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Critiques and Writer's Discussion
For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.
479 topics in this forum
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By littleben238 · Posted
Ben bundles up the messy diaper. He holds the baby's legs like he's afraid of him and getting peed on. He tapes the diaper back on awkwardly. It's his first time, and he has to adjust the tapes a couple times to get it right. -
Hi folks, As i read several forum threads here and on other sites reading some have produced a possibly very good and effective method which is a combination of 2 products (Miralax and Lactulose-syrup) that reinforce/supplement each other, which will ultimately inevitably lead to a bowel movement(complete intestinal emptying?) that cannot be stopped. Anyone has personal experience with the combination of the 2? ================== The idea and my goal is to put on a diaper before bed. Then during the night it will wake me up because I get the urge. So I want to simulate/insure a nighttime accident. Would that be possible by using the combination of Miralax and Lactulose syrup once? If so, what dosage of each product should I use? Should I take them at the same time or separately with some time in between? With the dose and intake/use advice you would give, I should expect an evacuation after how much time? ** As an equivalent to Miralax I will use Movicol: https://www.amazon.com/Movicol-Powder-Sachets-Flavour-Free/dp/B07NKFPQ9H -
By littleben238 · Posted
"Bice, you to be da Daddy. Sammy is a Daddy too. Benny me a baby" he points to himself "And we taking the day baby to go buy a pizza. Cause it yummy" -
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This is a long-awaited happy chapter, but the fact that it totally relies on events in another story renders it as a deus ex machina. One chapter ends with our protagonist seemingly about to be completely regressed forever, and then the next—with only a quick summary of events in between—she is saved and facing a new and much happier life, which apparently we would know about if we also happened to be reading along with another story simultaneously. Within this story, it comes out of nowhere. You're not the only one to do something like this, but I find it a disturbing trend...and this is why: a story should be self-contained even if it does connect to things in other stories. A sequel, for instance, should be able to stand on its own and not force readers to go back to another source. I commend you for allowing your universe to branch out by looking at it from various angles, but not when it leads to a chapter that almost literally says if you want to understand this, you'll need to read this other story first...and does say that in an author's note. After following (and enjoying) the story all along, the reader suddenly discovers that the climax it has been heading toward isn't in it at all. Huh? BTW: the trial of Nancy is a kind of deus ex machina within a deus ex machina, as we are seemingly about to be hit with the resurgence of a major antagonist who was only defeated by jumping ahead and skipping relevant and important sections. It seems obvious that you are going to free her so she can haunt a sequel...and it also seems totally unjustified by the entirety of the rest of the story. Sorry I'm being so critical, but I hate it when a good story falls apart at its end, and this time it was so clearly avoidable.
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