catscradle

Thanks, I appreciate that. I’ve never thought about it as normal, but perhaps you’re right. 🙂 I desperately wished to be "as old as" my brothers. I used to hate it when I couldn’t do things with them, even when we fought (which was a lot!). I think the harness also made me feel like a burden in some way. With sitting in the middle I always had to be the first in. I can vividly remember the routine of having the harness put on me, climbing in, and getting buckled in. I spent so many times sitting strapped in with the door and tailgate open as my parents finished loading up whatever we had (groceries, bags, outdoor gear, etc.). I used to get annoyed I couldn’t help because my brothers always did. That seems so dumb to me now because they as always had to help with bags and things – they didn’t want to but had to, I didn’t have to but wanted to. I totally felt cared for too. I just think I felt like that almost too much at the time. Does that make sense? The only time I didn’t feel that way (completely incorrectly of course – I was always cared for) was when I got older. I used to argue with my parents that they only had me sit in the middle so my brothers didn’t fight with each other. My parents always swore that wasn’t the case. It actually wasn’t, but I maybe wonder if there was a slice of truth there. I guess I see it all now as a wish not to be responsible. As I got older, went into high school, started dressing as I wanted (or as near as my parents let me!), having to wear the harness was the only thing I didn’t get any say in. I wonder whether that left me with some wish to always have one thing that I don’t want responsibility for? I’m thinking out loud. Could be nonsense. Does that make any sense? It wouldn’t feel like my old harness at all. 🙁 Plus, I don’t really like the whole modified car thing. I lease my car too so couldn’t even if I wanted to. Thanks. 🙂 That makes sense. I certainly hated it as much as I felt safe having to wear it. The more I think about it, the more I think the harness sort of wound up being the only thing I didn’t have control over at a “critical age” (or something like that). My parents never stopped with the “we don’t debate safety” line. I tried all sorts of arguments to “prove them wrong” but always knew I couldn’t really do that because I was safe. A lot of my feelings - maybe like what you’re saying about the stroller - came from not being able to do it myself because of the way it worked. I can remember trying to refuse to have it put on a few times. I say try because my efforts were lame as I didn’t want to upset my parents (lol). I spent so many times watching my parents finish loading up while sitting strapped in and not able to help. I really hated that not being able to buckle the harness myself excluded me from that stuff. I don’t understand why really because loading groceries is hardly interesting to anyone, let alone a kid of my age then. It was other stuff too – waiting for everyone else to load stuff, get in when they were outside for whatever reason. I don’t know if that counts as a loss of independence? Seems like such a small thing. Though perhaps not when I think about the waiting before we drove and after we stopped combined with the times when we were driving. Does that make any sense at all?

I’m new here. Sorry if I’ve posted this in the wrong place! I decided to join because I want to share/explore/understand something from my childhood which has become really big in my life now. I have no idea why I feel the way I do about this one thing, but here goes… Right before middle school, my parents bought a minivan from a family we knew well. It didn’t have a full seat belt in the middle seat and the family had fitted this special harness. Being the youngest of three, my parents made me sit in the middle seat between my brothers and I had to wear the harness which I really hated. Today, for whatever reason, I miss it. I have a strong desire to be back wearing it which I think about every time I’m in a car (especially when I’m not the one driving). It's not a kinky thing at all (which is partly why I thought a lot about joining here), but just this intense wish to have that feeling back. I don’t just mean wearing the harness but the general situation and routine of having to wear it as well. I had to wear it from the summer before middle school until sometime into my sophomore year in high school. I have loads of memories and I wonder whether my experience being when it was, for as long as it was, had some sort of influence to make it what it is to me now? I don’t want anyone to think I’m expecting any sort of special/qualified assistance or anything like that at all. I just want to share and try to understand why this thing I hated in my childhood has morphed into some big thing in my adult life. Folks here seem really supportive and open to these sorts of discussions, so I hope I’m okay to post so openly with no specific question! Thanks.

Right before middle school, my parents bought a minivan from a family we knew well. Having two older brothers meant I had to sit in the middle seat. It didn’t have a full seat belt so the family who owned it before us had fitted a special harness. I had to wear it from the summer before middle school until sometime into my sophomore year in high school. It probably doesn’t need saying that none of my friends (or any kids I knew) at that time were in any sort of car seat. I hated having to wear the harness. I also hated being between my brothers, especially when we took long trips. It doesn’t really make any sense to me why I long for that situation again when I hated it so much at time.

Thanks so much. That's possible, but I wouldn't say I have any desire outside of repeating the experience I had. I've read that some like straitjackets and things like that, but that's not me. I guess weighted blankets would be sort-of similar but I don't know. I haven't thought about such a thing, so I won't dismiss it, but I think it wouldn't really come that close to the experience I long for. I think age regression is a big part of it. I never thought about it in such terms, but I guess none of us really want to grow up anyway! It's not a kinky thing at all and that's partly why I thought a lot about joining. It's more just wanting that feeling back - not just the harness but the general situation. Thanks so much. I figured it might make more sense to others here than it does for me right now. It's definitely difficult to understand. There's no way I would call it a "bad" childhood experience in the sense of any trauma. It was nothing like that. It was more the frustration of it, being different from my brothers, and the physical feeling of having to wear it. This seems like a really cool space here and I hope making a separate post about it will help me understand it all. Thanks!

I’ve gone over and over whether to join here. I’m honestly still not 100% whether this is the place for me. But, I read around a lot and most folks here seem super supportive, so here goes… I’m not into the diaper thing (sorry), and I don’t really think I’m AB either. Honestly, I can’t keep up with the acronyms but I think it’s awesome there are so many to help people share who they are. I maybe AB, but I really don’t know. I’ve never spoken to anyone about what I feel mainly because I don’t understand it. I don’t know what group I fit into yet, nor which acronym I would identify with, if any at all. Nonetheless, from reading around I don’t think I’m alone. I’m hoping being here might help with that. Here’s what I do know… I’m female and straight. One long-lasting and probably to anyone else totally-nothing childhood experience has proven, to my surprise, really big in my adult life. My parents bought a minivan from a family we knew well. I remember I was going into middle school when we got it. Being the youngest of three, I always had to sit in the middle seat. It didn’t have a full seat belt and the family who owned it before had this special harness put in. I hated having to wear it which I had to well into high school when we got another car. I didn’t think about it again until I began going in my friend’s cars. I always felt scared going anywhere with any of them, but in a sort very irrational way. I felt like I was doing something wrong or irresponsible, even though I knew I wasn’t. At first, I dismissed it. I blamed my anxiety on them having only just got their licenses. As I got older, my feelings just got more intense. It didn’t matter what car I was in, nor who was driving. I just found myself wanting every car ride to feel like it did when we had that minivan - to be in the middle seat wearing that special harness. None of this probably makes any sense. It doesn’t really make sense to me. I hated the harness then, I hated being between my older brothers, and I especially hated the longer trips we would make for vacations and other special trips. Why I long for it now, I have no idea. I only know that I do. I get this thread is for introductions, so I won’t say more here. I don’t know what the right discussion forum would be to explain in more detail because I don’t know what this means or where I fit in. Anyway, thanks for the forum. It seems like a cool space and I hope this all makes some sense to some body here.