Approaching A Transition Phase

[palmd84]

Hi All, it's been awhile since I've posted on here. Admittedly I never posted much in the past and of those times I posted I believe most were related to my attempts at quiting the DL lifestyle. Of course if I was really successful I never would have come back to post on here. Instead I've learned to control the DL side and shut it off immediately when I've had more serious issues to deal with or was faced with possiblity of another discovering this side of me.

Up to now I've spent most of my adult life alone in an apartment and rarely see my friends outside of class. Faced with loneliness and the stress of an intense engineering program, I guess a situation a lot of others on here face, I often find myself in diapers (I suppose as an escape from reality). So now things are about to change big time. I met my wife about 4 years ago but since we go to different universities far from each other I've only actually lived with her for 3 month periods during the summer during which it's been easy for me to put away my DL side and enjoy the time with her. There were a few stressful moments I had the urge to be diapered as I otherwise would have, but I managed to surpress that urge so she still has no idea about it. This fall we finally decided to get married and after we both graduate this April we are going to permanently live together.

So now I find myself facing a bit of an awkward moment wondering whether I should tell her about this side of me (and if so when and how?) or hope that over time my DL side will disappear. My loneliness will be gone but I still will face stressful situations and I've almost trained myself to feel that urge to wear when faced with stressful or uncomfortable situations. I've opened up completely to my wife about everything but the DL stuff and we are very silly and playful when alone together. I know my wife won't be disgusted or upset about it instead she's the type of person who would more likely get a kick out of it and try to play me or tease me with it to the point of embarrassing me. I guess I could say I'm more worried about her getting carried away and leading us into awkward situations around other people more than anything; this would probably be ok for many ABs but for me I prefer to stay about 90% professional 10% silly. Alternatively if I don't tell her and my DL urges come back I may feel overwhelming guilt or be extremely uncomfortable in a situation I would otherwise have no problem with; worse I'd be keeping a secret from my wife and secrets destroy relationships. On the other hand were I to tell her now she may wonder why I waited so long and whether I'm keeping other secrets from her (which I'm not); I need her trust to make this marriage work.

For every reason I can think of to tell her I can find an equally convincing reason not to tell. Has anyone else had this experience? If so how did it work out for you and your marriage? Did the urge to wear go away after marriage? I'd really appreciate some advice here as I figure I'd be best off either telling her early on in our marriage or putting it away forever.

[BriGuy]

This coming from a man who was married and now getting a divorce I say talk about EVERYTHING before you get married. Even get pre-marital counseling. 3 out of 5 marriages fail, prepare yourself for everything and try to be as honest as possible before the marriage. Otherwise it will bite you in the ass.

~Brian

[Radioman]

You need to talk about it.

The urges will not go away just because you get married. They may take

a back burner for awhile because you have a new person in your like, BUT

your DL will come back.

If you hide this from her and it come out latter, she will always be questioning

what else you have not told her.

You can bring it up as pillow talk about fetishes... Or just sit down and be upfont

with her.

Radioman

[curiositykilledthecat]

What do you want to do tonight?

I don't know brain what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night......now you insert whatever your fetish is.

See not hard.

[palmd84]

Thanks guys, yeah I've become more aware that the DL side of me is most likely never going to leave. But like Radioman said it may take a back burner for awhile after my wife moves in. This might make it hard to explain it to her initially since it's hard to explain your interested in something that you're not interested in at the moment and don't want to be interested in for the future.

It's going to be difficult to find the right time/way to tell her too. I've been going through scenarios in my head. She is the type of girl that gets extremely jealous. I kind of regret telling her about a short-lived past relationship (the only relationship I ever had before her). She saw a photo of me and that girl hugging at the start of our relationship and still brings it every now and then to test that I don't have any feelings towards that girl. So my idea was I'd tell her I've been keeping a big secret from her then let her dig it out of me. She will automatically assume it has to do with another girl and turn serious and suspicious. After letting her know how ashamed I feel of myself and how hard it is to tell her; I will reveal that I'm a DL. This would certainly come as a huge relief to her compared to what she was preparing to hear and she'd be in a serious enough mood to take it in an understanding relaxed manner.

I mean alternatively I could explain it as a fetish thing during foreplay but like I said before she's the type of girl who would joking tease the heck out of me over it and it wouldn't be a serious enough time to explain myself clearly. Also it wouldn't explain the fact I like to wear for comfort/stress relief and make it seem like an explicitly sexual fetish.

[jediaper]

Well I don't know your wife, so you know more about how she would react than I, but it doesn't seem like a very good idea to lead her to believe your "secret" is anything other than what it is for any amount of time. Cause if shes as jealous as you say, cause it could snowball its way into a big misunderstanding that you may not be able to stop. your best bet would be to sit her down and confidently tell her. If you don't want her to tease you then tell her. If she is mature enough and you make your wishes clear she shouldn't give you a hard time.

[sarah_ab]

i believe you should tell her for numerous reasons. Of course there is the whole trust thing.. but it seems from what you have said it is more than that.

if you wife is already jealous that you had an ex girlfriend (which most people have ex's in their past) image how she will feel if she inadvertantly finds out you have been sharing intimate details with 'strangers' on a fetish website.

But you also need to tell her so you can set boundaries with her. You mentioned you were worried she would take it to far, so it is essentiall that boundaries be set.

Also, you are married but have never lived together for more than three months, so before you venture into this new stage in your marriage its important that she know who you are.

I'm not saying tell her the first night you move in.. give it time, give each time to adjust to the new living situation, to understand that it is no longer just a temporary summer living arrangement, then when you have found your rhythym, when you've got your budget under control, and your jobs are going good, and all those stressors that accompany such a big transition have been lessened, it may be a good time speak with her, and invite her to share any desires or fetish's she has, with you.

[Baby Bethany]

My advice to anyone in your situation would always be to tell your partner, the sooner the better.

I waited 12 years to tell my wife, and I can't tell you how soul destroying it was. There I was, looking into this woman's eyes and telling her I loved her more than anything else, and then when her back was turned I was sneaking around buying diapers. I can't tell you how many times she almost caught me. I felt like a fake, and eventually decided that I had to tell her, that way she could know about the real me and make her own decision if this is the man she wants to be with. I knew that after I told her there was no going back, but I honestly couldn't live a lie for the rest of our lives together.

Like you I only really do this to relax, so bringing it up during sex wasn't a great idea. I also went through the whole thing of rehersing what I was going to say, and thinking about the ideal time to say it.....boy I was nervous. Eventually I was giving her a massage one night and I said to her (just on the spur of the moment) "I want to tell you something." And I told her. I didn't actually use any of the lines I had thought about. To my surprise she didn't seem that worried. She said she had heard of guys doing this, and always felt a bit sorry for them.....like they had missed their childhood or something. I explained as best I could and she asked me if I had any diapers, I did and she diapered me the first time that very night. We spent the next few months learning together (I'd been doing this for years, but never with a partner). She is now my AB mommy.

One funny thing, I explained to her that I only do it for relaxation and don't want sex during ageplay, and then the first time she diapered me I went and had the hardest erection I'd ever had lol.

Tell her, that's all I can say. Trust me this fetish won't just go away, you will be decieving her month after month, year after year. Until eventually you will either cave in as I did, or she'll catch you in the act.......and then she will rightly feel deceived by you and wonder what else you've been hiding from her.

As for her making fun of you, just tell her you feel a little embarrassed about it. However it's also important that you both see the funny side of what we do, and enjoy this aspect together too.

Good luck

Beth

[Toddler Pampers]

Definitely tell her BEFORE you're married. I can't stress this enough. You do not want her to feel conned into marrying you. She will resent you no end.

Even if it's not reality that she can't stand the idea of a man wearing diapers, for stress relief, pleasure, whatever, she'll hate that you hid something from her, something she did have a right to know. Underline that. She does have a right to know that you are attracted to diapers before she marries you.

The only other thing I will say is that you're young. If this one gets cold feet, don't worry about it. Some girls will run, but most will keep signed on with a guy they're otherwise sure they want to marry.

But be careful here as well. You must tell the COMPLETE truth. It isn't enough that she knows that you like to wear diapers, if you're going to want her to wear them, or you're going to want her to diaper you, etc. Get it all out there. She may be fine with you wearing diapers when she's not around, but if you want her to see you diapered, or something that directly involves her, that's a completely different animal.

Get it all out there. Fetishes are incredibly powerful. Get her completely on board, and get proof. If you want to have sex with her in diapers, then make her prove that she's okay with it. Don't just take her word because at this stage you don't really need that from her. Trust me, you will eventually, if you ever thought you might.

My advice in a nutshell: Go for broke. Tell her EVERYTHING, and get the proof that she can really handle what you need. If she can, you'll probably stay happily married. If she can't, you'll likely have avoided a divorce.

[superdiaperbaby]

My wife diapered me last night and rubbed it all over and we made sweet love with my diaper half on. It was the best ever. You have no idea the great sex you can have with diapers. It is much better than alone. I made sure to tell her 3 months after I said I love you. I said it serious in an email and gave her an opportunity to leave me and I would have understood. I made her understand in the email that this is a part of me that since I was 6 I have enjoyed and is impossible to quit. I told her that my libido is tied into diapers. Diapers are like viagra to me. She took it in and realized that she loved me enough to accept it. That was when I knew we would get married. I was serious and honest about what turned me on. She also turns me on too. So diapers and sex are like having my cake and eating it too.

If you want to start a family, like we have started trying for, you need to be able to perform alot. Sex is important to any married couple, not just for kids but for release and total accepted pleasure with one another. If you do not come clean about what turns you on then you should not be getting married. She deserves to know. If you are meant to be husband and wife she will want to pleasure you as much as she possibly can because she loves you. If you tell her and she wants nothing to do with it and your pleasure, then that is a red flag. My wife didn't just jump into diapering me either. Our love has grown since we married. She started with just me wearing in bed and as she got more comfortable it evolved. It does take time to get that intimate, but diapers are between you and her. It is intimate and a sign of love and acceptance. So tell her and see what happens.

SDB

[babybuhbu25]

I told my wife about my diapers about a year into our relationship. Which is now over 9 years long (4 years married). While she might not be into diapers as much as I'd wish, it is still evoveling(sp). She changes me when I ask and most of the times that I am diapered leads to sex which is great.

My advice is to just take it slow, but must tell her before marriage.

[sarah_ab]

isn't he already married? as he has referred to her as his wife, not his fiance?

[palmd84]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It seems the consensus (100% of you) believe the best thing for me to do is tell her and sooner rather than later. Because of the type of relationship we have and our living arrangement when we live together there's absolutely no way I could hide this from her; I'd basically have to come clean to her about it or never wear a diaper again. It would be impossible to sneak anything as she is very involved in my life and doesn't have friends or family around here or any intention of going out (plus we live in a pretty small apartment). So we share basically everything, the DL thing is my last hold out because until now it wasn't difficult to hide (I just turned it off while she lived with me) and I've been too embarrassed to tell her.

The hardest part is figuring out how to bring it up in the first place at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. I do feel a deep shame for being a DL and this makes it even harder. It feels like a huge contradiction with who I am as opposed to a part of who I am. Outside of this world I'm a very hard working motivated individual; I tend to feel much of society is too materialist these days and there is far too much focus on sex, sports, and celebrity which will some day lead to our demise as opposed to working for a greater good. I'm also often quite serious or ideological and tend the prefer darkness over light maybe even with something of a gothic leaning (but my ex was a goth so that's a big no-no). But in this DL world I suddenly feel weak and immature; it's hard to believe I have this side that contradicts so much with who I usually am and who I truly long to be. My wife definitely introduced some sillyness into my life so I've adapted but the DL thing still feels like too much to swallow.

I'm pretty selfless in this relationship so I tend to sacrifice my interests at the expense of hers in many things. So I'm not too interested in her wearing a diaper herself or putting one on me unless she wanted to of her own initiative (I only get turned on by her getting turned on by stuff) but if I did keep this lifestyle it'd be hard to avoid her seeing me in a diaper regardless of her feeling about it; but we have made concessions in the past, particularly about food (we get urges for very different delicacies - I'm disgusted by hers and she is by mine).

[Guest dllightning]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It seems the consensus (100% of you) believe the best thing for me to do is tell her and sooner rather than later. Because of the type of relationship we have and our living arrangement when we live together there's absolutely no way I could hide this from her; I'd basically have to come clean to her about it or never wear a diaper again. It would be impossible to sneak anything as she is very involved in my life and doesn't have friends or family around here or any intention of going out (plus we live in a pretty small apartment). So we share basically everything, the DL thing is my last hold out because until now it wasn't difficult to hide (I just turned it off while she lived with me) and I've been too embarrassed to tell her.

The hardest part is figuring out how to bring it up in the first place at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. I do feel a deep shame for being a DL and this makes it even harder. It feels like a huge contradiction with who I am as opposed to a part of who I am. Outside of this world I'm a very hard working motivated individual; I tend to feel much of society is too materialist these days and there is far too much focus on sex, sports, and celebrity which will some day lead to our demise as opposed to working for a greater good. I'm also often quite serious or ideological and tend the prefer darkness over light maybe even with something of a gothic leaning (but my ex was a goth so that's a big no-no). But in this DL world I suddenly feel weak and immature; it's hard to believe I have this side that contradicts so much with who I usually am and who I truly long to be. My wife definitely introduced some sillyness into my life so I've adapted but the DL thing still feels like too much to swallow.

I'm pretty selfless in this relationship so I tend to sacrifice my interests at the expense of hers in many things. So I'm not too interested in her wearing a diaper herself or putting one on me unless she wanted to of her own initiative (I only get turned on by her getting turned on by stuff) but if I did keep this lifestyle it'd be hard to avoid her seeing me in a diaper regardless of her feeling about it; but we have made concessions in the past, particularly about food (we get urges for very different delicacies - I'm disgusted by hers and she is by mine).

So we seem to share alot... I am planning to tell my wife tomorrow, unless something crazy comes up. I am so sick of hiding this side of me from her. Your last paragraph is my heart to the T, except for the food thing. I will definitely post what happened. Props to you man- If she really loves you, this is a drop in the bucket.

And to the dude who had sex in a diaper last night-

*sigh* maybe someday...

[palmd84]

So we seem to share alot... I am planning to tell my wife tomorrow, unless something crazy comes up. I am so sick of hiding this side of me from her. Your last paragraph is my heart to the T, except for the food thing. I will definitely post what happened. Props to you man- If she really loves you, this is a drop in the bucket.

And to the dude who had sex in a diaper last night-

*sigh* maybe someday...

Nice to hear from another in my situation. The food thing was really just to say when all else fails we have been able to make compromises (food is very important to her); just a part of marriage.

But yeah, growing up as a DL is a hard fought journey. It can be hard enough to accept it on yourself let alone expect another to accept this side of you. I've been conflicted with it for years now. Good to hear you've decided to tell your wife. I do believe if a relationship is strong enough to enter marriage something like this really shouldn't make a difference.

Best of luck to you. It'd be nice to hear how things go with it; I'm still 3-4 months away (this is the sort of thing that must be said in person not phone or webcam) but seeing how well its worked out for others definitely instills a little more confidence in me.

[Baby Bethany]

Hey, just because you like to wear a diaper it doesn't mean you can't be a serious guy and a good partner......or that you're less of a man in some way.

I'm a regular boring old guy that likes sport, having a beer with my friends, goes to the gym, fixes the car and does work on my house, just like every other guy. I'm a husband, son, brother, boss and godfather. But I also like to dress as a baby girl now and again, it doesn't stop me getting on with the rest of my life though.

Trust me, most of us will probably like our own little quirk for the rest of our lives, so we may as well learn to enjoy it. Accepting ourselves is the hardest part, but once we do that the rest is easy. If we don't think it's a big problem, we can probably convince a partner of the same. But if we think we're sick or doing something to be ashamed of, they will probably agree.

Good luck to all of you.

Beth

[Toddler Pampers]

"Accepting ourselves is the hardest part, but once we do that the rest is easy. If we don't think it's a big problem, we can probably convince a partner of the same. But if we think we're sick or doing something to be ashamed of, they will probably agree."

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beth is right. Everybody, listen up. We're our own worst enemies. If you hem and haw with your gal, and say, well, maybe I am a pedophile like everybody thinks adult babies must be, and maybe I'm not much of a man because, well, men don't really like diapers, she'll run, guaranteed. But if you say to her, look, I'm into ageplay, and diapers in particular, and I don't see it as being any different than all the other kinks out there, you've got a chance. I'm not saying she's going to go for it just because you aren't going to let a diaper fetish be the most important thing about you. For her, it may well be the most important thing about you, and she may run faster than Usain Bolt. But you know what, when she does, you won't be devastated. And that's really the key, what happens when you get rejected. Do you fall apart, or just take it in stride, and move on to the next. Depends on one thing, and one thing only: Do you accept yourself, do you love yourself, do you refuse to let a little kink like a diaper fetish define you.

[sarah_ab]

i just feel i need to ad, acceptance is important no matter what you like and dont like to do in life.. but its also important to remember not to take this too seriously.. in that sense that.. adults wearing diapers and dressing up like babies for pleasure IS funny.

so if you tell someone and they giggle, or laugh, or smirk when they see you, this doesn't mean they dont accept it, it means they see the humour in the situation. Really, it IS silly, and part of acceptance is accepting all aspects of it.

If you take this too seriously you are never going to fully accept who you are.

[Mr. Sea Otter]

The hardest part is figuring out how to bring it up in the first place at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. I do feel a deep shame for being a DL and this makes it even harder. It feels like a huge contradiction with who I am as opposed to a part of who I am. Outside of this world I'm a very hard working motivated individual; I tend to feel much of society is too materialist these days and there is far too much focus on sex, sports, and celebrity which will some day lead to our demise as opposed to working for a greater good. I'm also often quite serious or ideological and tend the prefer darkness over light maybe even with something of a gothic leaning (but my ex was a goth so that's a big no-no). But in this DL world I suddenly feel weak and immature; it's hard to believe I have this side that contradicts so much with who I usually am and who I truly long to be. My wife definitely introduced some sillyness into my life so I've adapted but the DL thing still feels like too much to swallow.

I bet part of the reason you feel so "contradicted" is because you have these two sides to your personality that have never been allowed to interact.... you talk about "outside of this world I'm" and refer to the "DL world" as something where you are different. I'm not sure that is a good explanation.... what I am trying to say is that because you have such a distinct line between the two, you feel the way you do.

I for one am with everyone else.... tell her and tell her before you get married. I agree with others; she has a right to know. And I think more importantly, you have a right to share it with her and be accepted!!!

As for how to bring it up, well, you know her best. I am something of a fan of bringing it up somewhat causally, but in your instance that might be difficult. You might go the rout of sending her a letter and telling her that you have something you want to share. Regardless, at some point you will be telling her, and when you are, just be honest. Tell her how special she is to hear this, and how much you had to trust her to share it.

[curiositykilledthecat]

i just feel i need to ad, acceptance is important no matter what you like and dont like to do in life.. but its also important to remember not to take this too seriously.. in that sense that.. adults wearing diapers and dressing up like babies for pleasure IS funny.

so if you tell someone and they giggle, or laugh, or smirk when they see you, this doesn't mean they dont accept it, it means they see the humour in the situation. Really, it IS silly, and part of acceptance is accepting all aspects of it.

If you take this too seriously you are never going to fully accept who you are.

LOL, you know I often have to step back and anaylze the fetish and go, "What the hell?"

Acceptance is nice, however again don't take yourself so seriously. As the saying goes, "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die"

[palmd84]

Yeah, I suspect regardless of how serious I try to be with her when I finally tell her the truth the situation will evolve into silliness. Also she doesn't speak English as a first language which will make explaining to her all the more complicated. She speaks English well but since she's only had limited exposure to fetishes no matter what I do and regardless of how it sounds to me it would probably sound hilarious to her.

Good idea about taking the angle that she is very special to me to know this (she'd be the only person that personally knows I'm a DL); I guess in a way it could kind of give her power over me but I don't really care because our relationship is built on a solid committment. We've had to endure many months apart from each other which has just been painful but it has strenthened our relationship in many ways. I mean she always says to me she loves me for all my imperfections and "will fight to make sure nothing drives us apart when we stay together".

I've thought about writing a letter or telling her over the web cam but it just feels like something that has to be done in person. It is the type of thing that prevokes follow-up questions, examples, etc. Plus she still lives with her parents and I wouldn't want to put her in the awkward position of having to keep such an unusual secret as soon as she walks out of her bedroom door and spending most of her time around people who definitely should NOT know. Although I sometimes do wish I had told her on one of our previous summers before we got married but we can't change the past.

[Baby Bethany]

Hey, laughing is a good thing. My wife laughed about it back then and we both laugh about it now, sometimes we even start laughing during ageplay.

Tis better to laugh than cry!!

Beth

[curiositykilledthecat]

Just pictured a hot brazillian super model for some reason.

[palmd84]

Just pictured a hot brazillian super model for some reason.

HaHa, almost but think South-East Asian. She's tall, thin and beautiful but very self-conscious. All her friends thought she should go into modeling but she's sticking with her education and I really respect her for that.

[curiositykilledthecat]

You had me at east asian.