AARDVARK, PLATYPUS, AND TWINKLETOES: ATTORNEYS AT LAW (SCENE 8: THE LONELY NIGHTS OF LONG AGO)

[Babypants]

THE LONELY NIGHTS OF LONG AGO

“Good evening, Chief Mischof.”

As Suzie watched, two more of the girls were brought out of the house, locked into the back of a squad car, and driven downtown.

“What, no need for a SWAT team? How disappointing for you.”

Like so many in the surrounding houses, Suzie had drifted over to find out what was going on.

“Good evening, Miss Marshall,” the Chief calmly replied. “And yes, everything's under control. Just another sorority stunt, although particularly well planned and executed … a gang running around town stealing diapers off of people's front porches. Alas, the diaper service in question is a Mafia operation, and the mobster in charge is a rather nasty piece of work. Thankfully, Professor Grady is confident that he can make Spats Belmondo an offer that he can't refuse, so there are forty-one girls here that hopefully will be living to see another day.”

“Forty-one? Chief, that's virtually the whole sorority!”

“All but eleven, and the fact that five of the girls are pleading guilty to a crime of which they had no knowledge is a testament to the Professor's persuasiveness.”

“This is surreal! How did Ian get involved?”

“His was the last batch of diapers stolen. But there was a tracking device in the bag, and it led us straight here. As the saying goes, we caught them with their hands in the cookie jar.”

“I should speak with Bernice. How's she taking it?”

“All but frothing at the mouth. You know the drill: a meeting with the Dean at eight for the ceremonial dressing down, and then the three of us will be heading downtown for the court hearing.”

“The three … who?” Suzie was more than a little confused.

“Bernice, Professor Grady, and yours truly. I'm looking forward to seeing the Professor in action; this guy's got some serious chops.”

“He's … he's still here? He hasn't gone home?”

“Bernice is offering to put him up for the night. Hope he accepts 'cause at the moment I haven't got anyone who can drive him back to his place.”

“If he needs a ride, I'll take care of it.”

"Thanks, Suzie.”

The Chief looked her over shrewdly. He was good at reading people, and the more the Pi Iota Sigma house mom danced around the subject of Professor Ian Grady, the more obvious her feelings for him became.

“And thanks for helping us fend off the headhunters. Now that Grady has come to an agreement with Marilyn Marsden, I'm hoping that next week things will get back to normal around here.”

“He's hired an agent?” The news took Suzie completely by surprise. “Does … does that mean that we're going to lose him?”

“I hope not, because if he goes, Officer Canon will be going with him.”

“WHAT,” Suzie squealed; “what does the Batgirl have to do with this?”

“The Batgirl?” Walt had a huge grin on his face.

“Sorry. That's … uh … that's her nickname.”

“Pretty good one,” he conceded. “Anyway, Grady had one of the seizures that Professor Lessing warned me about. He was pleading with the girls to come together as a family, not tear each other apart, and he pulled back the curtain and let them see the mistakes that he made in Viet Nam, and how much they've cost him. And in the midst of it all, down he went. Priscilla knew what to do, so he wasn't out for very long-- but long enough for it to be obvious to anyone with half a brain that she's deeply in love.”

“But he's engaged,” Suzie protested, “and the Batgirl knows it! What is she doing?”

“Don't have a clue how it's all going to turn out,” the Chief shrugged. “But for now, why don't you go up to the house, tackle Bernice, and find out where we stand.”

. . . .

Suzie paused in the entrance and scanned the dining room. There were less than two dozen girls sitting around, most with dejected looks on their faces. A few officers were also present to maintain order, but in fact they were simply standing around: there was nothing for them to do.

“Does anyone know where Bernice is?”

“I think she's in the kitchen,” one of the girls replied in a dead voice.

“Thanks,” Suzie said as she turned away. She had been in the house many times over the years because Bernice Miller was Fraternity Row's doyenne. The house moms and dads came to her for advice, and when they had to assemble for a group meeting, it was in her dining room. Suzie had long thought it bitterly ironic that the Row's most seasoned and pragmatic parent presided over a house that was forever on the edge of academic disqualification.

“Knock, knock.”

Bernice looked back over her shoulder, and smiled when she saw Suzie. She well remembered the undergraduate who had so boldly carved a path through the male faculty during her senior year, setting a scalp hunting record that still stood twelve years later. And Bernice admired the passion with which Suzie defended the houses against all comers, her never ending crusade to compel a self-interested administration and faculty to concede that a critical part of the education preparing the child for adulthood occurred outside the classroom.

“I'll give them full marks for creativity,” Suzie giggled. “Running around town stealing diapers ranks right up there with that time the Deltas nabbed a billy goat and smuggled it into the Dean's office.”

“Or that time the Gammas released all those fireflies in the chemistry lab, then set off the fire alarm,” Bernice laughed. “I don't think the fire department has ever forgiven us.”

Bernice removed one of the baby bottles from the pot of boiling water, and tested the temperature on her wrist.

“Is there a baby in the house?” Suzie was wide eyed with curiosity.

“In a manner of speaking,” Bernice coyly replied, as she removed the second bottle.

“Oh, come on! Don't keep me in suspense! Give!”

“Professor Grady. He's staying the night in our guest room, and his girlfriend instructed me in no uncertain terms to change his diaper, feed him his bottles … breast milk, no less … and give him a good, hard spanking if he gives me any lip. Much to my disappointment, he has behaved like an angel.”

“Unbelievable!”

“Believe it. And believe this, too: inside that diaper lurks a beautifully firm, shapely ass that just cries out for a spanking. You have no idea how badly I want to put him over my knee, but for now I'll have to settle for cradling him in my arms and giving him his ba bas.”

“Unless … Suzie, would you like to nurse him? There's no one holding down the fort in the dining room, and at the very least the girls deserve my moral support.”

“I'd love to! But I don't want to surprise him; you should ask.”

“I will. But if he agrees … Suzie, I was getting him ready for bed, so right now all he's wearing is an undershirt to go with the diaper, baby pants and canvas cover. I have to warn you … there's a lot of scarring, and some of it is pretty bad. But in some ways it's the scarring you can't see that's much worse … the emotional scarring. He's had a very rough night, so he needs to be comforted.”

“Walt said that he had a seizure … that he was begging the girls to stick together, not turn on one another. It looks like he really got to them.”

“He did.”

“And yet you want to spank him?”

“Very much so.”

“I don't get it, Bernice. You say that you want to spank him, and in the next breath, that he needs comforting.”

“It looks like his girlfriend took a paddle to him last night. Bad move, that, because it instills fear. But a spanking, properly administered, absolves guilt-- and this poor guy is awash in it. He'll sleep better tonight if we can take some of it away from him.”

“Ah … so that's why you have handed out so many spankings over the years! A girl does something bad, gets caught, and you spank her not just to punish her but also to get the guilt out of her system before it takes root. That's clever!”

“It doesn't work on every girl, but it works often enough to make it worth doing. Now, stay here, and I'll check on the Professor, and see how he feels about all this.”

. . . .

“Check out the hunk,” Cindy whistled as she nudged Melanie in the ribs. “Man o' man, gimme some of that!”

The hunk was striding purposefully down the corridor, a tall, well tanned specimen with chiseled features and incredible hair. His suit was tailored, both his tie and his shoes imported.

“Forget it,” Melanie warned; “that's Hamilton Burger in disguise.”

“Oh,” Cindy groaned, her enthusiasm already deflated.

The hunk walked up to their cell, and curled his lip in a well practiced sneer. “I'm District Attorney Ballstrom; which one of you is Bjornsen?”

Tippi wearily raised her hand.

“Miss Bjornsen, we're still processing your cellmates, but the consensus of opinion is that you're the brains of this outfit. Tomorrow morning, I have the unenviable task of parading the forty-one of you before a judge, but I need one of you to speak for the others. You've been nominated, and considering that you're the only one with a rap sheet, you'd be my choice as well. You staying off the booze, or do I need to report you to your parole officer?”

The others stared openly at Tippi. Even Ruby was paying attention.

“A DWI,” she confessed. “And yes, I was well and truly smashed. I learned my lesson.”

“And you're about to learn another one. Here's the deal; it's got the standard elements: community service, which Professor Grady will set up for you at local hospitals. A fine large enough to make your parents pay attention; twenty-five hundred each has a nice ring to it. Probation until you graduate, with an interesting twist. Professor Grady is big on the idea of family, so he wants me to make all of you jointly responsible for getting the house GPA up to three point one, or you'll all be going before the judge a second time.”

Melanie audibly gasped, and Cindy turned pale. The District Attorney glared at them.

“You good with that, Bjornsen,” he barked.

Tippi nodded her head. “We can't salvage this term, but I'll commit the house to a three one starting next term”

“Works for me. Now, we get to the bit that could break this whole deal unless we work together and sell it to the judge, because he ain't gonna like it. All of you are going to become good, paying customers of Lullaby Diaper Service. You'll wear 'em, and you'll use 'em, until you graduate. The Professor and your house mom will work out the details, like who's going to wipe your fannies, where and when. Not my problem, nor the judge's. The Professor's confident that he can keep Spats Belmondo out of your hair if you agree, so are you in or out?”

“In,” Tippi acknowledged.

“Good. You will note that I am not at all curious about what motivated you to pull this cockamamie stunt, but the judge may have a question or two. I suggest that you ladies put your heads together and come up with something plausible. See you in court.”

“Shit,” Tippi muttered when the DA took his leave, “diapers.”

“A three one GPA,” Cindy moaned. “A three point one! The Titanic had better odds after it hit the iceberg!”

. . . .

Ian looked up when Bernice returned, her hands empty.

“Suzie's here, Ian. She's in the kitchen, tending to your baby bottles.”

“Well, I guess that cat's out of the bag.”

Ian could only shake his head in disbelief: how could all the women in his life treat his bottle feedings so casually?

“Look, I can't be two places at once, and the girls need me. I asked Suzie to feed you, and she's willing, but not if it will make you uncomfortable.”

“Seriously, Bernice? Seriously? I like Suzie, but I doubt if she knows one end of a baby bottle from the other. Maybe I should just go to bed.”

“After you've had your ba bas, not before. The question remains: Suzie wants to help, but will you be gracious enough to accept her offer?”

“Why not?” Ian was already resigned to his fate; if Suzie was going to tell the whole campus that he was dining on bottle fed breast milk, there was nothing that he could do about it.

“Sure. By all means. Show her in.”

Bernice turned to walk away, but then paused. “Ian, she doesn't know. Walt and I are dancing around what happened to your wife and daughter, and I'll do my best to have the girls respect your privacy, but there are no guarantees. 'Minnesota nice' is not an empty slogan, so be prepared. If the word gets out, an awful lot of women are going to offer you a shoulder to cry on.”

Bernice quietly exited the room.

“Some Secret Agent Man,” Ian said to himself, thinking about the nickname that Pris had given him. “There's not an intelligence agency on the planet that doesn't have a file on me about as thick as the Manhattan Yellow Pages, so why should the people I care about be kept out of the loop? Who am I fooling, anyway?”

Ian slammed his fist into a throw pillow, but it refused to fight back. He ached to find out who had slaughtered Nguyen, and taken Linh and Thu. All the talk about wood chippers was giving him ideas.

“Hi.” Suzie's voice was soft and tentative. She was standing in the doorway, oddly unsure of herself, clutching a baby bottle in each hand. The room was in semi-darkness.

“If you want me to leave ...”

“No.” Ian stood up, and crossed the room to give her a brief hug. “Thank you for coming. It's been one of those nights.” He led her back to the couch.

Fully dressed, Suzie was acutely aware that Ian was only wearing his t shirt and diaper. She had fantasized about this moment, but reality and fantasy were two very different things.

Setting one of the bottles aside, Suzie hesitated, then lowered her hand to Ian's thigh. Bernice was right about the scarring.

“Oddly enough, I never felt it. Oh, the round knocked me down, but I never felt it.”

Ian gently pressed his hand on top of Suzie's, and patted it with his fingers.

“Somehow, I managed to get back on my feet. One of my men was down, and I had to get to him. It seemed like a good day to die.”

In that moment, like spun glass dropped from on high, Suzie's heart shattered. Never again would she think of him as Diaper Butt, and the idea of scalping him suddenly nauseated her.

“I want you to lay with your head in my lap,” she whispered. “I'm going to feed you, then put you to bed. The Chief says that you're going to have a long day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, a long day and a long night.”

Ian stretched out on the couch as best he could, waiting for Suzie to cradle him in her arms. She slipped the nipple into his mouth, and he began instantly to nurse. The breast milk was still too sweet, but the taste no longer disgusted him. He closed his eyes, the tension beginning to drain from his limbs.

Suzie watched him, and felt his body go limp in her arms. Cradling him felt incredibly similar to cradling an infant. She wanted to ask him what it was all about, wanted him to explain how he could allow himself to be treated this way, but she didn't want to spoil the moment.

Ian fell into a light sleep, the warm milk working its magic, but he continued to nurse, gradually finishing first one bottle and then the other. Suzie knew that she should burp him, but she didn't know how to go about it, so instead she chose quietly to sit there, occasionally running her fingers through his hair.

When she spotted the pacifier, she touched it to his lips. He opened his mouth, and welcomed it as if he was embracing a long, lost friend.

Suzie did not know how much time had passed when Bernice finally returned. Together, the two women managed to get him up from the couch, and taking his weight between them, put him to bed. He was still suckling on his pacifier when Bernice turned out the lamp, and quietly shut the door to allow him to rest.

. . . .

One by one, the girls gave up the fight, and dropped to the filthy floors of their various cells. Kimberly fell asleep with her back against the wall, her head drooping. Janis Marsden fell asleep with her head cradled in Kimberly's lap, her arm lightly clutching her legs. For her part, Kimberly's arm rested lightly on Janis' back. As she slept, and without any awareness of her actions, Kimberly occasionally patted her younger sister, calming troubled dreams, and offering a measure of comfort.

[littlebopeeper]

Love this chapter.  It's funny in parts, but it is also warm and caring.  The more I see of Suzie, the more I like her.

[Babypants]

On 4/6/2024 at 1:54 PM, littlebopeeper said:

The more I see of Suzie, the more I like her

Thanks for the like.  Like Vickie in Homage, Suzie is more complex than she seemed when first you met her.  Bernice is also worth keeping an eye on.  Her relationship with Ian will prove special for them both.  

[littlebopeeper]

On 4/7/2024 at 10:14 PM, Babypants said:

Bernice is also worth keeping an eye on.  Her relationship with Ian will prove special for them both. 

Bernice is a neat character, in a really interesting profession.  It would make a great story line-- dealing with girls who are still wetting the bed at 18 and above.  A sorority that actively recruited bed wetters, maybe a fraternity house doing the same.  The possibilities are endless.  Are you planning on writing something like this?

[Babypants]

On 4/10/2024 at 12:53 PM, littlebopeeper said:

It would make a great story line-- dealing with girls who are still wetting the bed at 18 and above.  A sorority that actively recruited bed wetters, maybe a fraternity house doing the same.  The possibilities are endless.  Are you planning on writing something like this?

You're right, this would make for a great story.  I have been searching for a plot to link Ian to Bernice, Julia or Sofia in a way that would connect the two generations without settling for the usual mommy/baby boy motif.  With Ian soon to be acknowledged as a surrogate dad for the sorority, your suggestion raises some interesting possibilities.  I'll play around with this, and perhaps use Homage and Aardvark as a sounding board up ahead.  Bene grazie!

[littlebopeeper]

Thank you!  What an honor it would be to contribute something to either of these two great stories.

[CDfm]

Great chapter. 
I was actually surprised that Susie fed him the two bottles and didn’t make any attempt to scalp him. If fact it was just the opposite for her. Learning someone’s weaknesses can have a profound effect on them. 
Court the next day should be an interesting day.  I will be looking forward to seeing how it all works out. 

[Babypants]

On 4/15/2024 at 5:38 PM, CDfm said:

I was actually surprised that Susie fed him the two bottles and didn’t make any attempt to scalp him. If fact it was just the opposite for her. Learning someone’s weaknesses can have a profound effect on them. 

Thanks again.  I'm glad that you were surprised, because you were supposed to be!  The Suzie in Homage is the scalp hunter, and you see her in competition with Vickie.  But the Suzie here in Aardvark does not have a rival, and so we see a softer side of her personality-- the compassionate side.  Such is human nature.