Greetings and Questions

[Quinnlan]

Hello all. Long time lurker, first time poster.

A bit of background, I'm in my mid 30s and have had an intense interest in diapers for as long as I can recall, and an interest in some level of urinary incontinence since my early teens. I've worn and used diapers on and off for primarily the last 7 or 8 years, with a significant uptick in the last three once I was able to afford living without roommates. I went 24/7 for roughly 9 months about a year and a half ago, then anxietied/shamed myself back into an "ignoring it" phase for a while. And now I'm back again... This time with a white towel (or diaper, if you prefer).

I'm doing my best to come to terms with a few facts:

1) This isn't going away. It's just a part of me I need to accept in some form.

2) I feel better (relaxed, comfortable, less stressed) when I wear and use diapers.

3) It doesn't hurt anyone, and so long as I'm mindful and careful about how I pursue this, it's okay to do and want.

I have one close friend I've confided in and who supports me, and I'm in the process of connecting with a licensed therapist to work through this in a professional setting. My ultimate goals are to be a bedwetter at night and diaper dependent during the day.

 

Now for a few questions:

For those of you who have mild to moderate incontinence, did you find there were any unexpected impacts on your daily life? Is there anything you wish you'd know or thought of ahead of time?

For those who've discussed this desire, especially when starting from a place of total continence, with a medical or mental health professional, how did you broach the topic? Did you receive any pushback and, if so, how did you navigate that? Did any feedback or questions you received cause you to revise your goals or planned methods?

Thank you all; being able to read through threads of peoples' varying experiences has done a great deal to help me understand this part of me in better detail and to inch closer to a place of self-acceptance.

- Quinn

[spacedlittle]

The one therapist I had ever spoken to about it was supportive and seemed disappointed the next time I purged x.x

[Quinnlan]

On 4/3/2024 at 10:27 PM, spacedlittle said:

The one therapist I had ever spoken to about it was supportive and seemed disappointed the next time I purged x.x

I'm glad they were supportive, at least! If I may ask, was this a therapist you were already seeing for other, unrelated things or was it someone you connected with specifically to discuss this topic? 

[spacedlittle]

Yes, I had been seeing them for other goings-on in my life and I somehow got brave enough to discuss this side of me.

(Though now that I think about it I may have neglected to discuss fully my untraining desires, which was probably the point, and now I worry that I'll have wasted your time. To the therapist's knowledge I was wearing and using 24/7 so some degree of untraining could possibly have been implied.)

[Little Sherri]

On 4/3/2024 at 2:15 PM, Quinnlan said:

For those of you who have mild to moderate incontinence, did you find there were any unexpected impacts on your daily life? Is there anything you wish you'd know or thought of ahead of time?

I'm not incontinent, except intermittently at night, which is a side-effect of wearing diapers to bed for a number of years and becoming increasingly "uninvolved" with their use, from a consciousness perspective, to the point where it happens by itself... sometimes. Unreliably. 

But, being as I have been wearing diapers 24/7 for 5 years, I can offer a couple of opinions with respect to the impacts it can have on your daily life. For the most part, I'm happy to report, "this" has not been a big deal - not nearly as big a deal as I thought it would be when I set out on this illogical journey, in March of 2019. But you said that have done stints of 24/7 before, so I am not going to talk to you like you've never worn a diaper outside of your home before - you obviously have. 

The aspect of my life that has seen the greatest impact (outside of my bank account and the weight of my garbage cans..) has to be travelling. When you travel for more than a few days, it is very difficult to pack enough diapers, so inevitably, you have to go searching for them locally. The internet is a great help in this, but you may still find yourself confined to what you can get in stores, which can be hit and miss. Also, if I'm travelling with my family and we've rented a car or we have a hotel room to ourselves, finding, transporting and storing diapers is not that difficult. But I have also travelled with colleagues on business, and with friends on golf trips, where I won't have my own car or my own room, so then you are put in the position of having to do mental and physical gymnastics in order to keep that aspect of your wardrobe private. 

Also, wearing diapers all the time, and creating space for that in my life, has tied up some "political capital" with my spouse, although in my judgement, it has been worth it. But there are definitely times when I think, for example, that it's time for her to get rid of some stuff - we have a basement full of junk that she's held onto as we've replaced things - she is like her parents in that she is loath to throw anything away, or donate it, or burn it for heat - anything other than putting it on a a shelf in our basement. But I have several cases of diapers on a shelf down there, and I don't want her pointing that out, so, I shut up about her ever-growing, loosely-organized collection of "stuff". Or, sometimes it's hard to summon the will to hold up my end of an argument, while I'm standing there in what looks like an oversized version of a toddler's diaper... it can be hard to be strident under such circumstances. You feel like your gravitas, or dignity, has already been undermined.

But, as I said, I've done this to myself, and so far, I have no desire to go back to big boy underwear. That's not the same as incontinence, but, some of the side-effects possibly are. 

[superabsorbantpolymer]

I've been reflecting on myself and talking with friends and therapist lately. For this and many other reasons I won't go into here, I think I am probably autistic. I haven't talked about diapers with them tho.

Diapers are an unexplainably comforting thing for me and it is a core part of my existence. It's kind of a somewhat hidden stim I guess. but I also get intense anxiety and shame at the fact that I have accepted it and wear 24/7, I know this isn't normal. 

 But my goals are to be more resilient and apply my gifts more effectively, and work on social/life skills (im decent at masking which is why I've made it this far but I need help). I have an inability to regulate myself. It's like do I want to shut off this side of me or accept it. I tried shutting it off for years and it's so compulsive I can't stop really. It's too comforting lol

[Quinnlan]

On 4/5/2024 at 3:33 PM, spacedlittle said:

Though now that I think about it I may have neglected to discuss fully my untraining desires, which was probably the point, and now I worry that I'll have wasted your time.

No time wasted at all, I appreciate your reply! Especially since it was someone you'd already been seeing about other, general goings-on. What a relief it must've been when they turned out to be supportive.

On 4/5/2024 at 4:58 PM, Little Sherri said:

The aspect of my life that has seen the greatest impact (outside of my bank account and the weight of my garbage cans..) has to be travelling. When you travel for more than a few days, it is very difficult to pack enough diapers, so inevitably, you have to go searching for them locally. The internet is a great help in this, but you may still find yourself confined to what you can get in stores, which can be hit and miss. Also, if I'm travelling with my family and we've rented a car or we have a hotel room to ourselves, finding, transporting and storing diapers is not that difficult. But I have also travelled with colleagues on business, and with friends on golf trips, where I won't have my own car or my own room, so then you are put in the position of having to do mental and physical gymnastics in order to keep that aspect of your wardrobe private.

Traveling is my main "concern" in terms of logistics by a large margin. I've done a couple weekend trips where it was easy to pack some diapers, a cover, etc, but at the time I was only wearing at night. While my current job doesn't often have me traveling with colleagues, it's not out of the question with conventions... do you have any tips or tricks which you found helped navigate keeping your diapers private?

On 4/5/2024 at 4:58 PM, Little Sherri said:

Also, wearing diapers all the time, and creating space for that in my life, has tied up some "political capital" with my spouse [...]. Or, sometimes it's hard to summon the will to hold up my end of an argument, while I'm standing there in what looks like an oversized version of a toddler's diaper... it can be hard to be strident under such circumstances. You feel like your gravitas, or dignity, has already been undermined.

That's an interesting facet I would not have thought of (the political capital part), so I appreciate you sharing it. The latter part of that paragraph certainly conjures an image that's easy to apply in my own life (or at least imagine it applying down the line). Do you find the undermining of your gravitas/dignity weighs negatively on your overall experience in diapers (despite not having any desire to change that)? Are there any circumstances that make you question or reflect on your decision to go down this road? What helps you remain positive and self-assured?

I'm only a handful of weeks back in 24/7, but my brain keeps circling in a whirlpool of "what ifs" and other unhelpful thoughts, the positives and reasons which support treading this padded path as beneficial to my mental health having difficulty staying afloat or heard through the maelstrom. One would think I'd learned after all the years I've tried denying this part of me.

On 4/5/2024 at 11:44 PM, superabsorbantpolymer said:

Diapers are an unexplainably comforting thing for me and it is a core part of my existence. It's kind of a somewhat hidden stim I guess. but I also get intense anxiety and shame at the fact that I have accepted it and wear 24/7, I know this isn't normal. 

 But my goals are to be more resilient and apply my gifts more effectively, and work on social/life skills (im decent at masking which is why I've made it this far but I need help). I have an inability to regulate myself. It's like do I want to shut off this side of me or accept it. I tried shutting it off for years and it's so compulsive I can't stop really. It's too comforting lol

Boy, do a bunch of lines here feel familiar. "Do I want to shut off this side of me or accept it" followed by the former option clearly not working (yet somehow my brain still serves it up as a viable option). I also get intense anxiety and shame over the fact I like this and want to just embrace it, which of course isn't super helpful lol. I'm working on this aspect as well, but it's far from easy. I appreciate you sharing!

[Unseendl]

I've got decent bit of experience with a few of your questions.

You and I are about the same age, and I started 24/7 December of 2022, and haven't stopped since. I am working on diaper dependence / urinary incontinence, but it has been a much slower journey than I was anticipating, which I attribute a lot to my work life and the travel that I had to do in 2023. It's hard to keep up with a regimen when you don't have a consistent daily schedule.

Collectively for work, I was traveling at least a week every other month last year, with colleagues on every single trip. I was able to mitigate a lot of the traveling with supplies by shipping what I needed to the hotel I was staying ahead of time, which really cut down on the needed luggage space. The biggest problem that I consistently ran into was hotels constantly misplacing my packages, despite having called ahead to confirm with what their shipping preferences are. Eventually they all found the box that I had sent, but it wasn't without some anxiety. That being said, once I had my supplies in hand, it really had been just like at home with my changing schedule. The other hard part I had with hotels is that no matter how many times I would stick my garbage bag of diapers (always in black concealed garbage bags, with nothing for the maids to touch and usually never more than a few days worth) right next to the other garbage cans, but probably half the time they wouldn't take it, unless I put a note that's strictly called it out as garbage. It was really more annoying than anything else. All in all, it really just meant more logistics ahead of my traveling and I was fine 90% of the time. 

Up until a few months ago, I was seeing a therapist as well for a few reasons, but this was one that I also brought up with them and they were very supportive. Their biggest thing is that it's not disruptive to your life, it's something that you want/need, and it makes you feel more like you at the end of the day. I had a positive experience, I know that's not always the case for everyone, but you won't know until you put yourself out there. If they aren't concerned for you and your well-being, then you might need to look into other therapists. 

Ultimately, if you get to the point where you know it's what you want, own it. The 12-month program, while it has a few parts that need to be updated, has a lot of really good insight to the mental side and that there is a "before" and a "after", and as long as you are comfortable and know that it is something you want to do, go full into it, accept that there will be points that you may have to start again because of frustration, but don't let it deter you if you know it's the right path for you. It really does just take practice. 

My last philosophy on it is that I was not going to let it get in the way of going out and having fun with friends, family, and other daily activities that I'm used to. In order to do those things, you just need to think ahead of time about how you are going to approach the situation, prep as best as you can, and adjust for the next time if something isn't working out. I have had a few outings where I forgot to prep extra diapers and have had a cut those nights a little shorter than I would have liked, but it hasn't stopped me and I won't let it. Over this last year I was able to develop good practices that worked for me with tools that let me feel more confident in situations, but it took a little trial and error

[Little Sherri]

16 hours ago, Quinnlan said:

do you have any tips or tricks which you found helped navigate keeping your diapers private?

When I have my own hotel room and car, it's relatively easy - I can keep a bag of diapers in my car or in the hotel room in a drawer and take a couple with me in a backpack. When I am travelling with friends and sharing hotel rooms, it gets more complicated. Some things that have worked well for me: taking the lead on managing the garbage cans. I always turn myself into the guy who tidies up - puts the beer cans in the recycling, puts the dishes in the dishwasher, wipes the counters. So nobody is surprised when I'm also emptying the garbage cans... and you can guess what's in them. I always learn the "trash flow" of whatever hotel suite or apartment we're in - where the dumpster or garbage room is. I carry opaque plastic bags with me and then I bundle up the diapers, trash them, bury them under other trash, and take the bags out frequently. 

I've gone for a walk to "get some air" or to look for gifts for my kids, and bought diapers in a corner drugstore, then unpacked them into my backpack, and then stashed them in my suitcase. I carry a nondescript black cloth bag that says "laundry" on it, but I keep diapers in it, on the theory that nobody is ever likely going to go through my laundry, even if they were, say, looking for the sunblock or something, and went into my suitcase. 

17 hours ago, Quinnlan said:

Do you find the undermining of your gravitas/dignity weighs negatively on your overall experience in diapers (despite not having any desire to change that)? Are there any circumstances that make you question or reflect on your decision to go down this road? What helps you remain positive and self-assured?

Most of the time, it's not a big deal, because I don't fight with my spouse a lot, but sometimes she can be a bit controlling and I'll feel like I have to defend my territory, so to speak - but it's almost like I'm crossing my arms and saying "You're not my mom!", while I'm standing there looking like an overgrown toddler. But I just push through it. I can look stupid, while at the same time sounding smart (at least in my own mind...). 

I've definitely questioned this decision before - it's hard to argue that putting myself back in diapers permanently was a "great idea" or a "logical coping strategy", but, the idea of not wearing them is deeply depressing to me now - I primarily did this to myself to improve my mood. As far as I'm concerned, the side effects of this are less profound then taking psychoactive medication, or self-medicating with recreational drugs. The backstory to it is long, and I won't bore you with it here, except to say that part of this journey has been "taking back", enjoying and normalizing wearing diapers - I wore them as a kid, and I knew I liked wearing them from as early as I can remember, and I knew that was "weird". I also had a lot of anxiety over wearing them, I was terrified of anyone finding out, even more terrified that anyone would figure out that I liked it, and, I still had many of the normal childhood feelings of wanting to be perceived as a "big kid", wanting to grow up (why was I in such a hurry?!?), and wanting to make my parents proud of me, so it was a very dissonant feeling to want to be diapered and babied, but also, wanting to stay up later and be allowed to ride my bike on busier streets and to watch movies with mature themes and to get more grown-up toys etc. 

[justforfun]

On 4/3/2024 at 11:15 AM, Quinnlan said:

For those of you who have mild to moderate incontinence, did you find there were any unexpected impacts on your daily life? Is there anything you wish you'd know or thought of ahead of time?

If you've been lurking a long time, you may have seen my posts before, but in case not, I'll point you to this thread, which I think had some thoughful insight.  Here's my input:

To answer your question directly, the impacts on my daily life were what I expected for about the first 10 years (~2000 to ~2010), which included meeting my wife and getting married, at about the age you are now.  The positives and negatives were pretty predictable.  In ~2011, though, my daughter was born.  The addition of another person wearing diapers into the family changed a lot more than I expected, in ways that I had no way to predict a decade before that.  There were a lot of highs and lows, and for a while I definitely had buyer's remorse on my, by that time, ancient decision.

I've since come to terms with it, though, and I often wonder if I'd make the same decision then if I knew what I know now.  In some ways, if forced me to become much more comfortable with who I am.  On the other hand, it's caused huge amounts of stress, logistical issues, and so much else. 

comme ci comme ça.

[oznl]

On 4/4/2024 at 4:15 AM, Quinnlan said:

For those of you who have mild to moderate incontinence, did you find there were any unexpected impacts on your daily life? Is there anything you wish you'd know or thought of ahead of time?

After more than 5 years of 24/7, I suffer from intermittent bed-wetting making night diapers mandatory and sufficient daytime frequency/urgency to make daytime diapers a practical necessity outside of the house.  Here's a distillation of what I've learned:

1. Your loved ones will most likely never understand, approve and, if you are unlucky enough, never tolerate your diapers, even after years
2. You will be amazed (and likely horrified) at how much landfill you create
3. Your diapers have a chilling effect (albeit reducable) on virtually every aspect of your life and will annoy you accordingly from time to time
4. Diaper dependency takes a LOT longer than fan fiction tells you but hides in plain sight when it arrives (I'll get back to you later on "incontinence" if and when it ever arrives).
5. Despite 1 – 4, You never want to come out of them

I've used the second person pronoun "you" but that's not to say this will be your experience.  It was just my experience.  To continue with second person pronoun constructs, your mileage may vary 😆