Corrupt-a-wish

[Juliabam]

Granted, you now have a 6-pack abs (Acrylonitrile-Butadiene-Styrene (Terpolymer)) I wonder why you need all that plastic.

I wish that Pedro Adveros Cabral never became a doctor.

Granted he never became a doctor, so now he practice without a licence, and when you're brought into hospital with an infected appendix he is the one who operates you. When you wake up, you first think you've been transplanted into another body, but when the 'doctor' says to you that he had done a mistake, you slowly realize what happened. He was a bit drunk, and thought he was supposed to practice on a dead pig, so he did a gender reassignment operation on you, when he finally realized the error he tried to undo the whole thing by sowing up the new vagina he had created on you, and attaching an index finger from a recently deceased dictator where the penis used to be. The new breasts he had created on you where too expensive to just pull out again, so he joined them together so they ended up looking like just another giant fold of fat covering your entire chest. He does ofcourse offer to remove it for a relatively low fee compared to ordinary prices.

I wish you have the money to have the fold removed or learn to accept your new rather special look, and that your new finger won't point too much too often...

[freswith]

Granted. Babykieff manages to restore most of his body from the ravages which Julia's personal physician wrought on it. Unfortunately the moving finger writes, and having writ moves on, and full restoration is impossible.

I hope that doctor wasn't the one who treated Jula's ingrowing toenail so disastrously.

[Juliabam]

Granted. Babykieff manages to restore most of his body from the ravages which Julia's personal physician wrought on it. Unfortunately the moving finger writes, and having writ moves on, and full restoration is impossible.

I hope that doctor wasn't the one who treated Jula's ingrowing toenail so disastrously.

Granted, he didn't treat Julias ingrowing toenail because Julias toenails fall off so often because of the poor bloodsupply to the feet, that they have a hard time keeping up growing out and have no time to grow in.

I hope Freswith won't notice the toenails in the soup I served him!

[freswith]

Granted. Lovely soup! But my food-taster is looking pale. It reminded me of the soup we used to make from the little primates that shared our trees on Arcturus III. That was before we ate the last of them. There are lots of tasty primates around St James Park. Delicious!

I wish Julia an improved circulation and a better cookbook.

[babyvr6]

Granted she now has great circulation. Unfortunately now she can't get her erection to go away, and her new cookbook is titled "100 and 1 way to cook a frog".\

I wish for some good frog legs to eat.

[acemanner]

*hands week old frogs legs from deli down the road*

I wish I had my purpose.

[babyvr6]

Granted your purpose is to look for a new purpose not related to not looking for a purpose.

I wish for a porpoise

[acemanner]

Hands porpoise with a firecracker stuck up its booty*

I wish there wasen't so much ignorance and hate in the world.

[babykeiff]

Granted - the Yin and Yang are now perfectly balanced, and everyone is tolerant and caring about each other and their needs - this results in a financial collapse of the worlds economy, but everyone is too mellow to notice or care. Eventually, everyone starves since no one can afford to produce food etc.

I wish that the age gene could be reversed.

[Juliabam]

Hands porpoise with a firecracker stuck up its booty*

I wish there wasen't so much ignorance and hate in the world.

Granted in the world all pee ple now love each other after having taken a survival crash love in the desert course all together (I never knew we had such large deserts in the world). But unfortunately right before we all learned to love each other, your country had deported you to Arcturus which is ruled bu large mother freaking treeliving frogs who genereally hate humans for what especially french cooking have done to their earthly relatives. So while the rest of us live a life in happiness and joy all togehter, you'll be condemned to an arcturan slavecamp where you will have to sleep in almost boiling oil, and live from dirty smelly water and waste dumped in it.

I wish Arcturus will deport acemanner back to earth!

[freswith]

Granted. Arcturus deports Acemanner back to Earth, decalred persona non grata. He is found to be too lazy to work, too stupid for conversation, too perverted for breeding, and too skinny to be edible.

I wish I could have a holiday back home on Arcturus III.

[Dougie]

Granted - You get back the holiday but you can only take it on the 6th Tuesday of the next month.

I wish I would no longer wet the bed.

[babykeiff]

Granted - you no longer wet the bed, you instead wet diapers 24/7

I wish that weekends were longer than the week

[Juliabam]

Granted - you no longer wet the bed, you instead wet diapers 24/7

I wish that weekends were longer than the week

Granted weekends are now 5 days long and weeks are 2 days long, to stay effective world decides to only work in weekends and let weeks mark the end of each weekend. Soon pee ple decide to call weeks weekendends and over time modern language specialists finds out that if you remove the end from the end of each of the 2 words , it will all actually make much more sence and save tons of ink and wood for paper in the saved letters written.

I wish the language specialists will find out about the end before it's the end of the rainforest.

[ultrapampers]

Granted: The language specialists find out about the end, but the paper companies conspire to have them assassinated and then recycled into newsprint.

I wish the bug that just flew into the closet would come out so I could feed it to the writing spider outside.

[Dougie]

Granted: The bug flew out and right into the spider's web, because your closet has a poltergeist in it.

I wish everyone would just get along.

[acemanner]

Granted, everyone gets along. Were now all pot-smoking hippies. But were too lazy to do anything now, and were out of munchies. So we all crash and stop caring about well , everything.

I wish we diden't require sleep.

[Dougie]

Granted - You no longer require sleep because you have a non-stop case of diarrhea and you find youself confined to the toilet.

I wish my motorcycle could fly.

[freswith]

Granted. Your motorcycle flies. Unfortunately the greater part of flying is the return to earth, as Evel Kneval finally realised. Your lovely motorcycle is a heap of scrap and you are well plastered.

I hope Dougie learns to fly before the earth hits him.

[Dougie]

Granted: Dougie takes flying lessons before take off, but fails the final exam and doesn't get to ride his flying motorcycles. Damn, did I just ground myself?

I wish I didn't ground myself so I can still ride motorcycles.

[underwhere]

Granted: You didn't ground yourself. In a rebellious manner, you decided to fly anyway, even having failed your flying lesson final exam. However, there is a darn good reason you failed that exam, and that becomes very quickly apparent as your flying motorcycle disintegrates in mid air, and your escape parachute, which was supposed to be a safety mechanism in the design, was never installed. As a result, you crash, head first, into a swamp filled with freswith's identical twins, all of whom are twice as nasty and evil as freswith.

I wish that freswith would realize that Juliabam was just a giant housefly and eat her up already.

[freswith]

Granted, but alas Freswith is actually a gentlefrog who would never do such a thing to a lady.

I wish Julia wasn't such a lady.

[Dougie]

Granted: She is not a talking horse.

I wish my dogs could tell me what they're thinking.

[freswith]

Granted. Your dogs tell you exactly what they are thinking, and you rush out to buy a case of carbolic soap.

I hope Dougie manages to cure his personal problem before the dogs get to him.

[Dougie]

Granted: Dougie find a cure, but it is death so he continues to exist with his personal problem.

I wish Julia was no longer a talking horse.