How to go about it...? Advice needed!

[Sunny1094]

So I guess to start, I'll introduce myself. 

I'm new here and you can call me Sunny. I've been into age play and diapers honestly for... wow. Going on about 10 years now. That being said... its something I've kept private and honestly something secret for most of that time.

I've known my current partner for about just as long though we've only been together romantically for roughly 4 years. It's been a long known fact that I'm into watersports/omorashi as a fetish and its something thats been the butt of many self made jokes. Recently however, I confessed to my partner that I am in fact into age play, diapers and the like. It caused somewhat of a rift in our relationship as the knowledge makes them view me in a different light. That being said... we have -over the last few months- made some progress and they're slowly starting to accept that this is something that they can't just will away. However... there are still certain aspects of this that I dont know how to properly articulate to them and I guess...I'm looking for advice?

I have another long time friend and we both recently discovered the other is a little as well. As I haven't really had the chance to indulge in this... ever... my friend and I were considering a playdate. We want to color, watch cartoons, play legos and video games and most importantly to both of us... we want to have a "No Potties" weekend. Both of us want the opportunity to wear diapers/pull-ups/cloth training pants and do holds without time constraints or having to worry about someone bothering us. Now, while there are sexual/kink elements to this for the both of us... we're both mutually understanding that this is not something sexual for EITHER of us. We just want to exist with one another and hang out like this. 

I'm trying to be as honest as I can with my partner; owning up to the part about diapers was hardest for me. They asked me what the appeal of pull-ups/diapers is to me. We ended the conversation on the note that I'm not ready to talk about that yet and left it there. My problem here is that I don't know how to explain the appeal to them without things getting misconstrued. As I said, yes... there's sexual elements to this for me but, when i am in my little space I don't want to be neither sexual OR sexualized. Doing holds and getting desperate to pee can turn me on but, it isn't anything I want to do with another person and certainly not with my friend. Honestly, anything sexual that comes of this... I usually want to do on my own. So what I'm struggling with really is how... do I explain this? I want to be honest with my partner but, I also don't want them to get the wrong idea. Yes, the point of this playdate is so my friend and I can do holds and not worry about using the potty so we can 'have accidents' and use diapers. I just don't know how to explain what the non-sexual appeal is to my partner? I don't even know if I really know myself. 

if anyone at all has any advice on how to handle this situation, it would be greatly appreciated as I am struggling. My partner doesnt want to engage in these things with me but, I still want the freedom to be able to express this part of myself... oh, what do I do?! 

[Snugglebear_69]

The only advice I can really offer is to spend more time reflecting on your desires. If you can't articulate it to yourself then it's not really a surprise you can't articulate it to your partner.

Looking at it from their side,if you can't provide a clear explanation it's pretty hard to expect them to be ok with a play date. With a murky explanation it's understandable they might conclude you aren't being transparent.

Take some time. Figure out your urges and desires and once you can clearly explain then that would be the time to perhaps consider a play date. Before that point it's just highly likely to cause friction in your relationship.

[Sunny1094]

And that's sort of where we're at now. 😕 I guess a lot of it too comes from my own embarrassment in finding diapers just... genuinely comforting? The few times I've been able to wear for extended periods of time, I've more so just enjoyed the freedom of being able to go wherever and it's helped me to get into that headspace. 

If anything sexual does come of it... I often feel big again and it's something I want to handle on my own and have it be private. 

[Snugglebear_69]

Share exactly what you've just written with your partner and see what they have to say.

I did share what you wrote with my Wife and my Boyfriend to get their perspectives and both had similar responses. I asked them to consider what their response would be if I was to offer an explanation like the one you provided.

Both felt that if it really is just about comfort that it would be easier to share but maybe the reason it's so hard to share is because subconsciously there's more to it than just that. They both asked if it's just about comfort and the freedom of being able to go wherever then why the drive to do it with someone else? They both think perhaps that even if there's not a physical sexual component that there seems to be desire for validation from another person that your partner isn't providing, which is a form of emotional intimacy.

That murky search for emotional validation and emotional intimacy is where they both got uncomfortable. At the end if the day, share what you shared here with your partner and see what they say. Only they know if they are ok with you having play dates with people outside your relationship.

[~Brian~]

1 hour ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Share exactly what you've just written with your partner and see what they have to say.

I did share what you wrote with my Wife and my Boyfriend to get their perspectives and both had similar responses. I asked them to consider what their response would be if I was to offer an explanation like the one you provided.

Both felt that if it really is just about comfort that it would be easier to share but maybe the reason it's so hard to share is because subconsciously there's more to it than just that. They both asked if it's just about comfort and the freedom of being able to go wherever then why the drive to do it with someone else? They both think perhaps that even if there's not a physical sexual component that there seems to be desire for validation from another person that your partner isn't providing, which is a form of emotional intimacy.

That murky search for emotional validation and emotional intimacy is where they both got uncomfortable. At the end if the day, share what you shared here with your partner and see what they say. Only they know if they are ok with you having play dates with people outside your relationship.

@Sunny1094

I agree with @Snugglebear_69.  first of all, it is very hard to be able to explain to your partner something if you do not fully understand what it is that you're trying to explain, and you don't fully understand what it is that you're trying to deal with. The hardest thing that you have to deal with is to be able to figure out in your head what is going on. Is one of the hardest things that you ever would have to do common because your body is telling you something or your mind is telling you something, and even when it is trying to tell you something, you may not be able to understand it, and if you can't understand it it is impossible to articulate it to somebody to be able to help them to understand what is going on.

I also agree that the most important thing is that you should tell your partner exactly what you just told us above. When I ended up going through my journey which I'm still in the midst of, it was very hard for me to be able to understand what was going on in my head, and when I was able to understand what it was that was in my head that it was dealing with, it was mostly all of the things that made me feel like the feelings I was having were guilt ridden or something else, caused by pent up frustrations or emotional responses. I finally realized that it was part of who I was, and regardless of what happens, I am what I am. Once I was able to get to that point, I was able to accept the fact that I was incontinent, and also a diaper lover. The reason why I was able to accept it is because of good people here that We're able to help me understand what was going on, and tell me that it was OK for me to feel like I was and do things like I was. Was able to accept both of these, I realize that I am what I am and I cannot change that. They say that there are things that you cannot change about yourself, well maybe you can change this, but it is very hard to do so. You are wired that way, it is very hard to unwire yourself, because your body is wanting the feelings or the experiences, and it is not going to allow you to stop until you deal with that feeling or that impulse.

I would definitely tell your partner exactly what you told us. The best thing to do is to be honest, but to be on the watch for The response. sometimes people have a favorable response, sometimes people have a negative response, and sometimes the person has an indifferent response, because they're trying to process in their head what is going on,  and they may not understand it. It is perfectly OK for someone to not understand what is going on right now, and this is because They are trying to process what you are giving them, it is also another thing for someone to be able to accept what you are telling them, which may take longer for that to happen when it does.

You also should be prepared for the inevitable conclusion That your partner may not accept either of these at all. I would hope that that is not what happens, but more often than not there are some situations where somebody finds out something similar to what you are trying to reconvey to your partner and they end up taking total negative reaction to it and they're turned off completely, so much that they would end up going so far as to tell you that you are forbidden from doing certain actions or doing certain things. Let's hope that is not your partner's reaction, but that is a reaction that is possible.

Just remember that your partner may have questions about what it is that you are trying to tell them, and that is something that is to be expected. allow your partner to ask you any questions that they wish, and then be prepared to answer them truthfully and honestly. You also may have things that you need to tell Your partner, but always be truthful because this is an important piece of your relationship and you would not want to have your partner find out that you are withholding information, or lying to them.

Good Luck!

Brian

[Snugglebear_69]

Privacy is certainly something people should be able to ask for and have their partner respect the request but it also doesn't mean it's just a blank cheque.

I know if my Daddy said He wanted to play with a little privately I would be very upset. I love and respect my Daddy but there are still boundaries that need to be mutually negotiated.

The OP was talking about a play date with another little which may be a deal breaker for their partner or may not be. Either way I think their partner deserves the opportunity to weigh-in. It's a matter of respect for one's partner, not a matter of privacy.

[Sunny1094]

4 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Privacy is certainly something people should be able to ask for and have their partner respect the request but it also doesn't mean it's just a blank cheque.

I know if my Daddy said He wanted to play with a little privately I would be very upset. I love and respect my Daddy but there are still boundaries that need to be mutually negotiated.

The OP was talking about a play date with another little which may be a deal breaker for their partner or may not be. Either way I think their partner deserves the opportunity to weigh-in. It's a matter of respect for one's partner, not a matter of privacy.

I agree with this one hundred percent. While I do agree that in certain aspects partners do need to respect one another's privacy this is something that is completely different. I'm entering a headspace that is something very vulnerable and intimate -romantic or not. So I can understand my partner being off put by it. 

We've discussed it a few times and we've come to a small compromise of having the playdate in our basement and my partner simply leaving us alone for it. We're still a long way off from actually doing it but... its a start. 

 

3 hours ago, Smores said:

What I was trying to say is that partners in love deserve space away from each other just like family members do. You should be trusted and not ridiculed when you ask for space. 

I don't think they're trying to ridicule me. I think they just... don't know WHAT to think. It's new to them and it's scary because from their perspective. They don't want to lose me. Though... its been six month and we have certainly come a LONG way from when I first brought it up to them. It's slow but, we're making progress.

[Sunny1094]

14 hours ago, Smores said:

Sorry about saying you are ridiculed. I didn't mean to be offensive. I just typed the first word that came to my head. 😔

Oh you didn't! You werent offensive dw ❤️