New Game........dear Auntie

[curiositykilledthecat]

Dear Leafy

Auntie is proud that you have discovered your addiction, however Auntie fears you have not gone far enough. May I suggest taking a retreat to Amsterdam to enjoy the finer side of canabis ingestion. May I also suggest checking out the sex museum whilst there. Nothing compliments a big old slice of alien cake like a pair of double D's set in plaster of Paris.

Love Auntie

[underwhere]

Dear Auntie,

According to the bible, the world was created in its entirety in 6 days, but according to the theory of evolution, it had to have taken much longer than that to create the world in a form similar to what it is at the present day. I'm very confused and want to know the truth of the matter. Can you please enlighten me?

Very Confused

[freswith]

Dear Very Confused,

I'm sorry, I really can't remember how long it took me as nobody had created clocks or calendars then. I do remember having great problems with the builders not turning up, so it might have taken much longer than six days. I do remember the Sunday, though, because I went to Disneyland that day.

Yours,

Yahweh

[babyvr6]

Yahweh,

I have many questions for you but I'll ask only the three that really bother me. First, why are there so many inconsistencies in your texts that you claim to have written? Second why does your personality constantly is opposition to your claim that you are omnipotent? third, If indeed you are omnipotent, why would you create a race of people only to condemn 99% of them to hell when, because you are omnipotent, you knew full well that they wouldn't accept you as god when you created them? All of these situations lead me to believe that either your not omnipotent or you are malicious, or that you are a figment of the imagination of a primitive man created to explain things that he could easily do so himself. Please explain yourself to me, for I wish to understand.

Yours truly,

Studied the bible, now doesn't believe in god.

[babykeiff]

Yahweh,

I have many questions for you but I'll ask only the three that really bother me. First, why are there so many inconsistencies in your texts that you claim to have written? Second why does your personality constantly is opposition to your claim that you are omnipotent? third, If indeed you are omnipotent, why would you create a race of people only to condemn 99% of them to hell when, because you are omnipotent, you knew full well that they wouldn't accept you as god when you created them? All of these situations lead me to believe that either your not omnipotent or you are malicious, or that you are a figment of the imagination of a primitive man created to explain things that he could easily do so himself. Please explain yourself to me, for I wish to understand.

Yours truly,

Studied the bible, now doesn't believe in god.

Dear 'Studied the bible, now doesn't believe in god.',

in answer to your first question, the bible was written by men and not by god, adn it is human interpertation that is incorrect. Since humans are flawed, it is only logical that the product of their labour be flawed. Secondly, since you are a member of the human race, it is currently not possible to, due to your flawed nature, to fully explain in a way that you can comprehend the reasons for the anomilities you perceive. Yes, you are correct, with limited thinking, all humans following predefined rules, cannot accept fully

a superior being. That is why the gift of free-will is so important. The freedom to chose your own destiny. Yes, it is possible that a superiour being could be a construed as a figment of the imagination - but answer this one, who gave humans the freedom to have imagination. Do animals imagine a better place / positon within their race, or do they act from inherited / taught survival instincts?

Organised religion tends to remove 'free will'. Please excercise your free will / choice fully so you can examine, understand and gain from both the faults and benifits of any teachings, and chose what is best for you, and your belief.

[freswith]

Dear Mankind,

I've been misquoted! The original and genuine instructions are still there, under a nice big paperweight at Giza, Egypt. Just read them will you!

And for your own sakes, look after my blessed dodos. They are much beloved to me, and I would be very, very angry if anything bad happened to them.

Your loving God,

Yahweh

[babykeiff]

Dear Yahweh,

how do we know that your letter is from you, and not the ravings of a lunatic frog, who has dried up in the sun?

If you really designed the world, and all that is in it, why design a bird (the dodo) that has no sense of self preservation?

sincerely,

Mankind

[freswith]

Dear Mankind,

The Frog is my one true prophet and has been sent to announce the end of the world. Now please form a nice orderly queue for judgement, and have your dodos ready for inspection.

Anyone who wishes to discuss my design capabilities should talk to my lawyer, Mr Lucifer.

If you still doubt that I have a sense of humour I merely ask you to consider the act of sexual intercourse as performed by humans; I designed that, and you have yet to see the funny side of it.

Indifferently yours,

Yahweh

[babyvr6]

Dear Yahweh,

Please stop watching me have sex.

Yours truly,

Mankind

[babykeiff]

Dear Mankind,

please stop having sex

sincerely,

Yahweh

[babyvr6]

Yahweh,

Mind your own business.

Mankind

[babykeiff]

Mankind,

it IS my business, and if you don't stop, I will give you offspring that forever will be babies

Yahweh

[freswith]

Dear Yahweh

Nice of you to get back in touch. I hope you slept well.

I accept that you created this universe, by whatever method, but what I want to know is WHY did you do it?

Yours,

Mankind

[babykeiff]

Dear Mankind,

I done it cause I was bored, and for a laugh

yours,

Yahweh

[babyvr6]

Yahweh,

Why must you meddle with our species only for your enjoyment? Are you some sort of sadist?

Mankind

[babykeiff]

Dear Mankind,

I do NOT meddle, I create

Yahweh

[freswith]

Dear Yahweh

If we are made in your image, then you match our image.

So why do you need legs, then?

Mankind

[Juliabam]

Dear Yahweh

If we are made in your image, then you match our image.

So why do you need legs, then?

Mankind

Dear Mankind

Who said I need them, isn't it allowed to have something just for the fun of it if you can get it ?

And by the way please call me Joe, Yahwee sounds so formal and it also sounds like you're about to fall asleep when you say it.

Joe

[freswith]

Dear Joe,

Why do we all want to talk to you on Sundays, when we know it's your day off?

Mankind

[Juliabam]

Dear Joe,

Why do we all want to talk to you on Sundays, when we know it's your day off?

Mankind

Dear Mankind,

I honestly believe I created you wiser than that, but anyways, if you need an answer then.. Because, on my day off, you might be lucky to actually reach me and get an answer back, on my busy days, I will just let an angel answer..

The same goes for you I tyrust.. You mother and friends don't call you at your work becase they know you're busy, but once you get home in the evening evrybody wants to talk to you, because they know you have the time for it..

Joe

[babykeiff]

Dear Joe / Yahew

why do you wish to be refered to as 'Joe'. Was that not your father's name while on earth? Also, i fyou state Joe, is that confirmation that you are male - or is it that you are TG and havent desided what gender to be?

sincerely,

Mankind

[freswith]

Dear Mankind,

I am all things to all men, Alpha and Omega, Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Josephine is my female part. (I tried to use it to get through to that Bonaparti fellow, but he never had time for me. The results speak for themselves.)

Mind you, it gets a bit much even for me, so I have to delegate. You will be familiar with my various department heads, especially those in HR, and will doubtless meet my Head of Security, St Peter, in due course. You may soon be encountering my master of music, Gabriel. I understand he has a solo trumpet rendition booked for you quite soon.

If you are still dissatisfied you have the right to complain to Mr Lucifer, who runs our legal department and handles all complaints, but I must warn you, he is a very busy fellow.

Pip pip! - and don't forget to feed my lovely dodos,

Your loving Father,

Yahweh

(Yahweh & Son, Heaven. All contents of this post are strictly confidential and disclosure may result in eternal damnation.)

[subbaby]

Dear Auntie,

my wife has decided to me back into baby diapers and bonnets and ive accepted that but now she is going enema crazy and giving me enemas every few hours ts getting annoying what can i do?

Baby boy

[Juliabam]

Dear Auntie,

my wife has decided to me back into baby diapers and bonnets and ive accepted that but now she is going enema crazy and giving me enemas every few hours ts getting annoying what can i do?

Baby boy

Dear Baby boy,

You can do nothing but take what comes, remember to eat lots of fibre and drink lots of fluids. Your wife is not doing this to annoy you, only to take care of your wellbeing. A good cleanse now and then, internal as well as external, is essential for for a healthy body, and it seems your wife is well informed about that.

If you want her to treat you diferently, then don't act in any way that may give her the impression that you need the ongoing treatment.

Kiss and hugs,

Auntie

[freswith]

Dear Auntie,

my wife has decided to me back into baby diapers and bonnets and ive accepted that but now she is going enema crazy and giving me enemas every few hours ts getting annoying what can i do?

Baby boy

Dear Baby Boy

Just go with the flow.

Auntie Freswith