to you, of which there is nothing wrong, then perhaps she is not the girl for you, which is not to say you cannot remain friends but perhaps she is not hte one to have an intimate relationship with.

For me diapers are very sexual, and sexual compatibility is crucial to me in a relationship so i knew it would be important to be with someone who wanted to be my daddy etc.... however, there are many things i enjoy, and it is not crucial my partner enjoy, for example i am an avid reader, my boyfriend is not. Which is find, i can read on my own, while he is with friends or watching tv in another room.

anyway, i think it depends on how you enjoy your diaper activity, and how important diapers are to you.... for me being an ab is not something i would want to give up... just as reading is not.. however i knew i could be with someone who did not enjoy reading, but could not be with someone who did not want to be my daddy, as the apeal of ab for me is to engage in it with someone else.... but the apeal for reading is to read on my own time...

[timmyc]

Another Girl Versus Diaper

Sounds like an episode of Buffy or Zena

[XxWillowxX]

I personally think that shes not jelous in a sense it actully sounds like she wants to take part but because shes already stated her opinions shes kinda regretting what shes saying when she sees you with ur ab friends, and wishes she could take part?

I mean i could be completly wrong in this, why don't u ask her to tag along to one of ur meetups?

[Bettypooh]

So many great answers so far- kudos to you all About all that I can add is that to relate to someone else honestly and fully, you first have to be fully honest with yourself- and that's not easy because you're going to find things you don't really like You're also going to find things you like but they don't. What you do about those will decide what happens afterward. Like the girls have said, they see things differently and you must take that into consideration for their views are as valid as yours are. If non-acceptance is the result then you must decide which is most important. You can have diaper-time away from her but she needs to know that you're going to be doing that and she needs to know that there is no one but her that you're going to go home to-undiapered. I know a crossdresser whose wife doesn't approve. She knows that he can't change- he knows that she can't change-so he dresses up away from where it could cause them problems of any kind. Their love had kept them together and allowed this for 40+ years. Neither is totally happy but it's the best that either and both of then can do and it's enough.

I wish you well!

Bettypooh- w/o a full set of emoticons