[not shipping to USA rearz incontroldiapers]

Cheapest I can get bedry nights is now around $3.93 per diaper on sale. Woof 😬

[Wife Found Out]

On 4/26/2025 at 4:15 PM, foreverdl said:

I'm not sure where I posted part of my story but we were married about 10 yrs and till then I hid it well, our hrs of work overlapped, and my son was out playing, so I had some time, but when I did tell her it went over like a lead balloon. And we had a number of arguments, it took probably 10 years more, of some heated times, and then I was getting close enough to saying that I had some dribbling, and I did.. So I started wearing for work, then to bed, with the stress of it slowly getting better, it will take years, and I think 🤔 with the fact your wife is way better with your diapers than mine was it took us 5 yrs to get as close to a middle as I think you are now. Patience is the key, and don't push it or she may leave. Just give it time and maybe when she's in a good mood? you can ask nicely can we play with my diaper on? Just give it time is my advice....

Thanks foreverdl. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Sorry it was a long road,  it I’m glad you guys are to a better place now. At this point my wife has kind of shifted to a reluctant toleration. We both love each other and she has basically given me permission to wear diapers since we have too many other issues to focus on right now. I’m hoping I can just be there for her as a partner and show her love and support and that diapers don’t change anything. 

[I finally started my journey and it’s working]

Awesome. Really enjoyed hearing about your journey. I’m just now starting mine so it’s cool to see how things progressed over the weeks and months for ya. Great job on the achievement. 

[Rearz & InControl Spring Warehouse Sale]

I bought 5 cases and 3 onesies. Would love to buy more but no room. They have really nice prices as is and this is a nice sale on top. 

[Progressive Untraining]

On 4/18/2025 at 1:28 PM, Kevin140 said:

That's exactly my thing. I wore diapers for fun and peed as often as possible, without wanting to become incontinent.

But I wanted to become dependent on diapers.

It was all worth it. I enjoy now my overactive bladder because of it all, and when I go out on the town, a diaper is now the better option.

Nevertheless, I'm continuing to work on an urge incontinence by allowing my bladder to empty itself as often as possible, with or without a diaper, even with small amounts: in nature, in my pants, or when I'm still wearing a diaper, even with the slightest stimulus, no matter when or where... Unfortunately, the diaper didn't hold up well enough at home, a few minutes ago, so I had to clean up and change my clothes.

I'm working on making my bladder completely irritating so that it takes full control without my brain receiving any feedback.

In this case, it should no longer be important whether I achieve an overactive bladder, urge incontinence or full urinary incontinence.

This is really interesting. How long did you wear as much as you could and what did that look like in terms of hours per day, days per week? How long before you started seeing signs of slipping control?
 

On 4/18/2025 at 9:49 PM, spark said:

I post in a story about making a rookie mistake by flooding your diaper with one massive void.

I was like a lot of people a few years (it doesn't seem that long ago, but it was long before Covid).  I would wear frequently, but not all the time.  I always knew when I was going to pee, and it was a conscious to wet my diapers.  It would be the same amount when I used the toilet. Back then, I could pee on demand.  I step up to bat, and got the job done without much delay.  I also could cut the flow quickly, and my bladder was fairly strong.   It always felt like I choosing to go in the diaper, and I usually had to visualize a toilet to go.  It wasn't at all what I wanted.

I decided to set a timer and pee every ten minutes, no matter how much.  It broke that conditioning, and I started to pee without thinking about it.   FTR- that's where I want to be.  Right now, my bladder still sends an FYI message to command central when I'm about to go, and sometimes it fires before the brain responds.  And, once the gate opens, it won't close. It goes until it stops.  Sometimes it's bigger, and sometimes it small.

I wouldn't put a water quota on, but keeping yourself hydrated is always a good things.  It means drink water, and drink as much as you need to be comfortable.

How long of that intentional 10 minute wetting did you have to do before it took off? Sounds like you’re making good progress. 
 

On 4/18/2025 at 1:33 PM, widdlemikey said:

Not a doctor or anything, but I've avoided water intoxication by drinking a variety of fluids.  Water, milk, Gatorade or other sports drinks (sans caffiene).  And I eat a lot of fruits that have juices.  Just one AB's experiences in making myself wet more.

This is really neat and I hadnt thought about it, thanks for the ideas!

 

 

 

[Progressive Untraining]

So. Just a bit of fun here really. I’m not 24/7, but I am pushing my boundaries constantly. This isn’t an ongoing log of my untraining, but meant to engage all of the incontinenters here and get everyone’s thoughts on the approach. 

Right now my goal is 6:30am to 6pm M-F. Many days I can pull off as late as 8pm or so. Weekends are dicey. Just trying to find whatever time I can given time with wife and kids, though the baseline goal is 4 hours per day Saturday/Sunday. 

Overnights are probably off the table for the time being, but I’m planning a 24/7 stent today and aiming to drink 30oz of water every 2 hours. CAUTION here, as I think trying this could get out of hand and easily cause water intoxication or death. I’m not being self destructive, just really hoping to be wetting constantly. I know a liter per hour is about the max the kidneys can process. Also an occasional high-potassium electrolyte drink. Giving myself a diaper quota of 4 megamaxes today, expecting the overnight to take the longest and be the least soaked. My attempt at gamifying wearing today.

Also, a couple of years back I posted a thread mentioning part-time accident training and this is very much the goal still. What I mean by that is, I wear and wet freely as often as I can in diapers and when I’m undiapered, trying to keep a frequent cadence of bathroom breaks (30mins, 1 hour, maybe 1.5 hours max).

Now, here’s the essence of my goal and the question I’m proposing to you all. Can someone gamify and push boundaries without embracing the 12-month plan, and find oneself in a runaway train scenario? A point at which you are not incontinent, but you have been wearing and wetting so frequently for so long that time out of diapers becomes increasingly risky? A point where timers to go to the restroom every 30mins to an hour are no longer needed because your body’s timer has you running to the restroom? Small leaks start occurring. Maybe a full on accident. Maybe accidents. At which point diapers or some form of protection become necessary, and now you’re in a self-reinforcing cycle that’s taking off, like a runaway train.

 

[Wife Found Out]

So. I think it’s time for an update. Coming up on 2 and a half months now.

Man, this journey is some wild roller coaster of a fever dream. I thought the mo was out of sight out of mind. As in, those were her terms and she would be fine if I adhered to that. That turned out to be wishful thinking on my part. We’ve had a few blowups since then including “I can’t see myself married to a person who wears diapers without a medical need,” then the same day, me challenging my wife that it felt really nice and she didn’t understand because she had never experienced it. She accepted the challenge like Marty McFly and had me diaper her, then she wet it while on a zoom meeting and then changed after. Of course she didn’t “get it” but like wtf? It was really kind of exhilarating but I think she meant it more as a way to remove one of my bargaining chips. Or maybe just a loving act to try to understand me. The same day she said “maybe we come up with something like, you wear only while we’re doing housework.”

The agreement has shifted to an understanding that I will be wearing while working M-F. I keep pushing and eroding to wear earlier and later in the day. Weekends have been odd. I have tried just wearing like nbd, she has caught on a few times and blew up. She has worked from home some and punched me in the diaper playfully, I think to confirm that I was wearing. But then she chose to cuddle with me after, knowing I was in a soggy diaper. She’s been doing a lot of little teasing things like that but her words don’t align, the opposite in fact. Maybe she’s just trying to cope with this new weird thing. 

We went on a trip and I wore a pull up that I resolved not to wet as a kind of compromise. That evening she began to…caress, I guess. And she got super mad upon the realization of what I was wearing. So I was like “sorry, I thought it would be okay, it’s dry,” and took it off. Then she flipped back over in bed and was like “wait, if it’s dry, that might be good to keep things clean,” before saying “Nevermind, this is going too far.” Like she was literally on the cusp of giving me a …hand job… in a diaper? I’m genuinely confused on her hard line. And so I continue to push. 

Over the weekend we had another squabble about me wearing. I thought I would attempt a shot at something like being considerate and asked her if she thought there was a good time for me to wear that Saturday. Or whether or not I could redeem her offer to wear while cleaning. “You know I’m not comfortable with that.” It blew up again, I continued to reason and express that I literally feel like this is part of me, that I can’t fix it. And that I can’t see a life without diapers or without her. It’s all some surreal mindfuck and I’m doing my best to keep it together. I don’t blame her. I know it must be hard, as it would be for anyone learning that this kind of secret is now being thrust out into the open. I go back and forth between feeling liberated and devastated at my spoiled brattiness (see Rapunzel escapes her tower in Tangled, my wife’s not Gothel though).  The weekend plan for me until our next exchange will be just wearing occasionally and not mentioning it since we’re still unclear (the blow up ended in her backing down a bit but was still pretty vague).

And she seems to have landed on a begrudging acceptance. I don’t know. I don’t want to push too fast of course, but I also have this growing compulsion to not hide or feel ashamed and my hunger for wearing is insane. I’ve spoken with my therapist twice in depth so far and I think it’s going well. Trying to reinforce that I don’t want to stop, I just want to understand and explore any potential related trauma or neglect that may have spurred things on. My therapist recommended receiving more physical affection from my wife since I described a wet diaper as like a warm hug. And my wife has subsequently been holding my hand and pulling my face into her chest and even skirting on baby talk. I had a birthday and she called me her big birthday boy. It’s hard to remember everything, but just lots of little teases and things along those lines. It’s kind of incredible, but like I said, so confusing. Next assignment from my therapist is to keep a diaper journal noting what all I feel and appreciate when I’m wearing and wetting.

And that’s it! Wish me luck. I’d really love to find myself on the other side of all this, diapered and happily married. Time will tell. 

[Diaper Rec?]

On 3/28/2025 at 10:16 AM, Little Sherri said:

Rearz's InControl brand makes a diaper called a BeDry - there are three versions. The BeDry EliteCare and BeDry Night are higher-capacity, higher price, although still less than the MegaMax, at least here in Canada. But the regular BeDry is very comfy, has decent capacity for a "daytime weight" diaper, and they cost about $3 a diaper here (~$2 USD). 

Wow! I hadn’t heard of these. The capacity on the three types sounds insane. And it sounds like they are very quality as well. Ordering some of the standards and nighttime now. Thanks @Little Sherri!

also grabbed a bunch of NSC lighter options to try out. I’ll give a shootout here as thanks to you guys, if anyone cares 😛
 

[Diaper Rec?]

Dang. Yeah, I think at this point I might just bite the price bullet and try out all the lighter options from Northshore. 
 

I’m really afraid I’ll lose too much capacity though. They have a buy 4 packs mix and match for 10% off and I could get some sample packs too. 
 

Airlock Megamax, Supreme, Airlock supreme all list capacity at around 40oz vs megamax 49oz. And then if I go down to megamax lite, those are around 30 oz capacity. I’m assuming capacity correlates to size pretty closely (at least after using). 

[Onesie?]

Awesome! I’ve seen lots of thoughts across topics but wasn’t sure what the current consensus was. Big thanks to everyone! ☺️

[Onesie?]

Not looking for baby prints. Really plain, preferably white or black just to wear under clothes and keep everything compressed and in place. 

[Diaper Rec?]

So, I love Northshore Megamax and wear these every day. I really would like something quality that’s a bit more discreet though for certain times in public. 
 

Is there something that has about half the cruising range/capacity and a smaller profile with quieter tapes for public? Cost is also a consideration. I use better dry intermittently to counterbalance $3 per diaper. But I’m really disappointed in their quality, at least lately. Are there any other brands on par with Northshore I should check out? Best quality and most cost effective?

[Wife Found Out]

On 2/17/2025 at 11:20 PM, Dartplayerinwvc said:

 

Hey thanks, I don’t know if we’re there yet where she would want to chat with someone right away, but I appreciate it and I might dm you in the weeks and months to come. 

On 2/18/2025 at 12:21 PM, PuraVidaDip said:

Well that's nice she shows you so much affection! My advice would have been to remove the diaper (wipe yourself clean of pee/ powder) and then go try and show her affection without them. If she demures, but the diaper back on. It can be a delicate dance.

This is what I wound up doing. 

15 hours ago, PuraVidaDip said:

This is the same update you gave the other day. I for some reason have been thinking about this. While you don't need to go to great length to hide things, you shouldn't go the route of purposely leaving things like receipts laying around. That sounds sketchy and manipulative.

Amen!

I reposted so I could remove it from my other replies - didn’t want it to get lost in the thicket. Hey, so if you don’t mind, could you expand on why that’s sounding sketchy and manipulative? Maybe receipt wasn’t the best example as in “OH, DID I LEAVE THAT THERE. WHOOPS!” Real example from yesterday. I had a leak and needed to wash my plastic pants. Previously, this would have been a top secret operation. But this time I just washed them with a normal load of laundry. She moved these from the washer to the dryer, which wasn’t necessarily my plan and I don’t think she even noticed. And then I removed them from the dryer without her noticing. However, if she had found them in the laundry then no big deal. Normalizing, not manipulating. At least in my mind, but I might have some not-so-pure intentions that I need to turn from. 

[Wife Found Out]

MICRO-UPDATE:

So, in a pledge to feel more comfortable and in light of my wife allowing me to wear for comfort when I need to, I decided to wear at home today while I worked. The catch is, my wife had the day off so this meant wearing in her presence 😱

I still did it, jittery as can be. And it was pretty fine. I wore loose sweats and have some compression shorts on underneath to smooth it all out. I was feeling pretty good. I even ordered 4 cases of dips, a case of wipes, and a third pair of plastic pants 💪

Now here’s where this story takes a turn. About 30 mins ago, I was sitting bed working, relaxing and wetting my second diaper of the day. And my wife rolls up and takes my computer, moves my stuff and sits on my lap. Let me confirm, she DID NOT know I had a diaper on. Holy. Shit. She just sat on my lap and looked at me lovingly, wanting some cuddles. I was so awkward, as confident as I had hoped to be. I was just waiting for the guillotine. She then began rubbing around my waste-band. The one saving grace was a blanket between us, but I seriously thought I was effed. After a few minutes of trying to distract her and showing some affection, I said that I needed to get back to work and she rolled off. That was too close for comfort. I feel like if she had noticed it would have been catastrophic. I'm freaking dying inside, someone please help me!!! 😭

And that’s pretty much it. I’m sitting here with an hour of work left wondering if I want to change out, but also committed to not feeling so insecure and trying to normalize this, even with the close call. My wife and kids will be here tomorrow and Wednesday since we’ll be snowed in. But I don’t want to keep postponing wearing. Not sure how I’ll approach it yet. Maybe just one diaper tomorrow, when I’m not as afraid of being sat on. Also, gotta say. For as mortified as I was, it was kinda hot 🤭

[Wife Found Out]

On 2/16/2025 at 4:15 AM, Dartplayerinwvc said:

YOU need to get the WIFE in a connection with someone else that "FOUND OUT" maybe that will take the edge off the razor.... YOU need to take alot of responsibility here for this since you were NOT honest to begin with. My own wife has been reading this thread and while she is NOT into AB or DL and KNEW IT ahead of time - MS Multiple Sclerosis has other plans

On 2/13/2025 at 12:45 PM, Dartplayerinwvc said:

I wish! I really don’t think that’s the case but I’ll be sure to post it here if there are any signs. Thanks for the resources, I’ll check those out. 

Get on the podcasts "Love In Brief" AND TALK TO EACH OTHER make it a "DATE NIGHT" - YOUR side and then treat her to a dinner somewhere of HER choice and have some peace and quiet. Rekindle that LOVE you HAD... Love In Brief has the VERY TITLE of this situation you are looking for help with.

my wife who is following this writes: 

I agree with the wife that it's not a turn on....that's why I always wanted to see you in underwear cause to me.....that's sexy). But you're situation is different now.

 

Thanks. I’ve been listening to that podcast, really neat. I think it’s just helping me normalize all of this too. I would love to try to find someone for my wife to talk to as well as sharing this podcast with her but I’m just trying to not rush it too much. Please thank your wife for her perspective and let me know if she has any other nuggets. 
 

On 2/16/2025 at 5:17 PM, Diapersareforlovers said:

I don’t know the true power dynamics in your relationship. I’m assuming you’re the “dominant” one and she’s the submissive. 
 

Unfortunately, our society has constructed power dynamics that can sometimes not blend well with this. However, women are now becoming dominant, breadwinners, calling the shots, etc..

It seems like you and your wife are more “old school” and she doesn’t see you as dominant and sexy with diapers. Our society associates diapers with weakness and she aligns with that, even if it’s bogus…

You need to be dominating and strong in your explanation and not have your head in your hands. When you start being confident in yourself with this and with her she may see it differently and not think it’s a problem… and will respect your fetish.

You could even include her and see how she likes being submitted, regressed, babied, etc… however might be better down the line alittle.

if your wife cannot open her mind or is not open minded about it and just will not accept it and you want to stay with her then you need to accept that and keep it private for yourself and do not include.

 

 

 

Thanks for the feedback. For power dynamics, we kinda go back and forth. We both work. Both raise our kids. I may have overplayed the head in the hands thing - I’m actually not really certain that happened. I was a little intoxicated so my memory is fuzzy. It wasn’t a sad, pathetic, display. If anything I feel like I kinda steamrolled her in the conversation.

But you’re definitely right. As I try to understand all of this and put together what having this out in the open means, I’m realizing how down I’ve been on myself for so many years. It feels really good to be kinda free, but I now see that I have to own this if I ever hope to have her be accepting or even involved. I can’t open up and say “yeah, this is terrible, isn’t it terrible?” And not expect her to agree that it’s terrible. 

[Wife Found Out]

8 minutes ago, wellpaddedagain said:

@Stone if you’re willing to I’d like to shoot you a pm. My wife and I are Christian and she found out about 10 years ago after being married for about 6 years. I realize every situation is different but maybe you’d be interested in connecting?  In private messaging though. 

Hey there @wellpaddedagain, yeah that sounds wonderful. Would love to connect. 

[Wife Found Out]

UPDATE. 

So. It’s been about 2 weeks since my first post here. It feels like so much longer. Just having this out there, not really resolved and knowing that I didn’t do a great job of explaining it to my wife. 

I met with a therapist this past Tuesday. It was fine but we didn’t really click. I mentioned diapers to her and what was going on, which was really hard and mortifying? She was encouraging and accepting but still, we didn’t really click. I called and had a consultation with another kink-allied therapist yesterday and I think it’s going to be a whole lot better. Not meeting with her for a few weeks though. 

So, this whole thing has been eating me up. Like I had a month stent of no diapers until my wife found out, and after that it was like the seal was broken. I don’t know if it’s just that having shared something so secretive felt so good or what exactly, but it’s been constantly on my mind. So I did give in and resume wearing Thursday. 

Yesterday we had a lovely Valentine’s Day and got takeout and some THC beverages. Well, I don’t know if it was the weed or something else, but my wife could tell that I really wanted to talk more and she pried it out of me. We went back and forth, with me holding my head in my hands when my wife said “you’re getting therapy, you’re not going to do it any more…” And I couldn’t just let it stay there. I explained to her again that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with diapers and that I really enjoy them and I don’t want to stop. I kept trying to explain that I desperately want us to be on the same page, for her to understand, but that I feel like she’s really not understanding. We landed on my wife saying “Go to counseling. Read your book (thanks @PuraVidaDip for the rec), and if you need to use them, then that’s fine. Do what you need to do. Just don’t let me see you in one because it’s not exactly a turn on.” I think that’s a very fair answer but I still gave a tiny bit of pushback, saying “see, that’s what I’m trying to avoid. I don’t like the idea of this causing you to see me differently.”

And that was it. But this gives me something to work with. She knows I will be wearing diapers. She gets a baseline of why and has some low-level of initial acceptance. I really like how @Little Sherri approaches things with his wife and I can kind of seeing it go similarly with us over time. I think I’m just going to have small nods to dips for a while, wipes and barrier cream in our bathroom. Maybe eventually throwing plastic pants in the laundry. Leave a receipt on the counter? She comes home early some day and I’m in a diaper and she doesn’t even realize until she does? Slowly she sees the outline from time to time, I try to gain ground where I can. Overtime it becomes more and more normalized until diapers are just my underwear? And if a therapist can help me explore my emotional need, neat. And if the therapist can help me understand her POV and she can get this thing a little better, great. Again, thanks everyone and I’ll keep you guys posted 🫣

[Wife Found Out]

On 2/10/2025 at 3:20 AM, Diapersareforlovers said:

Well, you fucked yourself by not being honest with yourself and her. It also sounds like she has “hand” or power in your relationship/dynamic. Stick up for yourself and be confident in your explanation to her. Tell her upfront exactly what you like and don’t want. Then show her or give her some links for literature.. tell her you’re sorry for not being honest and that you were nervous about telling.. its the dishonesty that people don’t like..

If SHE rejects you and your explanation, tell her it’s who you are and you can’t change it. If she still gives you a hard time, divorce! 
 

I wouldn’t say she took it well. She took it okay. She’s eluding to pedophilia and she’s already bringing up a therapist which means she sees it as a problem…one that she can’t talk with you about or is so serious needs to get a therapist involved?

You have an opportunity to set it straight with her and be confident in yourself. The lack of confidence is a turn off for her and symbolizes you’re guilty… to her. She kinda sounds like a bitch no offense. Don’t let her disrespect you man.  Again you have an opportunity to be confident & strong and spin this in a positive way so her mind can open up.. if not it’s on her.

 

and listen, if you don’t want to divorce her or separate or what have you, you need to tell her then that this is a sexual fetish with an object and you will always have it, if she doesn’t want to indulge fine but you need this. You can love someone and still enjoy your own thing to yourself. If she doesn’t respect THAT. Tell her to look for a new husband

I wouldn’t get a therapist involved. Why include a third party? Why can’t you and her communicate about this? 

I know I’m being very aggressive and strong with this, just sit her down be confident and loving. Hug her before etc, make her feel safe and that you care about her. You just need to sit down and explain it to her. One step at a time.

Thanks for the tough love, sincerely. I really do need to build that confidence, something I’m finding. I’m not there yet but I’m getting closer. 

On 2/11/2025 at 10:05 PM, foreverdl said:

The one thing is I haven't seen unless I missed it in my reading, I have heard of the wife's that used it against them, and had pictures of the things like ABDL outfit tuff etc, and then when they divorced they threatened them and took full custody with no visits for the kids, or they slammed them in open court,  then everyone will know.. Just take the advice here a lot of good advice, and go slow be careful . I am mostly Dl, but I didn't make it doing without any of the diapers et, and I was sneaking around for years, and it's still after coming up on our 30 year anniversary I told her over 15 years ago we are much better , but still some friction when the wrong thing is said, and she wants nothing to do with it, except for being somewhat ok with me getting diapers and some non male clothing  but I am older and now I do have a need for diapers now, so that helps make it Different ..

But due to both of us having gone through cancer and health problems we haven't had sex in over 10 years so sex is not a concern of hers, I take care of myself..

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m learning a lot about myself as I dig deeper into all of this and it feels so silly for hiding for so long but I’m feeling hopeful. I’m not concerned about divorce or custody stuff, we have our problems but neither of us are quitting. 

11 hours ago, Anton said:

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I understand a bit where you are at, as my journey has been similar. However, I was upfront with my wife when we first started dating. Her reaction was similar to your wife, didn’t want to talk about it much, wanted me to seek counseling and did not want to see it or have diapers in the house. As a younger man (mid 20’s) I believed I could stop. That didn’t last for long. After marriage, getting our first home and starting a family, I realized I would not be able to ignore this side of me. We had several talks during this time, which always led to fights and resentment. We were active in our church and I believe my wife was worried people would find out. I also think she was embarrassed that her husband had this secret. Also, the older I got and the more I looked into my early thoughts and desires for diapers, the more I began to understand what I wanted and needed. My earliest memories (from about 3 years and beyond) include a strong desire to be back in diapers. More specifically to be put in diapers by a woman that loved me. it took years for me to put together why that was. We did eventually come to an agreement where wearing and having diapers in the home was accepted. I did not wear to bed or have diapers out and about. She still did not want to see them, which was fine. Now many years later, and experiencing bedwetting again (i wet the bed until I was 19) and daytime urgency, I am in diapers almost all the time and wear openly around her. While she is accepting, I know that she would prefer that diapers were a thing of the past.

The mistake I made in the beginning was showing so much shame, that she saw diapers as shameful and did not want that for me. I have not been able to change that in the 30 years we have been together. If I could change one thing, I would have spent more time understanding this side of me and less effort trying to convince her of something I was still unsure of myself. Rarely do we have both youth and wisdom.

Counseling is a great start. I saw a counselor early on that was very helpful. She did not think there was a problem with wearing diapers, but did want to try to get to the reason for the desire. My wife did not want to participate in the counseling sessions and I ended up not going back after the first few. We have gone to couples counseling more recently with a Christian counselor. He also did not see anything wrong with wearing diapers, but wanted to help resolve the conflict between the two of us. My wife wasn’t not interested in diving deeper into the topic of diapers, so we worked through other areas of conflict and that’s where we are today. 

You note that you are a person of faith. I am as well. I believe that God brought my wife and I together and know my life is considerably better for her being in my life. I believe she feels similar about me. I wish I had honored and cherished her more earlier in the relationship and that we had prayed more together. I also wish I had fought for us, rather than fought with her. It is easy to become self focussed when working through something so deeply connected to our being. She is not an outsider, but she has no real idea what you are feeling or why. I really hope the two of you are able to work through this in a way that brings you closer to each other and deeper in your faith. I will be praying for you and your family. We have a real enemy that wants to destroy what God has put together. Family is something to be protected and cherished. Congratulations on what you have built so far. Please keep us posted on your journey. You are not alone. 

It’s so good to hear your story. I’m sorry that there have been a lot of rough patches. It’s crazy to hear experiences like yours and see so much that sounds similar. What I’ve been doing since my first post here is to try to keep lines of communication open. It’s kinda killing me to have it float around without ever pinning things down. I know a lot of it needs to be taken slow, but I’m also constantly tweaking my approach and trying to better explain to my wife what diapers mean to me. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers brother, I need them. 
 

On 2/13/2025 at 1:45 PM, Dartplayerinwvc said:

 

I wish! I really don’t think that’s the case but I’ll be sure to post it here if there are any signs. Thanks for the resources, I’ll check those out. 

[Wife Found Out]

On 2/6/2025 at 1:21 PM, Wheels said:

I think many partner's worst fear when they learn that the person they are with likes to wear diapers are basically three things. One, it means that their partner that wears diapers must be into children. Another, they must be really twisted if they like to pee and poop in their diapers. And the third, sometimes they feel like they're going to be replaced sexually by the diapers.

So obviously the first one can be squashed, but there are some good websites out there that explain what the "AB" is all about and what it does for people. Try to find one of the sites that list statistics reinforcing that a person that feels like an adult baby have no more chance of being a pedophile then anybody else in society. As far as the third part, it's a good thing to tell your partner that any sexual interest that show up as a result of diapers is not something that's going to replace your attraction to her. And if you're fortunate enough that she chooses later on down the road to indulge and participate and help you feel good wearing diapers, I think it's important to take that very slow and maybe only do it once in a while so she sees you can still have "normal" sexual times with her. As far as her understanding why somebody would enjoy peeing or pooping in a diaper, that might take some more time because obviously most people out there will associate such a thing with either mental illness or just bad hygiene practices.

Personally I feel that choosing to deny any kind of sexual interest or the use of diapers for their intended purpose is not necessarily a good way to go. It's something that is ingrained within you, and to deny that will be very difficult over the long run. But hopefully if you're able to get her to understand that the first and third thing I mentioned above is absolutely not true, it might ease a lot of her fears and apprehension about what's going on. Just try to be patient, it's not likely to happen overnight.

You make a lot of good points here. You know, the thought of my wife as a mommy is very enticing, but there are plenty of sexual interests outside of diapers. And I do mean it that it’s mostly nonsexual. When I wear and use that’s kinda wear it stops? But I do take your point. Small steps right now and small wins is what I’m hoping for. 

On 2/7/2025 at 12:32 PM, PuraVidaDip said:

It's positive she mentioned a kink-affirming therapist. My only recommendation is to not dive in too deep and don't bring it up a bunch. But this is coming from someone who calls their wife mommy in front of nearly everyone (we have kids which is when she started allowing it). So not sure that's helpful. I was 100% open about this during our dating. I am glad you mentioned it to her. That will help. Perhaps the therapy will turn into some couples therapy and hopefully she can open up! My wife doesn't really share this desire at all but she wears occasionally. I wear all the time for a variety of reasons but effectively really leaned into a bout of incontinence I had.

Yeah, mentioning it off handedly way back when actually does seem to have had somewhat of a positive impact. We talked again last night and she said that it’s always been in the back of her head, so it makes this not as shocking. I’m really jelly of your setup, honestly. 

On 2/12/2025 at 1:00 PM, PuraVidaDip said:

Check out Youre Not Broken by Dr. Rhoda

 

WOW. This book is crazy, I’ve read most of it since yesterday and it’s wild how she gets to the bottom of everything. The shame and lack of self-acceptance, fully exploring what ABDL looks like and how it’s not some despicable thing, guides for talking to my partner, and a whole chapter meant for her to read? Serious game changer here. I used a lot of what I read when we talked last night, but I’ll list more in my general update. 

[Wife Found Out]

22 hours ago, tgrdpr said:

That sounds like a really stressful situation to be in. I'm sorry, it must be difficult. I hope the best for you!

I'm glad you're looking forward to the therapist. A kink friendly one is definitely a good idea, and will hopefully be a good resource to navigate this situation.

Good job on telling the truth about the audiobook even if you feel guilty for not being totally transparent. Clearly you love your wife a great deal and that was IMO reversing your lie was a wise thing.

 

Yeah, I don’t feel great about deceiving and I feel guilty at the relief I’m experiencing, but it is really nice to be somewhat better known and understood. At this point I’m really split between caring for my wife and for the future of our marriage and the DL side. I guess that this is something everyone in this community has to deal with, so not sure why I’m building it up so much even now. Thanks for your kind words.

 

22 hours ago, Rachael-Little said:

Honestly I’m not sure I can help much I made my ex aware of my ABDL side half way into the marriage and she tried to understand and reluctantly participated a couple of times but was never her thing. I wasn’t great in bed and I’m sure that was an issue for her.

Just try and go slow and don’t push it too much 

That’s unfortunate, I’m sorry. It’s nice that it wasn’t a total deal breaker for her though. Yeah, I definitely don’t want try to force anything or even necessarily bring it in sexually. Thanks for your advice - we haven’t spoken about I since Sunday and I guess that’s how it will stay probably until I start unpacking in therapy.
 

19 hours ago, oznl said:

You’re standing at one of life’s forks in the road right now and you have to choose which route to take.

One way is a theological one: renounce this aspect of yourself and resolve to bury it forever.  In my experience, this kind of thing won’t stay renounced for long.  It’s wired in too deep.  It’s a part of who we are.  Its’ almost-inevitable resurgence will bring with it deception and guilt certainly and probably discovery (your CarPlay moment here is par for the course btw) and then, further relationship damage.  By your own words, deception is already at play already here.

The other way is an attempt at recognition and regulation.  Hopefully, by dragging this out of the closet, examining it and understanding it, this could be integrated into your married life in some kind of mutually acceptable way.  There’s NO guarantee that this will happen.  ABDL runs counter to a number of deep psychological drivers for mums.  There is some cause for hope here if she has advised counsel from a psychologist.  If she’d gone for talking to a pastor or a church elder (since you mentioned church) I would say all would be lost there.

There’s no road leading to “cure me of this” which is, I suspect, the non-existent road your partner will be wanting and expecting you to take.

There’s also no obligation on her part to participate in ANY of this.  You’re within your rights to expect at least an effort at understanding along with some tolerance and space but anything on top of that is butter on your bread.

Caveats:  I don’t know your wife.  I don’t know you.  YMMV.  This is all my opinion but you DID ask for that 🤣

Hey, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. I really appreciate the perspective. It’s a tough spot, and I’ve been wrestling with these options (two paths) myself.

I completely agree that trying to suppress this aspect of myself would likely just cause more harm in the long run. The guilt and deception are already tough, and I can see how burying it would only lead to more issues down the road. I’m trying to approach it differently now, aiming for understanding and transparency, but I know that doesn’t guarantee a smooth path either.

You’re right about ABDL being in conflict with some deep psychological drivers. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist can help navigate this, and I really respect her desire for us to work through it in a healthy way. But, like you said, there’s no “fixing” it, and it’s not something I expect her to really embrace. I could be wrong though?

I’m trying to find a balance between respecting where she’s coming from and trying to dig deeper. It’s a process, and I’m still figuring it out. But she doesn’t seem too interested in talking more yet. Your advice about managing expectations and seeking understanding without expecting her to fully participate really resonates... I’ll keep it in mind moving forward. Also, yeah - she is pretty cool and down to earth in seeking therapy services and actively avoiding Christian therapists. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, just that we both appreciate therapy based more purely in psychology. 

Thanks again for the response, talking through this is helping me piece everything together a little more clearly. 

Sorry guys, drafting these in notes on my phone and not really sure how to fix the font size 🤔

19 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Tough one. This is definitely a minefield you find yourself walking in. I basically agree with the above - she should leave you some space to be you, however you can't really expect her to participate, if that's a bridge too far for her. I think you have to stop thinking about "this" as wrong; unusual, yes, and against the grain of much of our training and sort of cultural indoctrination, but, if you liked to sew outfits for rats, that would also be unusual, and also against many people's ingrained preferences, but as long as you're gentle with the rats, no harm, no foul. Is it wrong to like owning loud motorcycles, or collecting vintage women's shoes? So why is wearing unconventional underpants wrong? Other than your own wallet, and maybe the integrity of your skin, who are you hurting? Are model trains age-appropriate? Or collecting dolls? Lots of people are into those things. This is a side of yourself that you were unable to explore as a child, because you didn't have agency, you didn't get to choose your wardrobe, you didn't have a budget and you didn't know how to articulate these things, even to yourself. But whereas, as a kid, you really wanted a working model steamship, and your parents would never lay out the money for it, now, you have your own money, and guess what? You can have that working steamship. Or that box of diapers, as the case may be. Now, as an adult, you can work out your relationship with the clothes you wore as a child, if that is what you are drawn to. 

Anything else is a judgement, in my opinion. You might think it's ridiculous that she likes Hallmark movies, but that's fine, you don't have to watch them. Nor should she have to change diapers, or be unduly subjected to them, if it's not her thing, but in the spirit of the relationship, you might sit down and watch a crappy movie with her, and so it goes that perhaps she could be cool and let you wear a diaper under your pajamas while you watch that crappy movie. 

Just make sure that whatever it is that she loves, or wants to be indulged in, you're there for her, so that the giving and the tolerance doesn't feel one-sided. I wish you all the luck in the world. I have reached a detent with my spouse, wherein I can wear diapers, and she make sarcastic comments, and I don't live in a van, or a small condo, at least as of yet. But as @oznl said, YMMV. 

I see what you’re saying about how this isn’t really “wrong,” just unusual. It’s something I’ve carried guilt over for a long time, so I’m trying to move past that.

I’m not really looking for my wife to participate, but her unearthing this has made me realize how much I want to be accepted and not have to hide. It’s a little rough feeling like I need to keep this secret since all of forever.

I also totally agree with what you said about honoring each other’s interests. My wife loves Hallmark movies, and I definitely dread them. I could do a much better job watching them with her. I think that’s the kind of give and take I need to focus on - her interests, just like I hope she’ll support mine, even if she doesn’t share them.

Thanks for the advice.

13 hours ago, Elfy said:

Honestly, bearing in mind the circumstances, it sounds like your wife took it well. You should definitely feel grateful for that after all the horror stories I've heard over the years!

I suggest a therapist might be a good idea but I also think your wife has a few misapprehensions. She mentioned about it not being "age appropriate", if it were me I would want to know what she means by this. I'd be concerned that she is suggesting that I have an interest in younger people and I would definitely want to set that straight. I don't know what your explanation sounded like but one of the biggest misconceptions people usually get about us is that we're perverts into babies. You might want to make sure she knows that your interest is purely in ADULTS wearing diapers, if you haven't done so already.

She also talked about childhood trauma which caused it. Again, I don't know your life or anything, but was there any trauma you think might've contributed to wearing diapers? If so, then she may be right. Seeing a kink-positive therapist might be a good idea. If not, again, you might want to tell her so.

I'll just say again. Your wife does seem to have taken the news very well. I would definitely try to spoil her a little. Take her out on a nice date or something. You've been quite lucky to land someone who isn't immediately judgmental!

Good luck going forwards and keep us updated if anything more happens  

I feel really grateful that my wife took it as well as she did - definitely a relief compared to some of the stories I’ve read.

You make a good point about the “age appropriate” thing. I might need to circle back just in case she has any notion of that in her head. I’ll bring it up again and make sure we’re on the same page, don’t want to chance there being any misunderstanding there.

As for the childhood trauma, I’m not sure if that’s at play here. I don’t feel like there’s any trauma I’ve identified that would explain it, but I’m open to exploring that with a kink-positive therapist. I’ve also read up on EMDR and not sure it will just make me uncover repressed memories or something. 

I’m really lucky that she’s supportive (of me, not necessarily DL) so far, and I’ll take your advice to spoil her a bit. I’ll make better efforts to strengthen our connection. Thanks for your feedback, and I’ll keep everyone posted of future developments!

[Wife Found Out]

So on the way to church Sunday, I had my phone plugged in and apple car play on screen. What I didn’t notice was an audible thumbnail for an ABDL story. My wife asked what it was and I said “hmm, I don’t know,” but I realized that was really stupid and immediately said “no, no. I know what it is.” The kids were in the car so I couldn’t say much more. Her mouth just hung open in shock for the entirety of the ride, but I’ll pause the story here for some background. 

Lifetime DL, “gave it up” around the age of 18 and started dating my now wife when I was 19. I told her about diapers very briefly but told her it was just a gross fetish that I didn’t have any more, which I thought was accurate at the time. Fast forward to 2022 when I had too many FSA dollars and wanted to revisit wearing and using. This quickly turned into multiple years of FSA funds being poured into cases and I regularly wore while working from home, disposing with no one noticing. During this time, I thought about lying and saying that I was losing control and needed diapers but decided that would be way too hard, risky, and not sure that I could go on without feeling like a piece of crap. I didn’t want my wife to think I was a freak, and even more - I didn’t want her to see me in a different light, like lose attraction for me as a man. 

I gave up diapers again around the beginning  of this year, feeling too much shame and guilt over the long term deception and all of the micro-deceptions it required. I supposed that I would tell her whenever enough time had passed for it to just be a good laugh, or maybe just die with the knowledge. Then Sunday happened. 

I had the kids get out of the car for 2 minutes ahead of us and gave a quick overview - wear and wet during the day,  non sexual (this is like 90% true), quit recently out of guilt, been a thing since mid-2022, brings me comfort and joy and makes work suck less. Church was very awkward and I kept glancing over feeling scared and dumb. 

When we finally got to drop the girls off at Girl Scouts that afternoon, we got to have the dreaded conversation. I basically reiterated and she was still shocked, she had thought the audiobook was self-help for recovering ABDLs and not some kind of literotica. You can kind of see where her mind was going as I explained further (self-help). She really didn’t have many questions which really surprised me. She assured me of her love and that I didn’t need to worry about her thinking I was a freak, but then also…she wants me to work outside of the home more and see a EMDR therapist to uncover whatever childhood trauma might have caused this. I agreed but then started to get a bad taste in my mouth. I explained that the deception was wrong of me, and I felt really bad, but that I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with diapers. She argued that I must think there is something wrong with it, otherwise I wouldn’t have hidden it. And that it’s clearly wrong because “it’s not age appropriate”. 

I guess a response like this should be expected but I’m a little at a loss. I’m excited for a therapist, and my wife has even recommended finding a “kink-affirming” therapist. I think this could help bridge the gap in our understanding and might even open the door to me wearing freely (on occasion or under defined circumstances) without shame. But I’m still reeling from it all. I feel very awkward and when I’m around my wife I’m always wondering if she’s derping me in her head.

I still feel that I can’t be 100% transparent. Like that I do occasionally mess diapers, or that the stimulation of it all can lead to sexual feelings (though this isn’t super regular), and that certain AB aspects and domination in a setup is a turn on. As we were talking through it she said at one point “What? Do you want me to be your mommy?” And while I quickly denied it, man, if I had a chance to roleplay and be cared for like that. Idk. Sounds like heaven. But that’s my story and I would love any feedback that any of you guys could offer. 
 

[24/7 + maintaining bowel control - possible?]

On 12/29/2024 at 1:22 PM, longislandguy said:

I’ve been 24/7 for over a year. Still have complete bowel control when I wish to use it. 

Nice, @longislandguy. Are you actively trying to keep control or is bowel IC an eventual goal in your untraining?

 

On 12/29/2024 at 2:38 PM, Little BabyDoll Christine said:

Many children over 4 were in diaytime diapers for wetting but not bowlel when I was little. Girls were often kept in diapers longer than boys for wetting as a (mistaken) matter of course but were bowel continent

I hadn’t really considered that. I obviously have a lot of preconceived notions and ignorance. Thanks for the unique and valuable information. 
 

17 hours ago, oznl said:

I'm coming up for 6 years of "24/7" where I've made little to no effort to control my bladder but have continued to practice bowel control.

On the urinary side of the house, I'm a bed wetter now and may well wet the bed if I don't wear a nappy at night.  I will tell you that I still have daytime continence but I have very little bladder holding capacity (generally only an hour assuming I'm hydrated).  I find myself in wet nappies I can't remember wetting from time to time.  I will often wet myself automatically if I stand in front of a running tap.  I pee in very small amounts, very frequently and often in fits and starts with dripping in between and once I've started peeing, I cannot stop.  I just have to wait for it to finish.

On the bowel side, all things being equal, I have full control.

But...

If I have eaten something that doesn't agree with me to the point where there might be a loose bowel movement, I need to be close to a bathroom when the urge strikes.  If I try to hold, I may find myself in a situation where I'm not close enough to a bathroom and I simply cannot hold.  Maybe it's been partly psychological, because I'm wearing a nappy (I know that I'm somewhat dressed for such an event and at the end of the day, it will be ok) but they still feel like real accidents when they happen and they're no respecter of place or time.

They're not common, probably less than once per month but they DO happen and in the "before" times, they were unheard of.  A small one I might be able to ignore for an hour or two.  I've had ones that have required a "stop what you are doing and go change" intervention.  Rare but part of the new reality.

So, if your experience resembles mine, you won't necessary become bowel incontinent but you may well become more accident-prone and the odd full nappy would be a fact of life.

Very cool insights, @oznl. This sounds very reassuring. I guess some slippage could be expected but doesn’t necessarily mean untraining will result in a full loss of control. Would you say even with a little more occasional #2 accidents, you’ve been able to avoid being “compromised” around others/in public?

 

14 hours ago, Goerge said:

For somebody like me who is trying to achieve bowel incontinence and wearing 24/7 I have noticed I am more in a routine with my bowel movements now. I'm have 3 small movements a day mainly after eating a meal and these are reflex BM's where they just push themselves out with effect and without the automatic clench afterwards. I'm very regular now with a good fibre diet with plenty of water, sometimes I have to give a little push to get things going if my stool is firmer but again no clench afterwards. When I do give a little push I involuntary and uncontainable wet my nappy a little bit in the same way that happens when I  cough. I suspect my pelvic floor is getting weaker?

The daily and social aspects of bowel incontinence or not as bad as I was catastrophizing about. Honestly for me the clean up isn't too much hassle, at home or in public. I have messed in front of people many times which they would have noticed but nobody has said anything negative to me, they will know I have incontinence issues. I just quietly change without any fuss. Going 24/7 for both pee and poops is much easier for me then I thought, but I don't have to worry about being incontinent in the work place because I'm disabled and on disability benefits and the environments I hang around at are disability friendly and their isn't really the stigma with incontinence within these settings. I live in a group home and attend a NHS day centre for people with disabilities are at the day centre there are a number of people who are incontinent and need nappies. In the group home the staff know I have problems with continence and its just accepted... So I'm really happy about this and I feel whole now that I'm seen as  double incontinent.

 

@Goerge, I envy your setup in a lot of ways. I wish I could be freer with desires to untrain and not worry too much about scrutiny but I’m not there yet. Thanks for sharing your experience and progression in untraining. 
 

1 hour ago, Kawaharu said:

I have been diapered for years and I still have some bowl control but I know that's slowly going away as I age.

@Kawaharu, if it’s not too personal, do you mind me asking what level of control you’ve maintained and if losing bowel control was a goal or just coincidence?

[24/7 + maintaining bowel control - possible?]

Hi friends. 24/7 curious here. Always playing out the pros and cons and logistics in my head, would still like to pull it off. 

I am wondering though, if you’re actively attempting to untrain and relaxing your pelvic floor constantly, is loss of bowel control an inevitability? Any measures that can be taken to reduce or prevent losing it?

I have probably an overactive GI tract and go 3-6 times most days. So I’m really concerned that slipping BM control is unavoidable. Ultimately my question is, has anyone gone through the 24/7 one year plan, or an even longer of period of untraining, and can testify that there was a 0 loss of fecal continence? Thanks folks.  

[Melissa Doesn't Want to Grow Up (Melissa's Re Potty-training remake)]

Great start. Takes me back to HS and all the shenanigans trying to wear to school and not get caught. Please keep it going!

[Faking incontinence to wife]

I was in a similar position at the end of 2021. I work from home and wear all day. My wife doesn’t know. And I was considering escalating my dependence on diapers, untraining, and playing it off. I was setting timers to use the restroom every 30mins - 1 hour when not diapered at work. And, it was getting really hard to hold it. Even waking up 2+ times every night. 

We were experiencing some marital problems, which have only gotten worse I think. Still, I love my wife and kids and want to fight for my relationship. My desire to untrain also wanes, so with some time and the ability to step away from my drive and fascination, I decided against that particular deception. I still wear every work day and have successfully kept it hidden. I’d like to tell my wife that I really enjoy wearing and using and that I would like to make it a more regular, if not 24/7, part of my life. However, like I said, our relationship is rocky for other reasons - financial, stress, mental illness. I can’t begin to predict how something like that would just piss my wife off and also disgust her. I like that we still dig each other’s bodies and don’t want her to see me as childish or babyish. 

Until we can get into a better place, I feel like I need to keep this secret. I’m torn because I don’t think any level of deceit in a marriage is alright, and probably creates rifts we can’t understand on a conscious level. There’s also a cya component though, where if we can’t work things out I won’t have this secret be out there and worry about it spreading around. It’s very rough to navigate and I don’t know that I’m doing a great job. Best of luck to you, keep us updated.