Regression As A Coping Mechanism?

[babyfur]

This is something that a psychologist I talk to now and then told me in response to an episode I had a few years back before I even found out about the whole ab/dl lifestyle. Basically I was going through some rough times and I ended up being hospitalized, well my father refused to let me bring my wolf plushie to the hospital and well, in the hospital I regressed to basically an infant in the sense that I had no bowel or bladder control, sucked my thumb constantly, cried rather than speaking and when I did speak it was little more than baby talk.

The psychologist says that basically carrying that plushie around was my way of coping with the emotional and psychological pain I was feeling by clinging to something that I associated with comfort and positive things. Basically she said, that when they wouldn't let me have it anymore I was forced to deal with all of it by myself and since I couldn't I escaped it by trying to go back to a time when there was no pain just comfort and happiness.

My question is this: Do you think that regression and a lot of things that go with the ab lifestyle(diapers, bottles/sippy cups, babyish/childish clothing, etc) are actually not weird but are in fact just a normal way of coping with life?

[babyboo3]

Firstly, I just want to say Thankyou for asking this question!

I would say yes.

This is something my doctor said to me only yesterday. She said that she feels there is a part of me that doesn't want to grow up (she doesn't know im an AB, btw!!). She said it seems i am looking for a mother and father figure in the shape of the hospital staff (im going through some mental health probs at the mo, so go to the day hospital a few times a week).

She feels that i had lack of nurture as a child, and that my parents even now don't fully understand how ill ive been (they live abroad from me) and so she feels i am looking to be nurtured in a way i never had. (if only she knew about me being on DD...!!!)

Ive been an AB since i was 9, but never really understood that what i was doing is something so many others do until a couple of months ago.

I find such comfort from my bottle, dummies, blanky and plush monkeys, and i think these are a substitute for the comfort i was never given.

I would hate for them to be taken away, as they are such an important part of my overall happiness.

What you said about when you were in hospital without your plush wolf-that just makes so much sense how you responded to that situation. It can be a very intense and frightening feeling when your object of comfort is taken from you (be this your husband, wife, child, or 'merely' your plush).

[Saschadzg]

For me, the AB side is an alter person that was cut off after traumatic childhoood experiences. When have recently gone to hospital, I fell back into my little girl alter crying, sucking on my pacifier and playing with my stuffed animals.

I guess part of the tramatization must have taken place in hospital, when I was little.

Kvetinka

[FretaBWet]

I think a high percentage of members of this site derive comfort from regressing to a younger age. I also think it's a spectrum where some might just feel so comfortable in a diaper while some need to have a paci and plushy and maybe even a complete nursury to feel the same level of comfort. I don't think it's constructive to think of it as "normal" since this is a term which is most often used against people who are not in the majority. Let's face it, we're a small minority of the general population, it doesn't make us wrong or bad or abnormal it just means we use a different coping mechanism. I know I feel more secure in a diaper than without and I know that to be the truth. Since every single human on this planet is as different as their fingerprints normal would be best described as being different. This means you should feel good about yourself. We all should.

Hugs,

Freta

[babyfur]

Sorry, I meant "normal" in the sense that it's not necessarily an ab/dl thing, but that it's something you might see in people who aren't interested in the lifestyle. Maybe it would have been better to say "average" as opposed to "normal"? In all actuality I don't think it was just my father taking my plushie from me that led to me regressing like that.

That plushie was given to me by someone I really cared about and at that time they were just recently departed so I was kind of using that plushie as a way of telling myself she wasn't gone and when my father took it away from me I lost that defense too. To make matters worse, now my parents are leaving me at this psychiatric hospital, I mean how are you not supposed to feel just a little abandoned?

My parents were plenty nurturing as far as I can remember except for that one incident, my father didn't like the idea of me carrying around a plushie so you can just imagine his reaction when he saw me like that in the hospital. That might be why I find the idea of having a daddy more appealing than having a mommy come to think of it.

It feels good to talk about this, especially since I'm not sure I could bring myself to discuss this lifestyle with my therapist. Thank you to everyone who's weighing in on the subject.

[Baby Bethany]

Yes, without a doubt it's a way of switching off. I've tried various forms of meditation and the feeling of calm I got from those was the same as this. Only difference being that I am more relaxed doing this. My AB side I have worked out, takes 3 different forms:

1) Myself (David) This is when I walk around the street in some form of baby related item. I will wear pull ups under my jeans and maybe a piece of girl/baby type clothing, i.e. Women's pink Nike, girls tee shirt, something like that. I don't act like a baby, just my adult self.....and get on with my normal business.

2) Beth (play) This is when my wife dresses me as a two year old girl and treats me like one. She does all the baby things with me, baths, games etc. I don't have a nursery, so play around the house. She talks to me like a 2 year old. I feel regressed and relaxed, I don't have a care in the world. We also have lots of fun. I should mention that I have really bad sight, and if I don't have my glasses or contacts the world is a blur (it makes you feel very vulnerable.)

3) Beth (alone) This is when I dress myself and my wife is not with me. I simply dress and lay on the bed. In this form, I literally relax myself into a state where I cannot move. I lay there and that's all, my mind is empty of any thoughts or worries. I have practised this for over 20 years, and it combines various forms of meditation techniques that I have picked up, mainly on my travels. It takes in a quiet room about 20 mins to get there. Once I reach this state it can be difficult to recover though. People can enter the room and you don't know they are there and I have also experienced hallucinations. Also, when you do come round you feel sluggish. But within an hour or so you feel like a new person.

None of the above are part of our sex life, diapers just don't turn us on. I'm very very dom sexually and have never submitted to anyone, so the baby thing is separate.

Although I wouldn't call this fetish "normal" I do believe that everyone has something they like to relax them. Some people like yoga, some classical music, some fishing. I like age play.

Beth

[diaperpt]

Yes, for many of you this is all very true. I say 'you' because I don't tie my own AB tendencies to this sort of thing. I had a pretty 'normal' childhood - probably just messed up differently than yours, but on the whole, fairly normal. I am not (I don't think) here as a result of childhood trauma and I'm certainly not an expert in psychology, psychiatry, etc but am an interested participant in AB/DL stuff.

It was interesting to read Baby Bethany's post in which he talks about the three different characters he experiences. This is because another way some people cope with extreme trauma in their lives is to develop multiple personalities. I have a friend who suffers with this and it is NOT fun for her. Being an AB to cope with problems in your childhood I think is pretty harmless and while the mainstream population wouldn't call it 'normal' I think if it helps you through, so much the better. I notice that many of 'us' on sites like this are either in counselling or could use some...again being an AB is kind of a nice way to cope when it is carried out 'well'...

I can imagine that some may even be able to get passed their childhood traumas yet choose to continue their AB practice, just because it is calming, soothing and self-nurturing.

[nitrous]

For me I use regression when I am dealing with insane stressful situations in which I have no way to solve. I often find sucking on a pacifier, holding my stuffed lion, and wearing diapers. Other than that I am a fairly normal person with the mentality of a 20 year old, during non stressful times.

[diaperboyMKE]

def a stress related thing for me. I noticed a long time ago that my urge for diapers and all thing baby was much stronger when I was having a tough time in life. When I'm happy and everything's going well I don't seem to want to want those things at much. It works good for me! A diaper makes me feel better when things aren't going so well..

What a GREAT way to cope?! Some people drink, some people hurt themselves. I LOVE myself!

[Guest]

My mis of baby and adult is just who I am. I'm a fluid mix of the two, but never completely one or the other.

I guess I'm trans-age?

Is it a coping method? Most definitely. When I'm upset, all I want is my stuffed wolf. Even if all I can do is reach the back seat of my car and touch him at a red light. (I can't hold him and drive when upset, distracts me from the road)

When the world sucks, Floppy is still as he's always been. He's never mad, he's never in a bad mood, and he's always willing to be hugged, even too hard.

[DiaperBoyKR]

I generally identify as more of a DL than anything else, but I can definitely agree with the direction you are going in here. I have a stuffed bear, Kirby, who has traveled with me everywhere I have gone since I was 6 months old. He's a little worse for wear by now, having been repaired multiple times, but having him sitting next to me, or just even know that he's in the room watching is a real relief. When I was moving over here to Korea, he was one of the first things that went into the suitcase to come with me. Same things with pjs and such for me. They relax me more than I would be if i was just, say, sitting around the house in a diaper. I couldnt tell you why, they just do. I dont have any particularly traumatic episodes in my history....my parents were both very loving, and I have no history of abuse in my background. But Kirby has always been there for me, someone I was able to cry to when no-one else would listen growing up, a person to bounce ideas for papers and such off of in school, etc etc. He's almost like my alter-ego. Logically, I know he's a stuffed animal, and that he cant talk or whatever, but using him to voice concerns or such lets me vent without exploding.

So I guess what I was getting to is that I would say the answer to your question would be a resounding "Yes". I dont know about the full-blown thing paci's, bottles, sippy-cups, etc. but I'm reasonably most people have something special, probably from their childhood somehow, that helps them cope with life as an adult. I think its because it reminds us of a less stressful time in our lives and maybe to take ourselves a little less seriously.

[Topguy]

Most shrinks will tell you that when it begins to impact your ability to have meaningful relationships-when it isolates you, or lessens your ability to function in society-you need some professional help to overcome it.

Because it's not coping then-it's mental illness.

[Baby Bethany]

Most shrinks will tell you that when it begins to impact your ability to have meaningful relationships-when it isolates you, or lessens your ability to function in society-you need some professional help to overcome it.

Because it's not coping then-it's mental illness.

That's true, that's why I don't get it when people say "I want to be a baby 24/7, 365"(be a baby not just wearing diapers.) Especially when they talk about harming themselves (so they can't walk and stuff.) I find that disturbing.

Once it stops you having a normal adult life, well that seems like a problem to me.

Just my view

Beth

[Mean Mommy]

Regression is great.

And no, it extends far beyond the AB/DL community.

My theory is that we, as a human species, form patterns. At an early stage of our lives we are incredibly impressionable and whatever happens to us is deeply ingrained within our memory. Which is why it is often a pleasure to regress. We are returning to an old pattern of how we used to act with our loved ones. Even if you would never dream of wearing a diaper, you are still open to the suggestion of regressing.

For example, if your father was hard on you and rarely showed his love, you may find yourself attracted to a distant masculine figure and aspiring for his affection. On some deep plane of consciousness, you are once again a little kid working hard to prove your worth to the man you admire.

This also explains why many people who may have been abused as children will nevertheless gravitate towards abusive partners. Despite this flaw and the pain it gives them, the abusive lover is reminiscent of the major figures who were present during a very influential part of their lives.

Of course we still have the free will to choose whoever we damn please, but this early pattern we follow when we regress is an incredibly strong factor in determining our fulfillment.

Ska-zow!