Q&a Dl

[NewdudeDL]

Hey all. I just joined up a few days ago and introduced myself in the newbie section.

I've had an intense love/hate relationship with my DL side since I was in High School, sometimes to the point where I thought I was so frakked up I wanted to hurt myself. When my parents found out my Junior year after discovering a journal I wrote, they had one long chat with them about how they love me, don't want me to hurt myself, then took me to a shrink to try and "fix" this problem. Well, at least the shrink knew better than to try, so we spent one session discussing it and then spent the rest of the sessions discussing day-to-day matters.

Long story short, after I had some more intense troubles over the summer, I've decided to try and end the vicious circle.

I can't make this side of me go away, so I figure I might as well find a middle ground. Problem is, it's been drilled into my skull that any sexual desire outside of having a child will turn me into a freak/psycho, at which point I'll be shunned by my family and friends, then probably committed.

Yeah, great support branch out here.

At any rate, I found this board a few weeks ago and I've found an equal amount of stuff that makes me feel better about myself and an equal amount that shocks me a bit.

So I guess I'm looking for someone who's been in my shoes (or close to them) to tell me how the end-game works out. How do I integrate my DL side so that I can be a "normal" (And I use the word "normal" knowing that no one truly is) person, get a "normal" girlfriend and live a "normal" life?

I hope I'm not coming across as a drama king, but my instincts tell me this is the right thing for me to do. Like I said, I'm just looking for anyone who's had a similar experience to tell me how this game plays out.

P.S. If this is the wrong place for a question like this, let me know and I'll move it/take it down.

[DL88]

Hey all. I just joined up a few days ago and introduced myself in the newbie section.

I've had an intense love/hate relationship with my DL side since I was in High School, sometimes to the point where I thought I was so frakked up I wanted to hurt myself. When my parents found out my Junior year after discovering a journal I wrote, they had one long chat with them about how they love me, don't want me to hurt myself, then took me to a shrink to try and "fix" this problem. Well, at least the shrink knew better than to try, so we spent one session discussing it and then spent the rest of the sessions discussing day-to-day matters.

Long story short, after I had some more intense troubles over the summer, I've decided to try and end the vicious circle.

I can't make this side of me go away, so I figure I might as well find a middle ground. Problem is, it's been drilled into my skull that any sexual desire outside of having a child will turn me into a freak/psycho, at which point I'll be shunned by my family and friends, then probably committed.

Yeah, great support branch out here.

At any rate, I found this board a few weeks ago and I've found an equal amount of stuff that makes me feel better about myself and an equal amount that shocks me a bit.

So I guess I'm looking for someone who's been in my shoes (or close to them) to tell me how the end-game works out. How do I integrate my DL side so that I can be a "normal" (And I use the word "normal" knowing that no one truly is) person, get a "normal" girlfriend and live a "normal" life?

I hope I'm not coming across as a drama king, but my instincts tell me this is the right thing for me to do. Like I said, I'm just looking for anyone who's had a similar experience to tell me how this game plays out.

P.S. If this is the wrong place for a question like this, let me know and I'll move it/take it down.

Hey Newdude great post. I also have been in your shoes; I wouldn't cut or anything but I would hit myself, jump off of high places, and give myself bloody noses. My Mom did a great job raising me and supported me through everything and has really been the only person in my life that has given a damn about me. She is staunch conservative politically and is a very traditionalist socially so, as the same with your parents, I was drilled with the, "sex other than for procreation is wrong and disgusting."

It took me a good while to finally accept my DL side, however, when I did, I have never been happier since. I learned that you need to experience life for yourself and make your own decision about things. Many people live off of what their parents think without question or are stuck with the lingering stigma of their parent's choices. Note that the majority of jaded people are not who you think it is, infact it is quite the opposite. What I mean by this, in one example, people that aren't religious generally don't expose their kids to religion while religious people will allow their kids to choose what they want to do later in life.

What it boils down to is you gotta make your own decision about what you want to believe in, in this world. Accepting yourself comes first and foremost though and that means exploring your diaper wearing. It might feel "wrong" but at the same time you have this feeling that it isn't so wrong. I remember for the longest time I would constantly think to myself "What would your grandparents think." They are dead and I believe in an afterlife so that is where that stemmed from. Eventually I learned that if people around you truely love you none of it matters and if your grandparents are dead and if they are looking down on you. they can eighter accept it or not, it shouldn't matter anyways.

As for the "normal" girl. Most women are pretty open to different things, however, alot of them could find it gross. I would suggest not letting her know about you being a DL until the relationship has gone somewhere. I personally am a person that typically likes to wait to get in the sack for atleast a couple months so there is plenty of time to get to know eachother first. Then when the time comes I personally feel it would be important to let her know before we do anything incase she did find it gross and wanted to leave. That way it would be fair to her and neighter of you did anything you might regret.

Essentially the choice is yours but I do hope my post helped you out a bit.

Take it easy

[Vic]

Many, many people on this forum have been in your shoes. It really comes down to finding a balance in life. You have to accept this side of you that you know is never going to go away, yet keep it on the down low, so that it is NOT common knowledge (at least as most of us here do). Life is a series of choices, you're on your own now, and only YOU can decide what is best for you. You CAN find a middle ground.

I live with a roomate (yes roomate, I pay rent and such, but I also am raising her son, as she is working while he is home except for the two days of the week she has off). He has no idea of my liking for diapers, and I keep it that way. I help him with his school work, cook him meals and get him to bed on time, we're the best of friends.

While I have a very strong belief in God, I am anti-religion, but when he goes to his aunts house he attends church with them. I don't say anything about going to church, as that is something only HE can decide. Life is about compromise, you have to go half way with the whole world, as everything just doesn't come your way. So when you're in your own place you get to pick and choose those times when you indulge.

During the day, while he is at school and his mom is sleeping I indulge my diaper side, but everything is "normal" when he's home. That's just the way I like to keep it. So you see, it can be done. I've gone through the "binge and purge" cycle that many on here have, and that only adds up to a lot of wasted money. The best way is to find the balance where you can keep this as a "personal" pleasure of yours, and most don't know about it.

My family know, and to them it's no big deal, I've let my inner ring of friends know, and they don't care. Of course I believe it is better to have one or two good friends than a bunch of fair weather friends. The people that know of this about me are my family, whether by blood or not, their true friends whom I've had for years and years.

About dating, go ahead date, just don't tell them about this unless you're sure of two things 1) that this is truly a relationship that is going somewhere, and 2) that you're really sure that they have a fairly open mind. I wouldn't go to bed with them before I told them, that's just me. When you're having sex with someone your little head can convince the big head of many things that might not be true.

You might read into it more than what is really there. It might be best for you to go ahead and date and have sex, but keeping in mind that you're not in the market for "the one" but simply enjoying playing the field. If you're having sex with a girl, and have been dating for a couple of months, then they expect that the relationship is pretty clearly laid out. When you bring the subject up, it could really throw them a curve, and may well piss them off royally.

If that happened they might tell just about everybody you know. Where if you're dating and both of you have had strong feelings for each other for quite awhile and you're ready to take that step, they'll probably be more receptive of that.

You do however, want to be seeing this girl for some time, where you both know that you would like the relationship to move to the next level, and when you do tell her, don't explain it like it's something icky, gross, or perverted. Talk to her, let her know that this is a part of you that you've never shared with anyone, and you feel that you really care for her and want to be with her, but that you can't lie to her about it by not letting her know about your DL side. If you're open and honest as you can be she may be more receptive to you.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Peace,

Vic

[Morv]

First, I'll address your concern at being a freak/psycho. Think for a few seconds about people you consider to be freaks/psychos. Now remove the ones that hurt people (criminals). Now remove any of them that you are classifying because of their looks. My guess is that the ones you have left are probably some very interesting people, worth knowing, and of great value, in one way or another, to those around them. This interest is not going to turn you into a murder, or make you go psychotic.

Your family can't commit you for a fetish. Be comfortable with who you are and be respectful of the people and world around you. Your interest in diapers is only a problem when it interferes with you normally living your life, which, if you have hurt yourself or avoid healthy relationships, it is currently. If you have been conditioned to believe that an activity is "wrong" despite it not causing harm to anyone, you should carefully consider whether your paradigm needs adjustment, or whether the activity truly deserves to be labeled as "wrong."

Dealing with it and finding a happy medium is hard. Some people indulge small amounts on a regular basis. Some indulge in streaks, often binge/purge cycles. Some make diaper/ab play an activity for rare occasions. The following questions need to be analyzed to determine what might work for you:

How often do you feel the desire to wear diapers (or whatever other activities your interest manifests in)? This should be a guide for finding some sort of happy medium. Is your desire less if you've worn recently? Or does it diminish after being away from diapers for a while? What is your living/financial situation like? Is someone observing your money? Or you?

As for the girlfriend, you can try to find a girlfriend among those into diapers.... which has a low, low success rate. Or you can try to find a girlfriend based on compatability, and hope she's cool with the diapers. Before you spring that on someone, you need to know her well. Do it too soon, and you can scare her off. Do it to late, and you may have betrayed her trust. The approach I took was to tell my girlfriend early on that I had a few outlandish sexual interests, but that I wasn't comfortable sharing them yet, but that I would if she gave me time and didn't pressure me about it. I reassured her that they didn't hurt anyone, physically or mentally, and that they weren't bestiality or being a pedophile.

This approach has the bonus of telling you if you are dating someone who respects your privacy and your emotional comfort/well being. If she continually asks questions, and you inform her that the constant asking is making it even harder, and she continues... you've got someone that out of either being inconsiderate or being immature can't manage to respect your boundaries. This should be a red flag.

The more outlandish your girlfriend's sexual interests, the more likely she is to accept yours. If you find you're dating a girl who likes being tied up, spanked, wear a leash, and occasionally likes being forced to wear a buttplug all day, well, she'd be more likely to be cool with a diaper interest, than, say, a girl who is disturbed by an position other than missionary, and that sex means the lights have to be off.

I could give a long ramble about self esteem, self image, and dependency here... but I shan't.

The bottom line is that there's nothing wrong with you. You just like to wear diapers (or see girls in them, or whatever), and that's not anywhere near average, so, ya know what, people don't know how to react.... so many react with confusion, disgust, or avoidance. Other people's reactions don't make you a bad person, or even mean you're doing something wrong.

[lynniehyde]

All I can tell you from my some 50 years of experience with this condition is:

1. Find your balance. Whether your desired commitment is 24/7, or casual involvement.

2. Know that this is something that will never leave you.

3. Pick your opportunities when you can indulge yourself and try not to spend too much money in

doing so. That is, if you are still caught up in the dread "binge-purge" syndrome. When you throw it all away, trying to cast off this tiger, you will only find yourself regretting your actions. Three days after. Three months, three years. My usual time limit, was three months. Then it started all over again and the more it happened, the more I realized that resistance was hopeless. I finally accepted the reality that this is who and what I am.

4. Also know that you have many friends out here, who have gone through the very same situations. You have a support group here. There are also other websites where you can find advo and support on the net. But, DD is the best one I've found. Keep posting.

5. Human nature is a funny thing. They say (whomever "they" are ), that for every man there is a woman. And, vice-versa. Unfortunately for us, this caveat may not ring true. There are a few lucky souls who have managed to find that one-in-a-million relationship. The one thing that separates them from the have-nots, is their openess and honesty about their condition. You will never find a lasting AB/DL relationship by keeping your desires secret. This only foments fear, mistrust and guilt, which sabotages any hope of having a lasting relationship with your SO.

6. Have fun with this. Chances are, if you're having fun with it, you'll find others who will too. Even if it's just on a friendship level. From there on, it's up to you.

Good luck. Best wishes.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[Brudda Voodu]

All I can tell you from my some 50 years of experience with this condition is:

1. Find your balance. Whether your desired commitment is 24/7, or casual involvement.

2. Know that this is something that will never leave you.

3. Pick your opportunities when you can indulge yourself and try not to spend too much money in

doing so. That is, if you are still caught up in the dread "binge-purge" syndrome. When you throw it all away, trying to cast off this tiger, you will only find yourself regretting your actions. Three days after. Three months, three years. My usual time limit, was three months. Then it started all over again and the more it happened, the more I realized that resistance was hopeless. I finally accepted the reality that this is who and what I am.

4. Also know that you have are many friends out here, who have gone through the very same situations. You have a support group here. There are also other websites where you can find advo and support on the net. But, DD is the best one I've found. Keep posting.

5. Human nature is a funny thing. They say (whomever "they" are ), that for every man there is a woman. And, vice-versa. Unfortunately for us, this caveat may not ring true. There are a few lucky souls who have managed to find that one-in-a-million relationship. The one thing that separates them from the have-nots, is their openess and honesty about their condition. You will never find a lasting AB/DL relationship by keeping your desires secret. This only foments fear, mistrust and guilt, which sabotages any hope of having a lasting relationship with your SO.

6. Have fun with this. Chances are, if you're having fun with it, you'll find others who will too. Even if it's just on a friendship level. From there on, it's up to you.

Good luck. Best wishes.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

This has to be the best point form summary of how to deal with all this I have ever seen. Well said Lynnniehyde, goes to show that wisdom does come with experience.

[NewdudeDL]

I appreciate the advice from ya'll, and I'm glad to know my situation isn't all that rare. It means a lot to me, and it's helped a lot too. My best friend (who is the only person outside my family who knows about this) told me to take this thing very slowly, and that everyone has something that they find "kinky" so I'm not exactly weird, and that it's kind of important I explore this side of me for future relationships. To that end, I ordered my first online shipment of diapers today, and am looking at my budget to see if I can make room for cloth (every penny counts in college these days). Add to this that my new room-mates are all a little off-beat in their own ways, they probably wouldn't be upset if they found out about them. More like "Whatever dude."

But yeah, thanks to all of ya for the words of wisdom. If anyone has any other tips or anything, please share them.

Blast, time flies. Gotta head down to the gym.

\m/ Rock on \m/

[DavidMW]

I remember for the longest time I would constantly think to myself "What would your grandparents think." They are dead and I believe in an afterlife so that is where that stemmed from. Eventually I learned that if people around you truely love you none of it matters and if your grandparents are dead and if they are looking down on you. they can eighter accept it or not, it shouldn't matter anyways.

Off topic, but this was something I wondered about before I decided that I didn't believe in an afterlife.

From masturbation and sex, to going to the bathroom, to picking noses or scratching pits without washing hands before fixing dinner, I think there are plenty of things that mortals would not want their deceased loved ones watching. And I suspect that the immortals - if they exist - would get pretty grossed out when looking down on their loved ones. Hearing that grandpa is watching over us may be comforting words at his funeral, but it's probably not something that most mortals would want to be reminded of after they got home and hit the bathroom.

[Baby Bethany]

Off topic, but this was something I wondered about before I decided that I didn't believe in an afterlife.

From masturbation and sex, to going to the bathroom, to picking noses or scratching pits without washing hands before fixing dinner, I think there are plenty of things that mortals would not want their deceased loved ones watching. And I suspect that the immortals - if they exist - would get pretty grossed out when looking down on their loved ones. Hearing that grandpa is watching over us may be comforting words at his funeral, but it's probably not something that most mortals would want to be reminded of after they got home and hit the bathroom.

Afterlife or no afterlife, most of us have done or will do far worse things than wearing a diaper.

For those of us with a medical need wearing a diaper is no more shameful than taking a pain killer for your headache. For those of us who do it to relax it is no more shameful than listening to soothing music. For those of us who do it for sexual arousal it is no more shameful than looking at Playboy.

It's just something you like.

Beth

[DL88]

Off topic, but this was something I wondered about before I decided that I didn't believe in an afterlife.

From masturbation and sex, to going to the bathroom, to picking noses or scratching pits without washing hands before fixing dinner, I think there are plenty of things that mortals would not want their deceased loved ones watching. And I suspect that the immortals - if they exist - would get pretty grossed out when looking down on their loved ones. Hearing that grandpa is watching over us may be comforting words at his funeral, but it's probably not something that most mortals would want to be reminded of after they got home and hit the bathroom.

At what point did I say I enjoyed thinking like that, also, at what point did you feel that it was necessary to type up a post that is directly making a mockery of my beliefs when there is absolutely no reason to do so? See, for those of you that read those posts where I am in the middle of a heated discussion, it is posts like these that make me start up. I post simply trying to offer help and/or support to someone and some other person decides out of the blue they are going to launch a personal attack. Feel free to voice your personal belief but don't attack others for no reason, that is an example of a pure lack of etiquette both on and off of the boards.

[PampersPete]

At what point did I say I enjoyed thinking like that, also, at what point did you feel that it was necessary to type up a post that is directly making a mockery of my beliefs when there is absolutely no reason to do so? See, for those of you that read those posts where I am in the middle of a heated discussion, it is posts like these that make me start up. I post simply trying to offer help and/or support to someone and some other person decides out of the blue they are going to launch a personal attack. Feel free to voice your personal belief but don't attack others for no reason, that is an example of a pure lack of etiquette both on and off of the boards.

Lay off the crackpipe for awhile 88....you're getting quite delusional.....

[DL88]

Lay off the crackpipe for awhile 88....you're getting quite delusional.....

Its painkillers and if I do I get cold!

[PampersPete]

Its painkillers and if I do I get cold!

I simply meant I think you're being paranoid. It's nice to see you DO have a sense of humor though.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Welcome to the forum, I just have two quips of reccomendation.

1.) Do all things in moderation

2.) What you do in life is between you and your Creator, don't worry about what others think.

Others have already hit ti on the head, a fetish becomes a mental disorder if and only if it interferes with everyday life. Enjoy yourself and relax, if something feels wrong then don';t do it, honor your convictions, but make sure they are your own.

[DL88]

Welcome to the forum, I just have two quips of reccomendation.

1.) Do all things in moderation

2.) What you do in life is between you and your Creator, don't worry about what others think.

Others have already hit ti on the head, a fetish becomes a mental disorder if and only if it interferes with everyday life. Enjoy yourself and relax, if something feels wrong then don';t do it, honor your convictions, but make sure they are your own.

Well said curiosity!

[NewdudeDL]

Figured I'd post an update for anyone interested. A few things have happened since I posted this topic a few months ago, both good and bad.

The bad: I fell back into the "binge & purge" about a month ago, when I started to hit a new low. When the low hit, I tried something drastic and started cutting. Long story short, it didn't fix the problem and I'm still a DL. (though my mom might've been kind of proud if she knew I bought hydrogen peroxide and band-aids with the razors)

The good: One of my professors noticed my arm after I started cutting. He directed me to an on-campus shrink who sees any students for free and for once I was glad for the outrageous tuition I pay. Since she said from the start that everything I told her was confidential, I told her the whole story. She was very supportive and gave plenty of advice. Best part of the whole thing was when she shared that, just like I shouldn't let wearing diapers influence anything outside my dorm, she wouldn't let her husband wear high-heels outside the bedroom . She suggested trying to change the way I see diapers; like a security blanket rather than a fixation. Also suggested that I pick up a new hobby like collecting things. Don't know what yet, but whatever I decide on, it'll have to be relatively cheap.

Since then I threw out the razors I used (but kept the peroxide and band-aids; never know when an accident'll happen) and have taken to looking at my diapers as more of a security blanket, which has helped a ton (a lot easier than I thought it'd be for some reason...).

There was one other suggestion she offered after I told her about how supportive you guys (and gals) have been. She said that I should continue going to this board for support onlyif I felt like I needed to get advice, which I think I will follow (her reason being "You never know who you're talking too.." which isn't bad logic in my book). I haven't been too active here anyway so not much of a difference there.

I'll be gone for about a month on break, so I won't be responding to any posts until mid-January.

Just gotta say thanks again to the people who posted/pm'd me before. I know that if you hadn't, I'd probably be a lot worse off.

P.S. Any future updates will be posted on my blog for any interested. I'm done using the general forum for my own personal drama/conflicts.

P.P.S. Turned 21 three days ago. Vodka + Orange Juice = AWESOME

[curiositykilledthecat]

I tried to cut myself once but the spoon wasn't sharp enough.

Jokes aside, bro do not let yourself get wound up so tight over this fetish. I've never been one to inflict pain upon myself but for a while and every so often I rack my brain trying to figure out my quirks and life's intricacies and hell last sunday i had to leave church because i had a moment that I didn't wish to share. In all honesty when I just stopped and looked at the big picture in life nothing really matters. My parents abuse, my medical conditions, my stupid fetish and all the other shit life throws at ytou are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Maybe it's a little easier for me because of my faith but in the end you are only responsible for yourself and nobody else. Your happiness, wellbeing and self accomplishment are all that matters and if your like me your walk with the Lord. I mean I seriously was losing it Sunday and ironically it had nothing to do with the fetish but rather my f*cked up poor excuse for a childhood and all sorts of esteem issues but I made peace with the fetish, I said to myself I don't care, it's no big deal.. And that is the truth. Plus on a lighter note, life is full of f*cked up things, so relax there will be more aggrevation to come, enjoy the ride.

[Guest dllightning]

Afterlife or no afterlife, most of us have done or will do far worse things than wearing a diaper.

For those of us with a medical need wearing a diaper is no more shameful than taking a pain killer for your headache. For those of us who do it to relax it is no more shameful than listening to soothing music. For those of us who do it for sexual arousal it is no more shameful than looking at Playboy.

It's just something you like.

Beth

idk, something about looking at porn seems to cheapin the relationship aspect of sex... Sounds shameful... Diapers don't cheapin sex unless they become your sex life.

What do you all think?

[PampersPete]

There is absolutely nothing sinful about porn.

[DiaperBoyKR]

This is something I have struggled with alot myself of late. Especially in terms of the sexual side of things with the diapers. All I can tell you is that have sexual interests other than simple procreation is not sick, disgusting, or psycho. God created man and woman to have sexual relations, and to ENJOY them. As a result, it is not a sin to enjoy sex, rather it is the fulfillment of one's love for another. There are times when it can cross the line, but only in cases of things that would be abominable in God's eyes (i.e. the defilement of a child). Somehow I don't think diaperwearing can cross that line unless it leads to something else for you individually.

It seems you've found a pretty good point of view for your diaper wearing, so I salute you there. In alot of ways, society trains us that certain "kinks" are acceptable and others are just wierd, even though they're no less damaging (and in some ways even less so). Like has been said, don't let yourself get wound up over this. Have faith, relax, enjoy the relaxation they give.

[AB-Me-DL]

I see a lot of members have written a lot so anything I say will probably already have been said, but I just want to give the most important bit of advice that I've had

Don't hinder your growth as an ABDL. If you wake up one day and think you want a mommy/daddy or you want to wear diapers, don't shy away from it. The more the block out, the worse you'll feel and the more you'll crave it. Be open to try new things

And on the subject of telling people, I told my girlfriend and she was completly fine with it. She's even prodded me to ensure I don't neglect my AB side. We were together for 3 years though before I trusted her enough to say so you'll have to make your own call on when you tell people

Good luck Enjoy your alcohol freedom ;P

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well when he logs back on here in january i'm syre he'll be ahppy.

I didn't read his post until after writing mine.

[Guest dllightning]

There is absolutely nothing sinful about porn.

This is a whole another thread entirely...

Sinful is a relative term, bound to only those religious. That is not my beef here.

My beef is how I would feel if my wife was looking at other peoples sacred areas, getting off on them - and being drawn away from me.

This has been the age of porn getting into everyones hands, and guess what pharmacutical (sp) industry is raking it in? Sexual Enhancers - Viagra.

Porn has long been study to lead to early impotence and increased sexual strain on sexual relationships.

[PampersPete]

Fair enough dllightning....but isn't it also a fact that porn can be used to help stimulate the most frigid of sexual relationships?

And I'll let you in on a little secret no church wants to admit-your significant other will ALWAYS fantasize about other's naughty parts because they're human

[sarah_ab]

heres' my question.. if you are going to saying something is a 'fact' could you are least provide some empirical evidence to back it up.. maybe links to the studies, or the authors names and year the study was done...

I dont think there is a problem with people who are in relationships using porn as a sexual aid, however, its when it crosses thatline to where they cannot get aroused or get off any other way than looking at porn.

I know many couples who will watch porn together, and even make porn together, to enhance their sex life.