Dear Diary....

[BabyJilly_S]

Dear Diary (or should I say Dear Drooper? ) 

I thought I would start one of these journey threads myself, instead of just hijacking other peoples when something happens that is vaguely of interest or may prove amusing. Probably should have done so earlier to be honest.

So to give a little backstory I guess this latest foray started as a result of a confluence of events in my life. I had a bad kidney stone and was advised to drink lots more and that did not agree my seemingly walnut sized bladder. Waking up during the night to go to the loo was destroying my sleep and I started reading abdl fiction (again). 

I have previously delved into my adbl side (as a trans/tv rebuilding yourself to be a girl from baby up is frankly a dream) but never came across these sites as my surfing skills were weak and it was years ago. Reading these pages sparked something inside me and also let me know that diaper technology had moved on somewhat. The old cloth nappies I had purchased (a selection of preformed pants and the ones with the velcro) whilst functional proved a massive pain to launder when I previously experimented though they do bulk you out nicely and give you that waddle. 

Anyway, with this new found knowledge I dipped my toe and ordered some disposables, I think some Tykables Unicorns and Rearz Princess Pinks. These were frankly a revelation, so soft, absorbent and comfortable. So I started wearing during the day, then it just snowballed and the time in nappies increased. I  believe that I actually went 24/7 in October 2020. 

Since that day there was only one day (Christmas Day 2020) where I was not padded in some way. The early days visiting relatives or friends I would wear a pull up or something rather than the full diaper as I was worried about discovery and of course I am not incontinent so could do so. On that front, I decided that I would use nappies as intended so for both functions, I haven't gone to the loo on my own toilet in well over a year.

Initially I had the problems people seemingly always have, you basically have to learn how to pee lying down (which was done bit by bit on various inclines) and lose the self-consciousness. The "clench" still torments me, though it may be lessening. 

So following this decision and wanting to be able to sleep through the night I also decided to try self-hypnosis, using a set of ear buds as I go to bed, listening and eventually falling asleep to the ones i have downloaded or cribbed from Youtube. The jury may be out on their total efficacy but I find them very relaxing and believe they have helped. There is a lot of mind over matter involved with un-training I think and with accepting yourself as an AB.... 

So over the course of the last 18 months there has been much "work" experimenting with what diapers I prefer, which ended up being Megamax's for function, BetterDrys for overnight, Dotty Diapers for general daytime but in reality I have a whole heap that I like to rotate depending on mood. If I am feeling very little my choice would be very different from the all-work Megamax I use to go into the office. The new ABU Little Kings make the little baby girl inside me go "squeeee"

During this period my continence has remained during the day pretty much, though I try not to test it and just go whenever it happens. I can hold it if I really need to but i do believe that when I really need to go I have less control. 

Overnight is a different matter though, as recent months have proved exciting in that I was almost sure I was wetting overnight without knowing it, however proving it was basically impossible as I still wake up on occasion needing to give permission to go. To aid this I do drink before bed (gotta have something in there to need to go)  I have put a protective sheet on the mattress and I have an absorbent incontinence pad across the bed. I think it helps to know that there are no bad consequences to wetting, good diaper plastic pants etc etc.  

Which leads up to the point of this post. After reading @oznl's latest missive I thought it time to review my own progress and this came into sharp focus this very morning.  

Today I awoke in a wet bed when the alarm clock went off at 6:30am.  This wasn't just damp it was wet. 

Now over the last month or so I have felt damp by my bum when waking up but for some bizarre reason had thought I was just sweating as diapers and plastic pants get hot. I have no idea why, when the dampness was only on the left side of me , looking back its is blindingly obvious that I have been sleeping on my side and going  When I wake up and go I am always on my back and so don't leak...

So I can say for sure now that I am a bedwetter.

It is a strange feeling to have accomplished this, now its seemingly "real".

I need nappies to go to bed.

I need nappies....

Wow, saying that just blows my mind and makes me feel like nothing else, just wow.....

 

 

 

[oznl]

14 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Today I awoke in a wet bed when the alarm clock went off at 6:30am.  This wasn't just damp it was wet. 

Now over the last month or so I have felt damp by my bum when waking up but for some bizarre reason had thought I was just sweating as diapers and plastic pants get hot. I have no idea why, when the dampness was only on the left side of me , looking back its is blindingly obvious that I have been sleeping on my side and going  When I wake up and go I am always on my back and so don't leak...

So I can say for sure now that I am a bedwetter.

It is a strange feeling to have accomplished this, now its seemingly "real".

I need nappies to go to bed.

I need nappies....

Wow, saying that just blows my mind and makes me feel like nothing else, just wow.....

 

It was indeed a very strange and powerful alloy of emotions running through me when I first surveyed a pee-ruined bed at 3am and realised inescapably, that something I had started now had a life of its own and was to some extent, beyond my control.  My night nappies were no longer discretionary, they were necessary.

Assuming cloth is impractical for you, I highly recommend terry-lined waterproof pants to mop up the almost inevitable leaks that occur from adult disposables in bed on a side sleeper.

Welcome to our secret society btw... ?

 

[BabyJilly_S]

1 hour ago, oznl said:

It was indeed a very strange and powerful alloy of emotions running through me when I first surveyed a pee-ruined bed at 3am and realised inescapably, that something I had started now had a life of its own and was to some extent, beyond my control.  My night nappies were no longer discretionary, they were necessary.

Assuming cloth is impractical for you, I highly recommend terry-lined waterproof pants to mop up the almost inevitable leaks that occur from adult disposables in bed on a side sleeper.

Welcome to our secret society btw... ?

 

Thanks  

[BabyJilly_S]

A minor update as last night something "new" happened. I quote new as this may have happened before I guess, these things are difficult to quantify. 

Usually overnight when I need to go and there is a "kink in the hose" or some other impediment I get woken up ro grant permission or readjust so I can go. Last night I was awoken, not once but twice when I was seemingly already going with a goodly stream. It was like my body forgot to ask and then went "oh shit" better wake the boss and make sure its ok...

 

[oznl]

On 2/16/2022 at 6:27 PM, BabyJilly_S said:

Usually overnight when I need to go and there is a "kink in the hose" or some other impediment I get woken up ro grant permission or readjust so I can go. Last night I was awoken, not once but twice when I was seemingly already going with a goodly stream. It was like my body forgot to ask and then went "oh shit" better wake the boss and make sure its ok...

It's so bizarre when that happens.  At some point you realise you are only being woken because you are physically unable to wet in your sleep and your body isn't happy about this: a complete reversal of the norm. 

The other phenomenon whereby we wake up to discover we are just finishing a pee is also familiar to me and I'm left wondering if that was something I'd "decided" to do but in a sleep-befuddled state, somehow forgot making that decision.  Other times I'll just sleep straight through and wake wet. 

The frequency of all of this seems to be accelerating for me and I suspect I'm coming off a long plateau.

 

[BabyJilly_S]

And then the flip side happens...

Last night I was woken up four times during the night, each time with the  semi on pointing in the wrong direction. The last time at about 5:45am and despite my best efforts lying there that time could not let it happen. Basically had to get up, it was like I had reverted to an earlier form. 

Confusing and a little disappointing....

 

[oznl]

14 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

And then the flip side happens...

Last night I was woken up four times during the night, each time with the  semi on pointing in the wrong direction. The last time at about 5:45am and despite my best efforts lying there that time could not let it happen. Basically had to get up, it was like I had reverted to an earlier form. 

Confusing and a little disappointing....

 

My experience has been that when it starts, it's fragile, fickle and flighty.  Over time however, a trend emerges.  I'm mostly wet at night now although last night, possibly as a result of a load of garden work done yesterday in heat and humidity, I had a "dry" night.  First one in ages.

[BabyJilly_S]

Fragile fickle and flighty indeed.

This week I once again awoke damp a couple of times and again seemingly unable to connect the dots in my brain it just didn't compute.

Last night I went belt and braces so to speak and wore a large terry pair with commensurately large plastic pants over my usual BetterDry/plastic pants combo and lo and behold, no dampness. I am not sure why my brain cant deal with the obvious.

This does lead onto the realisation that, hey I do sleep on my side more than I thought, given the leaky evidence presented. 

[oznl]

9 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Fragile fickle and flighty indeed.

This week I once again awoke damp a couple of times and again seemingly unable to connect the dots in my brain it just didn't compute.

Last night I went belt and braces so to speak and wore a large terry pair with commensurately large plastic pants over my usual BetterDry/plastic pants combo and lo and behold, no dampness. I am not sure why my brain cant deal with the obvious.

The process is nearly as bizarre as the objective.  The way I see it, teaching yourself to genuinely wet the bed can be compared to Douglas Adams' description in his seminal work "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" on how to fly using just your body (throwing yourself to the ground and somehow missing).

Quoth the guide:  "One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't."

I still have "dry" nights.  Just not so many lately.

[Stroller]

17 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

I am not sure why my brain cant deal with the obvious.

Yup, me too.  I'm fully nappied every night, so no anxiety about letting go.  Every night I wake up occasionally, with no feeling of needing to wet.  And usually I'll start wetting without any notice at some point after that, & then I go back to sleep.  But I still always wake up - I don't wet in my sleep, even though I'm lying in exactly the same position I'm going to be in when I wake up and wet.  Maybe I did wet in my sleep once, but that could be just wishful thinking.

[Kawaharu]

On 3/4/2022 at 3:43 AM, Stroller said:

Yup, me too.  I'm fully nappied every night, so no anxiety about letting go.  Every night I wake up occasionally, with no feeling of needing to wet.  And usually I'll start wetting without any notice at some point after that, & then I go back to sleep.  But I still always wake up - I don't wet in my sleep, even though I'm lying in exactly the same position I'm going to be in when I wake up and wet.  Maybe I did wet in my sleep once, but that could be just wishful thinking.

Yup, same here as well. I’m permanently diapered and I have zero anxiety or fear of letting go. I just let go in my diaper and keep on going. 

[BabyJilly_S]

It is so ingrained in us to not go that there is a large mental component to all this. We also don't want to leak overnight.

I felt much happier and more relaxed after putting in some protection for my mattress, seemingly anxiety much reduced because as I wrote above with leaking, that only happened after I put my protector and pad in so there must be something in it.

In other news the weeks turn and some days I think I sleep through and some days I definitely get woken up, like last night. Twice needing physical "adjustment" and relaxation before I could release. Kind of annoying but seemingly less common, I thought about logging it but generally after I wake up I am never 100% sure what happened....I  guess that's a good  thing. 

 

 

 

 

[oznl]

15 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

In other news the weeks turn and some days I think I sleep through and some days I definitely get woken up, like last night. Twice needing physical "adjustment" and relaxation before I could release. Kind of annoying but seemingly less common, I thought about logging it but generally after I wake up I am never 100% sure what happened....I  guess that's a good  thing.

I think I stayed on that "plateau" for months and months.  If there was one piece of advice I could muster it would be to try to not think about it and just keep on using your nappies.  Eventually it seems, your body gets on board with the program and it all goes to "automatic".  I suspect I sleep wet more often than not right now.

I still get kinked hoses.  This event invariably wakes me which if nothing else tells me that if that hadn't have happened, I'd probably just have stayed asleep and wet.

[BabyJilly_S]

Another week of fits and starts.

This week I kept falling asleep on my (far too comfortable and recline-y) sofa after I have had my evening meal. This had me then waking up at midnight or so just as I am supposed to go to bed putting my entire sleep routine out of whack. No good nights sleep, tossing and turning, no evening of hydration, my brain fuzzy and not working properly. 

Until last night, avoiding the dreaded sofa monster I was able to follow my usual evening routine. The result was I went to bed normally, I recall one minor wake up and awoke this morning after a good nights rest in a gloriously saturated Betterdry , front to back. 

That felt much more like it.

[oznl]

17 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Another week of fits and starts.

This week I kept falling asleep on my (far too comfortable and recline-y) sofa after I have had my evening meal. This had me then waking up at midnight or so just as I am supposed to go to bed putting my entire sleep routine out of whack. No good nights sleep, tossing and turning, no evening of hydration, my brain fuzzy and not working properly. 

Until last night, avoiding the dreaded sofa monster I was able to follow my usual evening routine. The result was I went to bed normally, I recall one minor wake up and awoke this morning after a good nights rest in a gloriously saturated Betterdry , front to back. 

That felt much more like it.

Yep.  I fell asleep in a recliner last night.  Woke up at 11pm.  I did my usual Friday thing upon waking and changed into a dry nappy before going to bed but I think I'd actually already "been" whilst sleeping in the chair.

I woke up at 3am in a dry nappy and needing a pee which was rather annoying.  It's been the first "dry" Friday night (Saturday morning really) in bed in ages and I was somewhat disappointed by it.

Falling asleep out of bed and out of time really messes with my sleep pattern too which is fragile at the best of times.  I'll be more careful tonight.

[BabyJilly_S]

On 3/26/2022 at 2:17 AM, oznl said:

Yep.  I fell asleep in a recliner last night.  Woke up at 11pm.  I did my usual Friday thing upon waking and changed into a dry nappy before going to bed but I think I'd actually already "been" whilst sleeping in the chair.

I woke up at 3am in a dry nappy and needing a pee which was rather annoying.  It's been the first "dry" Friday night (Saturday morning really) in bed in ages and I was somewhat disappointed by it.

Falling asleep out of bed and out of time really messes with my sleep pattern too which is fragile at the best of times.  I'll be more careful tonight.

Not sure I have made that particular breakthrough of going when I have nodded off on the sofa. I hope it will happen at some point, after all, asleep is asleep but i still wake up. 

The problem is i really do like falling asleep on the sofa, the fire is on, I am all toasty, listening to the telly or some music. Still screws everything up though as you say...

[BabyJilly_S]

Not a lot of anything to report apart from going to work now and again. Usually as I am ensconced in my home office/games room nappy concerns are of no moment, but going into the office brings a whole level of different for 24/7.

It seems that I do need to modify my thought process as flooding has happened. Usually I just try to let it get on with it without much user input but this has caused a bit of a panic on one occasion as I seemed to want to go a gallon and was poorly positioned to do so. Thank god for the gary's to be honest.

So I seem to need to make a change and every 30 mins or so consciously relax and release anything that is in there. This seems counterintuitive to me but hopefully will become some sort of autopilot process in time...  Little and often seems to be the way.

[oznl]

1 hour ago, BabyJilly_S said:

So I seem to need to make a change and every 30 mins or so consciously relax and release anything that is in there. This seems counterintuitive to me but hopefully will become some sort of autopilot process in time...  Little and often seems to be the way.

Been there, done that.  In my experience it's been pretty much as you've surmised: practice, practice, practice.  Not automatic but maybe semi-automatic.  Not sure that I'm incontinent but I know that I leak a lot less.  That must count for something!

Even today I will sometimes "forget" to pee.  It's not that common now though as it used to be.

[BabyJilly_S]

Haven't posted much lately, have been in a small mental slump, a bit of a funk if you will. Have things to do and things I want to do but just haven't the energy. My get up and go, got up and went.

So trying pull myself up thought I would attempt an update...

There was one work milestone worth mentioning. I use a Megamax when attending the office as these are top quality and hold quantity well, have good tapes and all that so it lasts all day. From a physical perspective usually my body is quite compliant with my wishes and I get up and am able to go number 2 in my overnight nappy within the first hour or so. This avoids any changing or anything during the day. When I go into the office I do carry a change kit with a spare emergency diaper and all the necessary accoutrements just in case, though I have never needed it. My intention was if I needed to go I would use the toilet for number 2's.

However this day I felt very bloated and after and hour or so of being up and unable to go I thought I  would help things along with a small suppository. This worked as they usually do within 20 mins and much relief was felt. So 30 mins or so after that I trot off to work, however mid journey there were rumblings....

As I walked into the office my body decided it was round 2 and I was choiceless in the matter, concluding in a messy diaper. I know this isnt very big news for most here, but for me it was a first and I had to deal as sitting all day in that wouldn't really work for me or for anyone I was near. I did have a plan should I need to change and this was to use the disabled toilet (which has now been renamed to the gender neutral toilet) as this has plenty of space, however for some reason this was out of order. So a cubicle in the mens toilets it was, and after a while of wipes and whatnot and some unexpected and interesting bodily contortion I was again clean and clad in a fresh Megamax. Minor crisis averted though i had to take more care during the day so as to not need an second change.

In other news I have had a couple of genuine bedwetting episodes where I have seemingly overwhelmed my Betterdry and leaked out the top at the back. This came as a surprise as I also wear double thick terry over the top with plastic pants. The first time that was also pretty wet, so I really overdid it and there was a large wet circle when I awoke which had gone through the sheets. Fortunately I came prepared with a bed pad and mattress protector, though I had seemingly placed the bad pad in the wrong place as half the 18 inch wet circle was missing it.    

The second time I had apparently moved during the night and my terry pants had slipped down, so I just leaked. However better placement of the bed pad caught all of that. I do purposely drink plenty in the hours before going to bed as in my brain you have have something there to need to go to be able to learn how to just go on autopilot.     

I can recommend the bed pad, it wont absorb huge amounts but it coped well with the leaks I had, as did the matress protector so for those in the UK these are what I use :-

https://www.incontinenceshop.com/drylife-washable-bed-pad-with-tucks-85cm-x-115cm

https://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-partners-specialist-synthetic-waterproof-terry-towelling-mattress-protector/p3765086

Neither are particularly expensive, I bought a couple of each.  

As for the progress of overnight auto-wetting, well, as Oznl states, it seems to be 1 step forward 2 steps back, weird plateau, did I didn't I kind of un-knowable. I am trying to just tune it out, if I  don't wake up and go, thats fine. If I  wake up I go and then go back to sleep, also fine, I'm hoping eventually it'll just get bored asking.... 

Gimme that blur thing, that sounds great

Thats all I really have for the last few weeks, not huge amounts going on, apart from turning 56, blimey I feel old.....

[BabyJilly_S]

Last week I had the conundrum that I guess many secret 24/7 wearers do - I had a wedding to go to. 

Quelle horreur to be honest as I am not usually a fan of such things but this was my cousin so there was really no choice. Anyhow, in the preceding weeks this did require a deep dive of a very un-visited wardrobe in which my suit and other "tidy" clothing have been gathering dust since work went semi-casual. Finding said tidy-wear I dragged out my one suit and a couple of pairs of trousers and proceeded to attempt to fit into them.  As you can imagine , following lock down (and far too many pies I guess) this did not go well. I couldn't fit into anything, whether I was wearing a diaper or not. Was I really ever that slim?

Nowadays all I wear are black slightly stretchy jeans which do cover a Megamax in a mostly acceptable manner but unless you are an outlier at a wedding you can't really get away with that sort of thing. So I resigned myself to the inevitable and purchased a tidy pair of trousers, in another size up from what I am usually wearing which proved to be only just good enough, where the waist was fine but seemingly tidy suit style trousers are not cut for comfort or for diapers.

Now I am not daytime incontinent, and though I have been wearing for nearly two years solidly in theory I can go without diapers in the day as long as the toilets are not miles away (I've always had a small bladder  anyway). So this led to two weeks of massive soulsearching and internal discussion. Never have the angel one one shoulder and devil on the other been so apparent to me.

Its a wedding, it's not about me, man up and go "commando", look tidy for your cousin, don't make a scene, don't get noticed. Such thoughts swirled around my head endlessly and didn't ever resolve.    

On the day of the wedding I was still undecided. What if I am not quite so continent as I think? What if i dribble or can't hold it?

In the end I wore a diaper - even with all the inevitable photos and family there i still had to wear one - I don't know why. I chose a Dotty Diaper plastic backed with a pair of plastic pants, they were as large as I could get away with and not appear obvious. Megamax and others were just too big,

Now on the day It didn't help that the temperature in the UK was 34 centigrade which is extremely hot for us and it was an outside wedding with little cover. No way to hide. It was an intensely uncomfortable 6 hours in that heat with all the associated fear of discovery and leaks whirling in my brain. I made a couple of trips to the toilet to appear normal but mainly to just make sure everything was in place, it was, very sweaty and uncomfortable, but in place. I  guess the hot weather gave that one advantage of not needing to go that much, all liquid taken on was needed.

I  do have to say though the wedding itself was lovely, they were a smashing couple, food was great and everyone was friendly and fun.

It's just in my head all the time was the thought of whats in my trousers....

[BabyJilly_S]

A thought occurred to me other day as I  was reading about dreams from @oznl and @Little Sherri. 

I don't have any pee dreams at all nowadays. I am a recollector of dreams if they happen at the right time but since going 24/7 they have been remarkably absent.

I used to regularly have the pee dream where you desperately want to go , but can't find a toilet. Or if you do it is in the middle of a bunch of people, or with transparent walls, or the door is missing or something. All these of course because i did need to go, my body was refusing to let go and my  brain was interpreting this into my dream. I don't miss that at all, though I do miss dreaming as much...

In other "interesting" news, I actually had the first occurrence of waking up during a large pee. I don't normally wake up unless the old fella is at attention and i can't go at all, so it was somewhat of a surprise. I believe it was because I was on my side and perhaps my brain still had some connection, wanting me to be on my back or fearing my nappy would  leak.... a quick roll onto my back and i was asleep again in seconds...

[oznl]

10 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

I used to regularly have the pee dream where you desperately want to go , but can't find a toilet. Or if you do it is in the middle of a bunch of people, or with transparent walls, or the door is missing or something.

I remember these.  They eventually morphed into versions where at some point, late in the piece, where I was able to "properly" go.  I suspect these were the very early instances of bedwetting.

10 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

In other "interesting" news, I actually had the first occurrence of waking up during a large pee. I don't normally wake up unless the old fella is at attention and i can't go at all, so it was somewhat of a surprise. I believe it was because I was on my side and perhaps my brain still had some connection, wanting me to be on my back or fearing my nappy would  leak.... a quick roll onto my back and i was asleep again in seconds...

The "old fella at attention" thing is REALLY annoying.  It inhibits my bedwetting (forcing me to wake) and then makes it difficult to wet when I DO wake.  Far better to deal with itself on automatic and leave me out of the picture until later.

[BabyJilly_S]

On 9/28/2022 at 8:18 AM, oznl said:

The "old fella at attention" thing is REALLY annoying.  It inhibits my bedwetting (forcing me to wake) and then makes it difficult to wet when I DO wake.  Far better to deal with itself on automatic and leave me out of the picture until later.

This, so much this, I wish this would go away forever. Was a large part of desiring this in the first place. Still, at least i don't have to get up now I  suppose.

[BabyJilly_S]

Well, it has been quite a while since I  last posted here. To be honest there hasn't been any individual event being truly noteworthy, I  tend to end up commenting on similarities with @Little Sherriand @oznl but there is now enough for something that may prove vaguely interesting.

I had a visit from my sister to my house the other day which is an unusual occurrence as I usually visit them as our parents live in their granny annexe. 

I did what I do when I have expected visitors, expunging all traces of my "habit" from general view however i just forgot that currently I have had six cases of diapers in my hallway for a month or two as I have no where to put them. Six huge cardboard boxes containing a total 280 diapers taking up most of the space. 

My sister came in and obviously said "whats in the boxes?" to which i replied, "umm, stuff and supplies" 

"Oh" she said and didn't pursue the matter

Later that week my best mate came round and said exactly the same thing, and i replied "supplies" -  no further inquiry forthcoming

I don't know if anyone is putting 2 and 2 together, what with the fella that had a bladder the size of a walnut, needing the loo a lot now seems to have a massive capacity and NEVER goes anymore  

The bedwetting still proves to be fickle, however if I manage to go to bed at a reasonable hour, say midnight, then the chances seem much higher, if I have a late then then I end up waking up with him standing to attention.

The clench is still horribly prevalent and I hate it, I need to try and relax more and get that under some control.

After two and half years I had my first diaper dream last night which was a surprise. It was, as they mostly are,  a strange mish mash of events and happenings. I was attending a wedding, and somehow had woken up in my overnight finery, basically a Betterdry with double thick terry pants and a plastic pants on that. However my bed was outside and I was sat on it having a discussion about wedding details with my sister. We appeared to be on a nice veranda outside a hotel with tables and chairs in the sunshine, people milling about, no one taking any notice of my particular state of dress. This then merged into my attempting to find my room so I could change and get dressed, again no one paying me any heed, interuppted by more wedding stuff, having a meal on the tables.

Eventually I seemed to have found my room as it cut to me in my suit trousers with a nice Megamax underneath, this time browsing some record/motorcycle shop that was there (yes, both!).

All in all fairly uneventful as dreams go, but it followed the usual trope of my dreams, trying to get out of somewhere or do something...

In other news I have become addicted to onesies and found footed jammies, these make me feel very little and are extremely nice in the cold winter....  

[oznl]

On 3/14/2023 at 9:57 PM, BabyJilly_S said:

I did what I do when I have expected visitors, expunging all traces of my "habit" from general view however i just forgot that currently I have had six cases of diapers in my hallway for a month or two as I have no where to put them. Six huge cardboard boxes containing a total 280 diapers taking up most of the space.

I’ve noticed that over time, my “nappy footprint” has expanded considerably within the house. 

I have also however started to “forget” things.  I’ve not gotten as far as leaving cases of nappies in the hall but I’ve serially-offended for leaving plastic pants and nappies etc. laying within clear view of my beloved in our boudoir and I’ve also forgotten about cloth nappies line drying.

I think this is a function of me losing subconscious sight of that which may be perfectly normal for me might be confronting for others.

On 3/14/2023 at 9:57 PM, BabyJilly_S said:

The bedwetting still proves to be fickle, however if I manage to go to bed at a reasonable hour, say midnight, then the chances seem much higher, if I have a late then then I end up waking up with him standing to attention.

If it's any consolation, I strongly suspect that my bedwetting is more common than I think I know.  Many of the "going to bed wet already" nights (which is the dominant pattern of behaviour for me) are now resulting in me waking the next day with no solid recollection of using my nappy but it's always soaked and my bladder is never full on waking.  There are just enough glimpses and glimmers of wetting memories that allow me to hang on to doubt but Occam's razor says that I just wet the bed.

On 3/14/2023 at 9:57 PM, BabyJilly_S said:

After two and half years I had my first diaper dream last night which was a surprise. It was, as they mostly are,  a strange mish mash of events and happenings. I was attending a wedding, and somehow had woken up in my overnight finery, basically a Betterdry with double thick terry pants and a plastic pants on that. However my bed was outside and I was sat on it having a discussion about wedding details with my sister. We appeared to be on a nice veranda outside a hotel with tables and chairs in the sunshine, people milling about, no one taking any notice of my particular state of dress. This then merged into my attempting to find my room so I could change and get dressed, again no one paying me any heed, interuppted by more wedding stuff, having a meal on the tables.

Eventually I seemed to have found my room as it cut to me in my suit trousers with a nice Megamax underneath, this time browsing some record/motorcycle shop that was there (yes, both!).

The "being out and about with exposed nappies and no visible reaction from anybody" dream theme is definitely one with which I am familiar.  I can't recall a recent one but I can remember a number of them.  I suppose it's some kind of memory-consolidation thing about nappies being a new normal.  Nappy dreams are much less frequent than they were a few years ago when I started but they are still a thing.  I've presumed them to be about my consciousness coming to terms with an altered reality.  I wonder if people struck by sudden incontinence experience similar things?