[A Special Offer]

Quote

I don't know if I'm going to continue this. It's a bit more explicit than I'm used to writing. Also, this is a warning: explicit sexual themes are in this work.

I saw the ad. It interested me.

I should probably introduce myself. Damian Barrett is my name. I’m 27, male, and honestly fairly fit. I’m also a diaper lover. So yeah… the ad interested me.

The Spank Tank? That’s some business that an alien—yes, a real honest to god extraterrestrial—created. Apparently human semen is a delicacy on their planet. How they discovered that they enjoyed the taste I’ll never figure it out. I’m not certain I want to know. What I do know is that they paid money to men to let them be masturbated by a mechanical contraption that extracted semen. It didn’t pay super well, but I had used it a few times to get a few bucks for some stuff I wanted.

What I am certain of however, is that the ad was intensely interesting. Now, with that said… Of course I went to Spank Tank. With the QR code printed out obviously.

One of the aliens, a strangely attractive and tall feminine humanoid was at the front desk. The desk was at my chest level, and sitting down she was at eye level with me. I’d talked to her a few times when I had visited in the past. “Hello sir!” she said to me in a cheery voice. I’d never heard the Asterians’ native language—they always spoke in English. I assumed they spoke whatever language they had to in a given country.

I replied in a less than cheery manner. “Uh… hello.” I held out my printed QR code, and she looked at it.

She then looked at me. Skeptically at first, then with a more appraising eye. “I didn’t think we’d actually get anyone to come in. You do know that there are a lot of conditions attached to that offer?”

I quirked an eyebrow at her. “You haven’t even scanned it yet…” I said.

“It’s a rather distinctive pattern,” she replied, as she grabbed a scanner and hit the barcode. “Yup, exactly the one I thought it was!” Her cheeriness was almost catchy.

“Uh… okay.” I was a bit leery at this point. “So… what do I do to find out the terms and conditions?”

“Well, now that I’ve scanned the code we can set up an appointment for an appraisal specialist to come by and inspect you.” She looked at me like a cut of meat. “As long as you don’t have any kind of premature ejaculation you look like you should be a prime specimen.”

I blushed. “Ma’am…” I was embarrassed as hell to have this conversation going on.

“Hold up. First off, I’m male.” I blushed deeper.

“I didn’t know…” I replied sheepishly.

“We don’t really bother with correcting people while we’re on Earth, but our females have ovipositors and men fertilize the egg in our wombs. So while I may appear feminine, I assure you I’m male.” She—He tapped his breasts. “I’m only correcting you because if you are approved you will be around mostly Asterians.

“Sorry, sir.”

“It’s no big deal. Just remember it and there won’t be any issues.” She reached over the desk and patted my head in a patronizing manner.

“So when will the assessor be here?” I asked, changing the subject.

“He’ll be here in three days. Show up at 2:00 pm. That’s your appointment time.”

“Uh… what about my schedule?”

“What about it? If you’re accepted and you sign the contract, there are a lot of freedoms you’re going to lose for the next five years minimum. Might as well start now.”

I sighed. My schedule was open, as I was currently unemployed, which is why I was even considering this offer. I started going through the intake information with her—er, him.

***

Three days later, I walked back into Spank Bank. “Hello Damian,” the receptionist said to me.

“Hi,” I replied. “So… where do I go?”

“Down the hallway, third door on the left. Try not to be too loud during the assessment.”

“Uh… okay…” I replied leerily.

I looked at him with a strange foreboding feeling and walked down the hallway. I found the door and knocked. “Enter.” The voice from behind the door was both effeminate and powerful at the same time.

I opened the door and walked in, closing it softly behind me. The Asterian in front of me stood eight feet tall. He did not look weak despite looking like a quite attractive human female. I wasn’t exactly short myself—I was almost six feet tall after all—but it was very strange seeing such a large person in front of me. Her—His hair was almost like dreads, except I realized they weren’t dreads—they were fleshy. I made a note to look more carefully at the receptionist when I left.

“Just call me Helen. It’s close enough to my Asterian name.” He said, matter of factly. “Now, don’t be alarmed. I am going to undress you.”

“Uh…” I backed into the door. “Wait a second, why?”

“You don’t know the procedure? Were you not told?” He asked me.

“I don’t and I wasn’t.”

“Well then. Basically, I’m going to undress you and bring you to climax through fellatio.”

I just stared blankly. After a few seconds, I gulped. “I don’t see why that’s necessary.”

“You don’t know what you’re signing up for do you?” He asked. I shook my head. He then pointed at a chair. “Sit.” I did as I was told.

He cleared his throat, and in his honestly somewhat intoxicating soprano voice began to drone about the dreaded terms and conditions. “You’re going to be an indentured resource for the next few years if you choose to sign the contract. You’ll be well cared for—full medical, dental, vision, the whole nine yards if I remember the terminology correctly. However, you will be giving up several rights—bodily autonomy for one. Basically, you’re being sold to a singular person to be their personal caviar dispenser.” I gulped. It wasn’t too far off the truth.

“Generally speaking, your contract will be sold to a male most likely. Don’t worry, they’ll be very well off and will have a vested interest in making sure you’re well cared for. But you won’t be allowed to touch yourself anymore. Don’t worry, you’ll be given release regularly—probably several times a day to be honest—but you can’t touch your nether regions at all. As such you will be diapered at all times. You will be expected to use the diaper. Your body will be stripped of all hair aside from your head. Facial hair will not be allowed. We’ll use gentile chemicals to remove the hair, of course—you will be hairless for hygiene reasons.”

“But why diapers?” I asked. I was actually getting excited about the offer now.

“Simply put, they allow you to deal with your bodily functions while preventing you from touching yourself. If you’re caught masturbating, you’ll probably be put in thick gloves that prevent you from repeating the incident.” He smiled.

“An unfortunate side effect of unprocessed human semen on males is that it seems to cause lactation in about 60% of people. Should that happen, as much as half of your daily caloric intake may be breast milk. It’s not unhealthy at all, and you’ll probably enjoy it. In fact, for human adults it’s nutritionally complete and lower fat than most foods you’re used to.” He sighed. “I am unfortunately one of those lactating men. So, as part of your assessment, you’ll be nursed for about half an hour.”

“This won’t make me incontinent, will it?” I asked.

“Probably. Incontinence happens in 98% of men within a year. Within 5 years it’s 99.5%.” He walked over to me and helped me to stand up. “Enough talking. Are you interested in the assessment?”

I nodded. “Yes ma—er, sir.”

He kissed me on my head. “Good boy.” He hugged me and patted my butt. It was patronizing but I felt myself melting into him. He immediately began to undress me, and slid my shirt off first. He set it down in the chair, and began to undo my buckle. My pants dropped, and he commanded me to step out of them. I did so. He then slid down my boxers, and began to drool as he saw my penis. He gently cupped my balls in his hand, and began to gently stroke his fingers along the insides of my legs.

His effeminate form caused me to spring to attention almost immediately. Getting down on his knees, Helen then began to fellate me. His tongue was doing unspeakable things to my erect member. I held on for at least 20 seconds before I went weak in my knees. He caught me and I exploded in his mouth.

I laid on the floor gasping. “What… the… fuck…?” I’d never experienced such a powerful orgasm.

He savored the flavor of my semen, and swallowed a few seconds later. “Oh my, you are tasty.”

Cradling me, he then pulled down his shirt that covered the bosom that seemed entirely out of place on a male, and he led my mouth to his nipple. As his breast touched my lips, it began to secrete what I can only describe as a nectar without equal. After hungrily nursing for about 15 minutes, he pulled me away from his chest. Moving me over to his other breast, I began nursing again, this time more gently as I got into a rhythm and savored the flavor of this otherworldly breast milk.

“Oh, you will do nicely.” He patted my crotch. “You’re at least a tier 3 candidate.” His soft hands explored my body gingerly. “That means your contract will be worth about 2 million for five years. Maybe even a tier 2. But I’ll have to spend some time thinking about your qualifications before I can authorize that. It depends entirely on your attitude after all.”

“I want this.” I felt a little milk that had just missed my mouth slip drip down the corner of my mouth. Instinctively, I licked the dribble. “I want this definitely.”

“Even though you’ll almost certainly become incontinent?”

“Ma’am… er sir, I am willing to be incontinent to be fed like that and experience that level of pleasure.”

“Oooh. You are definitely a tier 2 then. Three million upon completion of your contract.” He smiled. “I’m glad you’re on board then.”

He laid me down and grabbed what could only be called a comically large baby diaper out of a bag. He efficiently powdered me and diapered me. I let him do it—I was too drained from being fed and fellated to protest—not that I would have. He began to dress me as well, although not with the clothes I was wearing.

Pulling a onesie out of the bag to the side, He slid it on me. It fit perfectly, almost like it was tailored. It was a plain white one, but my god was it comfortable. He then pulled out some bib coveralls that fit almost to my armpits—they were cut more like a toddler’s clothes than adults.

“Go ahead, try to take those off.” I tried. For over 10 minutes, I tried and failed miserably.

“What is going on here?” I asked.

“These clothes are designed to keep the wearer clothed. You can’t take them off. Only your master will be able to remove them.” He smiled. “Now…” he grabbed a small stack of papers off the table behind him. “This is your contract. You sign it, you’re officially mine until someone else pays for your contract. We’ll give you a week and a signing bonus of $10,000 to deal with your affairs before we take you off planet.”

“Okay… if I sign that, do I get to take these off?”

“No. If you don’t sign it, I’ll take them off of you. If you do sign it, you must come back here at least once every six to eight hours to be changed. You’ll sleep here in a cage at night. It’s comfortable, don’t worry.”

I gulped. “Do you have a pen?”

He smiled a warm smile, and hugged me gently. He then patted my diapered butt. “Yes, sweetheart, I do.” I felt myself melt all over again.

[A Special Offer]

Quote

Disclaimer: This is not an actual ad. This is the first part of a short story I'm writing. I had the idea at work. I might finish it, I might not. For now, just the intro...

Hello there Daily Diaper members! Have you ever wanted to have someone wait on you hand and foot? Have you ever wanted someone to take care of your every need?

Have we the offer for you!

For a limited time only, applicants who are accepted will have the opportunity to have these conditions plus a full health and dental package! Incomes start at $500,000 for a five year contract and only go up from there!

Travel to new planets! Live your best life!

Applicants should head to their local Spank Tank franchisee for details. Bring the QR code for details.

Terms and conditions apply. Applicants must pass a thorough physical and must be willing to give up some rights and privileges. Minimum five year contract. Some health issues are not disqualifying. Some negative health effects may occur during contract period. Contract is non-negotiable.

[My control is going to shit (not quite literally)]

So... an update: My control had just about gone completely in late December, however thanks to a really good doctor, we managed to figure out what the issue was: a severe vitamin D deficiency. MS isn't out either, but with taking prescription strength Vitamin D a lot of my issues with bladder control have cleared up. I'm still wearing at night for now, but during the day my control is good enough to not worry about wearing diapers.

[My control is going to shit (not quite literally)]

2 hours ago, zzyzx said:

@Denube:

I didn't see it mentioned, and since this isn't the incontinence desires forum, I'll ask: 

• Have you talked to your doctor about this?
• Have you talked to a urologist about this?
• Have you had your PSA checked?
• Have you had your prostate checked?

Just some things to consider before resigning your self to not getting better and expecting worse.

Yes, you may already "know" things are heading in the direction you mention.  And if that is the case, accepting the issue in my opinion is healthy from a mental perspective.  But you should get things checked out to make sure it isn't something that needs attention.

For me I have a combination of how I sense things (so, I can understand your thoughts about "how the heck did I train in the first place"....) getting mucked with during illness, in part with the medications used to get over it and then later early onset of an enlarged prostate that negatively impacted my bladder (maximum functional) capacity and control, even after handling the enlarged prostate issue (with the Rezūm procedure). 

I have talked to my doctor about it. She was... dismissive of the entire ordeal. I had to go outside of normal means to get an appointment with an Urologist. I did have an appointment with my urologist, and they immediately scheduled me for a urodynamic test. I don't have any symptoms of enlarged prostate if that's what you're worried about. They did an ultrasound and said everything looked okay, so... I'm not particularly worried about that.

However, I've had to put ALL of my medical treatment relating to this on hold as my insurance has decided that me trying to figure out what's going on isn't 'medically necessary' and hasn't paid out a penny on any of the doctor's visits I've had. I immediately cancelled the urodynamic test as I can't afford ANOTHER $5,000 bill because my insurance sucks ass. Sadly, my workplace insurance is the only option I have.

I haven't completely resigned myself to the fate of incontinence, but the most likely causes are either some kind of hypermobile disorder causing weakened muscles in both the bladder and lower pelvic floor combined with interception issues, or multiple sclerosis which runs in my family.

Given how my control is gradually giving out and I'm experiencing mixed incontinence with no change in my motor control, vision, or unexplained numbness (I've got carpal tunnel syndrome), I'm of the opinion that the former is the most likely candidate when accounting for all the information I have at the moment. However, in either situation the continence issues will be progressive and non-reversible without surgery. I'm not getting surgery for something that can be handled without an invasive procedure.

Just my take on the facts as I have them.

2 hours ago, zzyzx said:

@Denube:

Also, concerning diaper supply, @~Brian~ uses disposables and can give his perspective on that.  I mainly use cloth diapers.  I prefer cloth diapers probably in part because that's what was (likely) used on me the first time (based on my age), and I find them comfortable even when wet (as long as not cold, not leaking and no diaper rash -- and I tend to not get in trouble on diaper rash easily).  Another part is I have the facilities to wash and dry (in my home), so that isn't an issue.  And overall (over time) this is a "cheaper" solution.  If you want me to go into more details of what I use, please ask.  And I have used cloth diapers while vacationing. 

As to disposables, when my occasional nocturnal enuresis first kicked in, I couldn't find one that would reliably handle my overnight volume (and contributed to my selection of cloth diapers for the solution).  With recent disposables, that has changed.  Mega-max is a good diaper, but is just shy of cutting it on its own over night.  I've found Tykables Cames (least "AB" of their line) with their dubler tends to handle my night time situation fairly well, and actually with my day time control can end up using only one a day (fresh after shower in the morning), and mostly worked on a recent vacation.  And the "velcro" type tabs allow for re-fastening when making it to the toilet during the day.  I think the Mega-max with a Tykables dubler would also work for the night, but is "interesting" to try to use like I use the Tykables during the day as the Mega-max tapes are strong and can make it more interesting when trying to get to the toilet -- but it can work out.

So, depending on your voiding pattern and volume, decisions on trying to use the toilet vs preferring to not dealing with that issue (for various reasons), etc., will impact what  you will want / desire / need if deciding to go with disposable diapers.

For now, I plan on using disposables mostly. I probably will transition to using cloth at some point, but for now it's not really a sensible option for me.

[My control is going to shit (not quite literally)]

4 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Denube

thank you for that response! Sounds to me like you have a small supply of diapers that you use effectively. If you are going to go 24/7 once you lose total control, you may want to look into the North Shore mega Max. These are the best diapers that northshore makes, and they also make the cloth backed version of this diaper as well. I use the mega Max as my primary diaper as I've probably stated before. I always try to keep at least 360 diapers on hand at all times because I can put in an order once per month, and I get a total of 90 diapers every month when I order. My prior authorization from the state allows me to get 540 of them per six month period.  I guess they do the prior authorizations on a 6 month basis because of the type of business that they are dealing with. I guess they want to make sure that they don't lock themselves into a year prior authorization and then have the price go up, so they monitored this and set it so that these things have to be renewed and checked every six months. Because of my setup, all I have to do is ask the supplier in Hooksett NH to re up the authorization when it becomes time, and then call and ask her to place an order. This time I decided to go with the blacks. You will find that north shores mega maxes have the following colors: white, which is standard, blue, black, pink, and tie dye. If you're interested, the North Shore trifecta is it cover that you can use to put over your diapers to protect them from leaking all over the place. I usually wear one of these when I go out because there is nothing more annoying than to have one of the best diapers on, and then to use it to its fullest extent possible, only to realize that you've overextended it, and not realize that you have leaked. As far as I'm concerned North Shore is the best diaper around, and I say that because I have had very little negative things happen to me when using the mega Max.

When I started wearing diapers, I went through Amazon to get them. After a small problem where someone from North Shore had told my supplier that I should use the wrong size booster in my diaper, they ordered me an extra large package of boosters, when I use a medium diaper, and when you use a medium diaper you should go for the large boosters. Because I had to go through the return cycle, and because it was very hard to do that, I asked my supplier if it would be more advantageous to go through North Shore directly, and so doing, eliminate the middleman, and then if there is any issue, northshore can directly deal with my supplier and credit them back with they need. I think it is a lot easier to deal with North Shore if you are doing it long term if that's where you wish to go, rather than having to deal with North Shore through Amazon and have any issues. North Shore has always done me right, and Adam Greenberg the owner of the company is also a member here on DD.

Brian

Well, that's something at least. Honestly, it doesn't surprise me the owner of Northshore is on here. I remember the fiasco where they sent out samples without confirming it a few years back. xD that was interesting. I almost got caught when I only wore for fun.

As far as boosters go, I usually use large boosters despite wearing XL briefs. the size of the XL boosters is somewhat difficult to manage. I do get a lot of my diapers through amazon, but when I get paid I plan on picking up at least one case of Megamax diapers directly through Northshore. I may also transition to using supremes during the day if I go the diaper route--I probably don't need THAT much capacity in the daytime, as my leaking has pretty much ensured that unless I've got something preventing me from peeing (sitting in a car seat or an erection) I don't really have more than about a 5 ounce capacity in my bladder. That's just been going downward so steadily that it's going to be the reason why I eventually wear protection of some kind regardless. Hard to flood when the most you've got is a few ounces. I think it may be due to a potential connective tissue disease and it's just my time for that part of my body to give out.

And I agree. Northshore is probably the best medical diaper company out there. Reasonable prices, great quality, and well-designed products.

 

[My control is going to shit (not quite literally)]

45 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Denube

based on what I've read, it sounds like you are understanding what you are dealing with to a point, and that means that you know that you are on the spectrum, and that you have been having problems with leaking and voiding and not being able to feel it. If it were me, I probably would do exactly what you are talking about doing. Part of being incontinent means that you have to accept your situation for what it is, and some people have a hard time coming to that conclusion, but it sounds like you are coming to that point, and understand what you are dealing with quite well.

If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't use a condom catheter, I don't know if you know this but I have cerebral palsy myself, and I don't have the best eye hand coordination for certain tasks. The last time I had a catheter in me it caused me to have a severe UI and I did not want to have to deal with the burning sensations. If I were you, I would probably use the diapers during the day, and probably forego the condom catheter. Use of this device is up to you, but I would probably stay with my diapers. For the record I wear mega Max diapers 24 hours a day, and I have a pretty good supply of them so there shouldn't be an issue for me, but do you have enough supply to be able to use your diapers that way should you need to? I would probably use the diapers now, and just resign yourself to the fact that you're going to need them anyway, so you will have to eventually prepare yourself for the eventuality that you will need diapers at all times.

Once you have accepted the fact that you are using diapers, and that you need diapers, I believe it is easier to be able to deal with the next step which is: how to proceed to deal with it. It sounds to me like you have a pretty good plan in place, but as I said I'd probably go 24/7 now rather than to wait until you lose all control: this is because if something should happen you would not have the protection that you need, and if you are an active individual, you may find that diapers are more advantageous to you because it'll allow you to do what you want to do without having to worry so much about using the bathroom all the time.

I started having problems with incontinence in 2019 when I started having accidents, and I've dealt with diverticulitis and IBS for many years, and that can be painful and debilitating. When I noticed that I was having these issues, I asked for help and I was able to get that through the doctor. I had already discussed with him in 2018 about the necessity of being able to get diapers very easily should the need arise, and he told me that all I'd have to do is ask: when I did, he complimented me on the fact that I had the guts to be able to go in there and ask him for them, and I thanked him for being understanding and trying to help me to deal with something that had been bothering me for some time, and I can tell you from experience once I had done that it made me feel a lot better, because a lot of people here on DD have helped me to come to the realization that diapers have helped me immensely.

Having incontinence is a pain sometimes, and even having autism can also be a struggle, but I'm with you on this one: I wouldn't worry too much about the condom catheters or using catheters at all during the day. Using a catheter can cause more problems if you are not careful putting them in, or you are not careful in making sure that they are clean. Using a diaper would probably be be easier for you because it takes a few moments to change a diaper and clean yourself up, whereas doing a catheter could take a lot longer since you have to make sure that you're doing it exactly right, because this catheter is in your pee canal, and you don't want to end up having any infections because of it.

I hope my information has been helpful to you: when you lose control it can be annoying and sometimes devastating, but it sounds to me is if you have the right idea as to what you want to do, you are simply questioning whether you want to use the catheters during the day, or if you wanna use diapers, and if so during the day what type, and at night use mega maxes period since I use mega Max as 24 hours a day I can tell you that they are amazing, but you also would have to have a pair of Gary Ware or a pair of trifectas to cover your diaper so that if you were to leak, whatever comes out will stay within your cover instead of getting all over you or the floor

I wish you the best of luck

Brian

@~Brian~, just clarifying something. You do know a condom catheter is a fully external device, correct? As in, nothing is inserted into the body? It's literally a device for men that is a condom with a collection funnel at the end that goes into medical tubing that then goes into a collection bag. The condoms are also single use items that get replaced daily.

If I'm wrong in my assumption, please don't read too much into my statement. I'm not the best at this sometimes.

Edit: As far as a diaper supply goes, no, I do not have that good of a supply. I've got about 70 Tenas that I bought at someone else's recommendation, but they aren't particularly good diapers without stuffers. I've got 19 Betterdry diapers, but I use those for nighttime use at the moment as they'll contain my accidents when they occur. 12 Rearz Incontrol are on the way because I want to try them out, and I've got a case of 84 Abri-Flex L3 pull-ups on the way. I'll be boosting those with the depends men's guards I bought just before the accidents started getting worse. I use those during the day at work right now. If I need to go out, a Tena will last about 3 hours without stuffer, so that's my go-to. Finally, I've got 2 Abri-Form L4 and one Northshore Supreme.

[My control is going to shit (not quite literally)]

So uh... Yeah.

A little about me to begin with. I'm a somewhat newly self-diagnosed autistic (with a clinical diagnosis coming in March, hopefully) with sensory processing issues, probably disordered. I'm 36 years old, and I've been active on this site for YEARS at this point, although with large gaps of no actual interaction. Some people may know me from older stories I've shared. I don't really write any more, as it's just too much to ask of me given all the other demands on my time as of late and the fact that I've been dealing with autistic burnout for about a year or more now.

In any case, starting at the beginning of this year I've noticed that my underwear were developing yellow stains and occasionally seemed a bit more damp than just sweat could justify. Because I've always kept diapers around for entertainment purposes, I wore a diaper one night to bed and discovered that I was leaking enough to put a roughly 4-5 inch spot of urine on the padding and activating an appropriate amount of the indicator. That was in late February or early March (about 3-5 weeks after I realized I was on the spectrum). I've spent every night since then in diapers.

However... my control has been deteriorating since then. About two to five times a week, I'll wake up with a much wetter diaper than I should have. Then, there's the leaking I've had going on during the day, and the random urges to go. I've realized that pretty much my entire life, what I thought was an urge to go was really pee leaking from the tip of my penis. I don't think I've ever really had sensation in my bladder. How I got potty trained in the first place, I can't really tell you. In addition to all of this, the amount I can regularly void has gone down to maybe about half of what it was at the beginning of the year. I want to state this to be clear: I am NOT untraining. I'm just unlucky.

So... yeah. I'm pretty much just waiting for what little control I have to give out. That's kind of a rough realization to have, but it's one I've come to terms with, I think. I plan on managing the incontinence once it gets to the level of requiring constant protection with either condom catheters during the day and with NorthShore MegaMax diapers at night. If I can't stand the catheters in the daytime, I think I'll probably use BetterDry or ABU diapers during the day. They have decent capacity without being overkill, IMO. I know there's a lot of resources here on this site in the form of people who have been incontinent for a long time, so if anyone can offer any advice in dealing with my issues I would love some input.

I'll answer any questions you may have. I'm not exactly shy about my trials and tribulations. Thanks in advance for anyone who adds their two cents.

As an aside... anyone who tries to be a prick about this to me, I'm just going to ignore and report to mods. I don't think this requires statement, as in the past this forum has been mostly civil, but these days, who knows. All I'm going to say is that I've got a REALLY good idea what's going on in my body and now that I've managed to finally track down some answers, some of which are backed by decades old documentation.

[that was weird...]

Nah. Sharts aren't that solid. I don't know, it was a legit accident. Seeing as how I don't want to be reliant on diapers, that was the last time I wore. I've caught myself in the past about to drop a load in diapers, too. I usually catch myself, though.

[that was weird...]

So, I was watching a show, and I've been wearing diapers for about a day or so near constantly. I rarely poop in them because I hate the cleanup. However, this one was just a surprise. I leaned forward a bit, tried to fart and uh... well.

I guess after a while I get used to using diapers, is all I'm going to say. That was a really odd experience, simply because of how unexpected it was. I actually sat back down before I realized what I'd done. x_X I just kind of sat there and said to myself, wow, did I just do that? did I even mean to do it?

[Did Rugrats help contribute to people being ABDL?]

It's possible. Weirder things have happened. Really, about the only way you could be sure would be an honest-to-god survey organized and planned by a statistician.

Taking the role as a devil's advocate, I doubt it was that big of an influence. I'm sure that some people realized that they had the inclination for the kink because the show existed--media just works that way--but I doubt it made more than a couple dozen people realize it. Hell, I'd say that the AB episode of CSI had a larger impact than the entire run of Rugrats. On top of that, AB/DL stuff just isn't that common of a kink.

In any case, I'm sure they'd have realized it through other means regardless. Maybe not as early or have been as open to the idea, but they'd have realized. For me, I the moment I recognized I wanted diapers when I saw diaper commercials. It was something subconscious, and it was during my dark years, but I realized it regardless. 

[Pointless Mommy Rant]

4 hours ago, mamabug said:

Wow, okay.

You pretty much-twisted everything I said in some condescending way, which was not my intention at all. *sigh* I wasn't judging you, I was trying to be nice and have a conversation with someone, sharing my thoughts and feelings on the subject, of course, everyone has their own opinions. I think it could have been a healthy discussion. it's obvious you still have a lot of healing left to go and are still rather defensive/sensitive about this type of topic (again, NOT trying to sound condescending/rude)

I did write some more, but I deleted it, as there isn't any point. It'll just add fuel to the fire and there is no point to that.

I wish you the very best in life, hope things work out the way they should. No hard feelings from me. I apologize if I struck a nerve, wasn't my intention.

Whether or not you realize it, you were being kind of disrespectful towards people who suffer with mental dysfunctions through no fault of their own. I wasn't trying to be condescending but I refuse to watch what I see as a toxic viewpoint take hold without saying my peace.

Do keep in mind that I suffer with these issues (and make no mistake, I do suffer). It's only been recently, after I've seen a therapist and was able to finally develop a very basic working knowledge about my various afflictions enough to have the ability to articulate how I feel. And honestly, the implied context of what you said, regardless of whether or not you meant to imply it, made me feel like a piece of dog shit on a boot.

Using myself as an example, when I was a toddler, I was beaten regularly for crying. That has an affect on a person, when abuse starts that young and that severe. You never develop the ability to rely on people. That is a crucial life skill, because it's needed in order to form even casual relationships, such as friendships. As an adult, that skill is formed similarly to the way it's formed as a child. By trust. The problem is, that trust--that attachment--when given isn't tempered by experience. In order to let that skill develop and not lead to further trauma, it's kind of necessary for the bond to be built by a long-term relationship. The inexperience the person with the attachment issue almost always has leads to the bond being almost parent-child in nature. Not quite that far, mind you. The person who has a secure attachment style essentially needs to be an emotional harbor in the storm, in much the same way good parents are with their children.

And this is what set me off: 

On 4/20/2018 at 10:21 PM, mamabug said:

I also believe that if people have psychological reasons like that, THOSE need to be worked on BEFORE getting in a relationship, because even if you do find a woman who is okay with being a mommy, it could still cause problems.

The implication of what you said there is essentially that I can't (or shouldn't) have a close romantic relationship with another person because I need the emotional harbor. A parental substitute, in other words. Okay, sure, you qualified the statement with these issues should be worked on before being in a relationship, but by and large the only reliable way to fix these issues is to actually be in a relationship with a relatively stable person. If the wrong person sees that statement and is considering a relationship with someone who has had a troubled childhood with multiple long-term mental illnesses associated with it, it may stop them from pursuing a relationship with someone they are interested in (and who would benefit greatly from the experience) because of the stigma that's often associated with mental illnesses in general. And that's not to mention how someone who knows they suffer with these problems now feel like they don't deserve to have a meaningful, personal relationship with someone else because it 'could still cause problems'. People who suffer with these issues already have severe self-esteem complications and some are even suicidal as a result. 

The one thing I find that I can't personally tolerate is public intolerance of a stigmatized class of people. That's why I say it's fine if you personally feel that way. It's not easy to be around people who suffers with complex PTSD from childhood abuse and all the attachment issues that come with it. If you don't want to deal with the myriad issues that someone with attachment issues has, then that is your decision. It's much the same way in that some people would be uncomfortable dating someone who's a paraplegic. But it is absolutely unforgivable that you publicly stated that someone shouldn't seek an intimate relationship with another person because of a mental health issue. That's like saying a healthy man shouldn't be in a relationship with an amputee woman provided he was comfortable with the complications that resulted from her condition.

It wasn't about judgmental statements. I'm not comfortable with who I am, and I'll admit that. I have seen some pretty fuckin' horrendous shit in my life, and I have lived through some truly harrowing events throughout my life. If it was something that was directed at me, whatever, I've dealt with teasing and some very severe bullying throughout my life. But it wasn't directed at me. Your statements are dangerous, because words like that can push people over the edge into a permanent action to solve a long-term, but ultimately survivable condition. It's not someone else's job to fix me, as you said, but some people are okay with that. Your statement just writes off moderate to severe mental illnesses wholesale as a deal-breaker for anyone who's not dealing with these issues.

That's what has me worked up. If you weren't trying to be rude or condescending, what you said was a terrible choice of words. You can't casually dismiss an entire class of people's rights as humans to pursue happiness and say you're trying to 'be nice and have a conversation with someone'.

I'm always open for a debate, and I'll always provide reasons and logic behind my thoughts. But this is one situation in which I'm absolutely positively set in stone over. In addition, you've pretty obviously got some kind of prejudice against people with long-term mental health issues, so there is almost no chance of having a 'healthy discussion' with you on the matter. I've said my peace here and have nothing more to add.

[Pointless Mommy Rant]

On 4/23/2018 at 3:13 PM, mamabug said:

I debated on if I should reply or not, but in the end, I think it may be important that I do.

I have a very serious question for you, although anyone reading who may be going through the same dilemma (as I know many are) can answer - What do you have to offer to a partner? Emotionally, physically, mentally?

You don't have to provide those answers to me if you don't wish too, but really think about it. I'll tel you why I asked.

I dated someone before, who needed a lot of emotional and physical support. Being the kind of person I am, I gave him everything I had - and he gave me nothing in return, leaving me as an empty shell basically.

What I'm getting at, although you believe (and not saying you're wrong) you need someone like that, doesn't make it acceptable or right.

And so it doesn't seem like I'm just talking out of my ass, I'll use myself as an example, but I won't go into explicit details about my own issues.

But, I suffer with a lot of issues was well, and there are things I could consider I "need" from my partner, however I know that those are unhealthy for both me and for him - so there are things I need to take care of myself, so I can have a healthy and lasting relationship with my partner. 

It's not our partner's job to fix us, but to accept us and we bounce off of them.

I'm not trying to come across as rude, unsympathetic, or anything like that. Quite the opposite, really. I don't want anyone to suffer the same mistakes and unrealistic goals that I have in the past.  

If you wonder what I personally can offer a partner, It's loyalty and trust. A willingness to work through problems. A shoulder to cry on. Just because I personally need a lot of support doesn't mean I can't give the same support in kind. Please don't let your prejudices spill onto others.

I'm sorry you dated someone in the past who was so self-absorbed that they took everything from you like that, but that's not how relationships work. At least, not long-term relationships.

And I'm really sorry about this, but it's time for a rant borne from somewhat righteous indignation based upon your comments.

As a response to your challenge, you don't have to answer this question, but at least consider it: How much do you think you're projecting your own insecurities onto other people when you say that people like me need to 'deal' with their own problems before seeking companionship? I can handle someone telling me that, not because I'm strong but because I've been fed this line of (sorry for the term) bullshit most of my life and I've had to come to terms with it. In the past, it's led to me becoming recluse and self-flagellating because it's a really, really, destructive thing to tell someone. You're essentially telling that person that they don't deserve to have another human in their life because due to a psychological requirement they need another person due to a situation that was frequently well beyond their scope of control.

In the end, if you need someone who doesn't have psychological issues, that's fine. That's something that you want to avoid, and trust me, I understand because I had a similar relationship. But to tell someone who literally needs the kind of close contact that is usually only gotten in a close and personal relationship that they don't deserve it because you had a bad, borderline abusive relationship with someone who was essentially an emotional vampire isn't just insulting, but it's dangerous.

As for myself in order to grow I need that close personal contact. I know I'm going to project certain roles if people allow it, and honestly, there won't be much I can do about that because it's done at a subconscious level. The reason is simply I was heavily abused as a child. I never formed secure attachment to my mother or father. I find it difficult to allow people close to me physically, and about the only way I can do that comfortably is to allow a bastardized form of that parent/child attachment to form.

And you want to know the kicker? That's literally what psychologists recommend for dealing with insecure attachments: to develop close personal friends and seek out long-term romantic lovers in order to form those attachments, to allow healing for these fucked up life experiences from childhood.

I'm not trying to detract from your experiences with poor partners, nor am I saying that you're foolish for being careful about who you are romantically involved with. What I am trying to elaborate on is that these are your personal experiences and you shouldn't pass your experiences and prejudices out as some form of proclamation from god almighty that should be adhered to by everyone, because by your logic, I would never be good enough to date anybody due to a pretty painful catch-22 situation.

I've had a lot of time to probe my own mind, and I've been in therapy. In order to come to terms with my experiences, I sought out a lot of really, really technical details. As a result I've read at least two college-level books and maybe as many as 40 or 50 technical papers about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Childhood Abuse and Trauma, and Attachment Theory. I'm not an expert on the situation, but I'm no layman on the subject either. Just something you should consider.

PS. one more thing you should consider: As you've said, relationships are two way streets. Nobody is perfect, and looking for that perfect person is an exercise in futility. You can either come to terms with their defects, as they will with yours, or you can choose to nitpick and try to 'fix' traits you don't like about people you do. That however is not a healthy approach to relationships.

[Pointless Mommy Rant]

11 hours ago, mamabug said:

I completely understand that people wear and like diapers for different reasons. I do know that it's not always sexual for some people. I know some people use it for comfort. I know that there are people that have suffered abuse. I have too, but the abuse I suffered has nothing to do with my diaper fetish.

I think for alot of people, they look at those type of relationships like "what will I get out of this?" when people randomly ask me to be their mommy, I will ask them "what will I get out of it?" and they are completely stumped! It's like they never think of the other person. Just because I'm a mommy, doesn't mean I want to be a mommy 24/7, That's crazy. 

I also believe that if people have psychological reasons like that, THOSE need to be worked on BEFORE getting in a relationship, because even if you do find a woman who is okay with being a mommy, it could still cause problems. And I'm saying this from a perspective from someone who has some messed up issues (again not related to diapers lol)

I mean, I totally understand the concept of wanting a partner that is into your thing, regardless if it's for sexual pleasures or for comfort/need. It still doesn't change my point. Relationships aren't a one-way street. It's not always "How will this benefit myself" it's way more, in debt, and having an ABDL part at the very top, regardless if it's a big part of your life or not, for me, is rather unhealthy. 

And there's nothing wrong with that mentality. Diapers to me are somewhat sexual. I enjoy the humiliation of forced diaper use waaaaaay too much. That moment of desperation when I can't hold it any longer is just... both wanted and feared. The embarassment of not being allowed to tell someone I've wet my pants even wearing protection is too much of a turn on for me. It's a fantasy of mine to have someone check me, inform me I've used my diaper and drag me off to change me all without giving me the choice and making me feel absolutely awkward and helpless. Hell, if any of my stories are still here, they're just my fantasies role played in my head.

Ironically, the 'mommy' thing isn't sexual at all for me. It's just that in order to have a successful relationship, I would need a more emotionally mature partner. Easiest way for me to put it is I'm essentially a four year old emotionally because that's when I think the really bad abuse started. It's hard for me to maintain anything like composure in certain difficult situations because I start having massive emotional flashbacks that leave me fighting with the echos for a few days afterwards.

I mean, I essentially become a large and extremely smart toddler at that point. I'm moody, I need naps, and I let myself get carried away in whatever I'm doing in order to distract myself. And yeah, I get that relationships are a two-way street full of give and take. It's just that, ironically, in order for me to develop a healthier mental state, I need to be able to attach to someone in a very similar way to the way a child attaches to a parent because I never could attach to my parents because I was (and still am) mortally scared of them. Sorry if I sound a bit defensive, I'm a bit on the insecure side about quite a lot of this.

[Pointless Mommy Rant]

Not trying to hijack this thread, although it may seem like I am once I make my point. xD So, without further ado...

On 4/18/2018 at 7:49 PM, mamabug said:

No offense, but I kind of find that sad. So you're saying if you met someone that fit all your every other want/need, they fully accepted that you wore diapers, but they themselves weren't into it - that would be a deal breaker?

Yeah, no. I think that is what alot of people get wrong here. I think they search for the wrong things in a relationship. My sex life doesn't define me who I am. It would also, to me at least, be pretty sad if I let a fetish take over a majority of my life as well.

I just feel like there is more to life than just diapers, no matter how amazing they are lol.

If I have a partner that loves me for me, accepts me who I am, and is everything else I need or want - then why would I be selfish and crave more?

For some of us, it really is an ingrained part of our personality. For me, it stems from trauma. Specifically, when I was going to therapy my therapist said that it was my way of coping with abuse--to slip into that fantasy world where I had someone to care for me. The abuse started at the latest when I was four, so the coping mechanisms have their hooks deep into me. Basically, I don't think I could be in a relationship where my lover wasn't my mommy, because of psychological reasons I would be happy to go into, but won't for the sake of brevity unless asked.

It's not that I would crave more, and nor would I demand to be cared for full time (even I don't want that, and I've got attachment issues out the yin yang). It's that I literally need something like that in a relationship or it's going to be a very short and very messy one because I will project that role as a psychological necessity. The alternative would require me to literally bottle everything up emotionally to prevent the attachment, and that leads to be being distant and inattentive, and quite possible incapable of affection.

I mean, I hate to say it, but what I need from a lover, from a woman I would be attracted to would be for her to essentially be a mommy to me as well. It is sad, it's a reason why I'll be 32 this year and still have only had one partner who I dated for like, 2 months in my mid-twenties. I never really felt any affection for her at all, because she couldn't fulfill that very basic need of mine psychologically.

[Health and ABDL]

Complex PTSD and the affiliated disorders that come attached.

[Just... everything.]

So yeah. I've known I've had PTSD for a while.

It's something that someone had to tell me (a therapist), and even now I just don't feel like I've got it, mostly because there's never been a moment in my life where this particular demon wasn't just over my shoulder. 

I'm 31 years old.

This shit just... drags on me. Yeah, I've got the symptoms. Not all of them for sure, but enough for a solid diagnosis.

I need someone in my life who's there, who will dig through the miles of emotional scarring from years of physical, emotional, and possibly sexual (don't know because I can only recall a single event and even that one is fuzzy) abuse. The problem is I can't stand to let people that close because of the scarring. It hurts for people to be close to me.

It terrifies me when people even want to hug me. I just... can't deal with it at times.

I want attention. I want to be left alone. I want contact with another human being, but the same thing sends me into massive panic attacks.

I need the love and support of another person, but I won't be able to let them give it to me.

I can't. Because the last time I had people who were supposed to be loving and supportive, they beat me. They threatened me. They belittled me and criticized every little thing I did right down to attempts to clean things.

I'm just... broken. I don't have all the pieces, and the ones I do have don't fit together. I need the glue to salvage myself, but have no way to pay for it.

I just needed to get this off my chest, hopefully to people who won't judge.

[Do you wear a watch?]

On 9/30/2015 at 5:35 PM, DiapersOfTheStorm said:

In horology, $160 is nothing. Even

[Why do i like looking at pictures of cute young guys in diaper when im not gay? I'm an asexual guy.]

For me... Well, it's complex. I could be considered gay no matter which way you look at it. xD

[Do you wear a watch?]

I just bought a new analog quartz watch. It's simple and honest. After seeing what some of you guys pay for watches, I feel less guilty about paying $160 for this watch. xD

[Ugh, Glaring errors in Science Fiction...]

Anybody who's read my stories knows that I am a massive fan of science fiction. I find the stories that can be weaved through the use of near-possible or even near-plausible

[Curious about packing/crossdressing but not trans]

I'm going to be a bit pedantic here, but as it stands, it's actually considered a form of Transgenderism when you start talking about crossdressing. What you're thinking about is transsexualism (and there is a difference).

I agree with Bettypooh in that maybe you should go a bit deeper into the rabbit hole of FtM transsexualism if for no other reason that they would have the best idea as to how to appear male.

I would help, but I'm trying to go the other direction. ^^;;

[so, I've entered therapy.]

Basically, I've felt like I've been trans for a long time now, and I've decided to finally do something about it by going to therapy.

[Rage against diapers]

padded white bricks lol

[Rage against diapers]

Did they do a blood, urine and breathalyzer test on this space shot? Defintely a few stones short of a tiara. Benn away from Kansas for a long, LONG time. Toto was still a small puppy when he left. The only straight line this fruitcake could follow is one made of yellow bricks

[Adult Baby Personalities]

I've never really let my AB side out. it's just too damn risky.