Do You Wish You Could Control The Ab Side In You?

[diaperwearntigger]

I love my AB side, I just wish it was just understood a little more by myself and my daddy/hubby.... with that said... It always seems for me that my baby side always shows up at the wrong time. I wish it was something I could control, that I could turn off and on, or even plan! Unfortunatly its not something that I can... it always seems like my hubby and I can never get on the same page. It seems like when I'm in the baby mood, hes not, and vice versa...It always seems like my baby side shows up at the wrong times, for example... on weekends when we are so booked with things that there is no way we will have time for the baby side... or on the weekends when we have the kid... it seems like it never fails....

Anyone else feel this way? or am I the only one out there......*knocks on screen* Hello?

[diapermommie]

Oh I definitely have the same problem. Like right now I'm totally in baby mode and want a blankie and a paci and to hide under the blankie with my bears. But I have my kids so I can't. It's a stress reliever for me alot of the time, so I always want it when I'm cranky or stressed out, and that's always when I can't have it! Had an argument with my bf today too, that made me wanna throw chicken nuggets and cry. I know what I'm doing later! Ok I might not throw chicken but I might get a new pink blankie and hide under it.

The worse is when it hits when I'm at work cuz I can't really even talk about it or read online, at least that's something.

[jenniebear]

i can relate tiggs sis...

lol in the beginning of mine and Daddy's relationship baby mode always seemed to kick in at the most inappropriate times...like in the middle of a serious situation/discussion or when Daddy was taking life rather seriously and i was overwhelmed by His seriousness....It was especially bad when He was angry ...because when He was angry my little side would kick in for certain....it was my unconscious way of dealing with uncertain or uncomfortable situations...unfortunately He had a hard time relating to that side of me when He was angry...because when He is angry He pulls away so it sure didn't mesh with my need to be "nurtured"....

then to make things even more difficult...when sometimes He would be in a "in the middle place" angry but not pushed to the extreme.....His solutions at these times was to "punish" me baby style...but for some reason...as soon as He would make me stand in the corner.....or get the bar of soap....if i'd even been in baby mode....it would disapear and i'd be totally p*ssed off at being treated in such a manner....

It was definitely a struggle.....and though it still has it's moments......W/we've managed to work out a "little" system..... Before Daddy would just point blank ask...are you in "little" mode now?....and that sorta would really tick me off if i wasn't in "little" mode....soooooooooooo

When i go into little mode...i give an agreed upon physical symbol....it's usually very small and would not be understood by anyone else......at home it's a little more obvious but doesn't scream BABY'S IN LITTLE MODE!

Basically i suck my thumb or drag one of my plushies around...at least until i know Daddy has seen...in public it might be just a biting of the tip of my thumb or i might lean into Him and be more clingie then normal.........

Now this isn't fool proof because there are times when He expects me to not be "little".......and for the most part my "little" side has become more in tune with His expectations.........or if i am not at my best adult sort of mode.....i can communicate how i'm working at the moment....i might say "Daddy, i'm tired and don't think i can think clearly now....i need time to work on 'whatever it is He's wanting'"......

If you have any "brain development" knowledge.....you know we think best when working from the front part of our brains......and when emotional, feeling sad, wanting comforting....we are working from middle part of our brain or cortex which is the more "emotional" area of our brain....I've been to a lot of training on this topic but could never quite explain it to Daddy....so that He would understand.....but recently at a training the following analogy was used.......

"using your brain is like driving a car"...when you are in your frontal lobe...thinking with forethought and clarity....you are in the drivers seat...able to make good decisions, anticipate what's coming up etc.......but when you are in your cortex (which i think is where a lot of ab's tend to work from....especially when in ab mode)...it's like you're driving the car from the back seat...not as easy to do....and infact there are so many new challenges to driving that car from the back seat.......that it's next to impossible to anticipate or make good decisions....because you are just trying to take care of the basics ..... o....and even worse then driving the car from the back seat.....would be finding yourself in the "trunk" of the car.....this like trying to do anything when you're working from your brainstem...or probably better known as the part of you that developed back in caveman times for "fight or flight"............you kick and scream or cry and curl up into a ball of jello on the floor.......definitely no way to be driving a car.....

How does this analogy help with this problem? not sure if it does or not but....for U/us... W/we are learning to say to each other.........."Hey...i'm driving from the backseat right now.......and i need some help moving into the frontseat" etc......

(i'd say that this is probably a way for me to implement some of my knowledge and bring Daddy along for the ride...He doesn't always "buy into" my "brain bunk" but this is something W/we've talked lots about...and O/our use of it hasn't happened over night....)

Hope this helps.....it's long winded and sounds like a bunch of "bs" but it's what's working for U/us.......and it comes from a great understanding of the trials and complications this lifestyle brings........and it comes from my heart

((((((((((tiggs and her Daddy)))))))))))))........jennie (and her Daddy who is now snoring on the couch)

[enfant]

jenniebear, I wanted to share with you that I got a big laugh out of that post. I was reading along and thinking that it's not really like that for me--I've been under a huge amount of stress this week, but I haven't been dropping into "little mode". And then I got to this...

When i go into little mode...i give an agreed upon physical symbol....it's usually very small and would not be understood by anyone else......in public it might be just a biting of the tip of my thumb

...and like a light switching on, I suddenly realized that I've been sitting here reading these messages with the tip of my left thumb in my mouth, and I never noticed.

I should mention this to mommy so she can watch for it.

The truth is, it doesn't usually feel like Ive been pushed into the back seat. It's more like I'm in the front seat, still driving, but sometimes the baby in the back seat throws a big tantrum and distracts me so much that I can't pay attention to things very well, and my driving gets erratic and unsafe, until the baby is settled back down.

I say "usually" because it has happened, maybe two or three times in my adult life, that I regressed, uncontrollably, to the point of having no adult control at all... like the baby part of me actually forced its way into the front seat and took over the driving. It's very rare and has never lasted more than a minute or so, but that's long enough to be disorienting--once I even had a visible wetting accident in a public place. It's kind of exhilarating when it happens, and a part of me wishes I could experience it more often, but mostly I'm glad not to--it's scary.

It never occurred to me before that I might sometimes be regressing in more subtle ways without noticing, though.

[jenniebear]

The truth is, it doesn't usually feel like Ive been pushed into the back seat. It's more like I'm in the front seat, still driving, but sometimes the baby in the back seat throws a big tantrum and distracts me so much that I can't pay attention to things very well, and my driving gets erratic and unsafe, until the baby is settled back down.

Interesting analogy enfant....i think for myself regression or little mode is actually a place i go when i'm tired or uncertain of how to deal with situations that are beyond my control...and when i no longer have to be in control....but it sounds like for you that you slip into little mode occasionally to sort of comfort yourself but it's not real noticable....but then there are times that you're little side comes out when you still need to be in control but the baby side of you actually takes over control....

i don't know if it would work the same way for you in this type of situation....but i do know that there are ways to bring your brain back to your frontal lobe....breathing techniques, relaxation techniques....these things are great tools to help you bring yourself into a more rational frame of mind.........not sure if they would work for you or not but when i'm in little mode and don't want to be but can't seem to bring myself out of it.........like when Daddy needs me to be a big girl and i've slipped down into little mode....listening quietly to favorite music....or a shower helps me a lot.....both of course are ways to start breathing and relaxing......but when i'm at that state...........i'm not really able to think ....o it's important for me to get back to the front part of my brain.......

[enfant]

Interesting analogy enfant....i think for myself regression or little mode is actually a place i go when i'm tired or uncertain of how to deal with situations that are beyond my control...and when i no longer have to be in control....but it sounds like for you that you slip into little mode occasionally to sort of comfort yourself but it's not real noticable....but then there are times that you're little side comes out when you still need to be in control but the baby side of you actually takes over control....

To clarify, that isn't something that happens very often... and when it has, it was only at times of extreme stress, like when someone I loved died or when my life was going through major upheavals. My first instinct at such times is always to be a grownup--I want nothing to do with diapers or even anything playful. But then if the stress continues on for an extended period, I'll start feeling this inner pushback--a gradually growing interest, that turns into almost an obsession. It's if the the little side of me were saying, "hey, pay attention to me," and after a few more days that turns into "HEY! Pay attention to me. HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ME! ME ME ME! NOW NOW NOW!" But I'm usually still trying to keep myself focused and controlled and grown up, so there gets to be an inner struggle, and it's very distracting. And on a few rare occasions it got so intense that I actually lost control and was not a grownup for a few moments.

Mind you, I'm speaking of "the little side" or "the baby part of me" as if it were something separate from me that has its own agenda, and it's not really like that at all--I don't (so far as I know) have a separate personality or hear voices in my head or anything; it's just a metaphor for the way my mind seems to work under stress. It's as if some part of my brain were whining and throwing a tantrum to get me to do what it wanted... but I don't actually hear any whining and cryiing.

In more normal times, my interest in diapers is a lot calmer and less obsessive... but I have still noticed about myself that my life works better and runs more smoothly if I don't try to repress my desires for too long. That remains true whether I'm stressed out or not.

I've always rather wished I had a strongly identifiable "little mode"... that I could regress, and really feel like a baby, voluntarily. Or even involuntarily, as long as I was in a safe space. But it's hard for me to let go of my self-control enough to get to that place, mentally. That's why it was so interesting to me to realize I had been unconsciously sucking the tip of my thumb this morning... maybe I really do have a "little mode" that I drop into at times, but it's a more subtle thing, and I'd never really noticed it until your post brought it to my attention.

[Codymoogle]

You're not alone, Tiggy...I'm little all the time (i'm always in a state of regression, there's no "baby mode" and "adult mode" for me...it's just how it is and it doesn't mean I can't perform grown up duties) , but my immeadiate emotional control, and whether my "maturity front" is up or not, definately varies with the situation. I find I have a lot less of a "handle" on it during stressful situations or when one of my triggers (from my childhood abuse) sets me off. I've been known to go into complete (unfunctioning) regression when I'm very very triggered also, I guess it happens as a defense mechanism?

~ C.J.

[Army_Baby1]

For me I have put away that side of me and tried to be a grown up for the 8 years. I have had a hard time not thinking like the child that hides in my body. Thanks to extra stress from home and always being gone I have come to the point that the Toddler in me is coming out. I have learned how to keep my toddler in check but it is hard a specially when I'm understress and we take the kids out to play some where. I have to say these days I'm starting to see more and more of the toddler side slowly coming up more and more, first is the thoughts and over time if I do not let the toddler out will be the nice child like actions. Like for me today, it is snowing and all I want to do is go start a snowball fight, or go sledding like I use to.

Army_Baby

[robehouse]

"when I was a child I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things"

This pretty much describes what happened to me. When I was in my twentie's up to my fortie's I liked to wear diapers, use bottles, pacifiers etc. After I found my first online girlfriend it seemed the baby side of me kind of drifted back. I am now a daddy. My current online baby girl doesn't want/think her daddy should wear diapers, and I don't. I don't really have any urges to put one on, either.