My Boyfriend is a DL …. Need Advice

[Bpott]

Hi, so I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He told me he was a DL just over a year ago. I am very accepting of this, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. We have pretty open communication when it comes to the topic. He tells me that it is a comfort thing and that he is not sexually attracted to it. He does not want to see me in diapers, he does not want me to change him, but he does wear them around me. A while ago, I found his tumblr page where he was posting videos of him wetting while I was doing some research and I brought it up with him and told him that it makes me feel a little uncomfortable with him wanting reactions from other people about his fetish. He then took down his tumblr page, but he has now made another one. I went through his phone (I know I shouldn’t have, and I regret it extremely) and I have found that he had photos of girls in diapers saved in his camera roll. Throughout our relationship he has always told me that it was not sexual, but now I’m starting to think otherwise. How do I approach this? 

[oznl]

There’s a “Friends and Family” sub-forum that may be a better place for this question.  A moderator may (or may not) move it there.

Still, a couple of crude generalisations that won’t apply to everybody:

• You don’t choose this, it chooses YOU.  You’re then left to manage it without going insane (it’s not really a choice and it isn’t his fault).
• It’s wired in very deep.  A therapist isn’t going to be able to “fix” this.  It’s a part of us (it won’t ever go away and trying to repress or excise it just creates stress elsewhere in his psyche).
• For many (including me), it is NOT of itself sexual but it is a lens that shapes sexual desire (he does not desire diapers more than you, they just distort his view a bit).

I’d just talk to him and find out what he’s looking for that’s missing here.  It may be that he needs something more than what he’s getting here and so he’s trying to plug that gap whilst holding onto his relationship with you.

[rusty pins]

I agree with oznl, but there is also an issue of trust, and that has to be mutual.  In one case you told him how you feel about his tumblr page and he took it down.  Apparently the urge was strong and he went behind your back and started another one.  That is one trust issue.  On the other hand, you also broke some trust by going through his phone (even though you say you know it was wrong).  In any relationship there has to be compromise, not all one sided.  You have to let him have his space but he also has to repsect your feelings.  A way around is, for an example, if someone wants to wear 24/7 all the time and the other person doesn't want him to wear at all.  The wearer agrees to wear only 3 or sometimes 4 days a week and the other person allows it, but only on those specific agreed upon days or when she isn't home, etc. The wearer also has to agree and not break those rules and start wearing whenever he wants.  That is trust and compromise in a relationship. 

I have no idea how old he is, but you are 20 and that is pretty young still.  It's the trust you both have to have in each other not to go around behind each other's backs in all situations, not just his diaper fetish.  If you both don't have that trust, it will lead to big problems in a relationship.  Sit down one evening and plan a discussion.  Both of you should write down on paper ahead of that evening what you each want and what bothers you.  Have a good mild calm discussion on each point of contention, come to a mutual agreement on each one before moving on to the next, something you both can live with.  It's not not necessarly going to be exactly what either of you want, but something that is fair to each of you.  Agree to it and abide by it!  If one or the other can't fulfill the agreement, then you will both have a bad relationship and be unhappy.  Best to find out sooner where you stand than later when you have kids and a family.

[spark]

I agree with what Rusty and OZNL said.  Between the 3 of us we've been around the sun many times and have learned to deal with this in our lives- each our own unique ways.  I also agree that the Friends and Family Forum might be better, but this one is a lot more active.  I have to broaden the link to even read the section of the board.

Based on your profile, you're a 20-year-old boyfriend who has been in a relationship for 2 year with your boyfriend, which I assume means he's similar and this is the first serious relationship for both of you.     It also means that this very likely this is your practice marriage (long-term committed relationship).   

The thing is that there is no stereo-typical diaper wearer.    We each have our own diaper story, and our own story and our own relationship with diapers.   In my case I'm a 52-year-old single male who wears diapers all of the time.   I change myself, but I'd probably want my girlfriend to change me.   I could say that it's not sexual, but I do ejaculate into my diapers and I watch diaper-porn (it is-slightly).  I'm also venturing more into the little category, and I'm sucking a pacifier while typing this, so obviously there is something to that.

If he has a Tumblr and is posting diaper photos of himself, there is a little bit of exhibition streak around him.    The last photo of with an exposed diaper was nearly 49 years ago.   But at 20, he is still learning how to deal with this 

First, ask yourself just how comfortable you really are with the diapers.  It can't be just a don't ask, don't tell.  You're going  to have to accept that it won't ever go away, and you may even have to take the lead.     If you're not willing to go to that level, you might consider leaving.   If you're willing, you need to have a good long talk with him.  You need to know how it started, what he really wants, even if he doesn't know himself.  You need to know what he thinks would he is with you,.   You also need to be open with diapers.  What you are willing to do, and what you're uncomfortable with.