scotty61

Hi. I am new here so please be patient. I have posted parts of this in my intro and one other group in this forum. When I was less than 3 I used regression, thinking about, or acting like when I could, being a baby. My twin brother and me were both slow with potty training. From about age 3-6, my mom used diapers to punish us if we had an accident. Sometimes my pants had a very small wet spot but if she saw it I was in a diaper for the rest of the day, and sometimes all night. I remember at the age of 4 that I would sometimes wet myself just so mom would diaper me and I could regress and act like a baby as much as I could. I really felt at peace doing this. I also recall my maternal grandmother doing this as well. The summer I turned 6 my siblings and i stayed at her house for about a week while parents were gone. Three different times I had small accidents and she diapered me each time. I was so embarrassed since cousins were around a lot as well. As I continued to grow I found things to use as diapers. Mom would occasionally find them, or I made them easy to find in hopes she would diaper me, but when she found them she threatened to tell my dad and take me to a shrink. I had no idea what a shrink was but I knew it wouldn't be good and telling my dad was a horrifying thought. Yet she never followed through I always have struggled with some sort of urge incontinence, but after my first back surgery at 13, a nurse yanked a catheter out while turning me in the middle of the night. After a few months I was having bladder spasms, and trouble with accidents. To get buy in school I wouldn't drink anything in the mornings and between every class I used the restroom to try and prevent accidents. I also wore dark jeans in case I did leak. In 1983, age 22, the scar tissue in my urinary track had all but blocked flow, and had to always wear protection. I had 3 urinary track surgeries that resulted in a total urinary tract replacement. After surgery the spasms and inability to hold urine was gone, yet I continued with urge incontinence. When I feel the urge I need to get to a restroom in less than a minute. Sometimes the void is extremely small and other times it is a lot. I can't ever tell how full my bladder is, and I can't seem to force out urine until I fill that need to go. So, most of the time I do need diapers. I wear them 24/7 and never wear underwear anymore. This has caused me confusion my whole life between the regression to cope and being ashamed about it combined with the need to wear diapers, Until my mid 30's I truly thought I was the only person in the world this screwed up. Then in the mid 90's I came home from work and my now ex told me she had just watched a Donahue show about adult babies and asked if I was one. She accepted the fact I had to wear a diaper, but somehow she thought I was like the people on the show. This really confused me. I hadn't seen the show, but just found out that in some way there were "others" out there. Just a couple months later we got our first computer and internet connection. I started doing research on this and a lot of what I saw disturbed me in that it was mostly a sexual fetish for those acting out. I have always tried to be very honest in relationships, and after a few months; our marriage was already in trouble; I left her a letter explaining pretty much what I have shared here. Later that day I get a call from my Pastor at work. His first words said I must be having a rough day. He was very understanding, but I found out my ex had called all our friends wives to tell them about her disgusting and weird husband. (I had just finished a term on the church board at this time.) This whole thing was mortifying, plus the terrible experience I had inpatient trying to understand and stop the regression. I could go on, but I won't. As you can tell, this whole thing around incontinence and regression has been, and still is, a very difficult thing in my life that I loath. Thanks for the time.

Not being able to change in a timely manner and having the diaper fall apart and loosing the white material in balls down you pant legs! Being on a trip for a few days and not able to fit enough diapers to get by and then having to buy a cheap brand at Walmart, or somewhere, and only able to fit half a bag in my luggage and wasting the rest. When I am away from home, I don't worry about being seen changing in a public restroom. I used to really hate having to carry the wet diaper out of the stall to the trash bind and being seen, but I realized they don't know me and will never see me again. Plus, most people know about incontinence and it isn't as big a deal as we make it out to be. i have battled with varying degrees of incont. since a child, plus using regression to cope with all the bad things happening in school due to physical handicap. I would always be looking for something to use as a diaper, but when my mom found them, or caught me wearing them, the response was always the same. She'd ask why I was wearing them and I could only shrug, and then she'd threaten to tell my dad and take me to a shrink. At age 13 I nurse yanked a catheter all the way out while trying to turn me in bed after my first back surgery. A few months later I really struggled with staying dry and bladder spasms. I used bath towels as a diaper, and because of my history with mom, I could never tell her the problems I was having. Also puberty was happening so I was, and still somewhat am, on screwed up person. I have so much shame around my incontinence since I am also an AB that I still need/use to cope with life. (Lost career as a pilot due to both physical and depression and ended up on SSDI) After my last back surgery in Dec. I was in the hospital for six days. The first half of the stay I needed help to change. Wanting to be treated as a baby I originally thought it would be nice when a nurse helped and that I may feel more like a baby and regress to better cope with pain and other things. Yet, when a nurse did help, I ended up doing as much as I could on my own. I felt to much shame about everything. Also, when I see pictures of AB's in diapers and playing with baby toys I feel disgusted thinking how weird they are, yet that is me when alone. Sorry to ramble. Just joined this group tonight and need to pay attention on where to post things. I ams still in therapy to try and make since of all these conflicting emotions I have.

I usually take a cloth under pad with me on trips to my daughters family, etc. You can find them at Allegro.com or many other places. You can also get them in various sizes and absorbency. You can also get disposable under pads. These are much easier than trying to pack and put on a plastic sheet, as well as being more discreet when it comes to room service. As already mentioned, it would take a weight off your shoulders just to be straight up with your roommate. She would probably understand and hopefully keep your confidence. "Also, depending on the type of travel you do, you may be able to have her as a continuing roommate on other trips?

I am in Wichita. Wouldn't mind IM or email with someone and see where it goes. I am a heterosexual man, 51 years old and long time divorced. Would like to explore finding a possible "Mommy" but have really mixed feelings on that.

I am 51 years old and have wanted to be a baby since 3 year of age, or younger. Born with scoliosis and a severe club foot, I started having surgeries at less than a year old. (Have had 25 total surgeries.) To cope I guess that I wanted to be kept as, and treated as, baby. It seems that I view myself as about 2yrs old being able to talk just a bit and walk around. Until the 8th grade in school I wore back and leg braces. The kids in the small town school I went to were very cruel to me. Also, when I responded to the physical, or other types of abuse, my teachers only seemed to see my response and not what was happening. As I said, to survive all this I had to vision myself as a baby and was wearing diapers all the time growing up. At about 13 I was in the hospital for back surgery. I was heavily sedated and had a catheter in. The nurse went to turn me and ripped out the catheter. This has left me with varying degrees of incontinence. I guess that is more than enough for now. You probably are getting the picture. I live in Wichita, KS, and am on SSDI due to both physical and mental issues. I am not sure what I will get from this site, but will just see where it goes. Thanks for reading.