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Babypants

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  1. Babypants
    Golf, the one constant in life is the inexorable march of time. The parent who alienates a child today may, in the distant future, bitterly regret their actions when old age robs them first of their independence, and ultimately of their dignity. In no less than 3 multi-generation households around me, it is now payback time.
  2. Babypants
    "It's because you're average and you know it." That's a great line-- one of many in this story. It's doubly rich because it is so obviously untrue. A man who takes his own measure with such dispassion is actually unusual, and even more so, Ryan understands the difference between the average and mediocrity. In certain professions, such men are highly prized. So, Heather is not so much out of his league as competing in an altogether different sport. And need makes her vulnerable, the curve ball that she just can't resist chasing out of the strike zone. How often in life does a man discover that he has a taste for foie gras, and get the lady to pay for it? Well done.
  3. Babypants
    One thing puzzles me here. If the cream is the source of Chelsea's problem, and she is applying it repeatedly with her fingers, why is she not experiencing problems here as well?
  4. Babypants
    If the cream is causing some form of nerve damage, leaky bowels are now on the horizon.
  5. Babypants
    Looks like someone needs to invest a bit of her tip money in a tiny tape recorder. Our heroine is now incontinent and diaper dependent, but if she plays her cards right, the odds are that her younger sister will end up back in diapers as well-- and it will be many years before she has the option of moving out!
  6. Babypants
    Since you seem to be experimenting here, I have to say that this one didn't work for me. There is no beginning. Instead, we are dropped into a relatively early chapter of a story whose ending comes in chapter 37-- and it is a John Fowles ending straight out of The Magus or The French Lieutenant's Woman. It might make sense if the building blocks were in place, but alas. The best way I can think to phrase it is that the story consists of two photographs, but the rest of the album is missing. Rather than junking the format in its entirety, however, I would encourage you to try reworking the ending by using flashbacks and reveals as mechanisms to explain how your female protagonist in particular ends up in such ambivalent circumstances.
  7. Babypants
    Cleaning up is actually pretty easy when you are at home. Step into the tub (or stand on spread newspapers if you only have a shower stall). Use baby wipes, with a handheld mirror to guide your actions. Did she remember to air out the house? The smell of a messy diaper can linger in the air for a long time.
  8. Babypants
    You have not addressed it inside the story, so are we to assume that mom and stepdad have taken Scott to see a doctor? Or does this lie in the future? IBS is the most benign explanation that I can think of for what he is experiencing, but I can tell you from personal experience (at age 21) that there are other possibilities, and some of them are terrifying.
  9. Babypants
    Very good start. Emotions are hard to capture in print, but you have done a fine job of it here.
  10. Babypants
    Since she is wearing shorts over the diaper, the penultimate line could use a little revision.
  11. Babypants
    Characters need back stories for their thoughts, words and actions to make sense to the reader. Who are these people? Are they sharing a house or apartment? Has one of them moved in with the other? Are they splitting expenses right down the middle? Since they are not married, is there an explicit understanding that they are to be faithful to one another, or is the male character making an assumption to which he is not entitled? Please take the time at the outset to flesh out your characters, for the more depth that you give them now, the more enjoyable the story will be in the future.
  12. Babypants
    3 days without a diaper change? Kolibri is right; you need to address the BM issue in some fashion. If messing is not your thing, how about a pink potty chair? This would be consistent with the theme of humiliation so pronounced here. It is always better to look for a way to work around a problem in the narrative rather than simply ignoring it. "It hurts a lot." Shouldn't she check the ring to determine whether it is pinching or chafing the skin before committing to leaving him in the same diapers for 3 days? Quite apart from the obvious danger of exposing an open wound to urine and feces, there are quite a few varieties of diaper rash in their own right, and some of them would require medical intervention. If you have the time, take a look at scalded skin syndrome to see how bad it can get. The character development here has been first rate, but it remains unclear whether Kim has done her homework and understands the consequences of here actions, or is just winging it. Hopefully, future chapters will provide context for her behavior.
  13. Babypants
    Very well written. From the start, the pacing has been even; I'm impressed that you haven't got bogged down even once. And the situations that your protagonist finds himself in, such as messing himself in the grocery store, are ones that every person who is fully incontinent has experienced. His reaction to this event was about what one would expect the first time it happens, but it does get easier over time. As for the smell, for years I have been taking activated charcoal at bedtime (it has to be at least 2 hours after a meal, and two hours before the next one). This eliminated the odor in less than a week, although some people might find it disconcerting that it can also dramatically darken the color of one's stool. Diet is also a good way to manage this problem. Certain foods move through the digestive tract so slowly that they compact (a beef steak, for example), while more high fiber foods pass swiftly along. Celery, broccoli, cabbage, green apples and grapes, as well as a variety of nuts, are healthy options, and if you like fish, dig in!
  14. Babypants
    Really good story. Hope you are having as much fun writing it as Monica is having chapter by chapter.
  15. Babypants
    Well written. Good character interaction, nice even pacing on the plot. Although this particular story has been told many times, you do tell it well.
  16. Babypants
    Well written, with good character development. Thanks for posting this.
  17. Babypants
    Good story. Love the framework.
  18. Babypants
    Is this story still active, or have you decided to discontinue it?
  19. Babypants
    Thanks for the ride ... and keep on truckin'!
  20. Babypants
    Actually, Eagle, we need to be patient and see how this plays out. The construction is artful-- chapters 3 and 4 give us the POV of each character, but in total isolation from the other. One is a monster, the other seemingly naive in the extreme. But is he? Go back to chapter 2. He is a veteran with a background in military intelligence and security, who admits in chapter 1 to having a fantasy about submitting to a dominant female. While this combination is admittedly unlikely (we do vet to weed out candidates vulnerable to honey pots), the dynamic does position the author to play out the story in ways that we might not anticipate.
  21. Babypants
    Have you tried Little Miss BBQ on University Drive? To date, I have reviewed 68 BBQ joints in Texas, and I would rank the brisket at San Antonio's 2M Smokehouse the best not only in Texas but nationwide. It is the only brisket that i have ever scored (twice) 20/20-- 8 for taste, 8 for texture, 2 for bark, and two for pink ring. Many thanks for turning this well-written story into a cross country odyssey.
  22. Babypants
    Great start. Looking forward to the next chapter.
  23. Babypants
    Did something drop out here? I don't remember a point where Suzy could have run off and purchased a chastity belt. Just wanted to follow up on Shotgun Diplomat's comments. There is a lot to see in the Black Hills, and the Crazy Horse monument is well worth a visit. The gift shop has a large inventory of pottery executed by some outstanding artists. I added half a dozen pieces to my collection on my last trip through. Oh, and if you are a BBQ fanatic, try and time a visit so that you can make a pilgrimage to J.R.'s Rhodehouse in Summerset. We rank the burnt ends here #2 nationwide, the brisket #2 outside Texas, and the mac 'n cheese #1 in the US. Top to bottom of the menu, we score this #5 in the country.
  24. Babypants
    I am hoping that, on the return leg, Drowned will have Cam and Suzy stop in Walcott, IA... by far my favorite truck stop. Gotta admit, though, that i miss the old days when there were mom and pop choke and pukes at virtually every exit once you got out of the cities. There was this gas station on the edge of Lake Delton, WI that served up a truly incredible country fried steak with all the fixins. This story is summoning up some really good memories. Muchissimas gracias!
  25. Babypants
    Are you referring to the governors that also slow JB Hunt trucks down to a crawl? Out on the interstate, the ones that frighten me are the tanker trucks. There seems to be a code of honor in that fraternity to the effect that, if you're not going 85, you're standing still. Dropping a load in Minneapolis in this most recent chapter summoned up memories of all the trucks that I have seen tipped over in the clover leaf taking you from southbound I-694 to eastbound I-94. Don't know how it rates nationally, but here in Minnesota that interchange is notorious.
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