Confused...advice Please

[dans7008]

Well...I'm not an AB or DL. Forgive my intrusion. But I could really use some advice- I don't have anyone else to talk to.

My boyfriend of two years- whom I love deeply and sincerly- told me a while ago about his fetish. I couldn't be more okay with it- sharing in this secret has brought us closer than ever. But I know I just don't understand it and we haven't found our happy medium yet.

Frankly, it doesn't turn me on and I'm not sure if it ever will. I adore how much he adores me in diapers and I'll prance around for him any day, but on some level I'm still embarrassed. I don't know. For one thing, he's still shy about it (probably on some level because he senses my embarrassment) so I really don't know what I'm doing. I can't get into the role play because I don't know what he wants. I've read some of these stories and spent hours on these sites but I still don't know how to act for him. I just want so much to make him happy. And I suppose the biggest oppostical is going to be his shyness, but if I wasn't so hesitant with it I'm sure that would help. I just don't get it. In theory maybe...but I want to understand deeper than that. I want to share in the pleasure of it....not just act. Is there anything I could do?

The second difficulty is that I haven't come with him but (maybe?) once. A while ago. And it's not my biggest concern in the world- it's just frustrating, you know? It's hard to get turned on when what you're doing w/ your lover isn't linked to sex at all for you. And we're both virgins so I've been wanting to make love with him...but nothing about that excites him. Nothing. And that sucks. It means a lot to me and nothing to him. I feel like there's got to be a happy medium for us but I don't even know where to start! Has anyone else had to adjust to a non-fetisher? Any advice on how to both get aroused??

Please help.

[Corporal Jigsore]

Hi,

I'm a long time DL (not AB) and live in a solid relationship with a girl who shares the fetish. We are both in our 30s.

I was touched by your post. Really. You surely lovey your BF dearly. And you are truly concerned about advancing your realtionship. That's good. No realtionship will withstand a sexual frustration of one person for ever, i.e. you not being able to achieve an organsm, for the reasons you described. I will get orgasms both with or without me wearing diaper. And I do enjoy plain sex, too. Its all in the brain. I get off by imagining I'm doing my play with someone else than my GF, while fantasising about it alound with (!) her. She'd tell me I'm being a naugty boy cheating on my GF, while making sure she wears hear dipaer just loose enough to eventually facilitate penetration. She'll usually have an orgasm before me, giving me the delicate choice of wether to cum inside of her or inside my diaper. You see, its not so much about the visuals and the aesthetics, but about the play with the unspeakable. And thinking and speaking your wiredest fantasies. I suggest you go sit on his face, wet your diaper in a huge gush of warm pee, make him feel the warmth in his face through the plast and watch his wiener grow to a treetrunk. Just before he is about to come (BTW does he relief himself usually or do you asist?) you make sure you slide that salami in youe wet pussy, by any means. You might want to talk to a female about those orgasms, I'm being told stories that most women do not achieve vaginal orgasm at all, unless there is extra stimulation of the klit. If that's true, you might want to find about what type you are.

I don't know whats going in your BF's head, meybe it has helped you a little to learn what is going on in mine. You'll get it, for sure.

Cheers,

the Corporal

[enfant]

Has anyone else had to adjust to a non-fetisher? Any advice on how to both get aroused??

Lots of folks have had to make that adjustment. It can be a challenge. There are a few books you might find helpful, such as When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Easton and Liszt, and there's a good section on this subject in Come Hither... by Gloria Brame. I'm afraid I don't have any more specific advice for you (though possibly my mommy would: she's been through the same thing).

I do, however, have some specific advice for your boyfriend, and it goes like this:

Dude. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Seriously. You're in love with this woman, and she's in love with you, and she doesn't mind your fetish in the least. So, it's not really her thing. Big deal--she likes making you happy. She likes it so much, she's spending hours of her time reading websites about a fetish she doesn't have just so she can understand a little better what she can do to make you happy.

You, my man, have won the lottery, and it would behoove you to show a little respect and gratitude. She is trying so hard to find out what you like and learn how to eroticize it, but when she tells you what she wants from her sex life, all she gets is "nothing about that excites him. Nothing. And that sucks." She's totally right about that last part.

While your woman is working on figuring out how to make you the happiest kinky-boy in the world, you should be working just as hard if not harder figuring out how to make her the happiest vanilla-girl in the world. Dan Savage calls this quality GGG: "good, giving, and game for anything". Your girlfriend has it. You don't. Get it... or she's gonna leave you for someone who deserves her.

[babykeiff]

Well...I'm not an AB or DL. Forgive my intrusion. But I could really use some advice- I don't have anyone else to talk to.

My boyfriend of two years- whom I love deeply and sincerly- told me a while ago about his fetish. I couldn't be more okay with it- sharing in this secret has brought us closer than ever. But I know I just don't understand it and we haven't found our happy medium yet.

Frankly, it doesn't turn me on and I'm not sure if it ever will. I adore how much he adores me in diapers and I'll prance around for him any day, but on some level I'm still embarrassed. I don't know. For one thing, he's still shy about it (probably on some level because he senses my embarrassment) so I really don't know what I'm doing. I can't get into the role play because I don't know what he wants. I've read some of these stories and spent hours on these sites but I still don't know how to act for him. I just want so much to make him happy. And I suppose the biggest oppostical is going to be his shyness, but if I wasn't so hesitant with it I'm sure that would help. I just don't get it. In theory maybe...but I want to understand deeper than that. I want to share in the pleasure of it....not just act. Is there anything I could do?

The second difficulty is that I haven't come with him but (maybe?) once. A while ago. And it's not my biggest concern in the world- it's just frustrating, you know? It's hard to get turned on when what you're doing w/ your lover isn't linked to sex at all for you. And we're both virgins so I've been wanting to make love with him...but nothing about that excites him. Nothing. And that sucks. It means a lot to me and nothing to him. I feel like there's got to be a happy medium for us but I don't even know where to start! Has anyone else had to adjust to a non-fetisher? Any advice on how to both get aroused??

Please help.

Dans7008,

for you to fully understand this interest of your boyfreind will mean finding out what your bf actually wants out of this. Is his intrested in diapers only as a fetish, or does he use diapers for the baby feelings, and does he want you to mother him. If the latter is true, he could be, like some AB's unable to climax while in 'baby mode' as it physically disqusts him. All this information you can find out by talking to him - and as you stated, he is shy about this, but that could also be him acting infantile requiring you to act as the dominant partner in this relationship. I strongly suggest talking to him, and if need be to get the answers you want, dominating him as a parent dominates their children.

[enfant]

there's a good section on this subject in Come Hither... by Gloria Brame.

Hmm. It just occurred to me that this was a little ambiguous. I don't mean there's a good section on adjusting to AB's (though the book does talk about us); I mean there's a section on the general problem of your partner having a fetish you yourself aren't into, and it discusses how you can find the erotic side of it for yourself.

It's a good book, I recommend it.

[DL88]

Corporal.....go die in a fire....

[curiositykilledthecat]

Hello and welcome to the forums. The only advice I can give you is that you really need to let him know that this is not your thing. If he truly loves you he'll respect that. Ultimately every relationship needs a little give and take so the fact you model for him is incredibly loving for you, however it sounds like you need to set the boundaries on that with him. As for love making, that is up to you to two to work out. I wish the best of luck to you both.

[Diapers4Me]

I agree with Enfant totally, DL88 is right on too!

You need to discuss this with your BF and attempt to enlighten him about the fundamentals of a relationship! This is a two way street and he's being a selfish idiot.

I wish my wife were as interested in making me happy as you are your BF! You are a mans dream come true! I've begged my wife to tell me what I can do for her....I'd do anything....but alas, she's essentially A-sexual....so what she'd like me to do is leave her alone and not ask her to do anything! OY.....

Bottom line....talk it through. If he continues to be so selfish, then you'll have to lay things on the line with him....some guys just don't get it until they are hit upside the head. Is he a single child? My guess is yes.....

[PampersPete]

Corporal.....go die in a fire....

Who does a guy have to murder around here to become a grammar nazi?