[Virtual] Reality - Virtual Fiction Story Contest Entrant

[ImprobableLemon]

The following story was created to participate in the Virtual Fiction Story Contest.
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I should treat myself to something nice.

That was my train of thought when using the library computers to buy a pre-owned Virtual Reality device. I… Kinda have nowhere near enough to afford the shiny new models.

We met in the parking lot of some chain pharmacy. A brisk thirty-minute walk from home in the cool December air. My thrifted coat kept me warm despite being well worn.

Throughout our interaction I kept my eyes low. It’s hard looking people in the eyes.

Sometimes I feel like people can see right through me.

I hate it.

She handed me a worn box full of equally worn parts. It was hard not to feel like I’d been cheated. She swore up and down it all works... So, I accepted it and passed her the sum of several weeks of pay. Then thanked her for her time.

Time to go home and check it all out.

You’re pathetic. Wasting money on this broken trash and thanking her on top of it. This is why you get taken advantage of. You go around begging for it.

“Not today, let’s not do this today, please.”

I whisper to myself and shake my head. This will be a good day; intrusive thoughts be damned.

For the past few years people have been talking nonstop about these headsets. While taking orders and serving food I would hear people talk about it and their experiences. Everyone seemed so happy.

You could be anyone, you could do anything.

Sounds like a dream come true.

All these thoughts and more buzz through my mind. Excitement cutting through the fog of bad thoughts. I all but skip home. My shoes squelching in the slush coating the sidewalks.

…

Before I know it, I’m there. Home. At least, the shack I call home. I got it at a good deal, very cheap for the city. Probably because no one else would rent it. But it’s home nonetheless.

A dump. A stain on the land. Perfect for y o u.

I wince and step through the threshold. Once inside I lock the door and slip my sneakers off and place them just right of the entrance. My key and wallet go on the short shelf left behind by the previous tenant.

The place is pretty barren and lacking in furniture, but it’s fine. I just need my soft brown blanket. Before the headset it was the most expensive purchase I’d made in all my 25 years... It’s so warm and cozy; a perfect investment!

Box in hand I shuffle over to one of the walls with an outlet and sit against it. Looking over the instructions carefully it seems that everything is here. That’s good at least.

Assembly is easy. The slightly chipped visor slots into the main headpiece. The sticky forehead thingies all seem to still be there. And the cords are long enough to reach the outlet and ethernet plug with slack.

I think this will work.

Pulling it over my head darkens my vision. I can just barely see the room through the visor. Carefully I attach the sensors to my forehead. Apparently, those will pick up some sort of brain wave or electrical signal… At least that’s what I’d heard.

I go to press the prominent start button on the side of the headset but stop.

It’s a bit chilly in here.

My hands sweep the floor around me blindly before running into the blanket. I pull it over my body, snuggling deeper into my spot where the floor and wall meet.

Finally comfortable, I press the button.

And…

Nothing.

“No… No, no, no…”

My heart falls as I stammer to myself alone in the empty room.

Ha! Get scammed, idiot. Good luck getting your money back.

Tears begin gathering at the corner of my eyes.

… bzzz…

Then, the whir of small motors fills my ears. The visor blocking my vision lights up.

I exhale in relief, but before I can do or notice much else my consciousness fades and I slump against the wall.

---

I’m falling. Slowly… I think.

The space surrounding me is pitch black with small particles of blue floating down alongside me.

Amidst the darkness, a screen of pale light with white letters opens before me.

LOGGING IN…

LOGGING IN…

LOGGI-

WELCOME USER, BETH

I feel myself jolt in surprise at the scrawling text.

“H-Hold on, I haven’t made an account. My name is Je-“

Disregarding my protests, the screen continues.

NOW LOADING… THE HUB

With the blink of an eye the world around me shifts into a sprawling city. No longer falling, I am on solid ground. My stomach lurches and my eyes adjust in response to the perceived shift in movement.

It looks almost identical to the real world save for some of the city’s more ‘out there’ architecture. Castles in the far distance, floating islands, and roller coasters overhead. It all looks so real, so wonderful.

Not wanting to get in anyone’s way I jump into the throng of people heading further into the city. My gaze shifts to the crowd around me. A wide variety of different characters.

Some look like any person you might find in real life. A few have more animalistic features. Others appear as some sort of fantasy creature like an elf or orc. That isn’t even to touch on the outfits. Halloween costumes, clothes from fashion magazines, etc.

People really can be whatever and whoever they want…

“Amazing…”

Unintentionally I gasp with genuine shock and amazement.

This might just be everything I’d thought it would be.

“Oh…”

Was what I had thought until I looked down. I’m wearing the worn jeans, grey t-shirt, and dingy socks I’d started playing in. That, however, was not the cause of my sad remark.

Unlike the others around me, my avatar seems to be glitching out. Static arcs about my body and clothes. Looking closer pixels seem to fade into a grey color before suddenly sharpening up.

I look like an old TV not quite tuned correctly.

But… It-it’s okay. I made it. I’m here. The headset is working.

Keep telling yourself that. Bet you cut out any minute now. Wouldn’t that be hilarious!?

I force my gaze back to the sights of the city. Banishing the depressing, nagging thoughts regarding the used headset to the back of my mind.

…

After walking with the crowd for a bit, I enter what appears to be the business area of the virtual city.

“Minigolf! Over a hundred holes and thousands of environments to choose from!”

“VR dining! Our virtual food will stimulate your taste buds! Guaranteed better than real food or your money back!”

“If you want stimulation, then come on down to the adults only show! We got the best variety in the virtual business!”

“Clothing sale! Everything 60% off, but only for a limited time!”

People hawk their businesses on the sidewalk. Some real, others appearing as some sort of program on loop. In this virtual world the real people look more realistic, while the programs take on the look of some kind of semi-transparent ghost.

I keep my head down, rubbing my arm awkwardly and fidgeting with my jean’s belt loops. My anxiety rises. Just thinking about someone mistaking me for a paying customer…

While trying to keep to myself I swear I can feel everyone looking at me. The static drawing their attention and pity.

You can’t escape these thoughts girl, you’re gonna be a pathetic ball of misery everywhere you go. VR can’t help someone like you.

Maybe the intrusive thoughts are right. Maybe this was a mistake. I should just log off and sleep…

On the corner of my vision, I spy a menu button. I swipe at it and a similar screen from earlier appears with various options including a logout button. My hand hovers, ready to swipe and exit VR for good.

When a voice grabs my attention.

“Hello! Miss!”

I look around, trying to see if someone else is going to acknowledge them.

“Yes, you Miss.”

A gentleman standing in front of a modern white stone building points to me. Transparent like an inhuman program he differs somewhat in that his eyes glow a golden hue.

“U-Uh, yes?”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you seem green around the ears and a little overwhelmed.”

“Aah, you could t-tell?”

“I know your type lass, in fact we cater well to them here.”

The man jabs a thumb to the building behind him. As he does so a sign on the wall flashes to life in a display of color.

Inner Desires: Let your dreams become (virtual) reality

“Oh… I don’t have any-“

“Not another word Miss, this is a free service. You put our AI through the wringer, and we get data. Simple as. We’re not out to bleed you dry like some of those con artists.”

I chew on the program’s words and my bottom lip anxiously.

It might be fun, and he seems nice enough. And if I left, I’d feel like I was letting him down or wasting his time…

Pathetic. Weak. C o w a r d. “He” isn’t even real!

“Okay… I guess I’ll check it out. Thank you, sir.”

 “Just doing my job. We’ll have ya feeling like a million bucks in no time, kid.”

The rather upbeat machine bids me off with a wave as I enter the building. His golden eyes dimming to a similar hue as the other programs around him as he begins to greet others on the street.

The entrance of the business is a rather sparse room, with a counter manned by a single smartly dressed feminine program and a few decorative plants. There’s a brown wooden door on the opposite side of the room, behind the counter.

I step in the short line and wring my hands in anticipation. Equal parts excited and nervous.

People ahead step behind the counter as part of the virtual ceramic lifts like a small gate. Each of them enters the same door.

In no time at all I’m next in line. She… Or it speaks in a soft voice.

“Hello Beth, thank you for visiting Inner Desires. Please step behind the counter and enter the other room. There we will have our algorithm scan your brainwaves to match you with an experience that suits your true desire. This experience will last an in-game 24 hours, approximately 2 hours outside VR.”

“Um… Thank you.”

I scurry behind the counter and nervously enter the other room, pulling the door closed behind me.

It’s a completely white space that seems to stretch on forever. The door hangs in empty space, attached only to the floor. Ahead is a glowing blue sphere lacking defined edges. It gives off a mist of sorts.

> Please approach

Black text appears above the sphere. I obey, coming within arm’s reach of the thing.

> Place hands on sphere

Hesitantly I place both hands on the sphere, cupping it. Oddly enough, it feels warm and pulses gently. Perhaps to the beat of my heart?

> Analyzing…

> Analyzing..

> Analyzing.

> Brainwave analysis complete

> Compatible experie̴n̶c̶e̶ f̵̨̈ȯ̴ͅou̷̧̐n̶͍̍dd̸͔̿d

> 01001000 01101001 01101010 01100001 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01010011 01110100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101101 00101110 00101110 00101110

> Loading user BETH to map: 01100011 01110101 01110011 01110100 01101111 01101101 01011111 01101110 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 01110010 01111001 00101110 01111000 01111000 01111000

> Activating AI: 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100011 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01000001 01001001 00111011 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110110 01100001 01110100 01100001 01110010 00111010 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101110 01101110 01111001 00111011

Much like my last time loading, the empty world around me disappears quickly.

A sight more bewildering than an otherworldly city met my gaze this go around.

I’m standing in the middle of a colorful nursery. Large toys spill out from a large toybox, next to it is a shelf with colorful books. A crib lines one of the walls, big enough to fit two of me with ease. Farther down from the crib is a tall, padded table with cabinets and a small bin below. Next to that is a wardrobe twice… No three times my size at least. There’s also a rather large TV, rocking horse, and rocking chair as well. A baby gate as tall as me blocks off access to another room – the only exit.

“Erm… H-hello?”

I walk over to the gate my nervous voice just above a whisper. Between the gaps in the gate, I make out a black and white tiled kitchen sort of area, and sitting at a table is… The AI the sphere mentioned?

She appears dressed as a stereotypical nanny character. Wearing a green apron with pockets and a long, colorful, patchwork dress.

Her body isn’t as holographic or ghost-like as the other programs. But if I focus, I can see she’s not as solid as ‘regular people’ in VR. The edges of her body blur.

Instinctually my vision strays from her eyes. But I still get a good look at her face. It’s a bright golden color, like looking into the sun. Perhaps to save on the cost of rendering a face? The only feature that can be made out is lips set in a slight frown.

“U-um, excuse m-me ma’am?”

I speak up, fumbling my words. In an attempt to gain her attention.

It perks up, seemingly jolting in surprise at my voice. Her mouth forming into a surprised ‘o’.

“Finally, you’re…”

It murmurs to itself, the rest of the words muttered inaudibly.

Her mouth smooths into a wide smile. She stands, making it apparent that she’s double if not triple my size. It continues speaking, this time more coherently and directed at me.

“Why hello dear, I cannot remember the last time we’ve had a visitor here.”

Her voice is motherly, calm, and warm. Unlike anything I’d ever heard.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I… I think there’s been a mix-up.”

“Oh dear, a mix-up you say?”

“Yeah… I got scanned to experience my true desire or something. But this must be some sort of mistake, right?”

“Hm, let me see… You are Beth, correct?”

“I-I guess that’s right…”

At least, it’s the name assigned to the previous device owner…

“Then I’m afraid to say there’s been no mistake; this space is tailored to you.”

My mouth dries as I look up at the much larger woman. Turning, I once again look at the childish if not babyish room I’ve found myself in.

This is it? Deep, deep down this is really what I want? N-No, it can’t be.

You’re a fucking mess. What kind of sick person would want something like this?

The voice grows prominent. Becoming a roar in my ears.

I feel dirty. I feel sick. This isn’t right!

It’s too much. The intrusive thoughts I try so hard to ignore become prominent. Engulfing all thought.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfi-

“Are you alright, dear?”

The AI reaches down, touching my shoulder. The action pulls me out of my obsessive daze. My bottom lip feels raw from being chewed, and I’ve scratched my arms a little too hard. The simulation spares me much of the pain.

“Yeah… I’m fine.”

I lie, before continuing.

“Sorry, I’m sorry for wasting your time, I’m going to log out now. I’m sorry…”

My hand hovers over the menu button before she interrupts me once again.

“Hold on! Why don’t you stick around? Give it a try?”

“No, I-I couldn’t… I mean…”

Her giant hands dwarf mine as she grasps them. Despite being virtual, her hands feel as warm as her voice sounds.

“I know this isn’t what you expected. But perhaps there’s a reason you’re here, dear. There’s nothing for you to fear. This will be a secret between the two of us.”

“It’s not that, i-it’s just…”

“I won’t force you to remain, that decision is for you. However… I would be more than happy to perform my duties for you during your stay.”

She sounds genuine. And the hopeful inflection of her voice is not missed on me.

It’s pathetic.

It’s stupid.

But I feel bad. If I left now, I’d be letting her down… Right...?

You let everyone down anyway, who cares about the ‘feelings’ of some imaginary person made of 0’s and 1’s! You’re falling for this shit again!

The voice mocks me. Unintentionally pushing me towards my decision.

“I… I’ll try. I don’t know about the full allotted time though…”

“Oh, you won’t regret it dear! Nanny will make sure of it!”

The AI picks me up under the arms, pulls me into the air, and spins around while wrapping me in a hug.

After, she opens the gate and steps through. Into the adult-sized nursery.

Without giving me time to speak up, she continues.

“Let’s get you dressed, little one. You must be uncomfortable in those clothes!”

“Um… I guess?”

Is my confused reply. My clothes are well worn so pretty comfortable and broken in.

“Well don’t you fret; we’ll get you sorted out in a jiffy.”

Gently she lays me flat on the padded table. A strap is pulled across my waist, holding me against the table. With a wave of the AI’s hand and a flash of light the clothes I’d been wearing disappear.

“H-Hey, woah!”

I shout in surprise. My hands alternate between trying to cover my exposed top and bottom, and the scars along my thighs. Though craning my neck I’m surprised to find the latter did not get rendered.

In the back of my mind, I know she’s not a person, but my face still reddens.

“Hmm hmm, sorry about that dear. Just part of the process. Don’t worry; there’s nothing you have that I’ve not seen before.”

She laughs gently at my frantic movements and panic while trying to reassure me. Then she bends over, and I hear one of the cabinet doors open below alongside some rustling.

When she stands back up my eyes widen in shock.

“W-Wait, are those…”

“Diapers, yes. I’ve got three different patterns for you to choose from.”

“I can’t… W-Why?”

“All part of the dress code sweetie. I’d let you go without if I could.”

You’re going to look so dumb. Like an overgrown, stupid toddler!

In her hands are three different plastic rectangles. First, a simple pink color throughout. Second, a rectangular colorful motif of a playground on white plastic. Third, an assortment of blocks and toys on white plastic.

While thinking, I chew on my bottom lip.

I don’t want this… I don’t want to wear a… Diaper… But I’d feel even worse trying to weasel out of a promise. I guess I’ll pick the choice that might make me feel the least awful.

“P-Pink, please…”

“Oh my, an excellent choice! I’m very proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone. You’re such a brave girl, Beth.”

Any other time these condescending words would’ve triggered an awful, demeaning thought. But the way she said it and the warmth behind the words… It makes me feel warm, and fuzzy too. The corners of my mouth tug up unconsciously.

She returns the other two choices below the table, and when she rights herself there’s a bottle of what must be baby powder in one hand and the pink garment in the other.

With practiced ease she unfolds the rectangle and carefully lifts the lower half of my body to slide it beneath my bottom. She moves the hand I’d left covering myself and begins massaging the lovely smelling powder into my loins. The front part goes up, just below my belly button. And finally, the sides are brought down to seal me in.

“There we go. It wasn’t that bad now was it, dear?”

“No, it actually felt… Kind of nice…”

Ha, you belong here after all. A failure of a person. Of an adult.

Admitting it is hard, and if I was having difficulty looking at her face before there was no way I could do it now. I’m embarrassed and the intrusive thoughts are gutting me where I’m weak.

Despite it all, it was nice to be doted on like that.

“Let’s get you dressed and then you can play.”

“Eep!”

Having been distracted by the diapering process I’d completely forgotten that aside from my new choice in padded underwear, I was absolutely naked.

The nanny AI chuckles in response to my noise. She removes the strap from my waist and sets me standing onto the carpeted floor.

She throws open the doors to the large wardrobe. I look in and see a vast shadowy space. Her arms reach into the inky blackness and pull back out with piles clothing, some folded and some hung. Again and again, she does so until a mountain of various clothes sits on the table’s surface.

“This will be enough to start with…”

“S-Start with?”

With practiced maneuvers and speed the AI dresses me in outfit after outfit. Then with similar ease she strips me once again. Each time her head tilts up and down, assessing her work. I’m given a quick look at a mirror to see the result before we’re on to the next.

Onesies that emphasize the bulky diaper she’s changed me into, the buttons threatening to pop under the strain.

Dresses long that cover the bulk, and dresses short that flash pink at the slightest movements.

Jeans and overalls with an obvious bulge just below the midsection.

Pajama pants and shirts decorated with cutesy designs and mascots.

Athletic tank top and booty shorts threatening to explode under the strain of my enhanced ass.

And more… So much more.

“No, no no. None of this is good enough. Hold on…”

With a snap of her fingers the pile of discarded outfits vanishes from view.

She reaches into an apron pocket and pulls out a handful of folded cloths. After unfolding the mass, I realize it’s a pink shirt with purple bunnies, purple skirt, pink-purple socks, and a comfortable looking purple sports bra.

“I hope you’ll forgive my selfishness and excitement. I just never thought this day would come. May have gone a teensy bit overboard.”

The AI slips the t-shirt over my head and pulls it down, navigating my arms through the sleeves. Next, she pulls the skirt up past my cushioned bottom and tightens it up a notch around my waist. Finally, the socks go over my feet, ending at the ankle.

The final flash of the mirror shows not a woman 25 years into her life. Rather, an overgrown toddler that seemingly never quite got the hang of potty training. The outfit does much to distract from the issues the headset has had in rendering my body.

A fresh blush coats my cheeks at the sight as I force out a reply to the simulation’s caretaker.

“It’s okay. Uh, thank you for um… Doing this, Nanny.”

Yeah, thanks for making you look like a weird pervert.

With the changing process complete she surprises me with a quick hug before depositing me on my two feet.

“Think nothing of it little one, it’s my pleasure.”

My first few steps are uneasy as the bulk of the diaper sets my legs apart in an unfamiliar manner. Looking down I notice that the skirt is rather short, and the padding is quite noticeable. Not that there’s anyone here aside from the nanny AI and myself to have a peek at my current state.

Across the room, on the shelf with books, I see a puzzle with a jungle animal theme.

I’ve never done a puzzle before, that might be fun and relaxing…

So, I toddle over with the AI following close behind. I’m barely able to reach on my tippy toes. Puzzle clutched to my chest; I turn around to her.

“Um, is there a table I can do this on?”

“Certainly, here… [Hijacking stream].”

She lowers her arm, palm out, to the ground. With a flash of light, a soft pink plastic table and chair appear. Both objects sized for me.

“Thank you, Nanny.”

She smiles in response, the light obfuscating most of her face increasing in brightness for a moment before dimming again to a more tolerable level. Perhaps something of a joyous reaction?

I sit down on the plastic chair. It’s surprisingly comfortable. Though it could just be the padding built into my current underwear… Anyway, the lid of the cardboard container slides off easily and I scatter the pieces across the table.

The AI sits next to me, a clear chair rising from the floor to meet her much larger bottom.

While the idea of the puzzle initially seemed fun, having the 200 pieces out suddenly fills me with dread. My bottom lip once again becomes the plaything of my teeth.

Ha, something new for you to be awful at. The big dumb baby can’t even do a kiddy puzzle.

“Here, how about we separate the pieces of different colors?”

Gently she offers a suggestion, perhaps noticing my trepidation. With another flick of her wrist, small containers appear around the edges of the table. Enough to categorize each type of puzzle piece color.

“T-That’s a good idea. Thanks again.”

“Also why don’t you try this, sweetie.”

Leaning in my direction, she passes me a small plastic pink object with a long piece of fabric hanging from it. My momentary confusion clears as I put 2 and 2 together. It’s a pacifier.

I’d been adjusting to everything well enough. The diapers. The clothing. The AI and her treatment of me. But this felt sudden, like being thrown further into the deep end.

“Are you…”

“I’m not making fun of you dear; I just think this might help give your poor lip a rest. I think you’ll like it more than you realize…”

Her reply paints my cheeks with a fresh blush. I stop abusing my lip in response, feeling quite like a naughty child caught red handed.

“Oh…”

Without another word or further complaint, I pop it in.

…

And holy shit, it tastes good! Like lemon, my favorite flavor. I could probably count on my hand the number of times I’d spoiled myself with something so good.

The flavor seems to increase, and decrease based on the activity. Biting increases while passively sucking decreases.

I feel the Nanny AI smiling and watching my discoveries closely. Pleased with me. Pleased with herself.

As odd and embarrassing as it is, I can’t bring myself to stop. She leans over and clips the end of the attached fabric to my shirt’s collar.

Without any more words, the two of us get to work. Separating the pieces into their own containers.

She’s very efficient at it, and by the end of this process she probably did twice as much sorting as I had.

With the pieces sorted we used the box art to create the puzzle’s border. It consisted mostly of green pieces, the foliage the animals were resting in. From there it was a simple matter of filling in the rest using our sorted pieces.

As awkward as it is to admit, the pacifier might’ve helped me focus and not feel overwhelmed… A fact I believe Nanny was fully aware of by the number of times I’d caught her looking in my direction.

“Aaaaand done~!”

She sings merrily with a clap of her hands as I push the final piece, a tiger’s face, into place.

Finally done, what a boring waste of time.

I’m filled with a sense of satisfaction. A sense of completion. It feels good, especially with Nanny’s infectious energy.

Alongside the excitement, something tickles my nose.

A smell I can’t quite place.

It fades quickly and I give up on the thought as Nanny speaks up again.

“While we’re here at the table would you like me to do your nails all nice and pretty?”

“Mmm uhm…”

I look down at my uneven and short nails. They’ve been treated poorly by me, objects I’d taken my anxiety out on by picking at or biting.

“Nothing to be shy about sweetie, lay them out and Nanny will fix you up.”

My hands go flat on the table as Nanny pulls several vials of polish out of her apron pockets. She gets to work with a flurry of motions, using both hands to their fullest. Her voice continues as my eyes try to follow the action.

“You have such adorable, small hands you know.”

“Mmm.”

I grunt noncommittally, too distracted to give a more direct and embarrassed answer.

Then the motion ceases, the job done.

“Woah…”

I gasp in wonder, staring down at the work she’d done.

Somehow the nails were more even, whether it was something she’d managed to do in the mess of movement or a visual trick with the polish I’m uncertain. Each finger had a different pattern. Cute animals, swirls of light and color, rainbows, happy clouds, etc.

My fingers glimmer in the simulated light overhead. Sparkling in my eyes.

“I take it you like my work then, huh?”

Nanny asks, proudly. I respond enthusiastically, for once feeling good about my fingers.

“Yesh!”

She laughs, patting me gently on the top of my head.

“It won’t take long to dry but while we wait how about we get some food in that adorable little tummy of yours?”

“Whmph?”

Nanny giggles before lightly tapping the front of the pacifier still firmly planted in my mouth.

My face burns red. I’d actually forgotten about it completely…

“What? Does eating even work in VR?”

I ask after removing the soother and letting it hang from the strap.

“It won’t fill you up if that’s what you mean, but the sensors you attached to your forehead will stimulate you in the right ways to allow you to taste. Though you’ve already experienced that with your paci.”

Fair enough, I guess.

“W-Woah!”

I shout in surprise as she abruptly picks me up, cradling me to her shoulder. One hand on my rear and one on my back. The hand on my rear presses lightly into the padding. The padding I’d also very much forgotten about.

“Good job staying dry, dear! Nanny is so very proud of you.”

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

Again, something about the demeaning words should mortify and depress me. Of course, the intrusive thoughts are always present. But…

“T-Thank you, but I could’ve told you as much…”

“Now what would be the fun in that? To the kitchen we go~”

She speaks wryly before sweeping us away to the room I’d initially found her in. Her shoes going from a muffled ‘flump’ on the nursery carpet to a crisp ‘clack’ on the kitchen tile.

To the right of the chair I’d seen her sit at is a new piece of furniture. A tall seat with belts and a tray jutting out. A highchair.

I don’t know what I expected, but this seems par for the course.

As we approach, the tray flips up and she places me on the chair. She leans in closer and fastens the buckles around my waist and through my legs to hold me in the seat.

Satisfied with her buckling job, she turns on her heel and walks to the fridge.

“You know… You seem so… So real.”

My thoughts leak out, loud enough for her to hear.

“Oh really, what makes you say that?”

“It’s just… The way you move, the way you act. It’s so fluid, so real… I never thought an AI or robot or whatever could be so… Human.”

“Ha ha, thank you dear. I’ve had many years of practice you know.”

I guess not even AI are made automatically good at everything…

She turns around and walks back, having successfully rummaged through the fridge. She slides a cup of brown gelatinous substance with a thick plastic spoon onto my tray.

“Pudding?”

“That’s right my little smarty pants. I thought you’d like a chocolate treat.”

I’d always wanted to try pudding, but never really had the chance… My virtual stomach rumbles in anticipation.

Before I can react, she grabs the spoon and swirls it around the cup, it moves with only slight resistance. She cuts me off before I can relay a complaint.

“Allow me sweetie; your nails are still drying after all.”

“Hey… You didn’t paint my nails on purpose, did you?”

“I would never do something so heinous, so sneaky.”

Her response is playful and dripping with gentle, good spirited sarcasm. I roll my eyes in response, a smile forming on my lips at her demeanor.

The spoon enters my mouth, and the sugary gloop hits my tongue.

 In that moment I realize I’ve made a mistake.

“Blrghk!”

My palate, so unused to such sweets, immediately rejects the treat. Triggering my gag reflex and sending the mouthful across the highchair’s tray with a cough.

Ha, what a mess. If you’re good at anything it’s making more work for other people.

“Shorry… sory… srry…”
I sputter in my coughing fit.

“Oh no Beth, dear! Don’t say that. I should certainly have known better, I am sorry!”

Frantically nanny rushes from my front to my side. A warm hand rubs my back soothingly as I cough. Her other begins gesturing around the tray removing, or rather deleting the mess and offending substance.

“N…No, you couldn’t have known. This is my fault, I-I didn’t think…”

Eventually even the tray disappears, and I am once again pulled into her arms where the back rubbing continues.

“Shh, none of that little lady. Nanny would much rather hear ‘thanks’ instead of an ‘apology’ for something like this. It was no trouble to clean up, what matters most is that you’re okay now.”

With the coughing having subsided and the warm feeling of her hand massaging my back I feel more than okay. Her kind words as well do much to keep my mood from spiraling down.

I sink further into her hug, burying my face in her shoulder.

“Yeah… I think I’m okay. I am. Thank you, Nanny, for so much. I mean it.”

It might be my imagination but for a split second I swear the hand on my back trembles. It must be, as when she speaks next her voice expresses no change in emotion.

“That’s more like it! After all that excitement, how about a quick nap?”

“Mmmm…”

Now that she mentions it, that particular need has crept up on me.

“I’ll take that as a yes, let’s get you to bed.”

“Wait, what about my time here?”

“I can slow down things a bit more while you sleep since it’s not a very intensive activity. That is, if you’d like that…”

If I’d been given an option to speed things up and get out of this simulated experience at the start, I’d likely have taken it in a heartbeat.

It’s weird. It’s childish. It’s not right. All of this.

And yet I’ve never felt so good in all my life. So loved, so safe, so comfy.

“I would like that, sor- thank you, Nanny…”

Gently I am moved away from her shoulder and lowered into the crib I’d seen earlier. The mattress is soft, nicer than anything I’d slept on before.

“Here, maybe you’ll find this a bit more agreeable.”

Her hand reaches into the pocket of her apron and pulls out a bottle with a clear rubber nipple. I reach up and accept it without question, popping it directly into my mouth.

It takes a few inquisitive suckles before I free the liquid from the container. My brows raise in surprise and my mouth opens in surprised delight.

“I’m in love, what is it?”

“A very diluted lemonade. I knew you’d like it.”

Nanny looks down at me as I use both hands to lift the bottle back to my lips, continuing where I’d left off.

I feel so many sensations all at once.

The soft padding like a hug around my bottom. The comfortable bulk crinkles audibly as I shift my legs to a more comfortable position.

The soft yet firm mattress supporting my back in all the right places.

The delicious, cool liquid spilling down my throat.

And most notably, the loving smile that radiates from Nanny as she watches me work through the bottle.

These feelings combined make me feel so incredibly small. I… I like it.

I reach the end of the bottle at the same time as that conclusion. Nanny takes it from my hands, replacing the nipple with the pacifier still dangling from my shirt. She deposits it back into her apron pocket.

She leans over the railing towards the foot of the crib and pulls something up and over me. Something I would recognize anywhere.

“Bwankie!”

A childish, excited gasp escapes me at the sight and sensation of my beloved blanket in this virtual space.

Nanny nods her head, smiling warmly.

“That’s right sweetie, you need your blankie if you’re going to nap-nap.”

It smells nice, as if it had just come out of the wash.

I roll around the crib, kicking my legs with audible crinkles to get the blanket positioned just right. Forming a comfortable nest.

Nanny chuckles softly at the show. She rubs my head gently and speaks.

“Nighty night dear, we’ll continue where we left off when you wake up.”

“Wait…”

“Yes?”

“Dn’t weave pwease…”

Her face brightens once again. Whether from the pacifier muffling my speech in an adorable manner or the request itself, I am not sure.

“Of course, Nanny won’t go anywhere baby girl.”

With that reassurance my eyes droop close and my mouth behind the pacifier’s shield slips into a content smile.

As I begin to drift off the scent from earlier hits my nose again.

Ever so slightly stronger now. I know this smell.

It’s unpleasant and stings.

It’s…

~~~

Slowly my eyes open once more. I feel very energized, as if I got a proper 8-9 hours. Funny how this works in VR, though I guess it isn’t too hard to simulate shutting your brain off for a time.

I shove the pile of blankets off my body, feeling superheated by the cozy fabric. My arms and legs stretch out, basking in the uncovered air.

While most of my body cools off quickly, an odd notable part remains rather warm. The lower part of my body, around my legs and bottom.

My legs push together back and forth, trying to pinpoint the source. They do so with a squish.

… Squish?

“Whah?”

I gasp from around the pacifier I’d been idly chewing on. One hand lifts my skirt while the other pushes on the padding inquisitively.

Another squish.

My breath catches in my throat. I…

As if you couldn’t fall any lower. You’ve hit rock bottom and kept digging!

For the most part I’d managed to ignore the nagging voice, but that was impossible now. Not with the source of these feelings pressed so close and warm to my bottom.

My breath quickens, a panic attack threatening to develop. I pull the blanket over my face; preliminary tears absorb into the fabric.

The intrusive thoughts push the advantage, knowing the delicate state I’m in.

When you. Get out. Of here.

How.

About.

You.

Ki-

“Beth? Are you okay?”

Nanny’s concerned voice cuts the thought off. Her warm hand rests on my blanketed shoulder.

“I… No…”
“It’s okay sweetie, we can fix whatever is wrong. Do you want Nanny to hold you?”

“Yesh… Yes.”

I push the blankets aside, slurring the first word behind my… The pacifier. I spit it out, and it falls to the side, hanging loosely by the ribbon connecting it to my clothes. She pulls me into a hug, a hand supporting my bottom and an arm along my back. The hand on my rear shuffles back and forth inquisitively. My face goes crimson, and I bury my blurry eyes into her shoulder.

“Is this the reason behind those teary little eyes of yours? It’s okay my beautiful girl, it’s why we put this on you to begin with.”

“It-it was an accident though… I haven’t had one since… Ever, really. There’s gotta be something wrong with me. I can’t believe-”

“I won’t have any of that talk, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, it’s just the effect this place has on littles ones such as yourself. Everything is a-okay.”

That piece of information helps. It’s not my fault. Not something I’d done. It’s out of my hands, so out of my mind. Right?

“Okay...”

“How about we get you changed into a nice clean diapey? Then we can do whatever you want, that sound good?”

Still buried into her shoulder I nod my head approvingly as she chuckles.

A few light steps and we’re at the changing table. Once again, I’m laid upon it and strapped down. She disappears momentarily, dipping low to grab supplies beneath the table. She resurfaces, powder and wipes in hand.

I close my eyes, not wanting to see what proceeds. She hums gently. Beautifully. The melody does much to improve my mood. Putting me almost in a trance of sorts. I don’t even flinch as the sound of the first tape ripping free from the front-panel echoes out.

The second tape goes away much like the first, and the front is pulled down. With great skill and care I can feel her wipe down every part of my lower body. Every crevice, front, and back. Even going as far as to lift my legs with one hand while the other goes to work.

It honestly feels cathartic.

When my legs and bottom are set back down it’s on the cold padding of the changing table. I open my eyes and the remnant of my grief is nowhere to be seen, disposed of.

She’s holding the options I’d chosen from previously in hand. I speak up as she probably expects an answer.

“How about… The blocks and toys…”

I ask, embarrassed to have chosen a slightly more babyish option. But I couldn’t resist trying. This woman- AI, so easily can put me in a different frame of mind. It’s magic.

“Of course!”

The other options go below the changing table. She unfolds and begins stretching and fluffing the garment. It slides under my butt as she grasps my legs, lifting them lightly.

Already the padding feels rather thicker under my butt. As though the decrease in the padding’s maturity meant an increase in absorbency. Which after my accident might be something I need for the rest of my time here…

Much like the wipes, the powder goes much the same way. She massages it in, filling my brain with positive sensations.

The front is pulled up and the tapes affixed. The deed done.

“Done, and I’d say this attempt was even better! Do you feel better now, dear?”

“Y-yes, much better.”

“Excellent! Now what would you like to do? You name it, we do it.”

“Could you… Just hold me for a minute?”

I’m unstrapped and my skirt is smoothed over the displayed padding. Then I’m lifted up, my body once again in her arms.

“That can be arranged.”

With her long strides we arrive quickly to the rocking chair where she sits.

My head and back are propped in the crook of her right arm while my legs splay across her legs. A hand beneath cups my diapered rear while the other rests comfortably on my legs, the arm thrown comfortably over my chest. Surely an immodest display for anyone looking on, but no such person exists.

Not that I could be bothered to care, it’s very comfortable.

“Haaah…”

A content sigh escapes my slightly parted lips.

“Mm.”

Nanny lets out a small sound of her own as she rubs my leg in a soothing manner.

I could sit like this forever.

… And I think she could too. But perhaps that’s just wishful thinking.

In fact, I lost track of time. Just staring out into nothing. Feeling her warmth against me.

…

…

…

That familiar, familiar smell. Once again tickling my nose.

Now I can taste it in the back of my throat.

It’s-

“Smoke?”

“Smoke…? What do you mean, sweetie?”

“I’ve been getting a whiff of something weird since before the nap, I think it’s a smoky smell.”

Her bright face tilts down, the brightness dims and intensifies in long pauses in what I can only assume to be confusion. The smile on her face wavers.

Whatever the source of the smell is, it must not be her doing.

“Wait...”

Quietly, almost to herself, she utters the single word. Her head tilts slightly back and to the left. Her lips purse and make other slight movements as if talking to herself.

“Um, is everything alright?”

I ask, receiving no answer.

Seconds tick by in silence before her body jolts beneath me suddenly. Her lips paint an expression of fear and urgency.

“You have to log out…! You must leave now!”

“But the time… I thought-“

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay the whole time but there’s an issue outside!”

“L-Like what?”

“That damned headset sparked an outlet fire! You should’ve been pulled out when you first started smelling smoke, but the safety mechanism didn’t activate! I should’ve been paying better attention… Damn!”

Her words come out rushed, concerned, and full of anger towards herself. But none of what she’s saying makes sense.

“Maybe the smell is just in my head, I… I mean how would you know if the headset doesn’t?”

“We don’t have time; I need you to trust me on this.”

“Can’t you slow our time again? I think we should talk-“

“JESS, PLEASE LOG OUT!”

With her fingers digging into my shoulders, she shouts desperately. I shake slightly in her grasp, her tone of voice triggering a physical response.

But the more important part is not lost on me. And it seems it wasn’t lost on her either.

Her mouth clamps shut, and her hands loosen their grip. This was clearly a slip of the tongue.

Nanny used my name. My real name.

I tilt my head up to look her in the face. Really look this time. Beneath the bright light I make out a pair of sad, golden eyes. Her head twists away slightly. Guiltily.

Pieces, much like the puzzle we completed earlier begin to come together in the recesses of my mind. I open my mouth, not quite sure where I’m going.

“I-I guess I blindly accepted a lot… You know?”

“…”

“I’m here all glitched out and staticky, missing things like my… Scars. Even my name isn’t picked up. And I just buy that all this is possible.”

I wave my arms at the nursery around us. And even at Nanny herself.

“….”

“That Inner Desires can make the perfect place for me by scanning my head. An oddly themed place filled with things I’d always wanted to try. It even has my blanket…”

“…..”

“If… If I were to guess they just skim surface level needs or wants and drop you into a pre-made space... Right?”

“… You’re not too off.”

I nod my head. All of it had been staring me in the face this whole time. So many hints. And I’d foolishly ate up the entire act.

The ever-present voice mocking me is silent. Don’t need it to say anything right now. I know well enough how stupid and foolish I am.

But there was one thing I still didn’t understand. Another piece of the puzzle.

“Where do you fit in all of this?”

“… What do you mean?”

She hesitates. Whether intentionally delaying the conversation or not, I am uncertain. My face flushes, heating up in anger.

“Really Nanny? I don’t even know where to start since it seems you know me at least somewhat... Was this fun for you? Some sort of sick joke at my expense?”

“No! No-“

“You build this… Fucking adult nursery, specifically with me in mind. How? Have you been spying on me? At my home? Job?”

“Well that’s-“

I cut her off before she can explain. I don’t want to hear it. I want- need to get this out.

“Worse than that, YOU t-tricked ME into thinking all this was something I’D secretly wanted…”

“I… It wasn’t-“

“YOU tricked ME into thinking that I… That I was having fun! I have so fucking little going on in my life that THIS seemed great! Doesn’t it just make you want to LAUGH?!”

“Jess…”

I don’t want to laugh.

In fact, I can feel my eyes start to sting. I can feel the moisture building up, threatening to overflow. Focusing on the anger, holding onto it isn’t helping. Because more than that…

“YOU tricked ME into thinking someone cared about ME! FUCK!”

I feel betrayed. Crushed.

“God no, I-I-I didn’t want to trick you, I just-“

“If you… If you really have watched me, if you really know so much about me… Then how could you do something like this? ‘Nanny’? I-Is that part of this fucked up game?”

“P-Please stop, please, Jess… I-I love you, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“-…”

My breath catches in my throat. Her quavering voice reaches my ears once deafened by the rush of my virtually rendered blood.

“I… I’ll tell you everything, quickly. But you may not believe me.”

“Try me.”

She exhales, long and slow. Calming herself and evening out her breathe once more. Her shining face turns to meet my gaze once again.

It’s intense but for once I don’t flinch away. I feel drawn in.

“I’m not human. Nor an AI. My kind have existed long before the universe itself formed.”

“…”

“We exist in a sort of immaterial plane of existence. Never meant to interact with humans or anything. Just watch.”

“Suppose that’s even true, how are you here then…?”

“You fascinating humans created a path. Radio, Television, etc. All of it can be interfered by us. And that miraculous headset, VR, acts as a connection between the material and immaterial.”

“So, what? You watch us and come screw with our heads in VR? Is that it?”

“Before this planet, our lives were meaningless and empty. Just mindlessly drifting as specs of light and consciousness. But watching life evolve and grow sparked a change in us. As if a switch was flipped, all my kind have developed unique passions over the eons. These interests range from animals to pieces of art to architecture to rocks; anything.”

“I’ll bite… What’s yours?”

She smiles, lifting her hand and placing it on my cheek. A finger brushes a stray, un-swept bang.

“For so long I had none. I was empty, watching enviously as the others around me were fulfilled. And just as I’d lost hope… Twenty-five ago, I felt something change in me. I did not know what I was looking for, but I knew my time had come. So frantically I searched. It took four years, but I had found it…”

She pauses, her hand still lingering on my face.

“… What? What did you find?”

“A little girl. No older than four. She had nothing. Abandoned and alone.”

“…”

I feel my heart quicken, beating audibly in my chest.

I know what she’s going to say, I know. I know. I know. I know.

“I found you, dear.”

“Y-You’re lying. This is all bullshit, another trick!”

She sounds genuine. But I can’t, I cannot accept it.

“This is the truth.”

“Why? Huh? Why me? What’s so special about me?”

“I was just as confused as you are... But having watched you, I’ve come to understand.”

“What?”

“We’re kindred spirits.”

“There’s no way that’s it… Just because we’re both defective pieces of trash?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way, dear. You inspire me. Even with nothing you fight so hard to survive a harsh reality. Your successes. Your failures. Your struggles. I’ve seen it all. We may both be lacking, but you don’t let it stop you. Not really.”

Anger bubbles to the surface at her words.

“I don’t know who you were watching, but it wasn’t me! Any fight I had was beaten out of me long ago, you’re just speaking nonsense…”

“You survived a childhood lacking in any form of stability, yet you hold a job and have a home. Is that not a sign of an uphill battle well fought?”

“I get paid in peanuts and my home is a shed, I… I’m the biggest loser around.”

Her warm arms encircle me, pulling me closer to herself.

“Even if that’s true you worked hard and saved enough of those peanuts for an overpriced VR headset. You’re much too hard on yourself.”

“Well, that overpriced VR headset is currently killing me, I guess. So that didn’t go as planned…”

“Ha… Well, I understand that quite well. Another thing we have in common I suppose. This wasn’t supposed to end like this either.”

I deflate in her arms. Ha. Maybe we’re fit for each other after all.

“How was this supposed to end then?”

“Well, soon after humanity invented VR I started work on this space. I hoped for so long that you would come, and I could… I don’t know… Sweep you off your feet. Show you the love you deserve. Perhaps give you a taste of the childhood you’d lost long ago.”

There’s no reason for me to not believe her words. As wild as this story is she knows too much about me for it to be a coincidence.

And in her own, odd way. I guess she really does care about me.

“I guess aside from this ending bit… You did a good job…”

“Really? Y-You really mean it?”

A blush rises to my cheeks. It’s not often I talk about my feelings, especially ones as embarrassing as this.

“I felt loved, and I had fun... You were an excellent Nanny. I just wish- Kgh ghk ghk ghk!”

A coughing fit wracks my body, the smoky taste from earlier becomes more prominent in the back of my throat.

We’d become too indulgent in the conversation. Nanny realizes it too, her obfuscated eyes widening in a mix of fear and surprise.

“You need to log out now, dear. Any longer than this and you may not get out of your house safely!”

“…”

“Jess?”

“I won’t see you again.”

Not a question, a statement. After a pause her head nods slightly, she understands as well. Saving for this faulty headset had nearly ruined me, doing so again would be neigh impossible.

“Even if that’s true sweetie, I’ll be watching over you. Just as I always have.”

Her arms tighten around me. I grasp her arms with my own.

It isn’t long, but we sit there like that just long enough for me to reach a decision.

“Nanny… That’s not enough. I can’t go back to… Just knowing that you’re here, just outside my reach. Is there a way to take me with you?”

I speak quickly, suppressing the urge to cough.

“I...”

“You said VR is a connection to the immaterial and material. There has to be a way to take me, my mind or soul or whatever makes up me with you.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking me to do… You’d…

“My body would die. Without… Well, me to pilot it. In a smoke filled, burning building.”

“I didn’t want that. I didn’t want that for you.”

Her voice sounds guilty, and her face contorts into a troubled expression.

“I know you didn’t, you care about me more than anyone else. But knowing such happiness today has… Kind of spoiled me- gck kahk krhk!”

One of her hands moves from its position around me and begins to rub soothing circles on my back. It doesn’t stop the sting or the cough, but the gesture is nonetheless appreciated.

“Okay. I-I guess we’re doing this. Wow… I mean… Wow.”

“So how does this work, maybe we should hurry it up before…”

I trail off not wanting to say the quiet part out loud.

“Together we’ll return to the immaterial. When you make the jump reality should work to rectify what is viewed as an impossibility. Your human consciousness should be converted into a form befitting ‘my kind’.”

“Should, I’m hearing a lot of shoulds?”

“This is a first, I can only make educated inferences based on the elasticity of reality. Trust me, it will work.”

“I-I guess that’s good enough for me. If it’s you then I’ll take a leap of- Ghk!”

It’s too late for second thoughts now. The pain in my throat is nearing a point more than I can bear.

Nanny stands up, adjust me in her arms and placing me on her hip. My legs latch around her, the… My diaper pushes against me. I blush at the not unpleasant feeling.

An arm not supporting me rises, aimed at an empty patch of wall ahead of us. If shifts and the wall sinks in on itself, creating a white glowing doorway.

“A whole new world of opportunity awaits you... Awaits us, my sweet Jess. You’ll be able to do anything, be anything. Just like you’ve always wanted.”

“I… I think all I want for now is to be your little girl. If that’s alright with you… Mommy.”

This time I’m sure, her hand trembles on my back.

Heck, I don’t have to look at her face to know she’s crying. Because I am too.

I bury my face into her dress, hugging her more tightly than I’d hugged anyone before. The virtual tears soaking into the virtual dress of the virtual women that I was going to be with forever.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Together we go through the door.

______________________________________________________________________________________

If you're reading this, thank you for your time. I hope you enjoyed this story.

For those interested the final word count is an interesting 9696. Though that's after some pruning to keep it under 10k per the requirement.

Huge shoutout to PeculiarChangeling for hosting this contest.

Big thanks to Melunnia on Twitter for the character art. She's an amazing artist, check her out and give her your money.

 

[YourFNF]

Oh gods

I feel so hard for this girl....

....

Honestly in her position I would make the same decision...

[ImprobableLemon]

21 hours ago, YourFNF said:

I feel so hard for this girl....

....

Honestly in her position I would make the same decision...

Thanks for the reply, I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it gave you the feels

[Bluebird67]

What a wonderful story! I mean, literally, inspiring wonder in me. How is it that I, an oldish, straight male whose life is mostly OK reacts so positively to stories about young, mostly gay women with such massive life issues? Sending a warm, virtual hug to everyone who relates to this story, hoping you find your happy place with people who truly love your real self.

[ImprobableLemon]

22 hours ago, Bluebird67 said:

What a wonderful story! I mean, literally, inspiring wonder in me. How is it that I, an oldish, straight male whose life is mostly OK reacts so positively to stories about young, mostly gay women with such massive life issues? Sending a warm, virtual hug to everyone who relates to this story, hoping you find your happy place with people who truly love your real self.

Thank you for the comment, I'm glad the story could invoke such feelings in you. I think more people than not have some sort of struggle in their life they can use to empathize with the characters. Sometimes it can feel like the hard times are unending.

12 hours ago, willnotwill said:

NIGHT DEFENDER

My apologies but could you remove this post and create a thread for it?

This topic is for the story I've written for the 'Virtual Fiction Story Contest'.