Be careful what you wish for

[tantricfollower]

I have suffered from stress incontinence for a number of years and took to the safety first of pull ups and then diapers.   I found a strange comfort and security in wearing  and using diapers and  took to wearing them full time about seven years ago.   I found and last contributed to Daily Diapers in that first year, when exploring the reasons for the pleasure I found in my increasing reliance on just peeing in my diaper both at home and when out.   In a strange way, having just retired from a management job, it was something I had a secret control over.  In Daily Diapers I found others who like me, sought increasing incontinence.  
Then I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer.  At my first surgeon’s appointment I exaggerated my lack of control thinking that would ensure his agreement to an operation.  It was the opposite as he forecast a resulting complete incontinence.  He initially refused to sanction an operation with a ‘see what develops’  approach. This complete incontinence was surely what I had been seeking but then my reaction was Christ what have I been doing.   Faced with compulsory, not voluntary incontinence I panicked; this was not what I wanted.  I had been playing a dangerous game and suddenly was faced with a either a total lack of control or death by prostate.   To cut a long story short I persuaded him to operate and  I practiced practiced and practiced pelvic floor exercises as soon as the post operative catheter was removed. My deteriorating control was reversed and I was almost fully continent again.  Thank God.  However, as I write this in the comfort of a Drylife, I am quietly enjoying the increasing warmth of a pee.  It’s starting again, but the loss of control is under my control.  What a strange lot we are. 

[oznl]

I’m sorry you were diagnosed with “The Big C” and hope you’re ok now.

Something that bothers me here is that my experience has been that after prolonged use of diapers for urination (24/7 for more than 3 years), a range of peeing dysfunctions have appeared: weak stream, incomplete voiding, nocturia, the list goes on.  The relevancy to your story is that MANY of these symptoms can also be prostate cancer ones according to Dr Google.

I have a strong family history of prostate cancer and rely upon 6 monthly PSA tests by my Dr to monitor for anything (all normal to date) but still, I have that range of abnormal-urination symptoms that I’ve not called out because I believe them to be a function of emerging dependency rather that something pathological.

Can I ask, what symptom or event caused your prostate cancer to be diagnosed?

Perhaps others (or even me) can learn from this and obtain early detection with the relatively good chances this brings.

[cathdiap]

This is why I like using stents to enjoy incontinence. I don't have to be careful what I wish for because a stent makes it reversible any time I want. 

[tantricfollower]

As long as I can remember, I always had a weak flow,  and by pre op,  life was easy with frequent small wettings and little chance of diaper failure in my daytime Tena Ultima.   With the prostate gone, I pee like a horse and need to monitor more closely possible flooding.    Wearing diapers now gives me that security we all seek, now physically as well as psychologically
My prostate had obviously slowly enlarged unnoticed over the months/years.  PSA tests are not 100% but worth doing as we get older, prostate cancer is a silent disease.

[Old_PA]

Back in 2006 a friend of mine was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I asked my Dr about tests and he organised a PSA. I was outside the range. The morning pee had been slow for many years. It was wait and watch. After the PSA had climbed further, biopsies were taken. Negative. Still the PSA crept upwards. More biopsies in 2014, this time positive. Surprisingly the thought of the big C was no shock as I was convinced I already had it. My urologist was a surgeon and I wanted it out. After 3 months it was removed; especially large apparently. Erections become a thing of the past but at the ripe old age of 70, I didn't care. Together with the prostate, the inner sphincter is removed. I was partially incontinent for 10 weeks, requiring the use of pads. That was when I discovered diapers but settled on recreational use of pull ups which suited me better. In more recent years I have returned to the regular use of minimum thickness pads at other times, as passing wind is always problematic. I have never achieved a totally comfortable stent but really enjoy using a holey foley. Re erections, apparently there are pellets which can be inserted (not available in Oz where I live) or injections. 

[tantricfollower]

On 6/1/2022 at 9:42 AM, cathdiap said:

This is why I like using stents to enjoy incontinence. I don't have to be careful what I wish for because a stent makes it reversible any time I want. 

Having a catheter and bag for fifteen days after the op has put me off experimenting with catheter/stents for life.  It is the gentle sensation of the  uncontrolled  flow when peeing that satisfies me. With a catheter you never know you have peed till you have to change either bag or diaper.  

We are all here for different reasons I guess and get our kicks differently.  Having lurked on Incontinent desires for years and playing with letting go both at home and out and while sleeping,  I was progressing step by step towards incontinence.  Suddenly  I had been given an opportunity to look down the barrel of irreversible full and complete incontinence,  I realised the thought of it being totally out of my control completely terrified me and led me to practice practice practice to restrengthen the pelvic floor.

 However, now it’s early morning and I am sitting in bed with a full Betterdry (did I wake in the night to pee, I can’t remember) and glorying in  the pleasant almost sexual feel of the occasional and gentle sensation of the uncontrolled flow, I know I am back on that slippery slope to incontinence.  But my lack of control is under my control isn’t  it?  The feeling of security I get from simply wearing a diaper is normal isn’t it? I can retrain any time I want, can’t I?   That is the addict’s excuse and I know  it.