Shame, Lying

[Kermatt]

It's frightening.

The addictive quality of diapers. The temptation to say I'm incontinent. Can't justify using diapers. To others. This week. I'm weak. Damn. If its medical they sympathise, if its fetish they roll their eyes. love/hate it.

Ordered incont products and cancelled the order. Got product samples.

[Valentine]

Stop. Take a deep breath. Calm down.

[tris]

For reals, it'll be alright.

Since I've been wearing 24/7 (almost 2 years) I've not been fully icon, but from time to time it does happen. My body is actually more or less back to the toddler stage -- I know when I have to wet/mess, but it happens whether I want it to or not. I suppose I'll always be cognizant of what's happening, but, I'd still consider myself incontinent enough to make it a medical claim if someone really wants to know.

But then again, to my friends and those close to me, they know what's up, and I'm not ashamed or afraid to tell them.

What YOU need is to start being OK with you. If this is something you want, and you don't think you can live happily without, then you owe it yourself to make it a positive thing in your life. From what I read now, it seems it's not positive, you see it in a negative light. Once you start down the road to self-acceptance, things will get easier from there. It won't be a blissful, happily every after thing, but you will end up thanking yourself for making the right choice.

If you need/want help on learning to find yourself and be OK with you, I'm available here or thru PM and any one else here would be more than happy to share their viewpoint in order to help you out.

[Kermatt]

Diapers are expensive. But taht's not the real issue.

The real issue is confusion about dl being addictive. That's the confusing part, to me, now.

Less confusing--and far worse-- is that I love imagining hearing about adults who are my age who could be incon without my realizing it. Its me liking the _daydream_ of being incont myself. Of meeting other people my age and talking about our shame and what its like to hide a diaper at work. THE REALITY IS THAT BEING INCON WOULD BE BAD, AND I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE INCON. And what if the neighbors see my diapers in reality? They'll think its medical, which is practically not true. So its weird and scary. Its so confusing.

Thank you for your kind responses.

It helps.

[Jay-in-Pampers]

Why do you need to explain why you wear diapers to anyone? Like any fetish, it is a private thing. Embrace it for what it is... An enjoyable experience that you do on your own time.

[Valentine]

Kematt, explain it to us, that might help relieve the tension.

[Dill_Pickle]

Diapers are expensive. But taht's not the real issue.

The real issue is confusion about dl being addictive. That's the confusing part, to me, now.

Less confusing--and far worse-- is that I love imagining hearing about adults who are my age who could be incon without my realizing it. Its me liking the _daydream_ of being incont myself. Of meeting other people my age and talking about our shame and what its like to hide a diaper at work. THE REALITY IS THAT BEING INCON WOULD BE BAD, AND I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE INCON. And what if the neighbors see my diapers in reality? They'll think its medical, which is practically not true. So its weird and scary. Its so confusing.

Thank you for your kind responses.

It helps.

(Trots out his shrink experiences)

Kermatt: The point at which folks actually get offended is when they get involved in your experience involuntarily, for example if they realize you are enjoying your embarrasment. On other internet boards, the term is "drama queen". You do need to be careful about where and how you discuss your padding -- DailyDi is a safe place to do so.

If you act like an ordinary person who has to wear diapers, as it sounds like you have been at work, everyone will be none the wiser. You would not know I was wearing diapers unless I told you -- even my wife really only became aware after I told her about it.

We do talk about a "binge/purge" cycle....the betting is that if you put diapers out of your life, you will bring them back in a few months to a few years. The compulsive/addictive part is quite real, and quite normal for most of us on DailyDi. It seems to be an essential part of who we are, and privately wearing and/or using diapers hurts noone, so we accept it for what it is, and we accept that we act on our needs -- otherwise we would be a lot less sane.

There is also nothing wrong with your fantasy -- especially because you recognize it for what it is. Somebody is buying all those diapers from the grocery and drug stores; they aren't all going on my horse's feet for poultices.

Dill_Pickle

(The official shrink position on paraphilias such as diapers is that if it isn't interfering with the rest of your life, no problem)

[tris]

I agree with Pickle. Having talked to a shrink about these kinds of things, and only once with my mother in the room as well, it is still debatable as to how it affects your life. Since everything in our existence is more than subjective, any one with a will and a fair knowledge of argumentative theory can make a good point that wearing diapers affects your livelihood and well-being.

Be prepared to fight for what it is that you want. Not everyone wants to see you happy.

[Kermatt]

Dill Pickle,

Your post helped me to clarify my concerns: involving "innocent bystanders" and cost/odor.

... The point at which folks actually get offended is when they get involved in your experience involuntarily, for example if they realize you are enjoying your embarrasment...

...

.... The compulsive/addictive part is quite real, and quite normal for most of us

...

Dill_Pickle

(The official shrink position on paraphilias such as diapers is that if it isn't interfering with the rest of your life, no problem)

This addresses most of my issues:

1) First and worst: the most shameful thing I've ever done is involving "innocent bystanders". And diapers brings that frankenstein out in me: My fear is that the only way to overcome that is to avoid diapers completely.

But let's pretend (I hope!) that I can and will fix this fully and permanently.

2) Diapers, though pleasurable, have several other strikes against them: odor, skin care issues, and, finally, yes, the painfully high financial expense. But even if I had the money, between the skin care and the smell, its an inconvenient paraphilia. Can't I find a less cumbersome, healthier way of answering whatever need this fills? Take up basket weaving or charity volunteer work?

Thanks, your post helped me to calrify my concerns.

K

[tris]

When I saw a therapist, like many others have before, I was given a choice.

I can go with these desires and live my life doing what makes me happy

OR

I can take the LONG, HARD ROAD of attempting to 'rid' myself of these thoughts and feelings THAT WERE GIVEN TO ME BY GOD.

Guess which road I took?

Sorry dude, but if you're not ready to embrace yourself and do what it takes to make YOU happy, you shouldn't even be here. I strongly suggest you sit down and make a decision. If you hem and haw about what you want to do about this, you're not going to get anywhere, and you might end up hurting yourself or someone else.

What is this "Frankenstein" thing you're talking about? Are "innocent bystanders" part of your fantasy? Just to be clear, we ain't down with that here.

Short of schizophrenia meds combined with electro shock therapy, you're stuck with these feelings --they're attached to your identity whether you like it or not.

My advice is find a way to deal with this, and soon.

[Kermatt]

I _am_ feeling much better --and much saner-- about this now.

Thanks to all.

K

[superdiaperbaby]

Dill Pickle,

Your post helped me to clarify my concerns: involving "innocent bystanders" and cost/odor.

This addresses most of my issues:

1) First and worst: the most shameful thing I've ever done is involving "innocent bystanders". And diapers brings that frankenstein out in me: My fear is that the only way to overcome that is to avoid diapers completely.

But let's pretend (I hope!) that I can and will fix this fully and permanently.

2) Diapers, though pleasurable, have several other strikes against them: odor, skin care issues, and, finally, yes, the painfully high financial expense. But even if I had the money, between the skin care and the smell, its an inconvenient paraphilia. Can't I find a less cumbersome, healthier way of answering whatever need this fills? Take up basket weaving or charity volunteer work?

Thanks, your post helped me to calrify my concerns.

K

I think a lot of us have been there. Try taking a step back and analyzing yourself. Try thinking logically about your behavior. Try different equations like plot a graph of everytime you binge and everytime you purge. See how it goes up and down like a seesaw. You will see that your behavior is pointless. That your purging is not working in stopping and something else must be done. If it is the erratic behavior of binging and purging that is disturbing you then maybe try accepting that this is a part of you. Seriously when you are "binging" do you feel bad or is it only afterwards?

Try to sectionalize. What about your behavior disturbs you and work on that. It seems to me that it is not diapers that is the problem but what you are fantasizing about or doing while wearing them that is the problem. Try wearing diapers a full 24 hours and do everything you normally do. Try to train yourself to not do things like look at pictures or go out in public with them exposed. Just enjoy diapers as they are and try to not accessorize or over fantasize. It is too easy to become obsessed and then desire different fantasies to get that "kick" you are used to and eventually you could get close to being a 24/7 adult baby. That happens when you have achieved acceptance but still try for a higher plane of pleasure and then the graph can go exponential. Accept that the orgasm you get out of just wearing and using is the ultimate one and nothing else is needed.

I also think that your negatives aren't that good. If you want to talk about reasons for quitting and wearing I came up with 77 reasons to wear and 33 reasons to stop one night. You just have to think things through and analyze it completely. If you cannot a shrink may help.

SDB

http://intodiapers.blogspot.com